Fundy Weddings: All of the Cringe, None of the Booze

[Boston]

On 5/21/2021 at 7:50 PM, xwordfanatik said:

I wore my older sister's dress, but it was the 70's, and it fit me well.  Our wedding probably cost under one thousand, including venue, cake, rings, etc.  We're almost 50 years married.

I like Katey's ring, too.  Rose gold is so pretty.  Jed! probably had help picking it out.  I'm sorry, but his smug face bothers me.  I do hope that they'll be as happy as they can be, given their unfortunate circumstances.

I had so many bridesmaids dresses. (I have 3 brothers and had a bunch of friends).  I just finally gave them away last year.  I have to say, the one sister-in-law that i wasn't too fond of.. she had the best dress.. I am so glad there will be no more weddings that I will have to be in.  Here is my ring (i'm not married).. I bought a ring for myself

Edited May 26, 2021 by Boston

[Ohiopirate02]

58 minutes ago, IndianPaintbrush said:

I don't know, apparently it's very common in Fundieworld not to provide a full meal for your guests. That would be a cardinal sin where I live. Add in the "no music, no dancing" rule and it's just 800 bored people standing around. I do think it's more about bragging rights than about giving their guests a nice experience.

Wedding receptions are a regional thing.  Where I live in the South, it used to be that the reception was held in the church hall immediately following the ceremony.  The spread was cake, punch, mints, and cheese straws.  The whole affair is done in an hour or less.  For some Protestant denominations, this is still the accepted wedding reception.  The average wedding guest lives local and does not expect a meal unless the reception is at dinner time.  The handful of out-of-town guests are invited to the rehearsal dinner the night before.  

[RedDelicious]

25 minutes ago, Ohiopirate02 said:

Wedding receptions are a regional thing.  Where I live in the South, it used to be that the reception was held in the church hall immediately following the ceremony.  The spread was cake, punch, mints, and cheese straws.  The whole affair is done in an hour or less.  For some Protestant denominations, this is still the accepted wedding reception.

I grew up in a UCC and I have a very distant memory of receptions like this taking place in our Fellowship Hall. 

Those 1,000 guest parking lot affairs really make me scratch my head!

[Ohiopirate02]

2 minutes ago, RedDelicious said:

I grew up in a UCC and I have a very distant memory of receptions like this taking place in our Fellowship Hall. 

Those 1,000 guest parking lot affairs really make me scratch my head!

I view the extremely large guest list as a power move by JB with the added benefit of grifting.  The Duggars didn't invite all of those people to Jessa's wedding because they actually wanted them there to share in the happy day.  They invited them to see if they would 1.) show 2.) give a gift 3.) complain about any shoddy treatment.  The people they really wanted at the wedding were the ones invited to the TTH afterparty.  JB wanted all of those people to come and fawn over him and his family.  If you could not attend, you better have a good reason or face consequences down the road.  Woe to you if you step out of line like Jill Rodriguez.  

[xwordfanatik]

1 hour ago, Boston said:

I had so many bridesmaids dresses. (I have 3 brothers and had a bunch of friends).  I just finally gave them away last year.  I have to say, the one sister-in-law that i wasn't too fond of.. she had the best dress.. I am so glad there will be no more weddings that I will have to be in.  Here is my ring (i'm not married).. I bought a ring for myself

It's gorgeous!

[ozziemom]

The Duggars and other Fundies seem to view a wedding like a way for prospective couples to meet and greet. So the more the merrier. Plus I’m sure Boob’s head swells at all the people coming to see one of his spawn get married. 

[sixlets]

Starting with Jill's wedding (since Anna & asshat got married in Florida), I always thought JB & M had a 'wedding rolodex'.  In it, contained all of the demographic information for the many sweet friends they met through fellowship & obligatory seasons of life.  This grew exponentially over the years as more and more of the youngins wanted to marry screw.  At the very back was a list of appropriate vendors who would create one dress out of 10, slap some icing on a cake, and build very elaborate (and tacky) monogram initial billboards.   And, really, at the end of the day, it's not about seeing a frightening first kiss or making sure the bride is joyfully available, it's about all of the money & gifts that can come of inviting 1000 people to a wedding.

