Small Talk: The Prayer Closet

[kaleidoscope]

MyPeopleAreNordic, sending {{{HUGS}}} of joy for your recovery, and {{{HUGS}}} of comfort for your sweet guardian angel with paws ♥

[Zella]

5 hours ago, MyPeopleAreNordic said:

Cross-posting from the Teen Mom/Teen Mom 2 forums for my buddies here who don't venture into those forums....

Hi ya'll....just checking in to let everyone know I'm okay.

My best friend, my chihuahua who I've had basically my entire post-undergrad adult life & who literally saved my life years ago, passed away. I'm heartbroken. It's hard...maybe harder than finding out about the cancer even. I know that sounds crazy, but maybe I'm just crazy then.  Before we had kids, she was my only baby for 8 years....and she was/is always my first baby. 

I feel like she stayed until I was recovered from my cancer surgery.  She died in her sleep and she wasn't sick long and didn't suffer and I am so grateful for that, but I wasn't ready. But I miss her so very much. The grief is....a lot. I'll be around as much as I can but I'm probably going to be giving myself a break from stuff (including trash reality shows) until I start back at work in a few weeks. 

Thank you again to everyone who donated, checked on me, sent me encouragement, sent love, etc. Ya'll are the best. I just didn't want anyone to worry. 

@MyPeopleAreNordic I am so very sorry to hear about your Chihuahua! I've had Chihuahuas since I was a child, and there is no more loyal or loving friend you can have. There is nothing crazy about being devastated over her loss. Even though I have a new Chihuahua buddy that I love and adore, I still miss the Chihuahua I had for 14 years before he passed away a few years ago. *hug* 

[bythelake]

16 hours ago, MyPeopleAreNordic said:

Cross-posting from the Teen Mom/Teen Mom 2 forums for my buddies here who don't venture into those forums....

Hi ya'll....just checking in to let everyone know I'm okay.

My best friend, my chihuahua who I've had basically my entire post-undergrad adult life & who literally saved my life years ago, passed away. I'm heartbroken. It's hard...maybe harder than finding out about the cancer even. I know that sounds crazy, but maybe I'm just crazy then.  Before we had kids, she was my only baby for 8 years....and she was/is always my first baby. 

I feel like she stayed until I was recovered from my cancer surgery.  She died in her sleep and she wasn't sick long and didn't suffer and I am so grateful for that, but I wasn't ready. But I miss her so very much. The grief is....a lot. I'll be around as much as I can but I'm probably going to be giving myself a break from stuff (including trash reality shows) until I start back at work in a few weeks. 

Thank you again to everyone who donated, checked on me, sent me encouragement, sent love, etc. Ya'll are the best. I just didn't want anyone to worry. 

So happy to hear your recovery is going well. I haven’t been posting much this summer due to grandkids home from college,etc, but am reading the posts. I think of you and Arwen often. All the best to you.

[Natalie68]

17 hours ago, MargeGunderson said:

My allergies must be acting up because my eyes suddenly got all watery. (I’m holding my 22 year old cat like a baby while she purrs.)

I must have developed allergies sitting here reading this because my eyes got watery as well!  Lost 3 cats in 3 years.  

[bigskygirl]

@MyPeopleAreNordic  {{{HUGS}}} glad your recovery is going well. Sorry about your sweet dog. It is so hard to lose a pet especially when you are dealing with a medical illness/condition. I think Ace stayed with me until I was diagnosed with Graves Disease and started treatment. I miss him, Smokey, Misty and Tia everyday.

[lookeyloo]

@MyPeopleAreNordic - sending hugs your way.  We have loved and sent to heaven many wonderful pets over the years. We know how it feels to lose them.  We take comfort in knowing they had wonderful lives with us.  Know you are doing the same.  But there will always be a hole in our lives where they lived.

[crazycatlady58]

@MyPeopleAreNordic my thoughts  are with you. You do give away pieces  of your heart to your  pets and it is so hard  to lose  them. Once in Sunday  school  a young girl ask  me if her cat would be in heaven . I told her yes  that  the Bible  say in heaven  there is no wheeping  or sorrow ,  so if you want your cat he will be there . During  coffee  hour her dad came up to  me and  ask  if I had told  her that pets would  be in heaven . I first said I was sorry  if I had told her something  different  than he had said, but I then repeated  what I said. He looked  at me then looked at our priest who was sitting  near us, Father  shrugged  his shoulders  and said  "Well I cannot argue  with that." Even if I did not believe  that I would  have come  up with something  I am NOT telling  an 8 year old she will not see her pet again.

[Temperance]

@MyPeopleAreNordic I also lost a dog. It's sad. He's been gone a while, but I still miss him. 

[jennblevins]

2 hours ago, BitterApple said:

There's women on YouTube who can decorate a room with Dollar Tree accessories and have it looking like a million bucks.

Copied over from the JinJer thread.  I don’t know whether to thank you or hate you for sending me down that rabbit hole ... but I figured I should at least acknowledge you ... so, I guess, I thank you and my boss hates you for cutting my productivity in half!

[bigskygirl]

Went to the allergist yesterday morning, and I will start the allergies shot next week for my grass allergies for 3 to 5 years. Oh goody! She wanted to try another type of treatment, but she was worried about the side effects like possible lung damage and causing my throat to swell up. It does look like I have vocal cord dysfunction which may be caused by the acid reflux disease and stress. My anxiety was kicking into overdrive yesterday morning which cause me to have problems when I did the lung function testing. I was freaking out a little because I had to plug my nose, and I felt I could not breath. I had to take a deep breath and blow it out a few times to see how well my lungs were working because she wanted to make sure my lungs could handle the shots. I did chuckle when the nurse ask me if I wanted to be checked to see if I am allergic to cattle, horses, rabbits and a few other animals besides cats and dogs during the skin allergy testing. I wanted to ask her if I was allergic to cattle does that mean I could not eat hamburger, steak, ribs, roast etc. etc. When I do start the shots, I have to stay at the allergic clinic for half an hour to make sure no serious reactions to the shots, and I will need to carry an epi-pen with me in case I have serious reactions to the shots after I leave the clinic. In otherwords, use the epi-pen quickly and get to the ER right away if I start to show reactions like hives, shortness of breath, trouble breathing etc. etc.

I will be trying another anti-depressant because the last one did not help my anxiety at all. I was barely staying awake while I was waiting for the physician assistant to come into the room. I told her my anxiety was getting worse, I was tired a lot, bad headaches, stomach cramps etc. etc. I will see her in another month and wait to see if the new med starts to work within two to three weeks with no nasty side effects.

