S05.E21: Introducing Mr. & Mrs. Schwartz

[OnceSane]

Quote

Lisa officiates Katie and Tom's wedding ceremony; Jax re-evaluates his relationship with Brittany; Ariana considers her relationship with Sandoval; Lisa offers the Toms a business opportunity; Scheana reveals a dark secret about her marriage.

[nexxie]

Awwww, sweet wedding!

[bosawks]

In the immortal words of Mel Brooks, "May the Schwartz be with them!"

[dosodog]

Sandavol!

Out of the 654 suitcases that you brought, not one had a hankerchief? 

A dog is not Kleenex young man.

Bonding over murder!  It made me smile and tear up a little.  Where's my dog.... 

We hear an iconic 80s song and it's not Poison Arrow?  Really?  I think that would have been delicious.

Edited March 28, 2017 by dosodog

[FlyingEgret]

Well, that did look like a fun reception.

I didn't see a photographer but I hope they find someway to remember their special day...

[bosawks]

Adriana's reaction to Tom being partners with Lisa was, basically, "I'm glad that Tom isn't such a total loser".......

[ivygirl]

Geez, the 50 minutes of this episode was so lovely. I cried far too much than VPR deserves. The sweet vows. Sandoval's tears. Kristen looking lovely. Stassi's comment about being the "the glue that everyone sniffed." The brother who gave the sweet speech and crossed himself when he was done. And the party that actually looked fun. Even freakin Jax, and Stassi/Ariana bonding. 

So glad Lala will be back next week to ruin everything.

[ExplainItAgain]

It was nice to see them all getting along, having fun together, no fights. FI Tom is ridiculous but in a fun way.

TomTom - hahahaha. It sounds like a Caribbean nightclub.

[editorgrrl]

17 minutes ago, dosodog said:

We hear an iconic 80s song and it's not Poison Arrow?  Really?  I think that would have been delicious.

For those who don't get the reference: http://www.bravotv.com/the-daily-dish/lisa-vanderpump-80s-music-video-vixen

LVP should've booked Boy George thru his agent (her RHoBH castmate, Paul Kemsley).

Sheana and Shay had separate bedrooms? I wouldn't want to sleep in that OTT room either.

[Primetimer]

And other dumb but important questions, like: Why didn't Katie throw her bouquet?

View the full article

[Marley]

Whoa the Shay and Scheana stuff. I don't think they are that good of actors so that was awkward to watch.

The wedding seemed like fun and I liked everyone having moments lol.

Sandoval was so excited about the bar it was super cute. Schwartz is an idiot. Someone is giving you an opportunity to maybe do something more and he freaks out at just the thought of it. He's just really lame sometimes.

[fliptopbox]

Way to go Scheana. It makes me happy to see she had the balls to confront Shay. And even though she said she will never truly know if he's using again....she knows enough. And it takes a strong person to walk away. I doubt this is what either of them wanted, but it had to be done.

And to any guy who might clean out my bank account.....oh you best believe I wouldn't be that nice and calm about it. I don't care where the money went. Fuck no to that horseshit. Shared account or not one party does not get to spend damn near every penny without having a financial "state of the union" conversation. It's one thing to agree, but we all know he did it behind Scheana's back.

Edited March 28, 2017 by fliptopbox

[Sun-Bun]

That actually looked like a very sweet and lovely yet FUN wedding...almost made me forget about how nasty the Bubbas' fights are.

Speaking of nasty fights, wow, Scheana and Shay...that was some intense awkwardness between them the entire episode and then culminating in the end like that? Geez...look at all that money blown on her own wedding just several years ago. Wonder what they did with all the blown up wedding pic canvas art?? Interesting how it was all gone from the walls in their last scene---guess they just filmed that scene strictly for the show.

Not gonna lie: I'd love to see Jax and Britney get married on the show. It'd be a redneck's dream!!

[ivygirl]

Re: Harbor Party and the PTV recap. "Yacht rock" is a thing. These cover bands play 70s/80s light rock (Toto, Christopher Cross, Hall and Oates, etc) and typically dress up like... that. That particular band was from LA. And I'm guessing they must be pals with the Schwartzes,  because why else drag them to Northern California, where there are other yacht rock bands?

Edited March 28, 2017 by ivygirl

[55Unicorns]

Well, gotta admit...can't wait for the reunion...

