Joe & Kendra: Looking Forward To Side Hugs

[yogi2014L]

41 minutes ago, andromeda331 said:

Considering how long Jill and Jessa waited to put together their nurseries I'm surprised Joe and Kendra moved that fast to get a crib. 

I am 31 weeks and still don't have a crib. :-/  LOL!

[Ohiopirate02]

1 hour ago, XrystalPond said:

There are cultures where that is the biggest risk to luck ever. My mother is a Russian immigrant and my father is from the United States. My mother's family and friends from Russia won't allow anything baby related to be in the house while the mother is pregnant. We don't do baby showers and everything that is bought for the baby is stored offsite. Usually, the in-laws or friends will come into the home to set up the nursery while the mother is in labor. Not sure how that would work with all the Duggars liking home births.

We also have a superstition that the father is supposed to confess the names of all his past lovers while his wife is in labor, as it will ease the pain. I'm not a fan of that one. 1. It should be mentioned earlier. 2. That's a good way to have a dead husband if he says a name you don't like. 

We have a lot of these superstitions so it is always funny for me to see the Duggars and others announce so early and with so much enthusiasm. Eastern European and Russian traditions have us saying, "I'm sorry that you are in for so much work," rather than "Congratulations."

In my Polish -American family,  the nursery was not set until the baby was born. Most of my cousins have stopped this tradition and have decorated the baby's room while pregnant. 

[lookeyloo]

3 minutes ago, Ohiopirate02 said:

In my Polish -American family,  the nursery was not set until the baby was born. Most of my cousins have stopped this tradition and have decorated the baby's room while pregnant. 

Same here, Jewish, European.  some of my more devout cousins' children still do this.

[Barb23]

1 hour ago, andromeda331 said:

Considering how long Jill and Jessa waited to put together their nurseries I'm surprised Joe and Kendra moved that fast to get a crib. 

I remember them doing Spurgey's nursery on Counting On.  Isn't that when Jessa stapled the wrinkly curtains to the wall? Was there a theme?  I remember neutral colors & her showing some of the girls the finished nursery complete with framed sono pictures that didn't show the baby's private parts.  I forgot, did they keep the baby's sex secret until the birth?   As for Izzi's nursery, I don't remember anything.  Theme?  Was it shown on the show?  I know this was around the time of the revelation of the girl's molestation & the cancellation of 19K&C so I'm thinking it wasn't. 

[Portia]

A lot of conservative Christians consider any sort of superstition as highly unspiritual. Heck, I know basic Baptists who absolutely refuse to use the word "luck," even if they're talking about, well, luck.  "I won a door prize! I am so lucky blessed!"  Yeah, sure. The Lord totally guided the MC's hand so you could win that $15 Zaxby's gift card.  You're God's favorite. Super.

As for the "appropriate" time to announce pregnancy or to decorate the nursery, obviously, mileage varies.  Personally I find it really strange that modern young moms (at least in my area) seem to take it as gospel that you're not supposed to announce before 10 or 12 weeks. My daughter's OB literally instructed her to wait until 12 weeks to announce.  I didn't say this out loud because my daughter loves her OB, but my reaction to this information was, "What business is that of hers? She should just give you the facts about miscarriage risk and let you make up your own mind."  Personally, I was eager to tell people early on in my pregnancies, but I certainly understand that some couples may prefer to wait, especially if they've had miscarriages in the past.  There's no "correct" time to announce, IMO.

Edited April 16, 2018 by Portia

[Nysha]

I wish my daughter would have waited 12 weeks. She told me she was pretty sure she was pregnant 3 days after the event, then 2 weeks later when she was late & the stick agreed with her. She's not due until the middle of September but it feels like she's been pregnant forever. She's also breeding like the Duggars. She's 30 and this is her 9th pregnancy, and God-willing, her 7th child. 

Edited April 16, 2018 by Nysha

[MyPeopleAreNordic]

4 hours ago, Ohiopirate02 said:

In my Polish -American family,  the nursery was not set until the baby was born. Most of my cousins have stopped this tradition and have decorated the baby's room while pregnant. 

