Jill, Derick & the Kids: Moving On!!

[Mindthinkr]

I was thinking about why Jill Zoomed in on her abuser/brother’s court hearing today. I began to think that her asshole wonderful parents tried to convince her that she was not really abused. It’s something she dreamed up. I wonder that she was there to see for herself what a POS Josh is. To help her validate her experience and allow her to move forward with what closure she can find. I think the other sisters are still drinking the kool aid. I have high hopes for Jill moving forward and learning to live her best life without her reality family. 

[iwantcookies]

Man it must really suck to have parents who choose one kid over another 

 

and it’s not the victim who the parents choose...

F Booger and the incubator unit! 

[the-grey-lady]

I keep thinking about all the times Jill's siblings mocked her for being a "tattletale" and I want to give her a hug.

If you read here, I'm so sorry, Jill.

[hathorlive]

10 hours ago, Madtown said:

 

When Josh got arrested, I posted here that I hope any friends she has made in the neighborhood, church or Izzy's school, will still be around for her. So the flowers and doing the dishes, made me happy to know she has support. I can't even imagine what all this is like for her. Her struggle is real. If it were me and someone was over and did the the dishes for me, I would be forever grateful.

I am hoping that some of this love is coming from her church family.  You know, the Christians that don't blame the victim for their abuse.  I'm happy to see that she has support, and I don't care what form it comes in.  Sometimes you just need someone to bring you coffee and to say they care.

Edited May 6, 2021 by hathorlive

[auntieminem]

49 minutes ago, the-grey-lady said:

I keep thinking about all the times Jill's siblings mocked her for being a "tattletale" and I want to give her a hug.

If you read here, I'm so sorry, Jill.

I remember Josh calling her a tattletale with a smirk before the abuse was public. When it did I thought of that and realized what a messed up family that she should feel bad for telling on him for molesting his sisters. I forget which time it was, maybe with the youngest vicim. I hope her siblings now appreciate she told on him. 

[the-grey-lady]

17 minutes ago, auntieminem said:

I remember Josh calling her a tattletale with a smirk before the abuse was public. When it did I thought of that and realized what a messed up family that she should feel bad for telling on him for molesting his sisters. I forget which time it was, maybe with the youngest vicim. I hope her siblings now appreciate she told on him. 

God, it was smirking Josh, that rat bastard.

Now I have tears in my eyes.

[3girlsforus]

I can’t help but hope this investigation was started because she decided to tattletale one more time. 

[Zella]

4 minutes ago, 3girlsforus said:

I can’t help but hope this investigation was started because she decided to tattletale one more time. 

I don't think it was. From what I read, it was triggered by internet activity that was picked up by law enforcement and they then traced it to Josh. It doesn't seem like a tip triggered anything. 

[NotthebadVictoria]

5 hours ago, lascuba said:

There's something so disturbing about how Jill is being painted as the "good" victim in all of this and therefore everything she does is honest and pure and above reproach. She's not evil incarnate, but damn, it's clear the girl learned how to use social media to her advantage.

She is a victim.... 100%...... she was thrown to the wolves by her parents, forced to publicly forgive her abuser and taught its a woman’s fault, only to find out he is sick and her parents who shun her are blowing thousands on him. This is something Jinger, Jessa and Joy do NOT have experience with, and I for one hope she’s posts about her support system non stop bc F you Boob and Michelle! 

[laurakaye]

I have to hope that while Jill was listening in on the Zoom meeting, Derick was just out of camera range next to her, taking notes and helping to explain to her what was going on.  Not that Jill couldn't figure it out for herself but I'd imagine her emotions were overwhelming, not to mention having to look at her brother on the stand in prison garb - the same brother who her parents forced her to forgive and serve.  It cannot be easy coming to grips with the fact that her parents stood behind their Golden Boy rather than his victims.

And while I think Derick can get frustrated with Jill, I hope he's doing everything he can to support her.  That goes for Bin, Austin and Jeremy too, although my hopes aren't high for those three.  Maybe Austin.  Who knows.

