S05.E03: Changes

[Enigma X]

I am from Chicago and have heard the saying before many times.

[bybrandy]

2 minutes ago, PRgal said:

Same.  But hair can be a sensitive issue.  I didn’t realize how weird it felt to comment on hair, period, until I became a mom.  My son is half Caucasian, half Asian and he was born with red hair. There’s still red in his hair, but it’s closer to brown now.  I found that comments about his hair colour, especially from other Asians, made me feel weird, as if they’re trying to say that my son doesn’t “look Asian” at all. 

My mom is blonde and we were at an Indian restaurant when I was in college (like maybe 3 months after my dad died... a restaurant my family went to a lot before my dad died) and the owner sat down at our table and talked to us for a bit and then he ran his hands all through my mom's hair and I was SUPER SQUCIKED because EWWWW.  And my mom was a little squicked because EWWWWW but not nearly as much as mine.  And I asked it why it bothered her so much less than me because he was like literally molesting's her hair!!!!   I am still SUPER SQUICKED thinking about it.   And my mom, who is a total badass, had worked in Saudi Arabia (did I mention the badass bit?) a few years before and a lot of the men their touched her hair so while she was uncomfortalbe with it she wasn't as surprised at it as I was.  

And I always think of that when the discussion goes to black hair.  How uncomfortable I still am literally 20 years after that experience and how that happens to natural hair people all the freaking time...   and it is so violating!!!

I mean I think natural hair looks amazing because my hair is just super boring but I respect everybody is impressed by hair that they could never have... but still stay in your literal lane and don't ever, ever, EVER touch people's hair.. without express permission.  EVER!!!  
 

[txhorns79]

9 minutes ago, VanillaBear85 said:

Adults need to be encouraged to be respectful and not touch teenagers. Easily on the side of Tess and her friend. The video was not disrespectful in the slightest to me. A teacher should not pet a child. 

I think it goes both ways.  The right solution is Tess speaking to Beth and Randall, and they forming a united front to speak to the school.  Tess undermined herself with the video because then she becomes the issue instead of the teacher.

[bybrandy]

4 minutes ago, Runningwild said:

I’m not saying that to you. I’m merely repeating what they said in their video. I don’t know how that’s not disrespectful but everything is backwards these days.

Because sometimes polite language doesn't get the point across.  Sometimes you've tried polite language multiple times and you haven't been heard.   The person Tess was with had corrected their pronouns.  Tess had spoken up about her hair.   And it didn't change anything.  When you tell people what you need and they refuse to listen to you, you have to do what it takes to make them listen.   

[willco]

14 minutes ago, bybrandy said:

WTF is I put my foot in it?  I've never heard this phrase and with respect to food?  It is a bit off putting.   

I'm just guessing and could be way off, but I think maybe it's a polite way of saying that you kicked something's ass ? Like if you did 5 loads of laundry all in one afternoon ( maybe you usually only do 2 ), you might tell someone, "I kicked ass !". Though again, I might be way off.

 

If the teacher is an older person, I can see being uninformed about 'pronouns'. I'm always reading about some new thing ( to me, anyway) that someone or some group of people want to be called. Non-gender specific is just weird to me. Of course, I was a teenager in the 80's, so none of that was around back then. At least, I had no knowledge of it. Back then, they weren't even that many people that would even feel comfortable with people knowing they were gay. It was the midwest, though, very conservative-- and I lived in a small town. I think that all makes a difference. 

Edited November 11, 2020 by willco

[bybrandy]

44 minutes ago, Jaclyn88 said:

so is that little girl Randall’s half sister ? I’m feeling a bit slow right now lol

The man is her granddad, so probably his niece.   

[Empress1]

5 minutes ago, txhorns79 said:

1 minute ago, willco said:

I'm just guessing and could be way off, but I think maybe it's a polite way of saying that you kicked something ass ? Like if you did 5 loads of laundry all in one afternoon ( maybe you usually only do 2 ), you might tell someone, "I kicked ass !". Though again, I might be way off.

“Put your foot in it” only refers to cooking. You’re right in that it means you cooked a thing really well, but you would not say “I put my foot in this laundry.”

