Jill, Derick & the Kids: Moving On!!

[ouinason]

I sort of had it both ways when I got married.  We were living in the same house about 6 months before the wedding, but not sleeping together until after.  We learned a lot about how we would function on a day to day basis, but we still had that "wedding night" that we wanted.  But that was a personal choice and our parents weren't obsessed with the status of our sex life, unlike these Duggars.

[DangerousMinds]

37 minutes ago, ouinason said:

I sort of had it both ways when I got married.  We were living in the same house about 6 months before the wedding, but not sleeping together until after.  We learned a lot about how we would function on a day to day basis, but we still had that "wedding night" that we wanted.  But that was a personal choice and our parents weren't obsessed with the status of our sex life, unlike these Duggars.

In fundie land, that wouldn’t be possible because men can’t possibly control their sexual urges.

[Jynnan tonnix]

On 11/24/2020 at 9:25 AM, rue721 said:

Wha? I mean, of course I'd rather us not be virgins. I don't want to be my doctor's first patient, my teacher's first student, my pilot's first passenger...Common sense here lol

It seems to me that if the chemistry is there, virgins can quite happily learn from each other. I do think it's important to know to at least some extent that you are sexually compatible before actually signing on the dotted line. But while you can certainly know how attracted you are to someone without real physical contact, and it's definitely possible to go on to have a fulfilling sex life even if both parties enter into the marriage having done nothing more intimate than holding hands, I think a certain amount of experimentation, at least, should be strongly recommended. 

[Jynnan tonnix]

17 hours ago, yogi2014L said:

Derick and Jill definitely were virgins when they married.

I am happy I wasn't, and I am happy my husband wasn't. I feel like that could lead to always wondering if the grass is greener on the other side, truly. I also think that it helps you figure out where sex lands on your priority list. Sowing my wild oats definitely helped me prioritize the more critical qualities I was looking for in a partner. Our sex life is great, but I would MUCH rather be highly compatible in other areas like parenting, family relationships, work life balance ect vs lacking in those areas. I really do feel bad for these fundies who marry with hardly knowing their partner just to find out that they suck at everything and always wondering if there's more out there. Probably leads to more infidelity I'd imagine too. 

 

Mr Jyn and I were both virgins when we met, though not when we married. I think, for me, it would have been a good thing if I'd, maybe, had a prior relationship with someone where it just wasn't going to work out for whatever reason, because then I'd feel less "committed" to marrying Mr Jyn. I mean, it's not been a completely bad decision - we have three really great kids, and have had an interesting life moving around with the Navy, which I honestly can't imagine foregoing, and are financially set really well for retirement. But I could have been a much happier person , I think, with someone else. Then again, how do I know? As difficult as he can be, there's also every chance I might have married someone I was totally in love with only to have him end up leaving me and having to struggle along as a single mom. One never knows. 

[rue721]

5 hours ago, Jynnan tonnix said:

It seems to me that if the chemistry is there, virgins can quite happily learn from each other. I do think it's important to know to at least some extent that you are sexually compatible before actually signing on the dotted line. But while you can certainly know how attracted you are to someone without real physical contact, and it's definitely possible to go on to have a fulfilling sex life even if both parties enter into the marriage having done nothing more intimate than holding hands, I think a certain amount of experimentation, at least, should be strongly recommended. 

Sure, but going into marriage blinded by lust is also dangerous. My first time was with my high school boyfriend, who was also a virgin. Nice guy, but once we crossed that bridge together it turned out we had basically nothing else in common. To be honest, that’s how I see Ben and Jessa now. Who knows about Derick and Jill, though — Derick is a weirdo and Jill comes from a cult, I honestly have no idea how they relate behind closed doors.

5 hours ago, Jynnan tonnix said:

Mr Jyn and I were both virgins when we met, though not when we married. I think, for me, it would have been a good thing if I'd, maybe, had a prior relationship with someone where it just wasn't going to work out for whatever reason, because then I'd feel less "committed" to marrying Mr Jyn. I mean, it's not been a completely bad decision - we have three really great kids, and have had an interesting life moving around with the Navy, which I honestly can't imagine foregoing, and are financially set really well for retirement. But I could have been a much happier person , I think, with someone else. Then again, how do I know? As difficult as he can be, there's also every chance I might have married someone I was totally in love with only to have him end up leaving me and having to struggle along as a single mom. One never knows. 

This is really sad, @Jynnan tonnix. You’re alive now and have worth now — as they say, don’t let the bastards grind you down.

[iwantcookies]

☠️☠️☠️🤣🤣🤣

[iwantcookies]

They posted nothing on what they did on Thanksgiving.

[Kiss my mutt]

3 hours ago, iwantcookies said:

They posted nothing on what they did on Thanksgiving.