[annewithaneee]

My half-hearted googling couldn't find anything...Lisa wouldn't seriously 'partner' with the Toms on a restaurant, would she? It makes no sense other than a storyline for next season (which has to be the motivation, now that I think about it, to build next season all around TomTom or whatever the hell). It's not like they could meaningfully invest, neither one of them could manage anyone or anything, and I'm guessing they'd be actually on site for the absolutely bare minimum since their actual full-time jobs are being fameballs. And while they'd be semi-useful as social media promo for the place, and drawing Bravo tourists in...isn't that stealing SUR's shine? Especially if it's on the same block, it makes absolutely no sense. And it's really sad that poor Max is, by all accounts, working day in and out as a for-real busboy and can't even get a courtesy career-chat from mummy.

The Scheana and Shay thing was such a throwback to The Hills. I'm surprised that as Shay wheeled away his likely-empty suitcase, they didn't pan to Scheana crying a giant mascara-tracked tear while they played an acoustic cover of a Rihanna song or something. While I think the misery was real, the entire thing was contrived and arranged (because it kinda has to be, with the camera crews to transport and arrange and all), which I get is how these things work...but it's really gross for the end of your marriage. This was the one time to refuse to film. It's sad, but it's also shameless and a little funny (I'm a bad person, I snorted when she wiped her eyes and I got another glimpse at her "It's all happening" tattoo).

[55Unicorns]

24 minutes ago, Sun-Bun said:

That actually looked like a very sweet and lovely yet FUN wedding...almost made me forget about how nasty the Bubbas' fights are.

Speaking of nasty fights, wow, Scheana and Shay...that was some intense awkwardness between them the entire episode and then culminating in the end like that? Geez...look at all that money blown on her own wedding just several years ago. Wonder what they did with all the blown up wedding pic canvas art?? Interesting how it was all gone from the walls in their last scene---guess they just filmed that scene strictly for the show.

Not gonna lie: I'd love to see Jax and Britney get married on the show. It'd be a redneck's dream!!

God, I can almost imagine...

Had to laugh when Sandoval wiped his face on the damn DOG, lmao.

[racked]

Considering what a bridezilla Katie was all season she was seriously the most chill relaxed bride ever and that wedding looked seriously wonderful. Just a fun non stressful party to be at. Found myself hoping all the Bubba fights were drama for the show and not real. Lisa was very sweet officiating but I find it hard to believe she'd invest real money in a bar with the toms. FITom might be a good partner but don't count on Schwartz to be more than a face. 

Wow the Schaena/Shay end was ugly. I'm surprised he agreed to come back on camera. 

[jaybird2]

i just have to say, i love stassi!!!  she's so campy and over the top.  she really makes me laugh.

[dhilde85]

Stassi had some great zingers- whether you love her or hate her, the girl is funny.  Scheana and Shay not even sitting near each other at the wedding was awkward. The Stassi and Ariana scene was interesting- Stassi was practically salivating when Ariana started to cry. FI Tom and his trumpet... I think the saxophone player in the band was telling him to stop playing in his ear.

[whydoievencare]

Really loved everything about the wedding/reception/people!  Everyone behaved really well, looked like everyone was having a great time, loved all the sweet moments they showed.  Everyone was having an A+++ game:  loved Lisa's officiation of the ceremony, Tom S's vows, Jax tearing up at the ceremony and trying to punk Brittany afterwards, Stassi's and Ariana's moment - Stassi can be pretty damned funny and charming when she wants to.

[ninjago]

God, I wouldn't have even recognized Shay in that last scene with Scheana.  Good for her for standing firm and getting out.  Also, good for him for flat out saying he doesn't give a fuck what Lisa Vanderpump thinks!

Edited March 28, 2017 by ninjago

[WhosThatGirl]

Stassi is my favorite person on this show. It is interesting that I think she and Ariana could be friends but in real time and also per WWHL Ariana maintains she still doesn't like Stassi or something. It was all over twitter and Stassis podcast. My whole thing with Ariana and why I really don't like her is I just can't deal with the whole "too cool for school" attitude she seems to have about everything. It just bugs the hell out of me. Sometimes life is ridiculous and cheesy and you have to go with it.

Also I got tearyeyed at the wedding. The vows were so good.

Shays an ass. Sorry but true. I also love how he was all "yeah I take your money but that's nothing" wtf. Really?!?! He according to Schena cleaned out her bank account and he thinks that's fine.