Edited November 11, 2020 by Empress1

[tennisgurl]

Yeah, I am more concerned about teachers who are grabbing kids hair and misgendering students, even after being asked to stop and that they were making students uncomfortable. They are the adults, and adults who are supposed to be looking out for their students and their well being, and while Tess and her friend should have gone about dealing with these teachers in a different way, and Randall and Beth were right to say that they should have come to them instead, they're kids. The teachers are the adults, and they should know better. The kids are, well, kids, and kids sometimes make mistakes, especially when they get upset, what their teachers excuse? Especially if Tess already said something? This doesent sound like someone who made a mistake out of actual ignorance not knowing what they were doing, this has apparently been brought up, and ignored, which is not ok from anyone, but especially a teacher, who kids are supposed to be able to trust. 

[gonzosgirrl]

I have heard 'put your foot in it' many times, but it always meant you'd said or done something dumb/awkward. Never heard it as a compliment for cooking. 

I thought Kevin and Madison's conversation was good, though it's hard to believe that her eating disorder never came up before. I  assume he knew how Kate and Madison met.  

Randall was being his obnoxious self as a teen.  I felt awful for him with the cringey kiss thing though. 

I love the show still, but I am so not interested in Laurel.  

Young Tess is a really good actress,  and I agree the punishment is OTT for the crime.

Edited November 11, 2020 by gonzosgirrl

[bybrandy]

10 minutes ago, willco said:

If the teacher is an older person, I can see being uninformed about 'pronouns'.

I was uninformed about pronouns until I was informed about pronouns.  My 81 year old mother was uniformed about pronouns until she was informed about pronouns.  And I had to sit down and say to her literally, "you have to stop telling people you think they is dumb.  I respect that you think they is dumb but you're going to hurt people" (my mom is TOATALLY cool with NB pronouns she just prefers e, ey, and em, and for a while told everybody this every time pronouns came up.....   every single time....   EVERY SINGLE TIME!!!!) 

This teacher is a teacher in the philly public schools she's had seminars on this.  I promise.  She's not respecting pronouns because she chooses to disrespect pronouns and maybe she's telling herself that it is new and hard and people should cut her some slack... but no, she is disrespecting pronouns because she is making a choice to disrespect pronouns.  Full stop.

8 minutes ago, Empress1 said:

“Put your foot in it” only refers to cooking. You’re right in that it means you cooked a thing really well, but you would not say “I put my foot in this laundry.”

I got from context that Beth had really outdone herself with those panckaes (look at me sounding 70 years old) but no seriously what is the origin of this incredibly off putting phrase?

Edited November 11, 2020 by bybrandy

[Real Housewife LI]

I feel like the show is trying too hard to be current and relevant...like they are trying to touch on every hot button issue going on right now...to the point that it is annoying.

 

[VanillaBear85]

11 minutes ago, Runningwild said:

Screw you. 

I’m not saying that to you. I’m merely repeating what they said in their video. I don’t know how that’s not disrespectful but everything is backwards these days. Kids rule the world and adults have to bend over backwards and go along with whatever whim pops into their minds. And then when the kids grow up, they end up in therapy. 

You've done it now. You will no longer have phone privileges for 6 weeks. 

Adults should not pet children. They should be called out for touching and misgendering someone. Then when they are called out they should not do the same thing to other children. Be respectful.

More people should be in therapy. 

[LoveLeigh]

This episode for me was way boring. They drop these enticing cliffhangers at the end of every episode and instead of following through right away on the next episode they continue the story of the previous cliffhanger with another similar mysterious subplot and end with another cliffhanger.

I am really getting tired of every week waiting for these "teasers" to move ahead and advance the intrigue with some details. 

[bybrandy]

How old do we think this girl is in relation to say Annie?   Is this how they're gong to meet?  

Nah, Annie would never get to be involved in something important, carry on.  

[Scarlett45]

1 minute ago, DakotaLavender said:

I am really getting tired of every week waiting for these "teasers" to move ahead and advance the intrigue with some details. 

This I agree with. 

[Empress1]

3 minutes ago, willco said:

Back then, they weren't even that many people that would even feel comfortable with people knowing they were gay. It was the midwest, though, very conservative-- and I lived in a small town. I think that all makes a difference. 

I grew up in Philly and while I knew out gay kids when I was a teenager (I went to a progressive private school and there was a gay/straight student alliance, and several out gay teachers. I also had gay neighbors and family members, and babysat for gay couples), I didn’t know any trans or non-binary kids. We didn’t offer pronouns when we introduced ourselves. However, it’s far more common now (my alma mater has out trans and non-binary kids) and even if it weren’t, the teacher has apparently been told several times. She needs to use the right pronouns.

Just now, VanillaBear85 said:

More people should be in therapy. 

I firmly believe that everyone (truly, everyone) should go to therapy at some point, and it should be free.

