Jill, Derick & the Kids: Moving On!!

[crazy8s]

1 hour ago, GeeGolly said:

I'm one of four kids, born within 6 years and on our scheduled baths nights my mom bathed at least two of us and sometimes the four of us in the same bath water after we had grown too old to share a bath. And she, too, started with the cleanest kid. This was also before my parents redid the bathroom and replaced our old claw foot tub with a shower/tub.

With that said, we washed up in between bath nights and were also bathed, individually, 'as needed'.

Honestly, I think my mom did it that way to keep her sanity.

this was my experience as well. we always had a bath on Saturday night and girls got pin curls or curlers put in to sleep in to be ready for church on sunday. but only the 2 girls or the 2 boys together, no mixing and whoever was dirtiest went last so as not to "ruin the water"

in my family it was mostly due to a mom with a rigid time frame, who wrote out a daily schedule in 10min intervals the entire time i lived in her home. it was a control thing. everyone had to stay on the schedule. the time to drain the tub and refill took too long for her schedule to have us in bed by 7pm.

I can see the duggar bath thing being both for convenience and control. seriously I surely would have thrown several howlers in the tub together when they were little. but I also would put money on it was a sister mom expected to get some amount of kids through bathing in a certain amount of time so the next sister mom could get her group in and out on time. all while being frugal

 

[Growsonwalls]

Think a couple things get in the way of Jill making actual friends:

1) Lack of education. Even among fundie circles where many people might have been home-schooled it seems as if Duggar kids got a very rudimentary education, to put it kindly. After awhile "sweet friends" might notice that Jill just doesn't have much to say. 

2) Duggar family habits - the freeloading, the entitlement. Those qualities wear thin on any circle of friends quickly.

3) The fact that they only want to associate with other fundies. Jill might feel inadequate when she sees so-and-so's homeschooled kid is already winning spelling bee competitions or someone else has the perfect curtains. In a society where keeping the home and hearth are considered paramount Jill might feel inadequate when she realizes that she has no particular talent in keeping a home and hearth.

4) Derick? Hate to think it but he seems to have a rather abrasive, argumentative personality. Appropriate for law school but inappropriate for a Fellowship of the Sweet Friends church social.

[MargeGunderson]

I think making real friends (not just the random sweet friends they see once a year) outside of the family is an unfamiliar concept to them. They aren’t encouraged to have friends other than their parents and siblings, and once they get married of course their best friend is their spouse. I doubt any of them have a clue what a friendship looks like.

[JustRosie]

Too bad the only way to escape the the TTH is to get married or run for public office. The adult Duggar kids would benefit so much from simply living life on the outside as a single adult. It’s sad. 😞 

[Jynnan tonnix]

10 hours ago, Absolom said:

Out of all the older daughters from large families I have known personally, here known as sister moms, they have had at the most two children.  Several had one or none.  They ALL had the scars you speak about from giving up their own childhoods to raise the family.  Most of them say they've had their fill of diapers, toilet training, tons of laundry, etc.  The only one I know who had two kids came from a smaller size large family and waited until she was in her mid to late 30s to have children.  As you say giving her time to heal and deal with the past.  

I'm glad to see that for whatever reason Jill and Derrick aren't having a baby a year and don't appear to even consider doing that.  I think Derrick has brought in some form of birth control just as I've said that Jeremy would since even before that wedding.  I think Derrick was shell shocked by just how quickly Jill conceived and if he had it to do over they would have waited a couple of years to start a family.  I don't think either Derrick or Jill has what it takes to raise more than three children and that's pushing it.  Perhaps one or both of them have recognized that currently they're maxed out at two and will not have any more.  Jill was not prepared for life and that seems her most crushing burden.  While she could physically feed, clothe, and semi-regularly bathe several children, she doesn't have the skills to live on her own, know what the children need developmentally, or what she needs to have the children experience and learn to grow up to be mature human beings.

I don't really know many people from large families well enough to really keep track of what they did as far as having their own families, but Mr Jyn is the oldest of 7 kids born over ten years, and had a lot of responsibility in raising his younger siblings. Especially after his youngest brother was born with brittle bone disease. His father was working three jobs to make ends meet, and his mother was so often at the hospital with the youngest, that it fell to him to fill in that parental role since he was quite young. The only girl in the family is right in the middle, so even if his parents might have been prone to giving that responsibility to a girl, she was too young. 

