Small Talk: The Prayer Closet

[latetotheparty]

2 hours ago, Arwen Evenstar said:

I’ve been told by my gyn onc no hormonal products whatsoever, even Intrarosa, which is DHEA, a precursor to hormones and is essentially topical. I could never use the sponge or anything that sits on my cervix. I would have poked myself RAW trying to get it in, and I didn’t want it to fall out while I was on the toilet. There’s a product from Canada that contains HLA, but it’s not available stateside and that product contains no hormones at all.

Arwen, can you order them from Canada?  I get all my new meds and asthma inhalers there to be able to afford to breathe. I can recommend somewhere if you’re interested. 

[doodlebug]

3 hours ago, lookeyloo said:

@Arwen Evenstar - if you are looking for an olive oil replacement - may I suggest you ask the dr. about an Estring?  For the lady bits?  I had estrogen positive breast cancer and took Femara for almost 10 years and my "areas" were quite uncomfortable.  I tried the lubrication products as recommended and they were messy and didn't work for me.  The oncologist and gyn approved the Estring.  Apparently the estrogen released is topical and doesn't get absorbed.  It lasts 3 months.  Maybe not an option for you, but thought I would put it out there.  And maybe @doodlebug can chime in.

There are two kinds of hormone replacement as noted earlier, systemic and local.  When we're talking about treating severe hot flashes, systemic hormone therapy is the only effective method.  It can be done with pills, a patch, a vaginal ring or even with creams (although these are not currently mass produced products but must be purchased from a compounding pharmacy and the quality and effectiveness vary widely).  Any systemic treatment, no matter how it is packaged, carries a risk of increased chances of breast cancer and heart disease.over time.

I remind every single woman I place on hormonal replacement therapy that we do have means to prevent and detect heart disease and breast cancer and taking HRT is just one more reason to do these things.  Regular mammograms, maintaining a healthy weight, low fat diet, regular exercise and treatment for high blood pressure and elevated cholesterol as well as quitting smoking can go a long way towards minimizing risks.

Also, women who do not have a uterus can take estrogen alone to treat hot flashes and that seems to present a much lower risk of breast cancer and heart disease.  The reason that women who have a uterus need estrogen with progesterone is because taking estrogen alone poses a high risk of developing uterine cancer.

Local treatment with estrogen alone is used to combat the atrophy that occurs after menopause.  General vaginal discomfort, painful intercourse, and even recurrent bladder infections can occur after menopause and can be treated with vaginal estrogen creams, tablets or inserts.  They don't help hot flashes at all because they are very low dose and not absorbed that well through the tissue.  Many oncologists are ok with women who have a history of breast cancer using topical estrogens for these problems.  Some don't; mainly because it's kind of a new thing and not a huge amount of research on it yet.

While I don't take systemic hormonal therapy, I do use topical estrogen about once a week to prevent the recurrent UTI's I started getting after menopause.

Edited January 29, 2018 by doodlebug

[Arwen Evenstar]

7 minutes ago, latetotheparty said:

Arwen, can you order them from Canada?  I get all my new meds and asthma inhalers there to be able to afford to breathe. I can recommend somewhere if you’re interested. 

I don’t think it’s a problem to get them from Canada, as I don’t think a script is even required, but sure, hook me up, please.

[Mollie]

5 minutes ago, doodlebug said:

While I don't take systemic hormonal therapy, I do use topical estrogen about once a week to prevent the recurrent UTI's I started getting after menopause.

Why would UTIs increase after menopause?

[doodlebug]

Just now, Mollie said:

Why would UTIs increase after menopause?

The bladder and urethral tissues are also sensitive to estrogen and they atrophy and dry out just like the vagina.  This makes it easier for bacteria to enter and cause infection.

[Sew Sumi]

That makes sense. I just finished a course of antibiotics for said issue, my first post-menopause.

I had no idea that there was a connection, and my GP didn't say anything. Interesting...

Edited January 29, 2018 by Sew Sumi

[Westiepeach]

6 minutes ago, doodlebug said:

The bladder and urethral tissues are also sensitive to estrogen and they atrophy and dry out just like the vagina.  This makes it easier for bacteria to enter and cause infection.

Ah, makes sense. I have my annual in 2 weeks and that is on my list to discuss with my gyn. 

[McManda]

1 hour ago, doodlebug said:

The bladder and urethral tissues are also sensitive to estrogen and they atrophy and dry out just like the vagina.  This makes it easier for bacteria to enter and cause infection.

And interestingly enough, UTIs can also  be the cause delirium and confusion in the elderly. I think it's generally accepted to do a workup for a UTI when a patient presents with a quick onset of confusion or behavior change (@doodlebug would know better than I). 

... everything I hear about getting older sounds like so much fun, lol.