One side of my family is Polish & Ukrainian and yeah, there are a lot of superstitions like this.

I didn't decorate my first child's nursery until I was almost 8 months pregnant for this reason, and I still worried I was tempting fate/luck by doing it then.  I swear I'm not very superstitious but man, Eastern European family members/traditions somehow get ingrained in us even a couple of generations away from the old country. I even felt a bit guilty for not honoring that tradition/superstition properly.  There aren't many people of Eastern European descent where we live and everyone was so shocked I hadn't done the nursery before well into my 3rd trimester.  

[Jynnan tonnix]

18 minutes ago, MyPeopleAreNordic said:

One side of my family is Polish & Ukrainian and yeah, there are a lot of superstitions like this.

I didn't decorate my first child's nursery until I was almost 8 months pregnant for this reason, and I still worried I was tempting fate/luck by doing it then.  I swear I'm not very superstitious but man, Eastern European family members/traditions somehow get ingrained in us even a couple of generations away from the old country. I even felt a bit guilty for not honoring that tradition/superstition properly.  There aren't many people of Eastern European descent where we live and everyone was so shocked I hadn't done the nursery before well into my 3rd trimester.  

Odd that even though I'm 100% 1st-generation Polish that's not a superstition that I'm really familiar with. I do tend to be just a tiny bit superstitious about it naturally, but not to the point of not doing any preparation until the baby is actually born, home & healthy. I do see waiting out the first trimester at least, but once it appears that there are no apparent problems and everything is progressing as it should, I wouldn't have much of a problem with getting things ready. 

My daughter told us she was pregnant the day after the pee-stick test, but before she actually had a doctor's appointment to confirm, so it was nice that everything went pretty swimmingly - though, as Nysha said, it made for a pretty interminable-seeming pregnancy - especially given that she ended up running 10 days late. She only told us, her in-laws, and one or two close friends that early, though. Everyone else had to wait until after 12 weeks.

[GeeGolly]

23 hours ago, McManda said:

They wouldn't have had to buy a crib. They could have gone to the TTH and borrowed one Michelle was keeping around " just in case".

Probably right next to the boxes of pregnancy tests.

[louannems]

Something was been slightly bothering me since Kendra's wedding day.  It was the morning of her wedding and Kendra was standing at the bathroom sink with her sister.  One of them squealed, Let's get our faces all squeaky clean, or some such nonsense.  And the two of them stood there, at the sink, scrubbing their faces.

Wouldn't Kendra wash her face in the shower?  I hate washing my face at the sink since it's splashy and drippy and messy.  I wash it in the shower every morning.

Am I to assume that Kendra was not going to get in the shower?  On her wedding day? And knowing she's going from side hugs to being very close to Joe very soon!  Just eew!

[heckkitty]

On 4/15/2018 at 3:35 AM, Barb23 said:

That's interesting about the pregnancy odds.  My sister must be a Fertile Myrtle like Mechelle or just lucky - she had her first baby at 37 & 2nd at 42 with no problems conceiving.  It didn't take me long to get pregnant either but then again I was 27.

Reading this thread makes me feel so fortunate.  I had my first at 43, my second at 45, got pregnant very easily & very quickly both times. Had a miscarriage right before that& also got pregnant fast then (I was 42). Good thing I’m not a Duggar, I’d have 25 kids by now. 

[Heathen]

1 hour ago, louannems said:

Something was been slightly bothering me since Kendra's wedding day.  It was the morning of her wedding and Kendra was standing at the bathroom sink with her sister.  One of them squealed, Let's get our faces all squeaky clean, or some such nonsense.  And the two of them stood there, at the sink, scrubbing their faces.

Wouldn't Kendra wash her face in the shower?  I hate washing my face at the sink since it's splashy and drippy and messy.  I wash it in the shower every morning.

Am I to assume that Kendra was not going to get in the shower?  On her wedding day? And knowing she's going from side hugs to being very close to Joe very soon!  Just eew!