I am an only child, so have little scope to even imagine what Mr Jyn's life was like growing up. I had always pictured having a lot of kids, as the couple of friends I had from large families seemed, in my young eyes, to have these idyllic childhoods where they got to do whatever they wanted much of the time, and it was not unusual to phone them and have the parents not be sure whether or not they were even home!

In any event, Mr Jyn was perfectly happy with two kids, especially since we had a boy and a girl. But we sort of compromised on three. And, frankly, in retrospect, I'm glad we didn't have the six or seven that I'd always pictured. I suspect Jill might feel about the same. She may have another one a little bit down the road, but I don't see it being more.

[awaken]

10 hours ago, Madtown said:

I was going to say the same thing.

I noticed Jill responded to a comment that must've asked about her hair. She said she washes it once a week and dry shampoos it the other days.

Ew. 

[MsJamieDornan]

12 hours ago, galaxychaser said:

Oof just as I thought Jill’s hair stinks. Let’s hope she washes her pits and privates more than once a week.

No need, she just uses more lotion.

[GeeGolly]

11 hours ago, Growsonwalls said:

Think a couple things get in the way of Jill making actual friends:

1) Lack of education. Even among fundie circles where many people might have been home-schooled it seems as if Duggar kids got a very rudimentary education, to put it kindly. After awhile "sweet friends" might notice that Jill just doesn't have much to say. 

2) Duggar family habits - the freeloading, the entitlement. Those qualities wear thin on any circle of friends quickly.

3) The fact that they only want to associate with other fundies. Jill might feel inadequate when she sees so-and-so's homeschooled kid is already winning spelling bee competitions or someone else has the perfect curtains. In a society where keeping the home and hearth are considered paramount Jill might feel inadequate when she realizes that she has no particular talent in keeping a home and hearth.

4) Derick? Hate to think it but he seems to have a rather abrasive, argumentative personality. Appropriate for law school but inappropriate for a Fellowship of the Sweet Friends church social.

I also think the Duggars lack the emotional intelligence to form true friendships - within or outside of their family.

Edited December 20, 2019 by GeeGolly

[Spencer Hastings]

It’s difficult to form and maintain friendships as an adult, even when you’ve had a lifetime of experience and socialization with other people.  The Duggars kids were doomed the minute JB and Michelle went off the deep end. 

[lookeyloo]

15 hours ago, GeeGolly said:

I think they said half the kids bathed/showered at night and the other half bathed/showered in the morning due to hot water issues. And yes they did reuse the bath water, but not for the entire bunch.

I'm one of four kids, born within 6 years and on our scheduled baths nights my mom bathed at least two of us and sometimes the four of us in the same bath water after we had grown too old to share a bath. And she, too, started with the cleanest kid. This was also before my parents redid the bathroom and replaced our old claw foot tub with a shower/tub.

With that said, we washed up in between bath nights and were also bathed, individually, 'as needed'.

Honestly, I think my mom did it that way to keep her sanity.

I am very old. I took a bath with my 4 year younger brother until the day I said no more. Then he took a bath with the baby brother, 4 years younger until older said no more. My sons are 21 months apart And they took a bath together. Also when I was growing up in NJ in the olden days no one I knew bathed every day.  Maybe in the summer but if we were in a pool we skipped baths.  This was not unusual.  we were not poor, but very low middle class.  I think in summer my parents showered mostly every day.  I have a lot of cousins and had friends of sorts and none of this was unusual back then.  So I am not squeed out by the bath water thing unless there is obvious “misery” in the water  

 

[Fig Newton]

10 hours ago, awaken said:

Ew. 

In regards to washing hair once a week, charge me as guilty.

I have thick, coarse, unruly hair. The natural oils are needed to provide some health to my hair. Every other day, I wet it and condition it like nobody's business. Shampoo is involved one time per week. Many experts say that shampooing daily is not good for your hair. Sulfates, lather is the devil.  At least Jill uses dry shampoo. I can fault her for many, many things. But not washing her hair daily is not one of them.

 

 

[Growsonwalls]

Jill just chopped off about 10 inches of hair. 