And the dentist appointment this morning was no fun at all. One cavity was bad and left a big hole in the tooth and was starting to affect the tooth next to it. My anxiety was once again acting up, and he had to numb the left side of my mouth near my bottom teeth at least four times because I could feel him working on the one tooth. He said the nerve in the tooth was not affected so far by the cavity, but it was getting close. I guess the x-rays I had two years ago at the other dental clinic I went to showed the cavity, but I was not told to come in and have it worked on. GRRR!!! Right now the tooth is sensitive to cold and heat, and we will see how well it handles the cold and heat for six to eight weeks. Luckily I will have no problems because it could lead to a root canal. I would need to find the money to pay for it because Medicaid has put a cap on how much it would pay for dental work. GRRR!!!

So once again, I pay the price for lousy medical care. The allergist does not think I am allergic to the thyroid med. I think it comes down to the possibility of having thyroiditis after starting the medication because my immune system was trying to adjust to what was going on with my thyroid at the time. I probably still had a functioning thyroid at the time I started the med and was put on too high of a dose. The idiot doctor did not think I was sensitive to hyperthyroid symptoms and did not look at my blood tests results like he should have. The damage was done and now I deal with multiple health issues along with mental health issues because of one bad doctor and one bad dental clinic.

[Barb23]

Oh, @bigskygirl, you've been thru the wringer with all your doctor visits & tests. I have to admit the pulmonary function tests were kind of scary i had done before my lung surgery, even though I dont have too many anxiety problems. 

 

[bigskygirl]

2 hours ago, Barb23 said:

Oh, @bigskygirl, you've been thru the wringer with all your doctor visits & tests. I have to admit the pulmonary function tests were kind of scary i had done before my lung surgery, even though I dont have too many anxiety problems. 

 

@Barb23 The allergist told me after I tried the second lung function test I had 50% lung function. She said she knew my lungs were stronger than that. I hope everything went well with your lung surgery.

[galaxychaser]

For those who lost a parent how long is normal to be devastated and cry everyday? On top of it all I can’t stop eating. I gained like 50 pounds since my mom died.  

[pippity j]

There is no normal length of time for a person to grieve.Grief is a process and is not on any timetable.It can be a long lonely road.Someone else may seem to travel it faster.There is no shame in saying I need a hand to make it down that road.You have recognized the eating issue and you realize you are never running out of tears.(Please don't tell yourself you aren't allowed to cry.)Maybe it would help to seek out some grief counselling.A caring trained person may give you some support until the intensity of your feelings are more more easily managed.This person will be able to assess if medication could help you see your way.We don't naturally want to seek out help for our feelings but they need care just the same as our body does.I have walked that road a few times and each journey was different.The most difficult part is admitting to a Doctor that you are finding it hard to be strong on your own.Reach out.There are people out there trained to really listen to you and to help you work towards healing.Safe journey and reach out here as well.

[BitterApple]

1 hour ago, galaxychaser said:

For those who lost a parent how long is normal to be devastated and cry everyday? On top of it all I can’t stop eating. I gained like 50 pounds since my mom died.  

I'm sorry to hear about the loss of your mother.

My father passed away in 2013 and we were very close. I still cry when I think about him. It's different for every person, but it's a long process. I don't think you ever truly get over the loss of a loved one. Have you thought about joining a support group? Even if it's just something online, it may help to connect with others who are going through a similar struggle.

[Nysha]

1 hour ago, galaxychaser said:

For those who lost a parent how long is normal to be devastated and cry everyday? On top of it all I can’t stop eating. I gained like 50 pounds since my mom died.  

I'm so sorry, @galaxychaser . Losing a parent is devasting, if you feel your grief is overwhelming you, please seek help. My uncle lost his wife of 40+ years last year and he joined a grief support group that has really helped him cope with his loss.

[Catfin]

1 hour ago, galaxychaser said:

For those who lost a parent how long is normal to be devastated and cry everyday? On top of it all I can’t stop eating. I gained like 50 pounds since my mom died.  

I’m so sorry. My dad has been gone almost four years, and grieving has been odd. Immediately afterward, there was relief he was no longer suffering. Then guilt over that relief. Then anger at the sibling who opted out. Then frustration about lost time and opportunities. Actual sadness would strike at the oddest times, like when smelling starch as DH irons his weekly shirts. Dad would iron his shirts every Sunday night when I was a kid, and that smell transports me.  Sorry to ramble, just want to say there is no right or wrong way to grieve. 

 

Be kind to yourself. Take care of yourself. Take advantage of your EAP if your company offers one. They were most helpful for me. 

[Catlyn]

I'm sorry for your loss, as everyone says grief is personal and there is no time limit on how long to grieve. Maybe the Victorians and other earlier time periods had it better, they knew what to wear for who you were mourning and how long you were to wear it. What to do for funerals, etc. Now, we wing it, some ways it's better, but sometimes it would be nice to have some sort of guide for what to do when you're numb.

Talk to someone if you are feeling overwhelmed. Cry if you must. I don't know if it gets better, but, it gets bearable. Kepp the good memories.

[Happyfatchick]

I’ve been mostly flying under the radar for a bit and have to go back and catch up. 

I just came for an observation.  When my husband cuts the grass, he never EVER rakes.  Never.  It’s aginst his religion or something, I’m not sure.  But raking is off Th table.  And it’s a big yard, I get it. At LEAST rake where we come in the house so we don’t bring all that junk in the house.  I ditch (with a B) and gripe and complain and give him all manner of grief about it.  I know I’m a nag about it, but I’m  the one cleaning it out of the house.  

He has a back injury that’s been ongoing for a year.  It’s ridiculous and it is time to resolve this issue.  Meanwhile, I’ve told my grandson to keep our grass cut and I’ll pay him $100 a month.  (Cheap child labor, BUT im also going to pay him that during the winter months when theres hardly anything to do.  He’s a good kid, he’d do it for free but I’m helping him, he’s helping me).

so we just got back from a week in the mountains (ahhhhh, God Bless North Carolina!).  Grand cut the grass while we were gone.  Guess what?  No raking. Little greenish brown waves of grass all over the yard.   (I’m about to sum myself up in two sentences).  Does anyone think I’ma beat that baby up for not raking?  Nope.  Notta word.  ?

but I know he’ll cut again this week, and because I’m here, he’ll rake.  

Edited July 28, 2018 by Happyfatchick
Stupid auto correct

[Nysha]

Aren't grandkids awesome!

