Josiah and Lauren: He Has To Marry Somebody

[doodlebug]

6 hours ago, YupItsMe said:

When we got married in the 70s, I was 18 and my husband was 19. We actually were adults. It was my choice to get married, my mom and dad did not marry me off. In fact my mom really wanted me to wait a couple more years, but I wanted to be married to the man I loved. We have been married now for 41 years. It hasn’t always been easy but I wouldn’t have changed it for the world. Sometimes people just find the person that they are meant to be with sooner than other people might. That’s what I hope for these two, that it was their choice and that they will live happily ever after. It’s always what I hope for people when they get married, whatever their age.

I understand exactly what you're saying; my older sister eloped at 19, her groom was 18.  44 years and counting, they seem to be pretty happy with the lives they've made.  And both sets of parents wanted them to wait: finish school, get established a bit which is why they eloped.  

However, my sister and her husband are the exception.  Most teenage marriages fail.  And we already know that Lauren and Josiah didn't know each other well before they got engaged, that they weren't allowed to be alone together, that the only option was courtship, followed shortly thereafter by engagement and marriage within months.  My sister had known her husband for three years and dated him for a year and a half before they married.  Not comparable.

I do know a man from India.  He married via arranged marriage, in his early 20's.  They're now married around 30 years with grown kids and he seems exceptionally happy with his family life: proudly shows photos, brags about his wife's cooking, clearly enjoys all the time they spend together as a couple and a family.  I asked him about how his arranged marriage seemed so great.  He told me that, in his culture, divorce really isn't an option, and that they both realized it was for life.  He said they both decided that, since they were together forever, why wouldn't they want to be happy?  He said they made a conscious effort to look for the lovable things in each of them and not dwell on the less than stellar parts.  And, it worked for them, he said, "I fell in love and I have stayed in love'. Unfortunately, I don't see Josiah and Lauren having the intellectual depth to do this kind of work on their marriage which is why I am suspicious that they are not nearly as happy together today as they(she) claims and I don't see that improving over the long haul.

I do think this couple will 'succeed' in that they are in a culture where divorce is worse that infidelity or abuse and where the wife does the lion's share of the emotional heavy lifting.

[Scarlett45]

Arranged marriages work out fine (I’m not including situations with abuse/neglect or addiction) where both parties have similar cultural values and understand the marriage is for financial support, partnered sex, childrearing, advancement of the extended family and companionship- NOT romantic love or sexual passion. Not that it’s impossible for a couple to develop that (if someone is meeting your social needs, emotional needs and having sex with you on the regular it’s easy to get attached to them) , but that’s not the goal of the marriage  

My problem with these fundies is that they wrap up these courtships in the bow of secular romantic love and sexual passion as the GOAL of the marriage, and give young people a bunch of unrealistic expectations. Like Josiah and Lauren! Cause sexual passion and romantic love are rare and do fade even if you had it in the first place! But it sounds prettier and sexier than “nope, when you reach early adulthood we will find someone in our social milieu who can meet your need for partnered sex in a socially approved way, raise children with you and secure your future domestically/financially with a minimal amount of personal compatibility.”

I don’t know if Josiah is gay or not, but if he hadn’t been spoon fed that he’s supposed to be crazy about his wife (and he’s not) he may be happier. Lauren may not feel the need to prove how “in love” they are if they weren’t expected to be and she may be happier too. 

[doodlebug]

2 hours ago, Scarlett45 said:

I don’t know if Josiah is gay or not, but if he hadn’t been spoon fed that he’s supposed to be crazy about his wife (and he’s not) he may be happier. Lauren may not feel the need to prove how “in love” they are if they weren’t expected to be and she may be happier too. 

I agree, although Josiah and Lauren have what would essentially be an arranged marriage in other cultures, they are supposed to present themselves as having a loving and passionate relationship, whether they do or not.  And, as humans, virtually none of us are wired to have an immediate loving and passionate relationship with someone we met 10 minutes ago which is why their insistence that they are so very happily married at all times causes such skepticism.  Having to maintain that façade has got to be exhausting over the long haul and I think it ultimately leads to bitterness and acrimony between the parties involved.

