Sweet Fellowship: Duggars and Friends (aka the Bates Family and Other Featured Families Thread)

[BradandJanet]

15 minutes ago, Picture It. Sicily said:

She had to mention Wisconsin. Trying to shut up the speculation about him washing out of college. 

Well, she didn't mention college. You know she would if he were still in school. Jill is a liar, but maybe claiming he's in college would be a bridge too far even for her. 

[farmgal4]

2 hours ago, ginger90 said:

6 pictures:

 

 

Sofia is 5 (?) and constantly sucks her thumb or fingers.  Does she do that because she’s always hungry?

[Madtown]

Dear Timothy,

Get out of my beloved Wisconsin..

Thanks..

[Minivanessa]

8 hours ago, farmgal4 said:

Sofia is 5 (?) and constantly sucks her thumb or fingers.  Does she do that because she’s always hungry?

Thumb sucking doesn't mean the kid is hungry. It's a common habit among young children that for most people doesn't continue into adulthood.

[GeeGolly]

8 hours ago, farmgal4 said:

Sofia is 5 (?) and constantly sucks her thumb or fingers.  Does she do that because she’s always hungry?

How close in age is Sofia's younger sibling? Sometimes kids regress, or just need more oral stimulation/comfort. But kids in all kinds of families become thumb/finger suckers or use a pacifier long beyond when they should give it up.

[lianau]

16 hours ago, Sew Sumi said:

1. Jill

.

.

.

2-infinity. Everyone/thing else

Somewhere in there is Shrek and Plexus , then everyone/thing else

[Marshmallow Mollie]

I bumped on Anne Marie’s WEEKLY treatments. I think of chemo as being every three weeks.

[Fostersmom]

1 hour ago, Marshmallow Mollie said:

I bumped on Anne Marie’s WEEKLY treatments. I think of chemo as being every three weeks.

That totally depends on the cancer and the diagnosis. My ex BIL had sinus cancer and had chemo once a week and radiation 3 times a week. It was stage 4 when caught and an aggressive cancer, so he had an aggressive treatment. I'm not sure Anne Marie's treatments are going to be considered aggressive, or legitimate for that matter, but weekly isn't out of the ordinary by any means. 

[OpieTaylor]

I thought it was notable that Janessa was carried by her brother throughout the easter egg hunt video. If she's a "totally normal" 2 year old, she should be running around on her own. But maybe they thought she'd get run over by the other kids and not find any eggs.

And then in her birthday cake video, she couldn't blow the candles out - it didn't look like she even tried. Does she understand how to blow? 

[BradandJanet]

1 hour ago, OpieTaylor said:

I thought it was notable that Janessa was carried by her brother throughout the easter egg hunt video. If she's a "totally normal" 2 year old, she should be running around on her own. But maybe they thought she'd get run over by the other kids and not find any eggs.

And then in her birthday cake video, she couldn't blow the candles out - it didn't look like she even tried. Does she understand how to blow? 

What I noticed in the cake video was Janessa sat very quietly for a two year old, just staring at that cake and meekly looking up a couple of times for instructions or permission. I fear there's some blanket training going on. 

The egg hunt looked desperate for some of the older kids. One tic-tac in a plastic egg is worth a stampede in that house. Maybe some eggs contained smiley tracts though, the best gift of all. 

[charmed1]

On 4/13/2020 at 4:47 PM, ginger90 said:

Video:

 

Brand new furniture for a bathroom, but old scratched up mismatched furniture for the children’s room. And a brother-mom toting around a toddler on his hip while his mother films and screeches for likes on social media.

[Albanyguy]

5 hours ago, OpieTaylor said:

I thought it was notable that Janessa was carried by her brother throughout the easter egg hunt video. If she's a "totally normal" 2 year old, she should be running around on her own.

It's like the way Josie was constantly carried around by Michelle, or more often by one of the J'Slaves, until she was at least six or seven. I think it was partly because she was physically frail (even though they never admitted that) and partly because Michelle had a strong motive for keeping her in a state of perpetual babyhood. She was Michelle's "precious miracle baby", the little show pony she paraded around at Right to Life rallies. I think Jill sees Janessa as her own version of Josie.

