Season 6 Discussion

[Ellie Godfrey]

On 12/23/2018 at 11:48 PM, renatae said:

Besides which, I'm afraid that at this point, there is no way to get a whole lot stupider because they've all hit the extreme limit.

Kalani & Leida: "Hold my beer"

[ALittleShelfish]

1 hour ago, Godfrey said:

Kalani & Leida: "Hold my beer"

This entire SEASON has been one long game of "Hold my beer." 

[Chickabiddy]

I love how remorseful Jay seems now that he is caught and he sees that green card slipping away. Love Jay’s claim that at least he didn’t have sex...it was just a few messages...because he got his ass busted before he could seal the deal.  

And Eric never fails to disappoint. When he said he wanted to let the girls know how important......how important  it  was for the girls to support him on his wedding day. Silly me I thought he was going to say he wanted to let the girls know how important they were to him. When will I learn??! 🙄

I will say I  am fucking elated that Eric is no longer charged with providing for any aspect of our national defense because if his wedding day is just another mission for him - and he forgets his fucking pants - let’s just breathe a sigh of relief that we are all safer for the fact that Sergeant Stupid is back in civies. Jesus Jones, what a douche...

And it looks like the lion’s share of the flower budget went towards Eric’s ginormous boutonnière. 🙄

Leida seems a lot more in love with living in America than living with Eric as his wife. Can’t say that I blame her.  What a schlub. 

So, while  Olga seemed truly sad to say goodbye to Steven, she didn’t let that baby out of her arms for a hot second. It’s like some deep seated maternal instinct wasn’t going to give Steven the slightest chance to try and make a run for it with baby in tow. Good for her. 

And Colt and Debbie wearing matching pinks...and Colt wanting his mother to give HIM away?!?! You just can’t make this shit up.  Holy Hell...it’s like Colt is the blushing bride who really wants to marry his mom. And she has never seen him in a  suit?!?! He never had to wear one for a job interview...not one time?

And Cousin John wears the same attire for a wedding that he wears to a backyard  barbecue. Why am I not surprised? And why am I not surprised that he and wifey showed up for the wedding?  She is so thirsty for camera time. And John just wanted to rage watch and fantasize about giving Larissa the discipline he thinks she needs. What a sad little ragtag wedding and crew. Colt invited John just to antagonize Larissa. He really gets off on antagonizing her. And then he fucking called the police on her for a fight. A fight with no mention of someone laying hands on someone else. If he called the police on her for yelling and scramming, than he really is a feckless, useless sack of shit. He certainly had no problem with John’s raging temper tantrum. 

Klassy Kalani chomping on a wad of gum in her wedding dress and bright red lipstick right before the ceremony. 🙄

Truly, I just don’t understand the fashion choices and esthetic philosophy of any of these fucking people....because of course long, loose hair is the perfect choice for a wedding on the windy deck of the “Titanic.” 🙄

 I’ve done so much eye rolling tonight that they just may get stuck in the back of my head.

These people. These fucking  people....

[usernameG]

Eric seems more concerned about losing his pants than his kids.

I still can't get over Larissa wore a Goodwill dress but yet they had a limo pick her up.

[Floatingbison]

I'll probably be banned for this, but I don't think Leida looks all that bad wearing a baggy, button down shirt.

[Adeejay]

I can't help but wonder if it was true love or a guilty conscience that made Colt marry Larissa two days after she was released from jail.

After all the drama about the budget for flowers, I was very surprised to see Leida with that small bouquet.  I was worried that Tasha and the other sister would cave and show up for the wedding.  Glad that they didn't. 

I get the impression that Kalani finds Asuelu embarrassing.  

How magnanimous of Steven to leave "myson" with Olga.  His intent was to abscond with him, that's why he didn't file a K-1 visa for his mother.  My heart breaks for sweet, trusting Olga.

I hope Ashley cuts Jay loose and don't look back.  

Edited December 31, 2018 by Adeejay

[Toodleoo]

6 minutes ago, Chickabiddy said:

I will say I  am fucking elated that Eric is no longer charged with providing for any aspect of our national defense because if his wedding day is just another mission for him - and he forgets his fucking pants - let’s just breathe a sigh of relief that we are all safer for the fact that Sergeant Stupid is back in civies. 

 

Hahahhahaha amen.

[usernameG]

1 minute ago, Adeejay said:

I can't help but wonder if it was true love or a guilty conscience that made Colt marry Larissa two days after she was released from prison.

 

How about the fact she had to sit in jail for two days??? He was probably too cheap to bail her out.

[HorrrGoodnight]

It's not Jay's fault! All he did was make a tinder account but THEY messaged HIM! Ashley is giving me take him back vibes.

Proper Priority's makeup lookes so much better than that 'signature red' lip she usually has going on.

Colt Tea is a certified asshole. Yes call the cops on the 'fiery latina' in the current build-a-wall climate. 'You wanna calm down and come out?' Fuck you Colt.

[Adeejay]

5 minutes ago, usernameG said:

How about the fact she had to sit in jail for two days??? He was probably too cheap to bail her out.

From what I understand, if you are arrested over the weekend, you have to wait until Monday to go before a judge in order to make bail.  

[PityFree]

 If Ashley stays with Jay, she deserves every bit of misery she’s got coming. 

[DiamondGirl]

I wonder if Debbie has been feeding estrogen to Colt all these years.  He has a very..womanly..shape.  And she did never think he would get married.  

