S05.E10: Week 6: Season Finale

[LakeGal]

I noticed that Shu's blue nail polish perfectly matched her blue earrings. I was bored listening to her and Robby. 

[Wandering Snark]

LakeGal I noticed that too. Never seen that as a matchup before.

Wow, Annalise and Jordon both parts of the final pairs that weren't 'Scared Straight' by our host (and resident wet blanket)... I would not have called either of those, but then Krystal and Chris as well so... whoa. I feel like I'm taking crazy pills!

I was waiting for a 'record scratch' sound and Chris Harrison popping out to tell Venmo John and Olivia "That is not how this works!! That's not how ANY of this works!!" There IS no real world only Bachelor Nation. There is no "dating" and "seeing how it goes" there is serious life long committed relationships or NOTHING. You CAN'T just "hang out" or "call each other" without expressed (maybe even written?) consent from the Show.

Oh Astrid. You seem so "normal" and well-adjusted. You should have heeded that "I see a therapist TWICE a week" red flag, shouldn't you? Kevin has been put through a sausage grinder by his association with the Bachelor Family, he's still all jumbled up inside because of it. I hope Astrid realizes this and whisks him away to Bachelor detox/intervention. That's his only hope.

Kendall. "I just don't know what kind of love it is or if it's 'in love' " Bitch please... you're not that pained about this whole thing, you've just led Joe on with your quirky charms and siren's song the whole time.

I loved that Joe stopped her and made her stop from saying "we" with Kendall projecting her issues onto him in the process.

[Andromeda]

Kevin should be dating Annalise. She can talk about how scarred she is from carnival rides and he can whinge about past fantasy suite dates. 

Astrid should have told him that she's not either of those women, so give them a chance. 

I do wonder what happened with Ashley, though. 

[phlebas]

4 hours ago, Andromeda said:

I do wonder what happened with Ashley, though. 

From what I can tell, that break-up was all on Ashley. Her Dream Guy suddenly got interested at about the time Kevin was teaching her to do sex. On her podcast she talked about other things like distance between their homes and stuff, but she broke up with him immediately after Jared activated himself.

Probably for the best. They are both ugly criers. Their kids would have turned people to stone.

ETA: Also maybe this Toronto boy should stop dating LA ladies.

Edited September 11, 2018 by phlebas

[mertensia]

That was a lovely, lovely set down delivered.

See, the show needs so many more random things like Diggy's horn-blower of doom, walking the stuffed dogs and Kevin being all sad he wasn't going to get to eat his breakfast.

[JudyObscure]

I hate myself for it, but I actually started to cry when Jordan and Jenna were declaring their love for each other.  I think Jenna is beautiful and sweet and I kind of love Jordan for agreeing with me and seeing those qualities in her.  I also love how his eyes shine when he talks about her -- so if he breaks up with her tonight, I'll be very upset.

Chris and Krystal are both sort of idiots, but they did have such awful childhoods, I think they're well suited and hope they don't hurt each other.

Kamil may just be the sort of vain, pretty boy who loves women for the reflection of himself in her eyes.  In which case Annaliese is the one.

[phlebas]

8 hours ago, Ms Blue Jay said:

Astrid's body is an 11/10 I can't stop staring, it's ridiculous.  Jeez.  She's so mature and cool too.

Seriously.  If I were standing on that beach with her and Cassandra, I would never stop running into things or falling over.

[TheFinalRose]

100 % of Kendall's tears were attributed to the fact that Grocer Joe didn't sit and listen to her obsessing about her feelings all night. She is probably so used to navel gazing for hours on end. I am slightly in awe of Joe's clear-headedness --- seeing right away that if she wanted him she'd be saying completely different things, and ... boom! He's gone.  That exit was a thing of beauty.  

Pretty sure that the other missing 20% in Kevin's calculation of love was not wanting to pass up his chance to be the American Bachelor. 

56 minutes ago, JudyObscure said:

Chris and Krystal are both sort of idiots, but they did have such awful childhoods, I think they're well suited and hope they don't hurt each other.

But what's worse, they both had awful edits on their seasons.  I'm really suspecting now that they both are using BIP to rehab their bad images because there is No Way Krystal is into Chris that much.  She just wanted to come off sane and nice and not be the crazy one anymore, and Chris needed that too.  Once it's over (Thankfully, tonight) Krystal can go back home and her yoga/personal trainer business can start recovering from the hit it took in Arie's season.

[nlkm9]

7 hours ago, Madding crowd said:

This episode settled the question for me on whether Joe was dim or just camera shy. I think Joe is just as smart or smarter than other guys on the show and gorgeous to boot.

Does Venmo John think he has a chance to be The Bachelor? He seems very fake in his dealing with people. 

I went from really liking John to really disliking his behavior on bip--nice guy turned player. You cant believe a word he says. its a shame. nothing wrong with datind around, but he just came off a lot like bob guiney, jmo.

1 hour ago, JudyObscure said:

I hate myself for it, but I actually started to cry when Jordan and Jenna were declaring their love for each other.  I think Jenna is beautiful and sweet and I kind of love Jordan for agreeing with me and seeing those qualities in her.  I also love how his eyes shine when he talks about her -- so if he breaks up with her tonight, I'll be very upset.