[Gigi43]

9 hours ago, IndianPaintbrush said:

I don't know, apparently it's very common in Fundieworld not to provide a full meal for your guests. That would be a cardinal sin where I live. Add in the "no music, no dancing" rule and it's just 800 bored people standing around. I do think it's more about bragging rights than about giving their guests a nice experience.

 

I think a lot of weddings are about bragging rites and wanting to just have the best. I never ask what people on anything yet I've had the price of various friends/family members dresses mentioned by the bride like it's an accomplishment. Food at weddings is always the most important thing to me. I was at a wedding where the dress was $6000 and my brother was told by the wait staff to take less shrimp during the buffet dinner and he really wasn't being greedy he just assumed there was more than what there apparently was in the back. If you can't afford it that's one thing! 

 

I think for the Duggar's the wedding's are just a TV special and a chance to show off what a big deal a Duggar wedding is. Do you think networking of future c;ourtships take place?  I'm not sure how it is for Fundies as a whole but the lack of food and decoration (and the parking lot for Jessa's) is always a sight for sore eyes to me. For the Duggar's I'm sure places would give some food for exchange of shout-outs on TLC or TLC could get some deals. The same places may not want to do it over and over again but they could use different places. Can't JB buy a lot and put up a tent for a standard wedding venue then rent it out in between Duggar weddings where the families just bring their own food/decorations, Fundies would probably line up to set up a wedding on a Duggar property.

 

I know the girls want to have their own wedding experience but, sorry, in these giant fundie families you should be able to rewear a bridesmaids dress to a different wedding, especially in the same family.  Having 10 bridesmaids dresses is insane. Then there's the gifts. I'm assuming gifts are given at fundie weddings right (it's always weird to me how in TV/movies people bring actual gifts to weddings but where I am it's always money)? If they give money the couples may be getting more than their spending. Imagine being poor Jana spending on all those dresses and all those gifts! I'm over here annoyed second baby showers/"sprinkles" are becoming common.  I'd lose my shit if I were Jana 

 

 

[cmr2014]

4 hours ago, Gigi43 said:

I know the girls want to have their own wedding experience but, sorry, in these giant fundie families you should be able to rewear a bridesmaids dress to a different wedding, especially in the same family.  Having 10 bridesmaids dresses is insane. Then there's the gifts. I'm assuming gifts are given at fundie weddings right (it's always weird to me how in TV/movies people bring actual gifts to weddings but where I am it's always money)? If they give money the couples may be getting more than their spending. Imagine being poor Jana spending on all those dresses and all those gifts! I'm over here annoyed second baby showers/"sprinkles" are becoming common.  I'd lose my shit if I were Jana 

I'm kind of surprised that JB was okay with that. I would sort have expected the bridesmaids' dresses to be recycled over and over again with J'chelle chirping about how much the girls "love sharing."

[Ohiopirate02]

8 hours ago, cmr2014 said:

I'm kind of surprised that JB was okay with that. I would sort have expected the bridesmaids' dresses to be recycled over and over again with J'chelle chirping about how much the girls "love sharing."

The TV money and the People or US Weekly money was enough for JB to pry open his wallet for new bridesmaids dresses.  Also, if the girls recycled the same dresses,  People might have paid less for each wedding exclusive. 

[Tikichick]

2 hours ago, Ohiopirate02 said:

The TV money and the People or US Weekly money was enough for JB to pry open his wallet for new bridesmaids dresses.  Also, if the girls recycled the same dresses,  People might have paid less for each wedding exclusive. 

I believe you may have buried the headline.

[Ohiopirate02]

53 minutes ago, Tikichick said:

I believe you may have buried the headline.

I kinda did.  I was typing on my phone this morning while getting ready for work.  

[leighdear]

I'd be pretty surprised if Jana ever paid a dime for anything, be it a bridesmaid dress, a latte, a trip to Texas or a flat of basil plants.  

I think her parents subsidize every item and action of hers, in exchange for them NOT having to do any of it.  And her not blabbing that she does. 

[Scarlett45]

On 5/27/2021 at 11:23 AM, leighdear said:

I'd be pretty surprised if Jana ever paid a dime for anything, be it a bridesmaid dress, a latte, a trip to Texas or a flat of basil plants.  

