Small Talk: The Prayer Closet

[rue721]

@skatelady that walking story is beautiful! I hope to do something like that someday.

Do you feel like it changed your perspective? I ask because Cheryl Strayed made it sound like her trek in Wild changed her perspective a lot!

[zoomama]

15 hours ago, latetotheparty said:

@zoomama I’ve worked 19 years in ENT. Parotid masses are very common and, from what I’ve seen, mostly benign. Crossing fingers for you. 

oh thank goodness!!!   i am so not looking forward to that scope that they told me they do in office with a nasal spray anesthetic.  i have a few questions...you can pm me the answers if you want so we dont bore everyone. so can this mass be seen from the nasal endocsopy? can a biopsy be taken at that time? does choking or swallowing wrong go along with this? can i expect a 'diagnosis' by this visit or is more testing necessary? you can imagine where my brain has been all these weeks. 

Edited August 22, 2020 by zoomama
spelling

[Oldernowiser]

Zoomama, big hug. It may be different for this test but usually the person who administers the test is not qualified or allowed to analyze the results or talk about them with the patient. Sometimes you can tell from how they act. I’ve been able to get information sometimes by asking, “I understand that officially you can’t tell me, but how worried should I be?”

For your other questions, call the office up and ask them. They want you calm and as comfortable as possible, so they should be happy to tell you what you can expect.

Deep breaths, sweetie. Have another hug.

[Absolom]

13 hours ago, Happyfatchick said:

which none of you (hopefully) saw in real life, and which reinforces the theory I shouldn’t be a dog owner.  I would DEFINITELY have given that dog a treat, and even been a little bit impressed that she played me. 

Yeah, reward the doggie intelligence.  My mom's dog who lives with me does the same.  If he's still a little hungry after breakfast he'll "need" to go out and then beg for a treat for going outside.  He can run that rig up to three times a day and I'll play along.

[lookeyloo]

5 hours ago, CouchTater said:

This reminds me.  We were talking about Choco Tacos here a couple of weeks ago, I think.  I tried them, and they were too sweet for me!  I typically have a 3-element max for my desserts.  The choco tacos have 4:  the cone, ice cream, nuts and chocolate.  The chocolate put it over the sweetness top, at least for me.  The bites that didn't have chocolate were delicious, though!

I got the chocotacos too. They aren’t too sweet but one is too much. So I cut them in half. Also I don’t like the “taco” part as much because it isn’t crisp. I think this will be the only box

 

[Absolom]

5 hours ago, CouchTater said:

This reminds me.  We were talking about Choco Tacos here a couple of weeks ago, I think.  I tried them, and they were too sweet for me!  I typically have a 3-element max for my desserts.  The choco tacos have 4:  the cone, ice cream, nuts and chocolate.  The chocolate put it over the sweetness top, at least for me.  The bites that didn't have chocolate were delicious, though!

Choco Tacos used to be a once or twice a year treat for me.  The peanuts put them over the edge for my digestive sytem these days.  I remember them fondly though and smiled when they were brought up in the thread.  Enjoy these treats while you can as with age many of them will have to be given up.  

[Love2dance]

Haven’t had a Choco Taco for a very long time, but now I want one!

And the nuts make it healthy, right? 😉

[skatelady]

5 hours ago, rue721 said:

@skatelady that walking story is beautiful! I hope to do something like that someday.

Do you feel like it changed your perspective? I ask because Cheryl Strayed made it sound like her trek in Wild changed her perspective a lot!

Cheryl Strayed's experience was much more intense because of her isolation and lack of money; she really really had to be self-sufficient, whereas I always had the option of getting picked up. So, her experience was probably more "religious" than mine - but the concept was similar. I was feeling VERY anxious and out-of-sorts, and the adventure really perked me up. I hate to say it, but it was GREAT to get away from my husband... WAY too much togetherness. (And we've been married for 39 years, together for 43).

It felt good to discover that I COULD do it, and therefore it would be an outlet for me for the inevitable upcoming year of isolation. Subsequently I did two more (shorter) trips (both aborted due to circumstances unrelated to me, stories in themselves) and I have another planned for when the weather cools off. I also walk (a lot) daily now - and it really helps. So, a perspective change in that it diminished that feeling of being trapped. Which was the intent. And also why I posted about it here - seems like a lot of you feel similarly. And walking is so EASY. (So if any of you snarkers live in the Hudson Valley.... hit me up!)

The only drawback: getting caught up on the snark after a long absence!

 

[jcbrown]

9 hours ago, zoomama said:

oh thank goodness!!!   i am so not looking forward to that scope that they told me they do in office with a nasal spray anesthetic.  i have a few questions...you can pm me the answers if you want so we dont bore everyone. so can this mass be seen from the nasal endocsopy? can a biopsy be taken at that time? does choking or swallowing wrong go along with this? can i expect a 'diagnosis' by this visit or is more testing necessary? you can imagine where my brain has been all these weeks. 

I've had that test and was anxious about it because my gag reflex is CRAZY but it is not bad at all. Just try to relax and not think about how weird it is. And when I've had it, it was administered by an ENT. Hoping you get some answers.

I appreciate all the Choco-taco talk because I have never had one and have been on a quest since they came up in whatever thread that was. How do they compare to Drumsticks, any opinions? Cause I used to like those, even though I have not had any for decades.