Chris and Krystal are both sort of idiots, but they did have such awful childhoods, I think they're well suited and hope they don't hurt each other.

Kamil may just be the sort of vain, pretty boy who loves women for the reflection of himself in her eyes.  In which case Annaliese is the one.

I like that Chris and Krystal actually appeared to have deep conversation about their pasts, unlike Annaliesse who came off as so desparate and scary, honestly she would get engaged to anybody there. pathetic. I think evan and carly picked up on it immediately.

[jumper sage]

10 hours ago, Wandering Snark said:

I was waiting for a 'record scratch' sound and Chris Harrison popping out to tell Venmo John and Olivia "That is not how this works!! That's not how ANY of this works!!"

OMG!  Me too!  Why didn't more of them do that?  This show is sooooo stupid and I love that those 2 just walked away and were, gasp, happy.

The sight of Chris with a blindfold and Krystal with the feather was..................NO, JUST NO!

Are we going to talk about Desiree and her husband being on Marriage Boot Camp?  I think they are doing the Bachelor Nation hat trick.  She was on Bachelor and then was the Bachelorette and was dumped by Brooks at final 2 and pretended to like the guy she married and they are expecting their 2nd child.  Anyways, if they split up and are back on the market can they both go on BIP?

This is the dumbest franchise in the history of television.  These people are damaged or are really in 5th grade costumed like adults.

Edited September 11, 2018 by jumper sage

[leighdear]

I think the C & K "Dog Walking" was pretty damn funny.  They both got into it as a goof, and it certainly made me laugh for the right reasons.  

[JenLily]

I literally could not stop shouting, “No, no, no, no, no!” while wagging my finger at Kendall. You do not get to put your bullshit onto Joe. He was perfectly clear the *entire* time he was there how he felt about her, and the whole time she was waiting for the next best thing. Then when it came time to do or die, she realized she’d rather die but wanted to make him feel like he was the one holding the knife to her throat. I am so glad that he saw through her nonsense and didn’t let her gaslight him into thinking he did anything wrong. Call me, Grocer Joe. I’m in the area, I’m a nice person, and I love food so your store will always be in business. 

4 hours ago, mertensia said:

 

That was a lovely, lovely set down delivered.

See, the show needs so many more random things like Diggy's horn-blower of doom, walking the stuffed dogs and Kevin being all sad he wasn't going to get to eat his breakfast.

 

When Kevin was distressed about his food about to be brought out and him missing it, I was like, bro, you’re speaking to my heart right now. 

Edited September 11, 2018 by JenLily

[backformore]

1 hour ago, leighdear said:

I think the C & K "Dog Walking" was pretty damn funny.  They both got into it as a goof, and it certainly made me laugh for the right reasons.  

Funny, yeah.  But I kept thinking that they took two perfectly good, new stuffed animals and wrecked them by dragging them through the sand.   This, added to the previously wrecked stuffed animals, made me sad.   Why the hell do they have so many stuffed animals in Paradise anyway?  

38 minutes ago, JenLily said:

Call me, Grocer Joe. I’m in the area, I’m a nice person, and I love food so your store will always be in business. 

Yeah, he's such a good Chicago guy, he always seemed familiar to me, like I've known him for a long time.   He's like the good guy in a lot of movies - the guy that gets overlooked by the girl who friend-zoned him, until she gets burned by some other guy and realizes her "friend"  was the one all along. 

He's too good for Kendall.

[RosieRose221]

12 hours ago, Mu Shu said:

Because then he couldn’t Mesnick and show us his hideous big toe.

Kendall Tamra Judge cried.  Made an ugly face and tried to squeeze out tears and failed.

Hahahahahah totally!

[Koalagirl]

2 hours ago, jumper sage said:

OMG!  Me too!  Why didn't more of them do that?  This show is sooooo stupid and I love that those 2 just walked away and were, gasp, happy.

The sight of Chris with a blindfold and Krystal with the feather was..................NO, JUST NO!

Are we going to talk about Destiny and her husband being on Marriage Boot Camp?  I think they are doing the Bachelor Nation hat trick.  She was on Bachelor and then was the Bachelorette and was dumped by Brooks at final 2 and pretended to like the guy she married and they are expecting their 2nd child.  Anyways, if they split up and are back on the market can they both go on BIP?

This is the dumbest franchise in the history of television.  These people are damaged or are really in 5th grade costumed like adults.

I think you mean Desiree, not Destiny.

[dbell1]

Joe is the kind of guy you marry. If Kendall were 30, she'd be looking at Joe as husband material. But she's still looking for the Leos of this world. She wants hot, not dependably hot/semi hot. (And no, I never thought Leo was gorgeous, even before his trash bag personality came out). Looks fade. 

I loved him calling her out on her bullshit projection. He's waited for her the whole time. He turned down dates. And she decided to flake at the end. It's her right, but it's really wrong to do that to him.

I loved Astrid's reaction to Kevin. When she realized he was dumping her because of his past, she walked away. If Kevin can't see she's not an Ashley, then he doesn't deserve her.