[Love2dance]

I’ve missed your stories, @Happyfatchick. That was a good one!

[SnarkyShark]

9 hours ago, galaxychaser said:

For those who lost a parent how long is normal to be devastated and cry everyday? On top of it all I can’t stop eating. I gained like 50 pounds since my mom died.  

I am sorry for your loss. Grief is a tricky business, and I think it's hard to say whether or not it is normal to experience something after a loss because we all grieve differently.

From observing my mom after we lost my grandma (my grandma died at 65 and my mom was 41 at the time), I know that she experienced a devastating sense of loss that took a while to subside. Honestly, my mom was a wreck for about a year or so, and regaining a sense of normalcy took her about eighteen months to two years. My mom did not cry frequently in front of her us kids, but I know it was an extremely difficult period for her. Holidays were hard. Birthdays were hard. Milestones were hard. As a kid, I saw my mom doing her best to cope and how it drained her, resulting in her being very emotionally distant during that time.

Death is hard on the people left behind, in my experience. It's okay to give yourself time to grieve. Finding normal again takes time, and I know you'll get there. It might just not be right away. There's no right way to feel or react, in my book, especially when you've lost a person who has been a part of your life since the beginning.

[andromeda331]

13 hours ago, galaxychaser said:

For those who lost a parent how long is normal to be devastated and cry everyday? On top of it all I can’t stop eating. I gained like 50 pounds since my mom died.  

I am so sorry for your loss. To do agree with others who have posted its different for everyone. For some it takes longer. I tend to stay in the anger stage a very long time. I'm not ready to accept there was nothing else that could be done or that I have to accept they've passed away and I won't see them again (in this life) and that there's so much I never got to do with those that passed away and so much they never got do and have missed out on. Its the way I process it. My mother passed away a little over a year ago and I was in shock for probably the first couple weeks. Then it switched to anger her health took a sudden turn two years before out of the blue and two years of up and downs for it to end that way and anger that there was no sign. She was in good spirits all day long and when it happened there was nothing. No sound or sign anything was wrong. My dad went up to bed I listened to see if she changed the channel a half hour later there was a show we always watched together late at night if we were both up. When she didn't change the channel I assume she fell asleep and waited another half hour to go check on her (on bad days I either sat with her while my dad as sleep or check on her ever half hour if she insisted she was fine. On good days if she was asleep I'd check on her every hour). Its really hard to believe (or accept) that there is no sound or sign that something was wrong or think that I should have gone to check on her when she didn't change the channel. I really thought she fell asleep and I didn't want to wake her. The entire first year every year I felt devastated and cried because every day was a day without her. It didn't feel like it was getting easier because her birthday would come up or mine and she wasn't there. After a year I'm getting better there are days that are still hard like her birthday and first year anniversary of her death.  But most now its the unexpected ones. Like awhile back there was a commercial with a little girl running through the sprinklers with that song I'm singing in the rain. It made me cry because I knew how much my mom would have loved that commercials. Other things make me think of her but not make me cry. I'm passed the anger but still a long way from acceptance.  Don't feel bad or that your doing it wrong. Its very hard to lose a parent. Just getting through each day is really hard. Lean on those around you. Talk to someone. I tried hard not to break down around my father because I didn't want him to feel any worse. I ended up breaking down with my sister-in-law. It really helped to do that far more then I expected. Talking with two of my cousins who had gone through had lost their mothers helped a lot.  I'm really sorry for your loss. 

[Minivanessa]

@galaxychaser, I'm sorry for your loss, and glad to read the many helpful replies. I don't have anything substantive to add, except my best wishes as you negotiate your path.

Over in the "Sweet Fellowship: Duggars . . . and friends" topic, @Totally asked what the FAFSA (college aid) application meant, i.e., does it mean that based on income you can study for reduced fees. To keep from going ballistically off topic I said I'd post a reply over here.

There are a few grants and some scholarships available, but the overwhelming way that people finance their post-high-school education in the US is: student loans. This has become a big deal and IMO it's one of those things that is great in theory, but it's been so abused in practice that it's now a national menace.

Even this article which seems to think student loans are fine and coaches the debtors on positive thinking, documents what a huge burden those loans are on generations of Americans. More information is here and here.  And those articles talk generally about people who took out those loans and actually graduated. There are huge numbers of people who took student loans and either never completed a degree program, or used them for courses of study in for-profit trade schools which didn't equip them for the good jobs they were led to expect. But they STILL have to pay back that debt. Although the debt didn't do anything to boost their earning power and is now just one more thing holding them back from financial security.

Here's why student loans are such a racket, IMO. Two parties to the transaction are guaranteed to profit: the school and the lender. The school wins because student loan proceeds are used to pay nonrefundable tuition and fees. Even if the school offers a substandard level of "education," the student has no legal recourse against the school. The lender wins, because by law student loan debt is NOT dischargeable in bankruptcy. Yes, you read that correctly: it's a lifelong ball and chain around the debtor's ankles until it's paid off.

The only party to the loan transaction who is vulnerable is: the student. Often the student is young, or older but struggling and hoping to reach a better life, and usually not very well-informed. Our society has viewed all education as valuable, and thus student loans must be a "good thing" by definition, and nobody wants to look at the downsides and risks.

There's now a huge for-profit educational industry in the US, fueled by student loan money. These self-described "universities" and "colleges" are trade schools which may or may not actually prepare their students for the good skilled jobs they tout in their advertising. They advertise aggressively, targeting vulnerable people who are pushed to take out massive student loans and who have a good chance of dropping out before completing the program. But, as noted, the schools and the lenders win because the schools got paid and the lenders are holding non-dischargeable loans - which will follow those former students to their dying day, regardless of whether they finished the school's program, or whether the school was a rip-off offering substandard/useless "training." A good book about the for-profit education industry racket is Lower Ed.

I hope this post isn't considered inflammatory or "political," but I feel strongly about what this blind ignorance about student loan debt has done and is doing to millions of people in this country, and because we have an international membership here I hope this is a useful introduction to a subject that's more familiar to US members.

[Ohiopirate02]

4 minutes ago, Jeeves said:

@galaxychaser, I'm sorry for your loss, and glad to read the many helpful replies. I don't have anything substantive to add, except my best wishes as you negotiate your path.

Over in the "Sweet Fellowship: Duggars . . . and friends" topic, @Totally asked what the FAFSA (college aid) application meant, i.e., does it mean that based on income you can study for reduced fees. To keep from going ballistically off topic I said I'd post a reply over here.

