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PRIMETIMER

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  1. I did NOT need that shot of Fernanda's vibrator ready to go in the shower. What if her roommate picked it up thinking it was a bar of soap?! Foul. And what a weird crossover seeing her thirst over Clay from BiP. Is there some kind of Z-list reality star dating app? Lucy was the most adorable baby, so it's annoying to see Rachel has already made her spoiled and bratty by age 2. She seems to fling herself into a hissy fit over every tiny thing. But at least Rachel realizes it wouldn't be smart to have a baby with Tom when they can't live in the same country due to his criminal past TIFFANY.
  2. The screen that revealed only 5 minutes had elapsed between Beth/Jaime making up and restarting their preteen argument made me laugh. He really picked a fight over her "ignoring" him during cuddling? They're both such insecure drama queens!
  3. This was pretty meh plot-wise, which is disappointing because I was super excited to see Kumail and Issa as a couple. I felt like there was a distinct lack of romance for a (sort of) romcom - I live vicariously through tension and sap - so two brief kiss scenes were very underwhelming given they were bickering the rest of the film. I also feel like they suffered from basically being the only protagonists (weird that all of their friends were basically glorified extras with two scenes) because they didn't have anyone else to play off of and basically every scene of dialogue was [argue] [throwaway line that shows the other person they care] [lingering feelings] [look away]. The last half hour really dragged too. Some funny lines ("I think you've killed the perfect number of people") but overall felt like the studio was coasting on Kumail/Issa's star power and also that the actors themselves were phoning it in. Game Night is a much better, funnier spin on couples accidentally getting involved in crimes. The funniest moment was them accidentally giving their names to the hipsters reporting them to the police.
  4. They've been telegraphing the attraction between Mateo/Vanessa since at least ep 4 when he was trying to talk her down by listing all her good qualities - about halfway through the list he realized that he was into her, haha. I think Mateo always thought Vanessa was high maintenance or stuck up, but started to see her differently when she was the only one who genuinely encouraged his dreams. I get the sense Mateo is very much a forgotten middle child - we hear over and over again that he's an immature, middling fuck up, but he's expected to carry the family business while Natalie and especially Daniel gallivant around doing fuck all. And he still supports them! For Vanessa to see and appreciate him for who he is without wanting something from him has to feel good. He's presumably been single and overworked for months if not longer. It's inevitable he'd be attracted to someone who actually validates him. I'm just glad the Daniel/Vanessa subplot was about closure and not reigniting anything - there were moments where it felt like it could've gone either way. The brother factor is cringe, but Mateo is so damn endearing that I'm rooting for him. Plus, Vanessa has been talking all season about how the Garcias are like family, so...guess that's one way to stay in the family, lol. I have a little crush on Mateo. Daniel can be pouty and self-victimizing. Agree with commentary on past episodes that the parents seem weirdly controlling of their adult sons and gaslight them whenever they have any interests or spend any time outside the business. Natalie and Amy are the blandest "rebellious teens" I've ever seen. Then again, I can appreciate an age appropriate portrayal of 15/16-year-olds - unlike Euphoria. I'm guessing the schedule was abbreviated due to COVID - Superstore had to end in the middle of their two-part America Ferrera send off, and poor Schooled had to skip the episode breaking up their main couple (revealed in a slapped-together "previously on" montage even though we never saw it) to let the main character finally make a move on her love interest, only to be cancelled. At least this show has all its plots mostly wrapped up. I really hope this gets renewed!!! After losing both Single Parents and Schooled, my heart can't take anymore. ABC has been ruthless this season and I don't understand why.
  5. Kind of strange that Natalia would invite the girl that she desperately wants to hide the fact that she has a crush on to family dinner and then hold her hand while lovingly staring into her eyes. That seemed like more of a finale scene than a "I'm closeted to my family" scene. Mateo's actor plays him as a softie and I'm loving it. I thought he was going to kiss Vanessa when he was trying to stop her from blabbing to the paparazzi and telling her she deserved someone better - that was the first little spark between them and both actors played that subconscious realization really well. Daniel's treatment of Vanessa is...not great and the only unsympathetic aspect of his character. "Having a hot celebrity flirt with me in the bathroom made me realize I wasn't into you anymore and you're going to have to just deal with losing four years and a proposal rejection because I'm now sleeping with said hot celebrity" radiates shallow narcissism.
