Small Talk: The Prayer Closet

[Crochetlady]

If I did any of those things, my husband would file for divorce. 

[awaken]

16 hours ago, deaja said:

I remember thinking my mom’s car was so fancy when she got one that had power windows instead of crank windows.

So true!  When we got a car CD player when we were first married it was a big deal!  It resided in the trunk of the car and we had to load it with several CDs. It rarely worked because going over bumps would throw it off. It was a fancy upgrade from the dealership. 

[GeeGolly]

Cars and music. The automobile industry really didn't miss a beat keeping up. From dial radios to satellite radios. From 8-tracks to cassettes, to CDs to MP3 adapters, to syncing up a phone. Kinda crazy, but I appreciate it, as I need to listen to music when I drive.

[CalicoKitty]

My parents always tried to buy a car WITHOUT a radio because they never listened to music--even in the house.  They liked music, and liked to dance, but liked quiet in the house and car.  The car dealer would explain that he couldn't order a new car without one, but it was aways just the basic radio.   My dad made sure the delivery car for his business did not have a radio, however.  He didn't want the high school kids who he hired to make deliveries to be driving around with loud music, so he had the radio removed.  I, on the other hand, am very thankful for XM radio in my car and my house.

When I was a kid and was with my aunts and uncles, we never played the radio in the car.  My aunt's car radio was always broken.  So we all sang.  A lot.  For miles.  And those car rides are some of my happiest memories.

[jjane]

Hi Guys, 

I've been away for a long time and I have missed all of you so much. For those of who know, I tried last year to get my abused great-niece away from her abuser, even getting emergency custody. She was so happy to be with us and relied on us to get her to safety. Then we ran up against our state DCFS, which decided their workers were not essential and took them out of the office and sent them home, where only some of them worked at any one time. Not their fault, of course, but not fair to them or to the children who needed them. Despite 12 complaints against the mother, including one from an outside therapist who was horrified at what she heard, the judge literally said he would not interfere with the mother's parenting. WIthin 2 hours of getting the child back she had forced the child's arm behind her back, hurting her badly, the mother was allowed to lie and press assault charges against the child. Then, they ran. Before they left, the mother destroyed the home she had lived in rent free for 7 years and then destroyed everything outside, inlcuding a truck that needed work but could have been fixed. Bullets through the radiator, all the doors, glass, sugar in the gas tank.

Anyway, its been a year today since we had to give her back and I'm not doing well. I don't even know if she is alive, in a mental facility, which was her mother's favorite punishment and/or place to stash her when she had plans with the revolving door of men she fed off of. Possibly she is in jail. Don't really know why I'm here except that all of you gave me such support during this terrible time and I feel so guilty about my promise to her. I'm also sorry I have not been here to offer support to those of you who helped me. So, much love, internet hugs, and thanks for being there.

Janet

Edited May 22, 2021 by jjane

[Mindthinkr]

Janet, please do not beat yourself up. You went up against a system that was working hard against you and for her abusive mother.  You did the very best that you could. Try to remember that. Sending you a virtual hug. 

[GeeGolly]

41 minutes ago, CalicoKitty said:

My parents always tried to buy a car WITHOUT a radio because they never listened to music--even in the house.  They liked music, and liked to dance, but liked quiet in the house and car.  The car dealer would explain that he couldn't order a new car without one, but it was aways just the basic radio.   My dad made sure the delivery car for his business did not have a radio, however.  He didn't want the high school kids who he hired to make deliveries to be driving around with loud music, so he had the radio removed.  I, on the other hand, am very thankful for XM radio in my car and my house.

When I was a kid and was with my aunts and uncles, we never played the radio in the car.  My aunt's car radio was always broken.  So we all sang.  A lot.  For miles.  And those car rides are some of my happiest memories.

When I was little we would visit family a few times a year. We'd lose radio reception for most of the ride and we sang as well. Like you I have very fond memories of those times.

[jjane]

@Mindthinkr, thank you so much.

[Cherry Cola]

Question, do you think the Duggar kids go from first kiss to sex all on their wedding day? Do they even know anything about sex? Did Michelle really tell the girls its over quick? 😲   I have seen that comment a few times. Had to ask.  Is this the right thread to ask in? Or is there another I am missing?

