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SnarkEnthusiast

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  1. As much as mushy gushy "look how in love we are" couples annoy me (Lizzie, enough with the endless couch nuzzling! People are talking to you - he's not going off to war!), I am eternally impressed by Seb's kindness and the fact that he was gracious enough to step out of that bubble for a second to voice encouragement for the rest of the cast as individuals rather than just gloating about their relationship and rubbing their success in everyone's faces. You know the outcome of your show is bad when part of the only remaining couple cries out of guilt that he's still happy. lol. What a sweet man. Not sure why they bothered dragging the early couples back for the second day if they weren't going to bother talking to them. Also not sure why we wasted interviews on re-litigating the Haley/David toothbrush incident or another self-empowerment tongue bath for Connie or Aleks/Ivan fakery when we never even found out what happened with Kacey/Drew. Poor Amanda was crying the whole time, it looks like the disappointment of the experience is still having a very negative impact on her. Johnny cheering for "mum and dad" during Steve/Mishel's wedding tape was cute and the only time I've liked him in months. Michael/Kacey hooking up and moving in together after filming is hilarious to me because of how obviously threatened Stacey was by her. Not surprised it sounds like he fucked things up with her too and went back to sleeping around. He'll never give up partying. I appreciated that Michael finally called out the obvious, uncomfortable flirting between Michelle Collins (after show host) and Johnny. And she was drooling all over Seb this segment too! Michelle babe, stop trying to make this about you. She needs to stop hitting on dudes she's meant to be interviewing. I was surprised to hear them talk about PR events and getting recognized and even stalkers because I don't think of MAFS US folks as "reality stars" beyond grabbing maybe 50-100k Instagram followers and getting recycled into spinoffs if they make it. Is this a Love Island situation where the show is huge in Australia or something?
  2. Pepper talking to Karen gave me Katie/Mama Katie flashbacks. "I know you make everything about yourself, but I'm begging you not to fuck this up because you need to know this is as good as it's ever going to get for you."
  3. The bolded especially! I'm beyond tired of everyone's bizarre, adolescent obsession with "taking down Michael and Stacey" or "exposing their lies." Everyone knows they're fake, gossipy, smug blowhards - and? You just roll your eyes and move on. Haley and Natasha care far more about Stacey and Michael's image than they do. You can't "expose" people who embrace being terrible. Haley and especially Natasha's little morality/personality campaigns against them landed like a wet fart in the wind and were frankly embarrassing. They just want attention from the group so they're designating themselves leader of an imaginary moral crusade no one asked for. "Stacey and Michael are fake liars who aren't taking their pretend marriage seriously!!!" No shit!! I thought Natasha was full of horseshit, especially with her jab that Stacey "wanted to know what it was like when I said my man only lasted 20 seconds." Uhh, if I remember correctly, that joke was what drove him away. So, Natasha can be upset that Mikey fucked Stacey because that's not him being a "supportive friend" (wtf does that even mean?) but she's allowed to indefinitely mock his sexual performance? These people have interesting definitions of friendship. "We're such great friends! As you know, that means I can ignore you and dictate every aspect of your behavior while also making you feel ashamed for craving the tiniest shred of human contact." Trash. Haley and Natasha threw Mikey under the bus for their own agenda. For all the talk of Stacey being on a high horse, how many times have we been subjected to Haley's obnoxious, self-righteous monologues? So Seb/Lizzie is the only happy couple left standing out of 12? Yikes.
  4. That's pretty much just fandom culture. That's not even the half of it. People were using apps to see what Justine/Caleb's kids would look like and saying they'd take off work to crash their wedding. Bizarre, invasive shit lol. I think people are just bored/unhappy with their lives and so get invested in living vicariously in someone else's joy. Plus, Justine was a fan favorite from the start and (as she herself acknowledged after the show) became a symbol of first the rejection that many dark-skinned Black women face and then ultimately of healthy Black love. Many Black women see themselves in her.