[lascuba]

I swear, I'd be on HRT in a heartbeat if I didn't have hormone-receptor positive breast cancer. And I wouldn't even classify my hot flashes as severe, but I'm 37 and between them and the vaginal dryness (plus the achy joints when I get out of bed in the morning thanks to anti-hormonal meds), I feel so old. Replens, oils, and Carlson's vitamin E suppositories do help a lot, but I hate that that's something I have to think about, you know? 

[Minivanessa]

1 minute ago, McManda said:

... everything I hear about getting older sounds like so much fun, lol.

My next birthday starts with a "7," so, yeah.

But seriously, I'm very fortunate to have few health problems, and some of those would go away if I could shed 30 pounds. Which crept up during my 50's and 60's.

That said, old age ain't for sissies. My free pass to eat crap, neglect to get in enough exercise (and I mean even just simply a decent amount of walking in a day), to "forget" to do some stretching and other simple exercises for some joint issues, and to be careless about my sleep? Has done expired, peeps. I do any of that sh*t, and I pay for it right away. When I was younger I thought adulting was haaarrd. Waaahh. Heh. That was nothing compared to aging. 

However, as I said, I'm fortunate, and grateful, for general good health, and for having learned a few things along the way. Also, I'm pretty much out of f*cks to give about a lot of things that used to get me all worked up. I haven't achieved constant bliss but I'm more easily amused and much harder to get riled up. I try to save that for important stuff. 

Peace, love, and healing to all of you. I don't post much but I just can't quit this forum and I rarely go more than a few days without checking in to see what everyone's up to and how you're all doing. You all just rock.

[Love2dance]

Sleep difficulties here, too. I have found that when I wake up a few hours after falling asleep, if I put one of the dissolving  3mg melatonin tablets under my tongue (so don’t have to get up to drink water, and wake up more), I can usually fall back to sleep. Worth a try. 

[Catfin]

Thanks ladies. ❤️ I appreciate the thoughtful responses. This is just a gentle nudge to make my health a priority and manage stress.

[latetotheparty]

3 hours ago, Arwen Evenstar said:

I don’t think it’s a problem to get them from Canada, as I don’t think a script is even required, but sure, hook me up, please.

Okay, Arwen, the pharmacy I use is Canada Drugs. Years ago as the cost of prescriptions drugs was skyrocketing many Minnesotans started going north for 5heir prescriptions, especially seniors. The state of Minnesota actually went and vetted some of these online pharmacies so we could choose from safe ones. I generally save 60-75 of my cost, sometimes more. 

[emma675]

I've said it before and I'll say it again (probably multiple times in the future, too), this little part of the internet rocks. It's so supportive and informative and civil and funny and comforting. We're a damn fine group, lol!

[Arwen Evenstar]

@lookeyloo, thanks!  ?

[EtheltoTillie]

On 1/26/2018 at 11:45 PM, Arwen Evenstar said:

I was dxed in March 2017. Holding up, so I’ll be a year soon. I’m glad to hear from another teal sister, too! I always say it’s a club I never wanted to be a member of, so it’s a great comfort to know all its members are badasses!

 

@Marigold {{{  }}}. Your mom was a courageous teal sister!

Arwen, PM me if you want to get more info.  I go on a website called Inspire joined with OCRFA (Ovarian Cancer Research Foundation).  There's lots of good information.  I personally do have a BRCA gene mutation, so I had prophylactic mastectomies.  I am now on Lynparza PARP inhibitor capsules, which are currently available for the BRCA positive but are being tested for non BRCA.  Other PARPS are now available for other people.  There are so many new things coming down the pipeline, as well as the traditional chemotherapies, all of which I have had!  I have never given up hope. Congratulations on making it almost to one year. 

Marigold, so sorry about your mom. 

[Barb23]

.Hi guys. I've been out of commission for the past month due to health reasons but am starting to feel better. I'm at a physical therapy rehab right now to help with my rheum arthritis & hopefully will be home in next week or two.  I'm  just getting caught up on all things Duggar.  Geez, been gone a month & now 2 new pregnancies.  Kendra, no surprise but was a little surprised about Jessa. I missed you all & am so glad to be back. 

[Jynnan tonnix]

50 minutes ago, Barb23 said:

.Hi guys. I've been out of commission for the past month due to health reasons but am starting to feel better. I'm at a physical therapy rehab right now to help with my rheum arthritis & hopefully will be home in next week or two.  I'm  just getting caught up on all things Duggar.  Geez, been gone a month & now 2 new pregnancies.  Kendra, no surprise but was a little surprised about Jessa. I missed you all & am so glad to be back. 

I think the Jessa part is still just speculation unless I missed something as well...

[Love2dance]

Welcome back @Barb23. Hope the physical therapy helps your arthritis. ?

[Barb23]

Oops, I meant Jinger not Jessa, but who knows possibly an early prediction with Jessa.