[LoveLeigh]

6 minutes ago, Real Housewife LI said:

I feel like the show is trying too hard to be current and relevant...like they are trying to touch on every hot button issue going on right now...to the point that it is annoying.

 

This show is really coming close to dragging itself down in it's own malarkey. It worked years ago but they are stuffing too much in: bulimia, what else? It is so much I cannot even list it all. 

[PepSinger]

1 minute ago, DakotaLavender said:

This show is really coming close to dragging itself down in it's own malarkey. It worked years ago but they are stuffing too much in: bulimia, what else? It is so much I cannot even list it all. 

To be fair, Madison's eating disorder has been mentioned in previous episodes. We just didn't know it was bulimia specifically. 

[ams1001]

4 minutes ago, bybrandy said:

How old do we think this girl is in relation to say Annie?   Is this how they're gong to meet?  

Nah, Annie would never get to be involved in something important, carry on.  

I think she's a bit younger than Annie, anyway.

[bybrandy]

1 minute ago, DakotaLavender said:

but they are stuffing too much in: bulimia, what else?

I mean I'm pretty sure Maddison had bulimia way back when we met her.   She decided, for reasons that are still wildly unclear to me, to be Kate's friend after Kate met her (and was super rude) at a support group for disordered eating.  

[pennben]

There is a decent show in here that is being strangled by all the time travel gimmicks and is only given about seven minutes an episode to breathe.  Beyond frustrating. 

[Empress1]

5 minutes ago, bybrandy said:

I mean I'm pretty sure Maddison had bulimia way back when we met her.   She decided, for reasons that are still wildly unclear to me, to be Kate's friend after Kate met her (and was super rude) at a support group for disordered eating.  

I can’t remember if her ED was named (genuinely can’t, it was a long time ago) but yeah, her ED is not new. (And I’m with you - I don’t know why she decided to cling to Kate. IMO Kate didn’t deserve her loyalty - she was awful to Madison.)

[SunnyBeBe]

Does anyone know when this episode will be available on demand? I can’t believe I just missed it.  It appears only episode 1 is available from this season.  Hmmmm....most shows are available immediately after they air.   Guess this show is too special for that. 

[KaveDweller]

Who has time to make pancakes for breakfast on a weekday? 

I didn't have a problem with Tess's video until the "screw you" part. Before that it seemed to be expressing her anger, but that's not a great way to talk about your teacher, even if she is creepily touching your hair. And she said the teacher did stop touching her when she asked

I really liked the Kevin and Madison conversation. When Kevin said he couldn't eat the pancakes and had to work out, I was like, "why would you talk like that to a person with an eating disorder, who is clearly worried about pregnancy weight?", but then I realized he didn't know and it made more sense. But I enjoyed them opening up to each other, hopefully they continue to handle them well.

We know Kate and Toby do adopt a kid, and that next year is the last season, so I am thinking this may be a rare case where a TV adoption happens. 

 

Edited November 11, 2020 by KaveDweller

[FnkyChkn34]

9 minutes ago, SunnyBeBe said:

Does anyone know when this episode will be available on demand? I can’t believe I just missed it.  It appears only episode 1 is available from this season.  Hmmmm....most shows are available immediately after they air.   Guess this show is too special for that. 

I think they are available on the NBC app the next day?  Not positive, but you can check.

[Empress1]

16 minutes ago, KaveDweller said:

When Kevin said he couldn't eat the pancakes and had to work out,

That body is ... [fans self] 

[bybrandy]

32 minutes ago, KaveDweller said:

Who has time to make pancakes for breakfast on a weekday? I know this is 

Ordinarily I am team this.  But the pandemic is weird and stress pancaking is totally a thing I buy.   Beth can't possibly have anything pressing at the studio other than a pile of bills.  

[t7686]

It was a ok episode if not a little boring. I hope Randall doesn’t have any other siblings if that’s what that teaser at the end was all about. Brothers and Sisters did that crap forever ago and it sunk the show. The Pearson kids are already ALOT and Randall already feels like an outsider, let’s not add a “real” maternal sibling too lol.

 

I liked Kevin and Madison and the past scenes though.

Edited November 11, 2020 by t7686

[phalange]

I was wondering how the story of the grandpa and granddaughter fishing was going to tie in, and then bam, Laurel. The little girl didn't seem to know her aside from the pictures, though, so Laurel is probably not her grandmother, or she died before the girl was born. Or she and the grandpa broke up, in which case I wouldn't think he'd still have pictures of her around the house, but who knows.