[Petunia13]

Lisa looked so beautiful. 

[Sun-Bun]

7 hours ago, WhosThatGirl said:

Shays an ass. Sorry but true. I also love how he was all "yeah I take your money but that's nothing" wtf. Really?!?! He according to Schena cleaned out her bank account and he thinks that's fine.

Not just an ass, but Shay's also a pill-popping liar. Oh sure, you're up all night in the studio totally naturally, no drugs, just for the love of the beats and being "so passionate about something!" Yeah, he's sure passionate about his Adderall, alright.

I know Scheana's no picnic either and is a self-absorbed overdramatic shrew lost in her own little princess world, but she didn't deserve him completely ditching her for weeks on end and clearing out her bank account either. But because she "doesn't listen" and she doesn't support his "passion" that makes it okay? What a loser.

They were together for quite a few years before getting hitched and obviously loved each other once, but apparently they grew up and grew in completely different directions...which can often happen with couples who got together too young. She should be fine though; lord knows she has better dating prospects than poor Stassi.

I also think something is going on with the Schwartz triplets---they just seem a bit odd, not in an awkward way but in a special way. I definitely think they're somewhere on the spectrum too((I teach SPED and I immediately spotted a few clues)); just look at the way they seemed so clueless about dressing/preparing for such a occasion and their general interactions. Granted, that was too sweet of Tom & Jax to get them there to the wedding and brought a nice dose of kindness to the whole experience.

Edited March 28, 2017 by Sun-Bun

[Inspectabecky]

2 hours ago, annewithaneee said:

My half-hearted googling couldn't find anything...Lisa wouldn't seriously 'partner' with the Toms on a restaurant, would she? It makes no sense other than a storyline for next season (which has to be the motivation, now that I think about it, to build next season all around TomTom or whatever the hell). It's not like they could meaningfully invest, neither one of them could manage anyone or anything, and I'm guessing they'd be actually on site for the absolutely bare minimum since their actual full-time jobs are being fameballs. And while they'd be semi-useful as social media promo for the place, and drawing Bravo tourists in...isn't that stealing SUR's shine? Especially if it's on the same block, it makes absolutely no sense. And it's really sad that poor Max is, by all accounts, working day in and out as a for-real busboy and can't even get a courtesy career-chat from mummy.

The Scheana and Shay thing was such a throwback to The Hills. I'm surprised that as Shay wheeled away his likely-empty suitcase, they didn't pan to Scheana crying a giant mascara-tracked tear while they played an acoustic cover of a Rihanna song or something. While I think the misery was real, the entire thing was contrived and arranged (because it kinda has to be, with the camera crews to transport and arrange and all), which I get is how these things work...but it's really gross for the end of your marriage. This was the one time to refuse to film. It's sad, but it's also shameless and a little funny (I'm a bad person, I snorted when she wiped her eyes and I got another glimpse at her "It's all happening" tattoo).

 Forget filming the breakup being shameless but she's actually been promoting the scenes on social media! It's like she doesn't have enough brains or shame to realize famewhores usually pretend they hate that the cameras caught this type of stuff or "they signed up so they have to" spin.  She's actually excited about it, makes me cringe.

 Apparently they went back after the season wrapped to include the divorce storyline. On some podcast Scheana said those pickup scenes were filmed in October,  when was the wedding? 

[Inspectabecky]

Holy shit Shay's jaw is working overtime from the second he sits down.

[walnutqueen]

Those wedding vows were awful.  Quelle surprise.

[glowbug]

1 hour ago, Sun-Bun said:

Not just an ass, but Shay's also a pill-popping liar. Oh sure, you're up all night in the studio totally naturally, no drugs, just for the love of the beats and being "so passionate about something!" Yeah, he's sure passionate about his barbiturates, alright.

Barbiturates are downers and are prescribed (though rarely these days) for anxiety and sleep so I doubt Shay was up all night on barbiturates. Adderall, which Scheana suspected he was on, is an amphetamine. It would also explain his weight loss. Stassi has admitted that one of the reasons she was so much thinner in the early seasons is that she was addicted to Adderall and plenty of people take it to lose weight and/or stay thin.