[fonfereksglen]

10 minutes ago, Growsonwalls said:

Jill just chopped off about 10 inches of hair. 

Is she going to go all Britney next?

[Whyyouneedaname]

Jill's haircut looks good! she said she got 14" cut off, maybe Jessa will take note, this looks so much healthier. 

Edited December 20, 2019 by Whyyouneedaname
add info

[DangerousMinds]

17 minutes ago, Fig Newton said:

In regards to washing hair once a week, charge me as guilty.

I have thick, coarse, unruly hair. The natural oils are needed to provide some health to my hair. Every other day, I wet it and condition it like nobody's business. Shampoo is involved one time per week. Many experts say that shampooing daily is not good for your hair. Sulfates, lather is the devil.  At least Jill uses dry shampoo. I can fault her for many, many things. But not washing her hair daily is not one of them.

 

 

Same, I only wash my hair about twice a week.

[JustRosie]

8 minutes ago, Whyyouneedaname said:

Jill's haircut looks good! she said she got 14" cut off, maybe Jessa will take note, this looks so much healthier. 

Nice!  It looks healthy and flatters her. The sisters should definitely take note. 

[jukie]

Well this is where the phrase 'don't throw the baby out with the bath water comes from'.... I am not sure if the story is correct but we were always told when growing up that a family bathed once a week, the man of the house got the first go, and on it went through the family to the baby, and the water was so dirty....

I grew up youngest of six, and although I didnt share baths with my siblings due to age gaps I did share with my cousins, and family albums are full of 2,3 ,4 plus children all in the bath together.  

I love a hot steaming bath, (I am guilty of fainting in my younger days when I got out as the cold air was such a contrast to the hot water in the bath) I will have a shower to cleaning myself and then I have a bath to relax and unwind....and since I have normally used all the hot water Mr Jukie has been known to get after me as the water is still so hot 🙂

[galaxychaser]

Aaww she reads these boards. I think she looks nice.

[Whyyouneedaname]

Wow, I didn't realize how over powering and ratty her hair looked. It didn't look healthy at all, she looks so much better. Yes I took one for the team lol. 

[Mya]

Wow she looks great!!  What a difference. Good for her I must say.

[Barb23]

14 minutes ago, Whyyouneedaname said:

Jill's haircut looks good! she said she got 14" cut off, maybe Jessa will take note, this looks so much healthier. 

Wow, she looks great.  She was probably 6 years old the last time her hair was that short.

OK Jessa, you're next.

[Jynnan tonnix]

So much better!! I'm actually surprised that she took that much off. I figured that when she did, she'd only be brave enough to take a few inches off the bottom. She looks so happy with it, as well! I'm glad to see that.

[JustRosie]

4 minutes ago, Whyyouneedaname said:

Wow, I didn't realize how over powering and ratty her hair looked. It didn't look healthy at all, she looks so much better. Yes I took one for the team lol. 

This is what I was suggesting for Jinger too. Take several inches off, cut some face framing into it and embrace her natural colour. Far more flattering!

[dariafan]

It looks good on her and she wasn’t struck

down !  Reminds me I need a haircut  myself 

[Lisa418722]

Great haircut, Jill (if you are reading this).  It looks fantastic and so much healthier. 
When I saw Jill got her hair cut, I was afraid it was going to be a trim like Jinger when she got her hair colored, but this is a real cut. 

[lascuba]

Well, damn. Go Jill! She looks really good. The cut makes her automatically  look less awkward.

I've never felt so complimentary towards Jill. I need a moment.

[BradandJanet]

Jill has a long face and the heavy length of hair made it look even longer. This cut is flattering because it gives her some fullness. It also looks healthier and easier to take care of. I wonder what caused her to take this non-JB/ME-approved action. 

[Absolom]

I'm very surprised, but thrilled.  I hope her sisters take note.  She looks immensely better without that hair dragging her down.  I hope she feels lighter and free and gets no bad feedback from her family.

[tabloidlover]

She’s going a step further and  wants to donate her hair to either children or chemo patients.   She asks for recommendations in her instastory.

[cdp73]

This haircut makes her look younger, more energetic and less weighed-down.  I like the way it's styled in the picture with the red shirt.  I bet she feels about 10 pounds lighter with it gone.

