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Jill, Derick & the Kids: Moving On!!


Message added by CM-CrispMtAir,

Shout out to everyone participating in the conversation about Jill’s miscarriage/stillbirth. You’re navigating a difficult topic with respect and thoughtfulness and your contributions are kind, considerate, constructive and informative. 

Thank you. 💚💚

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7 hours ago, graefin said:

I'd feel sorry for Jill except I don't. She's an adult so she can grow up and detach herself from Derick's hip and parent her own children. Derick can take care of himself while he's at school. Can your children?

If Barnacle Jill is having a hard time, it's because of her upbringing. She grew up in a family that travels in packs and does everything together. She's always had other people around and has never been truly self-sufficient. Being on her own must seem strange and uncomfortable to her, if not downright scary. She needs to put her big girl panties on and get over it. If enough other students start complaining about her hanging around, Derick might be asked to leave. 

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3 hours ago, farmgal4 said:

You just answered your own question.

I was talking about Derick's law school. They seem to take a lot of photos of students in classrooms. I don't know why. I don't remember my college taking so many photos of kids in class when I was in school. 

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I don’t mind banana bread again if that’s what they all like.  It I certainly don’t look forward to her recipes. 

As far as #besthubbyever maybe he thinks of himself like Mike on Suits. Read it once and commit to memory -and be able to retrieve it. I don’t believe this but I wonder if he does. 

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18 minutes ago, lookeyloo said:

I don’t mind banana bread again if that’s what they all like.  It I certainly don’t look forward to her recipes. 

As far as #besthubbyever maybe he thinks of himself like Mike on Suits. Read it once and commit to memory -and be able to retrieve it. I don’t believe this but I wonder if he does. 

I think its fine if they like banana bread and she wants to make it for her kids.  Baking is a great rainy day activity.  I do mind that she is giving out the same old unremarkable recipe again.  She posted this back when they were in Danger America.  Unless she's doing something new and inventive (hah!), there's no need to post the same simple recipe.  Doesn't she use Jiffy Muffin mix or something for her banana bread?  Not exactly innovative cooking.

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9 hours ago, Rabbittron said:

 I wonder what his fellow classmates or his professor think about her being in class with him all the time.

I haven't seen any info that supports a conclusion that she's in class with him all the time.

We've seen that she was at one class, one time. The reddit source said the prof in that class has a lenient policy for non-student visitors. The recent photos of sandwiches and a class in session were on the law school's Facebook page, so I don't think that Jill took those. She may have taken a couple of photos of Derick in the law library. I don't think it's a big abnormal deal if she visited law school with him a time or two - saw the building, explored the library, sat in on a class. 

She posted on SM that he leaves the house early to get to school. My snarkalicious self can imagine clingy Jilly haunting the law school lobby while Derick is in classes that she can't attend. But I really don't have any information that she does that, or brings his lunch every day. I also don't see Jessa being eternally and daily willing to care for Jill's kids while Jill drives off to hang out for hours on the U of A campus, and I don't think that even Saint Jana would  be up for that either. 

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@Quilt Fairy I think it may be a matter of perspective (cultural and personal) because I don’t consider “garlic” to be a strong flavor (especially on greens which are so bland by themselves). 

9 hours ago, Portia said:

At least in my part of the U. S., the current trend among young parents seems to be to carefully introduce table foods when the child expresses an interest and to let the child eat basically the same table foods the parents eat. It makes lots of sense to me.  My daughter and son-in-law love super spicy foods, and they definitely exercised common sense about giving extreme foods to my grandson, but they did let him try the flavors they enjoyed when he was well under a year. He's 2 now and enjoys some foods that are even a bit too spicy for me. (I'm a lightweight, though.) I predict he won't be one of those 7-year-olds who'll only eat chicken nuggets.

 

Yes this is how a lot of cultures do things. Of course people have to raise their children how they like (I’m not in that) but I would assume this is how children learn about new foods. (I did and I’m 32, I was expected to eat what the adults ate). Fortunately for me my mom knows how to cook- my great aunt on the other hand boiled everything to DEATH, and turned me off of certain vegetables for a while. Izzy and Sam may be turned off of foods thinking that’s how they taste, not realizing Jill is a bad cook. 