That scene between Scheana and Shay at the end was so obviously a "reenactment". It wasn't organic or natural. The pain and the hurt was real but they had obviously already decided to split and hashed everything out previously. I'm going to reserve judgment of what happened between Scheana and Shay because the show is going to take Scheana's side. She has more control over the narrative than he does because he's not a cast member. TPTB must have paid him a ton of money to come back and film that scene and show up at the reunion. I can think of no other reason why he would agree to either.

Tom and Katie's wedding was beautiful and it did look like a lot of fun. I think there are serious issues between them (we've seen some of it in previous seasons as well as this one) but I also believe some of the drama earlier in the season was exaggerated if not totally made up for the show. Vanderpump Rules is their job and the more dramatic they are the more screen time they get and the more likely it is they'll be asked back next season.

I can't bring myself to care about the Stassi/Ariana scene since I know they are not friendly currently thanks to interviews and social media. I am no Ariana fan but she is by far the most physically attractive person on this show. Kristen is looking so much better this season (actually, it was the reunion last season where I first thought she looked better). The work she had done because of that drunk Uber injury was a big improvement, although I still wouldn't call her attractive. I thought it was sweet that Schwartz gave a shout out to Kristen for introducing him and Katie because he knows how much pride she takes in that and how much it would mean to her to be acknowledged. 

Lisa asking Tom and Tom to go into business with her was so contrived. It's obviously just a storyline either for next season or for a spinoff. Either way, I'm not excited about it. It sounds like a boring storyline. The show is most interesting to me when the cast is interacting with each other so a solo project for any of them that eats up a lot of time just doesn't interest me. I also have no desire to see Tom Sandoval try to "run" a business.

It was great having a James and Lala free episode. Neither of them were missed.

I can't wait for the reunion. 

Edited March 28, 2017 by glowbug

[ivygirl]

I'm gonna reserve judgment on Shay being sober in the studio. I have friends who will similarly be in the studio until the wee hours, and I know for certain that they are (as the kids say) sober AF. So yeah, it can be done. People who are super into production and recording can almost get lost in it. 

Dont get me wrong, it's super terrible to take your wife's money and disappear for a week. I'm not excusing that. But her very reaction to his claims of sobriety (DONT LIE! YOU'RE USING!!!) were part of the problem because yeah... she DOESN'T listen. 

And I generally like LVP but if my spouse constantly invoked her name, I'd end up saying the same thing Shay did -- I don't care, she has her own kids.

Edited March 28, 2017 by ivygirl

[yourmomiseasy]

Well fuck me if that wedding didn't just pull me in and make me root for Tom and Katie.  My dead shriveled heart grew 2 sizes tonight.

Jax was winning me over this season until that cruel prank he pulled on Brittany.  At first I was cringing because who dumps someone at a wedding and then I was mad because it was a super lame joke.  I guess at least he told her he plans on marrying her some day because that's what she wants.

I wouldn't go to SUR or Pump, but I'm totally lame enough to go to TomTom and like it.  Schwartz being an idiot about it reminded me of my 9 year old nephew.  My dad wants to send him to sailing camp for a week this summer and he's like "nah." for reason just as lame as Schwartz.  Admittedly sailing camp isn't as awesome as someone just handing you what could turn out to be a lucrative career, but whatever, they are both idiot children.

Katie's brother/brothers (can't tell if there was more than one) looked like they might be cute.  I couldn't get a good enough look to decide.

Not that Shay isn't on drugs, but I don't do drugs and stay up all night all the time.  When I lived in an apartment and I was doing laundry and cleaning at 3am I was always self conscious that my neighbors probably thought I was a speed freak.  If I'm not in bed by midnight I get a second wind and am wide awake all night and I'm never in bed before midnight because I'm usually busy.  I'm more alert at night than during the day and it is kind of shitty because I have early morning meetings almost every day.  On that note I'm going to try to get to sleep because I've got a meeting in 6 hours.

Edited March 28, 2017 by yourmomiseasy

[Ubiquitous]

9 hours ago, bosawks said:

In the immortal words of Mel Brooks, "May the Schwartz be with them!"

You beat me to it!

I still wonder what the deal with the triplets is. The camera continuing to suddenly cut away from them seemed odd to me.

FI Tom was totally annoying the band members by blowing that dwarf trumpet in their ears.

"I'm not the glue that holds everyone together; I'm the glue everyone sniffs"? WTF?

Super-successful businesswoman Lisa Vanderbucks wants the Toms to manage her newest restaurant. Yeah, good luck with that!