[ChiCricket]

Quick update while I'm at a relative's house with Wi-Fi..still in Puerto Rico...kind of being being emotionally blackmailed by my husband and daughter and grandkids into staying longer than I wanted to. (whine whine whine, poor me, 84 ° here and only 28° at home.)

But I am homesick,dagnabbit!...and I am one BIG mosquito bite and I'm TIRED of only talking in Spanish and I'm sick to death of rice and beans and chicken!! Thanks for letting me vent..sorry I didn't have enough Wi-Fi time to read anything you all wrote, so I'm apologizing in advance. (just 8 more days,just 8 more days, just 8 more days) I hereby give HUGE props to older people who changed countries and had to adapt to another language.It really starts to addlepate your brain after awhile. (Sorry, I'm rambling)

Edited January 31, 2018 by ChiCricket

[zoomama]

3 hours ago, Barb23 said:

.Hi guys. I've been out of commission for the past month due to health reasons but am starting to feel better. I'm at a physical therapy rehab right now to help with my rheum arthritis & hopefully will be home in next week or two.  I'm  just getting caught up on all things Duggar.  Geez, been gone a month & now 2 new pregnancies.  Kendra, no surprise but was a little surprised about Jessa. I missed you all & am so glad to be back. 

taking this over to the jessa thread....

[lookeyloo]

Update to my hip issue - had MRI last week (thanks to a little Xanax, a sleep mask and earplugs I managed to zone out for it). Met with dr who did original implant yesterday for results. Which are relatively good. Implant intact with no areas of deterioration. My blood levels of chromium and cobalt are ever so slightly elevated. No where near the danger mark. He explained the history of implants, implant materials, brands, recalls, lawsuits, etc. My implant hasn't been recalled and still has a high success rate despite the metal issues. He doesn't recommend replacing it now and if I am lucky - ever - but as we know there are no guarantees in life. The implant might even outlive me since I am already old. The surgery is difficult with potential for many complications. I trust him very much but am not looking for surgery. My discomfort as shown on the MRI is degeneration in spine. Probably again because I am old. One physical therapy session helped a lot. I have exercises to do. I scheduled another session next week. I have no limitations except no bungee jumping, no skydiving, no marathons, and some yoga and Pilates poses aren't good which I already knew. There is a supplement made out of greens which is supposed to (allegedly) help remove the metal from blood. It is listed on WEBMD but I am not jumping on that bandwagon just yet til I do more research. It is a chlorophyll type thing. So thanks everybody for your good thoughts. 

[ChiCricket]

Another day, another Puerto Rican  cousin visit (who has Wi-Fi, yay!) So if you're thinking of me being in a luxurious tropical resort...HA! More like sweltering heat with non stop multiple conversations going on on little porches in little houses for hours and hours (my husband is in heaven.) My husband has more cousins than should be legally allowed! ;)

 If I sound extra cranky, I AM..I do not do hot weather well, plus I had the runs (TMI?) for the last two days...and I have NEVER gotten sick in the  multiple trips I have made to Puerto Rico before..I don't think their water system is anywhere near normal yet. (And I've only been drinking bottled water this time, but who knows what the food was rinsed in.)

 Ok..sorry.whiney mcwhinerson out until the next WiFi connected cousin...lol

(If you read this far, thanks for being a shoulder to vent on!) Just 7 more days...

[SMama]

We are going to visit the abus (abuela and abuelo) the first week in April. It’s where our daughter wanted to go for Spring Break. We live in Southern California, so used to the heat, but not the humidity. I had not even thought about our digestive systems since it’s never been a concern before. ?

[ChiCricket]

Another day, another cousin with Wi-Fi. It's weird how many less people are on the island (at least up in the mountains where I am right now.) I've especially noticed all the young families seem to have moved to the mainland. :( My grandkids (who are homeschooled) were patiently waiting for school to let out, and still hardly ANY kids in the neighborhood to play with.

Weird.

(I know that's partly because nobody is having super large families anymore..but it is eerily quiet around my husband's old neighborhood except for barking dogs, crowing chickens, and coquis. :( Where are all the kids?!

Edited February 1, 2018 by ChiCricket

[funky-rat]

Ugh.  I'm among kindred spirits here, even though I don't watch the show much anymore since the Josh scandal - I mainly tune in for weddings and not much else.  But some of what has been weighing on me lately is OT, but has some vague ties back to the Duggars and their attitudes in a round about way, and I just need to spit this out somewhere because it's been bugging me, and I don't know whether I'm just an asshole, or if people today are just kind-of ridiculous.  And if I'm deemed an asshole, then I'm in the prayer closet anyway.

I have a friend that I've known since middle school.  We drifted apart after graduation.  Social media links her back up to me.  And we were friends - not "I was shitty to you in school and I'm sending a friend request so I can be sure I'm not on your "kill" list but then might steal your photos and statuses and make fun of you all over again" kind of friend (I ignore those).  I find out that she's changed a lot since we parted ways.  Kids.  Several failed marriages.  Hobbies I would have never thought she'd be in to (which is fine).  She also got really political (I lost a truly good friend because she got too political for my taste and we have nothing in common anymore).  After time, I just tend to tune her out 90% of the time, as little of what she posts applies to me.