Team Tess, here. Maybe the video wasn't the most mature way of dealing with her teacher, but Tess is a teenager and I can understand being fed up when the teacher is still touching other black students' hair and continually misgendering her friend after being corrected more than once. And she's standing up for other students, too, which is a good thing, and should be encouraged. Teaching kids that they have to respect adults simply by virture of them being adults is actually what's harmful. If adults aren't showing children respect, they don't deserve respect in return. And "screw you" is so mild as to barely be an insult, anyway. If I were Randall and Beth, I'd talk to her about more productive ways of handling the situation, but grounding her for six weeks is unnecessary. 

I'm glad Kevin and Madison are opening up to each other about their addictions. Kevin recognizes that addiction has been an issue in his family and Jack never talked about it, but Kevin wants to do better than that for the sake of their children. 

Curious about this whole thing with the birth mom Kate and Toby met. I can see both points of view, that she seems nice enough, but maybe too nice.

[MissLucas]

That was a mixed bag as usual. I knew the girl would make a pass on Randall but I did not expect the twist, egads! 

I think Tess' punishment was harsh but I agree with her parents - she has to find better ways to communicate. As Beth said the internet has a long memory and that clip could come back and haunt her later in life by someone taking it out of context, editing it etc. 

I wondered how much Justin Hartley channeled of his own feelings about being asked to do shirtless scenes during Kevin's monologue (way to make me feel guilty about my enthusiasm for his first scene). I thought it had always been clear that Madison had bulimia. Someone mentioned in the discussion for the season opener that it should be an issue for her to be pregnant - good call. I really liked Kevin and Madison's discussion. Also Kevin mentioned several times that he's still trying to come to terms with his brother. So he's clearly still upset. I wonder how long it will take for Randall to mention the fight to his new therapist. 

I thought Kate and Toby were cute - even during the diaper fight. But I also feel concerned about the mom - tv rules dictate that she will change her mind. Speaking of tv rules: I was also expecting a body at the end of the fishing rod in the opening scene. Once that did not happen I knew what was up. 

Edited November 11, 2020 by MissLucas

[buttersister]

Quote

Team Tess, here. Maybe the video wasn't the most mature way of dealing with her teacher, but Tess is a teenager and I can understand being fed up when the teacher is still touching other black students' hair and continually misgendering her friend after being corrected more than once. And she's standing up for other students, too, which is a good thing, and should be encouraged.  ... And "screw you" is so mild as to barely be an insult, anyway. If I were Randall and Beth, I'd talk to her about more productive ways ...

+1.  The only part I liked was that Randall backed Beth’s play, even though it was off. Sorry, Tess, you don’t know how much your mother needed that.

[chocolatine]

I don't think Tess's punishment was too harsh. She needs to learn that two wrongs don't make a right. The teacher's behavior was almost beside the point; it was Tess's reaction that Randall and Beth were punishing, which was 100% within her control. And they don't have a problem with Tess using strong language in general, only with profanity in particular. Randall let Tess call him "fascist" and only stopped her when she was about to say "bullshit." That actually made me smile, because I also used to call my parents "fascist" at that age when they were setting/enforcing certain boundaries. I would never have dreamed of using profanity though, since the punishment for that would have been much more severe than losing phone privileges for six weeks.

4 hours ago, Runningwild said:

puberty Randall was a mega jerk. He was nasty to his brother, the doctor and his parents. Didn’t seem like he was bottling up much. 

He was also nasty to Kate when she asked him if he wanted to help her with her school project and he scoffed and said he'd already done that project in third grade.

3 hours ago, PepSinger said:

To be fair, Madison's eating disorder has been mentioned in previous episodes. We just didn't know it was bulimia specifically. 

There was an episode in S2 that addressed her bulimia. Madison took Kate wedding dress shopping to an upscale bridal boutique that carried dresses in Kate's size. They were offered some sweets and/or pastries when they arrived at the store; Madison ate a few but later regretted it and went to the bathroom to throw up.

Edited November 11, 2020 by chocolatine

[buckboard]

I agree with Randall and Bess that Tess shouldn't have dealt with her problem by making a video and swearing at the teacher.  

However, I think it would have been better for them to say, "Okay.  We didn't like the way you dealt with your problem.  Let's the three of us sit down and discuss what would be a better way to deal with this" rather than just yanking away her phone for 6 weeks.  She was punished, but the teacher was still touching other Black kids' hair and so the problem still exists.  And does the Tess's friend have a copy of the video that everyone can still access?

