Jill, Derick & the Kids: Moving On!!

[Jynnan tonnix]

 

4 hours ago, GeeGolly said:

I have fond memories of being careless and carefree, but I also have memories of my friend losing the skin off his chin from using a broken pogo stick, another friend having to learn to walk again after being hit by a car, getting off a school bus. before the stop signs and lights were on them, my brother stepping on a rusty nail barefoot and needing a tetanus shot, a friend's mother losing an eyeball in a car accident before seat belts, my brother's friend ending up with a TBI after wiping out on his motorcycle riding in a neighboring state, with no helmet laws. And tragically two local(ish) kids recently drowned when they fell through ice.

On the flip side, I was never in a car accident when my children were little, so a car seat never saved their lives, but I never took a chance and let them ride in a car unsecured.

I think there's a balance between allowing freedom, independence and exploration, and wrapping kids in bubble wrap. As parents know, accidents happen, but why not keep the odds in the kids' favor by explaining and discouraging dangerous behaviors?

Going to try to recreate my post and take it to the Prayer Closet...I had it written up just the way I wanted it, but lost the whole thing trying to move it over there without posting it here first. Mods, delete the misplaced post if you need to once it's done. 

As @Portia said, 

Quote

I have no idea what thread this is. 🙄

Anyway, I think it's all a matter of balance. 

To start with, let me apologize in advance for anyone who might find my thoughts too glib, since I am well aware that there is always the chance of a horrible accident coming as a result of things which most of us might see as innocuous. and we have already seen that there are cases even here in which these rare circumstances have, in fact, touched someone in their circle.

The thing is, though, that it has to be, on some level, a matter of balance. Freak accidents are always going to happen no matter what precautions are taken or how vigilant a caretaker may be. Minimizing them, of course, is always a good thing, and I am not speaking out against the reasonable sort of safety measures which save thousands upon thousands of kids from common, yet serious injury.  But there comes a point at which we spend more time trying to prevent bumps and bruises than we do letting kids learn though actually dealing with those things. At some point, one has to weigh the chances of something - even something potentially serious -  happening versus encasing a kid, for all intents and purposes, in bubble wrap. If the risk, over hundreds of thousands of people is almost never going to be more than a few stitches or a broken bone in the worst case. then what are we really accomplishing by trying to make sure those things never happen, especially since the vast majority of kids who get injured will actually never end up with more than a bruise or skinned knee? 

I know I'm probably going to be seen as a horrible mom by some, but having grown up as a very overprotected kid, I always felt I was doing my kids a favor, in a way, but letting them get their own bumps and bruises, and learn for themselves what not to do again. Or, alternatively, how do it better the next time they tried it.

[Suzn]

25 minutes ago, Jynnan tonnix said:

 

Going to try to recreate my post and take it to the Prayer Closet...I had it written up just the way I wanted it, but lost the whole thing trying to move it over there without posting it here first. Mods, delete the misplaced post if you need to once it's done. 

As @Portia said, 

Anyway, I think it's all a matter of balance. 

To start with, let me apologize in advance for anyone who might find my thoughts too glib, since I am well aware that there is always the chance of a horrible accident coming as a result of things which most of us might see as innocuous. and we have already seen that there are cases even here in which these rare circumstances have, in fact, touched someone in their circle.

The thing is, though, that it has to be, on some level, a matter of balance. Freak accidents are always going to happen no matter what precautions are taken or how vigilant a caretaker may be. Minimizing them, of course, is always a good thing, and I am not speaking out against the reasonable sort of safety measures which save thousands upon thousands of kids from common, yet serious injury.  But there comes a point at which we spend more time trying to prevent bumps and bruises than we do letting kids learn though actually dealing with those things. At some point, one has to weigh the chances of something - even something potentially serious -  happening versus encasing a kid, for all intents and purposes, in bubble wrap. If the risk, over hundreds of thousands of people is almost never going to be more than a few stitches or a broken bone in the worst case. then what are we really accomplishing by trying to make sure those things never happen, especially since the vast majority of kids who get injured will actually never end up with more than a bruise or skinned knee? 

I know I'm probably going to be seen as a horrible mom by some, but having grown up as a very overprotected kid, I always felt I was doing my kids a favor, in a way, but letting them get their own bumps and bruises, and learn for themselves what not to do again. Or, alternatively, how do it better the next time they tried it.