But as you know with social media, you also get your old friend's new friends as a bonus.  You don't have to be directly connected - you see their crap because your friend is tagged, etc.  Most of her friends aren't bad, but she's got a couple (as in man and wife) who just grate.  The kind who are smug, and sanctimonious.  They relish seeing someone comment against anything they believe in - even in a nice way - so they can pounce, and "educate", and ridicule.  It's horrible, and I toyed with blocking them when they ripped a fellow classmate to shreds for daring to have a differing opinion, which he stated politely.  I later find out the husband is with some firm with ties to high profile powerful people with strong political ties, and I go "Of COURSE he is" and any time I see his name, I scroll right by.  Wife and my friend act like they've been BFF's since kindergarten.  I am treated to an incessant stream of photos of their kids (several  - all young - under the age of 10), because friend is always with them, and tagged.  I see incessant posts from wife because she's involved with one of those MLM businesses, and friend is always tagged.

So about 2 weeks ago, it's posted by my friend that annoying couple has just suffered a horrible tragedy and lose a child in a freak accident.  I don't like these people one iota, but I'm human, and no parent should have to bury a child, especially a toddler.  But less than 12 hours later, and before all family has been notified even (because friend is posting one update after another, saying that family can't be reached), the GoFundMe is up and running, and being shared back and forth.  Please donate for burial expenses.  I think about it for 3 seconds, and realize I'm in precarious financial straits myself, and it's not feasible.  Then a status is shared from wife, saying not to ask her what she needs, because the only thing she needs is for this to have never happened.  Again, I'm human, and I absolutely sympathize.  Then 3 seconds later, it's "BUT, if you want to do something, and you can't or don't want to donate to the GoFundMe, or already did and still want to help.....and out comes the link for a thing to donate meals - none of which are remotely affordable.  And an exhaustive list of what they DO NOT want or like.  Not allergies - just "we don't like fish", or similar.  I'm feeling slightly less sympathetic, but tell myself someone could be speaking on behalf of wife and just using her account, and I let it slide.  Over the course of the next few days, links for THREE more GoFundMe campaigns are shared.  Send the family on vacation so they can heal!  Donate for unexpected ongoing expenses!  The one that gets me the most is the 3rd one (technically 4th, counting the one that went up just hours after the tragedy), which has an extremely high goal amount, and is "Send their other kids to college!".  Um....that's many many years down the road.  And then I see it was started by some of husband's high profile friends.  If they want to do something, that's awesome, but they have more money than a lot of the average people will ever see.

So in a flash I went from sympathy for this "power couple" to almost disdain.  I figured it would be one of those "the family needs privacy" things, and it's the total opposite.  And I hate that I feel like that.  And while these people are ideologically opposite of the Duggars, the Duggars are always about the cash grab, and being in your face, and seem to have no decorum, even in the face of tragedy.  I stopped feeling sorry for the Duggars, and I'm at that point with this couple.  I recognize someone could be doing this for the couple, but it's awfully close to their normal tone and verbage.  And I would think that any "spokesperson" would have better decorum.  Or maybe I'm old fashioned, living in a world where we didn't ask people to fund everything and anything we felt we deserved or needed.  Or maybe I'm bitter from the one time I was somewhat personally involved in a GoFundMe for a genuine need (not me personally, but a relative) and no one seemed to give a crap (although to be fair, the power couple isn't getting a whole lot of monetary love either).

So either way, if I'm an asshole, I'm in the prayer closet where I belong.  But I didn't know where else I could vent about this, and not be accused of being anything other than a complete bastard.  Again, I have sympathy for these people (as much as I can for people I am not really connected to), but I struggle with the way things are in this world nowadays.  I don't really understand, and I'm not sure I want to.

[Temperance]

That is really sad. I had a friend who lost a family member. They set up a page to pay for the burial. I didn't recognize the money site (meaning it didn't seem too secure) and money is tight, so I didn't give. But the only thing they asked for was the funeral/burial expenses. My friend grew up poor and this family did not have money. If they asked for other things, I might not have blamed them. I would have felt differently about it if they were wealthier. It used to be people would just show up with food, but that doesn't happen anymore or as much as it use to.  

My advice is to block the other family.  You don't like them, and they probably won't notice. 

[jcbrown]

I know what you mean @funky-rat. I lost a friend this fall and saw something similar and it turned me off, too. The breast cancer she had gone through twice metastasized to her brain, spine, and liver. Nearly before everyone even knew she was in the hospital, her husband had a go-fund-me set up to pay for rehab care after she was released from the hospital. I know that would have been a tremendously financially and psychically draining endeavour. But then he posted it so often on facebook that he was blocked from posting and enlisted his other friends to post, tagging her so all her friends would see it every time. The aggressive requests for money just really turned me off. And then it was for naught because she went home under hospice care and died in less than a week. 