[Brookside]

 

3 hours ago, DoubleUTeeEff said:

 

Kate and Toby are a mess. They can't even keep a lid on the bickering for 15 minutes when they are trying to make a good impression on someone? I don't think it was a terrible fight or anything, it seemed like normal bickering between a couple but damn. Quintessential Pearson to make other people watch/listen to/get caught up in your drama. I don't know why I'm still surprised by it, lol.

 

The bickering was ridiculous.  Of course we all know spouses/partners bicker, but if they're hoping to adopt a baby, one would hope they would have the sense to wait until they were not in front of the prospective mother.

3 hours ago, Runningwild said:

I’m on the principal’s side. Tess and her friend should not have made that video. The teacher was wrong to touch Tess’s hair. That’s a given. Tess asked her to stop and she did. Even if it does bother the other kids that the teacher is touching their hair, that is not for Tess to call her teacher out on a video on the internet. And don’t even get me started with “they.”
 

I have a child who asks to be identified as "they".  I am considered an out-and-out bleeding heart liberal by many of my friends, and have no problem with their (my child's) sexual identity, but as an editor it's like nails on a chalkboard.

 

3 hours ago, gonzosgirrl said:

I have heard 'put your foot in it' many times, but it always meant you'd said or done something dumb/awkward. Never heard it as a compliment for cooking. 

 

This is how I've always understood it.  (Like the time I asked my foreign exchange mother when her baby was due.  Yeah, not pregnant.)  Also, mentioning something about a mutual friend that was supposed to be a secret.

Edited November 11, 2020 by Brookside

[Racj82]

4 hours ago, PepSinger said:

I agree. It's beyond ridiculous that the teacher wouldn't use the child's pronouns. In addition, it's 2020. You'd think people would know by now not to touch our hair -- or anyone's hair.

Count me in with those who think Tess' punishment was too harsh. Three or four weeks? Okay. Six? WTH? She didn't use any swear words, and keeping her grounded that long isn't going to teach her anything. Also, as someone noted, Tess needs a computer/laptop to do her online schooling, so she'll still have access to the Internet. 

I'm sorry, I've been very open to learning all of these changes in the world. All of these new terms and ways of identifying one's self but this I have no gender "they" thing I will never be able to get. It's one of the few things where I understand someone just not getting it or not going along with it. Not even saying it's the right reaction. It's just that some changes are harder than others to figure out.

[Racj82]

4 hours ago, gonzosgirrl said:

I have heard 'put your foot in it' many times, but it always meant you'd said or done something dumb/awkward. Never heard it as a compliment for cooking. 

I thought Kevin and Madison's conversation was good, though it's hard to believe that her eating disorder never came up before. I  assume he knew how Kate and Madison met.  

Randall was being his obnoxious self as a teen.  I felt awful for him with the cringey kiss thing though. 

I love the show still, but I am so not interested in Laurel.  

Young Tess is a really good actress,  and I agree the punishment is OTT for the crime.

I'm super confused about so many people not knowing I out my foot it in. It's just a silly term saying you cooked something really well it's not literal so no reason to be grossed out by it. It's just like, I put my all into this and it came out great.

I also don't understand all this defense of Tess. What I mean by that it is, what the teacher did was wrong. That doesn't make what Tess did okay. You don't post videos like that about your teachers online. That's creating a whole other issue and making that teacher a target. The teacher is wrong but you got to go through the proper channels. That's what her parents and the principal are for. She is still minor. As a parent, they can't just ignore that. Sometimes what feels like the right thing still leads to consequences.

1 hour ago, Brookside said:

 

The bickering was ridiculous.  Of course we all know spouses/partners bicker, but if they're hoping to adopt a baby, one would hope they would have the sense to wait until they were not in front of the prospective mother.

I have a child who asks to be identified as "they".  I am considered an out-and-out bleeding heart liberal by many of my friends, and have no problem with their (my child's) sexual identity, but as an editor it's like nails on a chalkboard.

 

This is how I've always understood it.  (Like the time I asked my foreign exchange mother when her baby was due.  Yeah, not pregnant.)  Also, mentioning something about a mutual friend that was supposed to be a secret.

You are talking about putting your foot in your mouth not putting your foot in it which is just talking about cooking a meal that came out great.

[SadieT]

Was worried the fishing grandpa/granddaughter duo was going to turn into another pointless horse girl tale and got irrationally angry at first. But then I actually ended up liking their scenes together and the “twist” at the end with Randall’s birth mom certainly made it interesting. 