There are a few grants and some scholarships available, but the overwhelming way that people finance their post-high-school education in the US is: student loans. This has become a big deal and IMO it's one of those things that is great in theory, but it's been so abused in practice that it's now a national menace.

Even this article which seems to think student loans are fine and coaches the debtors on positive thinking, documents what a huge burden those loans are on generations of Americans. More information is here and here.  And those articles talk generally about people who took out those loans and actually graduated. There are huge numbers of people who took student loans and either never completed a degree program, or used them for courses of study in for-profit trade schools which didn't equip them for the good jobs they were led to expect. But they STILL have to pay back that debt. Although the debt didn't do anything to boost their earning power and is now just one more thing holding them back from financial security.

Here's why student loans are such a racket, IMO. Two parties to the transaction are guaranteed to profit: the school and the lender. The school wins because student loan proceeds are used to pay nonrefundable tuition and fees. Even if the school offers a substandard level of "education," the student has no legal recourse against the school. The lender wins, because by law student loan debt is NOT dischargeable in bankruptcy. Yes, you read that correctly: it's a lifelong ball and chain around the debtor's ankles until it's paid off.

The only party to the loan transaction who is vulnerable is: the student. Often the student is young, or older but struggling and hoping to reach a better life, and usually not very well-informed. Our society has viewed all education as valuable, and thus student loans must be a "good thing" by definition, and nobody wants to look at the downsides and risks.

There's now a huge for-profit educational industry in the US, fueled by student loan money. These self-described "universities" and "colleges" are trade schools which may or may not actually prepare their students for the good skilled jobs they tout in their advertising. They advertise aggressively, targeting vulnerable people who are pushed to take out massive student loans and who have a good chance of dropping out before completing the program. But, as noted, the schools and the lenders win because the schools got paid and the lenders are holding non-dischargeable loans - which will follow those former students to their dying day, regardless of whether they finished the school's program, or whether the school was a rip-off offering substandard/useless "training." A good book about the for-profit education industry racket is Lower Ed.

I hope this post isn't considered inflammatory or "political," but I feel strongly about what this blind ignorance about student loan debt has done and is doing to millions of people in this country, and because we have an international membership here I hope this is a useful introduction to a subject that's more familiar to US members.

Lower Ed was one of my favorite nonfiction books of 2017, and the author is one of my favorite people on Twitter.

[latetotheparty]

@Jeeves I co-sign everything you’ve said. Our student loan situation is a disgrace. 

[Barb23]

Death does affect everyone differently. My dad died end of January 1995. It hit me hardest on the first Father's Day after that. Instead of a cookout, we would be visiting him in the cemetery. 

My mom said it hit her  when she had to sign Christmas cards with just her name. 

[Mindthinkr]

@galaxychaser I’m very sorry to hear of your loss. My heartfelt condolences. I lost my last parent 7 years ago. My Mom. Little things will bring her back to me. A certain smell. Seeing a recipe fall out of a cookbook that she hand wrote. I don’t know that the loss will ever leave me but now I welcome the memories instead of being sad. It takes time and there is no set schedule. You have been given some good suggestions up thread. I hope that you see something that eases your pain.  *big virtual hugs* 

[marypat57]

To galaxychaser:

My deep sympathy on the loss of your mother.   My own mom died 24 years ago, at home in the kitchen.  She was talking to my sister on the phone when she told my sister she felt faint.  I think that she passed away  very quickly from a heart attack.  I was at a school party that I didn't want to go to, but I did because I wouldn't be able to get my money back.  While I was sitting at my table talking to someone, I felt a tap on my shoulder.  No one was near me.  I looked at my watch and noted the time (it turned out to be just about the time she passed).   When I pulled up in front of my house, I noticed many cars in front.  My dearest friend's husband volunteered to come out and tell me.

It also happened to be my parent's wedding anniversary.  Both of them died in the kitchen of that house.  Now, as I approach my birthday (I will be the same age my mom was when she passed), it seems to be affecting me more.  

As the other posters have said, each person grieves differently.  No one can tell you what is right or wrong.  I relied on my faith (ebil Catholic) and my siblings (7 of them), siblings in law and my friends.  I don't visit the cemetery often, because it is about 50 miles from where I live now.  Sometimes on the anniversary, I will drive past our former home and say a prayer, or just stop and remember.

 

I wil remember you and your family in my prayers, galaxychaser.

[jcbrown]

@galaxychaser, I'm sorry for your loss. My mom died 10.5 years ago after a years-long battle with Alzheimer's. She died in October. The first Mother's Day after her death I was in the copy room at work when a colleague started complaining about having to visit both her mother and mother-in-law for the day. I had to walk out of the room. It took a long time and to this day, there are things that will trigger me to get choked up. At first, when I saw her in dreams, she was sick. After a couple of years, when I see her in my dreams now, she is well, so I look forward to that. I don't think I will ever stop missing her.

My dad is now suffering from Alzheimer's (much more cognizant than mom was) and I am actually having trouble grieving his loss in ways that I did not with Mom. Of course, I grieved the whole time she was sick, as you do with this fucking disease, but I was still functioning better. Dad's illness has really knocked me sideways, even though he is not near death yet, as far as we know, though I do have trusteeship of his assets and got his house sold and him moved into a memory care facility.

All this to say it just varies. I second, third, whatever the recommendation to look into grief counseling. It can be very freeing to have a place where you know you can just go and cry if you need to.

Edited July 28, 2018 by jcbrown

[Jynnan tonnix]

Reading all these reactions to loved ones dying makes me feel more than ever that there is just something wrong with me. I've long felt, and have mentioned it here, that I feel as though I might possibly fall on the autism spectrum, maybe partially due to being born two months early, but I just have never felt connected to other people to the point of their deaths having any impact on me. Partly, maybe, it's due to never living close enough to grandparents, uncles, aunts or cousins to have a real, organic relationship with them, plus I was an only child who was just never that close to my parents despite them being much better human beings than I could ever hope to be (I always felt I fell short, but, as a person who lives more inside my own head, I also felt that I maybe had my own sorts of strengths which were never recognized)...whatever it all stemmed from, I'm more or less useless as a human being, but don't know how to be anyone other than myself. 

I'd be devastated if anything happened to my kids, but that's about it...My father's death last year never made me shed a tear or even choke up. My mother is having a lot of issues right now, and I do what I can for her, but she's basically disappointed every morning that she wakes up to find she's still alive, and I can't say that I necessarily disagree - she's done, and just wants it to be over, so I'm sure I probably won't cry over her either. 