Edited May 22, 2021 by Cherry Cola

[ozziemom]

@jjane Glad you are back but so sorry things didn’t work out for your great niece. It seems like you couldn’t have done anything else. It’s hard trying to fight a system that doesn’t protect a child.

[ginger90]

5 minutes ago, Cherry Cola said:

Question, do you think the Duggar kids go from first kiss to sex all on their wedding day?

Do they even know anything about sex?

Did Michelle really tell the girls its over quick?

Yes

No

Yes

[emmawoodhouse]

Just got my second jab. Now to sit around and wait for the side effects to kick in. 😱

[Nysha]

1 hour ago, jjane said:

Anyway, its been a year today since we had to give her back and I'm not doing well. I don't even know if she is alive, in a mental facility, which was her mother's favorite punishment and/or place to stash her when she had plans with the revolving door of men she fed off of. Possibly she is in jail. Don't really know why I'm here except that all of you gave me such support during this terrible time and I feel so guilty about my promise to her. I'm also sorry I have not been here to offer support to those of you who helped me. So, much love, internet hugs, and thanks for being there.

Janet, I'm so sorry. I know first hand how heartbreaking it is to do everything you can to keep a child safe only to have the judge give them back to the abusive parents. I so wish this could have been different. I will light a candle for peace and safety for your great-niece.

[GeeGolly]

8 minutes ago, emmawoodhouse said:

Just got my second jab. Now to sit around and wait for the side effects to kick in. 😱

Crossing my fingers that its uneventful! 🤞🏽

[Westiepeach]

22 minutes ago, emmawoodhouse said:

Just got my second jab. Now to sit around and wait for the side effects to kick in. 😱

My second jab side effects was a non-event. I had *slight* aches and chills for a hot minute and then a sore arm for a day, and then back to normal!

[emmawoodhouse]

I had zero side effects after #1 (not even a sore arm), so I hope for leniency! 😁

[AnnaBaptist]

2 hours ago, Cherry Cola said:

Question, do you think the Duggar kids go from first kiss to sex all on their wedding day? Do they even know anything about sex? Did Michelle really tell the girls its over quick? 😲   I have seen that comment a few times. Had to ask.  Is this the right thread to ask in? Or is there another I am missing?

I don't know about the Duggars, but I do know of two couples who come from a similar background who did not have sex on their wedding night. They took it slow and did the deed on the third or fourth night. 

[Cinnabon]

34 minutes ago, AnnaBaptist said:

I don't know about the Duggars, but I do know of two couples who come from a similar background who did not have sex on their wedding night. They took it slow and did the deed on the third or fourth night. 

I know that some who had traditional “arranged” marriages did not have full on intercourse on their wedding nights. That’s a lot for people who have only experienced their first kiss earlier that day. I hope some of these fundies also give it some time if needed.

[Liddy52]

4 hours ago, jjane said:

Hi Guys, 

I've been away for a long time and I have missed all of you so much. For those of who know, I tried last year to get my abused great-niece away from her abuser, even getting emergency custody. She was so happy to be with us and relied on us to get her to safety. Then we ran up against our state DCFS, which decided their workers were not essential and took them out of the office and sent them home, where only some of them worked at any one time. Not their fault, of course, but not fair to them or to the children who needed them. Despite 12 complaints against the mother, including one from an outside therapist who was horrified at what she heard, the judge literally said he would not interfere with the mother's parenting. WIthin 2 hours of getting the child back she had forced the child's arm behind her back, hurting her badly, the mother was allowed to lie and press assault charges against the child. Then, they ran. Before they left, the mother destroyed the home she had lived in rent free for 7 years and then destroyed everything outside, inlcuding a truck that needed work but could have been fixed. Bullets through the radiator, all the doors, glass, sugar in the gas tank.

Anyway, its been a year today since we had to give her back and I'm not doing well. I don't even know if she is alive, in a mental facility, which was her mother's favorite punishment and/or place to stash her when she had plans with the revolving door of men she fed off of. Possibly she is in jail. Don't really know why I'm here except that all of you gave me such support during this terrible time and I feel so guilty about my promise to her. I'm also sorry I have not been here to offer support to those of you who helped me. So, much love, internet hugs, and thanks for being there.

