S23.E09: Week 9

[saber5055]

8 minutes ago, Ms Blue Jay said:

and rewinding the Fence Jump 5 times

Do you mean rewinding the FJ? Ha ha ha ha!

[Ms Blue Jay]

8 minutes ago, One4Sorrow2TooBad said:

Sounds like it would make a funny SNL skit next week. 

I don't think comedy like this can be improved upon

[Kiss my mutt]

Is this the fourth girl this season to show herself out? Whatever the number it sure seems a lot of girls are making bail. 

[Jax7917]

I can actually see Cassie’s brain cells working overtime . 

He must like her for her .... ability to articulate what’s on her mind .

Somehow I’m sure Tia will show up . 

Edited March 5, 2019 by Jaclyn88

[meatball77]

Just now, Kiss my mutt said:

Is this the fourth girl this season to show herself out? Whatever the number it sure seems a lot of girls are making bail. 

He broke the record for girls leaving with the last one that left.  Colton is the most dumped Bachelor ever.  It makes me think that there's something really odd about his personality.  Dude is dull or obnoxious or childish or something.

 

[truthaboutluv]

27 minutes ago, Ms Blue Jay said:

EXACTLY . SHE DOESN'T WANT HIM OR LIKE HIM OR THIS.  THAT'S IT.  

Basically. I don't care a lick about this season and Colton but I heard all about the damn fence jump so curiosity got the better of me tonight. I'm sorry but this was painful and I just wanted someone to slap a copy of "He's Just Not That Into You" in Colton's hand. Different gender of course but it all applies. 

At the end of the day, that chick simply wasn't into Colton and all her "I don't know, I don't know" was her awkward way of trying to get out of the situation without just flat out saying that. Because one, she probably figured it'd make her look like a cold bitch to viewers and two, there was the fact that multiple other contestants called her out earlier in the season and she insisted they were all lying and wrong. 

Edited March 5, 2019 by truthaboutluv

[dizzyd]

So this exists now 😏

[LoveLeigh]

30 minutes ago, Ms Blue Jay said:

Guys - this is one of the funniest threads in this site's history - fence none.  I mean bar none.

Totally HILARIOUS!! This thread is epic. However, I have to say that the show gave everybody here great material. I have never seen an episode of this series so dopey.

Cassie is gorgeous and she is so not into Colton. Cassie is into Cassie and that short short silver dress had one purpose: to parlay her hotness into a film career. And Cassie's redundant "I don't know" made me think she is as idiotic as this: 

and such as and such as

Her "I don't know" was her way of telling him to take a hike. She was saying: I do not know how to tell you to go away. 

Edited March 5, 2019 by DakotaLavender
added content

[meatball77]

I do think the producers have been trying to get this ending for several seasons.  That's why they've kept bringing in ex-boyfriends.  Bringing in Cassie's dad gave them more drama than they ever expected.

[Ms Blue Jay]

1 minute ago, dizzyd said:

So this exists now 😏

it's like the Mad Men version.

They should add a theme song and have this open the show from now on.

[Lilac2000]

31 minutes ago, txhorns79 said:

I can't be the only person who expected Ed Harris to show up and tell the control room to "cue the sun" as Colton ran off into the night.  

Yes! I said as it was happening, "this is The Truman Show!" What happens when he gets in a boat?!

[jackjill89]

Love really isn't that complicated. You either feel it or you don't you either know this will grow or it won't. It's not a crime to not feel it. She needs to trust her gut. Cut to the chase and just leave. 

I get sooooo tired of all the long, drawn out discussions on this show and all the hemming and hawing. I get that this is a TV show, but If it is that difficult after knowing each other such a short time, it isn't working. 

[Mu Shu]

11 minutes ago, Ms Blue Jay said:

It's a Seinfeld reference.

Come on man.  Let me have my plagiarized glory. 

[Nowhere]

Colton was never going to lose his virginity to anyone but Cassie. Taysia “got to see him for who he truly is,” AKA she saw his dick and determined that it could be worked with long term. But any guy who has waited this long was not going to have sex with anyone but his F1 and he has known who that is (Cassie) for weeks probably. 

Cassie doesn’t want Colton because she’s probably still in love with the boyfriend from the other reality show she’s on. Nice of her dad to give her an out. The family knew her Christian boyfriend and I’m sure they were thinking they’d marry one day. Then Cassie decided to do the reality show circuit. That doesn’t automatically end her feelings for the old boyfriend. If you’re truly in love with someone, you don’t give a flying fuck if your dad gives his blessing. Nice try, Cassie. 

