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Jessa, Ben and Their Brood: Making a (Diaper) Mountain out of a Mold House

Chris Knight

By Chris Knight
in Counting On

Scarlett45
Message added by Scarlett45

The Duggars post about politics on social media frequently, but these social media posts are not an invitation to discuss politics here in this forum. This rule extends to Duggar adjacent families, friends, associates etc. Such discussions are a violation of the Politics Policy. 

I understand with recent current events there may be a desire to discuss certain social media postings of those in the Duggar realm as they relate to politics- this is not the place for those discussions. If you believe someone has violated forum rules, report them, do not respond or engage.

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Churchhoney

Churchhoney

(edited)
34 minutes ago, GeeGolly said:

I wouldn't feel too bad for Jessa. The Duggars had Christmas trees on and off through the years. Jessa has had trees in this home as well. And putting the tree up very early and over decorating is trending on SM. I guessing this is just the beginning.

Can't help feeling bad for them. I always feel bad for the Dugg kids, even Josh as a kid!

In this case, I want to think that Jessa's actually feeling something for a change, instead of just following social-media trends. And maybe she is! At least a tiny bit!

And I feel sorry for her kids because I think it's actually a negative for them to have the tree up for months and months. And because, like Jessa and her sibs, they'll grow up with trees like the generic department-store trees that the Duggs had in their big generic cold-as-hell tin bus-station living room! Because JB and M are people with essentially empty souls!

Edited by Churchhoney
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Lady Edith

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IntoTheMystic

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SMama

SMama

What is it with this family and badgering the kids by asking if they are excited? I’ve never had to ask SGirl if she’s excited because it’s obvious. Children like most humans show emotion. Repeatedly asking the same dumb question is annoying and really robs them of the excitement of the moment.

And the whole that’s a girl bike because it’s pink it’s plain stupid. I would have bought him the bike because that is what Henry wanted. SGirl loathes pink and she usually chooses what lame people call “boy” colors. Her toys, her choice.

Were Spurgeon’s shoes on the wrong feet?

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Churchhoney

Churchhoney

(edited)
20 minutes ago, SMama said:

What is it with this family and badgering the kids by asking if they are excited? 

 

I'm sure Jessa learned this from her parents (and her Gothard brainwashing training). 

Really lousy parents tend to constantly solicit positive reinforcement by getting their kids to express all the positive emotions they don't actually feel about how their parents are steering the ship, while also using various ploys and threats so they'll suppress the negative emotions they do feel. 

A time-honored tradition in many dysfunctional families, I think. And it's what Jessa's fantastic, super-great, better-than-anybody's upbringing solely consisted of, most likely. So it's all she knows. 

Edited by Churchhoney
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SMama

SMama

1 minute ago, Totally said:

I refuse to give Jessa money by watching her videos ..but am I correct in reading the above posts that Jessa refused to buy Henry a pink bike 😒

She told Henry it was a girl bike. Henry even tried to ride a second pink bike and was redirected to the gender color appropriate bike. Stupid move since it would have been a nice hand me down for Ivy. 

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Madtown

Madtown

20 minutes ago, Totally said:

I refuse to give Jessa money by watching her videos ..but am I correct in reading the above posts that Jessa refused to buy Henry a pink bike 😒

She also went on and on about how they found the red and black bike after seeing only blue ones. She claimed Henry was so happy with the red and black one because it's what HE wanted...Yeah, ok Jessa...

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CouchTater

CouchTater

11 hours ago, Joan of Argh said:

I've got our main tree up and decorated but I'm not turning on the lights until it's officially November. 🎄 🎅 

Hubby is fine with it because he knows how the whole house has a cheerful feel to it when the main tree is up and I promised I wouldn't put up our other trees ( we always have 3 trees) until mid November.

Covid has been such a strain and it's nice to have something cheerful to look at. 👍 

 

 

I agree, COVID may require some extraordinary measures this holiday season.  Christmas makes me so happy that I think I will decorate this weekend.  If my newly adopted, wild-child cat doesn't tear up and tear down the tree, I may keep it up for a couple of months, lights a-blazin'!  My only roommates are my 2 cats and I don't think they'll mind.