Janet

Janet, I remember you talking about this last year and I am so sorry that you don't know where your great-niece is or how she is faring.  It must be heart wrenching for you. Prayers for her safety and your peace of mind. 

[Scarlett45]

4 hours ago, jjane said:

Hi Guys, 

I've been away for a long time and I have missed all of you so much. For those of who know, I tried last year to get my abused great-niece away from her abuser, even getting emergency custody. She was so happy to be with us and relied on us to get her to safety. Then we ran up against our state DCFS, which decided their workers were not essential and took them out of the office and sent them home, where only some of them worked at any one time. Not their fault, of course, but not fair to them or to the children who needed them. Despite 12 complaints against the mother, including one from an outside therapist who was horrified at what she heard, the judge literally said he would not interfere with the mother's parenting. WIthin 2 hours of getting the child back she had forced the child's arm behind her back, hurting her badly, the mother was allowed to lie and press assault charges against the child. Then, they ran. Before they left, the mother destroyed the home she had lived in rent free for 7 years and then destroyed everything outside, inlcuding a truck that needed work but could have been fixed. Bullets through the radiator, all the doors, glass, sugar in the gas tank.

Anyway, its been a year today since we had to give her back and I'm not doing well. I don't even know if she is alive, in a mental facility, which was her mother's favorite punishment and/or place to stash her when she had plans with the revolving door of men she fed off of. Possibly she is in jail. Don't really know why I'm here except that all of you gave me such support during this terrible time and I feel so guilty about my promise to her. I'm also sorry I have not been here to offer support to those of you who helped me. So, much love, internet hugs, and thanks for being there.

Janet

I am so sorry @jjane. The only solace I can offer you is that your great niece KNEW you loved her and fought for her. That may make all the difference in her future. I am so sorry the world is so unjust. 

[CherryMalotte]

jjane I'm more sorry than I can say.  She knew what love was, when she was with you.  Hugs to you.

[Scarlett45]

On 5/22/2021 at 4:31 PM, Cinnabon said:

I know that some who had traditional “arranged” marriages did not have full on intercourse on their wedding nights. That’s a lot for people who have only experienced their first kiss earlier that day. I hope some of these fundies also give it some time if needed.

Yeah it really depends on what the couple wants. I know 6 couples around my age who’ve had arranged marriages, and we are socially close enough to discuss these things. 3 couples did, 2 waited a few days, 1 waited a few weeks. It really depends on how comfortable the couple is with each other and the chemistry. Like anyone else. 

[Jynnan tonnix]

I'm going to go back and see what I missed here, I swear, but right at the moment I just can't stop being my normal, overreactive self who seems to aggravate everyone around her. 

Mom's been over here for a few days again, and giving me grief over the fact that I'm not as active as I should be, and have gained a few (about 7 - nothing all that drastic) pounds over the past 6 months. Daughter and son-in-law over for dinner, which didn't come out great (I was trying something with salting a London broil for a while, then cooking it sous vide, and finishing with a sear on the grill), but I think I salted it for too long, and sous vided it at a few degrees higher than I should have, because it came out quite dry. Then Mr Jyn and Son-in-Law were moving a table out to the porch for the summertime plants, and Mom snipped at me for sitting in my seat instead of helping them move all sorts of things out of the way (nothing DID need to be moved out of the way)....And, I guess none of these things are a big deal, but between them and a dozen other things that I did wrong, it just eventually made me teary, and whenever I get upset, I want to blame myself, because it seems that I'm the one who screwed up because I just don't have the knack of thinking ahead and noticing what needs to be done like normal people do, so then they get aggravated at me because I feel as though I'm stupid and useless. All I'm trying to do is communicate that I take complete blame for all the stuff I did wrong, and hope that someone will tell me that it's OK, and that they still love me, but all I get is, "stop that!!!", and "I can't even talk to you". So I know that it's my fault again for not being a normal person, but I don't know how to be anyone else than me...

At least my son-in-law gives me hugs and a bit of compassion.

[Ohiopirate02]

I assume some of the couples who choose to do the deed on their wedding night may not be able to successfully insert Tab A into Slot B especially if both are inexperienced.**  It may take a couple of nights for this to happen. 