Edited by Scarlett45
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12 hours ago, Jynnan tonnix said:

With you on all those except the lust part...after 4 (?) years and two babies, I very much doubt that she's still in any sort of haze where she just wants to jump his bones 24/7. 

It's probably more some combination of a fear of being without him (for any reason - of which a mind conditioned to be helpless without a headship can probably concoct countless possibilities) and a similar indoctrination into believing that marriage automatically means some sort of superglue-like bond which makes being apart akin to torture. She has to keep herself believing that at all costs lest she start thinking that her life's journey might not have been preordained by the sort of God who gives you everything of the very best as long as you keep to his plan.

I can kinda get Jill probably feeling helpless without Derek but wasn’t she taught to be a housewife cook clean look after kids? why doesn’t she do that then and let Derek get on with college and work? You don’t see Jessa following Ben around,  I can’t see Jessa wanting to go to College with Ben anyway but I think Ben & Jessa both realise the other needs some space so they give it too them even if it is just Ben going to college or whatever he does. 

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1 hour ago, Puffin said:

I can kinda get Jill probably feeling helpless without Derek but wasn’t she taught to be a housewife cook clean look after kids? why doesn’t she do that then and let Derek get on with college and work? You don’t see Jessa following Ben around,  I can’t see Jessa wanting to go to College with Ben anyway but I think Ben & Jessa both realise the other needs some space so they give it too them even if it is just Ben going to college or whatever he does. 

You don't see Jessa going off to college with Ben, but isn't he doing a lot of his coursework online?  Also, despite having been raised to do housework, cook and clean, Jessa doesn't appear to do much of that, either.  She does seem to enjoy her kids more and interacts with them more naturally than Jill does, at least on social media.

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It seems like Jessa and Bin are slightly more secure in their relationship. She goes out to lunch with friends and a while back there was a picture of Bin with friends at a Christian rap concert. They probably spend more time together than the average couple simply because they don't live regular lives of jobs, school drop-offs, kids' activities etc., but I don't think either one is a clinger. 

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50 minutes ago, Jynnan tonnix said:

Plus they have it ingrained into them that the headship is second only to God...children come somewhere below keeping him happy and making sure the romance stays in your marriage. I suppose that if any of them were married to guys for whom an immaculate house was a prerequisite for happiness, they might put more effort into that. But Dreck does't appear to care much, and Ben sort of tends to take care of the things that are important to him by himself rather than nagging Jessa to do them.

I suppose it's a nice thing to be able to keep the spark alive in a marriage, but while there is the occasional couple who do appear to be as smitten with each other after 50 years as they were as newlyweds, that's probably the exception rather than the rule. Most marriages mellow over time, and just because you are not still living in each others' hip pockets dry humping at putt-putt golf at every opportunity after 10, 20, 30 years does not mean you don't have a deep love for each other nonetheless. I think that even marriages which end up all but sexless over the years can be quite happy as long as the process is mutual and/or understanding. Pretty much all of us will get there at some point! Hugs and kisses are always nice, of course, but plenty of people are just not of the real touchy-feely sort. As long as you can each make the other feel appreciated and important in your own way more often than not, the PDAs are pretty superfluous. 

Somehow, most of the Duggar ilk seem to feel that the display of affection is more important than the actual feeling behind it.

I love your post.  I'm over 40 years married, and feel the same way that you've so aptly described.

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17 hours ago, Jynnan tonnix said:

With you on all those except the lust part...after 4 (?) years and two babies, I very much doubt that she's still in any sort of haze where she just wants to jump his bones 24/7. 

It's probably more some combination of a fear of being without him (for any reason - of which a mind conditioned to be helpless without a headship can probably concoct countless possibilities) and a similar indoctrination into believing that marriage automatically means some sort of superglue-like bond which makes being apart akin to torture. She has to keep herself believing that at all costs lest she start thinking that her life's journey might not have been preordained by the sort of God who gives you everything of the very best as long as you keep to his plan.

