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Drogo

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  1. Once upon a time, there was a battle between the Nefarious Nitwits and the Brazen Bullies. And every day, each side needed to sacrifice one warrior to the Vengeful Volcano for good fortune in the clash- lest the Volcano swallow them all. Until one day, all of the warriors previously sacrificed suddenly climbed out of the Vengeful Volcano, wondering what had happened. And because of this, the first Nefarious Nitwit - Brazen Bully hybrid was born, and it was thought that David the Brazen Nitwit might usher in a new era of peace. And because of this, battles with weapons ceased and they started having dances, but those soon became dance-offs! And because of this, most of the population danced themselves to death as done during the Dancing Plague of 1518! Until finally, there remained 4 Nefarious Nitwits who had refused to join in the dance-offs and 5 Brazen Bullies who opposed the dance offs on moral grounds. And ever since that day, they combined to make a new group, the Definitely Don't Dancers. The moral of the story is... if you're ever sacrificed to a volcano, don't climb out or your town will eventually become the inspiration for Footloose.
  2. Ethiopian supermodel/car-salesperson: "We're landlocked." Ari: "Yeah but I'm American." Bibi:
  3. Once upon a time, there was a battle between the Nefarious Nitwits and the Brazen Bullies. And every day, each side needed to sacrifice one warrior to the Vengeful Volcano for good fortune in the clash- lest the Volcano swallow them all.
  4. Once upon a time, there lived a boy named Jack Jackson. And every day, Jack Jackson juggled jugs. Until one day a wanderer came into town, one that also juggles jugs. And because of this, Jack Jackson decided there needed to be a judged jug juggling tournament. And because of this, the wanderer (Joy Johnson) jump started her jug juggling by juggling jugs and jackrabbits. And because of this, the citizens of Juniper Junction all jumped with joy. Until finally, the jackrabbits had enough of being juggled- and devised a great plan to make the jugglers and all of Juniper Junction pay for their mistreatment.
  5. Once upon a time, there lived a boy named Jack Jackson.
  6. I guess when she says "things happened that never should have happened" she's referring to people flapping their gums about how terrible she personally was to them on a regular basis. *The first rule of Ellen Fight Club is you don't TALK ABOUT Ellen Fight Club. The second rule of Ellen Fight Club is, you guessed it...
  7. Ellen DeGeneres publicly addresses workplace toxicity claims for the first time in season debut. “I learned that things happened here that never should have happened.”
  8. Someone should tell Dr. Toolbag he's reduced their value by 75%.
  9. "Thank you Kalani, for bringing these children whom I don't care if they starve here to say goodbye to me; my heart is fixed."
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