[liammaam]

Does Jay REALLLLLLLY want to call the cops to come get a black immigrant man with an accent out of a blonde white girl's apartment?  Probably not the best choice, ya feel?

19 minutes ago, SlutAssBitchAssHor said:

'You wanna calm down and come out?' Fuck you Colt.

That line made me want to throw something at the tv.  He's such a gaslighting piece of shit.

[juicyfruit]

2 hours ago, SlutAssBitchAssHor said:

It's not Jay's fault! All he did was make a tinder account but THEY messaged HIM! Ashley is giving me take him back vibes.

That statement by Jay made me literally LOL. And shake my head. And down the remaining 4 ounces of wine in my glass...

I was fully expecting Larissa to walk down the aisle in maybe a $250 off-the-rack number, but NEVER did I EVER expect a $30 Goodwill find (and hey, don't get me wrong - I am a huge fan or recycling and own many brand-name finds from Goodwill et. al.).  Coltee's pocketbook wins again. That made my entire night. 

I was surprised to see Kalani actually having "fun" at her wedding and willingly do the Samoan lawn mower with all the enthusiam she could muster.  Father Kalani's menacing post-wedding interview and Sister Kalani's mocking laugh at the end of her's helped me down my second glass of wine.

"Layda" was so excited to finally seal the deal on her American dream that when the minister pronounced her name this way, she did too when she repeated her vows.

I can't wait to watch Shaun Robinson lose control and look confused for the 54th season in a row at the reunion next week!!!!

Edited December 31, 2018 by juicyfruit
Misuse of the term "TH"

[sainte-chapelle]

I loved Larissa's dig when getting in the Limo "Ohhhh it even has air conditioner niceee"

[Frozendiva]

Colt may have married Larissa to get away from weird comments at work - lives with his mother, never moved out, no girlfriend, etc.  Maybe the coworkers or boss didn't want to attend the wedding and didn't want to be on TV. Don't know if Larissa's DV was something common for her or she got pushed around enough by Coltee and Debbie and snapped.  Don't see any true or other love with them - just a nice business transaction. Debbie does need to find her own home and life and not provide running commentary on Coltee's.  The police do have to respond to every call they get and maybe Larissa cooled off enough in jail. Maybe she will just stick it out and behave til the 2 years is up and then get her permanent residency or whatever and leave. Coltee will then normally get a divorcee. And he and Debbie can continue life as normal. I am single and would rather be single than have someone like Colt in my life. No thanks. Prefer my nice big bed and the remote.

Fernanda and Jonathan. Well, a starter marriage for her. She may luck out and they may grow up and mature together, or things will fall apart in 2-3 years. Once she gets a job or education and a career, she may not want the same things or be at the same place as her husband. Or maybe once her debt for her physical attributes are paid off, she will find someone more appropriate. Still so young and still so much change and life lies ahead for her.  She looked very pretty at the wedding and was dressed modestly and sophisticated enough. Maybe she and Jon make each other better for now, but the novelty will wear off as the marriage goes along with the good, the tedious, and the bad days. I don't know if there is any 'team' with them or they see each other as 'life partners'.

Olga, be very glad that Steven has gone back home to America. You have one child to look out for now, and not two. Find a friend, or your boss, or former boss, or someone you can talk to who can recommend someone in immigration to give you the facts about going to America and if that is what you want. Steven cannot afford to fly back and forth to visit your son and you. You now have a chance to rest, regroup and make some level-headed choices about your future. Steven has shown you who he is - maybe he can change, maybe he won't. Do you want that? Do you think life will be better in the US - even if he mentally and emotionally abuses you? And physically so? Make sure you have a support system in America - maybe it'll be Steven's grandparents - who WILL deal with him.

Kolini, stop being jealous of your sister's life. You are not her spouse. She can marry who she wants. Asuelu is not the smartest coconut in the bunch and he seems simple and loves fun and seeing the wonder of life, and living in the moment. With time, he will get a decent job and will work and may be a good spouse to your sister.  She will be treated well by him and maybe they may just make it. You could have been the killjoy who spoke up about the new baby, but it is not your place, so good on you for being mature for a few minutes. And Kalani, after this baby arrives, you do have a talk with your doctor about birth control. And enjoy dancing and having some fun with your husband.

Ashley, you saw the signs in Jay, and you still married him. Whether it is to be 'married' or live some fantasy. Women are messaging 'him' only? Seriously? This young man has no idea what marriage is all about. He can play around all he likes but you are his 'wife' whatever that means. A roof over his head, a nice bed to sleep in, food, video games.  He showed you exactly who he was and you still fell for it. He can tell you he is bored, you don't pay enough attention to him (you probably have a job to pay for your home and kids and food and stuff), that he has nothing to do and he is a black man in a predominantly white neighbourhood. Most people won't care, but some will. Especially if there are some fights going on. It is not right, it probably isn't true, but there may be unexpected events. Jay could have applied to a nearby college and then been a student - no push to get married. He is not a viable partner or husband to you - at least not right now. Divorce him, whatever, set him free and do some soul-searching as to why you always attract the same type of man/lesson to learn - now the third time.

Princess Leida and these are not the pants you are looking for - well, you done it, girl. He doesn't look so bad cleaned up. You hitched your wagon to the decrepit droid. You drove his family away to the point where they will have nothing to do with you, you couldn't care less about your son, but you now can stay in America. Both you and your husband deserve each other. You are of the she ain't pretty she just looks that way type. At 29 years old, you should have some sense of maturity and not be part of the dude's midlife crisis. His last shot at love - uh, yeah. You still have a few more friends and family members to drive away and then you have Mr. Handsome all to yourself. And no, you did not need to go with him to find pants. Now you can work on making your medical dreams come true and maybe you can also get your own TLC show about it too. The dress didn't fit you well, your cake had enough and collapsed. Congrats!