 As far as Mr Jyn, other than appreciating what an outstanding person he is and feeling lucky to have him, I have never been what one might call "in love" with him either, and feel as though if he were gone I would just turn the page and move on...

I've never even cried over a pet's passing.

I just feel like a miserable excuse for a human being. This isn't the way real people are...

[Mindthinkr]

11 hours ago, Jynnan tonnix said:

I just feel like a miserable excuse for a human being. This isn't the way real people are...

You are not some miserable human being. You just process things differently. My brother is somewhat the same way. I’ve watched both my parents and sister die and I never saw a tear. Some people are stoic. Some people hide their feelings. Some wait until they are alone. Some are just like you and don’t cry at all. You are still normal. Just a bit different than most of us. 

Edited July 29, 2018 by Mindthinkr

[Nysha]

11 minutes ago, Jynnan tonnix said:

I just feel like a miserable excuse for a human being. This isn't the way real people are...

Your lack of attachment to people does not make you a miserable excuse for a human being. You are who you are. It's your actions that count. I'm pretty sure that Jim Bob loves his daughters, but his actions towards them make him a miserable excuse for a human being. 

[Zella]

My sincerest condolences to everyone who is grieving a loved one's passing. 

@Jynnan tonnix I sometimes wonder about myself. I mean, I have had losses that devastated me, but I just rarely cry. Other people (like coworkers, friends, relatives) will offhand mention stuff about crying and look to me for support/confirmation, and I am honestly baffled. I can't relate, and I know I have infuriated people when I tell them, quite honestly, that I don't cry much. I will sob uncontrollably while reading a book in private but never shed a tear upon the passing of several relatives I was genuinely fond of. 

I only know you from this forum, but I always appreciate and enjoy your insightful posts. They don't reveal a "miserable excuse for a human being" at all. 

[doodlebug]

Brought over from another thread:

Quote

  6 hours ago, kokapetl said:

Is it true that the menstruation that women on the pill experience is not real menstruation, and completely avoidable?

Sorry if this is a dumb question. All my knowledge on female contraception dates to high school health classes in the late 90s. 

 

It's technically not menstruation because, by definition, menstruation involves the bleeding that happens after a woman ovulates but does not conceive.  Since there's no ovulation with the pill, the technical term that we use to describe that flow is withdrawal bleeding because it results from the removal of the hormones provided by the pill.

There is no medical reason why a woman needs to have a period every month and, if you think about it, it is only in very recent history that a woman would expect to spend a majority of her adult life having monthly periods.  First, menarche (the first period) used to come later on average and menopause came at a younger age.  This was probably because women were overall not as healthy or well nourished as today.  Henry the VIII started divorce proceedings against Catherine of Aragon when she was in her early 40's because she was menopausal and she was not considered exceptionally young to be menopausal.

In addition, think about the lives of women until recently.  Most were married by late teens/early 20's and had their first child within a year or two at most.  Then, women would nurse their children for a year or more.  When you look at how many pregnancies the typical woman had in her lifetime as well as how much time she spent nursing; it was extremely uncommon for women over the history of the world to go for years and years with an unbroken record of monthly periods.  They had far, far fewer periods over a lifetime than women do today; so the notion that there is something beneficial about having regular menstruation for years on end is a very recent one.

The inventors of the pill (who were obviously NOT women) felt that women wanted a monthly episode of bleeding and would find it upsetting not to have one which is why the pill was designed with the placebo week.  There is no medical reason why an otherwise healthy woman needs to have a period and using the pill or depo provera or a progestin IUD is perfectly safe and reasonable.  Note: I am not talking about women with polycystic ovaries or other hormone imbalances that cause them to go long periods without menstruating; that is not healthy.

[jcbrown]

17 minutes ago, doodlebug said:

The inventors of the pill (who were obviously NOT women) felt that women wanted a monthly episode of bleeding and would find it upsetting not to have one which is why the pill was designed with the placebo week.  

Totally agree that if the pill had been invented by women, we would not have included monthly bleeding. Fortunately, that is easily avoided.

That said, I heard one of the inventors, Carl Djerassi, speak at a conference in the 90s and was really impressed with him. I first became acquainted with him by reading some of his fiction, which he called "science-in-fiction" rather than science ficiton. Pretty fascinating guy.

[Scarlett45]

@Jynnan tonnix you are most certainly a real person. Who you are is completely valid and complete; I’m sure Mr Jynn and your children love and appreciate you just as you are. 

@galaxychaser my deepest sympathies for the loss of your mother. I don’t think that’s something you ever really get over you just have to learn to live with it. I second the idea that maybe a grief support group may be a comfort to you. 

[Happyfatchick]

I still haven’t had the chance to go back and catch up the long way, but I’m seeing here that @galaxychaser lost her mom.  I’m so so sorry.  It’s so much more difficult for us to lose a parent than I’ve ever understood prior to doing it personally.  It’s like stepping off a cliff blindfolded.  I’m the only girl, so naturally it fell to ME to take my brother’s hands and lead the march off that cliff too.  I tell my MIL every year at thanksgiving we can’t attend her dinner:  i AM that person who’s making dinner for my family.  I am the matriarch.  When did this happen???  It’s alarming and scary.  I think, especially with my mom, I had a bazillion questions and family facts I needed to KNOW but but never asked before dementia set in.  I’m so disappointed in myself that I didn’t get that!

I don’t know why, exactly, but I feel compelled to talk about my Daddy today.  Both, but mostly Daddy.  And I feel like I’m talking to @Jynnan tonnix but to everyone else too.  Skip to the next post if it gets boring.

The set up:  my Daddy grew up Amish.  I am exactly one generation removed from a horse and Buggy.  When he ran away from the Amish, he joined the military and spent the next 23 years being pounded into a box - we always said he swapped literal Amish for military Amish.  It was a perfect fit.  He retired a Command Sergeant Major.  He thrived.  My mom, on the other hand, was raised in south Georgia, the youngest daughter to a rough edge badass bandy legged rooster of a  sharecropper and a sickly mother.  