And Jordan just glowed around Jenna - that's total puppy love there.  So freaking cute!

[RosieRose221]

OMG! Annaleise is the most annoying and desperate person ever on this show. GET IT TOGETHER!

[seacliffsal]

I think that Kendall sees herself as all-wise and therefore once to instruct others on what they are feeling and how they need to act.  I just loved that Joe was having none of her nonsense.  Kendall used manipulative language-always referencing how "we" felt, and Joe very clearly and directly corrected her in that she was expressing how "she" felt, not how "we" felt.  I also think that his huge smile when talking about becoming engaged was sincere.  I know that when I'm really happy I can not hide the smiles (and have seen many others respond in like manner).  He just seemed really happy and was excited about the future.  But no, spoiled little princess Kendall could not have that and needed to up the drama quotient.  I was also very glad that Joe told her he turned down other dates while she went after Leo and even kissed John.  Kendall really did make everything about her and her feelings rather than expressing interest in Joe and his feelings.  I wonder if she thought she was auditioning for the Bachelorette just like so many of the men were auditioning for the Bachelor.

[jumper sage]

13 minutes ago, Koalagirl said:

I think you mean Desiree, not Destiny.

Yes, thank you I fixed it.  See how forgettable these people are?  I still don't know everyone's name.

Loved that the trombone (?) guy was in the car with Diggy.

Just now, seacliffsal said:

He just seemed really happy and was excited about the future.  But no, spoiled little princess Kendall could not have that and needed to up the drama quotient.

And then she sat there and cried about not seeing him in the morning.  WTF?

[nlkm9]

my impression of marriage boot camp (I have never watched it) is that even happy couples go on there because its good money for them, and for others a way to stay relevant. From what I have seen of Desiree, its probably for the money.

[Mu Shu]

I’m not sure what Kendalls game is.  She’s getting a shitty edit and reamed on Instagram.

Emotional intelligence my ass.  She’s a spoiled, failed famewhore.  Who drank donkey semen on fear factor.  She’s a totally self absorbed, shallow asshole.  

[nlkm9]

5 hours ago, JudyObscure said:

I hate myself for it, but I actually started to cry when Jordan and Jenna were declaring their love for each other.  I think Jenna is beautiful and sweet and I kind of love Jordan for agreeing with me and seeing those qualities in her.  I also love how his eyes shine when he talks about her -- so if he breaks up with her tonight, I'll be very upset.

Chris and Krystal are both sort of idiots, but they did have such awful childhoods, I think they're well suited and hope they don't hurt each other.

Kamil may just be the sort of vain, pretty boy who loves women for the reflection of himself in her eyes.  In which case Annaliese is the one.

Im also impressed that Jordan saw her messing around with Benoit and was able to get past it--so for him, I hope this lasts. Even though she irritates me, I like them together and they would have gorgeous kids:)

1 minute ago, Mu Shu said:

I’m not sure what Kendalls game is.  She’s getting a shitty edit and reamed on Instagram.

Emotional intelligence my ass.  She’s a spoiled, failed famewhore.  Who drank donkey semen on fear factor.  She’s a totally self absorbed, shallow asshole.  

ewww. had no idea she was on that show. sheesh.

[Rainsong]

Blood.  Sweat.  Tears.  Smashed furniture.  Challenges to manhood.  Violent outbursts.  Strange masks hiding true feelings.  Mexican wrestling matches?  No.  It’s Bachelor In Paradise as Chris Harrison’s dream scenario has turned into a potential nightmare.  A full complement of couples are now in the process of dashing themselves to pieces onto the rocks.  And Harrison, Fleiss & Co. have nobody to blame but themselves.

By shifting the format from ‘red-blooded singles do what comes naturally at a resort’ to an elongated Married At First Sight, the producers have placed all their chips on the Proposal spot of the roulette layout and are losing their stake quickly.  The sanest members of the cast are, not coincidentally, the strongest couples are also the smarter ones who understand the implications for themselves and their partners.  Being herded into a marriage scenario is disconcerting, upsetting and, as we see, mostly disastrous.

But first…oops.  Wait.  Sorry, that’s Julie Chen’s line, widely mocked for its repetition.  And speaking of disasters, she’s got one at home except home was clearly not in his plans all that often.

But first…it’s romantic bliss all round with strings swelling in the background.  Jordan’s beard has passed the fashionably scruffy stage and is now in Jiffy Lube attendant territory.  They arrive at a photographer’s camp.  And meet a camp photographer.  Jenna wisely gives him and his purple mop air kisses from a distance of about 500 ft.  A photo shoot involves a valet parking attendant’s rented tux and a wedding dress a bit too big for Jenna despite her boosted bust and corset lacing.  Jenna seems to be giving away the game with her constant analysis of their situation rather than her usual unbridled enthusiasm.  Both outfits are sacrificed to the surf and the video editor’s black box is non-negotiable this time.

In Bachelorland if they use your full name it usually means you’re a designated villain.  Like Robby Hayes.  Jordan lifts his leg and marks his territory again.  Robby finally cottons on to the existing arrangements and takes the only available female on a date.  To Melrose Place.  Kiwi Jordan & Cassandra finally pair off good and proper.