  6. For being the central romance, Maria and the world's blandest Manic Pixie Dream Guy Charles got a pretty underwhelming, uninspired wrap up. That post-wedding kiss was the first time they'd kissed, no? Although I did miss a few episodes. Talk about zero chemistry. I've seen more passionate kissing in Disney movies. It was very awkward in the flow of that dialogue and almost felt improvised by Ella Purnell. Oliver had a great redemption arc and his actor gave the strongest performance this episode, especially confessing to Susan after the attempted murder. Susan has a lot of nerve to claim her infidelity was supposedly her trying to get pregnant. "Darling, I cheated on you for YOU! To do you a favor!" lol. He's a more sympathetic, ambiguous semi-villain than say, Thomas, who coasted on the Tortured Gay thing but was still always an unrepentant asshole. Overall, this whole thing just feels like JF trying to milk more money out of Downton Abbey by setting essentially the same storylines in the previous era. And I'm sorry but Charles is certainly no Tom.
  7. nope, it linked to her actual Instagram!
  8. I saw the bleach blonde lesbian on Tinder recently, which was weird, lol.
  9. The three best catches on this show are Bobby, Greg, and Austin, in that order. Nice to see Deonna has warmed up to Greg so much since filming! Surprised Greg is (playfully) dragging his feet on the baby front. As much as I surprisingly like Jaime and Beth, I have my doubts as to whether their marriage can survive quarantine, especially since she already left SF once and moved all the way back to NC for "space." I am with Bobby on the second baby issue. Given what Danielle went through the last time, it seems like a no brainer that she wouldn’t have any more kids. She came very close to death and there’s no guarantee that it won’t happen again, especially because it happened during her first pregnancy which is usually thought of as the most problem free, although not always. It will only get riskier the older she gets as well, which I guess is why she’s pushing for another baby so soon. Situations like these make me really wish that people weren’t so emotionally invested in the idea of biological children and would stop perceiving adoption as an inferior, last resort alternative to bio kids. In their case, pregnancy such a massive risk and adoption would be giving a child that’s already here a much needed home. I don’t envy lady Jamie or anyone else who has to give birth during this time.
  10. I owe Rudi an apology, I really do. All season long I’ve been cracking on her for being emotionally unstable, but it turns out that was mostly just editing. Actually, she turned out to be ironically one of the most mature contestants. I think even she was surprised at how calmly she handled Matt’s lukewarm, wishy washy dumping. I think she let them off way too easy with his rambling, trite bullshit about caring about her as a person - I would’ve said, “Oh so you’re waiting till the day before the finale to tell me you’re not only not in love with me, but fucking over my career for what? Because you don’t want to marry me after three weeks?“ He was right to feel like shit about backing out of their performance. His non-committal pity party cost Rudi what will probably have been the biggest professional opportunity she will ever have in her life. Fuck Matt. I owe Rudi big time. I’m not even sure why the fantasy suite opportunity was such a catalyst for his crisis to the point where he would shoot himself in the foot, especially since it was heavily implied that they had sex when they played hooky from the rest of the group at the motel. I think he realized that they had a strong potential of winning together and he didn’t want to get stuck touring around for months with someone he saw as a fling. Even though I don’t think she deserved to win, I’m really proud of all of Jaime‘s personal growth. She really seemed to emerge with a stronger sense of self. I’m happy for her and Trevor and I never could’ve imagined they would emerge as a strong couple with long-term potential. The musical performances sucked in a big way. Some finale. Rudi would’ve brought the house down or at least been entertaining.
  11. He was incredible in his portrayal of all the abuse Craig went through and his devotion to his sister. He was my first celebrity crush, lol. It's funny that they gave him such heavy stuff at 14/15 and then morphed him into a generic fuckboy. But man, being Manny's age, I FELT her thirst for him when he was introduced. He was beautiful. I'm surprised he didn't become analogous to millennial Finn Wolfhard, but then again maybe that's a reflection of rising to fame in the social media age. The Ashley/Craig/Manny triangle was legendary, and he was adorable with Ellie in S5, but the writers lost me with the rock star/cocaine nonsense in S6. I still laugh my ass off that Wheelchair Jimmy is the huge breakout star from this franchise - and he was so mortified that he refused to talk about Degrassi for years.