 

**I wanted to add some euphemism for premature ejaculation here, but my wit is failing.  The only thing running through my mind is Lily Von Shtupp  singing "I'm tired." 

[Nysha]

26 minutes ago, Jynnan tonnix said:

All I'm trying to do is communicate that I take complete blame for all the stuff I did wrong, and hope that someone will tell me that it's OK, and that they still love me, but all I get is, "stop that!!!", and "I can't even talk to you". So I know that it's my fault again for not being a normal person, but I don't know how to be anyone else than me...

At least my son-in-law gives me hugs and a bit of compassion.

@Jynnan tonnix, I'm sorry those in your family are so critical. You are normal and the things you've listed that they're criticizing are not things for you to take the blame or apologize. Your mother should apologize for coming into your home and making you feel bad for things that are none of her business. I'm glad your son-in-law is nice because you deserve to be treated better by the rest of them.

[Cinnabon]

1 hour ago, Jynnan tonnix said:

I'm going to go back and see what I missed here, I swear, but right at the moment I just can't stop being my normal, overreactive self who seems to aggravate everyone around her. 

Mom's been over here for a few days again, and giving me grief over the fact that I'm not as active as I should be, and have gained a few (about 7 - nothing all that drastic) pounds over the past 6 months. Daughter and son-in-law over for dinner, which didn't come out great (I was trying something with salting a London broil for a while, then cooking it sous vide, and finishing with a sear on the grill), but I think I salted it for too long, and sous vided it at a few degrees higher than I should have, because it came out quite dry. Then Mr Jyn and Son-in-Law were moving a table out to the porch for the summertime plants, and Mom snipped at me for sitting in my seat instead of helping them move all sorts of things out of the way (nothing DID need to be moved out of the way)....And, I guess none of these things are a big deal, but between them and a dozen other things that I did wrong, it just eventually made me teary, and whenever I get upset, I want to blame myself, because it seems that I'm the one who screwed up because I just don't have the knack of thinking ahead and noticing what needs to be done like normal people do, so then they get aggravated at me because I feel as though I'm stupid and useless. All I'm trying to do is communicate that I take complete blame for all the stuff I did wrong, and hope that someone will tell me that it's OK, and that they still love me, but all I get is, "stop that!!!", and "I can't even talk to you". So I know that it's my fault again for not being a normal person, but I don't know how to be anyone else than me...

At least my son-in-law gives me hugs and a bit of compassion.

In your situation I would totally lose it and cry too, because I am also hypersensitive. You have every right to feel the way you do, and it’s not your fault. You cooked the meal, you shouldn’t have to move anything around. You deserve to sit and rest and let your husband and SIL do it.

1 hour ago, Ohiopirate02 said:

I assume some of the couples who choose to do the deed on their wedding night may not be able to successfully insert Tab A into Slot B especially if both are inexperienced.**  It may take a couple of nights for this to happen. 

 

**I wanted to add some euphemism for premature ejaculation here, but my wit is failing.  The only thing running through my mind is Lily Von Shtupp  singing "I'm tired." 

I’m hoping some don’t even try for full intercourse right away. That’s a lot for kids who just has their first kiss!

[Suzn]

@JYNNAN TONNIX, @Nysha said very well what I was thinking.  I find it so sad that you take unfair criticism to heart and blame yourself.  Actually, it makes me angry on your behalf.

Edited May 23, 2021 by Suzn

[BitterApple]

I remember watching a YouTube documentary about Princess Louise of Belgium. She was so traumatized on her wedding night, she fled the Palace. A staff member found her hiding in a greenhouse and when he brought her to her parents, her mother yelled at her for not properly fulfilling her duties. 

I can see Fundies going either way. Some couples seem genuinely attracted to each other and some are so awkward, I can't imagine how cringey the first time must've been. 

 

[GeeGolly]

Yikes @Jynnan tonnix, your momma would have a field day with me. When reading your recipe, you lost me at London Broil. At my house they would have been eating a roast, some green beans and mashed potatoes. And when we were done I would have invited them clean it all up.

While your family is focusing on what you don't do, you need to focus on what you do do. I would love to have you around here, you seem so sweet caring and talented.