I think her parents subsidize every item and action of hers, in exchange for them NOT having to do any of it.  And her not blabbing that she does. 

Yes, I am sure JB gives Jana money to "live on"- gas, personal care products, hobbies etc. If she needs something outside of the norm she just asks him.

So for the weddings, she probably just told him that she needed xyz amount for her dress, hair, makeup etc and she was also probably in charge of buying dresses for all of the younger girls- maybe even the suits for the boys at home. 

JB likely told her "take care of it, dont spend more than x". 

Remember how well Jana planned JD's wedding reception? That was nice, I could tell she really put thought into it. 

 

[Scarlett45]

Quoting @BigBingerBro who shared this in the "Other Duggar Thread"

 

 

This was actually a really cute idea. I didn't particularly care for the girl's dresses, but they were on trend a few years before. The chalk board signs and the flower crowns- VERY cute.

[xwordfanatik]

49 minutes ago, Scarlett45 said:

Quoting @BigBingerBro who shared this in the "Other Duggar Thread"

 

 

This was actually a really cute idea. I didn't particularly care for the girl's dresses, but they were on trend a few years before. The chalk board signs and the flower crowns- VERY cute.

At least, someone used their peabrain and didn't buy dresses for the kids that needed a ridiculous looking add-on hemline to make them "modest."  🤮

[Scarlett45]

22 minutes ago, xwordfanatik said:

At least, someone used their peabrain and didn't buy dresses for the kids that needed a ridiculous looking add-on hemline to make them "modest."  🤮

This is true, they are actually white dresses for little girls. They look like flower girl or first communion dresses to me.

[Liddy52]

Which wedding was this? I know it is a while back.

[Scarlett45]

3 minutes ago, Liddy52 said:

Which wedding was this? I know it is a while back.

Jill?

[GeeGolly]

4 minutes ago, Liddy52 said:

Which wedding was this? I know it is a while back.

 

 

[Scarlett45]

1 minute ago, GeeGolly said:

 

 

I was right!

[Liddy52]

Those bridesmaid dresses are SO bad. I had forgotten the brown belts, which made no sense to me.  The aqua color is very pretty but the added white extension and the brown belt really ruin the dresses to me.

[Cinnabon]

5 hours ago, Scarlett45 said:

Quoting @BigBingerBro who shared this in the "Other Duggar Thread"

 

 

This was actually a really cute idea. I didn't particularly care for the girl's dresses, but they were on trend a few years before. The chalk board signs and the flower crowns- VERY cute.

Maybe it’s a millennial thing because as Gen X, I hate those damn chalkboards and flower crowns. 🤣

[awaken]

3 hours ago, GeeGolly said:

 

 

That is actually a very sweet and touching photo. What a treasure. 

[Scarlett45]

6 minutes ago, Cinnabon said:

Maybe it’s a millennial thing because as Gen X, I hate those damn chalkboards and flower crowns. 🤣

Very well may be!

[GeeGolly]

I think the should have went with the standard Here comes the bride, rather than your bride. Your bride only works when the girls are walking the short walk down the aisle toward Derick. The bride works better with the girls sitting facing the guests during the lengthy ceremony. Or they should have just given the signs to someone as they went to sit down.

Or better yet, they could have flipped them over. 😁

[marypat57]

I’ve only been in four of my siblings weddings (out of 6 who got married) and was very pleased not to have been asked to be in the other 2, nor in the repeat weddings of the 2 who remarried (1 widowed, 1 divorced).  I did not wear any of those bridesmaids dresses again.  
One in particular, though a nice color , was particularly not to my taste.  Thinking about it now, it would have been perfect for JillRod and her crew.  I remember trying on the dress a few days before the wedding, and discovering that it did not fit properly.  Because they were purchased at a chain department store, alterations were not included, and I refused to pay for them.  Luckily, I possessed enough seamstress skills to alter the dress so that it fit nicely by the wedding day.

The last time I was in a wedding was nearly 13 years ago.  I was the maid of honor for a very dear friend who whom I had “matched up” with another dear friend.  Both of them had lost their previous spouses to cancer.  In fact, AM’s late husband served in the police dept with her new husband, M, and they actually knew each other.  AM’s husband came to play the bagpipes at M’s wife’s funeral.  M’s sister was (and still is) one of my best friends).