Save me a seat in the handbasket, I'll bring the wine.

[kassygreene]

2 hours ago, funky-rat said:

...

So either way, if I'm an asshole, I'm in the prayer closet where I belong.  But I didn't know where else I could vent about this, and not be accused of being anything other than a complete bastard.  Again, I have sympathy for these people (as much as I can for people I am not really connected to), but I struggle with the way things are in this world nowadays.  I don't really understand, and I'm not sure I want to.

This prayer closet should be A Safe Place (I hope it is).  I think your reactions are appropriate, but you can't comment there because you will receive a lot of vitriol (but you know that).  I agree you should block them, but otherwise be very very silent.  Only tell your friend (privately) IF she asks a minimum of five times.  

I've had people I despised (always with cause, of course :-P ) who have had terrible things happen to them.  It is possible (and a relief!) to have a decent, human response, but that doesn't mean they get away with abusing people's sympathy.

Hey, at least you are physically removed!  I had a former co-worker who had a sudden loss in the family and no cash reserves to go home.  The boss did a forced whip-around of $20 per head of all his co-workers.  Most of them were furious but still had to contribute.  And the recipient was extremely and sincerely grateful that his co-workers helped, so I hoped he never found out the details.

A former co-worker at a different job had a very ill child (congenital heart defect, the details and causes of which I and everyone else in the office knew too much about because the mother is a motor-mouthed twit) who needed surgery in one of the big hospitals in a big city (West Coast, I think).  He (the father) was checked in to the Ronald McDonald house while the mother was pretty much camped out in the hospital.   Poor guy found the RM House to be just too awful - so many people, communal bathrooms, noise from other kids and parents, he Just Could Not Take It.  So, since both parents worked in the same place, a whip-around of their combined co-workers was solicited (unofficially made a line item on everyone's performance review, I was told, but that may - I stress the MAY - be sour grapes), and they produced enough money for the father to check in to a hotel walking distance from the hospital, and priced accordingly.

And I've wandered - I guess I've wanted to vent that for a long time.  You don't own these people's actions, and you don't owe them a thing.  They and their friends (including your friend) are indulging themselves in competitive grief coupled with competitive charity.  You're good.  Give yourself a moderate reward - whatever self-indulgent equivalent of a box of chocolate works for you, 

[bigskygirl]

Save me a seat too! I use to feel guilty about when someone would call on the phone asking for a donation, but after what the hubby and I have been through, I now feel less guilty. There are certain organizations I would rather donate to (animal shelter, food bank, and a few other organizations who help people down on their luck especially with medical issues.) I refuse to give money to national organizations because you will never know where the money is actually going. There are people who are going through a lot medical wise and can hardly get any help at all, and to be honest about it, I would rather help them out.

I do have one cousin who has been posting at least once or twice a week about a fundraiser for her brother-in-law who was diagnosed with cancer last year. I do not mind it too much because she is not aggressive about it. I also have an uncle who loves to post his political views a lot. I admit I might post something he would not agree with at all because his posts drive me bonkers at time to the point of eye rolling and wanting to beat my head against the wall. I do remember the one time he got into it a little with his son (my gay cousin) because my cousin did not agree with him. *okay*

[frenchtoast]

On the flip side, the worst I see on Facebook is a mom posting about her 4 year old who has cancer and his treatments. And it's universally that he's tired but trying, that the staff is so caring and she is grateful for everyone's prayers and kindess. My daugher goes to school with his older sister, so she knows about it. I'm pretty sure they had some good news right after New Years, which was reassuring. I don't know the woman personally though I've seen her in the school and at birthday parties. I'm not friends with her on facebook, so I only see the updates through mutual friends.

[funky-rat]

Thanks everyone.  At least I know I'm not going nuts, or if I'm going to hell, I will at least have company.  I have a friend who had childhood Cancer, and I use her as my barometer for "is this tacky?", etc, but she lost a child a number of years ago, and I didn't want to go there with her on this one.  She shared an article once about what NOT to say to people who are sick, etc, and shared a horror story of something someone said to her when she lost her child, so I just didn't wan to dredge up bad memories.  I don't have children, so I would never dream of saying "I understand", because I don't, and never will.  And everyone is right.  I don't owe this couple anything.  I just think that it was how I was raised, and the area where I live.  When we lived in our old house and our neighbor died,  I didn't like the man at all (I liked his wife), and I immediately showed up with a vegetable platter for the family.  And because I have so much crap going on in my life right now (Mr. Funky lost job in July - was offered job in October, but it took 3 months to get funding together for him to go to school for a week to be able to do said job, which paid extremely well - worked job for one week before they started criticizing him and everything he did - after 3 weeks, they told him it wouldn't work - earlier that week he was offered another job, so he took it, but they're dragging feet on getting him started and I am getting frustrated as we have no money coming in, and no unemployment left to draw), and I don't trust my own judgement right now on emotional things.