[xwordfanatik]

10 hours ago, YupItsMe said:

When we got married in the 70s, I was 18 and my husband was 19. We actually were adults. It was my choice to get married, my mom and dad did not marry me off. In fact my mom really wanted me to wait a couple more years, but I wanted to be married to the man I loved. We have been married now for 41 years. It hasn’t always been easy but I wouldn’t have changed it for the world. Sometimes people just find the person that they are meant to be with sooner than other people might. That’s what I hope for these two, that it was their choice and that they will live happily ever after. It’s always what I hope for people when they get married, whatever their age.

Bravo!  I was an 18 year old bride, Mr. X was 23 and had served in the military, so he was definitely more "worldly" than I was.  We've been married for 47 years.  We did wait to have our daughter until 10 years married.  I knew I wouldn't be ready to have a baby until then, and Mr. was fine with waiting, too.  We both had jobs, bought our first house, vehicles, etc. before becoming parents.  When it's right, it's right.  

I hope Si is happy with his young bride.  Lauren seems a lot more immature and sheltered than I was at her age.  Will having a baby make her grow up sooner than later?  Time will tell.

[Minivanessa]

1 hour ago, doodlebug said:

I agree, although Josiah and Lauren have what would essentially be an arranged marriage in other cultures, they are supposed to present themselves as having a loving and passionate relationship, whether they do or not.  And, as humans, virtually none of us are wired to have an immediate loving and passionate relationship with someone we met 10 minutes ago which is why their insistence that they are so very happily married at all times causes such skepticism.  Having to maintain that façade has got to be exhausting over the long haul and I think it ultimately leads to bitterness and acrimony between the parties involved.

Well said. It's all the BS and hypocrisy that's wrapped up in the Duggar/Bates/Gothard/fundie "purity" and "courting" dogma that IMO makes it silly at best and toxic at worst. So many of those fundie bloggers/authors/leaders manage to so egregiously conflate Jesus and purity and fairy tale princes meeting their fairy tale princesses, not to mention working adolescents up to be terrified of "giving away pieces of your heart" and becoming as worthless as a chewed piece of gum, that it can make your head spin.

[yogi2014L]

IMO- The main difference between other teenage marriages and these fundie teen marriages is that the fundies have no life experience, stunted emotional maturity, extremely lacking education. They don't even know each other on a true personal level!!! They aren't allowed to even have a solo conversation. So even if they 'pick' their spouse, they can't possibly know that person well enough to know if they are matched for life. 

They are set up for failure, and even mainstream teenage marriages have the odds stacked against them without the other issues . And this isn't even touching on the stress of parenthood and having baby after baby after baby. It is insanity !!!!

I am so interested to see what becomes of these families in 10, 15 , 20 years.

Edited October 10, 2019 by yogi2014L

[Zella]

58 minutes ago, yogi2014L said:

IMO- The main difference between other teenage marriages and these fundie teen marriages is that the fundies have no life experience, stunted emotional maturity, extremely lacking education. They don't even know each other on a true personal level!!! They aren't allowed to even have a solo conversation. So even if they 'pick' their spouse, they can't possibly know that person well enough to know if they are matched for life. 

They are set up for failure, and even mainstream teenage marriages have the odds stacked against them without the other issues . And this isn't even touching on the stress of parenthood and having baby after baby after baby. It is insanity !!!!

I am so interested to see what becomes of these families in 10, 15 , 20 years.

Bingo! I know a lot of people who got married young who are very happy in their marriages. (My grandparents being one of them.)

But they also didn't come from these repressive, toxic uber-fundie families where they were being shoved into marriage as young as possible to avoid sin and make babies for Jesus. That's a big difference, and I don't think other examples of successful marriages between people at this age are really comparable for that reason. 

Edited October 10, 2019 by Zella

[MyPeopleAreNordic]

Overall, people who get married before 25 have DOUBLE the divorce rate as people who are 25 or older when they marry. (http://maselliwarren.com/2014/03/20/divorce-rates-increase-youre-25/)

There are plenty of cases where people who marry before 25 stay married for their entire lives; my parents married at 20 and over 5 decades later are still together.  But more people who marry under 25 divorce than stay married by a 10% margin (60% of those who marry between 20-25 divorce according to the link above).  So there's more chance people who marry under 25 will divorce than stay married.