When the episode opened with young Kevin being weighed on a scale at the doctor’s office my mind immediately went to Madison and the fact that she has an eating disorder and is pregnant with twins. I wondered if they would eventually touch on that and then they did, so I was pleased to see they didn’t just forget that we were first introduced to the character at an ED support group. I’m actually enjoying watching Kevin and Madison learn about each other and really want to see if they’ll work out. 

When Toby said it seemed like the mother had combed through their social media to figure out their interests I couldn’t decide if that was meant to be super obvious foreshadowing, or if it was an intentional misdirect to make us think the pregnant lady is shady when she’s really not. Either way, Toby and Kate better be careful. 

Also the diaper fight felt more like a skit they had prepared for the birth mom's benefit to show how quickly they resolve conflict than an actual argument. 

At first I thought it was cute that Randall was so oblivious to a girl liking him and just didn’t seem interested in girls at all… then that girl said what she said and my heart sank for him. This show can be insanely overwrought at times but that scene was so subtle yet so effective in illustrating the prejudices Randall must have faced every day living as a young black man in a predominately white neighborhood. Fetishizing POC for their “exotic” features is so prevalent but rarely talked about. 

I don’t think I would have been as angry as Beth was about the video but I definitely think Tess needed to be punished, more so for her shitty attitude than for the video itself. But kids need to learn there’s consequences for their actions and they can’t just do whatever their feelings tell them to. The "did she call you a fascist?" line made me chuckle because I swear kids think any adult who tries to impose rules is a fascist. I hear that word thrown around so much by my younger cousins and nieces that its beginning to lose all meaning. 

Edited November 11, 2020 by SadieT

[Guest]

I think it’s funny that Season 1 and most of 2, it was “Kevin is a horrible human being for being mean to teenage Randall” but the writers are finally showing that it wasn’t as one sided as that.

6 weeks is a long time. But Tess and her friend need to learn both proper problem solving and that the internet is forever. I find it hard to believe that a teacher teaching in an inner city setting just finds black hair so novel that she touches it constantly for her other students even after realizing she shouldn’t do it anymore to Tess.

Major flashbacks to horse girl with fish girl originally.

[debraran]

6 hours ago, bybrandy said:

Outlander isn't my jam (but yay all the Willow Rosenberg shout outs!!!!) but I love, love, love that Maddison is a big convention going fangirl.  I was shipping them already but now I am in hard core.  Team Mevin?  Maddisevin?    Yeah, portmanteau names are dumb.   Just saying I like Kevin and Maddison and I am, in general, an anti-shipper.

When Maddison first explained about her eating disorder I genuinely had a moment where I was like, "Oh, yeah, that's why we know her!"   It had been so long I had forgotten that's how she met Kate. 

Probably the right thing to do for Randall and Beth but I am teem Tess and Tess's NB friend on this one.   I'm not a parent, it's fine.   Respect pronouns and never touch anybody's hair... like EVER.. but especially not black people.  That's just... and respect pronouns.

Kate and Toby's birth mom is totally going to change her mind and leave them heartbroken but I don't think she's grifting them in any way at all.   I think she just genuinely liked their profile/vid and felt a connection.

I was never mad at Randall in this episode...  but what's up with the two journals?  Do we know something already about the other journal?

I'm okay with the Vietnamese grandfather knowing somethign about Randall's mom, I guess, but if he's also somehow connected to um.... what's Jack's brother's name????,,,,, I'm going to be sort of put out...

And I was sort of okay with this being Jack's brother being this kid's other grandfather until.... the moment we saw Randall's mom.   Quite frankly, I think I'd still prefer this to be a connection to Jack's brother... I just can't handle it being both, so....

 

But why have pictures of Laurel all over his house? I assume they were married and she died.

I understand Tess but when she said she had to speak for others, I hope they were offended and she didn't use that as an excuse. What is with all the touching hair? My mixed kids had some dumb comments but never by teachers. They also were told once by another  black teen that something didn't bother them as much as it bothered others. But in 2020, why all the touching? I feel the writers should have kept it to "they" and things like that. I also thought the adoption meeting was surreal. She seemed "off " and I can't see in 2020 how Toby hasn't checked her out online. Does she have a baby or child or live where she said? Not much mystery today. They can find out a lot free.