Anyway, when they got engaged, I told AM I would be wearing a red dress, and that it would be in the style of the black dress that Audrey Hepburn wore in Breakfast at Tiffany’s.  Fortunately my friend did not object.  I found the dress, it did look wonderful, and I have worn it to several weddings and other occasions in the years following.  

.

[Tdoc72]

On 6/4/2021 at 11:43 AM, xwordfanatik said:

At least, someone used their peabrain and didn't buy dresses for the kids that needed a ridiculous looking add-on hemline to make them "modest."  🤮

Those are the ones with the little jackets over a regular looking dress that Michelle freaked out on when Josie took the jacket part off. To me, they look like someone made the little jackets but maybe they did indeed come that way. 

[Jynnan tonnix]

23 hours ago, marypat57 said:

I’ve only been in four of my siblings weddings (out of 6 who got married) and was very pleased not to have been asked to be in the other 2, nor in the repeat weddings of the 2 who remarried (1 widowed, 1 divorced).  I did not wear any of those bridesmaids dresses again.  
One in particular, though a nice color , was particularly not to my taste.  Thinking about it now, it would have been perfect for JillRod and her crew.  I remember trying on the dress a few days before the wedding, and discovering that it did not fit properly.  Because they were purchased at a chain department store, alterations were not included, and I refused to pay for them.  Luckily, I possessed enough seamstress skills to alter the dress so that it fit nicely by the wedding day.

The last time I was in a wedding was nearly 13 years ago.  I was the maid of honor for a very dear friend who whom I had “matched up” with another dear friend.  Both of them had lost their previous spouses to cancer.  In fact, AM’s late husband served in the police dept with her new husband, M, and they actually knew each other.  AM’s husband came to play the bagpipes at M’s wife’s funeral.  M’s sister was (and still is) one of my best friends).

Anyway, when they got engaged, I told AM I would be wearing a red dress, and that it would be in the style of the black dress that Audrey Hepburn wore in Breakfast at Tiffany’s.  Fortunately my friend did not object.  I found the dress, it did look wonderful, and I have worn it to several weddings and other occasions in the years following.  

.

When I got married, I just had my best friend as maid of honor, and no other bridesmaids, and since I didn't have any other wedding trappings, I didn't have a color scheme either, so I just had her find a dress she liked that she felt she might get some use out of again. She ended up with a lovely burgundy gown. I'd actually have to look back at some old photos to even know whether we bothered to have the best man wear a matching tie or anything. I was totally not into those sorts of details.

[andromeda331]

11 hours ago, Jynnan tonnix said:

When I got married, I just had my best friend as maid of honor, and no other bridesmaids, and since I didn't have any other wedding trappings, I didn't have a color scheme either, so I just had her find a dress she liked that she felt she might get some use out of again. She ended up with a lovely burgundy gown. I'd actually have to look back at some old photos to even know whether we bothered to have the best man wear a matching tie or anything. I was totally not into those sorts of details.

That sounds really nice.

[MargeGunderson]

This reminds me that I was a bridesmaid in a fundie-lite wedding in the mid 1990s! It was for my high school best friend (who, BTW was an atheist before she met this guy). Her engagement was a big production (there was a limo, rose petals, etc.). She got baptized at the wedding rehearsal. The dresses were short-sleeve/bare shoulder red velvet (in December in the Midwest, mind you), and once we put them on (about an hour before the hour long ceremony) we weren’t allowed to sit down so we wouldn’t wrinkle them. The other thing I distinctly remember is that all all of the people in the wedding party had to dance with their wedding partner, and the young son of my partner ran out on to the dance floor screaming and crying about his daddy dancing with someone who was not his mommy. 

[zenme]

On 5/19/2021 at 8:31 AM, Tikichick said:

Couldn't for the life of me figure out what it was that seemed so off in this picture.  Finally figured it out.  JB's expression.   It's not about youth versus middle age.   There's a total change in demeanor, expression, light in the eyes.   At this point he hadn't become the braying donkey with an overdeveloped sense of control.   There's actually a sense of humanity behind the eyes.  

Yeah, all that, plus he was about to get laid.