[SallyAlbright]

I hope Hannah G. and Tayshia see themselves out and enjoy a week of exploring and hooking up with hot Portuguese guys. Would be a hell of a lot more fun than sitting around waiting for the AWOL Bachelor to return and dump them.

[TheFinalRose]

That was awesome. Do they have Uber in Portugal for Colton to call post fence jump?

[LoveLeigh]

1 hour ago, Ms Blue Jay said:

I forgot to mention, Cassie constantly fixing her hair while she's supposedly having this big, "SOOOOO HARRRRRRRRRDDDDD" confession.  Hahahahahhahahahahahahhaha.

Too funny: Cassie's gorgeous hair, her gorgeous face. Maybe Cassie can move in with Kylie Jenner and become part of The Kardashians. I think she would fit right in. Cassie's lipstick tonight was just the perfect shade of coral: CassieCoral. Maybe Cassie can hook up with Rob Kardashian. Cassie presents so many possibilities. She could even go on Big Brother this summer. 

[Gem 10]

1 hour ago, ECM1231 said:

YES!!! 

Speaking of Cassie’s dad, I think he is HOT.

[Countess]

Uhhhh I haven’t read anything in the thread yet but I’m left thinking....if all he could think about was Cassie, and the only person he wanted to see was Cassie.....WTF was he doing telling all those girls he was falling for them and furthermore asking their DADS to give him their blessing to marry their daughter. While he’s thinking about Cassie? Seems pretty sick to me.

[thehepburn]

Colton was shivering? I thought shivering virgins went extinct 2 centuries ago at least?

[Mu Shu]

Now all the sudd n I’m team Katie, whoever the fuck she is, and the monotones.  Now miss like, I don’t know, I don’t know will get grilled by dead eyed Shirpa and The Wrong Reason exposing fishwives.  Probably get jumped by a cougar, too.  Man she’s a bad actress.  

[kazza]

As usual I FF'ed through most of the episode, but I had to watch the last 15 minutes at least several times.

Did they show Hannah yet? If they did, it was quick. If not, why bother at this point.

Colton doesn't have swagger. He's a cute, friendly, utterly unoffensive Golden Retriever. Ben H was cut from the same mold. 

[Lula58]

2 hours ago, JenE4 said:

They keep saying “edge of the world.” Are they flat-earthers?

That was some strange preview. Losing his virginity was so “electrifying” that they popped a fuse at the hotel? Is that what they were going for? I’m confused by the lack of train whistles and sounds of orangutans in heat, as per usual with this show.

I think it made my hymen grow back.

Maybe you missed the phallic red-tipped lighthouse or the premature foaming champagne..I’m delightedly counting the references..

[Mu Shu]

1 minute ago, kazza said:

As usual I FF'ed through most of the episode, but I had to watch the last 15 minutes at least several times.

Did they show Hannah yet? If they did, it was quick. If not, why bother at this point.

Colton doesn't have swagger. He's a cute, friendly, utterly unoffensive Golden Retriever. Ben H was cut from the same mold. 

But was there ever a sexy bachelor?  Blob was when he was fat, but after he lost weight and looked all deflated, he became an unsexy smarmy loser. Maybe the British guy?  I can’t think of one I’d date, and I’m pretty ugly.

[Lula58]

1 hour ago, ECM1231 said:

YES!!! 

1 hour ago, JenE4 said:

Wow, they flew Dad all the way to Portugal to interrupt the middle of the date. Harrison really doesn’t want Colton to lose his virginity.

Methinks Cassie’s family would like their own reality show ala those K girls in Clalbasas

[Nowhere]

Cassie’s dad stared at her after she said “I think I do.” He read her mind. I do it with my kids. He knew she was saying, “I don’t love him but I can’t say it on tv.” I’d go to Portugal to rescue my daughter too. Go dad!!

[Wandering Snark]

Colton... you were WARNED not once, not twice but at one point multiple times in one single day!! *shakes head* This alll could have been avoided. I was waiting for him to give her a Godfather kiss off: "I knew it was you Cassie, I knew it was you." You broke my heart. *kiss of death*

Somewhere Hannah G is waiting by the phone... that poor simple thing.