[Portia]

What a lovely tradition, gathering Easter eggs in...Walmart bags? That broke my heart. Colorful straw baskets can be had for next to nothing at any dollar store.

[MargeGunderson]

54 minutes ago, Portia said:

What a lovely tradition, gathering Easter eggs in...Walmart bags? That broke my heart. Colorful straw baskets can be had for next to nothing at any dollar store.

Surely Jill has several baskets in the bathroom that could be repurposed just for a hour. 

Also, I’m shocked that they allow an Easter Egg hunt, that seems sacrilegious for someone of Jill’s persuasion.

Edited April 17, 2020 by MargeGunderson

[Tigregirl]

14 hours ago, Madtown said:

Dear Timothy,

Get out of my beloved Wisconsin..

Thanks..

As another Wisconsinite, I second that.

[charmed1]

The amazing thing is that even while they’re inside their home, she and her eldest daughters are wearing more makeup than a Snapchat filter.

 

 

[doodlebug]

On 4/15/2020 at 10:57 PM, louannems said:

I was thinking Anne Marie was seeking alternative treatment at Bastyr naturepathic medicine college.  But it's located in Kenmore, a suburb of Seattle.  Teri has said that where she's getting treatment is 45 minutes from her family, who live in Port Orchard.

Port Orchard would be about 45 minutes from Tacoma, which is an hour south of Kenmore.  So unless Bastyr has a Tacoma location, I doubt it's that.

Bastyr has a lot of grads spread throughout the Pacific Northwest.  Anna Marie could be seeing one of them located nearer her parents.

For those unfamiliar with Bastyr University, it is known for its programs in alternative medical practice.  There is a school of naturopathic medicine which is focused an natural therapies.  After graduating, there is an exam given by a national board of naturopaths.  If the candidate passes, this board issues a ‘license’ and the graduate can call themselves a licensed naturopathic physician.  This bears no resemblance to an actual license to practice medicine that a DO or MD would have but is meant to deceive and confuse patients into thinking that a naturopath has had the same rigorous training and testing as a real doctor.

[judyjudyjudy]

16 hours ago, MargeGunderson said:

Surely Jill has several baskets in the bathroom that could be repurposed just for a hour. 

Also, I’m shocked that they allow an Easter Egg hunt, that seems sacrilegious for someone of Jill’s persuasion.

And why do the Easter egg hunt in their cramped bedroom?  They were slamming into each other or furniture the whole time.

[fonfereksglen]

16 hours ago, Tigregirl said:

As another Wisconsinite, I second that.

Me 3!

[kokapetl]

18 hours ago, MargeGunderson said:

Surely Jill has several baskets in the bathroom that could be repurposed just for a hour. 

Also, I’m shocked that they allow an Easter Egg hunt, that seems sacrilegious for someone of Jill’s persuasion.

Jill must be hedging her bets regarding her fertility. Not with science, but any and all gods. 

[Nysha]

4 hours ago, doodlebug said:

If the candidate passes, this board issues a ‘license’ and the graduate can call themselves a licensed naturopathic physician.

Physician should be reserved for real doctors, not woo-woo nut cases. A woman who went to my old church went to a naturopathic doctor for breast cancer. By the time her husband convinced her to go to a real doctor  she had open sores on her breasts. She survived, but it was touch and go for a long time.

[marypat57]

When I was in the classroom, I used to have the kids make Easter/Spring baskets using recycled milk cartons.  I cut the tops off and washed them thoroughly.  I had the kids decorate a strip of construction paper cut to the size of the carton.  We used the half pint school milk cartons, but you could use larger juice/milk/drink cartons.  The children also colored a bunny face that in cut out of an old Manila folder or thin card stock.  If the child’s family did not celebrate Easter, I let them color a flower instead.  I stapled the paper, the bunny face and a cotton ball tail to the milk carton.  Then I added some “Easter” grass, and a bag of candy.  

