Darcey & Jesse: Cougar Town

[Horrified]

From TLC's twitter account:

During the ride to JFK, Darcey had to slam the brakes. Jesse hit his face against the sun visor because he was checking himself out in the mirror. #90DayFiance

[PityFree]

1 hour ago, Horrified said:

From TLC's twitter account:

During the ride to JFK, Darcey had to slam the brakes. Jesse hit his face against the sun visor because he was checking himself out in the mirror. #90DayFiance

Dying!!!! ROFL!!  Now why didn’t that footage make the show???

[goofygirl]

For the love of God, PULEEZ break the hell up already!! Give those girls a break!

[SnarkEnthusiast]

On 9/19/2018 at 9:32 PM, PityFree said:

Dying!!!! ROFL!!  Now why didn’t that footage make the show???

You know Drama Queen Jesse would quit the show immediately if the editors left in footage for the sole purpose of mocking his vanity.

[guilfoyleatpp]

On 9/13/2018 at 10:36 AM, AZChristian said:

Knowing how these American participants jump from reality show to reality show, I'm wondering if Darcey will show up on MasterChef (with a crate of Rice-A-Roni and many pairs of Louboutins).  We all know she at least knows how to cut the meat!!!!

And - honestly - wouldn't it be awesome to see Gordon Ramsey have to deal with her?

BUT SHE WORKED IN RESTAURANT!!!! 

I would also love a Gordon Ramsey takedown of Darcy. Yes. She would cry and fake eyelashes would fall into food. 

 

On 9/15/2018 at 4:33 PM, magemaud said:

Did we see the girls in person last year or just on Skype or photos (which could have been taken at any time.) The THs could have been filmed anywhere, even in Amsterdam, but since he wore the same clothes, I think they were filmed here around the same time as the Tell All, and before he went back. 

BTW, I had to laugh at this IG photo shoot where he's pretending to be some kind of mechanic? The adoring comments are gag-worthy

Confession: I only read the hashtags. What in the actual fuck is this guy doing wearing suspenders with a shirt with epaulettes? They don't go together. And if you're trying to look "#vintage" maybe you could put the suspenders through the epaulettes? 

[magemaud]

and buckle both ends of the suspenders! He looks like he's just coming out of an outhouse. What the heck does he have in his mouth? And what's with the "derp" expression?  

[gingerella]

1 hour ago, magemaud said:

and buckle both ends of the suspenders! He looks like he's just coming out of an outhouse. What the heck does he have in his mouth? And what's with the "derp" expression?  

Given that I highly doubt that uber metrosexual prig Jesse even knows how to change a basic tire, this makes me laugh because I think he’s going for a soft core thing, which, like the tire changing, is a joke. 

[Gobi]

12 hours ago, guilfoyleatpp said:

BUT SHE WORKED IN RESTAURANT!!!! 

I would also love a Gordon Ramsey takedown of Darcy. Yes. She would cry and fake eyelashes would fall into food. 

 

Confession: I only read the hashtags. What in the actual fuck is this guy doing wearing suspenders with a shirt with epaulettes? They don't go together. And if you're trying to look "#vintage" maybe you could put the suspenders through the epaulettes? 

Don't forget the dog tags.

[Kareem]

It gets worse.  

 

[Floatingbison]

Whenever Mrs. Floatingbison cooks steaks we pay homage to Darcy and Jesse...., I scream "Cut it on the bias! Cut it on the bias" and she throws her shoes at me

Edited September 23, 2018 by Floatingbison

[gingerella]

That last IG post above prompted me to look at this douchebag’s IG account. Man, the ladies really give him a tongue bath over there. Based on the posts to the drivel he posts there, it seems like the majority of his followers are a lot of desperate women who think if they post just the right amount of subservient ego bathing, then Jesse just might DM them to meet Amsterdam to kindle their twin flame love. Just, blech.

[Meowwww]

1 hour ago, Kareem said:

It gets worse.  

 

Whose, not who’s, Jesse.  

[AZChristian]

If I didn't know how ugly he is on the inside, I'd think his outside was really nice, at least based on this picture.

Edited September 23, 2018 by AZChristian

[Floatingbison]

For about a week, my response to every mundane occurrence with Mrs. Floatingbison was "This is just madness!"

[Cherrio]

I know everyone has different taste in who they are attracted to, but inside, outside, and cut on the bias Jesse screams DOUCHEBAG CREEP

[booboopbedoo]

[magemaud]

#Meesticism? What the hell is THAT?

