The Duggalos: Jinger and the Holy Goalie

[Portia]

It's not like adoring your wife is unscriptual. The Song of Solomon involves what I'd describe as a guy who's gaga over his woman. And then there's Proverbs 5:18-19, which my husband loves to quote (rendered here in the KJV cuz we all know that's best): 

"Let thy fountain be blessed: and rejoice with the wife of thy youth. Let her be as the loving hind and pleasant roe; let her breasts satisfy thee at all times; and be thou always ravished with her love."

Edited April 27, 2018 by Portia

[xwordfanatik]

9 hours ago, humbleopinion said:

Looks too much like a  "Michelle adoration" pose...Babe is not feeling this pix...his lunch must be getting cold or worse... late.....

My mind went immediately to...Jinj is not "joyfully available" due to doctors' orders?  Just a wild guess, but Jer seems to me, to be the kind of guy that does not like his normal routine disrupted, and can't quite hide his reaction.  

[louannems]

[LilJen]

Prominent Nike swooshes on Babe's shoes. NIKE!!

[lookeyloo]

The comments are so interesting. Derick had a snarky response to someone on the picture of babe gazing at babe. 

[Catfin]

2 hours ago, lookeyloo said:

The comments are so interesting. Derick had a snarky response to someone on the picture of babe gazing at babe. 

Couldn't find it. Can you summarize? ❤️

[EVS]

The only comments I could find were from Derdick Dillard.

[Temperance]

5 hours ago, LilJen said:

Prominent Nike swooshes on Babe's shoes. NIKE!!

And one on his shirt!

I find the picture of Jer and Jin so odd. If I had a photo like that, I wouldn't share it. What gets me the most is that it's not a quick selfie, they spent time setting it up. In some ways it looks she's posing with a cardboard cutout. 

[lookeyloo]

2 hours ago, EVS said:

The only comments I could find were from Derdick Dillard.

I must have mis-read then!

[awaken]

did she get #paid for the #potbelly #post?

[farmgal4]

I think Jinger has pierced the cartilage at the top of her right ear.  Enlarge her newest picture on IG (she’s standing in front of Potbelly sandwich shop), and tell me what you think.

[The Ascension]

I don't get the Potbelly picture. Her caption is "I guess this is what happens when you decide to eat at Potbelly."

 

Uhhh, what happened? You made that funny face?

[Ohiopirate02]

39 minutes ago, The Ascension said:

I don't get the Potbelly picture. Her caption is "I guess this is what happens when you decide to eat at Potbelly."

 

Uhhh, what happened? You made that funny face?

I think she is trying to imply that her real baby is a food baby.

[Lunera]

 

A description of the book:

Quote

 

Why do the nicest women pick guys who let them down for one reason or another? The answers are not always straightforward. For some women, the issue is as simple as not really thinking through what they’re looking for or should be looking for in a man. Others feel they’d rather be with someone (and pretty much anyone will do) than be alone, while still others are unconsciously replicating patterns of bad relationships they learned in childhood or from traumatic experiences and don’t know how to stop the cycle. Deepak Reju, writing from his years of experience as a pastor and a counselor, shares with women his perspective on how to assess a relationship’s strengths from the beginning, how to identity possible pitfalls, and how to have the courage to not just “settle” but to wait for a relationship that will be a blessing to both of you.

[BitterApple]

Is that a paid promo? Why would she be reading a book about dating the wrong guy when she's already married?

Also, the Duggar method of courtship is the absolute antithesis of what you should be doing if you want to find and develop a healthy relationship, so this is rather interesting.

Edited April 28, 2018 by BitterApple

[DangerousMinds]

5 hours ago, Temperance said:

And one on his shirt!

I find the picture of Jer and Jin so odd. If I had a photo like that, I wouldn't share it. What gets me the most is that it's not a quick selfie, they spent time setting it up. In some ways it looks she's posing with a cardboard cutout. 

I agree! That pic is truly disturbing.

She's reading it with women from her church? What church? Jeremy's? I thought his church was tiny.

[bigskygirl]

I find it funny and ironic about the part others feel they'd rather be with someone (and pretty much anyone will do) than be alone when they marry the first guy they court. Plus their father picked their future husbands. None of the Duggars are qualified to give relationship advice period.