From interview on mystery man:

Speaking of mystery — and when you talk about This Is Us, you often are — the third episode of season 5 was garnished with scenes involving a Vietnamese grandfather (Vien Hong) and his over-inquisitive granddaughter (Brandilyn Cheah), who needled him with questions. Questions that brought into focus the woman in all those photos around the house. That woman? Randall's birth mother, Laurel (Jennifer C. Holmes), who, as it was revealed in last week's premiere, did not die from an overdose on the day that Randall was born. Is she still alive? Maybe. Maybe not. But clearly, worlds will soon collide, and one would imagine that Randall's life is about to… what's the word?… change.

Full interview here : https://ew.com/tv/this-is-us-dan-fogelman-kevin-madison-randalls-mom/

 

Edited November 11, 2020 by debraran

[alexvillage]

7 hours ago, VanillaBear85 said:

Adults need to be encouraged to be respectful and not touch teenagers. Easily on the side of Tess and her friend. The video was not disrespectful in the slightest to me. A teacher should not pet a child. 

People should not touch other people without consent, period. Kids should not be forced to hug relatives of friends either. Also, people who use wheelchair will probably say that: don't ever touch the chair without consent.

[alexvillage]

7 hours ago, txhorns79 said:

I think it goes both ways.  The right solution is Tess speaking to Beth and Randall, and they forming a united front to speak to the school.  Tess undermined herself with the video because then she becomes the issue instead of the teacher.

Maybe she undermined herself if you look from an authoritarian point of view, as in hierarchic power. But if you see Tess as someone that is slowly learning to be an activist, I think it is an excellent start. Dissent should be encouraged. 

[debraran]

28 minutes ago, alexvillage said:

People should not touch other people without consent, period. Kids should not be forced to hug relatives of friends either. Also, people who use wheelchair will probably say that: don't ever touch the chair without consent.

That's true, my grandmother put up with a lot of that, re chair. Pregnant women still have people want to touch their belly without asking which is odd. I googled the hair thing and it has happened within the last 5 years at various schools so time and instruction doesn't always work. It has been more young children but not always. One teacher at my kids high school put his hand on a girls shoulder to say something while passing by her desk and she was very angry. Just don't touch! Teachers cutting hair, brushing hair, I will never stop being surprised.

I wonder if the black friend Rebecca met by the pool will be back? I think her son was going to Howard and her picture was on mantle in home with kids for a while.

Edited November 11, 2020 by debraran

[ElectricBoogaloo]

I'm not Black, but apparently I have shiny magical hair because beginning from the time I was in elementary school, people have always wanted to touch my hair. The first time I remember it happening was in second grade when we were all lined up single file to go somewhere and the girl behind me started fondling my hair and told me that it was soooooo shiny. Even at that age, I thought WHY ARE YOU TOUCHING MY HAIR? But of course I was raised to be a polite girl so I didn't tell her to GTFO. I'm glad that Tess told the teacher not to touch her hair because that is really inappropriate.

Re: they and pronouns - I don't see it as being very different from a kid named Robert telling the teacher he wants to be called Bobby or go by his middle name. Whatever you tell me you want to be called is what you should be called. If you want to be called Princess Consuela Banana Hammock, that's your call. It's not anyone else's place to say it's too difficult to pronounce your name correctly or remember what you want to be called.

Toby and Kate were just so fucking much to deal with as usual. You seriously can't stop bickering (or at least wait until later) when you're trying to make a good impression on someone who might be giving you her baby? Ugh. I get why Toby wants to be cautious and not get their hopes up, but he is being such an Eeyore about this girl. Because we're watching This Is Us, I'm sure there is way more to this girl's story than meets the eye but Toby seemed determined to sink this ship. Instead of being happy that they had something in common like loving Buffy or thinking her Ghostbusters ringtone was funny, he went to the dark place and said it seemed like she combed through their social media to appeal to them. First of all, make your accounts private, dummies! But secondly, why can't you just accept that this other person has some common pop culture interests instead of assuming she's a total psycho?

My fear with Randall's new therapist is that Randall likes him so much that he's going to want them to be friends, which is not an appropriate relationship to have with your therapist. You should definitely get a good vibe from them but ultimately, your therapist is there to help guide you to a better place, not be your new BFF. I think he was right to get a new therapist for the exact reason he told his old therapist. He needs to feel comfortable talking to his therapist about everything and the fact that he was holding things back from her means she wasn't the right one for him. But he seems so eager to prove himself to his new therapist and get his approval that I don't know how well this one will work out either.

I really felt for Beth. It sucks when you fulfill your parental duty providing food and the kids won't eat it. Of course, I feel I should point out that Deja and Tess are both enough to make their own damn breakfasts. Hell, even Annie is old enough to make pancakes. I'm glad that Randall appreciated Beth's awesome pancakes!