Schemer and Shay's divorce reenactment was awkward to watch. I honestly don't know if he staid in the studio all night b/c of the drugs or his dedication to "making beats" or he couldn't stand being with Schemer (my theory), but she was convinced it was drugs and not letting go of that bone. I have to admit him telling her that millionaire mother Lisa Vanderbucks should mind her own business was a "Hell yeah!" moment for me. Oh yeah, his line about Schemer finding something to be passionate about was kinda awesome, too.

4 hours ago, glowbug said:

It was great having a James and Lala free episode. Neither of them were missed.

I can't wait for the reunion. 

I totally forgot they weren't there until the scenes from the reunion with LaLa were shown. I am somewhat eager to see what she had to say and the can o' worms that'll open.

[DrSparkles]

The glue that holds everyone together vs the glue everyone sniffs -- BWAH!!!!!

Jax sayning he didn't cry, Sandoval is the crier --- BWAH!!!

Arianna continuing to be mean to Stassi, boring.

Jax pranking Brittany -- shitty.

that band sucked, gove me a DJ playing disco/dance music!!!!!

i will steal some of Lisa's material for the next wedding I officiate!!

was Scheaner driving a Porsche???

I tend to believe Shay, he held eye contact. Scheana didn't need to wear 3 lbs of mascara for a crying meeting. He left w one suitcase?????

[Sai]

7 hours ago, WhosThatGirl said:

Stassi is my favorite person on this show. It is interesting that I think she and Ariana could be friends but in real time and also per WWHL Ariana maintains she still doesn't like Stassi or something. It was all over twitter and Stassis podcast. My whole thing with Ariana and why I really don't like her is I just can't deal with the whole "too cool for school" attitude she seems to have about everything. It just bugs the hell out of me. Sometimes life is ridiculous and cheesy and you have to go with it.

Also I got tearyeyed at the wedding. The vows were so good.

Shays an ass. Sorry but true. I also love how he was all "yeah I take your money but that's nothing" wtf. Really?!?! He according to Schena cleaned out her bank account and he thinks that's fine.

I like Stassi also.  I enjoyed the chat between her and Ariana.  I hope they become friends.  Ariana was really laughing when they were talking about murder.  I've never seen her laugh like that before.  They have enough in common to be good friends and their personalities are different enough to balance each other out.

[ghoulina]

Ok guys, I feel like this is a safe space, so I feel comfortable admitting it - I teared up during the vows!!! There, I said it. I couldn't help myself! Schwartz's, especially, I found very touching. Despite the mounds of dysfunction, he does seem to really love her. 

I also need to admit - I could really get on board with Arianna/Stassi. I think they are actually a lot alike and could be good friends if they stopped being so bitchy. 

Jax and his pants splitting and faux dumping his girlfriend at a wedding - you can't take this cad anywhere! 

The entire wedding segment was sweet, light hearted, and fun. Sandoval busting out his trumpet with the band! Kristen declaring she's not ovulating! What the what what????

Tom-Tom is clearly for a spinoff, to continue the LVP brand. I don't really think she'd have the Toms as business partners. But I would watch. 

 

What I don't want to watch any more of is the Shay breakup. It's just depressing. It's very rare that the dissolution of a marriage is one sided. I know they have both contributed. But given that this is Scheana's show, I just feel like we're going to hear what she wants us to hear - so I feel like I can't make a fair judgment. I do feel Scheana is very self-centered and surface. She kept commenting that she didn't know where her husband was during the wedding. But then you'd see her throwing back shots and dancing; it's not like she was trying very hard to find him. I can totally buy that she never listens to him, ignores him, uses him, dismisses him. I've seen it. But his reaction is really infantile. I get why he did it. But you can't just run off on your wife and abandon all communication. I think these two were just a mismatch from the beginning. Sigh....

[Juliegirlj]

I felt like the breakup scene was scripted and fake, BUT, Scheana was breaking out in hives so the emotion was real. So great when Shay said he doesn't give a shit what LVP says.  Poor Shay had to walk out schlepping a bright purple suitcase..... 

All the Schwartz boys, Tom included, are operating on one cylinder..

I hate myself for saying this but Sandoval was cute when he said he loves love. 

Carter is weird. 

[urusai]

1 hour ago, DrSparkles said:

was Scheaner driving a Porsche???

Nah that was a Nissan 350Z.