I agree about maintaining a balance between protecting kids from danger and allowing them to learn some things through consequences.  I think there is a huge over-emphasis in avoiding some very remote dangers.  This comes at a cost of time, energy and money, not to mention raising fearful children overly concerned with their safety.  On the other hand there are some dangers that are so obvious and easy to avoid, that require only some vigilance and action.  I'm thinking of Jill taking pictures of a child climbing using a wheeled toy - it's so obvious to put down the phone, go pick up the child and tell him not to climb like that.  For every one of those idiotic pictures, I can see that slipping, falling, a little face smashing against the edge of the counter and the scream of pain.

[McManda]

At risk of being off topic, I'm pretty sure you can walk into the bank and have them exchange common bIlls for $2 bills. Same for $1 coins and $0.50 coins. They're only rare because no one does not they're all real, legit currency.

I hope Jill let's Izzy and Sam keep their $2 bills. I'm not one for giving grifters gifts but I'll admit that's a pretty decent gift for a small kid.

[becca3891]

On 2/5/2020 at 12:13 PM, DangerousMinds said:

In 2020, how many other moms in the neighborhood are available during the day to drop in for coffee? This was the norm for my mom in the early 70s but these days most moms are working.

Statistics say about 30 percent of moms are stay-at-home, far fewer than in the 70s, but there are still plenty.

On 2/5/2020 at 1:19 PM, Zella said:

I don't doubt that's true for many homeschoolers, but I've also known quite a few who take a very Duggar-like approach of apathy to the whole thing. They don't co-op and the wife may work from home, but she seems to foist most of the day-to-day chores and homeschooling responsibilities off on the older kids, so she always seemed to magically have time for what she wanted to do but not what other people needed her to do. 

Oh, yes. I was a victim of apathetic homeschooling. My parents basically bought the textbooks and that was it. We also did all the housework. We were expected to have the maturity and ability to teach ourselves. Thankfully, we were naturally gifted or it would have been a disaster, but I still entered college basically knowing nothing about science.

[doodlebug]

13 hours ago, McManda said:

At risk of being off topic, I'm pretty sure you can walk into the bank and have them exchange common bIlls for $2 bills. Same for $1 coins and $0.50 coins. They're only rare because no one does not they're all real, legit currency.

I hope Jill let's Izzy and Sam keep their $2 bills. I'm not one for giving grifters gifts but I'll admit that's a pretty decent gift for a small kid.

I remember when $2 bills were first released.  Everyone snapped them up and saved them, leaving very few in circulation which is why they aren't seen too often.  I had one myself back then.  A lot of stores complained because there wasn't a slot for them in the cash register which made it a pain in the neck to take them.

I hope Izzy gets to go to the dollar store with his and pick out something for himself without interference from his parents.  When I was a kid, my dad used to give us our allowance, 50 cents a week, and then take us to the local store where we would buy candy or comic books with our money.  I still remember it fondly.

Edited February 7, 2020 by doodlebug

[Picture It. Sicily]

On 2/6/2020 at 12:23 PM, ginger90 said:

Considering she called it “happy mail”, I’m thinking she has gotten some crap, too.

Happy mail is a term I see a lot on YouTube from personalities with PO boxes. The ones I follow are crafters, so it's usually craft supplies or something their fan made to show appreciation for their videos. 

[JoanArc]

20 hours ago, Future Cat Lady said:

This is pure speculation, but I think that he was all for the Duggar lifestyle when he got married. He's the one who approached JB to be a prayer partner. I could see Derick somehow idolizing JB and the Duggar family at first. He's father was gone and he only had one sibling, But then reality hit. He found out what having kids was really like and that JB was taking money he thought he deserved.

I am not a Derreck fan at all, but I do think Cathy probably handled Mr. Dillards death wrong. She seems like a very mopey grumpy person, who is quick to explain how miserable she is and probably just told Derreck to pray about it and be miserable. So it’s no big surprise he has a lot of issues around his father. I think he would benefit a lot from counseling as well. He seems really really angry, or at least frustrated. Like frustrated with the fact that life seems to owe Him a lot but he can never cash in.  I wish he and Jill would have a joint session every week, and then individual sessions with a therapist. 

[hathorlive]

On 2/6/2020 at 3:18 PM, DangerousMinds said:

I have fond memories of careening down the hills in my neighborhood in roller skates (no helmet).