And is he checking himself out? 

Do you think you can get a degree in Meesticism at Princeton? 

Edited September 23, 2018 by magemaud

[AZChristian]

Well, if he is checking himself out, he looks really sad.

[magemaud]

I like the quote "Step into my eyes, I dare you." Maybe he said this to Darcey and she thought he meant with her Louboutins

[Cherrio]

10 minutes ago, magemaud said:

And is he checking himself out? 

I think he is singing the song "I Who Have Nothing.......

[Cherrio]

18 minutes ago, magemaud said:

Meesticism? What the hell is THAT?

It is a toxic mold that "roooo-ins everything" it comes in contact with.

[iwasish]

3 hours ago, Floatingbison said:

Whenever Mrs. Floatingbison cooks steaks we pay homage to Darcy and Jesse...., I scream "Cut it on the bias! Cut it on the bias" and she throws her shoes at me

Are they Loubitans? Doesn’t count unless they are!!

1 hour ago, magemaud said:

#Meesticism? What the hell is THAT?

And is he checking himself out? 

Do you think you can get a degree in Meesticism at Princeton? 

Oh god, CT was bad enough, now he’s hit my home state ?  

[magemaud]

1 minute ago, iwasish said:

Oh god, CT was bad enough, now he’s hit my home state ?  

Mine, too! Exit 98! I wonder when he was on campus at Princeton and obviously went souvenir shopping at the bookstore. 

[iwasish]

1 minute ago, magemaud said:

Mine, too! Exit 98! I wonder when he was on campus at Princeton and obviously went souvenir shopping at the bookstore. 

How many T-shirt’s did he try on to get the perfect fit.. 

Was this the trip when he dumped Darcy for good? Or at least for the night. 

[magemaud]

Actually, I don't see that particular shirt design on their website, so it might be a custom fit one-of-a-kind shirt just for the photo shoot. 

[Floatingbison]

I'm not used to seeing Jesse wearing clothes without strategic rips and tears in them.

[guilfoyleatpp]

That pic where he’s looking down doesn’t look too bad until you get to the pegged jeans. 

It reminds me of my 80s childhood. And Jesse’s look doesn’t go with the pegged jeans thing. 

[Floatingbison]

Jesse should know that in the US, showing one's underwear went out of style around  2004.

[Kareem]

4 hours ago, magemaud said:

...

Do you think you can get a degree in Meesticism at Princeton? 

Maybe he's going to be a weatherman.   Meteorologist Meester.  

 He looks like Baretta's bird in that picture.  

Jersey girl here, too.  On at 127, off at 98.   Or Loveladies, depending on the mood.  

[Mahamid Frauded Me]

3 hours ago, magemaud said:

Actually, I don't see that particular shirt design on their website, so it might be a custom fit one-of-a-kind shirt just for the photo shoot. 

I live in a college town, so I always buy Mr Frauded the 3 for 10.00 Tshirts of the University at Walgreens, because you know I always cut my steak on the bias so it stays juicy & then Mr Frauded always dribbles some A1 down the front of one, then I get mad and tell him to work on himself otherwise I am gonna file for a nullment.

[Brooklynista]

6 hours ago, magemaud said:

Actually, I don't see that particular shirt design on their website, so it might be a custom fit one-of-a-kind shirt just for the photo shoot. 

Did you look in the children's section?

[RedBagWithMakeup]

I just have to laugh when I see Jesse trying to be introspective  Zen master in his IG posts, while every Sunday night I watch him rip Darcey a new one.

He yammers on about love on instagram, while his temper goes from 0 to 100 every 2 minutes with Darcey.

[DNR]

Geez he’s got a long neck ! 

His IG posts definitely DO NOT match “the madness” we see every Sunday nite.  MrMeester is just a big ol’ keyboard warrior.

[usernameG]

On 9/23/2018 at 11:29 AM, magemaud said:

 

I feel like this post is more in line the smug asshole we see on TV. He chin the air just wants me to punch him in the face.

[seacliffsal]

I just don't understand how anyone at his age thinks to themselves that they have all the answers and therefore have to inform others how to live their lives.  Do they just wake up one morning and go "eureka, now I get it!" and then proceed to point out weaknesses and areas in need of improvement to others so that they, too, may be enlightened?  

[Rabbittron]

On 9/23/2018 at 4:38 PM, Kareem said:

Maybe he's going to be a weatherman.   Meteorologist Meester.  