Hahahaha at super glue like bond!!! I actually had an ex who was sooooo emotional and dramatic, and fully believed this! We broke up after I went to the beach for a week, and he said part of the reason he chose to break up was because he didn't practically die every day of missing me! He said when his sister's husband was out of town, she could barely do anything but lay around and sob because it was torture to be without him, and since he didn't feel the same way, obviously our relationship was not meant to be. Even at the time, I thought that was NUTS! But I totally see Jill believing it. 

What I totally don't get about Derick is why he considers Jazz to be abused. I don't see that in any way! Now, yes, I'm sure her mother was THRILLED to have a child who was "different," because she seems like the world's biggest stage mother anyway. If it hadn't been trans issues, it would have been beauty pageants or acting classes, but I fully believe Jazz came forward with her orientation on her own, and it wasn't her mother's idea. In the present day, she is absolutely not being abused...in fact, I think her parents are waaaaay too permissive! I never could have acted the way she does at that age! I'd love to hear Derick's explanation of how she is "abused." However, even a one-word answer seems to hard for him, so I guess we will never know! And btw, how does someone in law school have so much time to be on twitter?

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4 minutes ago, Christina87 said:

Hahahaha at super glue like bond!!! I actually had an ex who was sooooo emotional and dramatic, and fully believed this! We broke up after I went to the beach for a week, and he said part of the reason he chose to break up was because he didn't practically die every day of missing me! He said when his sister's husband was out of town, she could barely do anything but lay around and sob because it was torture to be without him, and since he didn't feel the same way, obviously our relationship was not meant to be. Even at the time, I thought that was NUTS! But I totally see Jill believing it. 

What I totally don't get about Derick is why he considers Jazz to be abused. I don't see that in any way! Now, yes, I'm sure her mother was THRILLED to have a child who was "different," because she seems like the world's biggest stage mother anyway. If it hadn't been trans issues, it would have been beauty pageants or acting classes, but I fully believe Jazz came forward with her orientation on her own, and it wasn't her mother's idea. In the present day, she is absolutely not being abused...in fact, I think her parents are waaaaay too permissive! I never could have acted the way she does at that age! I'd love to hear Derick's explanation of how she is "abused." However, even a one-word answer seems to hard for him, so I guess we will never know! And btw, how does someone in law school have so much time to be on twitter?

I'm guessing that the "abuse" Derick is referring to is about Jazz being trans. He probably feels that her parents should not let her go through transitioning. He thinks that trans people are a non-reality. He probably thinks that her parents are forcing/indulging her into a lifestyle that he finds reprehensible. 

He clearly doesn't have a problem with kids being in the media since his own kids are all over his and Jill own accounts. 

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5 minutes ago, Future Cat Lady said:

I'm guessing that the "abuse" Derick is referring to is about Jazz being trans. He probably feels that her parents should not let her go through transitioning. He thinks that trans people are a non-reality. He probably thinks that her parents are forcing/indulging her into a lifestyle that he finds reprehensible. 

He clearly doesn't have a problem with kids being in the media since his own kids are all over his and Jill own accounts. 

I'm sure that probably is what he means, but he is ridiculous! I would see it as abuse if they forced someone to be transgender because they just "wanted" a girl or whatever, but Derick is totally delusional. 

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2 hours ago, cdp73 said:

The Duggar daughters are expected  to be housewives but training them would have required Michelle to get off her butt and teach them.

I was just thinking after I wrote that, that Michelle was a crap example of a housewife because she made everyone else do everything for her, while she did nothing. So I guess Jill learned from the best, pass your kids off to anyone available and follow your husband everywhere. 

Edited by Puffin
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New recipe post:

 

Mocha Heath Cloud Brownies Recipe

Sep 22, 2018 | Recipes | 2 

These brownies are one of my momma’s favorite desserts! I hadn’t made them in forever, but had a good excuse to make them recently when I had my mom over for a birthday lunch! These aren’t from scratch, but if you’re a mocha lover, then they are sure to please!