It's all staged. Even if it weren't, maybe they were playing around with Kendra's makeup and decided to wash it off and start over. I'm sure even Joy and Jill showered on their wedding days. 

[riverblue22]

8 hours ago, Heathen said:

It's all staged. Even if it weren't, maybe they were playing around with Kendra's makeup and decided to wash it off and start over. I'm sure even Joy and Jill showered on their wedding days. 

Yeah, the producer probably wanted to film the girls doing something together before the wedding.  And showering together in front of a film crew was probably not an option!

[queenanne]

18 hours ago, louannems said:

Something was been slightly bothering me since Kendra's wedding day.  It was the morning of her wedding and Kendra was standing at the bathroom sink with her sister.  One of them squealed, Let's get our faces all squeaky clean, or some such nonsense.  And the two of them stood there, at the sink, scrubbing their faces.

Wouldn't Kendra wash her face in the shower?  I hate washing my face at the sink since it's splashy and drippy and messy.  I wash it in the shower every morning.

Am I to assume that Kendra was not going to get in the shower?  On her wedding day? And knowing she's going from side hugs to being very close to Joe very soon!  Just eew!

I'm with you, I'm like a cat.  I hate having my hairline wet when the rest of it is dry, and wet cuffs when the rest of the shirt is dry - I have to roll them back so that I don't feel the wet quarter-inch, until they dry off - and sometimes wet hair tendrils on my naked neck/shoulders creep me out, I have to run and don a (dry) tee-shirt very quickly.  It goes against my sense of the fitness of things, lol.  I also hate being told to shower when I'm sick with a respiratory illness, even though hilariously I'm usually happy and do feel better after the steam clears the old sinuses out; it's just the contemplation of changing from a dry, warm, and clad state to a naked and wet state that strikes me as an insurmountable mountain.  

[Libby96]

I don't watch the show anymore ( I think the last thing I saw was Spurgie's birth) but I'm here for the discussion/snark.   I must really be missing out, though, if I missed teenaged girls washing their faces!  Scintillating television.

[Sile]

On 4/17/2018 at 10:10 PM, louannems said:

Something was been slightly bothering me since Kendra's wedding day.  It was the morning of her wedding and Kendra was standing at the bathroom sink with her sister.  One of them squealed, Let's get our faces all squeaky clean, or some such nonsense.  And the two of them stood there, at the sink, scrubbing their faces.

Wouldn't Kendra wash her face in the shower?  I hate washing my face at the sink since it's splashy and drippy and messy.  I wash it in the shower every morning.

Am I to assume that Kendra was not going to get in the shower?  On her wedding day? And knowing she's going from side hugs to being very close to Joe very soon!  Just eew!

I recently read an article that said you shouldn't wash your face in the shower because you tend to have the shower water at a hotter temp and it's drying to the skin.  That said, I wash my face in the shower unless for some reason I don't have time and have to settle for a quick whore's bath.

It also could be that Kendra showers at night.  One of the reasons I shower at night is because it relaxes me for bed, but also because I have really long hair and it takes too long to dry in the morning.  The hair thing could be true for Kendra as well.

[lookeyloo]

And remember this is a scripted reality show. Not a documentary. It is staged and edited.  

[nittanyvolleyball]

When I went for a mini facial at Sephora, the lady told me not to wash my face in the shower because the water is way too hot for my already dry skin. Washing your face with lukewarm water is much better.

[Christina87]

On 4/18/2018 at 1:23 AM, heckkitty said:

Reading this thread makes me feel so fortunate.  I had my first at 43, my second at 45, got pregnant very easily & very quickly both times. Had a miscarriage right before that& also got pregnant fast then (I was 42). Good thing I’m not a Duggar, I’d have 25 kids by now. 

Ok, you are my hero! I'm 30, and broke up with my boyfriend right around my birthday. Hoping I will be able to have a family, but I think there is more time than it feels like. 