[Westiepeach]

18 hours ago, jcbrown said:

I appreciate all the Choco-taco talk because I have never had one and have been on a quest since they came up in whatever thread that was. How do they compare to Drumsticks, any opinions? Cause I used to like those, even though I have not had any for decades.

I had my first Choco Taco tonight. I loved it! And yes, it tasted exactly (at least to me) like a Drumstick. Husband called it a “roadkill Drumstick.”) I would definitely go back for more!

Edited August 23, 2020 by Westiepeach

[GeeGolly]

23 minutes ago, Westiepeach said:

I had my first Choco Taco tonight. I loved it! And yes, it tasted exactly (at least to me) like a Drumstick. Husband called it a “roadkill Drumstick.) I would definitely go back for more!

I agree, very much like a road kill Drumstick. And because its shaped like a taco you get cone and ice cream in every bite.

[jcbrown]

54 minutes ago, GeeGolly said:

I agree, very much like a road kill Drumstick. And because its shaped like a taco you get cone and ice cream in every bite.

Thanks, @Westiepeach and @GeeGolly. It seems my quest for Choco-tacos continues...

[awaken]

22 hours ago, Oldernowiser said:

You know, living with another human being, no matter how much you love and respect them, can be just hard, especially over the course of a lifetime. People change, especially as they age. People go through dark times, when they become unreachable. People go through life crap and discover their coping mechanisms are completely opposite. All of these things become more obvious when a couple goes through big life role changes (having children, raising children, changing jobs, locations or careers, caring for older family members, changing physically, becoming ill, retiring, income changes, etcetera etcetera etcetera.)

Add forced 24/7 togetherness with few outside activities due to Covid-19 for going on six months? It’s all exacerbated. Especially when two people have strong needs for alone time or are extroverts who desperately need outside activities.

What I’m trying to say is that these are unprecedented times. It’s no wonder many of us are struggling not only as individuals but also as parties to other relationships.
Maybe we just try to be kind to ourselves and recognize that some MAJOR shit is going down and that we’re all doing what we can to get by? 

Group hug?

 

 

 

That’s such a spot on synopsis of how I, and many others are feeling right now!  Bored, overwhelmed, anxious, lonely, yet tired of being with the same 3 people constantly, all at the same time. 

[magpye29]

@Jynnan tonnix, I am 99% certain you don't need a referral to see a therapist with Tricare, but you DO have to make sure the provider accepts it, because if you're not near a military base, it can be hard to find one that does. Also, I think there's a difference about seeing a psychologist vs. a psychiatrist, but it's been a couple of years since I went, so I'm not certain about that. I saw a therapist when my husband dumped me five years ago. I'm considering going back again because I'm having some issues with my daughter (who believes her father pooped the moon into the sky just for her), but I can't talk about those issues yet because I made a promise to keep a secret.

I feel like such a toddler because I resent hearing about my husband's wonderful life since he left me--he rents a house on the beach, bought a kayak, has all brand-new furniture and a new car, and has a pet bird. My daughter and her husband have dinner with him at least once a week, but it can be weeks with no contact from her for me (unless I reach out to her), and it really hurts my heart. They're all living their best lives without me and I'm living in a house filled with thrift shop furniture (because my husband wouldn't let me bring most of our stuff from Georgia when we came back here) and driving a 15-year-old minivan 9but at least it's paid for!). Why aren't we divorced? I haven't pushed for it because he's very prompt with my support checks twice a month, and I could not make it on my own. I start the second half of my masters program this week, and if I can get a teaching job next year, my situation should be a lot better. Plus I'm doing my degree pay-as-you-go, so at least I won't have ant student loan debt when I'm done.

Welcome to the newcomers. This is a wonderful community, and people take very good care of each other here.

@Happyfatchick, so nice to see you posting again!

@Churchhoney, I really appreciate the amount of thought you put into your posts--I find them ver informative and feel like I always learn something new.

Everyone else, you rock!

Edited August 23, 2020 by magpye29
I wouldn't hate a 5-year-old minivan.

[Oldernowiser]

@Happyfatchick, thinking about you today and hoping you’re okay.

[Happyfatchick]

I am so out of touch.  I don’t know how to send someone a pm.  We can still do that, yes?  

Also, when I just said I wanted to post something, GeeGolly’s last post came up in a quote box because I accidentally (I think) hit respond when I really wanted to like it.  I could NOT get that off.  How do you delete something you accidentally have in your post?  Like a quote.  I’ve wanted to quote multiples before and then said everything I needed to before I got to the last one - and then couldn’t get it off the page.  I have a pretty strong suspicion Galaxy Chaser is younger than the bulk of us.  Tell me, little Obi Wan in Training GC, how do we make these things happen??

[Scarlett45]

13 minutes ago, Happyfatchick said:

I am so out of touch.  I don’t know how to send someone a pm.  We can still do that, yes?  

Also, when I just said I wanted to post something, GeeGolly’s last post came up in a quote box because I accidentally (I think) hit respond when I really wanted to like it.  I could NOT get that off.  How do you delete something you accidentally have in your post?  Like a quote.  I’ve wanted to quote multiples before and then said everything I needed to before I got to the last one - and then couldn’t get it off the page.  I have a pretty strong suspicion Galaxy Chaser is younger than the bulk of us.  Tell me, little Obi Wan in Training GC, how do we make these things happen??

I have that problem sometimes on my phone but never on a browser. I will go out of the post, clear editor and start again. 