 

[galaxygirl76]

She looks really good, it's a very flattering haircut. I'm shocked she took that much off but it looks great so good for her. 

[doodlebug]

12 minutes ago, galaxygirl76 said:

She looks really good, it's a very flattering haircut. I'm shocked she took that much off but it looks great so good for her. 

She does look terrific, glad she not only got it cut, but found a good stylist to do it right.  It looks to be a very versatile and easy to manage style and she looks so much prettier with her shiny, face framing locks.

And, good for her, donating her hair.

[Fig Newton]

Yay, Jill.

YAY!

Do you like it? Do you love it? Yay.

She looks lovely. Amazing what a good haircut can do. Good thing I have my appointment for a cut today!!

[gonecrackers]

I was just thinking it's probably too long & she just can't deal with it, then the posts about the haircut. It really looks great - seems she changed the color? It looks a bit richer - very nice.

Fake fried Jinger should take note of what healthy hair looks like.

Hope no one gives Jill crap about cutting it - she's still got a ton of crown & glory going on there. 

Definitely seems like another step into independence for her. Unless Derek was behind it- it still looks better, but I really hope it was her idea or that she loves it so much it's now her idea as well.

ETA: Maybe the lotion wasn't cutting it anymore so Derek wanted her to cut the smelly mop top.

Edited December 20, 2019 by gonecrackers

[Madtown]

FINALLY!
She looks sooooooo much better and younger! Never in a million years did I think she would be the first to go shorter. I don't know how she walked around with all that hair. Now let's hope that she washes more than once a week!  Now Jinger and Jessa need to be next. I can see Jinger, but I don't think Jessa will ever cut her mop.

Looks like from his comment that #besthubbyever loves it too.

I hope she looks at that before picture and sees how horrible that hair was and NEVER goes back!

[lookeyloo]

Do y'all think we got into the super cleanliness because of advertising, more than the Prell ad in a woman's magazine?  Now with the inter webs, social media, more Tv choices, etc.  more commercials, pushing all that product and how we can't be good unless we do and use all that, all the time?  Marketing.  More sales.  Now there is a push against the antimicrobial soaps, as being not good.  Isn't there such a thing as being "too clean"?  PS I always wash my hands very well after the potty and  before touching any food.  With soap and water.  

Jill looks lovely with her new hairdo.  Maybe she can translate looking lovely into feeling good and stepping out even more.

[Growsonwalls]

I agree she looks great. Its still long enough that shs can pull it back for a ponytail but it's not so oppressively long. Meechelle definitely wont approve so good for Jill! 

[BitterApple]

1 hour ago, Whyyouneedaname said:

Jill's haircut looks good! she said she got 14" cut off, maybe Jessa will take note, this looks so much healthier. 

Holy crap, she looks amazing. Her hair looks so much fuller and more healthy.

Edited December 20, 2019 by BitterApple

[ginger90]

The blog entry:

 

I Got My Hair Chopped Off

Dec 20, 2019 | Family Blog, Photos | 105 

So…I usually get my hair trimmed twice a year and it was getting to be that time of year. I wanted to get a little more cut off than I did last time and wanted to get it done soon because it was getting to be hard to manage, the boys were getting tangled in it, I was sitting on it and the weight was contributing to headaches! I got to thinking about it and got excited thinking that if I got a little bit more taken off then I’d have enough to donate to an organization that makes free wigs for people who have lost their hair. 

The friend who used to cut my hair moved away, so I spent some time looking up reviews for salons in the area we live in now and found one I thought I liked with good reviews (B. Lush if you’re from this area). I messaged them and they were able to get me in that evening (thanks Nikki)! 

When looking at different organizations to donate to, most require 8-12 inches. I ended up getting about 14 inches (some layers in there too) cut off, plus whatever was cut off additionally after that to even things up and add some layers. I love it and it felt so much lighter right away! It had gotten so hard to manage that I was wearing it up most of the time, so I’m looking forward to being able to wear it down more now! 

I’d like to donate my hair to be used in a wig for kids or people who have lost their hair, like my mother-in-law when she was battling cancer over five years ago. I’ve seen that there are several organizations who take hair donations and make wigs free of charge for people who have lost their hair and I look forward to donating mine to one of these…I just don’t know which one yet! 