[bichonblitz]

Not feeling sorry for Scheana. She had a new boyfriend like 2 seconds after Shay walked out the door with his sad little suitcase and I'm already sick of all the photo's on DailyMail of the two of them so happy and in love. Scheana is just one of those people that can not be alone. Ever. 

[Juliegirlj]

I agree, Scheana is so extra, and about as authentic as a $3 bill. She was looking to one up Shay right after their wedding. 

They probably were bound by contract to not break the 4th wall, so no discussion about Scheana putting the show and fame before their relationship. 

As sad as it is to see a marriage end, and I did feel sad for Shay because he does seem to really love Scheana, they are not well suited for each other, so it was likely doomed from the start. Better it happen now, so Shay can get on with his life. 

Scheana left skid marks on her divorce and got busy with a new and improved man...

[janie2002]

I tend to side with Shay, just because we've seen how "supportive" Sheana has been about his recovery and his feelings. It is always about her. I think he really did love her and this might hurt him like hell, but he is going to find someone else and probably be happy. I think Scheana will date fall in love but be to self centered to make it work with most guys specially in LA. 

Was it them or The Schartz that talked about eventually moving back home( out of LALA land) and starting a family. If it was Shay, then maybe he felt he lost his wife to the fame and those plans were never going to happen anymore. She is dating some actor now and being an Instafamous type girl.  They divorced in December? So she didnt wait a beat. 

I hope we do see him at the reunion and get some of his side. Also good for him saying Eff what Lisa has to say, she only knows what Scheana tells her so she isn't impartial.

[Duke2801]

The wedding reception did look like a lot of fun. I've never heard of "yacht rock" but I feel like I've found a new genre to explore.  I don't like Stassi in general but I agree that she has some funny one-liners, and she was fairly likeable last night. Admittedly, I do share her interest in the paranormal and serial murderers; therefore, I was legit LOL-ing at the conversation between she and Arianna at the wedding.

7 hours ago, walnutqueen said:

Those wedding vows were awful.  Quelle surprise.

Oh I so agree.  But to be fair, I kind of cringe in embarrassment anytime anybody writes their own vows.  They are usually so lame and cheesy.  Thinking about it though, I've probably been to 100 weddings in my life.  OK maybe not that many, but a lot. And I honest-to-goodness don't think I've ever been to one where the bride and groom wrote their own vows.  It really seems to be more of a TV thing (both scripted and reality). 

56 minutes ago, Juliegirlj said:

I felt like the breakup scene was scripted and fake, BUT, Scheana was breaking out in hives so the emotion was real. So great when Shay said he doesn't give a shit what LVP says.  Poor Shay had to walk out schlepping a bright purple suitcase..... 

All the Schwartz boys, Tom included, are operating on one cylinder..

I hate myself for saying this but Sandoval was cute when he said he loves love. 

Carter is weird. 

I thought Scheanna seemed genuinely sad in the scene with LVP.  But in the scene with Shay, she seemed like she was faking it.  Now, Shay, on the other hand, seemed truly upset to me. But Scheanna looked like she was doing the classic "crying but not a drop of tear to be scene" reality show fake out.  I wouldn't be surprised if she wasn't already schtuping that new guy by the time that last scene was filmed.

[chick binewski]

11 hours ago, annewithaneee said:

My half-hearted googling couldn't find anything...Lisa wouldn't seriously 'partner' with the Toms on a restaurant, would she? It makes no sense other than a storyline for next season (which has to be the motivation, now that I think about it, to build next season all around TomTom or whatever the hell). It's not like they could meaningfully invest, neither one of them could manage anyone or anything, and I'm guessing they'd be actually on site for the absolutely bare minimum since their actual full-time jobs are being fameballs. And while they'd be semi-useful as social media promo for the place, and drawing Bravo tourists in...isn't that stealing SUR's shine? Especially if it's on the same block, it makes absolutely no sense. And it's really sad that poor Max is, by all accounts, working day in and out as a for-real busboy and can't even get a courtesy career-chat from mummy.

The Scheana and Shay thing was such a throwback to The Hills. I'm surprised that as Shay wheeled away his likely-empty suitcase, they didn't pan to Scheana crying a giant mascara-tracked tear while they played an acoustic cover of a Rihanna song or something. While I think the misery was real, the entire thing was contrived and arranged (because it kinda has to be, with the camera crews to transport and arrange and all), which I get is how these things work...but it's really gross for the end of your marriage. This was the one time to refuse to film. It's sad, but it's also shameless and a little funny (I'm a bad person, I snorted when she wiped her eyes and I got another glimpse at her "It's all happening" tattoo).