 

Base:

Prepare 1 box of brownies as directed for 9×13″ pan

Middle:

4 t. instant coffee, decaf (dissolve in 1 T. hot water)

1 & 1/3 C. milk

1 pkg. small instant vanilla pudding (unprepared)

1 pkg. small chocolate pudding (unprepared)

2 C. cool whip

Candy Topping:

2 Heath bars (chopped into tiny pieces)

 

Prepare brownies as directed. Let brownies cool, then chill in fridge. In bowl, mix instant coffee with hot water. Add milk, unprepared chocolate and vanilla puddings, and cool whip. Spread over chilled brownies. Sprinkle Heath bar pieces over top. Enjoy!

 

 

 

Credit: recipe originally adapted from Pampered Chef

 

81EBB794-5B2F-4851-ADAB-37D64C71739B.jpeg

Posting a screenshot was Jill’s way of promoting this one:

 

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On 9/21/2018 at 9:57 PM, Sew Sumi said:

I'm pretty sure we discovered that their place is in Fayetteville, so he really has no "commute" at all. 

More evidence of Jilly Clingalong. 

Jill is probably there to make sure that Derick doesn't cheat on her via Clinton's office .

 

 

22 hours ago, BitterApple said:

Jill: GO HOME.

I'm starting to think it isn't so much that she wants to tag along with Derick as it is she hates being around the kids as well. They seem to enjoy "date nights" a hell of a lot more than they do their children. 

Izzy destroyed her dream of the perfect fundie home birth and Sam did whatever Sam did to her . 

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2 hours ago, Future Cat Lady said:

I'm guessing that the "abuse" Derick is referring to is about Jazz being trans. He probably feels that her parents should not let her go through transitioning. He thinks that trans people are a non-reality. He probably thinks that her parents are forcing/indulging her into a lifestyle that he finds reprehensible. 

He clearly doesn't have a problem with kids being in the media since his own kids are all over his and Jill own accounts. 

I think it is not just that Jazz is trans; it's that her parents aren't telling her that it is a 'myth' and that she is going straight to hell because God hates her.  She should've been forced to wear boys' clothing, cut her hair and use her birth name, no matter how she felt. Undoubtedly, he also feels she should've been sent away to a some sort of reprogramming facility where they would've prayed the gay away.

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2 hours ago, Puffin said:

I was just thinking after I wrote that, that Michelle was a crap example of a housewife because she made everyone else do everything for her, while she did nothing. So I guess Jill learned from the best, pass your kids off to anyone available and follow your husband everywhere. 

You see, we've been too hard on poor MEschelle. She did teach her girls something after all.

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26 minutes ago, Christina87 said:

I'm sure that probably is what he means, but he is ridiculous! I would see it as abuse if they forced someone to be transgender because they just "wanted" a girl or whatever, but Derick is totally delusional. 

 

1 hour ago, doodlebug said:

I think it is not just that Jazz is trans; it's that her parents aren't telling her that it is a 'myth' and that she is going straight to hell because God hates her.  She should've been forced to wear boys' clothing, cut her hair and use her birth name, no matter how she felt. Undoubtedly, he also feels she should've been sent away to a some sort of reprogramming facility where they would've prayed the gay away.

Derick is part of a traditional that believes that parents should make ALL decisions for children -- JB still makes decisions for his adult children. Derick chose to marry into that -- so even if Cathy is less controlling than JB, I think it's only a matter of degree. In the Gothard world, allowing any child -- especially a teen -- to make any decisions is a recipe for disaster. 

By not simply telling her what to do and expecting instant obedience in return, they are "abusing" her. And, of course, the right thing to do in this case is whatever Derick thinks is the right thing to do. 

 In that context, I think he believes what he says. I don't, however, believe that he harps on Jazz for any reason other than that he gets attention for tweeting about her.