[kazza]

4 minutes ago, Mu Shu said:

But was there ever a sexy bachelor?  Blob was when he was fat, but after he lost weight and looked all deflated, he became an unsexy smarmy loser. Maybe the British guy?  I can’t think of one I’d date, and I’m pretty ugly.

I'm not sure if he was sexy, but Andrew Firestone had swagger. He knew himself and knew how to drive a conversation. I feel like the Navy officer had swagger, too.

Incidentally, I saw Jesse Palmer on the street recently. I don't remember thinking he was that great during his season, but he looked handsome in real life.

[nutty1]

10 minutes ago, kazza said:

I'm not sure if he was sexy, but Andrew Firestone had swagger. He knew himself and knew how to drive a conversation. I feel like the Navy officer had swagger, too.

Incidentally, I saw Jesse Palmer on the street recently. I don't remember thinking he was that great during his season, but he looked handsome in real life.

Andrew Firestone was exactly who came to mind. My favorite all time Bachelor. Brad was pretty sexy too. 

[betha]

Yes - Andrew Firestone and Andy Baldwin. Most intelligent and most sexy. 

[saber5055]

That fence-jumping gif is golden. Thanks.

[Nowhere]

Omg! Cassie does not want to pop your cherry, Colton. Stop begging!

[Kiss my mutt]

When Colton started pleading with her all I could see was that overweight, insecure kid from high school. 

I kept saying, Dude, just let her go!!

[Wandering Snark]

Also we missed the part where after Taysia said "We didn't reach the level of intimacy I wanted to." where she next said "And that means I don't get my bonus huh? Damn."

Edited March 5, 2019 by Wandering Snark

[PerfectPrincess]

Also, I think a lot of us called it that Colton was an “anything but” virgin. He fully admitted it in the FS TH. “I’ve done pretty much everything else”. So why is his virginity an entire thing? (I mean, what even IS virginity, really?)

[lids]

Tptb should have Rachel visit him. She pretty much went through the same situation with Peter and she thought it through more rationally, sort of... I don’t think getting engaged to Bryan right after her break up with Peter was the best idea. But Colton should see a pattern in choosing people who don’t love him and break the pattern by letting Cassie go.

[HappyDancex2]

The most honest moment in the show was when Colton realized Cassie was about to leave the show.  He shoots a look into the far camera of fear because even though he’s been willing to play the role of pawn for the show he realized in that moment that Fleiss and ABC would not hesitate to blindside and humiliate him on national TV if it meant ratings.

I kind of felt bad for him in that moment.  Because you think you are part of the fam and then realize it is going off the rails and you’ve lost all control of it.  

Doesn’t mean this show isn’t scripted to all hell but doesn’t mean they are showing you all of the pages ya know?!

[LuvMyShows]

2 hours ago, saber5055 said:

My vote: Cassie comes back for the final show and they get engaged. This is all scripted for her. Bet my paycheck on it! They didn't bring pops over there for nothing.

OK, so seriously, what will happen next?  [Just guesses, no spoilers]  No way could he now go on the date with Hannah G after revealing how he felt and pulling this stunt, right?  So that means the show would end, which won't happen either.  Soooo......I guess he sends Tayshia and Hannah home, and then either Cassie goes home, and he follows her (with some or all being filmed) and we see what happens next, or Cassie doesn't leave and has a change of heart and he ends up proposing to her.

2 hours ago, Ms Blue Jay said:

Ok I'll admit it.  It was kind of hot when Colton jumped the fence

I wouldn't say 'hot', but I would say 'impressive' as hell..

[Arkay]

Didn't something similar happen with Desiree and Brooks? If I recall, she was totally in love/infatuated with him when she was the Bachelorette, and like Colton, although she was the lead, she begged Brooks to love her and he left the show?

I know she didn't hop over a fence, but I think that was the first time that the lead was desperate, said "I love you"before the proposal, and really was uninterested in anyone else (even though she married one of the other contestants).

Minus the fence and virginity, it feels like Colton and Cassie are in the same situation. 

[Ivana Tinkle]

YES to The Truman Show reference.  When I heard "Can someone get Chris?", I got major flashbacks of when they sent Marlon to Truman's house to check on him.

Christ on a cracker, Cassie, use your words!  I lost track of how many times she said "I don't know", but I'm guessing she says that a lot.

[HappyDancex2]

I also think it’s really important that Cassie thinks that if she hasn’t felt it by now he’s not the right guy.  That’s what her father told her and that’s what she believes.  While many people will side with Colton saying the right things in the context of the show and that he would give her space and they don’t have to get engaged, she is looking for instant spark.  Cuz daddy said that’s how it will happen.

