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SnarkEnthusiast

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  1. SnarkEnthusiast

    S06.E06: Week 3, Part 2

    Yep, and according to today's news he's already met her family. Bachelor Nation moves fast! Imagine submitting a reality show audition tape and six months later, you're dating a world famous super model. Hot privilege is real! Quite the step up from Hannah B's sloppy thirds.
  2. SnarkEnthusiast

    S09.E11: Secrets of the Past

    Beth wasn't calling the expert a bitch. She tries (and fails) to put on a blaccent while fighting to look tougher. The whole "bitch Izzz knows what Izzz diddd" repetition is just her attempt to sound "ghetto" (i.e. black) because she feels aggressive and defensive. This is the type of behavior you'd expect from 13-year-old suburban white kids, not a 30-year-old woman. That exchange, and then her reverting back into her natural voice to ramble through a sheepish explanation like her mom just caught her swearing, was beyond mortifying. Other thoughts: While no one is on Beth's level, the women have SO many issues this season! Deonna needs intense therapy. With all the build up, I thought it was going to be some big reveal like her ex-boyfriend took her virginity and then slept with her best friend the next day or cheated on her with her sister or was abusive. Her whole narrative the entire season has been that that one ex-boyfriend basically destroyed her faith in love and left her with some sort of deep, pulsating psychological scar that even a decade of supposed self introspection couldn't fix. She's also been dangling it over Greg as a deeply emotional secret that she would only reveal when she could finally trust him enough with that trauma. All of that to find out that they just broke up over some bitchy fights because they couldn't handle long distance??? She does realize that people break up every day because of distance, right? I absolutely can't with her. Greg is really putting himself out there and she's just so dour and self absorbed and childish, which doesn't even really make sense considering in her closed-door interview all she could talk about with the experts was how much she likes him and how she really does envision their marriage lasting forever. I don't understand why her actions don't match that sentiment even a little bit because she seemed genuine talking to the experts. I cannot believe she's actually blaming her adult romantic dysfunction on being sad her high school relationship didn't end with marriage at 20. Amber is so desperate that she's willing to pretend any asinine detail Matt drops about his childhood ("We climbed the walls." "My sister bullied me for being fat.") is a sign of increased emotional intimacy. If they're not even kissing anymore, stick a fork in it. It's sad that she genuinely believes that if she just goes along with whatever he wants he will eventually want to be with her. He's distancing himself because he feels bad for having sex with her when he knows she has feelings and he doesn't, so he's just saving face until decision day. Iris is just so fucking weird. Don't even get me started on her so-called secret – with the weird wording and by saying "no one knows about this but my mom and the doctors" I thought she was setting up some sort of intersex coming out moment where she was going to reveal she was born with unconventional genitalia, which would explain her extreme reluctance with penetrative sex. But no, she's just a giggling, emotionally stunted ditz. The way she framed this story about swallowing the quarter like she was telling him she had six toes was just so bizarre. Forget about Keith not being sexually attracted to her, it would be like trying to be roommates with a fifth grader. I think he cares less about not getting laid and at this point he just feels like a round-the-clock babysitter. He's been trying to always put on a good face for the cameras not even about staying with her but just being kind and you could see that moment was really testing his patience, lol. It's like a 12-year-old who's never been kissed forcing her first boyfriend to spend time with her even though they can't stand each other.
  3. SnarkEnthusiast

    S06.E06: Week 3, Part 2

    Mike has become kind of a doofy nothing burger on BiP. I guess not having someone to compete over and focus on has really dulled his suave romantic edge. After all that last first date talk, he seemed like he could care less when Caelynn chose to pursue Dean and even less about the girl he halfheartedly decided to pursue after her. I know that the producers are probably sweating bullets trying to make the next bachelor happen since Tyler is dating Gigi Hadid now, but tricking Derek/signing Derek up to gain audience sympathy via being bamboozled by your current fling's simultaneous lady relationship and then cuckolding him in the name of being a good ally...feels like a long, indirect walk to be the next bachelor.
  4. SnarkEnthusiast