  5. Yay, Justine and Caleb!!!! They were the nicest castmates who deserved it the most. Johnny saying "keep it" was his strategy for the whole show. I'm convinced Moira/Calvin actually got 2nd place. but the producers put Cely/Johnny up there to keep their narrative going/make social media sweat lol. Carrington looked bewildered to be there from start to finish. His deadpan "I think I know" when Arielle told them to go wait for the result was unintentionally funny. Hey, it's a free (rental) suit, booze, and food, so I don't know why he looked so uncomfortable. Probably because the finale is set up like an engagement ceremony and basically forced him to (very poorly, halfheartedly) lead Laurel on even more. Remember when I thought he'd get booted the first week? I severely underestimated how much women under 25 see a total lack of charisma and interest as a challenge. At least Johnny has lines and a smile - Carrington just stares blankly into space. It's like trying to date/mother a 16-year-old. I have to hand it to him, the man came horny (no pun intended) and still left as a proud, unapologetic fuckboy. Notice how his speech and even their montage package focused on her looks because he still knows nothing about her. Laurel is nice and I feel bad that Carrington will crush her within a week when he inevitably ghosts her, but he's all but spelled out he doesn't want to date on the outside at every opportunity, so that's on her. That continuously struck me as odd too, but I think it's a Southern-style pet name. Calvin also strikes me as someone who embraces Dad humor and dorkiness (see: his speech), so that nickname tracks. He at least is way more into her now than when he first came in. I don't think he would've been making out with her all the time if he felt nothing. Then again, I also think he's just a nice guy who was willing to play that role with anyone, so time will tell. I think both he and Moira are enamored with the idea of being wanted and playing house, regardless of who it's with. I noticed Calvin also has the habit of smiling into his kisses with Moira/anyone, which makes him look super into it. That vague line about "chasing moments" was probably alluding to the fact that they'll definitely fuck before they leave and are open to staying friends with benefits until they each find someone local. That outdoor shower scene was hot...call me, Calvin. I'll sorely miss the narrator's snark and all of yours, too! Please migrate over to the Bachelorette forum (premiering Oct. 13th) so we can keep this party going. I love y'all!
  6. I'm not ashamed to admit the shot of Calvin biting Moira's ear lives in my mind rent-free (mostly because it made me horny for Calvin). That grin before he tugged on her earlobe... Exactly this! Even though they both fall into the vapid hot person stereotype (but who on this show doesn't), Calvin puts a lot of effort into making Moira feel special, which is especially impressive for someone who initially was clearly not that attracted to her and itching to jump ship. She seems much more self-absorbed than him, even if it's not malicious. She's too susceptible to flattery and seems like the type to have a rotating flavor of the month because of her non-existent attention span. She's about as likely to give long distance a shot as Carrington. I think she'll get immediately distracted by dudes in her DMs.
  7. I take back all the shit I said about Calvin. He's damn charming. Even if I feel like him recoupling with Moira was a case of mutual desperation/not wanting to leave the Villa, they have genuine chemistry and I could see them making it on the outside. Johnny is so fucking fake! Carrington showed more passion for that car in 3 hours than he has for Laurel in the entirety of their relationship.
  8. Forgive the thirst, but Calvin biting Moira's ear and then kissing her neck was fucking hot. Can't believe I'm ending the season attracted to BSB, but here we are. It finally hit me that Cely reminds me of Ariana Grande, or vice versa. I was surprised that she was so shitty and disinterested in parenting, given that all she does is mother Johnny. Johnny's insistence that his fake baby be a "ladies' man" was giving me homophobe vibes. Cely, it's not Justine's fault your newly minted bf is self-absorbed and emotionally constipated, so stop deflecting by getting pissy with her. Throwing around "love" and a title will not make your relationship stronger. He apparently dumped his last gf to go on the show, so I doubt he'll stick with Cely outside the Villa. Carrington only got to stay because everyone likes Laurel. I think Jaleb is genuine and obviously winning. I know some of you don't see the chemistry, but at the same time remember that they both seem like grounded, normal people and it has to feel strange talking about someone you've known for a month as your potential spouse and now parent of your future children.
  9. Cely and Johnny wanna be Caleb and Justine SO bad lol. How awkward for Carrington's/Johnny's parents to have to be on a jumbotron and meet your son's booty call of a month who thinks they have a future in spite of his blatant bullshit and you have to be like "Well, our son's just a fuckboy...sorry about that!" ESPECIALLY Carrington's/Laurel's parents because of their daylight shower handjob on day 2 or whatever it was. With Carrington's parents fawning over his striptease, I half expected his mom to call Laurel over to critique her hand technique. I love how Calvin/Moira's (so it's pronounced Maura when even the narrator was saying Moira?? What) was like "well you keep each other company...that's nice."
  10. WHY do you haunt me with this ancient curse??? You guys....quarantine is getting to me. BSB is physically kind of hot. Still has the personality of burnt toast, though. Wtf was Moira's sudden seduction tactic? Kiss down to his nipple with no convo/buildup and then just...roll back over? According to Twitter, Noah was pulled for failing to disclose his gay porn career to producers, but I don't get why that would matter on a show that depends on onscreen softcore porn. Twitter calls Johnny a neckless Shrek every day, so if this girlfriend proposal stunt is a play to sway public opinion, he has no idea of the shitstorm waiting for him online. Jaleb stans will only hate him more for stealing Caleb's thunder by usurping the "making it official" fanfare away from them.
  11. You can disagree or take this with a grain of salt, but Connie's the participant who I think cared the least about the TV aspect. I think she was simultaneously consumed by her desire for a relationship and her anxiety, so she found it comforting and appealing to have others not only hand pick her match, but monitor and guide her for months afterward. She probably saw the process as the handholding she needed. She knew she would be on TV yes, but I never got the sense she was gunning for new Instagram followers or reveling in camera time like Stacey, Kasey, Lizzie, and Michael. And most of the guys were there for sex and attention but I always got the impression Connie, Mishel, and Cathy were the most sincere participants who genuinely wanted actual relationships (and arguably Amanda too, but it took her all of two seconds to spiral).