Surely Jill had other things she could have used instead of plastic Wal Mart bags......

 

 

[Nysha]

3 minutes ago, marypat57 said:

Surely Jill had other things she could have used instead of plastic Wal Mart bags......

I doubt Jill even thought about using something else, especially not something she would have to put effort into making. I don't see her encouraging the kids to be creative, ever.

[lookeyloo]

6 hours ago, doodlebug said:

Bastyr has a lot of grads spread throughout the Pacific Northwest.  Anna Marie could be seeing one of them located nearer her parents.

For those unfamiliar with Bastyr University, it is known for its programs in alternative medical practice.  There is a school of naturopathic medicine which is focused an natural therapies.  After graduating, there is an exam given by a national board of naturopaths.  If the candidate passes, this board issues a ‘license’ and the graduate can call themselves a licensed naturopathic physician.  This bears no resemblance to an actual license to practice medicine that a DO or MD would have but is meant to deceive and confuse patients into thinking that a naturopath has had the same rigorous training and testing as a real doctor.

Wow that isn’t right. There are better trained naturopaths. She couldn’t pick one of those?

https://aanmc.org/news/difference-between-traditional-naturopath-and-licensed-naturopathic-doctor/

[DangerousMinds]

How is she paying for this “doctor?”

[Sew Sumi]

3 minutes ago, DangerousMinds said:

How is she paying for this “doctor?”

I'm assuming they have Samaritan insurance which may pay out if she's actually going the woo route.

[GeeGolly]

3 minutes ago, DangerousMinds said:

How is she paying for this “doctor?”

Well they should accept free range eggs and herbs.

[Absolom]

Hopefully she isn't going to Bastyr, but to Lifespring Cancer Center.  They at least use chemo there.

[Temperance]

On 4/16/2020 at 3:00 PM, OpieTaylor said:

I thought it was notable that Janessa was carried by her brother throughout the easter egg hunt video. If she's a "totally normal" 2 year old, she should be running around on her own. But maybe they thought she'd get run over by the other kids and not find any eggs.

And then in her birthday cake video, she couldn't blow the candles out - it didn't look like she even tried. Does she understand how to blow? 

Yeah, that's good to know. 

On 4/16/2020 at 4:15 PM, BradandJanet said:

What I noticed in the cake video was Janessa sat very quietly for a two year old, just staring at that cake and meekly looking up a couple of times for instructions or permission. I fear there's some blanket training going on. 

The egg hunt looked desperate for some of the older kids. One tic-tac in a plastic egg is worth a stampede in that house. Maybe some eggs contained smiley tracts though, the best gift of all. 

It reminds me of the blog post Chelsy Bontrager Maxwell did for Axton's first birthday.  

"The actual "cake smash" situation didn't go quite as planned. The sticky frosting was quite frustrating for him (see above, him trying to "fling" it off his fingers) and he wasn't even interested in getting to the actual cupcake. I guess the prior training to keep hands clean and not touch his food had been very successful! 😃 He loved dinner though, so even though the cake wasn't such a hit, it was okay!"

Given this is Chelsy, it says more about the Bontrager than the Maxwells. 

22 hours ago, Albanyguy said:

It's like the way Josie was constantly carried around by Michelle, or more often by one of the J'Slaves, until she was at least six or seven. I think it was partly because she was physically frail (even though they never admitted that) and partly because Michelle had a strong motive for keeping her in a state of perpetual babyhood. She was Michelle's "precious miracle baby", the little show pony she paraded around at Right to Life rallies. I think Jill sees Janessa as her own version of Josie.

Yes I agreee with this too. With Janessa, there's a bigger age gap between her and most of the other kids which makes her seem even more of a baby. 

[Nysha]

Have we ever seen a video of Janessa walking? We saw one of her crawling and there have been pictures of her standing, but I don't recall ever seeing her walking. 

However, since Jill is still nursing (not that there's anything wrong with that), the theory that she is keeping her a baby for as long as possible is probably the correct one.