I'm not sure these stats really even apply when we're talking about marriage "success" in Fundies, though, unless one or both people in the couple leave.  Fundies may have a horrible marriage but divorce is unacceptable in Fundie-ism.  If it was accepetable, I assume the numbers would be higher.  I know I am very glad I didn't spend my late teens/early 20s as baby machine married to someone I'd dated for three months.  I know it works for some people, but I am just glad I had other opportunities and sad for Lauren, Anna, Kendra, etc that they didn't get to spend any notable portion of their lives as people who weren't property/under a headship of their dads then husbands. I'm glad I got to have an identity for myself that wasn't just wife and/or mom for a long time as an adult (because let's face it, that's the only identity these women have or will ever have - someone's wife or mom).  It's sad, not because they necessarily married young (although I personally wouldn't recommend to a 20 year old non-Fundie to get married even if my parents & others did it & have had successful marriages because of the divorce stats for marrying so young), but because they never got to learn about themselves or have life experiences between being so-and-so's daughter and being so-and-so's wife/mom-to-#-of-blessings.  What a waste.

If I was Lauren, I'd probably become a salty, self-centered b*tch if I found myself married and pregnant at 20/21 with the realization this was all it (what I'd been told was my all-fulfilling goal) was.  Hell, I have postgraduate degrees; plenty of life experience with lots of different people/places; a husband I married at 25 (which seems young in retrospect); a full-time job in my field that I (99% of the time); plenty of me-time traveling, partying, & the like from my 20s; two kids that I didn't have until my 30s; and a husband who I consider my best friend & support system.....and sometimes even I am like "So, like now I'm a *real* adult. Is this it?."  (Sorry for that long train of thought, LOL.)  I'm sure that realization hurts a ton more when you're only 20/21 and realize that not only is this it, you're saddle to "it" for the rest of your life due to Fundie beliefs making it so hard for someone - especially a woman - to change course once they're in their it*.  

Add on to that the fact that I think Lauren is hip to Josiah possibly not "having a heart for women" as an awesome snarker said (or some other issues that led to him going to ALERT several times) and I'd definitely be a b*tch in her shoes.  Not to mention having to be around the extended Duggar family members a lot...I definitely wouldn't be as awesome at keeping sweet as naturally sweet, giggly Kendra is (not hating on Kendra, she seems genuinely sweet & kind).  I'm no Lauren fan and I'm not trying to defend her, but I can see how this all led to Lauren being how she is.

*I got the "Is this it?" thing from an episode of The Leftovers - I loved how succinctly it seemed to put this experience. I highly recommend the show, but even this episode can be watched stand-alone (unlike some other episodes). The main character (played by an oh-so beautiful Justin Theroux) asks this question despite having the family, job, etc. It's kind of the question that can spark a midlife crisis, essentially. I imagine some of these Fundie girls have this crisis of "Is this it?" a decade or two before most and that has to suck, TBH. https://tv.avclub.com/the-leftovers-the-garveys-at-their-best-1798181393  (The show is streaming on HBO.) 

Sorry I wrote so much, y'all.  Apparently I have all the feelings about these girls possibly having the realization "this is it" at 20/21.  It's so profoundly sad even if they're not great people & have vile beliefs. 

Edited October 10, 2019 by MyPeopleAreNordic

[xwordfanatik]

Just knowing that in their culture, divorce is practically never an option, and not having been alone once in their "courtship" rulebook, would be stifling.  Both my and Mr. X's parents married once, and stayed together until death parted them.  They weren't fundie, and Mr. and I have never been churchgoers, so we weren't faced with the possible shame and shunning that a fundie couple might feel, if they were to separate or divorce.  

It just seems to me that Josiah was forced into marriage, and that Lauren might not have been his personal choice.  Getting sent to Alert more than once might mean anything, but it's really a shame that if marrying young and breeding like a rabbit wasn't in his mindset, he was pushed into it by his ever-so-Godly parents.  Control freak parents like JB and Michelle really piss me off.

[galaxychaser]

Oh Lauren posted a doozy on Instagram. 

[Lunera]

Can't let Amy have her moment. Why can't she just focus on her new blessing?

Edited October 10, 2019 by Lunera

[Absolom]

She's winning the most tone deaf Duggar award this year for sure.

[PradaKitty]

This girl is seriously mentally ill. 

[Girl in a Cardigan]

8 minutes ago, Lunera said:

Can't let Amy have her moment. Why can she just focus on her new blessing?

I want to give her the benefit of the doubt. But then I see this and I shake my head.

Because they've "decided" Asa was a boy, so this little flat lay HAS to be for their new little girl. But instead of celebrating #25weeks (or whatever number of weeks she is), she has to use it to talk about the baby that never was. Just why? Use the balloon photos you know she has a million of or a meme that she found, but not the stuff for your baby girl who apparently will always have to live in the shadow of the brother that never was. How sad.