I was worried about Madison and Kevin getting engaged because, as she correctly pointed out in this episode, they don't really know each other. You can like having sex with each other and coparent without getting married. I'm glad that they're finally being more open with each other. If they're going to have this kid together, they need to be able to do that (regardless of whether they get married or stay in a committed romantic relationship with each other). I'm also glad that the show hasn't forgotten about Madison's eating disorder, which is why she and Kate met in the first place. It would have been silly for them not to mention that someone with the level of body dysmorphia that she had in S1 would have issues with gaining weight and constantly being weighed during pregnancy.

7 hours ago, cardigirl said:

I get that this show makes money for NBC but for cryin out loud, I was getting tired of 5 minutes of show and 8 minutes of commercials. I swear we only got 35 minutes of film tonight.

There may have been frequent commercial breaks, but the episode was 42 minutes long which is the typical length of an hourlong drama on network tv these days.

[MsJamieDornan]

I'm tired of this show, really tired.

[PRgal]

The show jumped the shark last episode.  It’s a given.  As for Tess and her friend.  Back in the day, we posted things on ratemyteacher.com (though I was in university by the time i found out about the site)!  But as a parent, I think Tess should have gone to Randall and Beth.  Randall is a politician and has the connections to make changes. 

[ItCouldBeWorse]

7 hours ago, KaveDweller said:

Who has time to make pancakes for breakfast on a weekday?

Since the girls are attending school remotely and skip their commute, Beth could easily have an extra half hour or more in the morning if she still gets up at the same time she used to.

 

 

Edited November 11, 2020 by ItCouldBeWorse

[Haleth]

8 hours ago, ams1001 said:

I was thinking we were in Vietnam and it was gonna be some kind of explosive or something.

Yup, and then Kate and Toby would adopt the little girl.  Because that mother they met is a scam, right?  (My guess.)

I had no idea that was Laurel in the pic.  I was thinking, "is that Zoe?" since I associate her with going to Vietnam.  Since the girl didn't call the woman in the pics grandmother, I don't think she (the girl) is related by blood to Randall.  But... just what we need!  Another character!

Tess was completely wrong to post the video but 6 weeks seems harsh.  Randall could have asked her how long she thought the punishment should be and agree on maybe 2 weeks.  The point still would have been made but with less resentment.  Tess is a smart girl, she has to learn there's a better way to make her feelings known.  After all, she's a Pearson; speechifying is in her DNA.

Poor teen Randall.  That must have really hurt.  

Madison and Kevin had a great, cleansing talk.  I rolled my eyes in his first scene when he comes in shirtless, thinking isn't that why he quit the Manny?  Here the RL actor had to do the same thing, a gratuitous shirtless scene.

[gonzosgirrl]

4 hours ago, Racj82 said:

You are talking about putting your foot in your mouth not putting your foot in it which is just talking about cooking a meal that came out great.

No, I'm talking about the expression I've heard and used all my life. 

"I left a private message open on my computer and the boss saw it."

"Oh, you've put your foot in it now!"

Before last night I have never heard it used in relation to good cooking. It's no harder understand to than you being baffled by those who aren't familiar with it used this way. 

Edited November 11, 2020 by gonzosgirrl

[LeighLeigh]

51 minutes ago, debraran said:

That's true, my grandmother put up with a lot of that, re chair. Pregnant women still have people want to touch their belly without asking which is odd. I googled the hair thing and it has happened within the last 5 years at various schools so time and instruction doesn't always work. It has been more young children but not always. One teacher at my kids high school put his hand on a girls shoulder to say something while passing by her desk and she was very angry. Just don't touch! Teachers cutting hair, brushing hair, I will never stop being surprised.

I wonder if the black friend Rebecca met by the pool will be back? I think her son was going to Howard and her picture was on mantle in home with kids for a while.

By the way, the actress who plays her is Randall’s wife in real life. 

[Blakeston]

Tess and her friend had every right to be angry, and I think it would have been reasonable for them to put something on the internet saying, "We have teachers who misgender us and touch our hair, and that's unacceptable."

But calling out the teachers by name and adding "screw you" to it? That makes it a really bad move. Saying "screw you" to a teacher in class would unquestionably be completely inappropriate, and as far as I'm concerned, saying it on the internet for all the world to hear is worse.

I'm not surprised that Tess got in trouble for that at school. It certainly would have been a huge deal at my high school.

All of that said, though...six weeks without a phone is really harsh when there's a pandemic going on.