That’s refreshing!

[xwordfanatik]

Hopefully spent it at their house, just the four of them.  Being on JB's shit list is a blessing in disguise.

[GeeGolly]

1 minute ago, xwordfanatik said:

Hopefully spent it at their house, just the four of them.  Being on JB's shit list is a blessing in disguise.

I think Jill said they were going to be with Derick's family.

[xwordfanatik]

Just now, GeeGolly said:

I think Jill said they were going to be with Derick's family.

Less people, anyway, than any of the Duggars' houses.  I suppose they had to please Miss Cathy.  

 

[irisheyes]

1 hour ago, GeeGolly said:

I think Jill said they were going to be with Derick's family.

I don’t see that as a huge deal since they seem to see her fairly regularly. (Not that it’s a great idea, but. . .). Much better than Smuggars heading off to TEXAS to get together with the whole extended family. 

[GeeGolly]

1 hour ago, irisheyes said:

I don’t see that as a huge deal since they seem to see her fairly regularly. (Not that it’s a great idea, but. . .). Much better than Smuggars heading off to TEXAS to get together with the whole extended family. 

Its beyond what I would do, because Izzy goes to school and Jill has been with her siblings unmasked. So I wouldn't hang with Derick's parents unmasked, even more so around Miss Cathy if she's receiving any maintenance treatment after her near death cancer illness. But I suppose that's Cathy's choice. Also, the pregnant SIL's choice.

[dargosmydaddy]

18 minutes ago, GeeGolly said:

and Jill has been with her siblings unmasked.

In the past two weeks? Hopefully not? (I can't think of any specific photo evidence, though of course that doesn't prove anything...) At the very least, though, I would think the various other things that have been going on in the Duggar-verse that Jill isn't a part of/ wasn't invited to (the Claritin engagement party, the faux-Thanksgiving/ harvest celebration that was likely for filming purposes, Joy's vacation, Evangeline's birth) left her family too busy to sneak a quick visit with her, too.

That said, the rest of your concerns are still true, but presumably the Dillards did what they felt comfortable doing, just like the majority of the rest of the country... (insert sad face). Though it does seem likely that they've been seeing one another fairly regularly, anyway. I'm sure the Dillard celebration was much smaller than the Keller reunion or Duggar multi-family event, though I guess that's setting the bar pretty low!

[Barb23]

Did anyone else pick up on this on the Q & A?

Jill was talking about how they weren't as closely monitored on skype or texts/phone calls as they portrayed on the show. She said there were times JB & Michelle weren't even home. Jill continued by saying her parents were busy & that Justin was in a courtship at the same time so they had to oversee him as well. Hmm, very interesting.  Jill used the word courtship,  said it matter of factly like it wasn't a big deal & everyone knew & then just continued talking.  This was supposed to be 7 years ago so Justin was around 12.  Do we know anything about this early courtship with Justin, was it one of those early relationship things like Josh had?  

[BigBingerBro]

29 minutes ago, Barb23 said:

Justin was in a courtship at the same time so they had to oversee him as well.

I didn't watch the Q & A but do you think maybe she meant Jessa?

[Zahdii]

3 hours ago, Barb23 said:

Did anyone else pick up on this on the Q & A?

Jill was talking about how they weren't as closely monitored on skype or texts/phone calls as they portrayed on the show. She said there were times JB & Michelle weren't even home. Jill continued by saying her parents were busy & that Justin was in a courtship at the same time so they had to oversee him as well...This was supposed to be 7 years ago so Justin was around 12.  Do we know anything about this early courtship with Justin, was it one of those early relationship things like Josh had?  

 

3 hours ago, BigBingerBro said:

I didn't watch the Q & A but do you think maybe she meant Jessa?

Or Justin was experiencing his first crush and his parents were obsessively hovering to make sure it didn't become another Josh problem.  After the Josh molestation's, what 12 year old boy in their family would have enough freedom to spend alone time with a girl?

Jill probably meant to say Jessa, as suggested above.  It was obvious even on the show how controlling JB&M were with Jessa and Ben.

[emmawoodhouse]

I'm pretty sure she said Jessa. 

[madpsych78]

I thought she said Jessa

[Growsonwalls]

I think staying virgins till marriage is fine ... if you've gotten to know the person enough to make sure you're compatible. The issue with the Duggars' idea of "courtship" is the formula seems to be pairing two horny, barely legal teens together. These kids have no life experiences to draw upon -- it's as if being a fundie girl with a functioning pair of ovaries is the only prerequisite.

 

[emmawoodhouse]

Since we're on the Dillards' thread, it bears repeating that they were well into their 20's when they got to know one another. They may have gotten to know each other better, but they were still horny virgins. Remember how Jill licked Derelict's fingers during the cake ceremony? She was raring to go.