[BitterApple]

1 hour ago, PradaKitty said:

This girl is seriously mentally ill. 

She's a nutcase. If Lauren wants to bring attention to Baby Loss Awareness Month, fine, I have no issue. But the key word here is month. She had 31 days to post about this but chooses to do so the day after a family member celebrates the birth of her first child. It's such a pattern with her I have no choice but to believe it's intentional. What a miserable twat-waffle.  

[farmgal4]

Sierra did a long InstAStory on IG about having brunch today with a friend who had a miscarriage.  She talked about having to comfort this friend.  She said she wasn’t going to mention who the friend was, but I’m seriously thinking that the “friend” was Lauren.

[Oldernowiser]

2 hours ago, Lunera said:

Can't let Amy have her moment. Why can't she just focus on her new blessing?

Well that’s just creepy AF.

[QuinnInND]

43 minutes ago, Oldernowiser said:

Well that’s just creepy AF.

She needs to take several fucking seats. Her pregnancy loss aka a heavy period is a slap in the face to those of us who have actually lost a baby! Ugh. 

I may or may not be grouchy from grading papers. 

[Sew Sumi]

Lauren has zero empathy. She borders on narcissist.

[Portia]

4 hours ago, Lunera said:

Can't let Amy have her moment. Why can't she just focus on her new blessing?

This is so bonkers, I don't even know how to respond to it. So I'll pick out the one thing I can manage to articulate: Lauren doesn't know the difference between who's and whose.

[cmr2014]

5 hours ago, xwordfanatik said:

Just knowing that in their culture, divorce is practically never an option, and not having been alone once in their "courtship" rulebook, would be stifling.  Both my and Mr. X's parents married once, and stayed together until death parted them.  They weren't fundie, and Mr. and I have never been churchgoers, so we weren't faced with the possible shame and shunning that a fundie couple might feel, if they were to separate or divorce.  

It just seems to me that Josiah was forced into marriage, and that Lauren might not have been his personal choice.  Getting sent to Alert more than once might mean anything, but it's really a shame that if marrying young and breeding like a rabbit wasn't in his mindset, he was pushed into it by his ever-so-Godly parents.  Control freak parents like JB and Michelle really piss me off.

I agree with you here.

In all of the stories that people have shared above, the young couple were "crazy kids in love" whose parents were concerned about their children taking such a big step at a young age (even JB and J'chelle fit this description).

Josiah and Lauren's situation is 180 degrees opposite of this. They are two super-boring young people who are very clearly and obviously not in love. They didn't marry despite their parents' deep concern, but were encouraged/forced into making this commitment without even knowing each other.

I think that family pressure and their own low expectation will keep them together. I also think that if the Duggars were more honest about setting their children up in arranged marriages, it would be a bit better. If Josiah and Lauren were presented as a young couple just getting to know one another and getting settled in their relationship instead of constantly trying to convince us that they're MADLY IN LOVE, they would be more palatable.

[Temperance]

FJ now has a whole thread devoted to fundie divorcees. It happens. I think it will probably happen in any family with 19 kids.

My problem with Lauren's fixation on her loss and is that she is pregnant with what appears to be a healthy baby. She's somewhere between 33 and 34 weeks pregnant. She needs to focus. 

There is one possibility here though. Maybe just maybe someone else had miscarriage (like very recently) and Lauren is trying to be supportive without naming names. I would reach out to them personally, but maybe Lauren heard through the grapevine and is actually being sensitive by not trying to support them without bringing up to them. She does seem like the kind-of person who would absolutely call to "console" you on your loss even if she heard about it from a third-party.  Then again if I were the person with the loss, I would not answer the phone if Lauren called. 

[Sew Sumi]

To be fair, Lauren's mistake is a common autocorrect error. I type one-handed and miss that stuff all the time. Hell, less than an hour ago, I made a post that read "Boob's" rather than the intended "boobs." I had to edit.

Sometimes you just don't catch your typos when you're on a phone or tablet. 

But I did think of an under-discussed grammatical error: your/you're. See it all the time. 

Edited October 11, 2019 by Sew Sumi

[Portia]

4 minutes ago, Sew Sumi said:

To be fair, that's a common autocorrect error. I type one-handed and miss that stuff all the time. Hell, less than an hour ago, I made a post that read "Boob's" rather than the intended "boobs." I had to edit.