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Jill could use these in that mocha recipe and save the effort fo chopping up two heath bars. Instructions: Gut open bag (or chew open with teeth if no scissors). Dump on top of mocha bars. Then. you have a few extra minutes to pretend this is something Michelle actually likes. Everything is from a mix, box, or bag, Just, ew.

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Quote

I think midterms are gonna be hard on Jilly Muffin.

I think the whole first year will be hard.  I went to law school in prehistoric days, but I don't think it has changed that much.  There were no midterms, just a final exam which isn't a test in the traditional sense.   You have to spot all the issues in the fact situation you are given, give the laws that govern, argue both sides of the issue, and include policy and sometimes economic considerations as well.  Also during the first semester, there is a course called Legal Research or something similar that is very time consuming, but only counts for one credit hour.  I had worked for a few years after college in jobs that required me to read legal cases so I had a slight advantage over most other students in briefing a case, but I am sure he is swamped now learning how to do that.   When you are called on you have to give the facts of the case and about halfway thru your answer your Prof will start interrupting with all sorts of questions such as how you would distinguish it from the previous case and then Prof will start making slight adjustments to the facts and asking other mind-messing questions.  It is absolutely terrifying because you have no idea when you will be called on.   We had a number of married students; probably a fourth of them divorced within a year of passing the bar.  And there was lots of drinking.  It is a lot of work; if he is leaving early it is probably to go to the library or meet with his study group.

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18 hours ago, Temperance said:

I was talking about Derick's law school. They seem to take a lot of photos of students in classrooms. I don't know why. I don't remember my college taking so many photos of kids in class when I was in school. 

They take classroom pics because they’re odd (that’s a nice way of saying they’re f’ing crazy).

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The U of A is really into the photos of class in action--not just the law school. I have no idea why. They started it when I was there, and it's now apparently a thing. In my department, they'd email professors and TAs and ask for volunteers and arrange times, so it wasn't like someone would randomly show up without prior arrangement. I was a professor's assistant in one class where he had given permission and the person showed up to take pictures. She was as un-distracting about it as she could be, but I still found it distracting, and I wasn't even teaching or learning. 

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2 hours ago, Zella said:

The U of A is really into the photos of class in action--not just the law school. I have no idea why. They started it when I was there, and it's now apparently a thing. In my department, they'd email professors and TAs and ask for volunteers and arrange times, so it wasn't like someone would randomly show up without prior arrangement. I was a professor's assistant in one class where he had given permission and the person showed up to take pictures. She was as un-distracting about it as she could be, but I still found it distracting, and I wasn't even teaching or learning. 

That sounds like something that ought to make it into one of those David Lodge-esque academic novels for comic effect.  

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13 hours ago, galaxychaser said:

How Derek doesn’t have diabetes yet is a mystery.

Not defending Derek, but most young guys who are skinny as a rail can probably eat as much sugar as they want and not get diabetes.  Now, if he was obese, it might be a different story.  It all depends on the person, too.  I'm in my sixties and eat tons of sugar and my yearly glucose test is always normal. 

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I can't decide who I find more disgusting...housewife Jill who cooks worse than a third grader but insists she's an expert and her recipes are the best, or housewife Jessa who just buys yogurt and lets Bin do the cooking. Both are horrible! Jill knows no humility, and is subjecting her poor family to eating awful food with no hope for better food ever, because she knows everything and will not try new things or branch out at all. She's also blowing whatever budget they have cooking for twenty. Jessa, on the other hand, is not doing her job. Everything I've seen Bin produce has looked decent, so her boys probably get good nutrition, but it's unfair for all the work to fall on him. On the occasions Jessa cooks, though, she doesn't seem too proud of scour the internet and find something that isn't disgusting. They are both equally bad IMO, with Jill's pride and Jess's laziness!