[sainte-chapelle]

I think, judging by the previews, they are making Larissa the next Anfisa. I actually like her more than most of these idiots which is not saying much.

[Kiss my mutt]

Eric saying he’s choosing his wife and stepson over his kids but not in a bad way. Okay, what way is it then? I’m glad at least his oldest daughters didn’t attend.  He’ll be homeless and penniless asking Tasha for a place in no time. 

Leida, you have an expensive tiara from Paris but you’re getting married in a busted up conference room of a Day’s Inn? It’s hard to believe that she had a $300,00 first wedding,  but bitch got her green card. She’s done. 

[happy hobo]

39 minutes ago, Adeejay said:

From what I understand, if you are arrested over the weekend, you have to wait until Monday to go before a judge in order to make bail.  

On DV in Nevada, the bail amount is automatic (amt depends on if it is charged as a felony or a misdemeanor. (It might be that she had to stay for a judge if this was not her first time charged).  Also, Nevada MANDATES that DV arrests stay in the jail for 12 hours. (at least if not a felony). That being said, you get the paperwork/go to the phone and arrange bail immediately so that when they 12 hours are up.......you can leave.  

[sconstant]

10 minutes ago, sainte-chapelle said:

I loved Larissa's dig when getting in the Limo "Ohhhh it even has air conditioner niceee"

And his dig at her when she said they were “feenally” married and he repeated it the same way.  Seemed funny and loving instead of mean.  But then you have to consider the source, I guess. 

[liammaam]

Well what do you know!  It looks like Larissa and Colt married at the same chapel my husband and I were married at.

[Dance4Life]

 Colt married Larissa but only for bragging rights!

Debbie encourages him to act horrible towards women to drive them away.

She is a horrible mother keeping him co-dependent like that......telling her son  it is Ok to treat cats like girlfriends!  😂 

 

Debbie met her match with Larissa.  Larissa is here for the Green Card!  Not going anywhere.

 

She will eat Debbie’s stew, put up with getting called a bitch, ride without A/C in unsexy car,  no shopping, no roses, pretend to like the smell of stinky cat litter, and even have sex with Colt.....all for  a Green card!

 

The last desperate act was Debbie picking a fight with Larissa and encouraging Colt to call the cops.

 

Debbie and Colt ganged up on Larissa once again and then got her arrested!

 

Their talking heads.....were ridiculous!  Hahahahahaha!  They were acting so innocent like they didn’t mean to call the cops. 

Now Debbie’s last hope is that they find Larissa guilty and gets deported to Brazil!

 

(But, if Debbie and Colt refuse to cooperate with the cops.....they drop the case against Larissa.  We will see how it turns out).

Edited December 31, 2018 by Dance4Life

[Real4real]

1 hour ago, usernameG said:

I still can't get over Larissa wore a Goodwill dress but yet they had a limo pick her up.

So Coltee saved a bundle on the dress.  Any odds on how much he’ll spend on the lawyer?  Personally, I’m betting on a public defender.

[Drogo]

Jay puts "the D" in Douchebag.

Get away, Ashley.  It meant nothing to him, and by "it" he means "marriage."

[liammaam]

Am I seriously hearing Ashley correct right now?  This bitch... Beginning of season: "I'm not fat and ugly, so he's definitely not cheating."  End of season:  But she's faaaaaaaaat, and I am the opposite.  He must just like fat chicks."  

She's totally rubbing me the wrong way here- I understand she is trying to state a case for her not being his "type," but it just comes off as shallow bullshit.
 

[Dance4Life]

25 minutes ago, happy hobo said:

On DV in Nevada, the bail amount is automatic (amt depends on if it is charged as a felony or a misdemeanor. (It might be that she had to stay for a judge if this was not her first time charged).  Also, Nevada MANDATES that DV arrests stay in the jail for 12 hours. (at least if not a felony). That being said, you get the paperwork/go to the phone and arrange bail immediately so that when they 12 hours are up.......you can leave.  

Yea.  When you go to jail it can take at least 24 hours.  A few hours to book you.  Transfer you to jail. Then you have to wait until the next business day to go in front of the judge.  You are read your charges, you make our plead and judge sets the bail.

Then when it is in the system you can get bail out.  They can pay cash but if the person has to go to the bail bond.....then that can add a few more hours.

 

Where I am at the judge works every day.  But, people have to remember you are getting charge with 50-100 people at a time.....especially if it is over the weekend and it is busy.  It is mostly fights, drugs, traffic or warrant violations. 

 

She is in Vegas....can you imagine how many people get arrested???  This is probably why it took 2 days!

Edited December 31, 2018 by Dance4Life

[ChiCricket]

24 minutes ago, Kiss my mutt said:

Leida, you have an expensive tiara from Paris but you’re getting married in a busted up conference room of a Day’s Inn? It’s hard to believe that she had a $300,00 first wedding,  but bitch got her green card. She’s done. 

Yep, and as I said in the live thread, 

I think Leida's legs snapped shut 2 seconds after the marriage was official. 

I don't see her in love (or lust) with Eric at ALL.

  He's going to have to beg for sex.

[Drogo]

14 minutes ago, Real4real said:

So Coltee saved a bundle on the dress.  Any odds on how much he’ll spend on the lawyer?  Personally, I’m betting on a public defender.