[Happyfatchick]

Just now, Happyfatchick said:

I am so out of touch.  I don’t know how to send someone a pm.  We can still do that, yes?  

Also, when I just said I wanted to post something, GeeGolly’s last post came up in a quote box because I accidentally (I think) hit respond when I really wanted to like it.  I could NOT get that off.  How do you delete something you accidentally have in your post?  Like a quote.  I’ve wanted to quote multiples before and then said everything I needed to before I got to the last one - and then couldn’t get it off the page.  I have a pretty strong suspicion Galaxy Chaser is younger than the bulk of us.  Tell me, little Obi Wan in Training GC, how do we make these things happen??

Look.  Now it’s in a box.  Grrrrr!!!!

i feel like I need to say that you all were such great support the last couple days, as you always are - as we are with each other.  Thank you so much for the warm words and hugs for me about Rocky.   In Georgia, we call them “mah dawg”.  We like the possessives.  Mah house, mah truck, mah kids, mah dawg.  It was ugly and I don’t mean a little bit.  It is HORRIFIC the sense of betrayal and abandonment.  I know it’s not.  Clearly not.  It’s just so DAMN hard.  My husband cried like a 2nd grader.  It was ugly.  

so this is what I said (and I mean, I RODE to the vet laying in back of the car with him, laid on the floor with him in the vets office, I said A LOT to mah dawg today).  I love mah dawg.  Anyway, we lost the boxer maybe 1 1/2 yrs ago - and when vet said “this is the last shot”, I said “you see Sophie???  Go get Sophie!!  Where is she?? Go get Sophie!!”  

[Oldernowiser]

Oh, sweetie. For what it’s worth, having been there so many times, with my own pets and as a vet tech, I do believe they experience death as a release. They don’t fear it or complicate it the way humans do. To them, it’s as natural and expected as the seasons. We’re the ones who hate and fight it.

My last time was my loving, beautiful, funny, insane, anti-social, brilliant, stranger-hating Aussie girl. She was only nine but her intestines had stopped functioning...and she was slowly starving. There were no answers...and no miracles to be found. When I finally let her go, I was leaning over her...and I felt a palpable sensation of warmth and relief rise up from her as she crossed over. I am in no way a spiritual person...but she was my girl and I do believe she was letting me know she was relieved to go. I can’t explain it, but it was real.

I send you whatever comfort can be found...and my heartfelt sympathy.

 

[magpye29]

My dog Kirby was 16 when she died.  She had been failing, and one morning I woke up and she just didn't seem to know what to do with herself, kept falling down, etc. My husband came over and we took her to the vet, but we stopped at the school where my daughter worked so she could say goodbye to Kirby.  When we got to the vet, the vet said Kirby's cancer had come back and gave us a moment to talk about what to do.  I really wanted to believe that she could make it, but I asked her to give me a sign that she was ready to go, and she immediately got up and walked right up to the door to outside and just stood there, not dancing like she usually did, just staring at that door as hard as she could. So we held her and loved on her and she went very peacefully with just the smallest of doggie sighs. My husband paid for me to get a framed plaster cast of her pawprint, and I asked them to make it from her paw where she'd had a toe amputated from cancer, because that was uniquely hers and I would know it was actually her print. She was the best dog--she loved pizza, and after my husband left, I can't tell you how many pizzas we shared. She loved pepperoni. but our shared favorite was scallop and bacon pizza.  It's been four years and I still miss her every day.

[Ijustwantsomechips]

Big hugs to you @Happyfatchick. I can’t even imagine what you’re going through.

Well I went to see the baby today. She is tiny and adorable, absolutely adorable, but I couldn’t bring myself to hold her. And of course my annoying ass mom asked me if I wanted to hold her, and the I had to say no in front of everyone.  I know she was just doing what she normally does, but she should have known when I didn’t try to hold her first. I wasn’t trying to insult my cousin, but I refuse to hold another baby that isn’t my own no matter how selfish and ridiculous it sounds.  

Then my uber-annoying sister asked me if I wanted to hold her grandson. Um no. Did you see me ask for him?  I could have kicked her in her crotch when she asked me that.  It’s bad enough I had to sit through everyone’s birth stories.  It made me realize that I’m the only person in the house that has nothing to add to the conversation, and the older I get the less I have in common with women since most women I know have children.

But I made it through the evening and enjoyed myself otherwise.  Then I came home and took a shower and balled my eyes out.  And since no one will bother to attempt an iota of understanding for what I’m going through, the shower is the safest place to cry. I am making my peace with the situation though. Once I lose these twenty-five pounds I’ll be in great shape after this hysterectomy. I have to remind myself that it could be worse, so much worse.

Edited August 23, 2020 by Ijustwantsomechips

[Hangin Out]

23 hours ago, CouchTater said:

 

On 8/21/2020 at 8:51 PM, latetotheparty said:

I was really surprised because it takes A LOT for me to not like an ice cream. I’m an ice cream maniac. I have some special dark Hershey sauce and I’m thinking I could put some on the leftovers, might cut the sweet a bit.

Ice cream .. I could take it or leave it.  Mostly leave it, but this week I made an ice cream float.  In a fancy glass, I put two scoops of vanilla bean ice cream and then filled it up with orange crush soda.  Wow!  I’ve had five this week already.  I have to stop.  They were too good, dammit.