And when I get home tonight, I'm going to block the power couple.  That should take care of things.  When the cash grab started, my mind immediately turned to everyone's favorite wacky fundie family.  WWDD?  Lol.......

[CherryMalotte]

Quote

 And if I'm deemed an asshole, then I'm in the prayer closet anyway.

If you are an asshole, then you are my kind of asshole.  

There are people out there that do have legitimate needs.  If there are funds needed for a burial, money can be given to the funeral home.  But anything else?  I'm very touchy about donations...I feel like unless I really know the person that I'm giving too I don't donate.  Not that I don't have sympathy, I do - and I realize people can't eat sympathy or pay their electric bill with my sympathy - but then if that's the problem, give me your electric bill for that month, or your gas bill, and I will pay it.  

I suppose I'm gun shy because I have a SIL that is a grifting stealing low life scumbucket walking bag of bones - over the years she's stolen cash, gift cards, food, whatever she can get she'll take.  Having a birthday party for your kids?  Keep your eyes on Aunt Lightfinger there, because she'll go thru your purse, change, anything left out is her domain.  I can't get into all of her many transgressions because my blood pressure will go sky high, but one thing I did find beyond the pale was when I found out she was crying to her coworkers that she didn't have money to pay her bills, didn't have money for laundry detergent, didn't have money for clothes for herself, new glasses...whatever.  She used to get anonymous donations from random people at the place where she worked (medical facility, big place), the job helped her get a loan for her house, people used to leave her boxes of food and clothes.  Everybody felt sorry for her.  And it was a lie, a huge lie.  She manipulated everyone into her oh poor me bullshit for years...until it finally wore out.  And she raised her kid the same way.  She would pull that oh poor me, single mom thing to one and all.  There are poor single moms out there that work their hearts out and do for their kids without grifting, those are the people I like to help.  And the family, her siblings, have turned a blind eye, except for my husband and one other.  If using people was an Olympic sport, she'd get a gold every four years.  I did offer once to take her for groceries, which she declined - she wanted the cash.  Nope, not in this lifetime baby.   

Edited February 2, 2018 by CherryMalotte

[bigskygirl]

Reminds me of people who would spend butt loads of money for fireworks for the 4th of July then complain when they do not have money for rent or food for their kids. Really... I admit I have went to organizations for help to get money for medications, glasses, or gas money to get to medical appointments. I hate doing it because I feel bad about asking for help when there are others with worse medical issues than I am dealing with. In the case of my glasses, I need glasses in order to find and keep a job due to my lovely multiple health issues. I have filed for voc rehab, but cuts have been made in their budget due to the budget crisis Montana is facing right now. There are people out there who will milk and work the system until someone calls them out on the sob story.

[EVS]

15 minutes ago, bigskygirl said:

Reminds me of people who would spend butt loads of money for fireworks for the 4th of July then complain when they do not have money for rent or food for their kids. Really... I admit I have went to organizations for help to get money for medications, glasses, or gas money to get to medical appointments. I hate doing it because I feel bad about asking for help when there are others with worse medical issues than I am dealing with. In the case of my glasses, I need glasses in order to find and keep a job due to my lovely multiple health issues. I have filed for voc rehab, but cuts have been made in their budget due to the budget crisis Montana is facing right now. There are people out there who will milk and work the system until someone calls them out on the sob story.

I don’t think you, or anyone else who legitimately needs assistance, should ever feel badly about asking for it. It is the people who take advantage of the system, or people like the Duggars who take advantage of others’ goodwill, who should feel badly. Of course, those are the kind of people who are least likely to care about how their actions affect others, especially those in genuine need, as long as the grifters themselves are benefiting. 

Edited February 2, 2018 by EVS

[jennblevins]

16 minutes ago, bigskygirl said:

Reminds me of people who would spend butt loads of money for fireworks for the 4th of July then complain when they do not have money for rent or food for their kids. Really... 

On my bus ride home yesterday, one of the other passengers had a lengthy, loud phone conversation about the weed he was going to buy today and the hookers he was going to hire this weekend. After he hung up, he started asking people for money to go to McDonald’s and buy a sandwich, because he was broke and hungry and had been fired from his job. Unsurprisingly, everyone declined to provide him any cash. 

[bigskygirl]

10 minutes ago, jennblevins said:

On my bus ride home yesterday, one of the other passengers had a lengthy, loud phone conversation about the weed he was going to buy today and the hookers he was going to hire this weekend. After he hung up, he started asking people for money to go to McDonald’s and buy a sandwich, because he was broke and hungry and had been fired from his job. Unsurprisingly, everyone declined to provide him any cash. 