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SMama

SMama

1 hour ago, iwantcookies said:

Jill always asks are you excited? I guess her kids are allowed only 1 emotion.

Jill also asks her kids if they are having fun. On brand for Duggars to be unable to read the room. Worse, unable to read their own children. 

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Churchhoney

Churchhoney

(edited)
3 hours ago, SMama said:

Jill also asks her kids if they are having fun. On brand for Duggars to be unable to read the room. Worse, unable to read their own children. 

These are the kinds of "questions" their parents asked constantly. I'm sure of it. And they were never really intended as questions--but as orders to give a certain answer that would make the parents feel good and portray them in the way they want to be portrayed. As such, those questions are totally engrained in the Duggarlings as being the way you talk to children.

And the questions were heavily loaded when Jessa and Jill and the rest of them heard them (and hear them) over and over and over and over again. I think we can only hope that they aren't quite so heavily loaded for the now-parental Duggarling generation as they were for the Duggar patriarchy founders. That for this generation they're something programmed but possibly not so intensely meant by Jessa, Jill et al as they were by their parents. I think that's the only hope that anyone in Generation Two can slowly, gradually, minimally get past "talking" to their kids without ever actually having a conversation with them. 

Their parents didn't read the room. They provided the script for the room. The actual feelings that might have harbored in that room by their children would never have been anything they bothered to read or been willing to read. Their kids are only allowed to have certain emotions and certain responses. Anything else must be buried. We've seen evidence of that in many situations. 

JB and M asked things specifically for the sole purpose of getting certain answers from their robots. And the kids knew beyond a doubt what answers were required and what answers were forbidden. So speaking to kids in that way is all the Duggarlings have ever known. 

(and how many of them actually have had real conversations with anyone? --- they're extremely isolated still; most people they spend any significant time with are members of their own or very similar cults and churches; and I've heard quite few comments here about what appears to be a major lack of real communication in at least a fair number of the Duggarling marriages. So they have very little experience with any situations in which questions are real, answers can be whatever the responder is thinking and feeling, and actual exchange is expected to take place.)

They were talked to constantly with this kind of "question" as children. And they've hardly ever talked with anybody else. So how would they ever have learned that conversations aren't actually intended to go this way....outside of family gulags like theirs was. 

I would bet my house that neither JB nor M has ever asked a sincere question of any of their kids in their entire lives. They don't have actual conversations. They recite scripts (as we know). And many of those (mainly behind-the-scenes) scripts are "questions" that are simply signals to the kids to give a predetermined response that the parents have programmed into them over years. 

 

Edited by Churchhoney
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SMama

SMama

(edited)
On 10/28/2020 at 3:16 PM, Churchhoney said:

These are the kinds of "questions" their parents asked constantly. I'm sure of it. And they were never really intended as questions--but as orders to give a certain answer that would make the parents feel good and portray them in the way they want to be portrayed. As such, those questions are totally engrained in the Duggarlings as being the way you talk to children.

And the questions were heavily loaded when Jessa and Jill and the rest of them heard them (and hear them) over and over and over and over again. I think we can only hope that they aren't quite so heavily loaded for the now-parental Duggarling generation as they were for the Duggar patriarchy founders. That for this generation they're something programmed but possibly not so intensely meant by Jessa, Jill et al as they were by their parents. I think that's the only hope that anyone in Generation Two can slowly, gradually, minimally get past "talking" to their kids without ever actually having a conversation with them. 

Their parents didn't read the room. They provided the script for the room. The actual feelings that might have harbored in that room by their children would never have been anything they bothered to read or been willing to read. Their kids are only allowed to have certain emotions and certain responses. Anything else must be buried. We've seen evidence of that in many situations. 

JB and M asked things specifically for the sole purpose of getting certain answers from their robots. And the kids knew beyond a doubt what answers were required and what answers were forbidden. So speaking to kids in that way is all the Duggarlings have ever known. 