[The Ascension]

Jeremy & Jinger were probably so self-congratulatory about their love, their high standing and godly wisdom as a married couple, and how THEY didn't make any mistakes that were discussed in the book, when they read that book.

Edited April 28, 2018 by The Ascension

[kalamac]

1 hour ago, BitterApple said:

Is that a paid promo? Why would she be reading a book about dating the wrong guy when she's already married?

Also, the Duggar method of courtship is the absolute antithesis of what you should be doing if you want to find and develop a healthy relationship, so this is rather interesting.

Jeremy handing Jinger the book "and this is why your sister is with that asshole Derrick".

[DragonFaerie]

4 minutes ago, kalamac said:

Jeremy handing Jinger the book "and this is why your sister is with that asshole Derrick".

YES!  I read that and all I could think of was, have you given this book to your sister Jill????  Seriously dudette, after reading this you should rent a van, grab Jill and the kids when Derick is running or at school and take them back to TX.  Then have Jill put into professional mental health therapy to understand why she's not in a good place.

[bigskygirl]

Jill and JB were not completely honest with Derick when he was first introduced to Jill. She put on a phony act to get his attention. She should take some of the blame for the marriage having some serious problems. I would not want Jeremy and Jinger to step in and try to help her and Derick because quite frankly I am not buying my marriage is so perfect, my wife is so perfect, and my husband is so perfect line they are selling to the general public. In some ways, it is just as bad as Jill pretending everything is fine and dandy with Derick and their marriage. Plus the fact Jinger and Jeremy do not have the skills and experience to counsel anyone on marriage and parenthood especially where their call to glory is the fact they waited one whole year before getting pregnant.

Edited April 29, 2018 by bigskygirl

[Temperance]

According to the reviews, it gives little to no advice to established married couples. It is strickly for women on to find and chose a husband. It would have no value to Derick/Jill. 

(Based on reviews). It's a pretty mainstream Christian text. It categorizes guys into types and then advises women whether this guy is right.  The dating ideals are how my fundie-lite friends manage their love lives. You can go on a few dates, but you should sizing up him immediately as to whether he would be a good husband. No serious relationships that aren't headed toward marriage. A few types of guys you should avoid. (Including shy guys and control freaks.) 

Jinger is either reading it as part of a book club or to get ideas on to advise young women with their dating lives. As the pastor's wife, young women may turn to her for advice, especially since she is young and seems relatable. Since Jer's church is not IBLP, her families's dating/courtship style may be too formal and extreme for his church. It may give her ideas on how to relate to women pursuing a more normal style of dating.  (No idea on pastor's wives myself, being heathen Catholic.)

Jeremy's church did seem to include several youngish woman/girls who would be the target market for such a book. I have a similar book written by women from The Bachelor. It was fun to read. Jinger's book also looks like light, easy, and enjoyable (although I probably wouldn't read it).  It's too mainstream for her parents, so good for her! 

[irisheyes]

Doing a book/Bible study definitely falls under the “things a pastor’s wife does” category. At least she chose something mainstream and not the stupid Prince Charming book. 

[mynextmistake]

Jinger’s skin looks terrible in that photo, almost as bad as it was in the TTH. Could be pregnancy hormones, I guess? That book sounds like something a teen/college women’s ministry group would read together. As the pastor’s wife at a small church Jinger would be expected to participate in (if not lead) that kind of group so I don’t think it’s weird she posted about it on Instagram. 

[GeeGolly]

10 hours ago, BitterApple said:

Is that a paid promo? Why would she be reading a book about dating the wrong guy when she's already married?

Also, the Duggar method of courtship is the absolute antithesis of what you should be doing if you want to find and develop a healthy relationship, so this is rather interesting.

So true! However the Duggars think they have it right with their 1000 question questionnaire. 

I'd love to know what JB & M and the married Duggar kids think about their marriages and if they truly believe the pairings are all successful.  

[Broken Ox]

10 hours ago, Temperance said:

Based on reviews). It's a pretty mainstream Christian text. It categorizes guys into types and then advises women whether this guy is right.  The dating ideals are how my fundie-lite friends manage their love lives. You can go on a few dates, but you should sizing up him immediately as to whether he would be a good husband. No serious relationships that aren't headed toward marriage. A few types of guys you should avoid. (Including shy guys and control freaks.) 

I get no control freaks (although I don't know how a Dugger girl would know; that's just "dad" in their world) but why no shy guys?

