Amanda: "Water balls"? Please tell me that's not a doctor's note.
David: It's about the Orbs of Fury. They're like big, uh water balls. Look, it's shorthand, okay? I bought a franchise.
Amanda: What about mud?
David: Oh, I'm still doing mud. Mud and balls. I'm now Mr. Mud Balls.
Amanda: And just when you started talking like a grown up.
David: Things about the Simi Faire that are awesome include Shart bragging about a base tan, getting fried, and us winning bets. Group trips to Disneyland and Delilah OD'ing on Dole Whips, bigger crowds than the Royal, bigger tips than the Royal. Also, me. And you haven't lived until you have tasted sixteenth century churros.
Seen on the ride share board:
Ride needed to Simi Renaissance Festival
1 passenger with 1 suitcase
Exquisite conversationalist, excellent musician, minimal farting, will split gas and food en route
Lee: We have Bo and Jenny's wedding coming up, so all hands on deck.
Delilah: Are you going to book a stripper to officiate this wedding too?
Brian: Speaking of shared props, I would love to not be the only one responsible for transporting all of them to Simi this year.
Maggie: And I would love to drive something other than a 1999 Toyota Tercel, but God only gives us what we can handle, right?
Jenny: Did you get the fabric from the kilt guy?
Bo: I did.
Bo: Oh, we want to incorporate a little of my Scottish heritage into the wedding.
Amanda: You're Scottish?
Bo: 12%. I just did my DNA.
Jenny: His yarmulke's going to be the tartan of Clan MacDonald.
Bo: Also 17% Ashkenazi Jew.
Alden: When you bought in, I told you two things about water balls.
David: Keep the pool full and that people run out of oxygen after 10 minutes?
Alden: Okay, four things.
David: I had such big dreams - pinball machine, island off the coast of France, some stuff in the middle.
David: Tell Joanntha that her new clutch is fetching. I mean, I'm just assuming.
Joantha: Remi wants another yogurt. I told her she was getting chunky.
Joantha: Oh, Mandy, my love. I'm going to be at a benefit when you get home, but I got you an appointment with Uncle Gary's second wife. She's a headhunter. I told her you have a terrible resume but a sparkling personality. She suggested real estate.
Erin: Uncle Gary's second wife is in prison.
Joantha: I meant Uncle Larry.
Shart: How's this?
Stick: The size is good. The color, ugh. Hot pink has no meaning in Buddhism.
Shart: So you're asking me to find a more Buddhist shoe box for your possum funeral?
Brian: I was in the chorus of A Chorus Line at a dinner theater once. The signature dish was the Singularly Sensation.
Maggie: While I know you don't love Alicia-
Brian: I don't love raisin bagels. I despise Alicia.
Areola: I only work this faire. The rest of the year, I teach special ed in Cooperstown.
Amanda: Oh, really?
Areola: Yep. It gets awkward when students show up and stick ones down my cleavage. What are you gonna do [in Raleight]?
Amanda: David has this great opportunity with the Orbs?
Areola: Was that a question or a statement?
Amanda: Shameless millennial upspeak?
Brian: Are these slacks too big? Or have I been wearing tights too long?
Amanda: So this is goodbye then.
Maggie: Oh, I don't do goodbyes. I prefer to disappear in the middle of the night.
Amanda: The Irish goodbye.
Maggie: The French exit.
Maggie: I guess every culture has a name for avoiding prolonged interaction at the end of the gathering.