My father’s approach to parenting was (predictably) a mix of Amish and Army.  Amish men (then at least - I’ve noticed changes over the years) took their role with children to be “not my problem”.  Amish children were best seen and not heard - DEFINITELY seen, as a large herd was revered.  We weren’t silly in front of him, we weren’t rowdy, we didn’t talk at dinner, we didn’t talk in church, we didn’t talk when we had company.  Military children need to be tidy, to take punishment stoically, to never EVER question authority, to never giggle inappropriately, to never discuss family matters (inside OR outside the house).   Just this week, I heard someone (with a military father) mention on TV that they had to stand outside their bedroom door and announce that their room was “ready for inspection”.  I hadnt thought of that in YEARS, but it hit me like a brick - the memory.  I had to do that too!!!

the bottom line: the Amish don’t, as a rule, do affection.  It’s just not part of the package.  And of course, he certainly didn’t pick up “warm and fuzzy” in the army.  My mom (Mama) was HILARIOUS and boisterous and spontaneous - polar opposite of Daddy.  We got affection and normal correction from her.  She played with me.  She rode bikes with me.  She danced and could be outrageous, and was our safe harbor.  She didn’t cross Daddy, ever, and she followed his wishes when we were together as a family.  She allowed his discipline.  But when he was away, we were a different group of people.  Totally different dynamic.

I guess it’s embedded in every little girl, or every child.  I guess everyone wants a dad.  I know I did.  I ADORED my Daddy, and yet was terrified of him.  Life changed every day when we heard his boots on the steps.  It was a different house - a different family - when he was present.  I followed him around, learned from him, sat next to him, laid my head in his lap on Sundays at church, played with Barbies in the golf cart while he played on Saturday mornings, was his shadow - unless he was Sergeant-barking around the house about something.  He spoke in cadence too, when giving “instructions” (orders).  PUT. YOUR. SOCKS-ON!    EAT. YOUR. BREAKFAST!     MAKE. YOUR. BED-UP!    But I wanted to be cuddled.  I wanted to be picked up.  I wanted to feel wanted.  I needed to be nurtured.  I craved his love.  People would say “oh, I bet you are so spoiled!  You must be daddy’s little girl!”  In my head, I would always think “you’ve got to be kidding!  I’m TERRIFIED of him!”  But.  I always wanted it.

My brothers are 7 and 9 years older than me, and so were both out and gone the first minute feasible (albeit the oldest went to ‘Nam, because it was volunteer or be drafted).  Life, for me, continued as it had except my grandmother (Granny) was invalid by then and lived with us.  Mama had coerced Daddy into fostering children and we always had a baby or toddler in the house.  We did our playing and I learned affection outside of daddy’s influence.  And I waited for him to love me.  I think I knew, on some level, he DID love me.  He just wasn’t capable of showing me.  No physical affection, no playing or talking, no “I love you”.  But I was pretty sure he loved me, somehow.   

And here’s where the roads diverged for me and my bros - I never lived far from my parents.  Even when I married, I stayed close.  Many years down the road, my middle bro bought some land from Daddy and built a house on the same road - but consistently over the years, I always was with my parents more.  When my Daddy died in 2012, I picked his casket and made all the arrangements.  We all gave eulogies.  My oldest bro gave examples of trying to follow daddy’s instructions (orders!) and being clipped every time, and called stupid.  My middle bro gave examples with underlying tones of “I never knew what he wanted from me”.  I said I loved him and didn’t know how I could live without him.

i kept waiting.  I kept believing in my little girls heart that one day, somehow, he would actually be able to show me he loved me.  And he did!  I know that’s not how it goes for everyone, and I’m lucky, but I stayed the course.  My bothers never felt that, but I did.  I remember the miraculous change vividly.  We were at dinner one night - my mom being the South Georgia girl who always made sure there was enough dinner for everybody who happened by (and I was fairly adept at happening by at the right time...).  I was married and my second child was about 2.  I was about 23.  My Daddy had my daughter on his lap with her plate next to his.  He was patiently working her from knee to knee while she alternated eating from her plate and his - with her fingers.  This had been a really territorial father - I’d never seen him eat holding a child, and had never EVER had a drink from his cup or a bite from his plate.  Not done.  He’s acting like it’s normal and acceptable.  Because I am my mothers child, I said “who ARE you, and where is my father???”  He looked abashed and blushed, and continued to eat around the baby in his lap.  

From then, he just slowly morphed like a butterfly, turning into a Daddy I had always known he could be.  He learned to give big squishy hugs, even kissing me and my children on the lips sometimes.  I never talked to him after that when he didn’t say he loved me at the end of the conversation.  Was there a moment when he looked around and said...I’m missing something?  Was it when he could relax and not feel like he was responsible?  Was it when he saw our family as a bigger picture and realized we were a close tight-knit group and he was on the outside?  I have no idea, although we talked about it, to this very day I don’t know what caused the transformation.  My middle bro, who lives on the road, saw it but couldn’t accept it.  I think at first he didn’t believe it was real (it was!) and then, rather than running with it, he was resentful.  It was too late.  The older bro, because he was long gone and stayed on the periphery, just never saw it at all.  Couldn’t or wouldn’t.  He’s kind of a slug.  Slow moving, slow talking.  

But I did.  I eagerly accepted it and ate it up.  I learned all his woodworking skills, I learned his gardening skills, I learned to laugh with him (instead of AT him behind his back).  I had the amazing experience in his late life of taking over his care, and watching his face break into a thousand suns when I walked into the room.  When my mother fell headfirst into Alzheimer’s, he took on her care (himself a sick man) and shook off anyone who tried to take over (me).  But he let me take care of him.  I scheduled a billion appointments, I drove him half a million miles.  I cooked for them (him, because she was clueless), cleaned for them, scheduled other people to do things for them.  And basked in his love for me.  Held his hand while he died.  

All that to say, @Jynnan tonnix, I’m not sure why you feel so out of touch emotionally to others.  I know I ❤️ You dearly - I’ve always thought we related well. I think some people (and I suspect you are one) just have a tighter grip on their emotional attachment buttons, and can’t quite let it go.  It’s hard, hard I say! To put your heart, trust and love in someone else’s hands.  And although I did it with Daddy, I totally relate to that in other relationships.  BECAUSE of my relationship with him, he made me be guarded aginst handing over my most inner self to others.   I would kill and walk away from someone threatening my kids or grands in any way - but while I love my husband dearly , I’m pretty sure I’ll be a page turner and move on when he’s gone.  There's nothing I wouldn’t do for him - I’m a good wife- but I don’t have that total can’t-live-without-him thing going on.  (Did Harry Nilsson just break into song in anyone’s head besides mine??)

also, I want to add that his children have all taken different routes to raising our own children.  The oldest retreated mostly into himself and is absolutely clueless.  His children are near 40 and one still lives with him (with her own husband and offspring).  He has no idea how to relate to her, or how to make her stand up.  The middle bro, although resentful and harsh and a little vicious about his childhood, raised his two boys in all the ways he most resented.  His grown boys mostly avoid him.  I am dumbfounded and have talked to his wife many times (we are close like sisters) about that - WHY would he adopt THOSE particular mannerisms when he HATED it so much?  Why???  And me... well, I am my mother.  Maybe that’s why I stuck it out until I found the man I knew he could be.  She lived married to him for almost 63 years and felt confident in his love.  I am an exact carbon dated copy.  If she could find it, I could find it.  I’m a lover.  I love my babies - all of them - and they know it.  I am the backbone of this family, and I know that.  It’s not wrong to hold your heartstrings close - you just have to pick your battles I think.

anyway, I have things to do besides pontificate, I just felt the need to share.  