[Ohiopirate02]

38 minutes ago, Broken Ox said:

I get no control freaks (although I don't know how a Dugger girl would know; that's just "dad" in their world) but why no shy guys?

I remember from another fundy dating manual that a woman should never pursue a man.  Men are supposed to pursue the woman and women are supposed to wait for the man.  A "shy guy" would not be a real man in their world.  The man must be in control at all times.

[Churchhoney]

2 hours ago, GeeGolly said:

So true! However the Duggars think they have it right with their 1000 question questionnaire. 

I'd love to know what JB & M and the married Duggar kids think about their marriages and if they truly believe the pairings are all successful.  

Unfortunately, "think" or "allow self to countenance an honest appraisal of a Duggar-related thing" aren't activities any of them actually knows how to do (or is willing to do, mostly). .... Plus, they all seem to believe that the JB & M pairing is not just successful but maybe the biggest baddest most spec-dilly-dum-dum-tacular success out of all marriages on the planet. .... And I beg to differ. 

[doodlebug]

41 minutes ago, Ohiopirate02 said:

I remember from another fundy dating manual that a woman should never pursue a man.  Men are supposed to pursue the woman and women are supposed to wait for the man.  A "shy guy" would not be a real man in their world.  The man must be in control at all times.

Yep, I could see them claiming that a shy husband is going to have trouble being the headship and leading the family.  I suspect that they’d also turn it back on the woman and claim that marriage to an introvert would tempt a less introverted woman to step into the gap and take the lead role in decision making.  Jesus doesn’t like uppity wimmin.

[Zella]

Fundamentalism is not kind to introverts.  I'm very introverted and have been around fundies peripherally. As a general rule, normal introvert behaviors, like wanting some alone time to decompress or feeling overwhelmed in a large crowd and withdrawing, are regarded as weird and even difficult behavior.

At the Christian college I attended,  which was overrun with fundies, my tendency to walk alone at night and want to eat alone were regarded as very suspect. I had multiple people try to intervene, including one who, in all seriousness,  asked if I was suicidal because I was walking alone at night. I was like, "No, just enjoying the night air and my Pink Floyd!" They also didn't understand not wanting to be at social events--it was seen as willfulness, not being disinterested. 

I've always wondered if all the stuff Jana did in the house was partially a defense mechanism. I would get out of visiting with people by doing dishes in my non fundie home.  

In their world, it's not acceptable to ask to be left alone, but volunteering to hide by doing all the work in a lazy family is acceptable because someone needs to do it and you might get some badly needed alone time to recharge.

[awaken]

40 minutes ago, Zella said:

Fundamentalism is not kind to introverts.  I'm very introverted and have been around fundies peripherally. As a general rule, normal introvert behaviors, like wanting some alone time to decompress or feeling overwhelmed in a large crowd and withdrawing, are regarded as weird and even difficult behavior.

At the Christian college I attended,  which was overrun with fundies, my tendency to walk alone at night and want to eat alone were regarded as very suspect. I had multiple people try to intervene, including one who, in all seriousness,  asked if I was suicidal because I was walking alone at night. I was like, "No, just enjoying the night air and my Pink Floyd!" They also didn't understand not wanting to be at social events--it was seen as willfulness, not being disinterested. 

I've always wondered if all the stuff Jana did in the house was partially a defense mechanism. I would get out of visiting with people by doing dishes in my non fundie home.  

In their world, it's not acceptable to ask to be left alone, but volunteering to hide by doing all the work in a lazy family is acceptable because someone needs to do it and you might get some badly needed alone time to recharge.

100% agree with you here, as an introvert who used to live in fundy circles.  Camp, college, social events take on a whole different meaning. 

[madpsych78]

14 hours ago, kalamac said:

Jeremy handing Jinger the book "and this is why your sister is with that asshole Derrick".

I was going to state something about that this could apply to Anna and Smuggar, but I think in their case, Anna is more conservative than Smuggar and perhaps there should have been a book for guys for not settling down with the first woman they meet that should have been given to Smuggar.

[JocelynCavanaugh]

Your friendly neighborhood introvert here, just popping in to remind everyone that introversion and shyness are not the same thing AT ALL! I’m very introverted and definitely not shy. I need a LOT of time alone but when I am around people I’m outgoing and “normal” (whatever that means). It’s totally possible to be a shy extrovert, too.