At least anything is better than having kids with Smuggar. ?

[Catfin]

On 4/19/2018 at 5:07 PM, Christina87 said:

Ok, you are my hero! I'm 30, and broke up with my boyfriend right around my birthday. Hoping I will be able to have a family, but I think there is more time than it feels like. 

At least anything is better than having kids with Smuggar. ?

❤️ First at 34, 2nd at 34. 

[zoomama]

20 hours ago, Catfin said:

❤️ First at 34, 2nd at 34. 

that is a good trick!!!!

[Catfin]

2 minutes ago, zoomama said:

that is a good trick!!!!

Oops! I meant 2nd at 37! 37!

[Lady Edith]

10 minutes ago, Catfin said:

Oops! I meant 2nd at 37! 37!

I just thought you had twins.  Would’ve been a cute way to say that lol!

[crazycatlady58]

Or had one Jan.1 and the other  Dec 30.

[Christina87]

17 minutes ago, crazycatlady58 said:

Or had one Jan.1 and the other  Dec 30.

Now that would seriously be cool lol. I've always wanted to have twins that were born a few minutes apart on New Year's Eve, so they could be born in different years!

[MyPeopleAreNordic]

My mom had me (her first and only) at 39 (with zero medical intervention to get pregnant).

I had to text her to tell her how exceptional (and awesome, as there weren't as many women having their first babies near age 40 when I was born 35 years ago) she is when I saw those facts.  :)

Edited April 23, 2018 by MyPeopleAreNordic

[lookeyloo]

Nobody ever said later in life pregnancies were impossible, just less likely. 

[GeeGolly]

About 45ish years ago I had an aunt who gave birth at age 40. It what rather scandalous back then. Thank goodness times change. In my generation most had kids in their 20s. My kids generation seem to be popping them out in their 30s. I think any age has pros and cons, but starting in the teens is too young for most.

[Trillium]

31 minutes ago, GeeGolly said:

About 45ish years ago I had an aunt who gave birth at age 40. It what rather scandalous back then. Thank goodness times change. In my generation most had kids in their 20s. My kids generation seem to be popping them out in their 30s. I think any age has pros and cons, but starting in the teens is too young for most.

My grandma had her last child in her 40’s and my mom was 17 and had to do the grocery shopping once my grandma started showing because at that time it was very embarrassing apparently for someone that age to be pregnant. Now no one would give it a second thought. 

[Portia]

I'm 53, and my mom had me at 39. It was definitely unusual in our community in the 1960s, but if anyone ever tried to tell her it was scandalous to be pregnant just shy of 40,  I imagine she told them where to get off in the most cheerful, most Christian way possible. She was a sassy gal!  She and dad wanted 8 kids but, due to a late start and multiple miscarriages, got "only" 4. I was lucky to grow up feeling very loved and wanted. And I always admired how she'd take it in stride if people assumed I was her granddaughter.

I'm guessing that throughout history men have rarely been shamed for fathering children at an advanced age.

[Temperance]

I've never heard of anyone shaming women for being older when they had kids. I've known a lot of women who've wanted late in life children and older age limited their fertility. And I know a lot of people who are concerned about over-population (which is somewhat reasonable). I've never heard anyone say anything about a married woman having a late-in-life child, besides concern about health risks and big families, etc. 

My mom was an "older" mom and people assumed she was younger, but I never anything judgmental about it. 

[Jynnan tonnix]

1 hour ago, Portia said:

I'm 53, and my mom had me at 39. It was definitely unusual in our community in the 1960s, but if anyone ever tried to tell her it was scandalous to be pregnant just shy of 40,  I imagine she told them where to get off in the most cheerful, most Christian way possible. She was a sassy gal!  She and dad wanted 8 kids but, due to a late start and multiple miscarriages, got "only" 4. I was lucky to grow up feeling very loved and wanted. And I always admired how she'd take it in stride if people assumed I was her granddaughter.

I'm guessing that throughout history men have rarely been shamed for fathering children at an advanced age.