Sometimes you just don't catch your typos when you're on a phone or tablet. 

I don't know. Whose is one of the trickier possessive pronouns. But even giving her the benefit of the doubt on that....Hundreds of thousands of followers, and she can't be arsed to proofread?

[Sew Sumi]

I hit enter without proofreading far too often because I'm rushing. I don't know Lauren's excuse. 

[GeeGolly]

Do the Duggars have a Biblical explanation of why divorce is considered a failure? Or is it just based on now having previously been used genitalia?

[Jynnan tonnix]

7 hours ago, Sew Sumi said:

I hit enter without proofreading far too often because I'm rushing. I don't know Lauren's excuse. 

I proofread, but far too often somehow manage not to notice a mistake until after I've already hit enter. For some reason it's only upon seeing my post in context that I find misspellings and such. If I see them, I edit, but maybe not everyone re-reads their posts once they are actually out there.

[crazycatlady58]

Just now, Jynnan tonnix said:

I proofread, but far too often somehow manage not to notice a mistake until after I've already hit enter. For some reason it's only upon seeing my post in context that I find misspellings and such. If I see them, I edit, but maybe not everyone re-reads their posts once they are actually out there.

Or they could be like me and read what you meant not what you typed.

[ehall1052]

We had 3 families from my church that went full-on Gothard in the late 80’s.  They each had a slew of babies (one guy even had a reversed vasectomy) after having kids who were teens at that time, they homeschooled, and embraced the belief completely. And now.....they are all divorced. I’ve lost connection with them to feel like I could ask them what happened, but the wives still attend church, (not mine) but much more main -streamed beliefs now.

[Ohiopirate02]

38 minutes ago, GeeGolly said:

Do the Duggars have a Biblical explanation of why divorce is considered a failure? Or is it just based on now having previously been used genitalia?

I am not 100% certain about why Gothard is against divorce, but I imagine that it falls along the lines of other Christian faiths.  Heathen Catholics can separate and divorce but if they want to remarry and stay in the Church's good graces they have to get an annulment.  Those annulments have various steps and costs depending on the type of marriage that is being dissolved from just a civil ceremony up to a church sanctioned marriage.  The Church of England did not allow their faithful to remarry after divorce.  That is why Edward VIII abdicated for his brother when he wanted to marry Wallis Simpson.  Also why Princess Margaret's marriage to Peter Townsend never happened.  This was eventually changed allowing Charles and Camilla to marry and Charles can keep his place in the succession.  

I would assume the Duggars would be against any divorce of the marriages that JB has arranged.  I could see him allowing Jana to marry a divorced man if his previous marriage was a civil ceremony or in a different church.  He would not care as long as the man was now the "right" type of Christian.  Especially if the ex-wife in that situation was a godless hussy who works fulltime, drinks alcohol, wears revealing clothing, etc.  They don't expect their men to be virgins just look at who Tabitha Paine married.

[GeeGolly]

24 minutes ago, Ohiopirate02 said:

I am not 100% certain about why Gothard is against divorce, but I imagine that it falls along the lines of other Christian faiths.  Heathen Catholics can separate and divorce but if they want to remarry and stay in the Church's good graces they have to get an annulment.  Those annulments have various steps and costs depending on the type of marriage that is being dissolved from just a civil ceremony up to a church sanctioned marriage.  The Church of England did not allow their faithful to remarry after divorce.  That is why Edward VIII abdicated for his brother when he wanted to marry Wallis Simpson.  Also why Princess Margaret's marriage to Peter Townsend never happened.  This was eventually changed allowing Charles and Camilla to marry and Charles can keep his place in the succession.  

I would assume the Duggars would be against any divorce of the marriages that JB has arranged.  I could see him allowing Jana to marry a divorced man if his previous marriage was a civil ceremony or in a different church.  He would not care as long as the man was now the "right" type of Christian.  Especially if the ex-wife in that situation was a godless hussy who works fulltime, drinks alcohol, wears revealing clothing, etc.  They don't expect their men to be virgins just look at who Tabitha Paine married.

Are the thoughts on divorce pulled from the Bible or are they man made?

[libgirl2]

9 hours ago, Portia said:

This is so bonkers, I don't even know how to respond to it. So I'll pick out the one thing I can manage to articulate: Lauren doesn't know the difference between who's and whose.

At least Jill posted a nice picture of her holding the baby. 