I do know what @awaken means, though — that emphasis on “community” is exhausting! There’s a book out now called Blessed Are the Misfits that addresses this. I haven’t read it yet because I’m kind of afraid it will open up some stuff I’d been avoiding, but I think it’s an important message: Christian introverts are not living in sin and rebellion!

I still really hate the word “fundie” (it reminds me of people who call Pakistanis “Pakis”), but in my experience in evangelical churches, there was a belief than men should pursue women. It wasn’t framed as the man having “control,” though. Women had plenty of power to say no or slow down at any point. It’s not necessarily how I’d approach dating now if I were single, but it wasn’t oppressive or mindless. The way the Duggars do things is extremely unusual even for very conservative evangelicals. I think people who aren’t involved in American Christianity or especially the Protestant versions may inadvertently get the impression that the Duggars and Bateses represent a large portion of that population but they truly do not. They are outliers, anomalies, and basically freaks. They talk a good surface game so Christians who don’t follow them closely think they seem nice, but would probably be appalled at how they actually live. 

[Temperance]

3 hours ago, Broken Ox said:

I get no control freaks (although I don't know how a Dugger girl would know; that's just "dad" in their world) but why no shy guys?

The main criticism of the book was that it was too hard on shy/introverted men. It was the one thing the less positive reviews mentioned they didn't like. Introverted and shy can be different, but for the purposes of the book it was the same. They gave an example don't trust a man who doesn't like to linger at a church and talk with people after the service. The Quiet: the Power of Introverts also has a section on religion. (Haven't read it, so I can't tell me about the book, except it's pro-Introverts.)

[Nysha]

1 hour ago, madpsych78 said:

I was going to state something about that this could apply to Anna and Smuggar, but I think in their case, Anna is more conservative than Smuggar and perhaps there should have been a book for guys for not settling down with the first woman they meet that should have been given to Smuggar.

Unfortunately, what Josh needed was to be told that he didn't have to be married to have sex. 

[lascuba]

17 hours ago, BitterApple said:

Is that a paid promo? Why would she be reading a book about dating the wrong guy when she's already married?

Also, the Duggar method of courtship is the absolute antithesis of what you should be doing if you want to find and develop a healthy relationship, so this is rather interesting.

Because confirmation bias is a hell of a drug and as a Duggar she needs to feel superior at all times. 

[Temperance]

16 minutes ago, lascuba said:

Because confirmation bias is a hell of a drug and as a Duggar she needs to feel superior at all times. 

Except the book goes against a lot of what she as a Duggar would believe. It assumes you go on dates.  It tells women not to marry the first guy who's interested if he doesn't seem like a catch. It says singles should embrace their lives and not feel lesser to married people.  

[Churchhoney]

1 hour ago, lascuba said:

Because confirmation bias is a hell of a drug and as a Duggar she needs to feel superior at all times. 

I'm having this made into a bumper sticker

[BetyBee]

If shy boys are not recommended, that may explain JD's single state.  

[lookeyloo]

9 minutes ago, BetyBee said:

If shy boys are not recommended, that may explain JD's single state.  

I was just thinking that.  Does it mean shy men are doomed to be alone in their world?

[Sew Sumi]

That line of thinking DOES explain how highly extroverted Josiah was able to enter into a courtship when he was just 18.

[Minivanessa]

8 minutes ago, BetyBee said:

If shy boys are not recommended, that may explain JD's single state.  

I started to write a reply about the fact that the book that warned against shy guys, was about dating, and the Duggars don't date.

Then I realized that despite following these forums for years, and reading many articles about the Duggars? I still don't understand their Super-special Ultra-holy SIn-preventing Anti-defraudment Courting System™,  and how a shy guy would fare in that.

Because it seems that JB and Michelle were quite involved in most of their married kids' courtships, deeply as to Jill's, probably protectively as to Josh's (keep him in line), and perhaps with less control in Jinger's. And as to the last few, hell, I can't even keep their names straight much less tell you how the Super-special Ultra-holy SIn-preventing Anti-defraudment Courting System™ worked for them. With JB being such a control freak, it seems that if he wants a kid to be married, he finds a way. I wonder if he just let JD get too old and too involved in the real world to control him like he controlled the others.

[lascuba]

1 hour ago, Temperance said:

Except the book goes against a lot of what she as a Duggar would believe. It assumes you go on dates.  It tells women not to marry the first guy who's interested if he doesn't seem like a catch. It says singles should embrace their lives and not feel lesser to married people.  