I don't know how Tom & Tom could actually give minimal attention to a restaurant. Schwartz would be busy managing Katie's liquor intake and Sandoval would have to flee the premises any time a former hookup walked in. And I was also snorting at the shot of Schaena's arm during her talk with Shay. The entire VPR cast is a lesson in tattoo don'ts.  

8 hours ago, walnutqueen said:

Those wedding vows were awful.  Quelle surprise.

I was cringing. I know many were moved by the wedding scenes for the past two episodes but after watching Tom & Katie tear at each other for months I wasn't even that interested in watching the ceremony at all. Lisa's self-referencing and Tom & Katie continually citing their arguments didn't help. Also, the vocal-fry trend is annoying enough on twentysomething hipsters; LVP sounded ridiculous during the ceremony.

6 hours ago, ivygirl said:

And I generally like LVP but if my spouse constantly invoked her name, I'd end up saying the same thing Shay did -- I don't care, she has her own kids.

I kind of loved Shay for saying that. 

[pbutler111]

The wedding reception did look like a lot of fun. I've never heard of "yacht rock" but I feel like I've found a new genre to explore.  I don't like Stassi in general but I agree that she has some funny one-liners, and she was fairly likeable last night. Admittedly, I do share her interest in the paranormal and serial murderers; therefore, I was legit LOL-ing at the conversation between she and Arianna at the wedding.

  8 hours ago, walnutqueen said:

Those wedding vows were awful.  Quelle surprise.

Oh I so agree.  But to be fair, I kind of cringe in embarrassment anytime anybody writes their own vows.  They are usually so lame and cheesy.  Thinking about it though, I've probably been to 100 weddings in my life.  OK maybe not that many, but a lot. And I honest-to-goodness don't think I've ever been to one where the bride and groom wrote their own vows.  It really seems to be more of a TV thing (both scripted and reality). 

  1 hour ago, Juliegirlj said:

I felt like the breakup scene was scripted and fake, BUT, Scheana was breaking out in hives so the emotion was real. So great when Shay said he doesn't give a shit what LVP says.  Poor Shay had to walk out schlepping a bright purple suitcase..... 

All the Schwartz boys, Tom included, are operating on one cylinder..

I hate myself for saying this but Sandoval was cute when he said he loves love. 

Carter is weird. 

I thought Scheanna seemed genuinely sad in the scene with LVP.  But in the scene with Shay, she seemed like she was faking it.  Now, Shay, on the other hand, seemed truly upset to me. But Scheanna looked like she was doing the classic "crying but not a drop of tear to be scene" reality show fake out.  I wouldn't be surprised if she wasn't already schtuping that new guy by the time that last scene was filmed.

I wish couples would actually stop calling these altar speeches "vows". There are very rarely any vows involved. These things usually turn into (a) a really bad stand-up routine; (b) an Oscar acceptance speech caliber list of thank-yous; (c) a blubbering declaration of eternal love. Whichever it is -- a, b, or c -- I loathe them all.

I didn't notice a ring exchange during the ceremony. Did I just miss that part?

I noticed that "crying-face-but-no-tears" thing about Scheana in that last scene with Shay. She seemed very dismissive. Granted, he seems challenged in ways that probably aren't all drug-related, but he deserved at least a real conversation before getting shown the door.

[Juliegirlj]

Did anyone else notice the rash/ hives Scheana had in parts of her scene with Shay? Her chest was blotchy and at one point her right arm had a red blotchy rash all over it. She was scratching and rubbing at it a bit. 

It did seem like Scheana and Shay's discussion was indeed the same day as her visit with LVP- her makeup and jewelry were the same, and her hair looked the same, except she had it pulled up. 

When they were packing to go to the wedding ( last episode)  I heard Shay say something about when he does Scheana's laundry he can never tell what kinds of clothing he's washing.... 

Sandoval seemed like a supportive friend to Shay in the past, but Shay said their friends don't treat him with respect. 

[Neeners]

I really liked this episode.

I don't know why, but every time I see Jax dance it sort of makes me giggle. He really gets into it more than I expect.