[awaken]

1 hour ago, Temperance said:

I guess the prior training to keep hands clean and not touch his food had been very successful! 😃

That is so sad. Is this a one year old?  Being taught to keep their hands clean and not touch food?  That goes against everything eating is about developmentally for babies. And what kind of “training” did they do to make him so uncomfortable with cake frosting in his fingers. This really saddens me. 

[beagletime]

7 hours ago, judyjudyjudy said:

And why do the Easter egg hunt in their cramped bedroom?  They were slamming into each other or furniture the whole time.

That was very strange.  The children were excited and wanted to run around.

I don't understand why Jill doesn't help the girls redo the furniture in their room.  Give them some chalk paint in shades of cream and all that wooden furniture would look less heavy and used.  For people who are raising girls to take care of the home, they have a surprising lack of skills.  They could make pretty coverlets and curtains for their room.  Sell baked goods.  Re-style and tailor thrift store clothes.  They could have a youtube channel for homemaking skills. Pinterest has tons of ideas.  And for master builder David, there are lots of great designs for built in bunks.  Each girl would have a shelf and drawer for personal items. 

Why do I put so much though into this? 

Edited April 18, 2020 by beagletime
punctuation

[Nysha]

5 hours ago, beagletime said:

Why do I put so much though into this? 

Because you're an empathetic human being who has a hard time understanding why two seemingly functional adults refuse to do anything that would bring beauty and function into their sensory and socially deprived children?

[Totally]

On 4/17/2020 at 12:12 PM, Portia said:

What a lovely tradition, gathering Easter eggs in...Walmart bags? That broke my heart. Colorful straw baskets can be had for next to nothing at any dollar store.

A Plastic bowl from the cupboard would have been better some old plastic bags, if they weren’t going to shell out for baskets 

[Barb23]

On 4/14/2020 at 5:34 PM, zoomama said:

what about the baby rattle for a gift and a baby stuffed animal?

I guess that's better than last year. IIRC she got a pack of wipes & some other baby necessities for her 1st birthday. 

Edited April 18, 2020 by Barb23

[Churchhoney]

10 hours ago, beagletime said:

That was very strange.  The children were excited and wanted to run around.

I don't understand why Jill doesn't help the girls redo the furniture in their room.  Give them some chalk paint in shades of cream and all that wooden furniture would look less heavy and used.  For people who are raising girls to take care of the home, they have a surprising lack of skills.  They could make pretty coverlets and curtains for their room.  Sell baked goods.  Re-style and tailor thrift store clothes.  They could have a youtube channel for homemaking skills. Pinterest has tons of ideas.  And for master builder David, there are lots of great designs for built in bunks.  Each girl would have a shelf and drawer for personal items. 

That would be great.... But when we think of it, we're imagining children who are allowed by their parents to possess agency!

These children are raised by a mother who would never ever allow that. Jim Bob Duggar is another such a parent, as are others in this crew. With these people, I'd guess it's caused by this religion and/or cult combined with a certain personality type in the parent. 

Luckily, that's an entirely different world from the one most people know. Unluckily, it'll seriously cripple all these children for life -- and because it's so alien to most people, if one of them figures that out and tries to explain to someone who didn't experience it, that listener simply won't be able to get their mind around it fully. 

In that sense, the permanent isolation is total, unless they run into someone else who experienced the same thing and for whom the penny has also dropped. But the penny doesn't seem to drop for many people who are subjected to something this extreme. For most of them, their brains are probably going to be warped forever. 

Their upbringing goes against nature. When you look at a litter of young animals, you quickly start seeing them venturing out a little on their own, from the time they're quite young. It's natural and vital. It's how animals and people grow into the independent beings they need to be for a healthy life. In households like JillR's and Jim Bob's, no such venturing is allowed. At all. Even when the kids are teenagers and beyond. These situations are sick and deadly. 