[crazycatlady58]

20 minutes ago, GeeGolly said:

Are the thoughts on divorce pulled from the Bible or are they man made?

I do not have time took it up but the  Bible does say. "God hates divorce. "

[Ohiopirate02]

13 minutes ago, GeeGolly said:

Are the thoughts on divorce pulled from the Bible or are they man made?

It's all man-made and designed to keep women shackled to mediocre men.  Divorce was an option for Jews during Jesus's life.  In the Bible, Joseph almost divorces Mary before Jesus is born.  Polygamy was also present in the Old Testament.  

[libgirl2]

4 minutes ago, crazycatlady58 said:

I do not have time took it up but the  Bible does say. "God hates divorce. "

But it doesn't say He prohibits it. 

[Portia]

Lord knows I post typos and hastily-written, poorly worded sentiments on my personal social media from time to time. But when I'm publishing something in a professional capacity, I'm darn careful that my writing reflects well on me. I'm an English teacher, but I ask others to proof for me all the time. I think when you have nearly 700,000 followers and depend on your media presence to feed your family, crafting SM posts is part of your job and warrants extra effort and an extra set of eyes. That's probably a harsh position, but Lauren is just such a pill. Frankly, I'm happy to have one more reason to roll my eyes at her. 

[crazycatlady58]

31 minutes ago, libgirl2 said:

But it doesn't say He prohibits it. 

Yes that is true. It irritates me that pe6pick on part of the Bible and focus on that without reading and understanding the meaning behind the verse. God does hate divorce but He does give reasons where divorce is permitted. 

Just now, crazycatlady58 said:

Yes that is true. It irritates me that people part of the Bible and focus on that without reading and understanding the meaning behind the verse. God does hate divorce but He does give reasons where divorce is permitted. 

1 minute ago, crazycatlady58 said:

Yes that is true. It irritates me that pe6pick on part of the Bible and focus on that without reading and understanding the meaning behind the verse. God does hate divorce but He does give reasons where divorce is permitted. 

Sorry not sure what happened. 

[Aunt Catfish]

12 hours ago, Portia said:

This is so bonkers, I don't even know how to respond to it. So I'll pick out the one thing I can manage to articulate: Lauren doesn't know the difference between who's and whose.

So I take it that correcting English errors is your favorite "pass time"???

[Vivigirl10]

Those types of social media posts like Lauren did:  "you are a warrier, you are not alone....blah, blah, blah", just infuriate me.  It holds the poster at a higher regard than the sufferer and able to dole out such superior and all knowing advice.  Lauren knows you'll be o.k. and you're not alone?  No she doesn't.  And she has no right to tell that to anyone.  Shut up and sit down.  I have a number of Facebook acquaintances who do this same thing.  Like they fancy themselves some sort of self-help gurus to the masses when in reality, their own lives are nothing to be desired. I'm always so relieved when they post some stock quote about how they know everyone is going through a dark and trying time, but you'll get through it, they know it!

I also am quite confident that Lauren thinks she has married Prince Charming and that she will always be amazingly happy.  She's been brainwashed since birth.  He could be socking her in the face but she's been sold that marriage is happy so....she's happy!  This is happiness!  There will be no realization here.  These women are the absolute queens of denial.  It would never cross this girl's mind that she's married to a gay man.  Never, ever, ever.  

[galaxychaser]

Lauren is an attention whore. Her kid will be a perfect prop. 
 

Yes she will name her kids ABC theme. I totally agree every person she meets will be told. This is Bella, Connor and Damian. And I had an Asa too he is in heaven floating inside a white balloon.

[Broken Ox]

1 hour ago, Kiki620 said:

Those types of social media posts like Lauren did:  "you are a warrier, you are not alone....blah, blah, blah", just infuriate me.  It holds the poster at a higher regard than the sufferer and able to dole out such superior and all knowing advice.  Lauren knows you'll be o.k. and you're not alone?  No she doesn't.  And she has no right to tell that to anyone.  Shut up and sit down. 

Apparently if you're a dad - yes, even those dads whose arms never had a chance to hold their wives' heavy periods babies - you are forgotten,.

Edited October 11, 2019 by Broken Ox

[Ohiopirate02]

The only silver-lining I can see with Lauren's latest post, the whole month of October is Baby Loss Awareness Month.  Lauren waited until the 10th to post something.  She could have been posting something daily since the 1st like some other people who show up on my social media feeds.  