[GeeGolly]

In my area the way wedding invitations read indicate who is paying for it. Although a bit tacky, its just the way its always been. I found it odd that Joy's and Austin's invite has his parents' name first. 

[IndianPaintbrush]

That IS rather odd. Even an alphabetical listing would put the Duggar name first. My cynical take is that Joy and Austin wanted to emphasize the fact that she's now under the Forsyth headship.

[floridamom]

Yes, our tradition is the same with wedding invitations...the paying people do the inviting on it. Our tradition is normally both parents pay; they chip in both as they can. It is part of the gift to the couple. Bride's parents usually go first  Mr. & Mrs. Bride's parents AND Mr. & Mrs. Groom's parents request the honor of your presence at the marriage of their children..etc. I wonder why Austin's parents were listed first?

[SMama]

2 minutes ago, floridamom said:

 I wonder why Austin's parents were listed first?

Maybe they paid in full, or the most for that hot mess? 🤷‍♀️ 

[3 is enough]

Note that Austin is also listed first.  Maybe they just matched up the order for the parents and the kids?

[Zella]

I've also always been under the impression that the order/wording indicates who paid. And that the bride gets listed first usually.

Not that the Duggars will ever pass muster with Emily Post, Amy Vanderbilt, Miss Manners, or gracious Southern living, but that wording makes me think the Forsythes footed the bill more than the Duggars. 

Edited June 23, 2021 by Zella

[GeeGolly]

Here's Jessa's and Ben's. The Seewalds barely get an honorable mention.

[GeeGolly]

And the Duggar humpers extraordinaire.

[CouchTater]

3 hours ago, GeeGolly said:

Here's Jessa's and Ben's. The Seewalds barely get an honorable mention.

In my neck of the woods this is always how it's done:  the bride's parents always come first.  Even in the engagement announcements (do people still post those anywhere?  That used to happen in our local papers pre-internet) the bride's parents were credited with making the announcement.

For those who are familiar with those who pay being listed first, what if the bride and groom are paying?  Just curious if there is a different custom for that.

[GeeGolly]

3 minutes ago, CouchTater said:

In my neck of the woods this is always how it's done:  the bride's parents always come first.  Even in the engagement announcements (do people still post those anywhere?  That used to happen in our local papers pre-internet) the bride's parents were credited with making the announcement.

For those who are familiar with those who pay being listed first, what if the bride and groom are paying?  Just curious if there is a different custom for that.

If the bride and groom are paying they send the invite. They're names would be in place of the parents.

Jessa Duggar and Ben Seewald request the honor of your presence at their wedding.

But it really depends on how formal the wedding is.

 

[Rootbeer]

1 hour ago, GeeGolly said:

If the bride and groom are paying they send the invite. They're names would be in place of the parents.

Jessa Duggar and Ben Seewald request the honor of your presence at their wedding.

But it really depends on how formal the wedding is.

 

These days, with lots of people getting married later in life and already having been working for years before the wedding; it is also a lot more likely that the expenses of the wedding are shared amongst both sets of parents and the bride and groom rather than the bride's parents footing the entire bill.  

The wording of the invitation is not usually a good indicator of who paid for what.  My cousin's daughter got married about a month ago.  She's 29, her fiance 31; both have good jobs and graduate degrees.  They bought a house together a couple years ago.  When she was planning the wedding, her parents told her they would chip in X amount towards the festivities and she and her husband would have to pay any extras over that.  The couple found that to be quite reasonable and it ended up they paid about the same amount as my cousin and his wife to have the party they wanted.  My cousin has 4 daughters, she's the first to marry; he wanted to make sure he would be able to help with all of their weddings and that the girls would have realistic expectations as to what their parents could afford.

The invites listed both sets of parents first.

Edited June 23, 2021 by Rootbeer

[Zella]

1 hour ago, CouchTater said:

In my neck of the woods this is always how it's done:  the bride's parents always come first.  Even in the engagement announcements (do people still post those anywhere?  That used to happen in our local papers pre-internet) the bride's parents were credited with making the announcement.

For those who are familiar with those who pay being listed first, what if the bride and groom are paying?  Just curious if there is a different custom for that.