[ghoulina]

1 hour ago, Duke2801 said:

Oh I so agree.  But to be fair, I kind of cringe in embarrassment anytime anybody writes their own vows.  They are usually so lame and cheesy. 

They may seem lame and cheesy to us, but the other person is always blubbering when their intended reads them, so I tend to think that's all that matters. 

 

1 hour ago, Duke2801 said:

I thought Scheanna seemed genuinely sad in the scene with LVP.  But in the scene with Shay, she seemed like she was faking it.  Now, Shay, on the other hand, seemed truly upset to me. But Scheanna looked like she was doing the classic "crying but not a drop of tear to be scene" reality show fake out.  I wouldn't be surprised if she wasn't already schtuping that new guy by the time that last scene was filmed.

Shay looked, to me, like he was really hoping they'd give it another try and when she said she was filing for divorce he looked genuinely devastated. It may have been a reenactment, and I hope it was (announcing your divorce on camera is low), but his pain looked incredibly real. I think Shay dearly loved her (for some reason) and was really hoping to call her bluff and her to, for once, fight for him. But nope. Granted, that's an immature way to handle it, but I certainly did immature things in my 20s when I was hurt by someone I loved. 

[pbutler111]

23 minutes ago, ghoulina said:

They may seem lame and cheesy to us, but the other person is always blubbering when their intended reads them, so I tend to think that's all that matters. 

 

Shay looked, to me, like he was really hoping they'd give it another try and when she said she was filing for divorce he looked genuinely devastated. It may have been a reenactment, and I hope it was (announcing your divorce on camera is low), but his pain looked incredibly real. I think Shay dearly loved her (for some reason) and was really hoping to call her bluff and her to, for once, fight for him. But nope. Granted, that's an immature way to handle it, but I certainly did immature things in my 20s when I was hurt by someone I loved. 

While Shay certainly has seemed disconnected from Scheana for a long time (and how could he not be, when she's so entirely self-involved), I haven't gotten the sense that he's been chemically altered, at least not in front of the cameras.  I'm wondering if any of that's true, or if that was just a convenient story Scheana threw out there to justify her abrupt exit from a relationship she'd grown tired of.

[Stiggs]

The wedding was sweet, and this whole episode was pretty good. I think their vows were a little much, but hey, whatever works. Schwartz's 2-speech brother cracked me up. The speeches were funny - however, if it were my wedding and someone starting dropping f-bombs in the vicinity of my Aunt Ruth, I would have tackled the speaker to get him or her off the stage. Mixed-company language, people! Good lord. 

The scene with Stassi and Ariana made me like Ariana for the first time. That, and Ariana's tears at the prospect of Sandoval having an opportunity for something other than bartending, I think really sort of voiced the true core of all of them - as much fun as they have, none of them have achieved the goals they set, they're all in their 30s now (or close) and shit is getting real. I think that's why they all stay together regardless of what happens. They're all in the same boat. I don't mean to say that they have horrible lives or aren't successful, just that I think they wanted other things for themselves. 

The Scheana/Shay stuff - I can't look at any of it objectively. Scheana has some relationship karma coming to her, so I have a very difficult time sympathizing with her on anything. I just cannot stand her and think she might be a well-mannered sociopath. I can't be sad for her. But Shay is a dick. Is all that time "in the studio" paid? His draining of the bank account and going MIA are inexcusable, and he also got what he had coming to him. But I just think they are both shit human beings, so I am officially not on a side. They're both gross, and Shay is clearly on something. 

And I need Tom Tom to be a thing, now. Each meal should come with a complimentary forehead shaving. 

[Ubiquitous]

I think "Yacht Rock" was the name of the band, not a genre, which was "dance music you play on a boat". Where was the minister and why was multitalented millionaire Lisa Vanderbucks performing the ceremony? I guess judging by what she was wearing, she may have been a clergyman of the Church of the maître di, but I am doubtful...

[jaync]

Aww, Bubbas. *sniff*

Quote

Kristen declaring she's not ovulating! What the what what????

Oh, man. Is Carter seriously wanting to knock her up?

That was the best I recall Kristen's hair ever looking. A little shampoo goes a long way!

Lisa's proposal and the 80s music made me think of Tom Tom Club.

Quote

Considering what a bridezilla Katie was all season she was seriously the most chill relaxed bride ever and that wedding looked seriously wonderful.

Getting that weed card was one of the best decisions she's made.

The Shays, Billy's toasts...oy.