I just watched Nova’s freestyle and I can’t stop cringing. My entire body is sore from the cringe. I need to take 20mg of Tezlee and lie down.
“Nova and Vaeda” is hard to say. I guess “Vaeda and Nova” works but as an oldest sister I reject this unholy order of names. If people absolutely insist on giving their children k’reigh8if names, they should have to pass a rigorous test:
• Say it out loud.
- Does it sound weird? Could it be a Mad Gab playing card? (I know a “Loose Eclair” and a “Time Alone,” both unintentional.)
- Does it work with the last name? Siblings’ names? (By siblings, I mean the children with whom they will be raised, not ones you placed for adoption ten years ago who live in a different time zone and probably don’t think about you ever.)
• Go down this checklist (TBA) of curse words, diseases, sexual acts, mass murderers, and euphemisms for gastroenteritis. Make sure your proposed name isn’t on there.
• Write the name down, and without giving any hints, ask at least five other people to pronounce it. If they all say it differently from how you intended, YOU MISSPELLED IT. Try again.
- Hint: vowels are tricky but they do follow certain rules. You are not powerful enough to break these rules.
- See also: Dwyane “Dwayne” Wade; Keira “Kiera” Knightley.
• Did you get the name idea from a recent movie, book, or other popular culture phenomenon? Wait ten years, then see if you really want a kid named Khaleesi Renesmee. In the mean time, may I suggest Elizabeth, Matthew, Lauren, or Joseph as placeholders? (List negotiable for those with varying family backgrounds.)
• Does the name contain Arabic numerals or more than one apostrophe? We live in computer times now. Do not do this to computers.
• Is the name just plain ugly? Did Family Guy use it as a secret code, the answer to “what’s the ugliest male name of all time?” (A: Keith) Is it a synonym for an unattractive woman (Big Bertha, Brunhilda)? Does it sound like a sneeze? If so, please refer to placeholder list above.
This is just a working draft but I wanted to go ahead and get it out there before Catelynn and Tyler start working on their next Notcarly Divorcedelayer.