Was it Josh?! Heading to the prayer closet. I hope there are some left over snacks from my last visit.

[Love2dance]

11 minutes ago, jennblevins said:

On my bus ride home yesterday, one of the other passengers had a lengthy, loud phone conversation about the weed he was going to buy today and the hookers he was going to hire this weekend. After he hung up, he started asking people for money to go to McDonald’s and buy a sandwich, because he was broke and hungry and had been fired from his job. Unsurprisingly, everyone declined to provide him any cash. 

Your story made my day. Hahahaha.

[funky-rat]

15 minutes ago, bigskygirl said:

Was it Josh?! Heading to the prayer closet. I hope there are some left over snacks from my last visit.

But...we're already in the prayer closet.  I have snacks, if you need (I'll share).  :)

My friend started today with "Sorry in advance for all the posts today...".  So I "snoozed" her.  I love that FB offers that now.

[bigskygirl]

5 minutes ago, funky-rat said:

But...we're already in the prayer closet.  I have snacks, if you need (I'll share).  :)

My friend started today with "Sorry in advance for all the posts today...".  So I "snoozed" her.  I love that FB offers that now.

Okay I confess! I left the closet this morning to feed my fur baby and to do other chores.

[jennblevins]

46 minutes ago, bigskygirl said:

Was it Josh?! Heading to the prayer closet. I hope there are some left over snacks from my last visit.

Haha, I wish, that would have been the perfect punch line. But he was the wrong ethnicity, and skinny to boot. Not to mention the wrong part of the country ... for better or for worse, I think I have about a zero percent chance of running into any Duggars! 

I can provide cookies if the snacks have run out ...

Edited February 2, 2018 by jennblevins

[bigskygirl]

I have seen people who look like one of the Duggars or remind me of the Duggars which is scary enough.

[Natalie68]

22 hours ago, funky-rat said:

Ugh.  I'm among kindred spirits here, even though I don't watch the show much anymore since the Josh scandal - I mainly tune in for weddings and not much else.  But some of what has been weighing on me lately is OT, but has some vague ties back to the Duggars and their attitudes in a round about way, and I just need to spit this out somewhere because it's been bugging me, and I don't know whether I'm just an asshole, or if people today are just kind-of ridiculous.  And if I'm deemed an asshole, then I'm in the prayer closet anyway.

I have a friend that I've known since middle school.  We drifted apart after graduation.  Social media links her back up to me.  And we were friends - not "I was shitty to you in school and I'm sending a friend request so I can be sure I'm not on your "kill" list but then might steal your photos and statuses and make fun of you all over again" kind of friend (I ignore those).  I find out that she's changed a lot since we parted ways.  Kids.  Several failed marriages.  Hobbies I would have never thought she'd be in to (which is fine).  She also got really political (I lost a truly good friend because she got too political for my taste and we have nothing in common anymore).  After time, I just tend to tune her out 90% of the time, as little of what she posts applies to me.

But as you know with social media, you also get your old friend's new friends as a bonus.  You don't have to be directly connected - you see their crap because your friend is tagged, etc.  Most of her friends aren't bad, but she's got a couple (as in man and wife) who just grate.  The kind who are smug, and sanctimonious.  They relish seeing someone comment against anything they believe in - even in a nice way - so they can pounce, and "educate", and ridicule.  It's horrible, and I toyed with blocking them when they ripped a fellow classmate to shreds for daring to have a differing opinion, which he stated politely.  I later find out the husband is with some firm with ties to high profile powerful people with strong political ties, and I go "Of COURSE he is" and any time I see his name, I scroll right by.  Wife and my friend act like they've been BFF's since kindergarten.  I am treated to an incessant stream of photos of their kids (several  - all young - under the age of 10), because friend is always with them, and tagged.  I see incessant posts from wife because she's involved with one of those MLM businesses, and friend is always tagged.

So about 2 weeks ago, it's posted by my friend that annoying couple has just suffered a horrible tragedy and lose a child in a freak accident.  I don't like these people one iota, but I'm human, and no parent should have to bury a child, especially a toddler.  But less than 12 hours later, and before all family has been notified even (because friend is posting one update after another, saying that family can't be reached), the GoFundMe is up and running, and being shared back and forth.  Please donate for burial expenses.  I think about it for 3 seconds, and realize I'm in precarious financial straits myself, and it's not feasible.  Then a status is shared from wife, saying not to ask her what she needs, because the only thing she needs is for this to have never happened.  Again, I'm human, and I absolutely sympathize.  Then 3 seconds later, it's "BUT, if you want to do something, and you can't or don't want to donate to the GoFundMe, or already did and still want to help.....and out comes the link for a thing to donate meals - none of which are remotely affordable.  And an exhaustive list of what they DO NOT want or like.  Not allergies - just "we don't like fish", or similar.  I'm feeling slightly less sympathetic, but tell myself someone could be speaking on behalf of wife and just using her account, and I let it slide.  Over the course of the next few days, links for THREE more GoFundMe campaigns are shared.  Send the family on vacation so they can heal!  Donate for unexpected ongoing expenses!  The one that gets me the most is the 3rd one (technically 4th, counting the one that went up just hours after the tragedy), which has an extremely high goal amount, and is "Send their other kids to college!".  Um....that's many many years down the road.  And then I see it was started by some of husband's high profile friends.  If they want to do something, that's awesome, but they have more money than a lot of the average people will ever see.