My mom was just saying last week, as part of a conversation spurred by my daughter and her new baby being over for brunch, that one of my aunts (on my father's side) went through quite a lot of grief when she got pregnant with her fifth child (a bit of an "oops" baby) not only from some of her peers, but from my cousin, her oldest child, who  was about 15 at the time and thought it scandalous that an "old lady" like her mother would think to get pregnant at that age (39-ish?). While it was probably a bit on the older side as far as babies from her own generation were concerned, I suspect my cousin was most scandalized by the definitive proof that her parents were, indeed, still having sex at their advanced ages lol.

[Fostersmom]

My mom will be 59 next month, my grandparents would have 97 and 98 this year, and she was the only kid they purposely had. My grandfather got drafted for WWII, they got married that day. Grandma got pregnant right away, much to the disdain of my great-grandma (in her defense they got married, and then each of them went home and told their parents he was drafted, they got married, and he was moving in to her parents house with her until he shipped out). He didn't see my aunt until she was 3 since he was away at war. Their next child was born a few years after, when he came home, and they planned on being done. Oops, then my uncle was born. Since there was like 14 years between the oldest and youngest, they decided to have one more since they wanted my uncle to have a sibling close in age. I'm sure tongues were wagging since there is 17 years between my aunt and my mom. Even now, people would be questioning that kind of age gap. Granted it would be in a why kind of way, but there would still be questions. 

[queenanne]

4 hours ago, Portia said:

I'm 53, and my mom had me at 39. It was definitely unusual in our community in the 1960s, but if anyone ever tried to tell her it was scandalous to be pregnant just shy of 40,  I imagine she told them where to get off in the most cheerful, most Christian way possible. She was a sassy gal!  She and dad wanted 8 kids but, due to a late start and multiple miscarriages, got "only" 4. I was lucky to grow up feeling very loved and wanted. And I always admired how she'd take it in stride if people assumed I was her granddaughter.

I'm guessing that throughout history men have rarely been shamed for fathering children at an advanced age.

Your mom sounds terrific!  But I don't think we should rule out the fact that while they may not have been "shamed" per se, I bet a lot of the men fathering children at an advanced age, have also been assumed to be the grandfather and called such by strangers, which is in and of itself a type of shaming.

[Jynnan tonnix]

2 hours ago, Fostersmom said:

My mom will be 59 next month, my grandparents would have 97 and 98 this year, and she was the only kid they purposely had. My grandfather got drafted for WWII, they got married that day. Grandma got pregnant right away, much to the disdain of my great-grandma (in her defense they got married, and then each of them went home and told their parents he was drafted, they got married, and he was moving in to her parents house with her until he shipped out). He didn't see my aunt until she was 3 since he was away at war. Their next child was born a few years after, when he came home, and they planned on being done. Oops, then my uncle was born. Since there was like 14 years between the oldest and youngest, they decided to have one more since they wanted my uncle to have a sibling close in age. I'm sure tongues were wagging since there is 17 years between my aunt and my mom. Even now, people would be questioning that kind of age gap. Granted it would be in a why kind of way, but there would still be questions. 

I had a great-uncle (and aunt) who had one "honeymoon" baby, then nothing until a second son was born 21 years later. As far as I know they had always hoped for more children after the first, but it just didn't seem to be happening. I have no idea whether there were miscarriages in the interim or what, but they had totally given up hope by the time the second baby was conceived. Both boys looked quite a bit like their father, though, so there was no suspicion of hanky-panky!

[Ocean Chick]

My grandma had her first at age 19 or so and her last (10th child) 21 years later, so would have been around 40. She and grandpa obviously enjoyed marital relations. 

[Heathen]

48 minutes ago, Ocean Chick said:

My grandma had her first at age 19 or so and her last (10th child) 21 years later, so would have been around 40. She and grandpa obviously enjoyed marital relations. 

My great-grandmother married when she had just turned sixteen (great-grandfather was 26). She had her first child almost exactly a year later, and her thirteenth and last child 27 years, nine months after that. She had grandchildren in elementary school by the time her youngest was born. 