    S02.E10: In My Heels

    Overall, I think Candy's character arc was the wobbliest, especially the highly questionable decision to try to force a character arc postmortem. She wasn't that important or significant when she was alive, and if anything was kind of a one-dimensional mustache twirling villain that just kind of sucked up air whenever they needed some sort of antagonist. Then suddenly she dies and she's a beloved martyr. Not only did she magically become everyone's best friend or beloved sidekick through revisionist history, but the rest of the cast was apparently so stricken that they all continued to hallucinate her for months on end. It's very clunky and I don't buy it. I think it was just a case of the writers and cast really liking the actress and trying to make her relevant as much as possible, but it just didn't work with the character. I was surprised Pray and Ricky are still together nine months later. That "incest" scandal sure evaporated quickly! How convenient that everyone judging them immediately drifted away from the ball scene. The infatuation seemed almost exclusively sexual on both sides, so I would've thought that would've naturally fallen apart after a few weeks. The boy introduced her to Blanca as Chris, which she immediately corrected to Chilly, so yes, it would seem she's apparently trans. But I agree with @Blakeston, she was definitely a 2019 trans girl. It's the thing to do now to immediately put trans kids on puberty blockers at 10/11, which is great, but as far as I know it's only been widespread practice for the last five years or so (Jazz Jennings being the first well-known public case), so that was painfully inaccurate for an inner-city kid in 1991. If you watch the last season of I Am Jazz, the new standard is definitely reflected - whereas her trans peers and trans adults often express wonder and sometimes envy that Jazz was able to avoid male puberty so effectively, when she's speaking to younger teens in the last few episodes, all of them are very clearly on hormone blockers and would pass without a second thought. On one hand, that's wonderful that it's been normalized and that those kids won't have to go through the same mental anguish, but on the other hand, it unsurprisingly continues to stratify beauty standards and ability to pass along socioeconomic and racial lines. Even among people in their mid-late 20s, puberty blockers weren't common, but there's a huge shift with trans girls under 21 (think Jazz Jennings and Hunter Schafer), so passing is going to become increasingly dictated by increasingly early access to costly resources, not to mention favoring those with liberal and accepting parents, in addition to the luck of the draw of having features naturally perceived as more feminine. ETA: So even though 2019 beauty standards are inevitable in media, it's getting a little ridiculous to pretend that all these runway-ready actresses supposedly face the same struggles as average trans folks living on the margins, especially re: being outed.
  5. SnarkEnthusiast

    Are You The One?

    Based on them retweeting each other all day every day, doing IG live, showing up together on other cast members' IG stories, and hosting a viewing party together for this week's episode...it sure seems like they are lol. I'm so happy for them. There's a difference between using matchmaking to spare you from toxic relationships (Jenna/Kai, Nour/Amber, etc.) versus letting arbitrary producer picks and algorithms separate you for no reason when you've developed real feelings for each other. The experts can keep you open minded, but they can't predict the future. Paige and Remy really bring out the best in each other, even though imo Paige went into the house hoping to pursue/end up with a woman to validate her bisexuality to herself, which is ironically probably why she wasn't matched with Remy.
  6. SnarkEnthusiast

    S02.E10: In My Heels

    Seconding the mixed emotions about the second time jump. Feels like we've skipped more time than we've covered! I LOVE PAPI. Angel B. Curiel is everything. He's one of the most adept young actors I've seen at portraying not only the full spectrum of emotion (love his flustered smile when the girls were talking about doing porn at the pier), but with such nuance and softness. The way his face trembled with emotion as he waited for Angel to propose...omg. And for once Angel got a sappy monologue about him! I also feel like Papi's enthusiastic "FUCK YEAH!" was improvised (hilarious) as well as Indya's choice to quickly stroke Angel's (the actor's) cheek when they saw how emotional he was getting during the proposal. Little details like that make this couple shine. I love them so, so much. That was my favorite TV engagement ever, easily. And now Papi has his own career beyond being Angel's emotional support boyfriend! I actually liked mature Damon? Seems like he aged about 10 years overnight, wardrobe included. Not sure I buy him suddenly being a house father (abroad no less), but good for him. Weird seeing Blanca's "kids" go from 5-7 years younger than her to actual kids. Interesting choice to take on two 14-year-olds with your health visibly failing. Does that mean next season will jump to 1995 so the new crop will be legal? Pray and Blanca will be dead by the premiere with this wonky timeline!
  7. SnarkEnthusiast