Edited April 18, 2020 by Churchhoney

[BetyBee]

14 hours ago, marypat57 said:

When I was in the classroom, I used to have the kids make Easter/Spring baskets using recycled milk cartons.  I cut the tops off and washed them thoroughly.  I had the kids decorate a strip of construction paper cut to the size of the carton.  We used the half pint school milk cartons, but you could use larger juice/milk/drink cartons.  The children also colored a bunny face that in cut out of an old Manila folder or thin card stock.  If the child’s family did not celebrate Easter, I let them color a flower instead.  I stapled the paper, the bunny face and a cotton ball tail to the milk carton.  Then I added some “Easter” grass, and a bag of candy.  

Surely Jill had other things she could have used instead of plastic Wal Mart bags......

 

 

Jill's too busy "serving Jesus" to do a craft with her many blessings.

[Oldernowiser]

I wonder how often they have repeat gigs at any new church? If it were me sitting there watching those skinny brainwashed kids caterwauling away while fatboy pontificated and Jill preened her ego, I would be horrified. I sure wouldn’t want to see it again.

[BradandJanet]

Janessa in these videos looks slightly bewildered but mostly kind of blank. Two-year-olds are expressive and filled with wonder, so what's going on with her? Maybe she looks different in other videos, but I can't bear to go back to look at any of those singing events, even without the sound. 

Considering that egg scramble in the crowded bedroom was under one minute, grocery bags were probably appropriate. 

[Churchhoney]

3 hours ago, BradandJanet said:

Janessa in these videos looks slightly bewildered but mostly kind of blank. Two-year-olds are expressive and filled with wonder, so what's going on with her?

How many two-year-olds do we see who are raised in households like Jill's with mothers like Jill, though?! Luckily, not that many, I would guess......And that's going to have a big effect on the way she presents herself, just as it does on all the older kids, none of whom presents even slightly like a normal person of his or her age, as we see every single time we look at anybody in that family, from the youngest to the oldest.

Kids' brains are trying to help them survive whatever life and family situation they find themselves in -- and Janessa finds herself in one where her mother is an uber-controlling super-greedy attention whore who starves children, is most likely explosive and is certainly judgmental beyond belief.

Jill's very likely to conduct a constant nasty regime of random demands and inexplicable equally random punishments and rewards that keep the kids constantly on edge and fearful.....And she clearly does her utmost to turn all the kids into super-submissive Jill-mimicking puppets who talk strangely, think strangely, act strangely, dress strangely, and so on. That's visible every single time we see these kids.

I hadn't looked at the video until you wrote this, and when I did I was actually amazed that the kid was as smiley and relaxed as she appears to be there. She lives in a hell of Jill's making and her little growing brain is doing whatever it can to adapt to that in a way that ensures her survival in as good a shape as possible.......

Acting like your average two-year-old wouldn't cut it with that gimlet-eyed she-monster in charge of the household. Look at the rictus grins on the faces of the other kids in that photo where the boy is holding Janessa. They look many many miles from normal.....but they know way better than we do what are the demands of their hellhole of a home and they're performing to optimize their chances there.

Given the gestation and birth story we've heard -- which may or may not be close to the truth -- Janessa may or may not have some other issues going on. But whether that's true or not, seems to me she's clearly in a struggle for her own survival and is just dancing as fast as she can, in a way that's been shown to get her in the least difficulty possible. 

No way any of them is allowed to develop normally and naturally with Jill as their mother. 

Edited April 18, 2020 by Churchhoney

[BradandJanet]

10 minutes ago, Churchhoney said:

How many two-year-olds do we see who are raised in households like Jill's with mothers like Jill?! Luckily, not that many, I would guess......And that's going to have a big effect on the way she presents herself, just as it does on all the older kids, none of whom presents even slightly like a normal person of his or her age, as we see every single time we look at anybody in that family, from the youngest to the oldest.

Kids' brains are trying to help them survive whatever life and family situation they find themselves in -- and Janessa finds herself in one where her mother is an uber-controlling super-greedy attention whore who starves children, is most likely explosive and is certainly judgmental beyond belief.

Jill's very likely to conduct a constant nasty regime of random demands and inexplicable equally random punishments and rewards that keep the kids constantly on edge and fearful.....And she clearly does her utmost to turn all the kids into super-submissive Jill-mimicking puppets who talk strangely, think strangely, act strangely, dress strangely, and so on. That's visible every single time we see these kids.