Joe, I don’t offer advice very often, especially months after the fact when it’s pointless and you can’t hear me anyway, but you are committing a cardinal sin of joking about Very Serious Things like getting engaged.  It just isn’t the done thing even on reality TV.  Kendall sparks up at his flippancy and rightly so.  Joe attempts to transplant his cold feet onto Kendall’s ankles.  Kevin refers to ‘The way Kendall treated him.’  Huh?  Bro Code and all that but let’s not revise history (badly) here.

Anneliese is still talking about one knee, proposal etc. like a six year old talks about her upcoming birthday party.  The theoretical is well ahead of the practical.  But she displays a keen mastery of higher mathematics by noting that there is an extra male to be expunged soon.  John, ever the charmer, announces to Olivia that he’s finished his book.  Form a single-file line, ladies!  Diggy isn’t having it.  And neither are the trumpet player and his mute.  John steps in and drags her to a stand of sad-looking sunflowers haphazardly poked into the sand.  The set dressers on this show are stealing their wages.  A few flowers, a few candles, a few blankets.  Or maybe they’re partaking in the locally-produced cannabis before their shift.  John is still using his creepy camp counselor voice as he wows Olivia with the breaking scientific discovery that sunflowers (and most plants in general) turn to face the sun.  Diggy is a good enough sport to be the butt of one of BIP’s lame sight gags as the trumpeter follows him around the villa.  Olivia returns from the sunflowers.  She and Cassandra blot out Shuhanna’s sun by informing her that Robby is a cad.

Joe is back to wielding his giant emotional racquet and swatting Kendall’s sentiments back at her.  And now he’s being pedantic with her choice of singular and plural pronouns.  Really selling it, isn’t he?  Joe seems distressed that Kendall isn’t doing an Anneliese and living in his pocket but an easygoing fella like him should find that relief.  He doesn’t.  All that time spent and he knocks it on the head.  Odd.  That’s one power couple gone.  CH’s collar just shrank a bit.

It’s the most undramatic RC IN BACHELOR IN PARADISE HISTORY.  Olivia chooses John and his wilted sunflowers.  Diggy must endure one more trumpet gag with the player clearly miming.  Codependent Queen Anneliese delivers the Gettysburg Address to Kamil who has no clue what she’s saying but nods along dutifully.

The next day CH chooses to drive stakes into the ice to build his fishing hut and snag some proposals via fantasy suites visits.  Problem is, the ice is thin and the players are nervous wrecks and not so far gone that they don’t realize that the play-acting demanded of them thus far has real-world consequences.  And so they are splitting up left and right in very clinical fashion.  Kamil gives Anneliese the fright of her life by pausing dramatically before responding to her 39th request for validation in the last 15 minutes.  Unfortunately for us he plays along again and Anneliese is positively gloating…and probably tempting fate.  Chris & Krystal are still wittering on about ‘the next level’ which sounds like it involves splicing their genes together.  The goose & the gander combined, as it were.

Suddenly, Kevin has lost his ever-Canuckian mind.  We may never know if he got to down his eight-egg omelet but if he did the overdose of bell pepper may be having a psychotropic effect.  He’s foaming slightly at the corners of the mouth.  Astrid’s emotional radar is a finely tuned apparatus which is why she’s been able to accurately suss out other couples’ ups and downs, usually before they happen.  But now her alarms are clanging as Kevin’s body language tells the tale before he does.  She’s also, regrettably, a proponent of the dreaded ‘What’s wrong?' query.  Kevin really pumps her confidence up with sad tales of his ill-fated fantasy suite adventures and hangs the ‘something’s missing’ Sword of Damocles squarely over her finely-featured noggin.  He’s at 80% emotional commitment but a full 100% cowardice quotient.  Astrid, understandably, is irate.  Kevin, not understandably, is blubbering like a fool.

As vehicles and Bippers flee the scene faster than Hurricane Florence evacuees, CH’s trachea is constricting a bit more.  He’s down to three couples.  He thinks.  He gives them a fantasy suite pep talk and there’s a touch of panic in his ‘See all of you – hopefully - tomorrow.’

I’ve only got my VLC player running at 1.5x playback speed but I have to double-check when Krystal is speaking that I haven’t got it set to 3x speed.  She talksveryquicklyinbursts.  Kamil digs in further.  Paste your Polish sausage joke here.  Jordan has trimmed the unruly whiskers and is attempting to tame the unruly Jenna by dropping the L word.  Her reaction is strange to say the least but she finally arrives at reciprocating.  The triumphant over-the-top music blares, cymbals crash and fireworks explode for those who still haven’t gotten the metaphorical memo.

The next day looks to be a proper assembly line of will they/won’t they.  Imagine stewing in a green room waiting for your close-up during that long hot day.

The in-studio portion of the finale will feature multiple tear-ups that don’t necessarily require clever editing.  It will also, inevitably, feature the crashing bore known as Bibiana sticking her oar in.