    S06.E06: Week 3, Part 2

    Well, that was an embarrassing pile of self-congratulatory, virtue-signaling bullshit. Since when do you get to just import randoms from home? Although it's an inside joke that lady/lady couples move fast, the over dramatic weeping and constant kissing suggests they've been exclusive 6+ months and were invited to do the show as an LGBT PSA. And then they get to stay and get a date card???? Be more obvious producers. Way to shit on Derek. I hope they told him. It's obvious they're just salivating over the impending publicity of a lesbian proposal. Worse, Twitter is already tripping over itself to fawn over Demi and Kristian. Bleck! Somewhere, Jed's eyes are rolling into the sun. Kristian is weirdly stern and seems much older than 27. She and Demi have a strange mommy/daughter vibe.
  8. SnarkEnthusiast

    Are You The One?

    Absolutely devastated Paige and Remy aren't a match. He was so devoted to her. His little soft kiss on her knuckles after they finally kissed for the first time....my heart. Although her being matched with Amber would be interesting since Paige has had a little flame for her for a while. I should've known they wouldn't match her with a dude, given that her "show narrative" at the start was presented as her finally exploring her attraction to women. On the flip side, it's hilarious that Nour/Jasmine is a presumed match after they almost came to blows like two days before. Super weird to watch them make out now. It was surprisingly big of Kai to admit he didn't treat Jasmine well and thought Nour could. Nour's still an abusive shitbag. I feel terrible for Danny. Kai and apparently everyone else is like, "I mean, I'm not attracted to you, but you seem like a stable partner so I guess I could suck it up and settle for you." Sure, he's not exactly a panty dropper, but he's been nothing but open minded and supportive of everyone. He deserves better. Max is so clingy and paranoid. Regardless of whether or not he and Justin are a match, they wouldn't last three months outside the house.
  9. SnarkEnthusiast

    S06.E05: Week 3, Part 1

    As a bisexual woman myself, this ham fisted, producer driven Demi storyline is not only boring, but flat out eye roll inducing. So it's cool to be dating someone back home as long as it's a girl and the relationship can be shoehorned into a coming out story? That girl with the nose ring on Nick's (?) season was also openly bi and showed up in Paradise (where her bisexuality was referenced by other cast members), so I'm not sure why they're treating Demi like the first ever bisexual in Bachelor Nation. Funny that Cam planted the seed with Oneyka that Mike wasn't into her to make a play for her platonic rose and instead it made her self-implode immediately. Which makes no sense, because wasn't she also into Wills who basically wound up going home because of her? I don't know what it is, but I am super into JPJ and rooting the most for JPJ and Tayshia. In a franchise founded on unhealthy fixation and obsessive jealousy, I love how pure his infatuation with her is and how he's just perpetually in awe of her. The high school element of their relationship is cute instead of clingy and cringe like Dylan/Hannah. The play fighting in between kisses was adorable, as was him carrying her to the pool. Although, what is up with his ultra-sensitive gag reflex? lol but at least she was able to laugh it off.
  10. SnarkEnthusiast

    S02.E24: Inmate or Soulmate?

