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Zella

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  1. Zella

    Small Talk: The Prayer Closet

    When I gave my two week's notice at the toxic job last year, I did it in person with my immediate supervisor, whom I never had issues with. She then reported it up the chain of command to the president of the company, whom I had clashed with multiple times. The Fuhrer, as I had him nicknamed, gave me the silent treatment for two weeks as "punishment" for leaving or not telling him in person. I have no idea, but he was clearly ignoring me. It was the most pleasant two weeks I had there in 2 years. I almost told him that if we could make that permanent, I'd consider sticking around. 😉 In any event, on the last day, he suddenly decided to act like we were best friends and that he was going to miss me and all the work I did. But because he was an asshole, he couldn't resist being an asshole even then and telling me in front of everyone that my business would fail and I'd probably come crawling back to him for a job in a few minutes. I didn't say anything, but in the back of my mind, I was thinking, "If I am living in a cardboard box and you're the only motherfucker hiring on the entire planet, I still wouldn't accept a job offer from you." Because I'm a mature adult, I send occasional updates about my business success to former coworkers whom I know will report it back to the Fuhrer. I wish I could see the look on his face when that happens. 🙂
  2. Zella

    Small Talk: The Prayer Closet

    Thank you! I started it late last year. I have a freelance editing business. Had done it for years on the side, but I was desperate to get away from a toxic work environment. After months of very frustrating job searches--that included me considering moving or commuting long distances--it dawned on me that I was ignoring the thing I was probably most qualified to do and that I could easily do from anywhere as long as I had internet access. I quit a job with benefits to do this, which seemed like a questionable move, but even if my business folds, I do not regret the decision because I needed to do it for my own sanity. In any event, I have had a fairly steady stream of projects since March, I recently snagged my first truly new client for an ongoing project, and I also am working part-time to have a steady income. *fingers crossed* Every time I drive over to the Sam's Clubs in Fayetteville or Bentonville, I always keep my eye out for a Duggar sighting. 😂
  3. Zella

    Small Talk: The Prayer Closet

    Moving to a small town you don't want to live in for a job you don't want is not a good idea. I say this as someone who lives and works in a small town and likes my small town. But it really does limit your opportunities, and the atmosphere is not for everyone. It works for me because I don't like living in bigger towns and I've been here since I was a kid, but I know a lot of people who move out here and then are miserable because they don't know anyone and can't find work. It's why I started my own business, actually, because I didn't want to move and because with my master's degree I was either overqualified or underqualified for everything or would have just had to have gone back to school for something else. So, yeah, don't take your mom's advice on this. 🙂
  4. I watched a birth/death video in an art class because some asshole thought he'd film his wife giving birth and intersect it with video of one of his parents on his/her deathbed. That birth footage was really right up in there, too, so she has had countless random strangers view that. I just remember my professor saying over and over again, isn't this beautiful, and I was like, are you on fucking drugs? I have a friend who has a better birth video horror story. He said for his sex ed class in junior high, they had to watch a homemade birth video. He later found out it was of one of his teachers. He said every time he saw her after that, he could not unsee what he had seen. . . .
  5. Zella

    Jill & Derick Dullard: Counting On (Donations)

    The flies are not an Arkansas thing. I mean, there are flies in Arkansas and sometimes they get in people's houses, but no worse than anywhere else. I'd actually imagine they'd be a bigger issue in the Delta, but I've never been there long enough to know. If her house is fly infested that badly, that's just Jill being nasty.
  6. Zella

    Small Talk: The Prayer Closet

    YES! We would be simpatico planning buddies! 😄 I actually will often enjoy new experiences that I would suspect I wouldn't, but I can't just be thrown into them. If they are sprung on me last minute, it is an automatic no. (Also, if they are going to last beyond my time period where I can seem super extroverted before all my energy crashes, that's an automatic no. The world gets about 4 hours max of me interacting with it before I really need to go run away and recharge or become grouchy and exhausted.) But if I am given some lead time to ponder and research and plan, then I can actually usually talk myself into it. And I am almost always glad I did. And I have totally used the, "let me consult with someone else to make sure it will work" and then the people I am "consulting" are just me, myself, and I. LOL
  7. Zella

    Small Talk: The Prayer Closet

    Oh my God--that sounds so much like something that would happen to me! I actually tend to befriend other non-spontaneous people naturally, so we are mutually crazy about pre-planning!
  8. Zella

    Joy and Austin: This One Time At Family Camp

    His smiles seem to reach his eyes now. I'm glad he seems to be happier than he was.
  9. Zella

    Small Talk: The Prayer Closet

    @Jynnan tonnix sounds like he does have a bit of a hero complex, which ties in with him also going above and beyond to shield you from things but also seeming to be a martyr about other things. I think even if he can anticipate the consequences of statements pretty quickly--I'm a little bit like that, to be honest--it's still on him to then retract himself from the situation. Like, if he realizes it's going to be a pain in the ass to go because it will create some long-term issues he will have to deal with, he could just as easily come up with an excuse for not going. That way, it doesn't look like he is just saying no, but he still doesn't have to go, and he doesn't put it all on you. I am the queen of inventing excuses to get out of stuff, so I am admittedly a bit biased. I'm very introverted--though not shy at all--so I do have to recharge. If I don't, I became exhausted and angry. I know this about myself and will opt out of events that are stacked on top of each other. I also don't do spontaneous--my idea of spontaneous is 3 days' notice and hours of planning LOL--so when some well-meaning free spirit tries to spring something on me, I usually extricate myself from it and force them to postpone to a set later date, so I can emotionally cope. I know these things are me being, well, me and not someone else's fault, so I have become good at inventing vague plans--which usually involve me and Netflix and glorious isolation--that pre-empt me from going but don't make the other person feel like I'm dodging them since I can then plan something with them for a later date. Maybe next time he doesn't want to go along with something with your mother, he could just claim he has other plans? That strikes me as a lot more humane to you. I really don't think anything you did necessitates hours of the silent treatment. 😞
  10. Zella