Shes ridiculously immature.  Reminds me of grade school kids when they ask “ do you like him or do you like him like him?”

[StatisticalOutlier]

Huzzah for finally spelling "forgo" correctly on the fantasy suite card!  Maybe now they can get to work on those pesky pronouns they all have such trouble with. 

Was anyone else distracted by Colton's easily read watch during the Cassie business?  I don't have an HD TV, so I'm open to corrections, but at the beginning, when she said she wasn't in love with him, his watch said 10:25.  Then she puts her arm on his shoulder and says she doesn't know why she's so confused, and his watch says 11:00, and there are a couple of shots of her with her arm on him and his watch saying 11:00-ish, so this one's pretty firm.  This is when he ask her if she was planning on leaving tonight.

But when she walked out, his watch said 10:45.

Then they come back in and she asks if he thinks she should know by now, and it's a little fuzzy, but it sure looks like 10:35 to me.

Then they came back from a commercial and they're hugging and crying and it's 10:30.  He immediately straightens up and says I don't want to lose you, and it's 11:05.  Then 15 seconds later it's 11:32 (when he says "I fucking love you").

Suffice to say I don't think it played out like they showed.  And I can't believe they let people wear giant watches.  What does Colton care what time it is?  It's not like it was a digital watch with a timer for his virginity-loss countdown.

[Andromeda]

Cassie is such a Daddy's girl. Nice of him to bail her out.  Why was she kissing this guy she was going to dump? If she thought this move would earn her a stint  as the Bachelorette,  she missed the requirement that the lead be brokenhearted. More likely, Miss Ready For My Closeup realized she was F1 and about to lose the gig. 

I missed out on my Hannah date! She better get some all expenses paid fun  from the producers. 

I see the ending now being more looking for Colton,  CH talking him into staying,  Colton meeting with Taysha and Hannah, maybe his family, and it's over. 

Hannah for Bachelorette. 

[Hpmec]

I enjoyed when Cassie told Colton her dad had come by that afternoon and instead of the WTF? reaction one would reasonably expect (after all, Portugal is not a quick drive down the 405), it barely registered. Fleiss was all over that and Colton's familiar enough with the franchise to know that was totally producer driven to advance a storyline. 

I haven't been watching this season but have a couple of observations after viewing tonight's shitshow. First, it is difficult to believe anyone so inarticulate is a speech pathologist. So I did a little internet research and determined that most recently Cassie has been working as a substitute teacher under what is known in California as an emergency credential. To the person upthread who commented on Cassie's good job, I speak from experience when I say that substitute teaching is a low paid, no benefits, part-time gig. To her credit, if she's being truthful, she's currently enrolled in an out of state grad school. Maybe she got into this on a lark and never expected to get this far. Or, as others suspect, she wanted the B'ette job and Colton was screwing up her chances. 

Second, if I was planning on dumping a virgin I knew was hot for me, I would not show up wearing a silver, off the shoulder, up to my ass mini dress. Poor Colton. Her dress said "Fuck me." Her mouth said something along the lines of "Like, I'm like so confused. Like, you know, I'm not there. I don't know where I am, but it's like not here." 

Did anyone notice that as Colton headed for the fence, the camera cut away for a second before the actual jump? I would not put it past Fleiss to have used a body double for the shot just to be on the safe side. Couldn't risk an injury to the lead, or worse yet, humiliation if Colton fumbled and didn't make it over. This show has become so scripted, it's just laughable. 

Edited March 5, 2019 by Hpmec
correct typo

[tennisgurl]

The fence has been jumped! The fence has been jumped! This is not a drill people, this is really happening! GOD I wish I got to watch live this week. So..yep: Colton: “I have to go, my planet needs me.” *Colton disappeared on the way there* 

You know, we’ve all heard it before but...was THIS the most shocking Bachelor ever?!? 

[Scout Finch]

5 hours ago, Mabinogia said:

I always love the "are you the perfect match for the next bachelor or bachelorette" commercial. 

Yeah, maybe if I knew who the hell it was I could say if I was their perfect match, but since I've no clue who's getting chosen how the hell should I know? Oh, wait, I'm too good for anyone that has been on this show yet, so I'm gonna go with no, I'm not. 

Now excuse me while I go cry myself to sleep over my utter failings. 