[Absolom]

I can't snap at my mother any more, but mine would have gotten a Mom stop it or Mom leave it alone for pestering me in my own house.  If you push back a couple of times, they'll learn to back off.    

[ozziemom]

@Jynnan tonnix Sorry you are having a rough time. You seem very caring and thoughtful, so I’m sure the criticism hurts. I know my mom always said her comments were meant to be helpful but they sure didn’t come across that way, so I sympathize completely with you. 

[Jynnan tonnix]

42 minutes ago, Absolom said:

I can't snap at my mother any more, but mine would have gotten a Mom stop it or Mom leave it alone for pestering me in my own house.  If you push back a couple of times, they'll learn to back off.    

I push back all the time. I try to explain that I realize I have faults, and pointing them out to me all the time is not going to do anything toward making me more interested in changing. She totally doesn't get it, because she is (or claims to be, anyway) one of those (rare) people who welcome constructive criticism, solicited or otherwise, because she wants to be the very best person she can be. That's her response. And the other is, "I'm an old lady, I've earned the right to speak my mind when I feel that something needs to be said".

The one time I really got angry at her a few months ago, and told her that her advice actually made me less likely to fix anything she was nagging me about, she compared me to (not to get political!) a certain ex-president, and told me I was acting like a toddler.

 

Edited May 23, 2021 by Jynnan tonnix

[Absolom]

Sometimes you can't be rational with them.  You have to look her in the eye and go STOP.  I had to back my mother out of my business and she'd try to talk herself out of any reasoned discussion.  I had to go to that's enough, stop, and I'm done.   It took a few rounds, but she did quit.  As long as they think you're responding, they'll keep it up.  Walking away and going nope not listening to you, is the only boundary they'll recognize.  Of course, then you'll get why are you so mean to me?  To which you go if you'd pay attention to my boundaries, I wouldn't have to enforce them so strongly. 

No one has the right to try to play boss of your life or to be demeaning and demoralizing to you.  You have the right to live your life without apologizing for it.  

[Jynnan tonnix]

17 minutes ago, Absolom said:

Sometimes you can't be rational with them.  You have to look her in the eye and go STOP.  I had to back my mother out of my business and she'd try to talk herself out of any reasoned discussion.  I had to go to that's enough, stop, and I'm done.   It took a few rounds, but she did quit.  As long as they think you're responding, they'll keep it up.  Walking away and going nope not listening to you, is the only boundary they'll recognize.  Of course, then you'll get why are you so mean to me?  To which you go if you'd pay attention to my boundaries, I wouldn't have to enforce them so strongly. 

No one has the right to try to play boss of your life or to be demeaning and demoralizing to you.  You have the right to live your life without apologizing for it.  

What you say makes sense. She's 87, though...how much could I really expect to gain, though, before it kinda gets to be pointless? Though, I swear, she's probably going to hang on as long as it takes to see that she's talked sense into me. She has a refrigerator magnet at her place that I got her about 20 years ago that says, "no matter how old she gets, a mother will constantly watch her middle-aged kids for signs of improvement". That will probably be the story of the rest of my life.

[jjane]

Hi Guys, 

I stepped away for a while today but I just want everyone who offered kind words and support to know how much it means to  me. I still beat myself up about this because no matter what I know there is a child out there who needs me and for all my efforts I can't find her. So,thank you all for helping me end this day with the knowledge that there are wonderful, caring people out there.

Much love, Janet

[lookeyloo]

15 hours ago, Jynnan tonnix said:

I'm going to go back and see what I missed here, I swear, but right at the moment I just can't stop being my normal, overreactive self who seems to aggravate everyone around her. 