Do they even sell legal counsel at Goodwill?

[Frozendiva]

5 minutes ago, liammaam said:

Am I seriously hearing Ashley correct right now?  This bitch... Beginning of season: "I'm not fat and ugly, so he's definitely not cheating."  End of season:  But she's faaaaaaaaat, and I am the opposite.  He must just like fat chicks."  

She's totally rubbing me the wrong way here- I understand she is trying to state a case for her not being his "type," but it just comes off as shallow bullshit.
 

You can be Miss Universe or some other amazingly beautiful woman and a man can and will cheat on you.  It is something within him that needs to be healed and dealt with and has nothing to do with you. He will cheat with anyone - thin, fat, beautiful, homely, you name it. And Ashley, you also need to deal with whatever is within you.

[Dance4Life]

5 minutes ago, ChiCricket said:

Yep, and as I said in the live thread, 

I think Leida's legs snapped shut 2 seconds after the marriage was official. 

I don't see her in love (or lust) with Eric at ALL.

  He's going to have to beg for sex.

Put it in Proper!!!!!!  

 

Hahahahahaahha!  

[jumper sage]

31 minutes ago, Frozendiva said:

Olga, be very glad that Steven has gone back home to America. You have one child to look out for now, and not two.

Just tooled around the key words Russia, single mothers and found out that 1 out of 3 mothers are single parents.  They have government paid maternity leave, paid day care support and other programs.  I don't understand why people think the USA is so great we have none of those things.

35 minutes ago, Frozendiva said:

Ashley, you saw the signs in Jay, and you still married him

What an idiot!  I bet she goes the way of Danielle/Mohammad and stays married to him so long she can't get him out of the country.  Cuz, he will eventually fall in love with this 12 years older woman with kids dontchaknow.

Kolani and her pregnancy - Who cares?  So what?  Having kids close together is actually smart since they can keep each other company and play together so parents can do their chores in peace.  Having a single or a lot of years between kids is actually harder.  What if she just got married and "got pregnant on her honeymoon"???? Happens all the time.  For her sister to get upset was just acting and the whole OMG was much ado about nothing.

[Drogo]

2 minutes ago, Frozendiva said:

You can be Miss Universe or some other amazingly beautiful woman and a man can and will cheat on you.  It is something within him that needs to be healed and dealt with and has nothing to do with you. He will cheat with anyone - thin, fat, beautiful, homely, you name it. And Ashley, you also need to deal with whatever is within you.

He will cheat because he's a cheater and an opportunity presents itself. 

Ashley needs to find someone who doesn't need to be fixed. 

[Dance4Life]

3 minutes ago, Frozendiva said:

You can be Miss Universe or some other amazingly beautiful woman and a man can and will cheat on you.  It is something within him that needs to be healed and dealt with and has nothing to do with you. He will cheat with anyone - thin, fat, beautiful, homely, you name it. And Ashley, you also need to deal with whatever is within you.

He already told us why he cheated.  He is bored home alone while mom is at work. Comes home, takes care of the young children and ignores the older child.

 

He is 20! 

She is already 30 and can’t have anymore kids.  In 5 years, (Yea, I know, it won’t last this long) he will be a completely different person.

 

If Jay was smart he would work on a job so we are not stuck with a bum ass Skinz Jr!

 

Ashley, hun, get in line with Danielle and Molly.  Too late to cry about the 10 years and annulments! 

 I wonder where her kids are.  She said she has 2 baby daddies that were abusive. Do they see their dads or does her family help raise them....???

 

All that money she could have spent on her kids!  Expensive D!  

Her kids will watch this show, too!

[Toaster Strudel]

Kalani looked like a goddess, her makeup was angelic, the sparkly belt very flattering, and Sexy Moves gave her the perfect, teary eyed, altar kiss. I'm so happy for them and their two babies and I wish them much happiness. Congratulations to the happy couple.

If you look back on my earlier recaps, I said that Sad Barbie chose Heavy Sack Jay "SKINZ Jr" because he was guaranteed to replicate her comfort zone romance scenario, which is to be cheated on, and take off. All the signs, "red flags" or as Ashley saw them, "irresistible attributes" were there. She could have picked a local compulsive adulterer with minimal hassle, but no, she had to import one barely out of his teens and is now responsible for him for a whole decade (until she's 41 and he's 30) while raising two small children. Ashley, you're a sweet gal, but you self-owned spectacularly. I could give some advice like "don't give him a second chance" but what's the use? Her impulse to select cheaters cannot be reasoned away.  Heavy Sack explained his transgressions with a multi-pronged defense. She' doesn't put out multiple times a day, he's bored, people are contacting him, she doesn't pay him enough attention, he left everything behind, it's the culture, it was just going to be a couple of texts (technically, "a couple" means TWO, not "a few"). He even makes a mockery of her reaction by boasting he'd be a total prince about it and would have forgiven her a similar "mistake."  He's like a combination of Mohamed & Luis.

GI Slob, with shameless macho bravado, announces that he approaches every day like a military mission - in which he forgets his pants. HIS PANTS!!! This is a metaphor for the life he and Lousy-da will spend together, dodging shrapnel from exploding land mines, breathing napalm fumes and being startled all night by rocket launchers, WITHOUT PANTS. Like the good little narcissist that he is, the ex-hobo says: "I wish my daughters were there so that I can tell them how important it is to me-me-me." When I counted 15 guests sitting on cheap chairs in a rented hotel hall, none of them being his two eldest daughters, I popped a huge revenge boner (I'm not sending fellow fans pictures of it, don't worry, but it was huge). Why bother with pants with so few in attendance? He can just tell them not to look down at his hairy legs, but I don't know, maybe he wants to hide some unsightly areas of gas gangrene. My heart broke for the little boy who was kneeling backwards on the chair, his forehead against the back of it, the whole time. Someone give that poor kid a hug.