When I was five I took my mother's ten speed bike down a huge hill on a gravel road.  I have the scars to prove I was stupid.  No helmet, no permanent damage.  I think kid are too sheltered these days.  Parents hover over them to the point of stopping their growth. I learned to ride a big girl bike when my dad shoved me down a hill with no helmet into a tree.  My parents aren't horrible, they just felt experience was a good thing.  And yes, I still eat raw cookie dough AND raw brownie batter (batter needs to be chilled though, I'm not a heathen).

Jill is outside with her kids. They are exploring and yes, trespassing on a construction site.  And good for them.  They weren't driving the back hoe, they were playing in the dirt.  Jill can't grow without trying things and she has no barometer for what's normal and what's not.  Her family let kids raise kids with no supervision.  How else do you learn if you don't see your parents show concern and restraint?

[Growsonwalls]

One thing I don't get about homeschooling is why there isn't a pooling of resources among the homeschooling community. Arkansas has a lot of religious homeschoolers. Why not set up a small school of sorts where parents can agree about the curriculum and material taught? It seems as if homeschooling mothers are often just left to fend for themselves. And someone like Jill really doesn't have it in her to either impart the knowledge necessary OR provide the kind of emotional support for Izzy and Sam as they grow older. So it seems a small, religious school is the much better option.

[Sew Sumi]

If they insist on continuing to homeschool the boys, Jill will have to hook up with a co-op. Although I don't know what she would be able to contribute to it.

[awaken]

44 minutes ago, Growsonwalls said:

One thing I don't get about homeschooling is why there isn't a pooling of resources among the homeschooling community. Arkansas has a lot of religious homeschoolers. Why not set up a small school of sorts where parents can agree about the curriculum and material taught? I

They do. It’s quite common to have co-ops and joint activities and classes. Jill and the Duggars just don’t seem to take advantage of them that we’ve seen. 

[hathorlive]

16 minutes ago, Sew Sumi said:

If they insist on continuing to homeschool the boys, Jill will have to hook up with a co-op. Although I don't know what she would be able to contribute to it.

She could teach music to the kids.  I don't know what her teaching abilities are but that's a valuable skill.

[Sew Sumi]

1 minute ago, hathorlive said:

She could teach music to the kids.  I don't know what her teaching abilities are but that's a valuable skill.

That's right. I totally forgot about music. She even has a piano.

[Zella]

1 hour ago, Growsonwalls said:

One thing I don't get about homeschooling is why there isn't a pooling of resources among the homeschooling community. Arkansas has a lot of religious homeschoolers. Why not set up a small school of sorts where parents can agree about the curriculum and material taught? It seems as if homeschooling mothers are often just left to fend for themselves. And someone like Jill really doesn't have it in her to either impart the knowledge necessary OR provide the kind of emotional support for Izzy and Sam as they grow older. So it seems a small, religious school is the much better option.

If they wanted to do that, there are no shortage of those options in Arkansas, especially in the NWA metro area, or anywhere else really. The people who don't do it as a general rule aren't participating because they don't want to for whatever reason (philosophical disagreements with other coop members over the direction of the classes, personality clashes, schedule conflicts, suspicion of anyone challenging "their" authority over their child), not because they don't have that option available to them. Even my substantially more rural Arkansas community has coop options for homeschoolers who want them. 

TBH, despite what Jill says about Izzy already graduating kindergarten, he's probably still a bit young for a homeschool coop, but I am sure if they were in the market, they could find a group for their age range. 

Edited February 8, 2020 by Zella

[hathorlive]

20 minutes ago, Sew Sumi said:

That's right. I totally forgot about music. She even has a piano.

She also has the harp.  I got thrown of out piano lessons in 4th grade, so I have no clue if she's any good, but surely she could take the kids to bang out a few chords on the piano and pluck on the harp a bit.

[Sew Sumi]

Derelict also has a trumpet, and I think there's a violin hanging on the wall.

[SMama]

2 hours ago, Sew Sumi said:

Although I don't know what she would be able to contribute to it.

Tiny banana bread squares?

[Dimi1]

11 hours ago, Growsonwalls said:

One thing I don't get about homeschooling is why there isn't a pooling of resources among the homeschooling community. Arkansas has a lot of religious homeschoolers. Why not set up a small school of sorts where parents can agree about the curriculum and material taught? It seems as if homeschooling mothers are often just left to fend for themselves. And someone like Jill really doesn't have it in her to either impart the knowledge necessary OR provide the kind of emotional support for Izzy and Sam as they grow older. So it seems a small, religious school is the much better option.

there are co-ops , that is where my kids went --2 days a week and then homeschooled the rest of the week (and they turned out great..my daughter has 2 degrees, my son is a known actor in Hollywood and he has a degree also...both think for themselves...as what we all learned the most was critical thinking skills and how to debate  (socrates anyone))..