Edited September 11, 2018 by Rainsong

[leighdear]

1 hour ago, backformore said:

Funny, yeah.  But I kept thinking that they took two perfectly good, new stuffed animals and wrecked them by dragging them through the sand.   This, added to the previously wrecked stuffed animals, made me sad.   Why the hell do they have so many stuffed animals in Paradise anyway?  

 

I like to think that production found the animals in a 2nd hand shop in L.A.  They hit a spa on Rodeo Drive for a clean up, went on an exciting plane ride, and then to a pretty Mexican beach for an amazing vacation.  They all got to be on TV, then after "swimming" in the surf, they got a nice warm, soapy bath and a blow-out.  Back home in L.A., they probably got taken straight back to Chris Harrison's house, to live in the lap of luxury.  They go visit Wells & his TV star girlfriend Sarah Hyland on weekends.  

I like to think things like that. 

[Mabinogia]

26 minutes ago, Mu Shu said:

I’m not sure what Kendalls game is.  She’s getting a shitty edit and reamed on Instagram.

I think she overplayed her hand. She came out of Bachelor with pretty good fan reaction. She wasn't everyone's cup of tea, but I didn't see a lot of hate sent her way. The vibe was good to indifferent. But I think she bought into her own hype as the "all knowing" "quirky" girl and it has now bit her in the ass. I just wonder why she stuck with Joe. He was a fan favorite going into this. Had she played the same game with someone like Chris I don't think she would be quite as hated, but she toyed with America's Sweetheart and is now a Bachelor Villian.

The most fascinating thing to me about Paradise is how it totally changes ones opinion of these morons. Kendall, Venmo John, to some extent (if you squint) came in with fairly good buzz. Krystal, to some extent Jordan came not not too popular. And look at them all now.

I think that if you had a good edit on the mother ship, DO NOT for any reason go on Paradise. It will destroy you!!!! If you had a bad edit on the mother ship, go on the Paradise Redemption Tour! Then we can rename it Villains in Paradise, and see who comes out alive. lol

[RosieRose221]

2 minutes ago, Mabinogia said:

I think she overplayed her hand. She came out of Bachelor with pretty good fan reaction. She wasn't everyone's cup of tea, but I didn't see a lot of hate sent her way. The vibe was good to indifferent. But I think she bought into her own hype as the "all knowing" "quirky" girl and it has now bit her in the ass. I just wonder why she stuck with Joe. He was a fan favorite going into this. Had she played the same game with someone like Chris I don't think she would be quite as hated, but she toyed with America's Sweetheart and is now a Bachelor Villian.

The most fascinating thing to me about Paradise is how it totally changes ones opinion of these morons. Kendall, Venmo John, to some extent (if you squint) came in with fairly good buzz. Krystal, to some extent Jordan came not not too popular. And look at them all now.

I think that if you had a good edit on the mother ship, DO NOT for any reason go on Paradise. It will destroy you!!!! If you had a bad edit on the mother ship, go on the Paradise Redemption Tour! Then we can rename it Villains in Paradise, and see who comes out alive. lol

I WOULD WATCH VILLAINS IN PARADISE! BRING BACK THAT MUSCLY LUNCH MEAT EATIN GUY - CRAP I FORGET HIS NAME - WHO HAD ROID-RAGE ALL THE TIME...

1 minute ago, RosieRose221 said:

I WOULD WATCH VILLAINS IN PARADISE! BRING BACK THAT MUSCLY LUNCH MEAT EATIN GUY - CRAP I FORGET HIS NAME - WHO HAD ROID-RAGE ALL THE TIME...

OOPS sorry about the caps didnt mean to yell...

[Mabinogia]

Just now, RosieRose221 said:

I WOULD WATCH VILLAINS IN PARADISE! BRING BACK THAT MUSCLY LUNCH MEAT EATIN GUY - CRAP I FORGET HIS NAME - WHO HAD ROID-RAGE ALL THE TIME...

I can't think of it either but I know who you mean. Load the "resort" up with protein powder and lunch meat and lets do this thing! (oh, shit, I did not mean to say that. What is happening to me? I'm...like...assimilating...like....it's like, so strange. I suddenly want to sit around and talk about my journey and like how much I want to get like married and have like babies and stuff. *twirls hair and moves black bar so I can pick sand out of my bikini*

[jette]

Chad Johnson

I'm slightly horrified that I remember his name.

Hope he's been doing legwork, because he was top heavy when last seen on BIP

[leighdear]

I loved Chad the Cad. 

Figures, right?  ;-)

[Irritable]

6 hours ago, JudyObscure said:

I hate myself for it, but I actually started to cry when Jordan and Jenna were declaring their love for each other.  I think Jenna is beautiful and sweet and I kind of love Jordan for agreeing with me and seeing those qualities in her.  I also love how his eyes shine when he talks about her -- so if he breaks up with her tonight, I'll be very upset.

Chris and Krystal are both sort of idiots, but they did have such awful childhoods, I think they're well suited and hope they don't hurt each other.

Kamil may just be the sort of vain, pretty boy who loves women for the reflection of himself in her eyes.  In which case Annaliese is the one.

