JenE4

Oh, man! I missed my favorite fight (well, close race between that and Jax’s chunky sweater thrown off into the parking lot). What was the exact quote? Something like: Sandoval: Go take a Beemer selfie, James! James: Well, at least I’m not thirty-FOUR! {brawl breaks out; Scheana screeches about her new teeth or foot or whatever body part was injured that season}

At first I was all OMG WHAT is Lala wearing?!? And then Raquel saunters in with her velvet bow and frilly romper and it dawned on me that they MUST be catching coffee on the way to the extra party. But, nope. This was just a regular afternoon out catching a cup of coffee!! Those outfits were more extra than anything worn to Sandoval’s extra party! I liked how all of the guys didn’t know what to wear. So they all just borrowed classic extra looks from Sandoval’s closet. Sandoval’s Beethoven look while snapping out the candles was better than the stilts look. I thought for sure Dawg’s funeral was just an excuse for a swanky pool party, but Schwartz was genuinely upset! Either that or he—and Sandoval with his sympathetic shoulder—are better mactors than I thought.

How does Angela get such an extremely large font size on her text messages? Between that and her SIM card trick, she could get a job down at Verizon if this therapy thing doesn’t work out for her. Oh, dear, happily ever after didn't last very long. Was it a prostitute, a bitch, or an Insta-ho? wait, Tony, a “Containment Expert” (aka convict) will help us through the Coronavirus lockdown. Sir, I shan’t take any advice from you. Look at your life. Look at your choices.

How drunk is Tommy right now?!

I am CACKLING that the 7-year-old voted for LA for Disneyland and beaches! Of course she voted to be by the Disney Princesses! Oh, Andrea’s tears dried up pretty quickly.

Does this mean the prostitutes, strippers, bitches, and insta-hos won Tony back after all?!? Say it ain’t so.

Angela needs to squish the mound of blankets to make sure there aren’t any prostitutes or strippers in there. Donna Faye’s basically like, did you check under the bed? Andrea: “it’s the Holy Ghost!!!” Tennison: “You said not to open the door to that.” Man, I am going to miss Tennison! I love this kid! Priscilla is going to be the tie-breaker! Is this big life decision really rest on a kindergartner?!

Jesus, Colton can’t stand up to pee with Coronavirus?! This man jumped a 7’ fence in one swoop! There’s no hope for the rest of us!

I think that’s why they were so aghast and took it as a personal affront! But I REALLY expected Sandoval to push the staff out of the way and start making those vodka drinks himself.

Sandoval came through with his top-of-the-line tampons! Did you see him with those umbrellas? He derives great joy in being a provider of these incidentals! Hooters and “Friends” in their wedding vows?!? They both mentioned this. This is literally the only two things they have in common?! Brittany looks gorgeous. I’m not a fan of the lingerie look wedding dress, but the fit is very flattering on her. I love the bridesmaids’ dresses! This one with the breathalyzer really thinks she has it all figured out with this cheating scenario. Talk about a bouquet of red flags—needing time blow the breathalyzer every 15 minutes while driving?! Jax says Carter could have been one person they could cut to save money...while Carter is talking to James’s friend?! Why’s he there?!? We haven’t seen that kid since the Not About the Pastagate. Are you really friends with Shep? I could have helped whittle down this budget—starting with slashing the extra 37 parties leading up to it. Oh, those other days don’t even count in this $100,000 wedding?! Well, these mactors did okay for themselves with this show! This is a weird-ass Flonase product-placement. I’ve been telling you for 2.5 years Claritin ain’t shit and Flonase is where it’s at, but your stubborn ass didn’t listen and look at you suffering now. Ken and Lisa brought that ratty dog to the wedding reception?! A Hooters after party? I take it back about the dog being déclassé. Who is this bald dude that Scheana is making out with?!? Giving Sandoval a B- or a C?! He got your vodka and tampons! He gave Memaw an umbrella so she didn’t die of heat stroke! Come on! Schwartz almost lost the rings and wasted 17 minutes on a speech that embarrassed you in front of Brittany’s relatives! This is not about the Pastor!

Last week’s episode was the rehearsal, so I thought this was the wedding, but nope, another party. Surely this next scene will be the wedding...nope, another party! After THIS commercial break! Another mother-f-ing party! This went on the whole episode! They had approx 35 pre-wedding parties, then, what, another 5-7 days of partying AT the wedding venue before the wedding ceremony! This is CRAZY!!!! I understand entertaining your guests for a destination wedding, but it’s like, dinner Friday night, wedding Saturday, going-away brunch on Sunday. How many days was this wedding celebration?!? It’s still not over, so these people might STILL be whooping it up in Kentucky for all we know! Sandoval has “top-of-the-line” tampons in case of emergency. I’m turning 46 next month, so it really caused a bit of an epiphany that what if I’ve been using medium-grade tampons all these years? I deserve the best entering into perimenopause! I’ve assumed Tampax are the best, but what if they’re not?! What’s the top-of-the-line tampon?!

I gave this way too much thought whether these two planned the overalls to show how detail-oriented they are to a cohesive theme, or whether they were like you have to change/no, YOU have to change...but they’re both so committed to overalls as their signature look, that neither would budge. If it’s not bad enough that Mama Clint has to hear Clint crying to her AFTER a fight and deal with the aftermath of another arrest, I was shocked and horrified that Clint called her DURING a fight and put her on speakerphone. What the hell?!? Then they “made up” but mom doesn’t hear that part. And you wonder why this poor woman is emotionally BROKEN having to see her son go through this dysfunction day after day! We need Barb Weber (overbearing mom of Bachelor Peter) to come give Alice some back-up! And what’s with the hitting himself in the head?!? Jeeeeesuuus!

You really need to watch the video. That sensationalistic headline isn’t anything close to what Peter answered in a barrage of questions as he was just trying to enter/leave the gym.

Have you seen Love Is Blind (also on Netflix) yet? It’s like the Bachelor, The Circle, and Married at First Sight rolled all into one. It was fantastic for both Right Reasons and Wrong Reasons watchers.

To be fair to Peter—which I really have no inclination to do—that clip does not show him trying to get his mom a TV gig. This “reporter” was stalking Peter as he entered AND left the gym and hit him with a barrage of rapid-fire questions, to which Peter tried to answer as neutrally as possible. One of the questions happened to be that fans were saying Barb would make for great TV and he just agreed with the statement.