 

[Hangin Out]

6 hours ago, Ijustwantsomechips said:

Big hugs to you @Happyfatchick. I can’t even imagine what you’re going through.

Well I went to see the baby today. She is tiny and adorable, absolutely adorable, but I couldn’t bring myself to hold her. And of course my annoying ass mom asked me if I wanted to hold her, and the I had to say no in front of everyone.  I know she was just doing what she normally does, but she should have known when I didn’t try to hold her first. I wasn’t trying to insult my cousin, but I refuse to hold another baby that isn’t my own no matter how selfish and ridiculous it sounds.  

Then my uber-annoying sister asked me if I wanted to hold her grandson. Um no. Did you see me ask for him?  I could have kicked her in her crotch when she asked me that.  It’s bad enough I had to sit through everyone’s birth stories.  It made me realize that I’m the only person in the house that has nothing to add to the conversation, and the older I get the less I have in common with women since most women I know have children.

But I made it through the evening and enjoyed myself otherwise.  Then I came home and took a shower and balled my eyes out.  And since no one will bother to attempt an iota of understanding for what I’m going through, the shower is the safest place to cry. I am making my peace with the situation though. Once I lose these twenty-five pounds I’ll be in great shape after this hysterectomy. I have to remind myself that it could be worse, so much worse.

Oh Geeze.  There are so many things I’d like to say, but it’s not my business.  Only that you are still young and wonderful things still can happen for you around the corner when you least expect it.  ❤️

[jjane]

Hi  Guys,

I think I've just about hit the wall.

I've been away since June when my niece took off with her daughter, for those of you who are familiar with the story. I thought getting the big deal lawyer would be a slam dunk as far as getting the  poor child to safety but with the Covid crisis DCFS is working from home with very little support and has no way of finding her. I left money in her minor's account and it has been emptied but the bank says they don't know what location they took it out from. I find this hard to believe. Unless my niece does something that triggers a warrant the police aren't going to look for her. The lawyer is trying to work through channels by talking to the head of DCFS but if they gave her back when we had proof of abuse, they aren't going to do it when we don't even know where they are. Yesterday I got a fraud alert from the bank about charges coming through on the bank account but the company the stuff was ordered from won't tell me where it is to go to. Knowing my sister, the niece's mother, it is probably going to her house to be forwarded. She refuses to admit her daughter is an abuser and I am convinced she knows where they are. A week or so ago the nephew who owns the trailer they were living in sent me letters from the D A's in two surrounding parishes about the false charges the niece had her daughter arrested on. I sent them to the lawyer and he has talked to both of  them and wants me to arrange to see them in person to apprise them of the situation and tell them everything I know about the situation. I am afraid the well has been so poisoned by the niece about both the daughter and myself as a proactive measure for herself that there is not much I can do.  I'll try, though. 

It's so frustrating and discouraging that it is so hard to protect children when it is the parents that are responsible for abuse, particularly when it is so well documented. At this point, I don't even know if the child is alive. The fact that someone is taking money out of the bank account doesn't mean it isn't just the niece doing it. My lovely neighbor next door, who is in our quarantine bubble, says all in God's time, but we all know God doesn't prevent every bad thing from happening. I think we have a responsibility to keep things from happening if we can, and I've been trying for a long time. I just don't know how much more I can do or stand.

Anyway, thanks for reading. Much love and virtual hugs to the lovely people in my safe space.

Janet

[Scarlett45]

9 hours ago, Happyfatchick said:

Look.  Now it’s in a box.  Grrrrr!!!!

i feel like I need to say that you all were such great support the last couple days, as you always are - as we are with each other.  Thank you so much for the warm words and hugs for me about Rocky.   In Georgia, we call them “mah dawg”.  We like the possessives.  Mah house, mah truck, mah kids, mah dawg.  It was ugly and I don’t mean a little bit.  It is HORRIFIC the sense of betrayal and abandonment.  I know it’s not.  Clearly not.  It’s just so DAMN hard.  My husband cried like a 2nd grader.  It was ugly.  

so this is what I said (and I mean, I RODE to the vet laying in back of the car with him, laid on the floor with him in the vets office, I said A LOT to mah dawg today).  I love mah dawg.  Anyway, we lost the boxer maybe 1 1/2 yrs ago - and when vet said “this is the last shot”, I said “you see Sophie???  Go get Sophie!!  Where is she?? Go get Sophie!!”  

I’m so sorry for the loss of your dog @Happyfatchick. I lost my feline boy Charlie (15yrs) right before Covid-19 lockdown (thought he was acting funny Friday, vet handed me a tissue box at the Appt Sunday and he died in his sleep Sunday night), and June 26 I put my beloved Mr Norris to sleep after 20yrs of life. In three months I lost two cats (I still have Blake), among Covid-19, and work from home. The house felt so empty. Our pets are such wonderful companions. Everyone here was so supportive. I’m adjusting to being a cat mom of 1- I have so much litter it’s ridiculous. 

[lookeyloo]

53 minutes ago, jjane said:

Hi  Guys,

I think I've just about hit the wall.