    Lacey (Booberella) is the biggest genius of the bunch. Great idea to pit two ex-cons against each other in a love triangle neither of them knows about when your new secret boyfriend just got out of jail for malicious wounding. What could go wrong?
  11. SnarkEnthusiast

    Mackenzie McKee: Somebody We're Supposed to Know

    Thread title made me laugh. Mackenzie must be desperate for cash if she keeps running whenever MTV calls. Hell, they recruited Brostol Palin before they came crawling back to her. She's yoking herself to a sinking ship. I'd be a little insulted to always be Plan D, but it's not like any of these women are aware of Plan B anyway. Her poor kids, in addition to being forced to listen to their 16-year-old sister mother pout and openly shit talk their father to their faces, are all saddled with names that sound like off-brand snack foods. The decision to document Mackenzie's mother's last few months of life only in the shallow context of Mackenzie's glib, trivial bullshit ("My mom having cancer means she can't babysit on demand for me anymore while I film my shitty YouTube workout videos! My life sucks!") feels...exceptionally tasteless, even for this soulless franchise.
  12. SnarkEnthusiast

    S02.E09: Life's a Beach

    Enough with Ghost Candy already!!! Did the actress have a clause in her contract that she had to have a minimum of one scene per episode even if her character was killed off? And why does everyone hallucinate her separately, even in group settings where every other character has also hallucinated her, but never together? Candy needs to start charging per minute for her haunting. Overall, really fun episode and refreshingly relaxing in a very heavy season. I did kind of roll my eyes at Blanca's Manic Pixie Dream Guy ("I gave you CPR and thought you were so sexy! Wanna go on a date? Also I know you're trans magically somehow but it's cool, let's make out!" Electra works much better as comic relief/Snark Mom than villain. Her trying to mask the stench of decay with a constellation of individual car fresheners made me laugh.
  13. SnarkEnthusiast

    Are You The One?

    It's just The Kai Show at this point and his shit was already old four weeks ago. I laughed when Danny reacted to Jenna's (probably correct) assumption that he and Kai are a match with all the Excitement of a haggard stepdad awarded full custody of a juvenile delinquent. Max is right - Kai is a whiny, self victimizing baby to the point of secondhand embarrassment. Everyone trying to lecture and then coddle him by the pool while he hid his face and collapsed in a tantrum was cringe worthy. Also it's bizarre that everyone who has slept with or been attracted to Kai just stands around together watching him like an animal on National Geographic trying to armchair diagnose him. Nour is also beyond obnoxious, with her shrieking, violence, and fake blaccent that magically appears whenever she wants to fight. Who would want her after all this? She's a miserable person. It was nice to see Paige finally appreciate Remy's effort. I hate it when people punish new flames for their ex's behavior. Come on, the man is sitting in front of you saying he'd wait years for you! Disappointed to see that she apparently cools off again next week and has the audacity to make him cry but they just did IG live together so apparently everything turned out well.
  14. SnarkEnthusiast

    Are You The One?

    Last week's episode gave me a full-blown crush on Remy. I want him and Paige to be a match more than anyone else in the house. He's so empathetic and respectful. Same on the producers for initially painting him as the slutty villain when he's a slut with a heart of gold!!! Also he won points with me for liking/replying to a viewer tweet along the lines of "this isn't AYTO4Kai, why do I know nothing about Danny, Paige, Aasha etc. but know so many details about how horny Kai is?" lmao
  15. SnarkEnthusiast

    S02.E05: The Blade of The Three

    Well, at least Nia's middle school awkwardness towards Janzo was mercifully short-lived. He's more hopeless than I thought if he still hadn't connected the dots that she liked him after their obvious fireworks during the "test" kiss, the lingering convo with him on top of her, and then WHEN SHE ASKED HIM OUT ON A DATE. He really is a fanboy avatar if he gets to kiss Talon and Nia and then complain that no women take him seriously. It also makes me laugh when super romantically inexperienced characters like Janzo can barely make eye contact, but are suddenly smooth kissers when the moment comes. Maybe a bit of Anand peeking through there! 😉 It's unfortunate/annoying that Janzo will probably hurt Nia by letting his torch for Talon come between them.
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