If you have any helpful suggestions or recommendations for organizations to donate to please drop them in the comments section below! Or if you’ve donated in the past, or been a recipient of a gifted wig, I’d love to hear your thoughts! I’ve heard it takes anywhere from 12-20 donations (depends on the organization and the people donating) to make one wig! That’s a lot of love and teamwork! 

Fun fact: I didn’t have my hair trimmed for the first time until I was about 14 years old and haven’t had more than 4-6 inches taken off until this week.

[Ohiopirate02]

24 minutes ago, gonecrackers said:

I was just thinking it's probably too long & she just can't deal with it, then the posts about the haircut. It really looks great - seems she changed the color? It looks a bit richer - very nice.

Fake fried Jinger should take note of what healthy hair looks like.

Hope no one gives Jill crap about cutting it - she's still got a ton of crown & glory going on there. 

Definitely seems like another step into independence for her. Unless Derek was behind it- it still looks better, but I really hope it was her idea or that she loves it so much it's now her idea as well.

ETA: Maybe the lotion wasn't cutting it anymore so Derek wanted her to cut the smelly mop top.

I don't think she colored her hair.  It looks different because a) it's freshly washed b) it's shorter and the light hits it differently

6 minutes ago, lookeyloo said:

Do y'all think we got into the super cleanliness because of advertising, more than the Prell ad in a woman's magazine?  Now with the inter webs, social media, more Tv choices, etc.  more commercials, pushing all that product and how we can't be good unless we do and use all that, all the time?  Marketing.  More sales.  Now there is a push against the antimicrobial soaps, as being not good.  Isn't there such a thing as being "too clean"?  PS I always wash my hands very well after the potty and  before touching any food.  With soap and water.  

Jill looks lovely with her new hairdo.  Maybe she can translate looking lovely into feeling good and stepping out even more.

I really don't know when Americans decided that daily baths/showers and daily washing of hair was necessary.  I feel like it happened very recently.  Honestly, very few people need to wash their hair daily especially when using cheap shampoos.  I wash mine every other day with a sulfate free shampoo unless I slept on it wrong.  The joys of having fine hair with waves and curls.

[emma675]

Holy cow, Jill looks great with shorter hair! I will admit to hair envy with this family, the girls all seem to have thick, fast growing hair. None of which I've ever had. 

[Oldernowiser]

What an improvement! Good for her!

[FizzyPuff]

I was just coming on here to talk about Jill’s hair and you guys already are! It looks amazing, I love it. I hope she feels so much better without the longer hair. 

[jukie]

She looks fabulous, I hope Derrrrrick and others compliment her so that she feels a little extra perk in her step because that is a big step for her.

[Oldernowiser]

Ironically, that’s one of the most thoughtful, real New Testament Jesus-y things she’s posted...and not one religious word.

Deeds not words! I’m actually impressed. 

[Vivigirl10]

I think while we are quick to criticize Jill, people are more than eager to praise her.  Good choice, Jill, the new cut looks wonderful!  I'm sure that was a big step and not easy to do, for so many reasons.  

[xwordfanatik]

I had waist length hair in my 20's.  I had it cut to shoulder length, and I did get fewer headaches after that.

Jill looks great.  It's nice she's donating hair.  Yay!  🙂

[Marshmallow Mollie]

She looks so good!! I am so proud of her! Plus she cut it right before the holidays, not after. I love that she will go to the big house with that beautiful haircut.

[Trillium]

15 minutes ago, Marshmallow Mollie said:

She looks so good!! I am so proud of her! Plus she cut it right before the holidays, not after. I love that she will go to the big house with that beautiful haircut.

I wouldn’t put money on her going there. 
 

She looks worlds better. It always baffled me how she still cling to her “it’s lower maintenance” stance on having super long hair.  Especially when she had started wearing pants, listening to contemporary Christian music.

What’s next? An actual TV so they don’t have to huddle around a laptop to watch Paw Patrol? 

[libgirl2]

3 hours ago, lascuba said:

Well, damn. Go Jill! She looks really good. The cut makes her automatically  look less awkward.

I've never felt so complimentary towards Jill. I need a moment.

Me neither! She looks great, younger, fresher and more modern. She also looks happy with the results.