I didn’t expect to care about Jenna and Jordan as a couple, but she brings out such a kindness and compassion in him when they are alone together that I couldn’t help myself.  I finally figured out who Jenna has reminded me of this entire season: Jessica Lange’s character in King Kong.  Dresses the same, hair flips and smiles and giggles the same, runs/walks on the beach with the same gait, not very bright but certainly sweet, and off-the-charts sexy.

 

i did not enjoy watching Joe get hurt. That sucked bad. Also did not like seeing Kevin and Astrid split.  I

I agree with the person above who said Astrid should have known it was a huge red flag that Kevin sees a therapist twice a week, but if she’s not familiar with such things she may not have realized that’s not the usual amount. I’m in favor of therapy, I kind of think everyone could benefit from it, but twice a week is A LOT. Once a week means a person is struggling hard as hell, twice means they are hanging on by a thread. He probably shouldn’t have gone to paradise based on that alone, but at the same time I know it took a lot for him to go out and try, so good for him in that regard. I know the urge and tendency is to withdraw and stay in our comfort zones, but getting out and taking a risk is actually the healthier thing, even though in this case it proved he still has quite a way to go. I think he was pursued pretty hard by the BiP producers to do this season because of the potential Ashley I. engagement drama, and I think he’s a bit of a people pleaser who might have caved to that pressure when others in a stronger mental place wouldn’t have. He ended up being broken down by all of it, and lost perspective that there was more than the two options of either get engaged or break up.  I hope they reconnected afterward and decided to try to continue things at a slower pace.  I hate to see genuine love get cast aside over obstacles that are mostly if not all in his head.

[thesupremediva1]

Well, for everyone who had Grocer Joe pegged as socially awkward, verbally stunted, or just plain dim, we can set the record straight: Joe is the guy who doesn't say much, but when he does speak, gems fall out. THAT is a man. THAT is husband material. Kendall has no business being within a 50-foot radius of such maturity. She attempted to project on him and he would not allow it. He shut down her false narrative. He then demanded she own her excuses and her feelings. Then he clearly expressed himself and backed it up with an action - walking away from her. ::slow golf clap::

I didn't think such a man would ever grace this trash-panda cage that is Paradise. No hysterics, no dramatics, nada. He stayed the course and then realized the buried treasure at the bottom of the sea was a mirage. Time to chart a better course. After the Leo debacle and kissing John, Kendall has nerve thinking she deserves Joe to even look at her again, much less give her another chance.

ABC, you REALLY screwed the pooch here. Joe would have been an OVERWHELMINGLY popular choice for Bachelor after this arc, but no, you had to shoot your wad early and shove Colton down our throats. No thank you. I'm pushing for Joe. This season, next season, whenever I can see more of him.

If he's announced on DWTS tomorrow, well, all is forgiven and I'll be one happy girl who votes for him each week. 

The Astrid and Kevin thing literally came out of nowhere. Kevin needs to call his therapist. Astrid... seems way too well-adjusted for everyone, except maybe Joe. She was a queen in all of that. I've never seen such calm and graceful exits in Paradise. 

I want Jenna and Jordan to get married. This season made me a Jordan fan. He is so clearly giddy for her and over-the-moon in love, it makes me all right reasons. Weird.

Krystal and Chris must have bonded over their traumatic family messes, and for that, I root for them to find happiness with each other. It's not easy to explain that stuff to someone who hasn't lived it.

God help me, I am rooting SO HARD for Annalise to get a happy ending. I have a feeling I'll be disappointed, but a 30-something can dream that the fairy tale is still possible, right?

[JenE4]

1 hour ago, RosieRose221 said:

I WOULD WATCH VILLAINS IN PARADISE! BRING BACK THAT MUSCLY LUNCH MEAT EATIN GUY - CRAP I FORGET HIS NAME - WHO HAD ROID-RAGE ALL THE TIME...

OOPS sorry about the caps didnt mean to yell...

Chad—and don’t forget his sidekick, Daniel. I would love that. Bring back Chris Bukowski, Kalon, Wes the “Love, it don’t come eeeeaaaaasssyyy” singing guy, the wrestler guy on Ali’s season who was There for the Wrong Reasons and hobbled through the garden in a cast to escape, the Trampoline park owner who eviscerated Ashley (as in JP and Ashley), Ed the alcoholic womanizer who broke Jillian’s heart, the guy who voted “keep” in Bachelor Pad, “Love and Protect Your Heart” Kasey, etc. And for the girls, Vienna, Courtney, Kelsey, Rosalyn (the one who ran off with a crew member)... Of course, most of these people are probably pushing 40 by now, which means they’d need to be pried out of the geriatric home—or just hold the show in an assisted living facility instead of in Paradise. But I would totally watch an old school villains redemption show. 

Edited September 11, 2018 by JenE4
Remembered a couple names

[phlebas]

I still have a soft spot for Kendall and the ABC editors aren't going to make it go away.  And if you remind me the ABC editors put it there in the first place in Arie's season, I'm going to pull the drawstrings taut on my hoodie and sob until you hush and wander off!

Anyhow, it seems like Kendall got lost in her own head. I don't know what sort of bad luck or emotional trauma she's had in the past -- I assume there is something to make appearing on a show like this even palatable -- but she was suddenly faced with a real-life situation with Joe and hadn't yet prepared herself for it. So she dithered and stalled and cast about and equivocated, all of which read as "no" from the outside.