I hadn't looked at the video until you wrote this, and when I did I was actually amazed that the kid was as smiley and relaxed as she appears to be there. She lives in a hell of Jill's making and her little growing brain is doing whatever it can to adapt to that in a way that ensures her survival in as good a shape as possible.......

Acting like your average two-year-old wouldn't cut it with that gimlet-eyed she-monster in charge of the household. Look at the rictus grins on the faces of the other kids in that photo where the boy is holding Janessa. They look many many miles from normal.....but they know way better than we do what are the demands of their hellhole of a home and they're performing to optimize their chances there.

Given the gestation and birth story we've heard -- which may or may not be close to the truth -- Janessa may or may not have some other issues going on. But whether that's true or not, seems to me she's clearly in a struggle for her own survival and is just dancing as fast as she can, in a way that's been shown to get her in the least difficulty possible. 

No way any of them is allowed to develop normally and naturally with Jill as their mother. 

And Janessa is the favorite right now, the miracle baby. 

You're absolutely right, CH. I grew up in a home with some of this kind of emotional chaos, although nothing like the Rod kids. I forgot how early a kid has to start dodging bullets to try to stay in one piece. None of these kids will ever be normal. 

[Churchhoney]

2 minutes ago, BradandJanet said:

And Janessa is the favorite right now, the miracle baby. 

You're absolutely right, CH. I grew up in a home with some of this kind of emotional chaos, although nothing like the Rod kids. I forgot how early a kid has to start dodging bullets to try to stay in one piece. None of these kids will ever be normal. 

I'm sorry you went through something similar. Good points about Janessa and very well put. ...Super sad for these kids....

[doodlebug]

20 hours ago, lookeyloo said:

Wow that isn’t right. There are better trained naturopaths. She couldn’t pick one of those?

https://aanmc.org/news/difference-between-traditional-naturopath-and-licensed-naturopathic-doctor/

Bastyr is a school for licensed naturopaths.  However, my point is that licensed naturopaths do not have nearly the amount of clinical training that MD's and DO's have.  To become an MD or DO requires roughly 40,000 hours of study while naturopaths need only a tenth of that, 4000 hours, to practice.  Then, traditional physicians go on an study in a residency program which lasts a minimum of 3 years and takes roughly 50,000 hours on average while the naturopath is free to go out and practice as soon as they graduate.

I misspoke when I said naturopaths don't need a state license to practice.   There are 4 states that license them, 46 that don't.  Washington state does not.

So, a naturopath has at best 90% less training than a medical oncologist who is a DO or MD.  No matter what advocates of naturopathy claim, they cannot possibly have the knowledge and abilities that a licensed, board certified MD or D/O has.

[Chicklet]

I know people who insist that "allopathic" physicians aren't nearly as good as naturopaths and that MD's are only after the money. Funny how the mostly inappropriate tests that one was ordering was wildly more expensive than the tests that the medical team was going to order. Yea none of the arguments make much sense. Hopefully she survives this cancer.

[Marshmallow Mollie]

Many moons ago I worked with children with special needs, including a child with a brain malformation (holoprosencephaly) and agenesis of the corpus callosum. I started working with him when he was four. He didn’t talk, crawl, or walk, but he knew his letters, shapes, colors, etc. He would point to get what he wanted. Unfortunately he started to have seizures that became more frequent and more intense, and he lost most of that. He and all the kids I worked with who didn’t talk threw some spectacular tantrums, as you can imagine it would be incredibly frustrating to not be able to fully communicate what you wanted. If Janessa has a communication delay and throws a tantrum, I can’t see Jill being compassionate about why the tantrum is happening.
 

When I see Janessa, something always seems off to me about how she uses her hands and arms, but I can’t articulate anything other than it seems off. I noticed she was holding the piece of cake with two hands. Probably totally normal. Maybe even good that she has the coordination to be able to do so. And yet, it seems off. 
 