[Madtown]

3 hours ago, Kiki620 said:

Those types of social media posts like Lauren did:  "you are a warrier, you are not alone....blah, blah, blah", just infuriate me.  It holds the poster at a higher regard than the sufferer and able to dole out such superior and all knowing advice.  Lauren knows you'll be o.k. and you're not alone?  No she doesn't.  And she has no right to tell that to anyone.  Shut up and sit down. 

If only you could send this to her...

3 hours ago, Kiki620 said:

It would never cross this girl's mind that she's married to a gay man.  Never, ever, ever.  

I think that if Lauren wasn't full of fundie Kool-aid and hadn't had her husband picked out for her, she would've never looked twice at Josiah. Then again, if Josiah wasn't born into a this stupid family, he might be with the person he actually would want to be with..

[Tigregirl]

I think Lauren is an immature drama queen and probably not someone I would want to spend much time with, but I really hate calling her miscarriage a heavy period.  At some point she took a pregnancy test, which was positive.  She was obviously excited about it and started looking forward to being a mother, then she had the miscarriage and was devastated.  Yes, it was very early in the pregnancy and other people in that place may not have even known they were pregnant yet, but it was a loss of something she was excited about and that really hurt her.  I do think she perhaps needs some help to move forward, especially with a baby coming but I had 2 early miscarriages and if I heard somebody calling it a heavy period, I would have been crushed.  She was pregnant, it was something she very much wanted, and the pregnancy was all too brief.  When your whole purpose in life is making babies, losing that first one, for such a young girl, must have been very difficult.  

But I REALLY wish these young girls could go to college, or travel or work, or do whatever before they got married and started having babies.  They’re barely even legal adults themselves.

Edited October 12, 2019 by Tigregirl
Typo

[Pusha G]

Very nice words Tigregirl.

[Tigregirl]

3 hours ago, Pusha G said:

Very nice words Tigregirl.

Thank you.

[doodlebug]

On 10/11/2019 at 9:01 AM, Ohiopirate02 said:

I am not 100% certain about why Gothard is against divorce, but I imagine that it falls along the lines of other Christian faiths.  Heathen Catholics can separate and divorce but if they want to remarry and stay in the Church's good graces they have to get an annulment.  Those annulments have various steps and costs depending on the type of marriage that is being dissolved from just a civil ceremony up to a church sanctioned marriage.  The Church of England did not allow their faithful to remarry after divorce.  That is why Edward VIII abdicated for his brother when he wanted to marry Wallis Simpson.  Also why Princess Margaret's marriage to Peter Townsend never happened.  This was eventually changed allowing Charles and Camilla to marry and Charles can keep his place in the succession.  

I would assume the Duggars would be against any divorce of the marriages that JB has arranged.  I could see him allowing Jana to marry a divorced man if his previous marriage was a civil ceremony or in a different church.  He would not care as long as the man was now the "right" type of Christian.  Especially if the ex-wife in that situation was a godless hussy who works fulltime, drinks alcohol, wears revealing clothing, etc.  They don't expect their men to be virgins just look at who Tabitha Paine married.

Replying in Old Time Religion.

[ehall1052]

There was an interesting article in our paper today written by a 25 year old wife who recently miscarried a baby at 13 weeks. I know Lauren was not that far along, but I see many similarities between this lady’s thoughts and how Lauren is acting.  Here’s a quote from her rather lengthy article: “I’m a freelance social media manager and also have a blog with a decent-sized following, so social media plays an important role in my life. I share all aspects of my life online—it’s not for everyone, but I enjoy being authentic with the people who follow me. And at this time, I needed everyone to understand the gravity of my loss. I first shared news of my miscarriage on Facebook and Instagram out of necessity—I needed an efficient way to let thousands of people know I wasn’t pregnant anymore—but I continued posting regular updates about grief because it was cathartic.  There are downsides to sharing, of course. I received insensitive comments from well-meaning people who told me my miscarriage was part of God’s plan. I’ve gone to therapy and talked to a psychiatrist about how I feel. Sharing my miscarriage with the world is a choice I don’t regret. After all,there’s nothing to be ashamed of.”

Sorry for the length, but what I took away from this article is that everyone grieves differently. I personally wouldn’t have chosen social media. But we have to respect each individual’s way of grieving.

[GeeGolly]

Apparently Lauren answered a poster's response. Something to the effect of not being sad about the miscarriage and looking forward to the birth of their daughter.

[allonsyalice]

Yeah, 

(From Reddit)