 He looks like Baretta's bird in that picture.  

Jersey girl here, too.  On at 127, off at 98.   Or Loveladies, depending on the mood.  

Thanks for making me miss Joisey.

[LGGirl]

1 hour ago, seacliffsal said:

I just don't understand how anyone at his age thinks to themselves that they have all the answers and therefore have to inform others how to live their lives.  Do they just wake up one morning and go "eureka, now I get it!" and then proceed to point out weaknesses and areas in need of improvement to others so that they, too, may be enlightened?  

That’s why he is so special.   AKA narcissistic.  He’s probably been this way for most of his life.  

[athousandclowns]

On September 23, 2018 at 11:34 AM, AZChristian said:

Well, if he is checking himself out, he looks really sad.

That picture should be titled " Contemplating My Navel" 

[ALittleShelfish]

4 hours ago, seacliffsal said:

I just don't understand how anyone at his age thinks to themselves that they have all the answers and therefore have to inform others how to live their lives.  Do they just wake up one morning and go "eureka, now I get it!" and then proceed to point out weaknesses and areas in need of improvement to others so that they, too, may be enlightened?  

I have coworkers like this, I had an intern JUST like this.  I always end up having the talk with them that "Ya know, everyone gets to that stage in their early/mid 20s where they're super convinced they know everything there is to know about anything and then one day... you wake up and realize you don't know shit.  You'll get there one day."  Every one of them has always said to in reply:  "Yeah I already had that moment... it was a struggle, but I got thru it!"  

Narrator:  "They in fact did NOT get thru it..." 

But PLEASE let TLC be there filming the day Jesse has that realization.... please please please, All Higher Beings available.... please make that happen...

[OldButHappy]

[HappyDancex2]

It hilarious that Jesse thinks that picture is so contemplative with his diesel underwear and jeans and all I see is horrible posture with cellphone neck.

[Kickboxer]

On 9/23/2018 at 12:17 PM, Kareem said:

It gets worse.  

 

I love you. I had to read this out loud for the full effect!

[Azanscrazyhair]

6 minutes ago, Kickboxer said:

I love you. I had to read this out loud for the full effect!

Did he just drop out of Right Said Fred video?

[Horrified]

"look into my eyes and you will know, just how deep I can be and just how far I will go" whispered Jesse to the woman he has chained up in his basement, moments before he slits her throat.

[magemaud]

For some reason I can't copy OldButHappy's fabulous Princeton photo thought bubble above but I'd like to add:

"while extending my swan-like neck and flexing my massive biceps..." 

Edited September 26, 2018 by magemaud

[gingerella]

1 hour ago, Horrified said:

"look into my eyes and you will know, just how deep I can be and just how far I will go" whispered Jesse to the woman he has chained up in his basement, moments before he slits her throat.

Deep Thoughts...by Jack Handy...

[RedBagWithMakeup]

11 hours ago, gingerella said:

Deep Thoughts...by Jack Handy...

Omg, SNL needs to do 90DF parodies.

[AZChristian]

8 hours ago, RedBagWithMakeup said:

Omg, SNL needs to do 90DF parodies.

Whenever I'm watching Jesse and Darcey, I feel like I AM watching an SNL parody skit.  The only thing that would be better would be Carol Burnett in 2-foot-high stilettos trying to drag a steamer trunk and 30 "designer" tote bags through the New York subway system wearing waist-length extensions, ripped jeans, three layers of fake eyelashes and big puffy lips.

[RedBagWithMakeup]

3 hours ago, AZChristian said:

Whenever I'm watching Jesse and Darcey, I feel like I AM watching an SNL parody skit.  The only thing that would be better would be Carol Burnett in 2-foot-high stilettos trying to drag a steamer trunk and 30 "designer" tote bags through the New York subway system wearing waist-length extensions, ripped jeans, three layers of fake eyelashes and big puffy lips.

Haha yes. Darcey really is a caricature.

[LGGirl]

5 hours ago, AZChristian said:

Whenever I'm watching Jesse and Darcey, I feel like I AM watching an SNL parody skit.  The only thing that would be better would be Carol Burnett in 2-foot-high stilettos trying to drag a steamer trunk and 30 "designer" tote bags through the New York subway system wearing waist-length extensions, ripped jeans, three layers of fake eyelashes and big puffy lips.

And Harvey Korman (RIP) as Jessie, Vickie as Darcey’s sister. That would be hilarious.