Crueleida had her arms crossed during her makeup. Who does that? She's so angry all the time. But cheer up! Only the best for her, and that discount tiara is from Paris, not China like the rest of us plebes - not that I believe a word that comes out of her lying mouth. Her dress was a poorly fitted abomination. She's a very thin girl, but that dress made her look she wore a whiskey barrel for a corset. I recommend she doesn't wet her wedding ring, because the rock salt solitaire will quickly dissolve away.

That big crack across Old Rheumy Eyes' forehead always looks like it's about to start to speak, and show less methy teeth. Maybe it wouldn't say asinine things like "I'm choosing Turdy-da over my daughters, but in a good way!"  As far as the daughters are concerned, the she-devil can't help but add insult to injury: "Jenna was here and it's enough!"

After the pathetic, depressing nuptials with half-empty tables and a service of canned green beans and unseasoned chicken, Leida is delighted. She can now stay in America and pursue a medical career (probably more of an opportunity for her to smother and poison patients rather than heal them, maybe she should stick to working at the morgue or a coroner's office). And Eric is keeping his mouth shut about it, but we all know he wants her to support him with her big doctor salary. It's, after all, his last chance at... marrying someone with the potential to make bank and give him a hassle-free supply of prescription opioids - he'll be just as disappointed as she will be, and I want to be there to see it.

The Tell All is going to be lit: in the preview, her eyes are red, swollen and pissing tears. "Do you have money or not? You lied to me" Hahahahahah schadenfreude!

In Las Vegas, Freakazoid Colt, who Larissa has to beg for compliments, is effusive with Debbie. "Mom you look cute" he says in a very formal tone, as she wears his own baby pink work shirt, and he sports a matching baby pink tie that she lovingly puts on for him following the wikihow page. "You look so handsome," she coos. "You look beautiful," he returns, full of sincerity. Coltee is wearing what appears to be a massive adult diaper under his one-size-too small suit. She is to walk him down the aisle, because he has no best man. "It's like losing your son, it is sad," she laments. Now we have some real suspense! Will she let him go at the altar, or stick to him like a barnacle? Does the officiant keep a crow bar under his robe? In contrast, no one walks Larissa down the aisle, she goes solo.

After the couch fake out, the wedding dress budget broken promise where Larissa ended up with a dress from goodwill, the proposal in a tower that would give her anxiety and vertigo, the Lecherous Cretin has another malicious, passive-aggressive surprise for Larissa. Cousin Unfriendly will be there against her objections! Why? Because it's important to him! Larissa be damned. But as the Misogynistic Asswipe assures us, Larissa "managed to control herself" so I guess he's counting on her to suppress her righteous anger when she sees Raging Cousin in the assembly. And what a conspicuous display of disrespect he makes by showing up dressed even worse than Debbie, wearing his work T-shirt with an embroidered logo! Poor sport as ever, he keeps trashing Larissa after the ceremony, after she showed way more class than he did, by ignoring him. Good thinking, audio team, for jacking up the gain on the microphone to pick up the anemic applause after they shared their vows.

Next we find out that he called the police on Larissa over a verbal argument. Well, a call-and-hang-up, like the shitty drama queen that he is, probably to manipulate Larissa - but now his idiocy has backfired and the miser who won't spring for AC in his car is going to have to pay for an attorney. Curiously, no one mentions physical violence in the TV interview, so why was Larissa taken away from domestic battery? So here's what I think. There was no physical violence or fear thereof. Coltee is a manipulative little bitchee and lied to the police-ee. She probably sounded more emotional than he did, so they carted her away and charged her. He is an ugly, ugly person. Despicable and loathsome. I wish he had married Leida, but she's so perfect for Eric, too.

I can't wait for the tell all! So many villains crying. It will be great!

Edited December 31, 2018 by Toaster Strudel

[magemaud]

When Eric couldn’t find his suit pants, I was expecting him to get married in his Dress Blues. 

My husband came into the room during the Eric/Leida wedding scene and asked, “Are they getting married in a funeral home?”

Edited December 31, 2018 by magemaud

[TrininisaScorp]

I've been in bed with a sinus thing today bc I spent the last week enjoying the holidays and family too much.  Thus, I have limited patience for high levels of fuckery. 

I never talk about Ashley and Jay at all bc...what's the point? Obviously, this is what was going to happen. Ashley should just get the ah-nool-ment and let Jay go Tinder his dick off in JamRock. 

Olga/Steven - Girl. You free from this asshole! Woot!

Larissa/Coltee - what a gd mess! We know L has a temper, but I just don't trust Coltee and his mama. I read too many gothic novels. Fuck you, John. 

Fernanda/Jon - You know, that was actually sweet with the vows. But. I sideeyed grammy being sick being the reason mom wasn't there, and Jon's bro riding his dick was uncomfortable. 