  12. Well, that was equal parts infuriating and shattering. This episode reminded me that through another lens, if you hand wave the whole idea of accessory to murder, HTGAWM is the story of a woman with the most unfortunate friend group in history. Everyone in her circle kills someone and then she gets accused of it. Fuck this show for giving Gabe and Nate of all people the only satisfying conclusions. Not only were they so irrelevant as to barely warrant any conclusion whatsoever, but adding insult to injury, they got vaguely “happy” endings too. THANK YOU! My thoughts exactly! They just needed Frank to go out in a blaze of glory, but even for a tortured guy, it totally came out of nowhere. And the decision to turn Bonnie/Frank into a Romeo and Juliet tragedy was again, very unearned and imo a total slap in the face to Bonnie’s suffering and character arc. But man, they sold the hell out of that goodbye kiss before the shark jumping nonsense. The agonized way he cradled her face brought tears to my eyes. Charlie Weber acted his ass off this episode - during that scene and especially during his “I just wanted you to love me“ scene with Viola, which I felt was his strongest and most memorable performance the entire series. The only true WTF moment of the episode for me was Connor/Oliver getting divorced out of absolutely nowhere with 20 minutes left, but Ollie’s such a sniveling, slimy weasel it was hard to feel sympathetic. Even if they reconciled in the flash forward – which I didn’t watch because I was too traumatized by the realization that they were killing off Bonnie - it came totally out of left field and felt like they were trying to torpedo the one couple that the writers were obsessed with keeping together because of the fandom. Laurel is also insufferable and added nothing to the show’s universe anymore. Another case of the writers shoehorning a character back in because they like the actress. The show would have you believe that her only purpose was to birth Christopher (arguably the show’s biggest plot device), which is kind of an insult to how complex and clever her character was pre-pregnancy/Wes boning. I refuse to even acknowledge the sheer buffoonery of the flash forward, laughably bad old age make up, and the absurd laziness of casting Alfie to play his own son just to bring him back for the finale (I wanted Actual Wes in hiding, not some cheap ass Wes Reloaded bullshit. This isn't Orphan Black). That hit LOST levels of unrepentant, nonsensical finale fuckery. For me, the show ended with the Bonnie/Frank kiss.
  13. Erica SUCKED this episode and I don't buy that her callousness was a result of feeling awkward about caring for Geoff. She just didn't feel like putting time into something that revolved around someone who wasn't her. It's not that she "sucks at caring" - she just doesn't care. And then she does the absolute bare minimum and he fawns all over her. This episode really highlighted that the show's decision to make Geoff Erica's glorified butler just underscores what a jackass she is when he needs literally anything and she just stands there like a deer in headlights. It's a family medical emergency and they've been dating for years. Hold his hand in the hospital. It's not that hard. This isn't a Big Sick situation. Coincidentally, this was the first time I've liked Barry in many, many episodes. Sean Giambrone had his quarantine hair going in that intro!
  14. Always appreciate non-straight Miggy references! "Your thing has hunks?" Will & Angie are still pretty cringe as a romantic prospect, but Tarran Killam really won me over with the sincerity of his pining this week. I wasn't expecting the scene with Derek, which just made me feel bad for Derek in that he knows he'll probably lose her and his son if Will lets any feelings slip. He's a great guy, unlike most douchey rival love interests, so it's hard to root for Will to break them up. At least they skipped the bitter crying and hating each other phase with Douglas/Poppy, but it's odd to see them nostalgically reference their relationship that ended last week. They were talking like they dated in high school.
  15. Jaime is forever 16, but it was nice to see her confident before a performance instead of verging on tears/vomiting. Trevor looks old as fuck paired with her. But hey, who would've thought they'd be a genuine pairing? Surprised Rudi kept it together and prioritized the performance but even more surprised that she was level-headed about Matt awkwardly side-stepping her love declaration, which in Bachelor Nation seems to mandate immediate self-destruction. She cried about it, but then decided it was okay for him to want time, which is...normal and mature!! Felt bad for Natacsha and thought it was weird that she let Ryan's whim to do an obviously cheesy, meandering arrangement both dictate their song and ultimately torpedo her. She really must like him to indulge him taking such a pointless risk. I hope they stayed together - it's gotta be awful worrying your partner will dump you for failing Z-List American Idol. Bre and Chris are sweet but bland.
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