 

[dariafan]

She’s outside with them , but if an accident were happening she wouldn’t try to stop it, she would just record it 

[Oldernowiser]

There is one other major consideration these days...the out of pocket cost of kids getting injured. Back when I was a kid, going to the ER wasn’t going to cost my parents a month’s paycheck just for the deductible.

If parents are being more protective now, they have legitimate financial reasons on top of the obvious emotional ones, like not wanting to see their child in pain.

If Sam does slip backward climbing on that toy truck and comes down on his upper jaw hard, they could be looking at reconstructive surgery. Given how much Derrick bitched about their medical bills, you think they’d be a little more intelligent about avoiding the obvious risks.

Edited February 8, 2020 by Oldernowiser

[SMama]

7 hours ago, Oldernowiser said:

Given how much Derrick bitched about their medical bills, you think they’d be a little more intelligent about avoiding the obvious risks.

Jill doesn’t have the brains to find Waldo, there is no way she’d be able to see and avoid obvious risks. If one of the kids gets hurt, Jill will emulate her godly mother, take out her phone and film the bloody mess.

Edited February 9, 2020 by SMama

[JoanArc]

 How old do the kids have to be for Cub Scouts? I mean Derreck was an Eagle Scout and his brother was heavily involved in Boy Scouts so I can’t imagine him wanting to pass up the opportunity for both his sons. Maybe Joe could network a little through the parents in that group.

[GeeGolly]

2 minutes ago, JoanArc said:

 How old do the kids have to be for Cub Scouts? I mean Derreck was an Eagle Scout and his brother was heavily involved in Boy Scouts so I can’t imagine him wanting to pass up the opportunity for both his sons. Maybe Joe could network a little through the parents in that group.

They allow the LGBTQ community to participate now. That's why the brother quit.

[JoanArc]

4 minutes ago, GeeGolly said:

They allow the LGBTQ community to participate now. That's why the brother quit.

 Oh, I thought it was because he was getting older and married. 

 

 Still it might be rough for Derreck, but not Jill, to see the kids be denied things like Cub Scouts, a normal school day, friends, etc.

Edited February 8, 2020 by JoanArc

[Temperance]

I'm not sure why Dan quit. Did he actually say it was about the LGBTQ community?

[Sew Sumi]

10 minutes ago, Temperance said:

I'm not sure why Dan quit. Did he actually say it was about the LGBTQ community?

The timing was certainly suspect. 

[Sew Sumi]

Someone explain this to me, please.

 

[JoanArc]

 I can’t even.

[realityfan26]

There is no explanation. Even the #teachemyoung doesn't apply since Sam can't see around Jill's back.

Edited February 9, 2020 by realityfan26

[CalicoKitty]

My thought was that he was being punished, and is too big for the burrito wrap.

[realityfan26]

1 minute ago, CalicoKitty said:

My thought was that he was being punished, and is too big for the burrito wrap.

It does look that way. Why can't Derrick wear Sam while Jill is cooking? Cleaning?

[QuinnInND]

Those are for hiking with kids or something. I have no idea why Sam would be in that. And Dillweed should be doing dishes or something. 

How old is Izzy again? I think first grade is when they can start Cub Scouts. Tiger Cubs I believe. My son is in Cub Scouts, and really enjoys it. My husband is the Cubmaster for the pack. Izzy would have fun and get to be with other boys his age. Won't happen, but one can dream. 

[farmgal4]

32 minutes ago, Sew Sumi said:

Someone explain this to me, please.

 

He stays out of trouble that way? 🤷🏼‍♀️

[Twopper]

I need some help with this.  I don't always watch the show, and I don't follow them on social media so would someone give me an explanation of why they are estranged from the rest of their tribe.  I do know that they were jettisoned from the show due to something Derrick tweeted about someone (Jazz Jennings, perhaps), but I am missing why that would keep them from being friendly with the fam unless JB is opposed to Derrick going to law school.

[BetyBee]

It does look like a punishment for Sam. But it makes me feel sad for Jill. I think she's keeping her boys baby-like.

[NotthebadVictoria]

54 minutes ago, Sew Sumi said:

Someone explain this to me, please.