Eric/Leida - Man, he just keeps digging himself further into the doghouse with his girls. Leida doesn't even front about why she's putting up with Eric to be taken care of in America. She continues to be the absolute worst. I finally pinpointed why I dislike her as much as I do: The fact that's she's kicking out Eric's 19 yo is extra nasty bc in most Asian cultures (prob inclusive of hers) an unmarried daughter stays with the family until she leaves for school or marriage. So this entitled, nasty bitch totally recieved that privilege from daddy in Indonesia, but won't let Eric's daughter. Gross.

Plus, I was totally blindsided by how their officiant sounded like he was a busted ass MovieFone guy. Cannot. Unhear. "Eric and Lay-da...for Spiderman press 1....for Aquaman press 2..."

Kahlani/Aseulo - Their wedding was cute! Her family has serious bitch face, all these ppl dressed like they were attending very different events. Asuelo seems so joyous repping his culture. Father K just staring (with embarassment? Sadness? Envy?) while Asuelo danced was so indicative. 

My fav thing this episode is how busted all the brides look: Fernanda and her dark undergarments, Kahlani blowing all over, Larissa in the Goodwill special, and Leida looking boxy was hell. Bruh.

The director these last couple of episodes has been fire! Between Kahlani's serious talk with her sister whist wearing Party City chain 'o dicks and the comic beats of Eric in the slowest elevator at the Days Inn while Leida stews were cracking me up.

[Ijustwantsomechips]

1 hour ago, liammaam said:

Am I seriously hearing Ashley correct right now?  This bitch... Beginning of season: "I'm not fat and ugly, so he's definitely not cheating."  End of season:  But she's faaaaaaaaat, and I am the opposite.  He must just like fat chicks."  

She's totally rubbing me the wrong way here- I understand she is trying to state a case for her not being his "type," but it just comes off as shallow bullshit.
 

That’s exactly what it is. The bitch is dumb and shallow. She’s one of those superficial chicks who thinks “I’m too cute for him to cheat on me!”  I hope he finds someone of My 600# Life stature to sleep with. It would give me life!

[juicyfruit]

When Fernanda couldn't reach her mother on the wedding day, I was hoping for her sake that a last-minute visa had been approved and mama was on her way.  Jon's mother on the other hand was probably wishing that she had visa issues so that her grandma-sitting excuse wouldn't have looked so lame on tv.

I always sense by Leia's glazed over stare-slash-smile that Coltee's cousin John is often opinionated and she prides herself on being Switzerland.

[gingerella]

These bitches...

I took moderate pleasure in seeing how frumpy, dowdy and just SHITTY LeidaHoseBeast looked in that janky wedding dress, haha. Paris tiara my ass bitch. She’s looked hideous. That dress wasn’t altered at all, her tits were swimming in that bodice and her giant appley pooch made her look 5 months pregnant. Yeah, real klassy. She’s a basic bitch on a good day. I can’t even with No Pants. 

Ashley STILL isn’t sure what to do?!? If she keeps him here and doesn’t annul, she deserves what she gets.

Edited January 2, 2019 by gingerella

[prettygrownup]

About Larissa’s legal trouble, know a bit as a former lawyer and from life experience. So here is a long, boring post - apologies.

1. Domestic battery = hands were laid on someone, a scratch or slap would do it.  Battery means it was more than a verbal argument.

2. If you call the police during a DV incident, they will come out. You can’t take it back or change your mind on the phone. Which is progress generally and for women in particular. Here, the police made a judgment call based on what they saw and heard after they got there. They then arrested Larissa.

3. If you get arrested on a Friday evening, in many states including mine (California) you will be in jail until sometime Monday for court.  It can be any kind of charge. This has happened twice to a male relative at age 18 and then 20.  (Idiot.)  No violent crime involved, and he was scared in jail for more than 48 hours each time. You cannot bail out on the weekend if you have not been to court yet. 

So once Colt made the phone call here, the other consequences (police visit, jail, charge) were pretty much lined up like dominoes. He didn’t know that.

Good news.  A decent (free) public defender, and there are some in Las Vegas, can help this charge go away with anger mgmt classes and/or community service, both of which may do her some good. And those outcomes can happen without a conviction. Or the court might be willing to drop it, if parties go to court-ordered therapy. Lots of possibilities for a court to look at here and help.

[silverspoons]

5 hours ago, usernameG said:

Eric seems more concerned about losing his pants than his kids.

I still can't get over Larissa wore a Goodwill dress but yet they had a limo pick her up.

The limo is part of the package at the wedding chapel they used, even the cheapest $300 package includes the limo. The place they choose is actually one of the better deals in Vegas, for $300 you get the decorated venue, minister of your choosing, limo, and a video of the wedding. The cheesy Elvis one that Jay and Ashley had cost more and no limo or video. I'm just surprised Debbie did not have a skirt or dress. I appreciated the pink as a gesture but slacks at a wedding? and then the cousin in his Friendly's shirt. All I can think of is the ice cream place Friendly's but in Vegas it is a repair company. 

Did Leida ever say she was happy to be married to Eric. I heard her say she was happy to be in America. Happy to get her dream of being a doctor in America. Happy to be in the best country in the world but did not hear much about her love for Eric. Also just loved how she said having the youngest daughter there was enough, they did not need all 3! Her poor son looked so bored. I have thought maybe Eric was excited to have a son after 3 girls, might have been part of the appeal of Leida, he gets a son, but not a baby , and the father of the son will not be around. It was sad that Leida's son was not part of the ceremony? a ring bearer or Eric could not have had him next to him like a jr best man? 

Won't comment on Kalini except I say BS on her story as someone who lives in Southern Utah. 

[Cammi]

7 hours ago, usernameG said:

Eric seems more concerned about losing his pants than his kids.