Mom's been over here for a few days again, and giving me grief over the fact that I'm not as active as I should be, and have gained a few (about 7 - nothing all that drastic) pounds over the past 6 months. Daughter and son-in-law over for dinner, which didn't come out great (I was trying something with salting a London broil for a while, then cooking it sous vide, and finishing with a sear on the grill), but I think I salted it for too long, and sous vided it at a few degrees higher than I should have, because it came out quite dry. Then Mr Jyn and Son-in-Law were moving a table out to the porch for the summertime plants, and Mom snipped at me for sitting in my seat instead of helping them move all sorts of things out of the way (nothing DID need to be moved out of the way)....And, I guess none of these things are a big deal, but between them and a dozen other things that I did wrong, it just eventually made me teary, and whenever I get upset, I want to blame myself, because it seems that I'm the one who screwed up because I just don't have the knack of thinking ahead and noticing what needs to be done like normal people do, so then they get aggravated at me because I feel as though I'm stupid and useless. All I'm trying to do is communicate that I take complete blame for all the stuff I did wrong, and hope that someone will tell me that it's OK, and that they still love me, but all I get is, "stop that!!!", and "I can't even talk to you". So I know that it's my fault again for not being a normal person, but I don't know how to be anyone else than me...

At least my son-in-law gives me hugs and a bit of compassion.

The late Dr. Joy Browne used to say "the only person's behavior you can change is your own".  But that means you can do something different.  If what you have been doing hasn't worked, you can just stop explaining, or some other thing that isn't what you have been doing.  You can rehearse a "yes mother" every time she starts, for example.  And, expect someone else's behavior to get worse before it gets better, so she will escalate until it doesn't work anymore.  87 doesn't give rude behavior a pass.  You don't have to be rude back, just different.  If you want to.

[rue721]

17 hours ago, Jynnan tonnix said:

I'm going to go back and see what I missed here, I swear, but right at the moment I just can't stop being my normal, overreactive self who seems to aggravate everyone around her. 

Mom's been over here for a few days again, and giving me grief over the fact that I'm not as active as I should be, and have gained a few (about 7 - nothing all that drastic) pounds over the past 6 months. Daughter and son-in-law over for dinner, which didn't come out great (I was trying something with salting a London broil for a while, then cooking it sous vide, and finishing with a sear on the grill), but I think I salted it for too long, and sous vided it at a few degrees higher than I should have, because it came out quite dry. Then Mr Jyn and Son-in-Law were moving a table out to the porch for the summertime plants, and Mom snipped at me for sitting in my seat instead of helping them move all sorts of things out of the way (nothing DID need to be moved out of the way)....And, I guess none of these things are a big deal, but between them and a dozen other things that I did wrong, it just eventually made me teary, and whenever I get upset, I want to blame myself, because it seems that I'm the one who screwed up because I just don't have the knack of thinking ahead and noticing what needs to be done like normal people do, so then they get aggravated at me because I feel as though I'm stupid and useless. All I'm trying to do is communicate that I take complete blame for all the stuff I did wrong, and hope that someone will tell me that it's OK, and that they still love me, but all I get is, "stop that!!!", and "I can't even talk to you". So I know that it's my fault again for not being a normal person, but I don't know how to be anyone else than me...

At least my son-in-law gives me hugs and a bit of compassion.

 

15 hours ago, Jynnan tonnix said:

I push back all the time. I try to explain that I realize I have faults, and pointing them out to me all the time is not going to do anything toward making me more interested in changing. She totally doesn't get it, because she is (or claims to be, anyway) one of those (rare) people who welcome constructive criticism, solicited or otherwise, because she wants to be the very best person she can be. That's her response. And the other is, "I'm an old lady, I've earned the right to speak my mind when I feel that something needs to be said".

The one time I really got angry at her a few months ago, and told her that her advice actually made me less likely to fix anything she was nagging me about, she compared me to (not to get political!) a certain ex-president, and told me I was acting like a toddler.

 

She is bullying you.

I don't know how to handle a bully, really. But she's just picking on you because she thinks you're an easy target, not because any of these supposed "faults" of yours are even real or she wants them to "improve."

And the whole family is acting like you're the designated family scapegoat.

Honestly, I would throw her out of the house or only agree to see her at her house so that you can walk out the door when she starts with the bullying again. But I know that may not be an option because you're essentially doing elder care.

Maybe other people know more about how to handle a bully?

But regardless, don't blame yourself and don't give credence to this bullshit. She's just making you feel small because it makes her feel big, not for any more "legitimate" reason than that.