    Small Talk: The Prayer Closet

    @Christina87 hope the job works out for you! Sounds like a good interview. My thoughts remain with all of you are going through health issues. @Jynnan tonnix I agree with @Natalie68 that he's an adult, and if he didn't want to go, it was within his power to not go, so he sounds like he's completely overreacting but making you feel bad about it. To me, it sounds like he wants his proverbial cake and to eat it too in agreeing to go but then being pissed about going. I don't blame you at all for being hurt about how he is acting, but if he wants to act childish and give you the silent treatment, just ignore him. Order delivery or eat leftovers and let him fend for himself if he's going to be so difficult about it. I think when people do the silent treatment with someone, they enjoy watching the other person scramble to pacify them. He loses that control if you just let him stew in it and deprive him of that opportunity.
  11. Yeah I can't snark on Amy's sentiments there. Parts of my childhood were batshit crazy, too, and I know it still deeply affects the way me and my siblings approach relationships and would be foremost on my mind if I ever had a child. Not sure Amy is exactly able to break the cyclical nature of a lot of that dysfunction, but good for her for being able to recognize it--and hopefully act on that recognition.
  12. Zella

    The Lonely Js Club: Jana, Jedidiah, Jeremiah and Jason

    This was one of the things that actually drew me to this board a few years ago--though my participation has been on and off at times. In the wake of the Josh scandals/revelations back in 2015, I was horrified how many well-educated, reasonable, otherwise good people I knew who were Christians who just had a knee-jerk reaction that "Oh people are just picking on the Duggars because they're Christians." In any event, when I would encounter these people, I would always go ape shit and list every sordid and weird thing about the Duggars and every sickening detail of the molestations that were made public, and these people were all immediately embarrassed and backtracked their statements and even admitted that they hadn't even paid attention to the details of the scandals. It really was just them assuming a lot of stuff about this family that they vaguely knew was "Christian." One of the things I always told these people is that the Duggars are not like the Methodists or Lutherans or Baptists who live down the street or work with you or go to school with you and are otherwise normal folks, though that is what a lot of people who know nothing about the family are assuming. They're not even exactly like the somewhat unhinged Pentecostals I knew, either.
  13. Zella

    Michelle and JimBob aka J'Chelle and Boob

    Glad you're doing better, @BrianJ1962! I'm sure that was scary!
  14. Zella

    Jill & Derick Dullard: Counting On (Donations)

    Oh one thing I have been meaning to add, it does not surprise me that the Duggars picked Lowell or even Sonora over a place in Fayetteville. Each of the bigger towns in the area (Fayetteville, Springdale, Rogers, Bentonville) have their own vibe. As I've mentioned on here before, Fayetteville has a surprisingly liberal/alternative/artsy aura for Arkansas. It's often compared to Austin in relation to Texas. Not to say you don't meet conservatives or Christians there, but it is definitely not a place I could see Jill or Derick feeling like they fit in. Springdale, rightly or wrongly, is often seen as kind of cheap and trashy. Rogers is often seen as quieter and more boring in comparison to other places but a generally nice place to live. When folks in my county talk about moving, they're always aspiring to a place in Rogers. LOL Bentonville just always sort of has a corporate vibe, not surprising since that's where Wal-Mart HQ is. I'm sure poor people live in Bentonville, but whenever I hear someone lives there, I always assume they're rich because I've been in some seriously cavernous, ostentatious houses over there. Lowell is fairly quiet and is smaller, but I think has much more of a Rogers vibe. Sonora is a tiny little speck of a place you drive through and blink and miss. It's virtually indistinguishable from Springdale--at least to me. So, I think the Dillards probably feel like they're trading up by switching from a place closer to Springdale to a place closer to Rogers.
  15. Zella

    Jill & Derick Dullard: Counting On (Donations)

    God help us all, but I come bearing visual aids! 😂 In this map I just made, you can kind of see how the general NWA community has a bunch of towns and cities smooshed all together. (That's why I'm always harping on how the Duggars are not living in a rural area. They're living on the edge of a metro area with over 500,000 people living there. It's not like New York or L.A. or Chicago, but by Arkansas standards, it's definitely not rural.) I do not know addresses and only put stickers to mark general towns for residences. The only location I marked in the correct spot is the U of A campus in Fayetteville. Blue marks Lowell, the town Jill and Derick are in now. Black marks Sonora. Someone on here a couple of weeks ago said that is where Derick said they had been living before the move. Red marks the U of A campus in Fayetteville where Derick is attending classes. Yellow marks Tontitown, where the Duggars are. Green marks Rogers, where Cathy lives. And though not directly related, I did mark Centerton with purple. That's where JD and Abby are going to church. As you can see, it's a bit out of the way, which I have found very odd. By moving to Lowell, Jill and Derick are about 10 minutes from his mom and about 15 minutes from her parents, not counting when traffic gets a little nasty during rush hour. Even then, it's still not too bad of a drive. He's now about 20 minutes away from campus as long as it is not morning/evening rush. From Sonora, it's probably about 20 minutes either way to either parental house, and the distance from the U of A isn't much different. So, yeah, it's a closer move but not in a particularly significant way. Hope this helps!
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