My local county paper sometimes still posts old-fashioned engagement announcements. I don't know if this is peculiar to a small Southern town or not, but it often also includes a listing of the grandparents of both the bride and groom, which is handy for triangulation of all parties involved for those of us who like to snoop. 🤣

My experience on invites where the bride and groom are primarily paying matches the wording @GeeGolly provided. 

Has any other Duggar wedding invite matched the weirdness of Joy's wording? I'm especially interested in the wording used for any of the boys' weddings. 

[GeeGolly]

I can't find any invitations from the guys' weddings. There's one that shows the bottom of JD's and Abbie's and another that is the livestream invite for Jer's and Katey's. I guess no one cares enough about the male Duggars marrying to leak the invitations online.

[Zella]

2 minutes ago, GeeGolly said:

I can't find any invitations from the guys' weddings. There's one that shows the bottom of JD's and Abbie's and another that is the livestream invite for Jer's and Katey's. I guess no one cares enough about the male Duggars marrying to leak the invitations online.

That's unfortunate! I was especially curious about Jed and Katey's since that entire betrothal seems to have had some weirder features in general. 

[Scarlett45]

2 hours ago, CouchTater said:

n my neck of the woods this is always how it's done:  the bride's parents always come first.  Even in the engagement announcements (do people still post those anywhere?  That used to happen in our local papers pre-internet) the bride's parents were credited with making the announcement.

For those who are familiar with those who pay being listed first, what if the bride and groom are paying?  Just curious if there is a different custom for that.

Yes there are still engagement announcements, they are virtual though, as a part of an engagement photoshoot, and people use those in their "save the dates".

If the couple is paying, typically the wording is "person 1 and person 2 invite you to celebrate their marriage, on xyz date....location details etc."

I actually like this photo of Jessa and Ben, they look really happy here, Jessa's hair could be little better, but I like the green leaves with their blue tinted outfits.

[Ohiopirate02]

18 minutes ago, Zella said:

My local county paper sometimes still posts old-fashioned engagement announcements. I don't know if this is peculiar to a small Southern town or not, but it often also includes a listing of the grandparents of both the bride and groom, which is handy for triangulation of all parties involved for those of us who like to snoop. 🤣

My experience on invites where the bride and groom are primarily paying matches the wording @GeeGolly provided. 

Has any other Duggar wedding invite matched the weirdness of Joy's wording? I'm especially interested in the wording used for any of the boys' weddings. 

Southern engagement and wedding announcements are their own separate level of cringe.  Some really do make me laugh as someone pays hundreds to list every detail about the couple, the bridal party, and everyone who threw a shower for the couple.  All in an effort to one-up the other southern families or save face with your church frenemies.  

[Scarlett45]

Do we have any Fundy engagements on the horizon?

[Heathen]

4 hours ago, Zella said:

My local county paper sometimes still posts old-fashioned engagement announcements. I don't know if this is peculiar to a small Southern town or not, but it often also includes a listing of the grandparents of both the bride and groom, which is handy for triangulation of all parties involved for those of us who like to snoop. 🤣

My experience on invites where the bride and groom are primarily paying matches the wording @GeeGolly provided. 

Has any other Duggar wedding invite matched the weirdness of Joy's wording? I'm especially interested in the wording used for any of the boys' weddings. 

When I lived in South Carolina, the local paper had engagement announcements on the day of the wedding, followed a week later by the wedding announcement. They usually covered the couple's birthplace, education, jobs or careers if any, and allllll their family info. The wedding announcement would list all of the above, names of anybody who was in the wedding, the officiant, the smallest details about what everybody wore, reception details, honeymoon info*, and where the couple intended to live afterward. 

(*Always Hilton Head for those who fancied themselves well-off, Myrtle Beach for the middle-economic-class, and Gatlinburg for the common folk. The occasional Scarlett O type would go to Europe or Aruba.)

I kind of miss those announcements. I remember one for someone I knew of -- she was 17, a senior in high school, and pregnant. Her fiancé was 21 and already had a kid by someone else. Her wedding photo was carefully cropped to not show her belly. I wonder how long their marriage lasted. 

Topic: I've never seen a non-royal invitation that listed the groom's family first. Maybe the Forsyths think they are royalty. 

Edited June 23, 2021 by Heathen
ETA more about those lovely South Carolina wedding announcements