[rue721]

And sorry, I don’t mean to pop in randomly and be so brusque! 🤦🏻‍♀️😂

In the last few weeks, I had an offer accepted on a house (closing in a couple weeks!), my supervisor quit and just peaced out on 4/30, so I’ve been doing her job as well as mine since then, and my boyfriend’s parents had some health emergencies that landed them in a nursing home rehab (hopefully they’ll be going to assisted living from there). Also, I’m involved in a couple civics orgs that decided THIS was the month to have their conventions. Just kinda crazy here. And the Josh Duggar crimes just made reading about the Duggars too dark and stressful for a while there, too. Sorta still in the place, if I’m honest. I miss you guys, though.

 

Oh yeah, and it’s Brood X time now, too! It sounds like an alien spaceship is constantly landing outside, the noise these 17 year cicadas make is SO weird.

Edited May 23, 2021 by rue721

[Absolom]

1 hour ago, rue721 said:

She is bullying you.

This.  She may also be engaging in emotional blackmail.  The only way out is to leave or stand up to her.

There are quite a few articles around on how to deal with family bullying.  I guess fortunately my way of dealing with a bully is extremely straight forward and right back at them.  I go right to stop it, you dared say what, do that again and I'm leaving, go you didn't and walk out of the room, etc.  

My daughter's in-laws tried to bully her until she took me to visit and they got sarcastic comments like you think she needs a new car?  Are you signing on to pay for it?  No, then maybe you should back out of her business.  She then began making similar comments and now they leave her alone.  It isn't for a lot of people especially if you've been trying to appease her your whole life.

Do remember though that all appeasement does is leave them free to continue.  They need figurative gut punches to get the message.  You might chant under your breath, I am not a target.  

It does get difficult as they age.  My mom reverted when she began developing dementia so we had a rough year where she tried tantrums and bullying again.  Not letting her get by with it was still a key though as she only got worse if I gave in at all.  

Edited May 23, 2021 by Absolom

[Scarlett45]

 

Quoting @Zella from the Jill & Derrick thread-

Quote

I must admit I didn't actually realize that was an R Kelly song until a couple of years ago. I knew it from Space Jam, which I watched as a kid, and didn't put two and two together until after he was arrested.

I have a hard time believing Jill ever watched Space Jam as a kid, but maybe Derick did. I'm assuming he was the one who thought of the song within the context of the fly hunt, and she had no clue what he was talking about, so they played it. I wonder if they know anything about R Kelly. I read Soulless about his case a couple of years ago, and it's one of the more disturbing books I've read in recent years. 

 

I come from a very different social milieu than Jill & Derrick, and while I personally believe you can separate the artist from the art I think it’s best to err on the side of caution when you are talking about LIVING people who’ve done horrific things and you’re a public figure. 
 

In 2018 I went to the Darren Criss & Lea Michelle concert and Darren chose “Remix to Ignition” as his “Chicago song”- BAD BAD CHOICE for whom his audience was. An audience member stood up and yelled “Hes a fucking rapist.” And walked out. Darren looked shocked- like dude why did you choose that??? “Sweet Home Chicago” is always a safe bet. My mom leaned over and whispered to me “What happened?” And I said “That’s an R.Kelly song.” And she said “THAT nasty man?????”

I see nothing wrong with Jill using “I believe I can fly” in relation to catching a fly (I think it’s kind of funny), but given she’s a public figure and uses her Instagram to make money, she could’ve been a tad more circumspect with her song choice. 

But again, Jill’s audience may be mostly young women who only know the song in relation to Space Jam and wouldn’t have a visceral reaction to it the way many other would.

 

 

Edited May 24, 2021 by Scarlett45
fixed my formating

[Meow25]

19 hours ago, Ohiopirate02 said:

I assume some of the couples who choose to do the deed on their wedding night may not be able to successfully insert Tab A into Slot B especially if both are inexperienced.**  It may take a couple of nights for this to happen. 

 

**I wanted to add some euphemism for premature ejaculation here, but my wit is failing.  The only thing running through my mind is Lily Von Shtupp  singing "I'm tired." 

I can't imagine.  Seriously.  I wasn't super worldly or experienced when I married Mr. Meow, we actually lost our virginity to each other 5 years before we got married....but thinking back to our first time, LOL...that would've been a let down on our wedding night.  ahahaha.  