[Future Cat Lady]

I think people are more sympathetic to Jill because she seems to be the only one who has realized that what happened with Josh was not nothing and that her parents handle things badly. The others might not be there yet and might never be. However, it doesn’t make them lesser victims.

[Tuxcat]

4 minutes ago, Future Cat Lady said:

I think people are more sympathetic to Jill because she seems to be the only one who has realized that what happened with Josh was not nothing and that her parents handle things badly. The others might not be there yet and might never be. However, it doesn’t make them lesser victims.

In an odd way we should be almost more sympathetic to the ones who might not be there yet. 

[3girlsforus]

10 minutes ago, Tuxcat said:

In an odd way we should be almost more sympathetic to the ones who might not be there yet. 

I am sympathetic to all of them. They’ve been sexually abused by their brother and abused in multiple ways by their parents. This board is about Jill so sympathy here is going to be about her. The most recent rally to defend her came in response to the posts that said of course she doesn’t have friends who want to help. She’s just milking it. Many of us found that enormously unfair so she got extra defense on the board. It doesn’t mean people think everything she does it perfect. It just means getting flowers and letting someone help her through a difficult time isn’t grifting. 

[3girlsforus]

9 hours ago, Zella said:

I don't think it was. From what I read, it was triggered by internet activity that was picked up by law enforcement and they then traced it to Josh. It doesn't seem like a tip triggered anything. 

Yea probably not but to have one of the girls he abused stand up and report him would have been extra good. 

[lascuba]

Has Jill every actually said that she now disagrees with how her parents handled Josh or are people just assuming that because she's said she said she disagrees with them on unspecified things? I'm genuinely asking because nothing I've read or seen has indicated the former. A link would be appreciated.

8 minutes ago, 3girlsforus said:

I am sympathetic to all of them. They’ve been sexually abused by their brother and abused in multiple ways by their parents. This board is about Jill so sympathy here is going to be about her. The most recent rally to defend her came in response to the posts that said of course she doesn’t have friends who want to help. She’s just milking it. Many of us found that enormously unfair so she got extra defense on the board. It doesn’t mean people think everything she does it perfect. It just means getting flowers and letting someone help her through a difficult time isn’t grifting. 

No one said that.

[Minivanessa]

10 minutes ago, 3girlsforus said:

I am sympathetic to all of them. They’ve been sexually abused by their brother and abused in multiple ways by their parents. ... It doesn’t mean people think everything [Jill] does it perfect. It just means getting flowers and letting someone help her through a difficult time isn’t grifting. 

That's where I'm coming from on this.

I think Jill has been making friends as most people understand friendships. As opposed to the "sweet friends" her mother talks about who AFAIK are people who do things FOR Meech and her family. I think Jill's sibs are still living in the tight orbit of Gothard/fundie/IBLP folks and their opportunities for friendships are thus limited. It seems that Joy and Carlin (is that right one? it's one of the Bates daughters) have developed a friendship and seem to enjoy each other's company and to provide support to each other, so that's good. 

Edited May 6, 2021 by Jeeves

[Lady Whistleup]

37 minutes ago, Tuxcat said:

In an odd way we should be almost more sympathetic to the ones who might not be there yet. 

But the ones who aren't there yet (and might never get there) are more likely to repeat these patterns with their own children. Internalized misogyny is real.

Also, this is the Jill thread. Each thread for each J'slave is mostly full of fans or people interested in that Duggar. This thread is Jill-centric. The Joy thread is Joy-centric, etc.

Edited May 6, 2021 by Lady Whistleup

[auntieminem]

I don't think there is a "good" or "bad" victim.  I don't understand the real negative response to any of the Duggar girls, even the ones who were not a victim of Josh, they were all victims of parents raising them in a cult, that took away their power by indoctrination. I have sympathy  for all the kids their life was made to seem special by TLC giving them a platform so how could it be wrong in their minds. I don't feel comfortable some of the extreme negativity such as about Jessa and in particular her cold responses.  Everyone copes and hopefully heals in different ways. I realize this is a snark board and not a fan club so everyone is entitled to say whatever within the guidelines but for me, I always think even though the Dugs are probably not reading our stuff, maybe someone with a similar experience is so I don't want to go full out mean girl on the D kids. I save what little venom I might feel for the parents, Josh and the whitewashing TLC does.  None of them were prepared for the real world and they mostly defend their parents and upbringing.  Hopefully they will each find a way to make it in the real world and leave the cult, see that it is not the devil that made Josh a monster but his parents and Gothardism that supported and enabled him.  

