JenE4

Because he’s a middle-aged man, he’s not allowed to feel emotions and he’s expected to sit there and allow Stassi to scream at him? They’re both “old enough” to learn how to have productive communication skills. Stassi isn’t 22 anymore, herself.

Just to play Devil’s advocate... We’re giving Stassi a pass on acting irrational every time it’s late and she’s drunk. Why doesn’t Beau also get a pass for drunkenly crying and saying he feels battered? The next day he apologized just like she did. And unless I missed him saying something egregious while sober, they both seem to acknowledge they have an issue with this drinking thing—specifically during the hours of 1:00-5:00 am. That’s the part they need to focus on—plan while sober how are we going to avoid this in the future? What can each of them do differently? However, he did choose that stupid, wooden bowtie while sober, so one point against Beau right there.

Schwartz is getting my endorsement for favorite SURver of the episode. That was really cute when he was holding the champagne glasses up in bed surrounded by chips and said, “Romance!” I also liked how he played the part of a Brooklyn mobster for his role as bar owner. He did something else that I thought was funny/cute, but now it’s escaping me. Why are Billie and Raquel both still trying to make themselves happen? In what world do adults actively berate people into trying to be their friends? Puppy parties aren’t a thing. And Puff Daddy* called...he wants his white party back. *That party concept is so old, we need to go back at least a half dozen iterations of names. Please, I’m going to start the SUR Ice Cream Social. How about a hootenanny? The Sunday Night Sadie Hawkins Dance?

Ariana is the only one of the bunch who’s a “happy drunk.” Whereas everyone else is in need of an exorcism when drinking, Ariana finally lightens up! She’s funny when she’s not taking comedy so seriously! I thought Sandoval was so sweet to her when she was doing “hallway angels”: “Get in here before the Cute Police come get you.” And Schwartz was so enamoured (jealous?) saying how cute Ariana is when drunk—as opposed to the devil spawn Katie becomes.

Have the Taco Bell delivered to the SUR alley. Then if no one’s fighting back there, walk around the corner to TomTom and get one of those “chickpea foam” drinks.

Did the texts beg for her to give him a chance, or where they generic checking in, let’s talk...for closure in his mind, but Kaci read into it that he wanted to get back together with her?

Out of all of the unbelievable things that ever happened on this show, I can’t get past the fact that they had that big-ass house when they got married and were like 25...or 26 if they were engaged for a year! Come on! I live in NJ, and a small house is damn expensive—with high taxes to boot. No one is getting a freaking mansion in freaking Alpine as a “starter home” in their 20s. If we’re supposed to look at this show through the lens of Randal being “a lot,” then kudos, show, you got me on the house purchase...even though that wasn’t exactly a plot point. Otherwise, I don’t think the show was strictly anti-Randal. Passive-aggressive Beth is as much of a blame here. I mean, young Randal “asked around” and found out Beth was a dancer and she immediately shot him down that he had bad intel. Suddenly we’re supposed to believe he kept her locked down from dancing all of these years?!? He obviously supported that part of her from day 1—and she’s the one who said she’s not a dancer. Plus, Beth wasn’t exactly “barefoot and pregnant” chained to the kitchen. She was a “career woman” with a job she loved, and Randal was shown VERY MUCH being a “hands-on Dad,” despite his own high-profile career (insert his season 1 jingle about predicting the price of coooooooorn). I mean, the man cooked the whole freaking Thanksgiving dinner every year—and made a whole arena of super bowl foods! And, okay, maybe this is proving the point of him being “a lot,” but I wouldn’t mind kicking up my feet and letting my husband do all the housework and whatnot. But anyway, now that Beth is a part-time dance teacher and Randal is also currently unpaid until he is sworn in to a low-level, low-pay councilman position, how the hell can they still afford this mansion?!