At least once an episode I respond with, "Nope. Too old. Too big. Missing some teeth."

Edited March 5, 2019 by Scout Finch

[SallySarue]

5 hours ago, Nowhere said:

Colton was never going to lose his virginity to anyone but Cassie. Taysia “got to see him for who he truly is,” AKA she saw his dick and determined that it could be worked with long term. But any guy who has waited this long was not going to have sex with anyone but his F1 and he has known who that is (Cassie) for weeks probably. 

Cassie doesn’t want Colton because she’s probably still in love with the boyfriend from the other reality show she’s on. Nice of her dad to give her an out. The family knew her Christian boyfriend and I’m sure they were thinking they’d marry one day. Then Cassie decided to do the reality show circuit. That doesn’t automatically end her feelings for the old boyfriend. If you’re truly in love with someone, you don’t give a flying fuck if your dad gives his blessing. Nice try, Cassie. 

This! Every word of this.

[mamadrama]

4 hours ago, PerfectPrincess said:

Also, I think a lot of us called it that Colton was an “anything but” virgin. He fully admitted it in the FS TH. “I’ve done pretty much everything else”. So why is his virginity an entire thing? (I mean, what even IS virginity, really?)

That's a good question. I didn't have intercourse (penetration) until I was 21 (or 20? anyway, it was late), but I'd done everything else up to that point, including oral sex. I grew up under the assumption that if my hymen was broken before marriage that I was somehow less. Damaged goods. It was a cultural and family thing. When I finally had intercourse it was a HUGE relief. And not necessarily a letdown, but for making the actual act of penetration such a big deal all my life, I felt kind of silly. I've previously written about my male friend who was almost 30 when he lost his virginity. It's a weird thing. It's like you really build it up in your head for so long that eventually, even though you WANT to have sex, you can't because you've waited for so long that you don't want to do it with just some random person-especially after you did NOT do it with someone you loved in the past. 

[Mu Shu]

5 hours ago, kazza said:

I'm not sure if he was sexy, but Andrew Firestone had swagger. He knew himself and knew how to drive a conversation. I feel like the Navy officer had swagger, too.

Incidentally, I saw Jesse Palmer on the street recently. I don't remember thinking he was that great during his season, but he looked handsome in real life.

I’ll give you Firestone.  He even had a good career/income.  Not my type, but I can see the appeal.  I don’t know who the Navy officer is.  

I forgot Brad.  He was decent.

 I would say Colton falls below Brady Ben, but above Flapjack. 

[Mu Shu]

3 hours ago, Hpmec said:

I enjoyed when Cassie told Colton her dad had come by that afternoon and instead of the WTF? reaction one would reasonably expect (after all, Portugal is not a quick drive down the 405), it barely registered. Fleiss was all over that and Colton's familiar enough with the franchise to know that was totally producer driven to advance a storyline. 

I haven't been watchng this season but have a couple of observations after viewing tonight's shitshow. First, it is difficult to believe anyone so inarticulate is a speech pathologist. So I did a little internet research and determined that most recently Cassie has been working as a substitute teacher under what is known in California as an emergency credential. To the person upthread who commented on Cassie's good job, I speak from experience when I say that substitute teaching is a low paid, no benefits, part-time gig. To her credit, if she's being truthful, she's currently enrolled in an out of state grad school. Maybe she got into this on a lark and never expected to get this far. Or, as others suspect, she wanted the B'ette job and Colton was screwing up her chances. 

Second, if I was planning on dumping a virgin I knew was hot for me, I would not show up wearing a silver, off the shoulder, up to my ass mini dress. Poor Colton. Her dress said "Fuck me." Her mouth said something along the lines of "Like, I'm like so confused. Like, you know, I'm not there. I don't know where I am, but it's like not here." 

Did anyone notice that as Colton headed for the fence, the camera cut away for a second before the actual jump? I would not put it past Fleiss to have used a body double for the shot. This show has become so scripted, it's just laughable. 

I said she had a good job, assuming she was a speech pathologist.  Oh god, this actual moron is molding young minds, even on a temporary basis? 

Her family is angling for something.  Like, they like, think, like?  They could become? Like, Kardashians?  I don’t know, I don’t know?

shes so stupid that her good looks fall right off the radar.  Who leans up into a guy with her arm clinging to him during a break up she initiated?  Bad actress.  Sorry dumbass, but you get nothing but an online asswhupping from Bachelor Nation.  Your ass won’t be Bachelorette.