I don't judge ANYONE who wants to wait.  It's not a bad thing, but I LEGIT can't imagine not doing ANYTHING until you're married.  Like...NOTHING?!?!  To have your first kiss in front of a lot of people would be SO embarrassing.  In fact, I believe that kissing can be a great signal on being compatible.  My boyfriend prior to Mr. Meow kissed me and it totally grossed me out.  LOL.  There was zero sexual chemistry between us, and I wouldn't have known that unless we had that unfortunate moment.  ahaha

Edited May 23, 2021 by Meow25
spelling

[Scarlett45]

 

1 hour ago, Meow25 said:

I don't judge ANYONE who wants to wait.  It's not a bad thing, but I LEGIT can't imagine not doing ANYTHING until you're married.  Like...NOTHING?!?!  To have your first kiss in front of a lot of people would be SO embarrassing.  In fact, I believe that kissing can be a great signal on being compatible.  My boyfriend prior to Mr. Meow kissed me and it totally grossed me out.  LOL.  There was zero sexual chemistry between us, and I wouldn't have known that unless we had that unfortunate moment.  ahaha

Yes of course I support what anyone wants to do with their own body, but I think if you’re getting married in part to fulfill a need for partnered sex (compared to only financial or social reasons) you need to know if you have a tiny bit of chemistry.
 

Just looking at someone and thinking their attractive doesn’t mean you’ll be compatible sexually. 

Of the people I know that had arranged marriages they all did kiss (privately) before the wedding day, one couple did before the official engagement. 

[SunnyBeBe]

I wanted to report on my second outdoor post covid concert.  Our fully vaxed pod friends went again.  I thought it would be too hot, but it was perfect!  The music was awesome. Everyone stays masked unless with your group in your pod.   I danced almost the entire show!  A little sore today.  Lol

 

Here’s a clip of the band Galactic!  Just incredible.  I couldn’t find one from last night, but it was very similar.  Note: This  video was filmed pre covid.  The current shows people are not bunched up, but are spaced out 6 ft.
 

 

Edited May 24, 2021 by SunnyBeBe

[Rabbittron]

Question why do the Duggars think that their religion is the right one and all other religions are wrong,

[Cinnabon]

1 hour ago, Rabbittron said:

Question why do the Duggars think that their religion is the right one and all other religions are wrong,

In my experience, many people do the same. At age 10 or so, I became aware of other religions (I was raised Catholic) and asked my mom how anyone knew that theirs was the “right” religion. She didn’t know. And that was the start of my path to atheism .

[NotthebadVictoria]

Just now, Cinnabon said:

In my experience, many people do the same. At age 10 or so, I became aware of other religions (I was raised Catholic) and asked my mom how anyone knew that theirs was the “right” religion. She didn’t know. And that was the start of my path to atheism .

When my kiddo was hospitalized at 2 the intake lady wanted to know her religion..... I said.........she’s 2, pretty sure she doesn’t grasp that yet 🤣. She looked at me like I had just murdered a puppy. 

[Love2dance]

Oh wow, @SunnyBeBe, I would have danced all night to that band too!

We also went last night to a classic rock outdoor concert with some friends. We had our own table of six about ten feet away from all other distanced tables and danced to almost every song right there. We are all fully faxed. It is so wonderful to be able to start to hear live music again.

 

Edited May 24, 2021 by Love2dance

[Quof]

8 hours ago, Rabbittron said:

Question why do the Duggars think that their religion is the right one and all other religions are wrong,

That's true of every religion.  It's why people say "The" church, rather than "my" church.  

It's why they fight over who has the most powerful imaginary friend. 

Edited May 24, 2021 by Quof

[GeeGolly]

I sometimes look at folks who have deep religious faith with envy. It seems to me that folks who have deep beliefs would be happy that others believe too, no matter their religion. But sadly, that has never been the case, as differences in religions have actually started a few wars.

What I wonder is, if there is a God, does he look at all these organized religions and smile or does he look down and shake his head thinking, this is not what I meant.

[marypat57]

2 hours ago, GeeGolly said:

What I wonder is, if there is a God, does he look at all these organized religions and smile or does he look down and shake his head thinking, this is not what I meant.

@GeeGolly:  I really think that it’s a little bit of both.  God smiles at some, but shakes His head at the crazies.  I tend to think it’s a bit more of the latter, unfortunately.