***I came back to add a sidebar, completely unrelated.  I don’t have one single feature (other than my mop of hair) that came from Mama’s gene pool.  I don’t have her facial structure, her nose, her teeth or her eyes.  Nada.  I look like mi padre.  BUT, every single time I run into someone from my past who knew us both, they exclaim “OMG, you look JUST LIKE your MOTHER!!!”  Nope, I don’t.  But I ACT like my mom.  I have her mannerisms, I stand like her, i walk like her, I joke like her, my facial expressions mimic hers.  As I type this (no kidding) I have my top lip rolled inward against my teeth.  Sometimes when I really concentrate heavily, I roll top and bottom both inward and pin them with my teeth.  Guess where I learned that?  I’m the same height, have the same shoe size, my hands are duplicates.  I am my mother.

I promise I’m done now.  I’m so sorry for the unbelievably long post!!!

Edited July 29, 2018 by Happyfatchick
Just to say...

[ChiCricket]

Update on my second total knee replacement (done May 21)

  I am FINALLY off all opioids , and nothing hurts. Hallelujah!

Edited July 30, 2018 by ChiCricket
spelling

[LilJen]

On ‎7‎/‎27‎/‎2018 at 5:27 PM, galaxychaser said:

For those who lost a parent how long is normal to be devastated and cry everyday? On top of it all I can’t stop eating. I gained like 50 pounds since my mom died.  

Nothing to add here but ((((((hugs)))))) Waves of grief can come at the weirdest, most unexpected times. DO find people who will listen to you, who will support you.

[CalicoKitty]

I recently bought a new toy--a sheet slicer attachment for my KitchenAid stand mixer.  The first thing I thought of was zucchini "noodles" for lasagna.  Guess what--it actually worked.  I ran the squash through the slicer gizmo, and it made "noodles" about 4-5 inches wide.  The length depends on how fat the squash is, but they were more than long enough for the length of a 9X13 pan.  I let the noodles dry while I watched the Giants game today, and then I just followed the lasagna recipe that mother used to use years ago.  I was worried that the zucchini would make too much moisture, but it must have dried it out just enough.  It actually looks and tastes like lasagna.  And yes, I actually followed a recipe.  I think I will have some fun with this new attachment.  It's almost as fun as the spiralizer, which makes beautiful zucchini "pasta".  

[zoomama]

On 7/28/2018 at 12:23 PM, marypat57 said:

 

 Now, as I approach my birthday (I will be the same age my mom was when she passed), it seems to be affecting me more.  

 

i 100% agree with this! my mother passed pretty young - age 59. i dreaded that particular birthday for myself, just agonized over it every year as it got closer. so when i turned 60, i threw a big party and celebrated that i was fortunate enough to live longer than my mom did.  but to be honest,  i have also become super aware that most people live till about 70ish..and that is less than ten years away for me. i wonder if i have a short time left and sometimes i get discouraged about it. then i think about those around me that are in their 80's and more and just have to take myself and adjust my attitude. my current goal is to live at least 6 more years so i can gt my grandson through high school (we are raising him). kinda morbid i guess...

[Scarlett45]

@galaxychaser I saw this article and thought of you. https://www.fatherly.com/health-science/parent-death-psychological-physical-effects/?utm_medium=OrganicSocial&utm_source=Upworthy&utm_campaign=partner

 

@Happyfatchick I think that for a lot of men, especially generations past, they find it easier to be more affectionate grandfathers than fathers. My grandfather was born in 1914, and while my Mom adored him, his job as a father was to PROVIDE and PROTECT. She said after I was born he became “warm and fuzzy”.....I have to think if THAT was warm and fuzzy then what was he like when she was growing up. He passed in 2003 and we miss him every day. 

[ChiCricket]

     I finally caught up on reading this board (I've been really out of it, lately.)

 I just want to say I hope the VERY best for each and every one of you going through the various trials and tribulations of life and health (and family..especially FAMILY..can't they be a big PITA?) But oh how we miss them when they're gone (or not)

Some of you might not know how much it helps some of us (ok, ME) to have a safe place to vent, bitch, boast, and whine..?

  You guys are the best!

[ChiCricket]

2 hours ago, zoomama said:

 i wonder if i have a short time left and sometimes i get discouraged about it. then i think about those around me that are in their 80's and more and just have to take myself and adjust my attitude. my current goal is to live at least 6 more years so i can gt my grandson through high school (we are raising him). kinda morbid i guess...

You are mirroring my thoughts lately. My husband is 5 years older than me (so he's 71) and today he got on my last nerve because we were watching an old movie, and he kept pausing the tv every time a new actor came on and saying "Is so and so still alive?" I finally said " NO! They're all DEAD! But can we just pretend they're all still alive and enjoy the f'ing movie right now?!" But, yeah, then he gets ME thinking about how many years we have left. I want to not think about it!!

Ps..maybe I need those opioids after all! (I'm KIDDING!)

Edited July 30, 2018 by ChiCricket
spelling

[Mindthinkr]

On aging. I’m dating a man who is 77. He can run circles around me. He is up at 6-7 every morning and can go until 11pm. He has that special ability to sit in this one chair...close his eyes and nap for 20 minutes and fully recharge (I’m so jealous of that). I think the secret is keeping as active as you can be, eating well (he follows the Mediterranean diet but not strictly as he was born in Italy and that’s just his preferred food) and finding joy in every day.  I’m younger but my brother is his age (as is his wife) and they too are active and doing well. We get what God gives us but we can never give up. I have friends that are younger than I am and they aren’t doing as well as myself. Why? Because they don’t do much. One spends 16 hours a day in bed and just to go food shopping is a workout/chore/hardship for her. I’m scared all the time. I’ve beat cancer three times and wonder that I can beat the odds if it were to rear it’s ugly head again. Instead of focusing on that I’m trying to think of what I can accomplish every day. Moving more and be as grateful as possible for each and every day. Do what you can and if it takes baby steps then just take baby steps. Age is just a number. Life is the side effect of living. 