That's the only thing on your list that's explicitly anti-Duggar. They don't marry the first guy who's interested, for one. And while they're hypocritical about it, they do play lip service to singles not being lesser. Tabitha Paine once said--while denying being in a relationship with JD--said that she might remain single forever.

[GeeGolly]

Joe is married and he's shy. Zach Bates is married and he's shy. I think both Chad and Brandon are shy as well, so somehow shy Fundy men manage to get married.

[Temperance]

21 minutes ago, lascuba said:

That's the only thing on your list that's explicitly anti-Duggar. They don't marry the first guy who's interested, for one. And while they're hypocritical about it, they do play lip service to singles not being lesser. Tabitha Paine once said--while denying being in a relationship with JD--said that she might remain single forever.

The book also assumes that the woman is in control of who she dates. That's out not how they were raised. When a viewer asked how one might go about dating on an old 19 Kids & Counting, the girls said "Ask our dad. He knows what we like." The Duggar husbands had to ask JB for permission to go out, and fill out a 50-page questionaire. 

JD probably wasn't interested in Tabitha. I doubt Tabitha would have married the guy she did had she read the book.

[lascuba]

18 minutes ago, Temperance said:

The book also assumes that the woman is in control of who she dates. That's out not how they were raised. When a viewer asked how one might go about dating on an old 19 Kids & Counting, the girls said "Ask our dad. He knows what we like." The Duggar husbands had to ask JB for permission to go out, and fill out a 50-page questionaire. 

JD probably wasn't interested in Tabitha. I doubt Tabitha would have married the guy she did had she read the book.

I haven't read the book, but from what I hear of it, it seems like it would be very, very easy for a Duggar to read it and think they're doing everything right as per the book. That's my whole point about confirmation bias. I'd bet money that every single Duggar daughter thinks that they're totally in control of who they date because they *want* their dad to screen guys for them, and they get to say no any time. No doubt Jana has said no to countless guys that JB as paraded out in front of her. 

[Christina87]

I have mixed feelings about Jinger promoting this book. On one hand, I hate, hate, hate when married Christian girls hawk this stuff, as it always has an air of superiority about it, intended or not. But then, at least the book says "why SMART women settle," and it makes it sound like being smart is an admirable trait.

Smart women settling for less than they deserve is a problem in our society, but Jinger is too naive to even know where to start. I doubt she could relate to the smart woman whose tinder date said and did all the right things, only to leave when she slept with him. Maybe she could learn about the world, but I'm not sure how much she could truly understand.

I'm not gonna lie, though...my first thought when I saw this was, "at least I'm not with Jeremy!" I've never dated a guy who is self-righteous, a fame whore, and does everything he can to avoid work, but to each their own. Things might look very different for Jinger without a TV show. She may have had to find a guy who could provide, even if he wasn't hot, or she could still be waiting for her Prince Charming. 

Edited April 29, 2018 by Christina87

[Absolom]

She could have been stuck with Lawson. 

[queenanne]

6 hours ago, Zella said:

In their world, it's not acceptable to ask to be left alone, but volunteering to hide by doing all the work in a lazy family is acceptable because someone needs to do it and you might get some badly needed alone time to recharge.

When my fundie family had the visiting grand-fundies over, about the only acceptable excuse for not virtually sitting on their laps, joining in on their living-room naps, and being willing to sit around watching women prep food nonstop while simultaneously tut-tutting and proclaiming about how everything outside of the church or 1950s was an immoral scandal, was being in the bathroom.  (I wish I was making this up!)  I've never been cleaner or better-groomed in my life than when I needed to avoid my grandmother standing downstairs nag-hollering about where I was.

Edited April 29, 2018 by queenanne

[Zella]

9 hours ago, JocelynCavanaugh said:

Your friendly neighborhood introvert here, just popping in to remind everyone that introversion and shyness are not the same thing AT ALL! I’m very introverted and definitely not shy. I need a LOT of time alone but when I am around people I’m outgoing and “normal” (whatever that means). It’s totally possible to be a shy extrovert, too.

Agreed--I'm not really shy either, more antisocial than anything. Honestly, I think being shy would have been received better because it would have been easier for them to accept someone as having trouble socializing rather than just not wanting to.