I hope she is still under the care of a doctor. 

Edited April 18, 2020 by Marshmallow Mollie

[3 is enough]

19 hours ago, doodlebug said:

To become an MD or DO requires roughly 40,000 hours of study while naturopaths need only a tenth of that, 4000 hours, to practice.  Then, traditional physicians go on an study in a residency program which lasts a minimum of 3 years and takes roughly 50,000 hours on average while the naturopath is free to go out and practice as soon as they graduate.

And let's not forget that oncologists start out as internal medicine residents and then do a 2-3 year fellowship after residency.  So even more training is involved.

Edited April 19, 2020 by 3 is enough

[Oldernowiser]

2 hours ago, Churchhoney said:

that gimlet-eyed she-monster in charge of the household

Damn, Churchie...that is sheer poetry.

[Churchhoney]

57 minutes ago, Oldernowiser said:

Damn, Churchie...that is sheer poetry.

Poetry is the language of emotion! 😁

[LilJen]

On 4/12/2020 at 9:45 PM, Panopticon said:

Sorry to drag this up from last month but it's stuck in my head and now the rest of you can suffer too. Apologies to Gilbert and Sullivan.

*****

I was a featured speaker at a sanitary conference
During a pandemic such a meeting demonstrates good sense
The people hugged and cuddled and pinched the babies on the cheek
They traveled from around the state to be right there and hear me speak

I'm very well acquainted too with all matters medicinal
A virus wouldn’t spread itself where genders are traditional
The healthy can’t infect the rest; that’s not how the transmission works
And they can’t tell me otherwise, not Fauci nor those science jerks

(And they can’t tell her otherwise, not Fauci nor those science jerks
And they can’t tell her otherwise, not Fauci nor those science jerks
And they can’t tell her otherwise, not Fauci nor those science jerks)

I'm very good at chasing souls and decorating toilet seats
My children never get a sniff of all the food my husband eats
I impressed all who met me with my 1990s fashion sense
And became a featured speaker at a sanitary conference

(She impressed all who met her with her 1990s fashion sense
And became a featured speaker at a sanitary conference!)

My daughter Nurie hooked a man whose sister is a Duggar mate

God would not let that happen if he wanted us to isolate
We’ll have the biggest wedding that the fundie world will ever know
Because this is our greatest chance to get a television show

I can tell the story of my sister’s full paralysis
It is severe as you can see from just a brief analysis
I can show the evils of unmarrieds who know what sex is
And cure the ills of all the world with the miracle drug Plexus

(And cure the ills of all the world with the miracle drug Plexus
And cure the ills of all the world with the miracle drug Plexus
And cure the ills of all the world with the miracle drug Plexus!)

My husband David eyed me up when I was  twelve years old

He baptizes our children with a terrifying strong chokehold
Since none of this behavior makes me feel just a little tense
I became a featured speaker at a sanitary conference

(Since none of this behavior makes her feel just a little tense
She became a featured speaker at a sanitary conference)

When I can’t name my children once I get done with Nurie and Tim
When I say full sets of clothing are the only things to wear to swim
When I claim my children love to fast and simply do not want to eat
And when I grift a brand new car because I just deserve a treat

When I have called security because I saw hands being washed
When I’ve made sure all curiosity has been severely quashed
In short, when I have shared with you the wisdom that I can dispense
You'll see why I was speaker at the sanitary conference!

You'll see why I was speaker at the sanitary conference!
You'll see why I was speaker at the sanitary conference!
You'll see why I was speaker at the sanitary conference!

For my covid-19 knowledge, though I'm plucky and adventury
Has not yet been brought down to the beginning of the century;
But thanks to the severe wisdom that I alone can now  dispense
I was a featured speaker at a sanitary conference

(But thanks to the severe wisdom that Jill alone can now dispense
She was a featured speaker at a sanitary conference)

Brilliant. Gilbert and Sullivan, and Tom Lehrer, would be proud.

[galaxychaser]

Reusable plastic bag is better that a basket from the bathroom for candy. Each kid probably got a few pieces if that. Poor souls.