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  1. Once upon a time, there was a battle between the Nefarious Nitwits and the Brazen Bullies. And every day, each side needed to sacrifice one warrior to the Vengeful Volcano for good fortune in the clash- lest the Volcano swallow them all.
  2. Once upon a time, there lived a boy named Jack Jackson. And every day, Jack Jackson juggled jugs. Until one day a wanderer came into town, one that also juggles jugs. And because of this, Jack Jackson decided there needed to be a judged jug juggling tournament. And because of this, the wanderer (Joy Johnson) jump started her jug juggling by juggling jugs and jackrabbits. And because of this, the citizens of Juniper Junction all jumped with joy. Until finally, the jackrabbits had enough of being juggled- and devised a great plan to make the jugglers and all of Juniper Junction pay for their mistreatment.
  3. Once upon a time, there lived a boy named Jack Jackson.
  4. I guess when she says "things happened that never should have happened" she's referring to people flapping their gums about how terrible she personally was to them on a regular basis. *The first rule of Ellen Fight Club is you don't TALK ABOUT Ellen Fight Club. The second rule of Ellen Fight Club is, you guessed it...
  5. Ellen DeGeneres publicly addresses workplace toxicity claims for the first time in season debut. “I learned that things happened here that never should have happened.”
  6. Someone should tell Dr. Toolbag he's reduced their value by 75%.
  7. "Thank you Kalani, for bringing these children whom I don't care if they starve here to say goodbye to me; my heart is fixed."
  8. This is incredible. Thank you for this comment.
  9. Bodyguards, friends, Bloods/gangmembers... eight of them were ordered to attack 2 sisters. 3 including Cardi facing felonies. Sure, that'll make him stop cheating.
  10. In case you missed the episode, here's a quick visual recap: ----- ANGELA: MICHAEL: ----- PAUL: KARINE: ----- COLT: ----- ERICKY & LARISSA: ----- ----- ASUELU: ASUELU'S MOM: ASUELU'S SISTERS: LOW: ----- JENN & LIBBY: ELIZABETH'S MOM: CHUCK: CHARLIE: ANDREI:
  11. She got tired of him parking that big Mack truck right in other people's little garages.
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