There’s something to be said for this. Granted, if he 100% wanted out, he would have done so sooner. But I can see the thinking of how many times do I need to cheat and you still won’t let us break up? It seems like a lot of guilt that they’ve been together since college and she was there through his father’s tragic murder and they live together, etc. He definitely seemed trapped and didn’t want to hurt her—yet continually hurt her over and over again because he felt trapped. Self-fulfilling prophecy there. I don’t know whether Morgan is necessarily “the one” for him, but I can see why she was a breath of fresh air to someone who felt suffocated possibly his entire adult life. Contrast this with Javen and Shari who also were together since they were teens, went in acknowledging they had a co-dependent relationship, and instead both realized they’re better people individually and together to allow each other the freedom of building friendships beyond the relationship. These two relationships really bookended “the TI process.” Then you have the other two...I didn’t even say anything about Kady/John and Nicole/Karl because I don’t really think there’s much to say. I’m still not convinced there was any love between Nicole and Karl going in because they both seemed so indifferent to each other. John obviously loved Kady, but I think Kady was only with him because she was nearly 30 and didn’t want to start over (her words this episode) and only broke up when she thought things had a chance with Johnny. Now she’s probably regretting that trip to NY and leaving John behind...because “she’s 30,” not because she actually loves John.

No one would pick Scheana as a “favorite.”

I thought the wedding planner said $300K as a joke. Javen gave one of these looks 😲 so I don’t think they were spending anywhere close to that.

Mark Wahlberg is to Chris Harrison as Salem Jewelers is to Neil Lane. Congratulations to Javen and Shari. I’m glad they both grew from the experience, and it worked out for the best for them. I’m sure I’m not the only one shocked that Evan proposed to Morgan after knowing her for 6 months. That must have killed Kaci who spent 10 years badgering Evan for a proposal. But I’m also surprised that he actually “followed through” with Morgan. Good for them, I guess. Did anyone figure out what was the “thing” that Kaci was sobbing that she’d do now, and Evan was saying it’s too late?

The people calling Katie fat would be run out of the Love After Lockup board with pitchforks. That show has two women who actually are “fat” with lots of debate on which one of the two are “fat” or that neither are “fat,” etc. Katie would be considered “skinny” across most of the nation. It’s only debatable in terms of “Hollywood fat” next to all of these aspiring mactors.

I finally got around to watching and my 11-year-old came in and asked, “Is this ‘Trouble in Paradise’?” And, truly, that’s a far superior show name. I agree that Nicole came off as “weird.” She seemed entirely devoid of emotion and had serious walls up. If her issue with Karl is that they don’t have any deep conversations, then I am putting 90% of the blame on her for that. You can’t have a deep connection with someone who refuses to TALK about their thoughts and feelings. On the other hand, Karl was so cold when he was saying good-bye to Brittany, though—so he can obviously “turn off” emotions, too. I mean, I get that he panicked and realized if he wanted to stay with Nicole, he had to thank Brittany for her service as a temptress—and that’s truly how it came off to me that it was just a role for a show that was done now. Meanwhile he had been going along with her about how they’ve never had such a deep connection, etc. Somehow I zoned out during Nicole’s goodbye with whoever her guy is...so, nothing to add there. Out of this group, only Brittany comes out with my empathy. My On Demand recording cut off in the middle of Kady’s sentence, but I assume it’s To Be Continued anyway. I’m going to guess they both go home alone. I wonder whether the show will spring for an engagement ring for Javen—do they have Neil Lane or the like on retainer a la The Bachelor? But I think for sure they’ll leave the show “engaged” with or without a ring. Evan dumping Kaci will be epic. They might need a whole hour just for them! I am here for it. As, again in the Bachelor world, I’m Here for the Wrong Reasons.

If I could vote for 2, Tracie would have gotten my vote, but Lizzie was definitely worse. Tracie at least had the “excuse” of being on drugs when she stole the car, and she does seem to genuinely love Clint—or at least being his goddess. Lizzie leached Scott of every penny he owns and left when he had nothing left to give and obviously never loved him. (This is the same reason for why I voted Scott as the worst because he’s the most stupid. If you have to ask whether you’re a trick 3 times an episode, you’re just a trick! Clint was also stupid, but I think he has some mental disability and enabling parents; Scott seems like a functioning man who just fell for the biggest love scam.) But I can see why others voted for Michael because he was a cheater; I mean, personally, I think it’s pretty apparent he didn’t marry Sarah out of some great love and devotion but because he thought he had to for his parole, so he would fall lower on my list.

And a Matt S and a Matteo! Not only do they have doubles or triples (if you count 2 Joes and a Joey) of MULTIPLE names, but even the “different” names are similar: Daren, Devin, Dustin, Dylan. This is like my freshman year of college when the housing dept thought it would be funny to put a Jennifer in all 60 rooms on my floor of an all-girls dorm.