I've been away since June when my niece took off with her daughter, for those of you who are familiar with the story. I thought getting the big deal lawyer would be a slam dunk as far as getting the  poor child to safety but with the Covid crisis DCFS is working from home with very little support and has no way of finding her. I left money in her minor's account and it has been emptied but the bank says they don't know what location they took it out from. I find this hard to believe. Unless my niece does something that triggers a warrant the police aren't going to look for her. The lawyer is trying to work through channels by talking to the head of DCFS but if they gave her back when we had proof of abuse, they aren't going to do it when we don't even know where they are. Yesterday I got a fraud alert from the bank about charges coming through on the bank account but the company the stuff was ordered from won't tell me where it is to go to. Knowing my sister, the niece's mother, it is probably going to her house to be forwarded. She refuses to admit her daughter is an abuser and I am convinced she knows where they are. A week or so ago the nephew who owns the trailer they were living in sent me letters from the D A's in two surrounding parishes about the false charges the niece had her daughter arrested on. I sent them to the lawyer and he has talked to both of  them and wants me to arrange to see them in person to apprise them of the situation and tell them everything I know about the situation. I am afraid the well has been so poisoned by the niece about both the daughter and myself as a proactive measure for herself that there is not much I can do.  I'll try, though. 

It's so frustrating and discouraging that it is so hard to protect children when it is the parents that are responsible for abuse, particularly when it is so well documented. At this point, I don't even know if the child is alive. The fact that someone is taking money out of the bank account doesn't mean it isn't just the niece doing it. My lovely neighbor next door, who is in our quarantine bubble, says all in God's time, but we all know God doesn't prevent every bad thing from happening. I think we have a responsibility to keep things from happening if we can, and I've been trying for a long time. I just don't know how much more I can do or stand.

Anyway, thanks for reading. Much love and virtual hugs to the lovely people in my safe space.

Janet

Oh dear, this must be the most maddening, frustrating, scary thing to have to go through.  Both for you and that poor child.  I'm really hoping something turns around in your favor.

[Scarlett45]

 And that place is sort of permissive compared to the more fundie places. Pensacola Christian College has separate elevators and stairwells, so boys and girls don't comingle. I'm sure the Duggars would have felt right at home shouting Nike on that campus.

 

i brought over @Zella’s post from the Joe & Kendra thread. Cause I was bored I read the Pensacola Christian College handbook and by god the code of conduct was worse than I thought! These people tell you what kind of music you’re allowed to have in your private possession and that you’re not allowed to watch movies with a rating higher than PG. along with what time you’re allowed to wear denim. Like wut. 

[Zella]

25 minutes ago, Scarlett45 said:

 

 

i brought over @Zella’s post from the Joe & Kendra thread. Cause I was bored I read the Pensacola Christian College handbook and by god the code of conduct was worse than I thought! These people tell you what kind of music you’re allowed to have in your private possession and that you’re not allowed to watch movies with a rating higher than PG. along with what time you’re allowed to wear denim. Like wut. 

Yes they are insane and perhaps the worst control freaks I've ever heard of. Any time I read about them, I discover a new rule that is just absolutely demented. 

[Ijustwantsomechips]

2 hours ago, Silver Bells said:

Oh Geeze.  There are so many things I’d like to say, but it’s not my business.  Only that you are still young and wonderful things still can happen for you around the corner when you least expect it.  ❤️

Thanks @Silver Bells. Feel free to PM of you want. I love to chat.

[zoomama]

11 hours ago, Happyfatchick said:

I am so out of touch.  I don’t know how to send someone a pm.  We can still do that, yes?  

Also, when I just said I wanted to post something, GeeGolly’s last post came up in a quote box because I accidentally (I think) hit respond when I really wanted to like it.  I could NOT get that off.  How do you delete something you accidentally have in your post?  Like a quote.  I’ve wanted to quote multiples before and then said everything I needed to before I got to the last one - and then couldn’t get it off the page.  I have a pretty strong suspicion Galaxy Chaser is younger than the bulk of us.  Tell me, little Obi Wan in Training GC, how do we make these things happen??

hey HFC, its not hard. just go to the envelope up on the top right of our page.  it will open and you can write your PM there.   the quote box thing, got no idea!

[frenchtoast]

3 hours ago, jjane said:

Hi  Guys,

I think I've just about hit the wall.

I've been away since June when my niece took off with her daughter, for those of you who are familiar with the story. I thought getting the big deal lawyer would be a slam dunk as far as getting the  poor child to safety but with the Covid crisis DCFS is working from home with very little support and has no way of finding her. I left money in her minor's account and it has been emptied but the bank says they don't know what location they took it out from. I find this hard to believe. Unless my niece does something that triggers a warrant the police aren't going to look for her. The lawyer is trying to work through channels by talking to the head of DCFS but if they gave her back when we had proof of abuse, they aren't going to do it when we don't even know where they are. Yesterday I got a fraud alert from the bank about charges coming through on the bank account but the company the stuff was ordered from won't tell me where it is to go to. Knowing my sister, the niece's mother, it is probably going to her house to be forwarded. She refuses to admit her daughter is an abuser and I am convinced she knows where they are. A week or so ago the nephew who owns the trailer they were living in sent me letters from the D A's in two surrounding parishes about the false charges the niece had her daughter arrested on. I sent them to the lawyer and he has talked to both of  them and wants me to arrange to see them in person to apprise them of the situation and tell them everything I know about the situation. I am afraid the well has been so poisoned by the niece about both the daughter and myself as a proactive measure for herself that there is not much I can do.  I'll try, though. 