Edited November 30, 2020 by emmawoodhouse

[GeeGolly]

9 hours ago, emmawoodhouse said:

I'm pretty sure she said Jessa. 

Did she say Jessa and Ben? That could sound like Justin.

[Kellyee]

I was on Team Jill for a long time, but it's getting to be a bit much. It was one thing to call out Jim Bob for not paying her fairly and admit to using birth control, but now she's making comments about courting that could hurt her siblings who believe in it. It feels like Jill has either absorbed some of Derrick's bitter, or she's just so desperate for the YouTube videos to make money that she'll say anything. 

And it's not like she's done such amazing things with her life since she "broke free". She wears pants and uses condoms. She hasn't gone back to school or gotten a job, but is instead following the typical Duggar pattern of using their fame to make money. She's a help mate and married to a bigot, just like her sisters.

[DangerousMinds]

1 hour ago, Kellyee said:

I was on Team Jill for a long time, but it's getting to be a bit much. It was one thing to call out Jim Bob for not paying her fairly and admit to using birth control, but now she's making comments about courting that could hurt her siblings who believe in it. It feels like Jill has either absorbed some of Derrick's bitter, or she's just so desperate for the YouTube videos to make money that she'll say anything. 

And it's not like she's done such amazing things with her life since she "broke free". She wears pants and uses condoms. She hasn't gone back to school or gotten a job, but is instead following the typical Duggar pattern of using their fame to make money. She's a help mate and married to a bigot, just like her sisters.

Using a condom is a HUGE accomplishment, imo. Maybe some of her siblings will think twice about “courtship” and other things that are forced upon them. Just my thoughts.

[ouinason]

Jill didn't really say anything that negative about courting.  She said it wasn't as restrictive as they showed on TV and that she wouldn't change how she and Derrick handled their relationship.  Other than not really liking what people have come to associate with the word "courtship" and not really liking to call it that, there was no dis there.

[GeeGolly]

30 minutes ago, ouinason said:

Jill didn't really say anything that negative about courting.  She said it wasn't as restrictive as they showed on TV and that she wouldn't change how she and Derrick handled their relationship.  Other than not really liking what people have come to associate with the word "courtship" and not really liking to call it that, there was no dis there.

Yup, she said they both appreciated the guidance JB & M gave them in regard to their courtship. The only thing they would change is they would have held hands because "they were in their 20s".

I also don't think adult siblings living outside the home have any obligation to hide their beliefs from their younger siblings. I don't think they should actively try to sway their siblings to deviate from their parents rules though.

[lascuba]

On 12/1/2020 at 11:52 AM, Kellyee said:

I was on Team Jill for a long time, but it's getting to be a bit much. It was one thing to call out Jim Bob for not paying her fairly and admit to using birth control, but now she's making comments about courting that could hurt her siblings who believe in it. It feels like Jill has either absorbed some of Derrick's bitter, or she's just so desperate for the YouTube videos to make money that she'll say anything. 

And it's not like she's done such amazing things with her life since she "broke free". She wears pants and uses condoms. She hasn't gone back to school or gotten a job, but is instead following the typical Duggar pattern of using their fame to make money. She's a help mate and married to a bigot, just like her sisters.

I don't care at all about Jill's siblings are affected by how she lives her life, but you are 100% on the bolded. She hasn't done a damn things except gotten a bit wily about her social media presence.

[ginger90]

 

Video:

 

 

[Totally]

I love that there Christmas tree is hung with ornaments that the kids are excited about, instead of the generic boring trees we’ve seen from the others in the family 

[crazycatlady58]

Ok that was cute. I have no young children around so it was nice to see kids enjoy decorating the tree. I liked how they had the kids doing something while the tree was being put up.

[BigBingerBro]

Well, Jill seems to be mastering the click-baitish facial expression for YouTube videos.

[ginger90]

[GeeGolly]

Ugh, Derick drinking out of the carton.

[emmawoodhouse]

4 hours ago, ginger90 said:

I wonder if they were filming? Then again, TLC knows how to film around Smuggar.

[ChiCricket]

8 hours ago, ginger90 said:

Video:

 

 

He stunk at putting on that star. 

I have the exact same one, and you kind of have to screw it onto the top most piece of the tree (and then cheat by securing it with some hidden bread wrapper ties.) 

  But it was nice to see the whole family helping decorate.😊

[QuinnInND]

https://www.instagram.com/p/CIT5VG4guL5/?igshid=1on8dgzts1pd9

Still pics. The kids look like they're having fun decorating. Nice pics, except for Jill and Derelict kissing. Ick. 