I still can't get over Larissa wore a Goodwill dress but yet they had a limo pick her up.

If she hadn't told us it was from the Goodwill I never would have guessed it. I would've been none the wiser. I think the limo was probably part of the chapel wedding package. 

[Kangatush]

Did Ashley's friend Brandi lose a bet?  Does she need to be as close to naked as possible, while still actually clothed?  I feel like wearing that outfit around kids could make her need to register as a sex offender.

Jay never apologized, just said it was on him.  

You know the marriage will last forever when your wife calls the one daughter that did bother to show at your wedding by the wrong name.  It's Jennika, not Jenna.

Why couldn't Brother Kalani put on a button down instead of a t-shirt?  It's one day dude, try a little.

Eh, I'm just waiting for the extreme frustration of next week.  Useless Shaun not asking any decent questions, way too many clips, awesome fights that never happen...  

P.S. in the preview Steven says like 3 words and I want to throat punch him already.

[thejuicer]

I usually fast forward the wedding scenes because I think they're boring AF. But I really don't like guests who can't bother to dress up for someone's wedding. All the sights of flip flops, t-shirts, unkempt hair, untucked shirts make me want to rage. At my wedding my husband's (male, adult) cousin wore runners and I secretly haven't forgiven him since.  

Did Ashley refer to herself as "small and slim" or some similar words when she was lamenting on the fat 18 year old Jay cheated with? Is she for real? I don't consider her fat but when I think of Ashley I think of a curvy woman. The only thing small about her is her brain.

[Alonzo Mosely FBI]

Well at least we know where the car AC blower went.

It is venting away down  Colt's waistband in his puffed up suit pants! Whhrrrrrr..... 

[Owwwww ma leg]

8 hours ago, DiamondGirl said:

I wonder if Debbie has been feeding estrogen to Colt all these years.  He has a very..womanly..shape.  And she did never think he would get married.  

Coltee looked like a middle aged menopausal woman named Bev, he is so revolting in every way.

[Gobi]

40 minutes ago, Kangatush said:

Did Ashley's friend Brandi lose a bet?  Does she need to be as close to naked as possible, while still actually clothed?  I feel like wearing that outfit around kids could make her need to register as a sex offender.

Ashley is a bartender, maybe at or formally at a strip bar. Brandi is probably a co-worker (past or present) who was on her way from or to her shift as a bartender or stripper. Or, she's just a hooker.

[Dance4Life]

7 hours ago, Toaster Strudel said:

Kalani looked like a goddess, her makeup was angelic, the sparkly belt very flattering, and Sexy Moves gave her the perfect, teary eyed, altar kiss. I'm so happy for them and their two babies and I wish them much happiness. Congratulations to the happy couple.

If you look back on my earlier recaps, I said that Sad Barbie chose Heavy Sack Jay "SKINZ Jr" because he was guaranteed to replicate her comfort zone romance scenario, which is to be cheated on, and take off. All the signs, "red flags" or as Ashley saw them, "irresistible attributes" were there. She could have picked a local compulsive adulterer with minimal hassle, but no, she had to import one barely out of his teens and is now responsible for him for a whole decade (until she's 41 and he's 30) while raising two small children. Ashley, you're a sweet gal, but you self-owned spectacularly. I could give some advice like "don't give him a second chance" but what's the use? Her impulse to select cheaters cannot be reasoned away.  Heavy Sack explained his transgressions with a multi-pronged defense. She' doesn't put out multiple times a day, he's bored, people are contacting him, she doesn't pay him enough attention, he left everything behind, it's the culture, it was just going to be a couple of texts (technically, "a couple" means TWO, not "a few"). He even makes a mockery of her reaction by boasting he'd be a total prince about it and would have forgiven her a similar "mistake."  He's like a combination of Mohamed & Luis.

GI Slob, with shameless macho bravado, announces that he approaches every day like a military mission - in which he forgets his pants. HIS PANTS!!! This is a metaphor for the life he and Lousy-da will spend together, dodging shrapnel from exploding land mines, breathing napalm fumes and being startled all night by rocket launchers, WITHOUT PANTS. Like the good little narcissist that he is, the ex-hobo says: "I wish my daughters were there so that I can tell them how important it is to me-me-me." When I counted 15 guests sitting on cheap chairs in a rented hotel hall, none of them being his two eldest daughters, I popped a huge revenge boner (I'm not sending fellow fans pictures of it, don't worry, but it was huge). Why bother with pants with so few in attendance? He can just tell them not to look down at his hairy legs, but I don't know, maybe he wants to hide some unsightly areas of gas gangrene. My heart broke for the little boy who was kneeling backwards on the chair, his forehead against the back of it, the whole time. Someone give that poor kid a hug.

Crueleida had her arms crossed during her makeup. Who does that? She's so angry all the time. But cheer up! Only the best for her, and that discount tiara is from Paris, not China like the rest of us plebes - not that I believe a word that comes out of her lying mouth. Her dress was a poorly fitted abomination. She's a very thin girl, but that dress made her look she wore a whiskey barrel for a corset. I recommend she doesn't wet her wedding ring, because the rock salt solitaire will quickly dissolve away.

That big crack across Old Rheumy Eyes' forehead always looks like it's about to start to speak, and show less methy teeth. Maybe it wouldn't say asinine things like "I'm choosing Turdy-da over my daughters, but in a good way!"  As far as the daughters are concerned, the she-devil can't help but add insult to injury: "Jenna was here and it's enough!"