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12 minutes ago, Christina87 said:

I can't decide who I find more disgusting...housewife Jill who cooks worse than a third grader but insists she's an expert and her recipes are the best, or housewife Jessa who just buys yogurt and lets Bin do the cooking. Both are horrible! Jill knows no humility, and is subjecting her poor family to eating awful food with no hope for better food ever, because she knows everything and will not try new things or branch out at all. She's also blowing whatever budget they have cooking for twenty. Jessa, on the other hand, is not doing her job. Everything I've seen Bin produce has looked decent, so her boys probably get good nutrition, but it's unfair for all the work to fall on him. On the occasions Jessa cooks, though, she doesn't seem too proud of scour the internet and find something that isn't disgusting. They are both equally bad IMO, with Jill's pride and Jess's laziness!

Well I don't want to defend Jessa BUT we have seen her cook and it's as disgusting as Jill's cooking. So maybe Ben figured he would  do the cooking so he and the boys survive. Yea yea they both were raised to be "helpmeets" but with their mother as exemplar- they picked up her version of being a housewife which was "drink coffee and wander around looking busy".

I'm all for men doing the cooking. How I wish my spouse would get interested in it. But he does amazing laundry so I can't complain totally.

Edited by Chicklet
It's pouring down rain and I evidently can't use words good.
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31 minutes ago, Chicklet said:

Well I don't want to defend Jessa BUT we have seen her cook and it's as disgusting as Jill's cooking. So maybe Ben figured he would  do the cooking so he and the boys survive. Yea yea they both were raised to be "helpmeets" but with their mother as exemplar- they picked up her version of being a housewife which was "drink coffee and wander around looking busy".

I'm all for men doing the cooking. How I wish my spouse would get interested in it. But he does amazing laundry so I can't complain totally.

I really wish Jessa could get a job and Bin could either stay home or work too if he wanted! I think Jessa would be way more suited for the world of work, and they could split the chores, or have Bin do more if he stayed home. That would work for their family, since Bin is better at it, but they can't because of gender roles. 

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Regarding the cooking, if you go to any major food brand's website (Kraft, Pillsbury, Betty Crocker etc.) there are hundreds of idiot-proof recipes that are quick and easy. Do these girls not realize resources exist if they want to improve their skills?

Personally I think Jessa's just lazy and Jill's so convinced the Duggar way is best she wouldn't bother to do any research. 

Edited by BitterApple
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On 9/22/2018 at 8:42 AM, doodlebug said:

I think its fine if they like banana bread and she wants to make it for her kids.  Baking is a great rainy day activity.  I do mind that she is giving out the same old unremarkable recipe again.  She posted this back when they were in Danger America.  Unless she's doing something new and inventive (hah!), there's no need to post the same simple recipe.  Doesn't she use Jiffy Muffin mix or something for her banana bread?  Not exactly innovative cooking.

But this time she's using American bananas, so the recipe is new and inventive to Jill. Maybe the slices are bigger here too. 

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22 hours ago, ginger90 said:

New recipe post:

 

Mocha Heath Cloud Brownies Recipe

Sep 22, 2018 | Recipes | 2 

These brownies are one of my momma’s favorite desserts! I hadn’t made them in forever, but had a good excuse to make them recently when I had my mom over for a birthday lunch! These aren’t from scratch, but if you’re a mocha lover, then they are sure to please!

 

Base:

Prepare 1 box of brownies as directed for 9×13″ pan

Middle:

4 t. instant coffee, decaf (dissolve in 1 T. hot water)

1 & 1/3 C. milk

1 pkg. small instant vanilla pudding (unprepared)

1 pkg. small chocolate pudding (unprepared)

2 C. cool whip

Candy Topping:

2 Heath bars (chopped into tiny pieces)

 

Prepare brownies as directed. Let brownies cool, then chill in fridge. In bowl, mix instant coffee with hot water. Add milk, unprepared chocolate and vanilla puddings, and cool whip. Spread over chilled brownies. Sprinkle Heath bar pieces over top. Enjoy!

 

 

 

Credit: recipe originally adapted from Pampered Chef

 

81EBB794-5B2F-4851-ADAB-37D64C71739B.jpeg

Posting a screenshot was Jill’s way of promoting this one:

 

This seriously looks like something my German shepherd puked up on the floor.

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