Bless all of you. 

[andromeda331]

16 minutes ago, Mindthinkr said:

On aging. I’m dating a man who is 77. He can run circles around me. He is up at 6-7 every morning and can go until 11pm. He has that special ability to sit in this one chair...close his eyes and nap for 20 minutes and fully recharge (I’m so jealous of that). I think the secret is keeping as active as you can be, eating well (he follows the Mediterranean diet but not strictly as he was born in Italy and that’s just his preferred food) and finding joy in every day.  I’m younger but my brother is his age (as is his wife) and they too are active and doing well. We get what God gives us but we can never give up. I have friends that are younger than I am and they aren’t doing as well as myself. Why? Because they don’t do much. One spends 16 hours a day in bed and just to go food shopping is a workout/chore/hardship for her. I’m scared all the time. I’ve beat cancer three times and wonder that I can beat the odds if it were to rear it’s ugly head again. Instead of focusing on that I’m trying to think of what I can accomplish every day. Moving more and be as grateful as possible for each and every day. Do what you can and if it takes baby steps then just take baby steps. Age is just a number. Life is the side effect of living. 

Bless all of you. 

I try really hard to do that. I'm in my late thirties and for the second time in my life medical problems have made me halt my life. There is so very little that I can do but I focus on what I can do. When I had my first medical problem I read a book by Debbie Macomber the Shop on Blossom Street where one of the characters had cancer twice she got into knitting because it was something she could do and accomplish. I can't knit but I started working on stories. I doubt their any good but it gives me something to work on and focus on. It feels really good when I complete each one. It feels like I've accomplished something. I started out seeing if I could finish one then two and then three. I try to set goals on how many stories I can finish in a year, length, attempt a different genre, series or trying to finish one in a week or two.  It doesn't matter if I meet them or not just gives me something to work towards while I go from doctor to doctor while time is going by. I try to set every day goals even if some are really basic and I don't always meet them everything still depends on good days or bad days but it still helps. Its feels good to focus on what you can do instead of everything you can't do or worry about the medical problems.   

[zoomama]

boy -- i need to take lessons from you guys! what motivation to get off my bootee and get moving. i do need that attitude adjustment in many areas of life!!!!

[Mindthinkr]

9 minutes ago, andromeda331 said:

I try really hard to do that. I'm in my late thirties and for the second time in my life medical problems have made me halt my life. There is so very little that I can do but I focus on what I can do. When I had my first medical problem I read a book by Debbie Macomber the Shop on Blossom Street where one of the characters had cancer twice she got into knitting because it was something she could do and accomplish. I can't knit but I started working on stories. I doubt their any good but it gives me something to work on and focus on. It feels really good when I complete each one. It feels like I've accomplished something. I started out seeing if I could finish one then two and then three. I try to set goals on how many stories I can finish in a year, length, attempt a different genre, series or trying to finish one in a week or two.  It doesn't matter if I meet them or not just gives me something to work towards while I go from doctor to doctor while time is going by. I try to set every day goals even if some are really basic and I don't always meet them everything still depends on good days or bad days but it still helps. Its feels good to focus on what you can do instead of everything you can't do or worry about the medical problems.   

That’s great.  I bet some of them are very good. You are correct in trying to keep your focus on something positive. When I was down I was down...both mentally and physically. We can’t always all be energizer bunnies and that’s ok. When we are very ill or going through chemo (or insert whatever treatment that zaps your energy) we need down time so the body can recover. You are keeping your brain busy and productive and in the long run that will help you. You do know that many famous authors didn’t even begin to write until later in life. Everyone is different and you have to do what’s right for you. 

[kokapetl]

6 hours ago, Mindthinkr said:

On aging. I’m dating a man who is 77. He can run circles around me. He is up at 6-7 every morning and can go until 11pm. He has that special ability to sit in this one chair...close his eyes and nap for 20 minutes and fully recharge (I’m so jealous of that). I think the secret is keeping as active as you can be, eating well (he follows the Mediterranean diet but not strictly as he was born in Italy and that’s just his preferred food) and finding joy in every day.  I’m younger but my brother is his age (as is his wife) and they too are active and doing well. We get what God gives us but we can never give up. I have friends that are younger than I am and they aren’t doing as well as myself. Why? Because they don’t do much. One spends 16 hours a day in bed and just to go food shopping is a workout/chore/hardship for her. I’m scared all the time. I’ve beat cancer three times and wonder that I can beat the odds if it were to rear it’s ugly head again. Instead of focusing on that I’m trying to think of what I can accomplish every day. Moving more and be as grateful as possible for each and every day. Do what you can and if it takes baby steps then just take baby steps. Age is just a number. Life is the side effect of living. 

Bless all of you. 

Are you 76?

On 29/07/2018 at 9:26 AM, doodlebug said:

Brought over from another thread:

 

It's technically not menstruation because, by definition, menstruation involves the bleeding that happens after a woman ovulates but does not conceive.  Since there's no ovulation with the pill, the technical term that we use to describe that flow is withdrawal bleeding because it results from the removal of the hormones provided by the pill.

There is no medical reason why a woman needs to have a period every month and, if you think about it, it is only in very recent history that a woman would expect to spend a majority of her adult life having monthly periods.  First, menarche (the first period) used to come later on average and menopause came at a younger age.  This was probably because women were overall not as healthy or well nourished as today.  Henry the VIII started divorce proceedings against Catherine of Aragon when she was in her early 40's because she was menopausal and she was not considered exceptionally young to be menopausal.

In addition, think about the lives of women until recently.  Most were married by late teens/early 20's and had their first child within a year or two at most.  Then, women would nurse their children for a year or more.  When you look at how many pregnancies the typical woman had in her lifetime as well as how much time she spent nursing; it was extremely uncommon for women over the history of the world to go for years and years with an unbroken record of monthly periods.  They had far, far fewer periods over a lifetime than women do today; so the notion that there is something beneficial about having regular menstruation for years on end is a very recent one.

The inventors of the pill (who were obviously NOT women) felt that women wanted a monthly episode of bleeding and would find it upsetting not to have one which is why the pill was designed with the placebo week.  There is no medical reason why an otherwise healthy woman needs to have a period and using the pill or depo provera or a progestin IUD is perfectly safe and reasonable.  Note: I am not talking about women with polycystic ovaries or other hormone imbalances that cause them to go long periods without menstruating; that is not healthy.

That fake period is just cruel.