  12. Wow, I thought Johnny and the after show host’s behavior in the segment discussing his final vows was really disgusting. The host immediately implied that him being “forced” to stay with Connie was akin to a hostage situation. Johnny complained how tired he was of her and how uncomfortable it was to share a bed (which I get). And then he and the host both implied that they’d LOVE to share a bed with each other. What happened to all that bullshit about friendship and how much you cared for her, Johnny? To me, that childish and immature performance on the after show totally undercut what I thought was a surprisingly kind and graceful ending to their final vows. Connie’s vows were amazing, even if the empowerment stuff was a little heavy handed and revisionist history to buoy her ego past months of unrequited attraction. Johnny was wise to smile and nod and actually very gracious in the way that he supported her and encouraged her speech and her growth. But nope, then we backslid into high school shit talking about how “cringe” and unstable and unbearable Connie is. That host was all too happy to enable him. The host allowed her bizarre need for male validation at work and her obvious attraction to Johnny to override professionalism. She couldn’t wait to throw Connie under the bus to kiss Johnny‘s ass. We could all see Connie was desperate and clingy and over emotional, but she still seems like a fundamentally nice person if a little annoying and she gave him months of her time, even if he didn’t want the last month lol. As if we needed proof that all that wind bagging and tap dancing about ultra magical, super special friendship that can conveniently only be forged through a complete lack of romance is total bullshit. Of course I never believed they would actually stay in close contact after the experiment (same for Steve and Mishel), but at a bare minimum you can do them the courtesy of not shit talking them on TV behind their back. Fuck Johnny. Looks like Mishel will be giving Steve an epic “the reason you suck” speech next episode.
  13. For once, I actually feel bad for Connor. Justine was right when she said everything was falling in place for him. Mackenzie was finally gone and I was naïve enough to think he was developing an actual relationship with Moira specifically because they weren’t forcing it and trying to fall in love in three days. Given that she was crying two days ago about not having anyone there for her, I thought she would appreciate this, but no, she continues to fawn over the latest dude to inexplicably express interest in her with the most half assed of compliments like “you seem cool.” And now of course she’s questioning everything. I’m getting very tired of Moira. Thrilled that Cely has options outside of Johnny. Not thrilled that Benny seems like if Johnny were somehow more of a fuckboy. I can’t wait for Johnny to get called out. At this point, it’s not like Cely can win the money anyway, so at this point I just want her to have the chance to get someone who actually cares about her. Johnny really thinks Cely's family will welcome him with open arms after watching him suck face with Mercades for days? Caleb roasting Johnny was the highlight of the episode.
  14. While I appreciate everyone's loyalty to Connor, Johnny has some nerve talking about how Mack betrayed Connor after his CA antics. I want Jalen to pursue Kierstan in the most blatant way possible. She deserves it but Mack's meltdown would be epic.
  15. Watching the host flirting with the men on the after show was extremely uncomfortable. Not to mention Johnny reciprocated, which basically confirms everything we already know about where Connie/Johnny end up. At least I feel like I get Connie/Johnny as a conceptual pairing. Johnny presents as a nice, laid-back guy, and the experts probably thought he'd calm Connie's anxiety and patiently bring her out of her shell, but it's clear from her weepy audition she never should've been cast. Both the experts/producers and Connie expected this total stranger to heal her and fix all her emotional problems and relationship insecurities, which was unfair to Johnny even if he turned out to be a bit of a self-centered ass. With that said, Connie trying to frame knowingly serving herself up for increasingly humiliating rejections every week as some sort of loyalty to herself or "the process" is painful. She's desperate to cling to Johnny as long as she can, even though he's given her nothing for weeks. But WHY would they pair Steve, who bragged about being repulsed by a 49-year-old on sight, with a 48-year-old woman? He strikes me as someone who still hits on 25-year-olds, but claims to date mid-30s to seem more acceptable. So he's as much of a horndog as Mishel after all, he just finds women over 40 grotesque. Guaranteed he would've been all over Haley or Poppy - or probably more accurately, Cathy or Connie. Not to be shallow, but he looks rough for 52 and has the personality and temperament of someone in their 70s. Steve has a lot of gall waltzing in there demanding a 35-year-old. Drew seems to have one foot out the door with Kasey, which is surprising because she seems totally smitten with him. I've warmed to her in recent episodes. Throwing away his stuff wasn't cool at all, but he seems to still be fixated on her love of the Instagram lifestyle. At a certain point it's like...dude, she's way out of your league and willing to FLY to you every weekend on her own dime, let her enjoy her LV handbags and shit in a bucket if you need to feel so superior about materialism. It's not like she's salivating over him as another walking credit card like Stacey.
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