[luvmylabs]

I give kudos to Jill for walking away from her family ( to some extent). It can't have been easy.   I don't agree with Derrick about so many things but he was right to see that they were just players in JBs game.  When you consider how she was raised I think she has made enormous progress.  Imagine being told you can't return to your old family home without permission ( and probably without your husband).  Now Derrick is studying for a real job and her kids will go to public school.  That is progress for someone raised in a cult.

[Scarlett45]

Locking the thread to allow moderators to review. 

 

[Snow Fairy]

Jill said she went to have some happy time and retail therapy at Amy's store

I just wish she wasn't walking barefoot on that floor

 

I would wear some pieces, like the loungewear set

[GeeGolly]

Jill said in her IG Story that Derick is graduating this weekend. If there isn't a limit on guests/tickets, I wonder if any of the Duggars will attend Derick's ceremony.

 

[GeeGolly]

Judging solely on Jill's IG presence, it seems to me this latest Josh scandal did not wake up any past trauma for her. It has me thinking that she came through the molestations relatively unscathed and there's no trauma to wake up. Or the trauma, if there is any, is still tucked deeply away. 

I'm hoping its number one. Jill will still have to deal with the upcoming trial, which having a brother accused of such disgusting acts is hard enough on its own, so it would be nice to think she frames it all as a Josh issue and a general tough time for her family, and nothing else.

[ginger90]

[Minivanessa]

Well good for Derick, he made it through to get his JD.

That's of itself no guarantee of a job or a great income, but he's got some skills and credentials going for him. I hope things work out for them.

A tale of two households:

At the Dillard house: "It's getting real!" - Derick's graduating with a Juris Doctor degree this week.

At the TTH/warehouse:' "It's getting real!" - Josh got arrested for receiving and possessing many images of child sexual abuse, and has been released to another residence with an ankle bracelet and a load of limitations on his movements and behavior imposed by the federal court. 

(I think it was on Emily the lawyer's YT livestream discussing Josh's release hearing, where the phrase "Sh*t's getting real" was used. It was in the context of was Josh a flight risk. The defense of course said that he'd gone nowhere in all the months since the warrant was served and he knew he was facing legal trouble. The counter to that, in non-courtroom language, is the "but now sh*t got real" factor. It's one thing to know there's an investigation going on out there somewhere, but yet another to be actually indicted, arrested, and facing consequences. When I saw the "It's getting real!" on Jill's post, it was a nice brain-cleaner to see that phrase in a happy context.)

Edited May 7, 2021 by Jeeves

[farmgal4]

3 hours ago, GeeGolly said:

Jill said in her IG Story that Derick is graduating this weekend. If there isn't a limit on guests/tickets, I wonder if any of the Duggars will attend Derick's ceremony.

 

I predict that Amy will be the only Duggar family member there.

[ginger90]

3 minutes ago, farmgal4 said:

I predict that Amy will be the only Duggar family member there.

He gets 6 tickets for guests, so we’ll see.

[Minivanessa]

1 minute ago, ginger90 said:

He gets 6 tickets for guests, so we’ll see.

I expect that his mom and brother will be there, probably with their spouses. 

[farmgal4]

Just now, ginger90 said:

He gets 6 tickets for guests, so we’ll see.

HIS family will most definitely be there, and there are four of them plus Jill and Amy makes 6.  JMHO.

[ginger90]

1 minute ago, farmgal4 said:

HIS family will most definitely be there, and there are four of them plus Jill and Amy makes 6.  JMHO.