So in a flash I went from sympathy for this "power couple" to almost disdain.  I figured it would be one of those "the family needs privacy" things, and it's the total opposite.  And I hate that I feel like that.  And while these people are ideologically opposite of the Duggars, the Duggars are always about the cash grab, and being in your face, and seem to have no decorum, even in the face of tragedy.  I stopped feeling sorry for the Duggars, and I'm at that point with this couple.  I recognize someone could be doing this for the couple, but it's awfully close to their normal tone and verbage.  And I would think that any "spokesperson" would have better decorum.  Or maybe I'm old fashioned, living in a world where we didn't ask people to fund everything and anything we felt we deserved or needed.  Or maybe I'm bitter from the one time I was somewhat personally involved in a GoFundMe for a genuine need (not me personally, but a relative) and no one seemed to give a crap (although to be fair, the power couple isn't getting a whole lot of monetary love either).

So either way, if I'm an asshole, I'm in the prayer closet where I belong.  But I didn't know where else I could vent about this, and not be accused of being anything other than a complete bastard.  Again, I have sympathy for these people (as much as I can for people I am not really connected to), but I struggle with the way things are in this world nowadays.  I don't really understand, and I'm not sure I want to.

You are not an asshole/bastard/whathaveyou AT ALL.  After the Montecito mudslide GOFUNDME's popped up for families of very wealthy (more than 60K raised for families who had oodles of $$) and some for the family members of the service folks that worked in Montecito (ie: min wage workers who were struggling to get 6K for the funeral).  My family promoted one of the funds because it was for a man who was the groundskeeper of an estate and the family was only asking for funeral money so they could bury their brother which spoke to me (no one should EVER worry about covering funeral expenses).  THAT, like has been said, was a no brainer.  What was nice was one family who was wealthy but had lost their father had a fund set up (sounds like it was by friends) who said they were going to be fine, we are transferring all the donations to this other family that lost 2 children and both the moms (the toddler was saved luckily by some other victim/evacuee who saw him stuck and floating by ).  Maybe friends set up this families pages but people get really turned off when they are asking for luxuries like a vacay.  

[Natalie68]

2 hours ago, jennblevins said:

On my bus ride home yesterday, one of the other passengers had a lengthy, loud phone conversation about the weed he was going to buy today and the hookers he was going to hire this weekend. After he hung up, he started asking people for money to go to McDonald’s and buy a sandwich, because he was broke and hungry and had been fired from his job. Unsurprisingly, everyone declined to provide him any cash. 

You are simply selfish for not donating to this guy!  Jeez you heartless person!  JOKE!  

[kokapetl]

The responsibility to care for the less fortunate falls upon the state legislature and executive. They have a duty of care, incl. a duty of care to make suitable arrangements for the less fortunate and to budget for this as well. In every other 1st world country, this is normal. 

[CherryMalotte]

Geez, I do sound harsh...bad morning, bad morning.

I think the most appropriate thing to do in the loss of a child, if you don't know the family well, might be a donation to maybe Ronald McDonald House, especially if the child was ill, local hospice if they were involved...or if later there is a fund started for donations to a children's library, a bench in the park, playground, something of that nature.  

I have to ask and I'm sorry it's so off the topic right now, but has anybody heard from HFC lately?  Maybe I missed a post somewhere but I haven't seen her post in forever.

[Rabbittron]

To all my wonderful friends. I  might or might not be able to play Find Smuggar tonight.  The reason is my youngest is in the hospital with a brain tumor.  He was complaining about headaches so my pediatrician got him a appointment with a brain doctor who works with kids and she admitted him this morning.  Right now they are running all kind of testing. 

[Westiepeach]

49 minutes ago, CherryMalotte said:

I have to ask and I'm sorry it's so off the topic right now, but has anybody heard from HFC lately?  Maybe I missed a post somewhere but I haven't seen her post in forever.

I was wondering the same thing!

1 minute ago, Rabbittron said:

To all my wonderful friends. I  might or might not be able to play Find Smuggar tonight.  The reason is my youngest is in the hospital with a brain tumor.  He was complaining about headaches so my pediatrician got him a appointment with a brain doctor who works with kids and she admitted him this morning.  Right now they are running all kind of testing. 

Full frontal hugs being sent to you! Please keep us posted!

[CherryMalotte]

Hugs to you Rabbittron and your child.