(and how many of them actually have had real conversations with anyone? --- they're extremely isolated still; most people they spending any significant time with are members of their own or very similar cults and churches; and I've heard quite few comments here about what appears to be a major lack of real communication in at least a fair number of the Duggarling marriages. So they have very little experience with any situations in which questions are real, answers can be whatever the responder is thinking and feeling, and actual exchange is expected to take place.)

They were talked to constantly with this kind of "question" as children. And they've hardly ever talked with anybody else. So how would they ever have learned that conversations aren't actually intended to go this way....outside of family gulags like theirs ways. 

I would bet my house that neither JB nor M has ever asked a sincere question of any of their kids in their entire lives. They don't have actual conversations. They recite scripts (as we know). And many of those (mainly behind-the-scenes) scripts are "questions" that are simply signals to the kids to give a predetermined response that the parents have programmed into them over years. 

 

Do you think Jill’s increased exposure to non Duggars will help her break the cycle? At some point she has to realize the other parents (for example at Izzy’s school) do not constantly ask their kids if they are excited and having fun.

I don’t see Jessa ever wanting to change because she obviously thinks she had the perfect childhood. Perfect parenting is part of that history revision. Makes me sad for the many kids she and Ben will bring into the cult.

Edited by SMama
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Churchhoney

Churchhoney

(edited)
2 hours ago, SMama said:

Do you think Jill’s increased the exposure to non Duggars will help her break the cycle? At some point she has to realize the other parents (for example at Izzy’s school) do not constantly ask their kids if they are excited and having fun.

 

Here's hoping!

She'll catch on to some new habits, I"m sure.

Observing my own family, though, I know that some people develop new habits from seeing what others do and don't do, but don't necessarily catch on to what their engrained habits mean and why they might be damaging. So new habits can sometimes just be kind of superficial add-ons that don't actually change much about relationship dynamics or mean the old habits really end....It's probably a good thing even if you only partly abandon the old habits, though. (I hope so, anyway. lol)...But the depth of change and how long it takes seems to vary a lot from person to person.

Since Jill is getting some therapy, apparently, that can make a difference, too. Hope that it really touches on her relationship with her own kids and on communication vs. fake communication.  I'd think it would.....

Edited by Churchhoney
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libgirl2

libgirl2

6 hours ago, CouchTater said:

I agree, COVID may require some extraordinary measures this holiday season.  Christmas makes me so happy that I think I will decorate this weekend.  If my newly adopted, wild-child cat doesn't tear up and tear down the tree, I may keep it up for a couple of months, lights a-blazin'!  My only roommates are my 2 cats and I don't think they'll mind.

My late cat barely touched my tree. The most he liked to do was lay under it and maybe swat at a low ornament. After he passed two years ago, we adopted a 4 month old black cat. Our first Christmas with him and the tree was "interesting". I knew he would be a problem just with the way he was into everything, so I only decorated it half way up. That didn't stop him. He climbed, he knocked over, he played with the loose ornaments as if they were toys. Last year, we did not put up a tree. This year, we want to try again. Not that he has gotten any less inquisitive and into everything, but my husband is working from home for the foreseeable future and he might be able to keep an eye out on it. 

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MargeGunderson

MargeGunderson

10 minutes ago, libgirl2 said:My late cat barely touched my tree. The most he liked to do was lay under it and maybe swat at a low ornament. After he passed two years ago, we adopted a 4 month old black cat. Our first Christmas with him and the tree was "interesting". I knew he would be a problem just with the way he was into everything, so I only decorated it half way up. That didn't stop him. He climbed, he knocked over, he played with the loose ornaments as if they were toys. Last year, we did not put up a tree. This year, we want to try again. Not that he has gotten any less inquisitive and into everything, but my husband is working from home for the foreseeable future and he might be able to keep an eye out on it. 

I adopted 2 one year old cats In March, so this will be our first Christmas with them. I’m pretty sure they will be a nightmare with the tree! I bought garland made of wood beads and a metal tree topper. For ornaments, I found Christmas card ornaments (made of paper) on Minted that I personalized with pictures of the cats. Even if they climb it (and I know they will try) they can’t break anything.