I’m thinking Israel and Sam will attend. So that makes 3 available tickets.

[BigBingerBro]

[Oldernowiser]

I have to hand it to Derrick. I never thought he’d get through year one, let alone graduate.

Never going to like the guy, but fair’s fair….law school isn’t easy.

[BitterApple]

Congrats to Derick. That went by fast.

As far as the six guests, I'm assuming it will be Jill, Izzy, Sam, Cathy, Dan and Deena. 

[BigBingerBro]

Why does it seem like he started Law school like a few months ago?   Time flies.  Meanwhile Jerm is still struggling over Latin.....

[libgirl2]

30 minutes ago, BigBingerBro said:

She looks great and happy. And that dress has a deep v neckline! 

[BitterApple]

3 minutes ago, BigBingerBro said:

Why does it seem like he started Law school like a few months ago?   Time flies.  Meanwhile Jerm is still struggling over Latin.....

Jeremy's on whichever track will allow him to stay in that free house the longest.

[Tuxcat]

When is the bar exam? July maybe. 

Have to say, I don't appreciate his views or his tactics in life but I'm glad he's graduating. And it seems fitting to walk the stage while JB's circle is collapsing and Josh is in deep. 

[Minivanessa]

20 minutes ago, BigBingerBro said:

Why does it seem like he started Law school like a few months ago?   Time flies.  Meanwhile Jerm is still struggling over Latin.....

@BitterApple nailed it - Jerm's hanging onto the nice LA house as long as he can. He seems to be majoring in food and clothes. Oh, and, I think he may be enrolled in a seminary? But it doesn't seem to take much of his time or attention away from his dogged pursuit of fame. 

14 minutes ago, Tuxcat said:

When is the bar exam? July maybe. 

Have to say, I don't appreciate his views or his tactics in life but I'm glad he's graduating. And it seems fitting to walk the stage while JB's circle is collapsing and Josh is in deep. 

The bar exam is July 1. I expect Derick will be settling in to bar review course work pretty soon. I'm glad he graduated. 

[Zella]

30 minutes ago, Oldernowiser said:

I have to hand it to Derrick. I never thought he’d get through year one, let alone graduate.

Never going to like the guy, but fair’s fair….law school isn’t easy.

Same! 

I hope he's learned some lessons and sticks with whatever he finds afterward. 

Has anyone ever figured out what type of law he wants to practice? There are a fair number of corporate opportunities in the greater NWA area. But some of the clinics he took makes me think that's not where he geared his studies toward. 

[Crochetlady]

I'm surprised he stuck with law school too. Good for him. And Jill looks fantastic in those pics. 

[Gigi43]

Add me to the list of people who thought Derrick wouldn't finish law school. Good for him. I know not all lawyers roll in the dough- especially at first- but he should have stability for him/Jill/the boys as the TTH house of cards crumbles. 

 

I hope Jill can have a relationship with the younger siblings and show them, boys and girls, at least one person in the home who goes to actual school is a more viable way of making money than hoping to live life on TV and SM ads. 

[Absolom]

35 minutes ago, Tuxcat said:

When is the bar exam? July maybe. 

Have to say, I don't appreciate his views or his tactics in life but I'm glad he's graduating. And it seems fitting to walk the stage while JB's circle is collapsing and Josh is in deep. 

Yes, the bar is in July.  

There is some great irony there in that Josh long ago claimed he wanted to be a lawyer and here amidst his legal troubles, Derick is graduating from law school.

20 minutes ago, Jeeves said:

I expect Derick will be settling in to bar review course work pretty soon. I'm glad he graduated. 

He may have already done the bar review course.  My daughter did it spring of her last year.  Then she had about six weeks of intensive studying on her own.

[3girlsforus]

5 hours ago, GeeGolly said:

Judging solely on Jill's IG presence, it seems to me this latest Josh scandal did not wake up any past trauma for her. It has me thinking that she came through the molestations relatively unscathed and there's no trauma to wake up. Or the trauma, if there is any, is still tucked deeply away. 