It's so frustrating and discouraging that it is so hard to protect children when it is the parents that are responsible for abuse, particularly when it is so well documented. At this point, I don't even know if the child is alive. The fact that someone is taking money out of the bank account doesn't mean it isn't just the niece doing it. My lovely neighbor next door, who is in our quarantine bubble, says all in God's time, but we all know God doesn't prevent every bad thing from happening. I think we have a responsibility to keep things from happening if we can, and I've been trying for a long time. I just don't know how much more I can do or stand.

Anyway, thanks for reading. Much love and virtual hugs to the lovely people in my safe space.

Janet

I thought your niece was your husband's niece? When the whole car thing was going down, I seem to remember it was your husband's niece. I don't know if it was mentioned during the Disney trip debacle, but I remember thinking you were doing a lot for someone your husband had washed his hands of. This may seem harsh, but I remember when this forum had someone come on whose story about a baby and eventually cheating husband kept getting worse and worse.

[Minivanessa]

@jjane, I can't imagine how hard it is for you to deal with your niece and continue to do everything you can, to protect her daughter. Your efforts are seriously, truly, heroic. It's awful how this pandemic has crippled so many of the agencies who are supposed to be keeping children and others safe, and enabled the cons and grifters and abusers to have more freedom to hurt others. 

@Happyfatchick, bless you and your dawg. I said goodbye to my heart dog last November and was a sobbing emotional mess for weeks. 

@Ijustwantsomechips, I have no words of wisdom but here's a virtual hug or two. 

Okay, folks, I went camping. HFC could tell this story better, I'm sure, but here goes. This was my maiden voyage/trial run of camping in the old minivan I bought a couple of months ago. I booked two nights at a campsite at a state park about 4 hours east of here. (I'm in Colorado.) Since we have four wildfires - BIG wildfires - burning in the West/Northwest parts of the state, I figured that by heading east I'd at least get some relief from the hazy smoky skies here in the Denver area.

Wrong. The haze was still strong, even as far east as the Kansas border and probably beyond. The sun, when it popped above the horizon at the campground yesterday morning, was a spooky bright red ball. You could look at it without hurting your eyes. Right at the sun! Wow.

So, I found my campsite, it was nice with a shade tree and the amenities as expected. I met the nice couple camped in the next spot to mine, and their dog. Pulled out my folding COMFY chair (I did not skimp on this purchase, those flimsy cheap folding "camp" chairs are torture to my fat old butt), got a cold drink and a book and thought I'd just sit in the shade. 

Wrong. It was just too damned HOT despite a bit of a breeze off the lake. I finally popped back into the van and drove into town, got something to eat, and meandered around the countryside for awhile. Then as dusk approached, went back to the campsite.

I got back to the site as things were cooling down. More people and RVs and tents were in evidence since mid-afternoon. I fiddled with the van gear, got the cot in the van ready for sleeping, did my best with the privacy shades on the windows. Put up my handy new sunroof bug screen, so I could sleep with the sunroof open for air circulation. Used the camp bathroom to get "ready" for bed including changing into the t-shirt and shorts I'd sleep in which are also presentable outdoor wear. As night fell I settled into the minivan for my first night to sleep in it, out in the great outdoors. Had a fan going inside the van with some windows cracked and the sunroof open, to take advantage of the cool Colorado nights that follow even high-90's days. It was gonna be great.

Wrong. Where to begin? Okay, first with me. User error. Somehow the cot with bedding/cushioning that had slept me perfectly in some test nights at home? Felt tilty and uncomfortable in the van. FINALLY after a couple of toss-and-turn hours, I figured it out. I'd slid a couple of plastic crates for stuff under the cot, where they fit just fine. BUT when I lay down on the spring-loaded cots, the cot surface pushed down onto the boxes. I had enough padding on top that I didn't realize for awhile that the perceived "slope" I was fighting was caused by the boxes. Oops.

Then, things beyond my control: neighbors (not the nice couple) who kept a big fire going in their site firepit until the wee hours, with them all gathered around it. The van kept a lot of noise out, but not the smoke. It was dispersed but they were close enough that everything in the van smelled like smoke the next morning and my eyes were RED when I got up. The nice couple had it worse than me; they were in a tent and closer to the Bad Neighbors. (The sites are arranged in kind of a semicircle; the nice couple were on my right and the Bad folks were in front of me.)

So yesterday morning I woke up with red swollen eyes, and beheld the post-apocalyptic sunrise. I made my coffee and spoke with the nice neighbors. I decided that I'd not stay that night and just eat the rather small fee. Main reasons: (1) it was going to be a broiling hot day so outdoor activities would be undesirable for me. (2) The atmosphere was hazy from the wildfire smoke and also not conducive to outdoor activities. (3) I could. not. stand another night in the van fighting for sleep while the bad neighbors kept their fire going till lord knows when. 

I got cleaned up and left. I did explore some places in the area that I'd never been before. Including the haunting site of the WWII Granada Relocation Center , commonly called Camp Amache, just outside Granada, Colorado, now a national historic landmark. Not ha-ha fun, but meaningful and I'm glad I went. I've read about the WWII roundups of Americans of Japanese descent and their internment in "relocation centers," and also about Colorado's then-governor Ralph Carr, who refused to join prevailing anti-Japanese hysteria. As the NPS page I linked said: "Governor Ralph L. Carr of Colorado had been the only western governor to welcome evacuees in his state, volunteering Colorado for a relocation center and urging acceptance and understanding for Japanese Americans." His stand against the raging hatred ended his political career. 