After the pathetic, depressing nuptials with half-empty tables and a service of canned green beans and unseasoned chicken, Leida is delighted. She can now stay in America and pursue a medical career (probably more of an opportunity for her to smother and poison patients rather than heal them, maybe she should stick to working at the morgue or a coroner's office). And Eric is keeping his mouth shut about it, but we all know he wants her to support him with her big doctor salary. It's, after all, his last chance at... marrying someone with the potential to make bank and give him a hassle-free supply of prescription opioids - he'll be just as disappointed as she will be, and I want to be there to see it.

The Tell All is going to be lit: in the preview, her eyes are red, swollen and pissing tears. "Do you have money or not? You lied to me" Hahahahahah schadenfreude!

In Las Vegas, Freakazoid Colt, who Larissa has to beg for compliments, is effusive with Debbie. "Mom you look cute" he says in a very formal tone, as she wears his own baby pink work shirt, and he sports a matching baby pink tie that she lovingly puts on for him following the wikihow page. "You look so handsome," she coos. "You look beautiful," he returns, full of sincerity. Coltee is wearing what appears to be a massive adult diaper under his one-size-too small suit. She is to walk him down the aisle, because he has no best man. "It's like losing your son, it is sad," she laments. Now we have some real suspense! Will she let him go at the altar, or stick to him like a barnacle? Do the officiant keep a crow bar under his robe? In contrast, no one walks Larissa down the aisle, she goes solo.

After the couch fake out, the wedding dress budget broken promise where Larissa ended up with a dress from goodwill, the proposal in a tower that would give her anxiety and vertigo, the Lecherous Cretin has another malicious, passive-aggressive surprise for Larissa. Cousin Unfriendly will be there against her objections! Why? Because it's important to him! Larissa be damned. But as the Misogynistic Asswipe assures us, Larissa "managed to control herself" so I guess he's counting on her to suppress her righteous anger when she sees Raging Cousin in the assembly. And what a conspicuous display of disrespect he makes by showing up dressed even worse than Debbie, wearing his work T-shirt with an embroidered logo! Poor sport as ever, he keeps trashing Larissa after the ceremony, after she showed way more class than he did, by ignoring him. Good thinking, audio team, for jacking up the gain on the microphone to pick up the anemic applause after they shared their vows.

Next we find out that he called the police on Larissa over a verbal argument. Well, a call-and-hang-up, like the shitty drama queen that he is, probably to manipulate Larissa - but now his idiocy has backfired and the miser who won't spring for AC in his car is going to have to pay for an attorney. Curiously, no one mentions physical violence in the TV interview, so why was Larissa taken away from domestic battery? So here's what I think. There was no physical violence or fear thereof. Coltee is a manipulative little bitchee and lied to the police-ee. She probably sounded more emotional than he did, so they carted her away and charged her. He is an ugly, ugly person. Despicable and loathsome. I wish he had married Leida, but she's so perfect for Eric, too.

I can't wait for the tell all! So many villains crying. It will be great!

 

Your reviews are the Best! I am totally cracking up here! 

 

So, they called the cops on Larissa and didn’t even speak to the 911 operator??  That is so guilty!  People that do that don’t want their lies recorded and later incriminate themselves! 

 

Colt and Debbie acted ridiculous on their talking heads.  Guilty as Heck!

’we didn’t mean to call the police!’  Surrrrre, Jan!

 

As soon as Larissa got a little hot from the usual 2 against 1 bullying........this was Debbie.  LMAO

 

 

Edited December 31, 2018 by Dance4Life

[Owwwww ma leg]

8 hours ago, Frozendiva said:

, your cake had enough and collapsed. Congrats!

And this sums up all the weddings. Mazel tov  bitches!

[Scarlett45]

45 minutes ago, thejuicer said:

I usually fast forward the wedding scenes because I think they're boring AF. But I really don't like guests who can't bother to dress up for someone's wedding. All the sights of flip flops, t-shirts, unkempt hair, untucked shirts make me want to rage. At my wedding my husband's (male, adult) cousin wore runners and I secretly haven't forgiven him since.  

Did Ashley refer to herself as "small and slim" or some similar words when she was lamenting on the fat 18 year old Jay cheated with? Is she for real? I don't consider her fat but when I think of Ashley I think of a curvy woman. The only thing small about her is her brain.

I consider Ashley slim- she’s of average height it looks like so she’s not “petite” but she’s not “curvy” by USA standards at all. From her bikini shots she’s toned, and looks like an adult woman (breasts, hips and buttocks) but to me “curvy” would be her with an extra 20/30lbs. Like a Christina Hendricks type or Ashley Graham type (Ashley Graham is model tall though at 5’11). But people have different standard- once in the This is Us thread someone said Mandy Moore was “large boned” and I was like “WUT?!!! That woman is tall, thin and willowy!”

 

There are women in this world that think that life will go a certain way for them because they fit the standard of beauty- it’s not their fault, young girls are fed this proganda (beauty equallying goodness or talent, assumptions that beautiful people are partnered & and treated better etc); but when these women get a little older and realized that life didn’t turn out “Golden” they became angry. I call it the “beautiful woman syndrome”- think of Halle Berry and her pattern of asshole men!!

 

I think Ashely has many insecurities and doesn’t love herself as much as she should, so she chooses guys that are not going to treat her well but initially she assumes they will because she is attractive. Ashley is only 31, she is pretty and seems decent (on a moral level)- no reason she couldn’t meet a guy that wants her for her (not a green card).