Back to topic: It isn't that uncommon for big families to be widely spread out. 

[MyPeopleAreNordic]

19 hours ago, Temperance said:

I've never heard of anyone shaming women for being older when they had kids. I've known a lot of women who've wanted late in life children and older age limited their fertility. And I know a lot of people who are concerned about over-population (which is somewhat reasonable). I've never heard anyone say anything about a married woman having a late-in-life child, besides concern about health risks and big families, etc. 

My mom was an "older" mom and people assumed she was younger, but I never anything judgmental about it. 

I think this may have to do with class and location, TBH. 

I was born in the early 1980s.  My mom was the oldest mom among the mothers of my classmates and the same age as (or even a year or two older than) most of my friends' grandmas.  However, I grew up in a working-class/lower-middle class suburb in the South.  The vast majority of the parents of kids I grew up with didn't go to college and they lived around the block/down the street from their grandparents, aunts, uncles, etc.  Their parents married in their late teens and and babies (or married because they were pregnant). 

Today, many friends I have from where I grew up (who mostly had their kids in their 20s, or at least their first kid), act like if you wait until you're over 35 to have a kid, you may as well just hang it up and not ever have kids (and should actively prevent having kids once your 35th birthday passes).  It's like they think after 35 that your eggs completely go sour, you're doing a disservice to your child because you'll be so old/tired (Ha! Show me a mom of any age who isn't tired), and other weird ideas that I don't understand.  But in many working class areas in the South, I've seen lots of older-mom shaming, almost as if it's selfish to have a child once you're over 35 because the baby may have health issues or you may be too tired to be an active mother.

In more affluent, educated areas where I've lived (also in the South, but in more urban areas) my friends with graduate/professional degrees see having babies before 30 as somewhat shameful & weird ("Wouldn't you want to enjoy your 20s and have an entire "me decade" so you don't resent your kid?") even if you've finished your education & are financially stable ("Because think of all the traveling, exercising, meditation, leisure classes, partying, etc you can do for you without kids! You'll take it out on your kid when you see everyone else your age traveling to Europe and doing competitive karaoke and you're home with the kid!") They may start fixating on having babies mid-30s because of health risks to "older" mothers' babies, but it's certainly not such an anxiety-inducing thought as it seems to be with my friends from where I grew up. (I do wonder if that's because many of my better educated, urban, liberal friends would be more inclined to have an abortion if the baby had a major health issue - compared to the largely conservative people I grew up around - or because they'd be better equipped as far as access to resources to deal with a child with disabilities. )  And none of them talk about being afraid of not being able to be an active, involved mom if they have a baby at 38 compared to 28. (I also wonder if that's because these women have time, money, etc to have kept themselves/keep themselves healthy & active in a way many of the working class women I grew up with aren't able to because they don't have free time or money for Pilates, Whole Foods, babysitters while mom attends her running group, etc, PLUS money to pay house cleaning services/laundry drop-off services/buy take-out food/etc, which let's face it, make a mother's life easier & less tiresome at any age).  Most of the women I know from academic/career/graduate school circles are also openly non-religious or if they are religious, are very secular & very private about their religion.  Very few of the women I grew up with who still live in that working class suburb (as most of them grew up to do) would ever dream of openly admiring they're non-religious (even if they hardly go to church) and "Christian" is a major part of their identities. 

Now days in the suburb where I grew up, Kendra would be considered a few years too young to have her first baby (even though most of my friends' moms had them around Kendra's age...there has been some progression in the acceptable age for first babies to at least a little older than Kendra).  Anna (pretending she's childless for a moment), at her current age, would be entering that "you better stop being so selfish and have a baby now if you want kids" age if she was childless. Among my friends who work in academia and who have graduate degrees, Kendra would be considered FAR too young to have a baby. Anna's age now (pretending again she's childless) would be considered an okay time to start thinking about babies, with the caveat that she'd have a decade or more to get to it, so no real rush yet.  