[galaxygirl76]

Is it me or has Sammy given up his attempts to break free lately 😂 He seems pretty content nowadays with minimal side eying. 

[Snow Fairy]

Maybe he figured out he would be able to go to school and actually have a life?

[Suzn]

2 hours ago, QuinnInND said:

https://www.instagram.com/p/CIT5VG4guL5/?igshid=1on8dgzts1pd9

Still pics. The kids look like they're having fun decorating. Nice pics, except for Jill and Derelict kissing. Ick. 

Why, oh why, oh why do they think anyone wants to see them awkwardly kissing?  It's bizarre to foist those pictures on an unsuspecting public!

Edited December 3, 2020 by Suzn

[Zella]

1 hour ago, galaxygirl76 said:

Is it me or has Sammy given up his attempts to break free lately 😂 He seems pretty content nowadays with minimal side eying. 

Izzy seems a lot more relaxed too. I do suspect that things may be less tense in the Dillard house than they were, and regardless of the whys, I'm glad for the sake of those 2 kids. 

[QuinnInND]

1 hour ago, Suzn said:

Why, oh why, oh why do they think anyone wants to see them awkwardly kissing?  It's bizarre to foist those pictures on an unsuspecting public!

To show their leghumpers how much in wuv they are. Lol

 

[Tikichick]

1 hour ago, Zella said:

Izzy seems a lot more relaxed too. I do suspect that things may be less tense in the Dillard house than they were, and regardless of the whys, I'm glad for the sake of those 2 kids. 

I've commented on the notably more relaxed vibe in their videos before.   If nothing else I'm thrilled for the positive impact that will have on the kids.    I'm practically doing backflips over the idea Israel is attending school and they're all actually living on a schedule.   

In my book any sliver or chink of light for the kids is welcome.

[anna0852]

I think Jill is always going to have some repugnant beliefs and she's not a person I would ever choose to hang out with.

But she is actively choosing to do better by her children. They are not being raised in the chaos that she was. They aren't being denied an education. Even at these young ages they are probably both smarter than any of their maternal cousins. She's even trying, in her own clumsy way, to protect them from the molestation she experienced.  The atmosphere in their home is far more relaxed, they're ncouraged to read which will develop their critical thinking skills and they seem to be having far more typical 'kid experiences' than their mother and her siblings ever did.

To the rest of us these things are ordinary and quite frankly expected. But for Jill it's a huge leap.  Could she do more? Should she do more? Yes, absolutely. But right now I am just delighted to watch what we get.

[truebluesmoky]

There’s a new video today of them stringing cranberries and orange slices, and Sam shows Jill his “happy dance” in it, and I am so thankful he is allowed to dance. 

Edited December 4, 2020 by truebluesmoky

[Nysha]

3 hours ago, truebluesmoky said:

There’s a new video today of them stringing cranberries and orange slices, and San shows Jill his “happy dance” in it, and I am so thankful he is allowed to dance. 

I am too. One of the saddest clips in the original show was Jana making her toddler brother stop moving to the nursery music player and the bull spit reason was that innocent little boy could be lead to sin if they didn't stop him.

[libgirl2]

15 hours ago, Nysha said:

I am too. One of the saddest clips in the original show was Jana making her toddler brother stop moving to the nursery music player and the bull spit reason was that innocent little boy could be lead to sin if they didn't stop him.

That was so sad. 

[iwantcookies]

So far Dillard kids are having the best hope for a typical/normal childhood that might lead them to be independent from Jim Bobs wallet/control. 
 

 

[Madtown]

I liked both videos. The boys were so excited to help with the tree decorating. I really hope they have no more kids because they just seem like a happy family of four. I think Jill would go back to being overwhelmed with more kids.

[doodlebug]

On 12/4/2020 at 8:24 PM, Madtown said:

I liked both videos. The boys were so excited to help with the tree decorating. I really hope they have no more kids because they just seem like a happy family of four. I think Jill would go back to being overwhelmed with more kids.

I enjoyed the video, too.  I thought it was great that they talked about each ornament as they put it on the tree; that there were some that Israel always placed while Sam had some favorites, too.  "Papa Pistol Pete" was cute and it was lovely that Jill reminded her boys their paternal grandfather  had also been Pete as they hung his ornament on the tree.  I'm, sure Cathy loves that her grandchildren are getting to know their grandfather in this way.  That is the real deal, the connection between the generations, the special traditions; that kids love about the holidays and will carry with them for the rest of their lives.

Edited December 6, 2020 by doodlebug

[Growsonwalls]

Well Cathy Dillard might have some nutty beliefs but she appears to be a genuinely loving grandmother. Sam and Izzy need that as they're certainly not going to get it from JB and Michelle.