Part 2 of Darcey's Journey:
1. The best part about Jesse was his family's house. It's what I imagine it would look like if Betsey Johnson directed an orgy between Lisa Frank and the Keebler elves in Care-a-Lot.
2. Jesse wears more foundation than Darcey.
3. Ridiculing Darcey for bringing more than one suitcase? Sit your ass down, homeboy. You know it takes more than that just to cart around your hair styling products.
4. I never ever want to hear anyone referring to Jesse's "sexual chemistry" again. Ever.
5. Darcey did something weird to her face, right? I swear to God it's a completely different shape.
6. My 13 yo says that in Jesse's talking heads he talks to the audience like we, not he, don't fully comprehend English. Or this planet. Or life.
7. If Stepfather Jesse truly thinks that he's a "beautiful man" and that women throw underwear at him then he may need to lay off Amsterdam's finest.
8. Darcey had way more poise than I would've had at that dinner. When Stepfather asked what was in it for Jesse I'd have said, "I don't know. Maybe my big Connecticut house, money, ability to take off and jetset for weeks on end, and clothing design business?" He didn't have to know that the house and money belonged to her dad, HOE had been defunct for years, the TV show was actually just an intro filmed by her dad and uploaded to YouTube, and the ability to travel at any time came from not having a job...Wanker.
9. All that time "introducing" Jesse to her girls, talking about blending the family, ushering him into the stepfather role...and yet I can't remember a single conversation between her and Tom about either one of their children.
10. Jesse complaining about Darcey wanting to look "perfect" all the time. Well, no shit. The people you keep introducing her to can't wait to point out the age gap and discrepancies in their "beauty."