TL;DR- Mom shaming - over anything and everything-  exists everywhere and in some places part of mom-shaming culture is being too old or too young when one becomes a mom, even in 2018.  Sorry for the tangent. :)

There's a lot of diversity among different class groups, religions, geographical areas, education levels, cultures, etc still today in the US about the right age for having kids.  While it's definitely MUCH more accepted in general in our society for women to have babies in their late 30s/early 40s & generally less accepted for women to purposely have babies in their late teens, there's still plenty of places in the US where one (or both) of those things are weird. And it seems no matter where you live, you're bound to run into at least one jerk with no home training who will openly confirm the shaming you think you've being feeling from the people around you by telling you you're too old/too young/too whatever as a mom. 

Edited May 7, 2018 by MyPeopleAreNordic

[yogi2014L]

7 minutes ago, MyPeopleAreNordic said:

I think this may have to do with class and location, TBH. 

I was born in the early 1980s.  My mom was the oldest mom among the mothers of my classmates and the same age as (or even a year or two older than) most of my friends' grandmas.  However, I grew up in a working-class/lower-middle class suburb in the South.  The vast majority of the parents of kids I grew up with didn't go to college and they lived around the block/down the street from their grandparents, aunts, uncles, etc.  Their parents married in their late teens and and babies (or married because they were pregnant). 

Today, many friends I have from where I grew up (who mostly had their kids in their 20s, or at least their first kid), act like if you wait until you're over 35 to have a kid, you may as well just hang it up and not ever have kids (and should actively prevent having kids once your 35th birthday passes).  It's like they think after 35 that your eggs completely go sour, you're doing a disservice to your child because you'll be so old/tired (Ha! Show me a mom of any age who isn't tired), and other weird ideas that I don't understand.  But in many working class areas in the South, I've seen lots of older-mom shaming, almost as if it's selfish to have a child once you're over 35 because the baby may have health issues or you may be too tired to be an active mother.

In more affluent, educated areas where I've lived (also in the South, but in more urban areas) my friends with graduate/professional degrees see having babies before 30 as somewhat shameful & weird ("Wouldn't you want to enjoy your 20s and have an entire "me decade" so you don't resent your kid?") even if you've finished your education & are financially stable ("Because think of all the traveling, exercising, meditation, leisure classes, partying, etc you can do for you without kids!") They may start fixating on having babies mid-30s because of health risks to "older" mothers' babies, but it's certainly not such an anxiety-inducing thought as it seems to be with my friends from where I grew up. (I do wonder if that's because many of my better educated, urban, liberal friends would be more inclined to have an abortion if the baby had a major health issue - compared to the largely conservative people I grew up around - or because they'd be better equipped as far as access to resources to deal with a child with disabilities. )  And none of them talk about being afraid of not being able to be an active, involved mom if they have a baby at 38 compared to 28. (I also wonder if that's because these women have time, money, etc to have kept themselves/keep themselves healthy & active in a way many of the working class women I grew up with aren't able to because they don't have free time or money for Pilates, Whole Foods, babysitters while mom attends her running group, etc).  Most of the women I know from academic/career/graduate school circles are also openly non-religious or if they are religious, are very secular & very private about their religion.  Very few of the women I grew up with who still live in that working class suburb (as most of them grew up to do) would ever dream of openly admiring they're non-religious (even if they hardly go to church) and "Christian" is a major part of their identities. 

Where I grew up, Kendra would be considered a few years too young to have her first baby.  Anna (pretending she's childless for a moment), at her current age, would be entering that "you better stop being so selfish and have a baby now if you want kids" age if she was childless. Among my friends who work in academia and who have graduate degrees, Kendra would be considered FAR too young to have a baby. Anna's age now (pretending again she's childless) would be considered an okay time to start thinking about babies, with the caveat that she'd have a decade or more to get to it, so no real rush yet.  