 

Some days when my tot was super clingy and just wanted to be held I would wear her like this and she was happy. I can’t snark her for baby wearing, kiddos who love being carried are happy and mom has free hands to get things done. Maybe that’s the reason she’s wearing him, although Dreck could have done some dishes so she could hold him (if that’s why she was wearing him)

Edited February 9, 2020 by NotthebadVictoria
Sp

[BigBingerBro]

Well, Israel has graduated Kindergarten, so perhaps he can start at Bobcat?

CUB SCOUT RANKS

Lion Cub - Kindergarten
Bobcat
Tiger - 1st Grade
Wolf - 2nd Grade
Bear - 3rd Grade
Webelos - 4th and 5th Grade
Arrow of Light

[Kbo]

1 hour ago, Sew Sumi said:

Someone explain this to me, please.

 

#womanswork?  Screw you, Dillweed.  Makes my blood boil. I really can’t stand him. 

[realityfan26]

3 minutes ago, Kbo said:

#womanswork?  Screw you, Dillweed.  Makes my blood boil. I really can’t stand him. 

How did I miss that hashtag???? Awful!

[hathorlive]

2 minutes ago, realityfan26 said:

How did I miss that hashtag???? Awful!

I think that's Derreck poking fun at the Duggars and us, knowing that it will cause a fury on the internets.

[absnow54]

1 hour ago, NotthebadVictoria said:

Some days when my tot was super clingy and just wanted to be held I would wear her like this and she was happy. I can’t snark her for baby wearing, kiddos who love being carried are happy and mom has free hands to get things done. Maybe that’s the reason she’s wearing him, although Dreck could have done some dishes so she could hold him (if that’s why she was wearing him)

Agreed. Sometimes toddlers only want one parent and there’s no appeasing them otherwise. Baby wearing is a good way to give them what they need while still getting work done. We use this type of carrier around the house and for short day trips to the aquarium or zoo. We’ve got a structured carrier with a metal frame for hiking. This one doesn’t distribute weight as well and aren’t super breathable, so you both get very sweaty after too much time. 

[Growsonwalls]

Uh could it be a reference to the Kate Bush song?

Derick had a secular enough upbringing that it isn't out of the realm of possibility that he's listened to Kate Bush before. 

Also #womanswork isn't something fundies usually use as hashtag. If he wrote #sweetwifeworking or something then that's very fundie. If you look up the #womanswork hashtage on Instagram it's used as an empowering hashtag.

https://www.instagram.com/explore/tags/womanswork/

[awaken]

2 hours ago, Sew Sumi said:

Someone explain this to me, please.

 

Totally normal way to keep your babies/toddlers happy while getting your stuff done. I used that same carrier for 8 years straight till it fell apart, to raise my 4 kids, cook, chase the others at the park, etc. humans have done it in various forms since the dawn of time. 

[fonfereksglen]

9 minutes ago, awaken said:

Totally normal way to keep your babies/toddlers happy while getting your stuff done. I used that same carrier for 8 years straight till it fell apart, to raise my 4 kids, cook, chase the others at the park, etc. humans have done it in various forms since the dawn of time. 

Sounds much more tactile and nurturing than simply dumping a child in a playpen. This discussion is interesting.

[irisheyes]

BSA is also letting girls join, so I can see Derrick not liking that. 

[3 is enough]

Maybe Sam was being extra clingy and only wanted Mom.  My granddaughter is 18 months old and my son and daughter-in-law still put her in a sling when she is cranky and clingy and they need to get stuff done. 
There are plenty of photos of Sam playing happily with Israel so I give her a pass and assume this is a fairly rare occurance.

[magpye29]

On 2/7/2020 at 11:15 PM, Sew Sumi said:

If they insist on continuing to homeschool the boys, Jill will have to hook up with a co-op. Although I don't know what she would be able to contribute to it.

Banana bread.  (Ooops!  Just saw SMama beat me to it!)

Edited February 9, 2020 by magpye29
SMama got there first.

[Temperance]

At 2 and 1/2 years old, Sam would seem a little old for being worn, but if Jill, Derick and Sam are okay with it, it's none of my business. 

[mynextmistake]

9 hours ago, Temperance said:

I'm not sure why Dan quit. Did he actually say it was about the LGBTQ community?

I don’t believe he ever made any public statements saying that was the case, no. The timing is suspect but people leave jobs all the time for all kinds of reasons. It could just have been a matter of him needing something with better pay and benefits once he had a family. 

[Quilt Fairy]

3 hours ago, irisheyes said:

BSA is also letting girls join, so I can see Derrick not liking that. 

I seem to remember that was the reason his brother left.