Oh Lord. I wrote a book. Or at least a booklet. Carry on. Thanks if you read this far, lol!!! I'm safe at home with still-swollen eyes but happy to have slept in my own bed without campfire smoke last night. 

[Oldernowiser]

11 hours ago, Ijustwantsomechips said:

Well I went to see the baby today. She is tiny and adorable, absolutely adorable, but I couldn’t bring myself to hold her. And of course my annoying ass mom asked me if I wanted to hold her, and the I had to say no in front of everyone.  I know she was just doing what she normally does, but she should have known when I didn’t try to hold her first. I wasn’t trying to insult my cousin, but I refuse to hold another baby that isn’t my own no matter how selfish and ridiculous it sounds.  

Okay, now I want to fly there and kick some ass. Tell them they’re lucky we’re in a pandemic because a certain gray-haired old lady would otherwise like a word.

You know them and I don’t...but what if you called them out on this crap? “I’m very happy for all of you. But you need to understand what I go through...what if the single thing you wanted most in the world was to have a baby? And what if you couldn’t? How would you feel right now?”

It seems like their reaction would tell you everything you need to know. If they can’t empathize and be kind in response to that truth, they can collectively eat a shit sandwich and you now know what they are. And standing up for yourself instead of burying your completely valid feelings can sometimes really help.

I’m sorry, sweetie.

[Absolom]

13 hours ago, Happyfatchick said:

Look.  Now it’s in a box.  Grrrrr!!!!

Backspace is your friend.  Most of the time if you put your cursor after whatever you want gone and backspace it will go away.  You can also try highlighting and delete.  These work on laptops and pad.  I'm rarely posting from a phone, but I think it works there.

[PikaScrewChu]

On 8/22/2020 at 1:03 AM, Oldernowiser said:

You know, living with another human being, no matter how much you love and respect them, can be just hard, especially over the course of a lifetime. People change, especially as they age. People go through dark times, when they become unreachable. People go through life crap and discover their coping mechanisms are completely opposite. All of these things become more obvious when a couple goes through big life role changes (having children, raising children, changing jobs, locations or careers, caring for older family members, changing physically, becoming ill, retiring, income changes, etcetera etcetera etcetera.)

Add forced 24/7 togetherness with few outside activities due to Covid-19 for going on six months? It’s all exacerbated. Especially when two people have strong needs for alone time or are extroverts who desperately need outside activities.

What I’m trying to say is that these are unprecedented times. It’s no wonder many of us are struggling not only as individuals but also as parties to other relationships.
Maybe we just try to be kind to ourselves and recognize that some MAJOR shit is going down and that we’re all doing what we can to get by? 

Group hug?

 

 

 

A couple I know broke up last week after nearly 16 years together. They were 15 when they got together. Apparently it was coming but it was quite a bit of a shock to the outer circles. I remember someone saying to me when I was bawling back in June that couple were an oddity in first loves staying together forever. 

I know they were holding off on getting married from observing the people around them who got married young but looks like there were more problems underneath the surface than anyone knew. Especially since both have flat out stated that they will not even consider getting back together with the other one. 

[Minivanessa]

@Happyfatchick, I've been able to get rid of "quote" boxes while composing a post this way. I do this on my laptop, haven't tried it on a phone.  I've learned that you can delete all the text in a quote box, but the box still remains. Argh.

To get rid of the box, hover your cursor over the top left area of the gray box (in this case a quote box), and a little icon that looks like a square with a + sign inside will appear. While I have selected that little icon with my cursor, I hit "delete" or "backspace," and the box disappears. Here's a screenshot showing the little square icon: 

Edited August 23, 2020 by Jeeves
"icon" is a helpful word

[emma675]

54 minutes ago, frenchtoast said:

This may seem harsh, but I remember when this forum had someone come on whose story about a baby and eventually cheating husband kept getting worse and worse.

frenchtoast, that was wanderwoman and it was all a fraud.

[Scarlett45]

@Ijustwantsomechips you are under no obligation to hold anyone else’s baby. You are not a pediatric nurse, pediatrician or nanny- the only people with a moral obligation to hold anyone else’s baby. If you were a man they wouldn’t dare say this type of stuff to you. Makes me mad. So sexist. 

[Love2dance]

I wish we had an “l care” emoji. Sometimes “like“ or “love” doesn’t quite say it. Especially in the small talk forum.

[marypat57]

I am bringing this over from the Jill thread.  I taught in an inner city, large urban area school for over 27 years. I used to purchase most of my classroom supplies out of my own pocket.  We did get a small reimbursement, but not until the winter.

Since I taught kindergarten, I would buy the giant size box of the fat Crayola crayons (50 each of the 8 basic colors), the large Ticonderoga pencils (without erasers-  I always told them it was ok to make mistakes), scissors and glue to use in the classroom.  I also bought the plastic folders in Walmart for their work and recycled them from one year to the next.  Depending on the sales on notebooks in Staples or Office Max/Depot, I was even able to supply those, too.  It just made my life in the classroom easier if everyone had the same supplies.  I even put a small band of colored duct tape around the top of the pencil, that corresponded to the color table it belonged to.  No one fought over pencils or crayons.  
 

When I sent home my beginning of the year letter, I said that the children would need crayons, pencils, glue and scissors to keep at home for their homework.  I would ask them to bring in tissues, baby wipes or Clorox/Lysol wipes and contribute a few dollars towards the Time for Kids subscription.  I don’t think I ever had a parent complain about it during all that time.