Her reaction after he left made me think she didn't get the outcome she hoped for, even if she couldn't have articulated what she DID want.  We saw the encore of this same production a few minutes later with Kevin and Astrid. In Kendall's case, I think she wanted... stasis? Like love to her is a series of platforms where you stand unmoving until you feel safe to climb to the next one. But with Joe, it's a ramp where every step brings you higher.

WTF Kevin was thinking is a mystery. His plaintive "don't leave me like this!" as Astrid walked off was one of the most pathetic things I've ever heard. And I've read YA novels.

Anyway, it wouldn't surprise me if Kendall and Joe get back together once she incorporates this new paradigm.  I want them to be together and move to the house for sale across the street from me and come play board games and offer to dogsit when I have to leave town.  I'm a man of simple but specific needs.

[Mu Shu]

55 minutes ago, RosieRose221 said:

I WOULD WATCH VILLAINS IN PARADISE! BRING BACK THAT MUSCLY LUNCH MEAT EATIN GUY - CRAP I FORGET HIS NAME - WHO HAD ROID-RAGE ALL THE TIME...

OOPS sorry about the caps didnt mean to yell...

YES!  CHAD!

[Stan39]

1 hour ago, Mabinogia said:

I think she overplayed her hand. She came out of Bachelor with pretty good fan reaction. She wasn't everyone's cup of tea, but I didn't see a lot of hate sent her way. The vibe was good to indifferent. But I think she bought into her own hype as the "all knowing" "quirky" girl and it has now bit her in the ass. I just wonder why she stuck with Joe. He was a fan favorite going into this. Had she played the same game with someone like Chris I don't think she would be quite as hated, but she toyed with America's Sweetheart and is now a Bachelor Villian.

The most fascinating thing to me about Paradise is how it totally changes ones opinion of these morons. Kendall, Venmo John, to some extent (if you squint) came in with fairly good buzz. Krystal, to some extent Jordan came not not too popular. And look at them all now.

I think that if you had a good edit on the mother ship, DO NOT for any reason go on Paradise. It will destroy you!!!! If you had a bad edit on the mother ship, go on the Paradise Redemption Tour! Then we can rename it Villains in Paradise, and see who comes out alive. lol

I think you’re right about Kendall. She didn’t really connect with Arie romantically, but she stuck around as his good friend. And she was the one who got to tell off Krystal, so I think a lot of people saw her as the voice of reason. In reality, she’s basically just another Taylor. Someone who uses her education to look down on others and act superior. I never thought she was all that amazing before this (the taxidermy thing being a symbol of her depth and charm never made sense to me. And I always thought women promoted her as being attractive more than men because women found her attractive in a non-threatening way). Don’t follow her on social media, but I am curious to see what version of Kendall shows up at the reunion. 

[CindyBee]

20 minutes ago, thesupremediva1 said:

Krystal and Chris must have bonded over their traumatic family messes, and for that, I root for them to find happiness with each other. It's not easy to explain that stuff to someone who hasn't lived it.

I said last night while watching the show "what does Krystal see in Chris" but maybe there is something deeper with their relationship that we haven't been shown.  We all know these producers think that showing meaningful talk is a big no no.   So good luck to them.   But please no more feathers

[piewarmer]

Hm, I sat down to watch last night and BiP wasn't on - maybe pre-empted for sportsball?  It finally recorded a 1am showing.

[saber5055]

14 hours ago, chocolatine said:

Krystal is gorgeous, but even she can't pull off the ruffled yellow pants and blue cropped tube top combo she chose for the rose ceremony. That was a tragic ensemble.

I was going to comment that Krystal looked like she'd put on 15 lbs. when she appeared in that outfit, then decided it was rude and snarky of me. So I didn't.

[el diego]

God, Joe was great. Kendall is nowhere near his level of intelligence (or, at least, self-awareness). I think Joe laying it our for Kendall was the most true, real, aware thing I've ever heard on this show. Just truth after truth after truth. I kept nodding along with everything he was saying. Kendall was so lucky that Joe gave her the time of day. I bet in her head she is out of his league, but in the real world there is zero reason Joe should be interested in her.

But Joe's line in the car was really sad: "I guess I'll just miss her now." Jeepers.

That trumpeter with Diggy after John took away Olivia was fantastic. I'm pretty sure that Diggy wasn't actually crying and they gave him saline. I swear he was stifling a laugh in the car when the trumpeter was playing.

Edited September 11, 2018 by el diego

[saber5055]

4 hours ago, jumper sage said:

The sight of Chris with a blindfold and Krystal with the feather was..................NO, JUST NO!

I wonder if other couples passed on the feather/blindfold the PAs had for them or if Chris/Krystal was their first choice for such creepiness.

[Wandering Snark]

Moment of editing brilliance that just popped back into my mind... the little silhouette of a witch flying across the moon on Shu's date. That's the more funny style they used to employ before Corrine ruined Paradise. Now they struggle to be "real" talking about life long commitments and if you "aren't there yet" you MUST break up... TODAY!!