TL;DR- Mom shaming - over anything and everything-  exists everywhere and in some places part of mom-shaming culture is being too old or too young when one becomes a mom, even in 2018.  Sorry for the tangent. :)

There's a lot of diversity among different class groups, cultures, geographical areas, etc still today in the US about the right age for having kids.  While it's definitely MUCH more accepted in general in our society for women to have babies in their late 30s/early 40s & generally less accepted for women to purposely have babies in their late teens, there's still plenty of places in the US where one (or both) of those things are weird. 

ITA. Every Duggar girl in my area ( Ironically the old Gothard stomping grounds- west burbs of Chicago)  would be an anomaly for purposefully getting pregnant so young. Out of all the parents/ family ect in my social circles I know I only know 3 ladies who had babies prior to age 25 and they were absolutely accidents. 

[xwordfanatik]

I had my only child at almost 29.  All of my in-laws and my only sibling had kids before we did.  Mr. Xword and I took the time to be a couple (10+years), buy a house, and have good jobs before we procreated.  

In my small city, I was considered an older mom.  I lived in a large city before I was married, and no doubt, would have been "the right age" had we lived there.

[Ohiopirate02]

My mother had my older brother and I pretty young .  She was 22 when she had me.  Growing up in the suburbs of Cleveland,  she was one of the youngest mothers in my class.  She had my sister at 30 and my little brother at 32.  When we moved to North Carolina,  she was one of the oldest mothers at their school.   Both of these were Catholic schools.  Things have changed down here, and now parents are older down here.

[PradaKitty]

I was born in the 1950s- my mother was forty and I was her first (and only) child.  Not typical for the time., but before marrying and having me she had travelled worldwide and held lots of interesting jobs. She was ready to settle down as a stay at home mom for a few years. (She returned to her career once I was in high school.)

[RedheadZombie]

On ‎5‎/‎6‎/‎2018 at 7:53 PM, Portia said:

I'm 53, and my mom had me at 39. It was definitely unusual in our community in the 1960s, but if anyone ever tried to tell her it was scandalous to be pregnant just shy of 40,  I imagine she told them where to get off in the most cheerful, most Christian way possible. She was a sassy gal!  She and dad wanted 8 kids but, due to a late start and multiple miscarriages, got "only" 4. I was lucky to grow up feeling very loved and wanted. And I always admired how she'd take it in stride if people assumed I was her granddaughter.

I'm guessing that throughout history men have rarely been shamed for fathering children at an advanced age.

Now that paternal age is being linked to things like autism, I wonder if that will change.

[RedheadZombie]

20 hours ago, queenanne said:

Your mom sounds terrific!  But I don't think we should rule out the fact that while they may not have been "shamed" per se, I bet a lot of the men fathering children at an advanced age, have also been assumed to be the grandfather and called such by strangers, which is in and of itself a type of shaming.

My childhood friend had her second child at 42 and when she was at the bank with her baby, the teller mistook her for the baby's grandmother.  She was pissed!

[babyhouseman]

My father's mother had him at 28 and his sister at 40. He was born in 1948 and she in 1960. My grandfather was a year older than her. My grandparents farmed. I often wondered what the situation was. My grandmother never said. She didn't like to talk about personal stuff like that. 

[GeeGolly]

Is it near baby birthing time yet?

[Sew Sumi]

She's due 6/17.

[GeeGolly]

2 minutes ago, Sew Sumi said:

She's due 6/17.

I hope she goes early or their child inherits a recessive head-size gene.

[Sew Sumi]

I hope she goes early, too. My birthday is the 19th. ?

[DragonFaerie]

I hope she goes early.  Goes directly to the hospital - none of this 70 hour labor shit with a piss for brains midwife that can't tell the baby is breech.  Allows her mum and Joe in the delivery room and none of the other Duggars, and that she and the baby have a super easy labor and are healthy with speedy recoveries.  That being said.  I really, really hope she doesn't do something like deliver on Father's Day.  Although I'd be tickled pink if she delivered on the Summer Solstice  :-)

Edited May 19, 2018 by DragonFaerie