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libgirl2

libgirl2

1 minute ago, MargeGunderson said:

I adopted 2 one year old cats In March, so this will be our first Christmas with them. I’m pretty sure they will be a nightmare with the tree! I bought garland made of wood beads and a metal tree topper. For ornaments, I found Christmas card ornaments (made of paper) on Minted that I personalized with pictures of the cats. Even if they climb it (and I know they will try) they can’t break anything.

Good luck! I remember a couple of times coming  home and the tree was on its side! And it is an artificial tree. He would pull out branches and take off with them! 

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thehorseofpower

thehorseofpower

I find it interesting that putting up a Christmas tree early is suddenly "a thing" because of Covid. I have been obsessed with Christmas my whole life and have been decorating for it as soon as the last trick or treater is done since I was in college. I now have two full size trees and three other four footers, and every room in my house is theme decorated around a different Christmas carol. I take a few days off of work every year following Halloween and spend all day from dawn to dusk decorating. I look forward to it literally all year long. I admit I couldn't wait this year and put my biggest tree up last weekend. Unlike Jessa's, mine is fully decorated. 😎 Some of us don't need Covid to decorate early, Jessa! I've been doing this for 15+ years and suddenly it's trendy....I feel like I'm in the Twilight Zone where my normal is suddenly cool...and I'm never cool. 🤔

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Nysha

Nysha

On 10/28/2020 at 3:16 PM, Churchhoney said:

These are the kinds of "questions" their parents asked constantly. I'm sure of it. And they were never really intended as questions--but as orders to give a certain answer that would make the parents feel good and portray them in the way they want to be portrayed.

I watch a YouTube channel featuring an extremely fundamental homesteading family and the parents are always asking these types of questions to their children, also. The kids are generally smiling and agreeable until they're asked an open-ended question. Their oldest is 17-18 and he'll give a real answer, but he's rarely filmed anymore, all the younger ones get shy and say "I don't know" if they're not spoon fed the appropriate answer. And, like the Duggarlings they are very, very socially immature.

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CalicoKitty

CalicoKitty

I found some very pretty "cat proof" ornaments on Amazon.  I put those on the bottom of the tree, and my good ones higher up.  So far, no broken expensive ornaments.  The unbreakable ones are very nice, and if they happen to get knocked on the floor they won't break.

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CouchTater

CouchTater

5 hours ago, SMama said:

Ivy is wearing a lumberjack shirt similar to the one Felicity wore when twinning with Jeremy.. 

I assumed Ivy's Chuck's were Lissy's hand-me-downs.  I'm not knocking hand-me-downs.  The shoes just stood out to me as being off-brand for Jessa.

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BigBingerBro

BigBingerBro

(edited)
5 minutes ago, iwantcookies said:

Felicity’s clothes are cute and new. I’m thinking Jinger will be keeping everything now since the second baby is also a girl.

OK, I'm calling it now.  Vuolo baby #2 will be nicknamed HandMEdown

Edited by BigBingerBro
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Jynnan tonnix

Jynnan tonnix

On 10/30/2020 at 3:27 PM, Absolom said:

I think Ivy looks more like Henry than Spurge.  She's a cute little kid at least for the moment.

I think she is looking a whole lot like Jinger. Much more than Jinger's own daughter does. She's starting to grow into her face and is becoming cute. I think Felicity is looking cuter than she ever has as well...she was looking pretty awkward for a while, and I never thought she was that cute as a baby, even.

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Churchhoney

Churchhoney

(edited)
On 11/2/2020 at 1:35 PM, GeeGolly said:

Huh, James Herriot.

Jessa's mentioned a kids' version of a Herriot book before as a family favorite. A Grandpa Mike favorite originally, I guess. Based on his being a former Vision Forum-ite, and on the style of his old blog posts, I expect he fancies himself a representative of a much more cultured and worldly-but-still-fundiecratic brand of correct-Jesusing than the Duggs represent. 

I found it a bit odd that somebody who saw himself in that way would be so hot to get his kid placed in Duggardom. But I suppose the prospect of fame and alleged money may increase the idiocy of us all. 

Edited by Churchhoney
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