I'm hoping its number one. Jill will still have to deal with the upcoming trial, which having a brother accused of such disgusting acts is hard enough on its own, so it would be nice to think she frames it all as a Josh issue and a general tough time for her family, and nothing else.

I think this has probably been a very tough week for her. I would assume some extra calls to her therapist. But she is definitely showing that she’s healing and moving on to her own life. She can’t change that Josh is her brother and he’s a sick puppy, but I am happy to see that she seems to realize that isn’t a reflection of her. That’s Josh’s problem. I hope her other siblings realize this as well. She might never “get over” all of this. After all she also have the regular reminder that on top of everything else her parents continually choose her abuser over her. But she seems to be doing well. 
 

and congrats to Derick. That’s a very big deal and excellent news for their future. 

[ginger90]

Derick posted last year about the BARBRI Bar Review course.

[Minivanessa]

42 minutes ago, Absolom said:

He may have already done the bar review course.  My daughter did it spring of her last year.  Then she had about six weeks of intensive studying on her own.

Thanks for the update. My experience with bar review (and I did it in two states) was long long ago! 

[cereality]

I was glad to see that Derick graduates tomorrow. It brings some happiness to Jill's life and home right now that she needs. And thing is this is likely the first graduation she has ever attended with caps and gowns and speeches etc; I don't think anyone in her family even when to an unaccredited Christian college like the Bates family does so she's never even been to a small graduation let alone a big state U. It's a new fun experience for her in the midst of an awful week.

Hopefully it'll just be her and the boys and Derick's mom and maybe brother/his wife in attendance; or if the brother can't come, Derick's stepdad could come and in any event Derick isn't REQUIRED to use every ticket he gets; it's fine to just have his immediate family + mom and then give the 2 spare tickets to a classmate who has more guests than tickets.

Edited May 7, 2021 by cereality

[yogi2014L]

On 5/1/2021 at 12:05 PM, BigBingerBro said:

Jill is the safest from all of this really.  She is no longer dependant on the Duggar fame to support her family.  If anything, Deertick had the wisdom to make sure they will have a viable means to support themselves outside of the Duggar umbrella.  It all the others who will suffer financally from this, especially if TLC cuts them off. Jerm and Jinger most certainly will need to seriously re-brand, or maybe that's what they have been trying to do all along.....?

Jill is definitely in the best position- she has a husband who seems to actually care about her well being, she is used to being 'cut off' from the immediate family ( I could see Lauren and Josiah/ Abbie and whoever wanting to be far away from this mess, but have no idea how to go about functioning as adults). Jill also had the fortune of being publicly distant from her family so any backlash from this definitely misses her.  Her husband can take care of her financially and emotionally. 

Jinger is in a rough position, Jeremy can't be pleased about the negative publicity, seems to be unlikely to help her mentally ( I genuinely don't think he cares all that much about Jinger's well being, truly. He wanted a helpmeet and coattails to ride- not a true partner in life). She is slightly better off than say Josiah and Lauren because Jeremy at least has real world experience/ could probably get a real job if he actually needed too. And I don't think the Vuolos would let the girls suffer- they seem supportive ( financially and otherwise). I think we will see Vuolos come out with the tell all first, because Jeremy might think that will get them the most positive attention. 

 

 

[iwantcookies]

I am truly surprised Dereck actually finished law school. He might actually get a full time job and support his family. 
 

 

 

 

[MaryAnneSpier]

I just hope all this work toward even more education leads to him having steady employment. He had a degree and a job for WM and threw it away to be a grifting "missionary". That failed and then he tried to grift more money for a one-year ministry certificate that went nowhere. He's older now, with nearly seven years of marriage under his belt, Jill is (it seems) healing from the shitshow she was brought up in, their boys are older and in school, they've bought a house. Hopefully that all works in favor of Derrick settling down and sticking with it. 

[kaleidoscope]

I am so excited for this family.  They can continue to build on their dreams.  I wonder if Jill really wanted to be a midwife, or she went that route because it was the only avenue available to her?  As Jill's world expands, she might find her true passion.