Hope: You are literally the only person on the planet who knows that I exist.
Lizzie: Epic former frenemy reunion is going to have to wait.
Lizzie: Speak your truth. Spill your beans. Tell your tale.
Hope: Why didn't you tell [Josie]?
Lizzie: Because I didn't want to be the one to break her heart. That's your job.
Hope: We have to get to the school to protect Landon.
Lizzie: More like protect Josie from Landon by warning her she's about to have sex with a human sized muppet.
MG: Can you see [Sebastian]?
Kaleb: All I see is a dude who can't respect boundaries.
Kaleb: Ask [Sebastian] what he wants.
MG: He wants us to find his body. He says he's been desiccated in a box somewhere. He's a little vague on specifics.
Sebastian: I am vague, because, as aforementioned I am desiccated in a box!
MG: I'm a pacifist but if you touch my hair again, we will throw hands.
Raf: [Josie] thinks it's going to happen tonight.
Landon: No, there's no way. Dude, sex after a dance is so-
Raf: So, what? Eighties?
Vardemus: Principal Saltzman, I'm afraid I must remind you that you are prohibited from being here - by court order.
Alaric: Relax, Fumbledore.
Hope: What's wrong with this decade?
Lizzie: Reaganomics? Recreational cocaine? Jams?
Lizzie: Why are we in our grandparents' decade?
Keeper: Oh, yeah. Sorry. It's the only decade I know. Turns out you miss a lot of pop culture when guys in black suits drop you into a giant pit of goo.
Lizzie: What is wrong with you? Do you really have that much of a martyr complex that you couldn't just oh, I don't know, ask one of us how we were doing?
Hope: Look, I know that it seems kind of-
Lizzie: Dumb? Selfish? Controlling?
Kaleb: Dude smells worse than that blood fountain.
Sebastian: Oh, you're both weaklings.
MG: Shut up. Your face look like beef jerky.
Kaleb: Oh, is he here? Tell him to talk to me.
Sebastian: Oh, as much as I would love that, in my diminished state, I can only appear to the fragile-minded like you.
MG: Um, he says that you have to be on, like, the same spiritual wavelength.
Sebastian: Oh, this is maddening. The rancid blood that you two turnips bumbled on me was inadequate. But with enough fresh blood, I will surely be restored.
MG: Yeah. No way we're doing that.
Dorian: Uh oh, angst alert. Landon's journaling.
Alaric: Let me get this straight. You don't know who this vampire is or how he got down there, just that he's been desiccated for some unknown reason, and he wants you two to wake him up.
Kaleb: Um, yeah. That about that about covers it.
Alaric: Unless I'm missing something, I would say let him rot.
Kaleb: We don't even know what he's doing down there in the first place.
Alaric: Neither do I, but it's safe to say that no one is desiccated for being too nice.
Kaleb: Okay, but that doesn't mean he's guilty. And even if he is, what crime equals that kind of time?
Alaric: Hypothetically, the slaughter of a couple dozen villages.
Lizzie: Be more careful next time, Frank!
Lizzie: I'm ready to take this maze and shove it up your-
Keeper: Maze? Oh, no, this isn't a maze. It's a labyrinth. Know the difference?
Lizzie: Do I look like a nerd?
Kaleb: Rise and shine, brother vampire. Talk to me like the rain, and I will lie here and listen.
Sebastian: You're a poet.
Kaleb: Nah, that's Tennessee Williams, bruh.
Josie: Landon, you know that we don't have to dance tonight if you don't want to.
Landon: Okay, cool. We also totally don't have to have sex tonight. Um, in case your use of dancing wasn't a metaphor.
Lizzie: My friend gets out, right?
Keeper: She is set free from the eternal pain of the labyrinth, yes.
Lizzie: That was very carefully worded.
Alaric: I want the school to succeed, which means you have to succeed so, please, be better than I was.
Vardemus: That's a very low bar. Is this the part where you punch me in the face?
Alaric: Only in my mind.