[Irritable]

Yes! I loved the witch flying in front of the moon, too.  I need those little moments of levity now that everything has gotten so life or death serious at the end.

Shushanna seems to me that her entire life all she had to do was be pretty and eeverything just magically went her way.  It’s hard for her to grasp that now, as an adult, men will require more from her than just sitting there to be gazed upon ... she’s going to have to make actual conversation, with substance. She will need to develop a personality, and more specifically, a likeable one. I’ll cross my fingers for her, but I’m not completely convinced she has much inside to build from.  She’s like a little 9 year old girl who points at a boy and says, “He’s going to be my boyfriend!”, and stands still (except for occasionally digging in her ears or nostrils) while she waits for the boy to walk over in a trance state, with heart eyes.

i found the perfect example of the Jessica Lange comparison to Jenna! I hope I can get this to work, because it’s even more spot on that I had thought based on memory:

 

https://goo.gl/images/YR1U1r

[zoltana]

18 hours ago, adhoc said:

Joe IS the man.

He totally nailed it with Kendall. Damn. That was awesome. He called her on everything.

Yes!  So much this.  "Stop saying "we"."  Way to go Joe.  There is a woman out there for you.  She will love your down to earth, straight to the point personality without looking over her shoulder at the guy behind her.  Bye, Bye Kendall.

[Mahamid Frauded Me]

Poor Joe, if you are out there, the Piggly Wiggly by my house is hiring. I will totally let you bag me  my groceries.  Kendall, you are a moron. You may just get lucky enough to score a roll in an off off Broadway play of Psycho where you can play Norma.  Annaleise, so delusional. but at least you had a good solid week of boning a hottie, more than what I got going on.  Krystal, how I cringed for you on Ari's season and now you are just adorbs, well except for your ummmssss... I don't think I can watch the Bachelor with Colton, it will be like watching paint dry

[OldWiseOne]

8 hours ago, TheFinalRose said:

Pretty sure that the other missing 20% in Kevin's calculation of love was not wanting to pass up his chance to be the American Bachelor.

I think the other 20% is his mom's input and / or approval.

Kendall is such a beautiful woman, and the ugliest crier I have ever seen. So, so, unbelievably ugly.

Still hate Jordan and his ridiculous tough talk anytime someone talks to Jenna.

[adhoc]

Quote

Joe is the kind of guy you marry. If Kendall were 30, she'd be looking at Joe as husband material. But she's still looking for the Leos of this world. She wants hot, not dependably hot/semi hot. Looks fade.

Yep. You are right.  To me, she's at a different place in life from Joe.  I suspect it is about more than looks, though--I think Joe is just not exciting enough for Kendall.  Five years from now, the "how exciting/naughty/challenging is he" factor might not rate so high on Kendall's list of desirable qualities in a man.  But for now, I think it's important to her. Just my 2 cents.

[Dittohead]

Quote

I think he was pursued pretty hard by the BiP producers to do this season because of the potential Ashley I. engagement drama, and I think he’s a bit of a people pleaser who might have caved to that pressure when others in a stronger mental place wouldn’t have. He ended up being broken down by all of it

I agree with this and I think it's rather awful of the show when they exploit people's real pain in order to create drama.  They did the exact same thing to Colton by dragging Becca  onto the show just to mess with his emotions.  Shame on tptb.

Edited September 11, 2018 by Dittohead
misspelling

[Mu Shu]

1 hour ago, Mahamid Frauded Me said:

Poor Joe, if you are out there, the Piggly Wiggly by my house is hiring. I will totally let you bag me  my groceries.  Kendall, you are a moron. You may just get lucky enough to score a roll in an off off Broadway play of Psycho where you can play Norma.  Annaleise, so delusional. but at least you had a good solid week of boning a hottie, more than what I got going on.  Krystal, how I cringed for you on Ari's season and now you are just adorbs, well except for your ummmssss... I don't think I can watch the Bachelor with Colton, it will be like watching paint dry

No Publix?

You poor kid.  

[Mswldflwr]

Word is Kendall has been to Chicago and has spent time with Joe.  I've got to wonder at what point he knew he was going to be on DWTS.  Could that be her motive, so that now she can sit ringside while he's dancing?  I thought for a while he was just being a rug and letting her walk all over him, but he's proven he's got her number.  Now that he's been truly introduced to the world, I sure hope he keeps himself open and finds somebody SO MUCH BETTER than that twit Kendall. 

[Mu Shu]

9 minutes ago, Mswldflwr said:

Word is Kendall has been to Chicago and has spent time with Joe.  I've got to wonder at what point he knew he was going to be on DWTS.  Could that be her motive, so that now she can sit ringside while he's dancing?  I thought for a while he was just being a rug and letting her walk all over him, but he's proven he's got her number.  Now that he's been truly introduced to the world, I sure hope he keeps himself open and finds somebody SO MUCH BETTER than that twit Kendall. 

I wouldn’t put much stock in that.  Probably a cover until DWTS and TB was announced.

good god, Chicago has to be crawling with eligible women.  It’s not like he lives in Weiner, AR.