To all the teachers—those in a classroom, those teaching remotely, and those parents educating their children at home, I wish all of you a happy, and most of all, healthy and safe school year!

[crazycatlady58]

Everyone in the path of Marco be safe. Also anyone in the path of Laura (wherever she may land).

[Ijustwantsomechips]

6 hours ago, Oldernowiser said:

Okay, now I want to fly there and kick some ass. Tell them they’re lucky we’re in a pandemic because a certain gray-haired old lady would otherwise like a word.

You know them and I don’t...but what if you called them out on this crap? “I’m very happy for all of you. But you need to understand what I go through...what if the single thing you wanted most in the world was to have a baby? And what if you couldn’t? How would you feel right now?”

It seems like their reaction would tell you everything you need to know. If they can’t empathize and be kind in response to that truth, they can collectively eat a shit sandwich and you now know what they are. And standing up for yourself instead of burying your completely valid feelings can sometimes really help.

I’m sorry, sweetie.

Amen!  Thanks @Oldernowiser. I’m going to have a nice, long talk with them this week.

4 hours ago, Scarlett45 said:

@Ijustwantsomechips you are under no obligation to hold anyone else’s baby. You are not a pediatric nurse, pediatrician or nanny- the only people with a moral obligation to hold anyone else’s baby. If you were a man they wouldn’t dare say this type of stuff to you. Makes me mad. So sexist. 

It’s very sexist.  I’m going to give them the business this week. Just waiting for the right time.

[SunnyBeBe]

If you’re watching tv check out the cutest Christmas items on QVC....adorable little elves, reindeer, sleighs, etc

[Scarlett45]

1 hour ago, SunnyBeBe said:

If you’re watching tv check out the cutest Christmas items on QVC....adorable little elves, reindeer, sleighs, etc

I Love Christmas decor!!! I’m holding out till sept 1 to start planning for my Halloween decor. 

[jjane]

Thanks @Emma675. I remember the whole wanderwoman saga too. I wish this was not a real situation. I'd like to have a day that I don't imagine some unimaginable horror and a night where I actually sleep. I worry about this wonderful child every single day and worry that she will be irreparably harmed, both physically and mentally. The constant stress is unimaginable and makes the pain from my chronic illnesses and conditions worse .  It has caused my to question myself about whether I did all I could do in the first place, and I hope she is holding onto my promise to get her out of danger.

I have  no idea where any idea about her being my husband's niece came from. The niece is my sister's daughter and the great niece is her grandaughter. 

 

[Zella]

Well, this May the niece was a sister's child, but in January 2019, it was strongly insinuated she was a brother's child and there was no mention of a sister in relation to her. . . . 

Edited August 24, 2020 by Zella

[jjane]

I never said anything about a brother's child. He only has sons. I said he allowed them to live on his property.  I don't know where this is coming from or why there are suddenly two people invested in making this some sort of made up story but it's the last thing I need. Y'all have a good night. I've got a hurricane to worry about.

Edited August 24, 2020 by jjane
Upset

[Love2dance]

6 hours ago, Ijustwantsomechips said:

Amen!  Thanks @Oldernowiser. I’m going to have a nice, long talk with them this week.

It’s very sexist.  I’m going to give them the business this week. Just waiting for the right time.

Please let us know how it goes. We are rooting for you!

[Temperance]

1 hour ago, jjane said:

I never said anything about a brother's child. He only has sons. I said he allowed them to live on his property.  I don't know where this is coming from or why there are suddenly two people invested in making this some sort of made up story but it's the last thing I need. Y'all have a good night. I've got a hurricane to worry about.

I hope you're safe from the hurricane. I also remember your story, and I hope your niece is okay too. 

Edited August 24, 2020 by Temperance

[ChiCricket]

On 8/22/2020 at 10:06 PM, awaken said:

That’s such a spot on synopsis of how I, and many others are feeling right now!  Bored, overwhelmed, anxious, lonely, yet tired of being with the same 3 people constantly, all at the same time. 

I woke up determined to get someone (anyone!) in my family to bike ride to my neighborhood park with me. My husband won't ride the "adult tricycle" I bought for him years ago (he's embarrassed) even though that's what I cheerfully ride, and I'm five years younger than him (I can't balance on a regular bike anymore, and he never learned to ride a regular bike as a kid.) I haven't ridden ONCE this year.

 So..anyway. I sent an invite to my Illinois family, saying I was going to go biking at 2pm and would someone (anyone!) PLEASE join me..that I miss everyone SO much!! 😭

Almost everybody that lives in Illinois came! I was SO happy! My son and his wife, my 2 daughters, 3 of my granddaughters, and my 2 grandsons. 😊😊😊

And when we got home from the bike ride, my husband had BBQed food for everyone (even remembered veggie burgers for our vegetarian granddaughter.)

We all wore masks and socially distanced. It was great, but now I'm very, very tired.

I'm out practice talking to so many people at once! 

OH! And got the best news..my 4 German grands are also going to be doing virtual school for the first semester..."just to be safe" (so now ALL my grands are)💗 

Hope you are all safe and well.

Ps..I should give credit to my shrink for realizing I needed my Prozac dose adjusted. I feel so much better since he upped it recently. I wasn't going to mention it, but you know what? I want people to know that sometimes meds do help. 😊

Edited August 24, 2020 by ChiCricket