Small Talk: The Prayer Closet

[CalicoKitty]

@Jynnan tonnix - I just did a google search--how to find a therapist on Tricare.  There is a whole site that I think you can search for covered therapists in your area.  My brief look did  not show any qualifiers.  I would start there.  Good luck.

[Oldernowiser]

Jynnan Tonnix, I'm so sorry you are dealing with all of this stuff. You are not alone...between my mother’s death and my husband‘s constant complaining about every tiny thing there are days when I just want to walk out the front door and keep walking. I suspect it’s just his way of wanting my attention, but hey, pal, my mother just died so my head is kinda busy right now and thus I’m fresh out of sympathetic noises just because it was crowded at the post office. I love him but he retired two months before Covid and I am just exhausted of having us both here 24/7.  

I want to find a nice Buddhist retreat somewhere where no one talks...especially me.

[Jynnan tonnix]

3 minutes ago, Oldernowiser said:

Jynnan Tonnix, I'm so sorry you are dealing with all of this stuff. You are not alone...between my mother’s death and my husband‘s constant complaining about every tiny thing there are days when I just want to walk out the front door and keep walking. I suspect it’s just his way of wanting my attention, but hey, pal, my mother just died so my head is kinda busy right now and thus I’m fresh out of sympathetic noises just because it was crowded at the post office. I love him but he retired two months before Covid and I am just exhausted of having us both here 24/7.  

I want to find a nice Buddhist retreat somewhere where no one talks...especially me.

OMG....I hear you! I have fantasized SOOO many times over the past few months about just getting in the car and driving. Though the COVID pandemic does kind of limit where one can or should go. I guess that from here, I'd best just go North. Maine might be nice! LOL

[Oldernowiser]

Maine is beautiful in the fall...😁

[Jynnan tonnix]

9 minutes ago, Oldernowiser said:

Maine is beautiful in the fall...😁

So is Connecticut, so I'd probably best stay put!

[Love2dance]

@Jynnan tonnix, please don’t feel bad or ever hesitate to share your feelings here. We are here for you, and if that helps even a little, that is a very good thing. I have a very close relative going through huge marriage drama, and a possible separation, too, and I know it is so hard when you are stuck together 24/7. I have tried to convince her to speak to a counselor, but she isn’t ready. But I do think it might be helpful for anyone in your situations. If nothing else, it may help dealing with the depression and anxiety this pandemic is causing all of us. Sending you hugs and support and wishes for better days. 

[lianau]

Nephew Covid Update . The first test was negative. He will have another one next week at the end of his quarantine window . 

[andromeda331]

51 minutes ago, lianau said:

Nephew Covid Update . The first test was negative. He will have another one next week at the end of his quarantine window . 

That's great! I hope the next one will be negative too. 

[GeeGolly]

Adult mother daughter relationships can be difficult. We can't change our moms but we can examine our responses to them. Adult sibling relationships can be the same.

One of my brothers has always had the need to outshine others. IRL, he always was and still is a typical dude. He will say his car, house, neighborhood, pet, kids, vacation and even washer and dryer is the best. The problem is, when someone is always saying they have the best, the message received by others is what they have is inferior, they feel judged. 

I decided one day not to care. I was going to give my brother his need to brag without internalizing it. His bragging was about him and not me. So when he brags now, I say that's nice, good for you, maybe I'll think about St Lucia for our next vacation, and then I move on. (BTW, this is much easier to do with someone you don't live with)

My point is (and if I've posted on this before, just ignore me), so much of what folks, including family, say is really about them. Fulfilling a healthy or unhealthy need within themselves. When I work on this with clients I use a mirror and talk about how most comments are a reflection of the other person and not us.

With family, the entanglement or enmeshment is more complicated, and living with them adds another layer to it all. So when we let things go, we really have to be okay with it or it will fester and come out eventually. It can't be about always making excuses for others and allowing them to continue to treat us poorly. Like with my brother, if I still carried thoughts of his should be more thoughtful of my feelings, it would be nice if he acknowledged my kid's success, he could have at least said nice car, I'm not really letting it go. So rather than engage the shouldas, wouldas, couldas, I actually expect him to brag and I truly have no negative feelings about it at all anymore.

And one last thing, most of us avoid conflict and uncomfortable conversations to keep the peace. The problem is, the peace always gets disrupted anyways, because situations remain unresolved. Its often helpful to be planful and start that uncomfortable conversation and be purposeful in using "I" statements. If I chose that route with my brother, I could have said things like, I don't know if you realize this but when I hear you say you live in the best neighborhood, I feel judged and I start to think my neighborhood is less than ideal. Rather than you make me feel shitty with all your bragging.

Sorry for the ramble. I'm guessing you all already know all this, but sometimes reminders are helpful. 

The sun is shining outside my window, I'm drinking a yummy cup of coffee and I'm going to find more things to appreciate today, in hopes of improving my own mood. I hope you all have a great day today, or at the very minimum a day with some great moments.

[Hangin Out]

19 hours ago, CouchTater said:

I had a garter snake in my basement a few years ago.  I shut down mentally (my advanced coping technique) put a large bin over him, and then heavy books on top of that.  Somehow he escaped!  Then my nephews came over and found/removed the snake.  Then my brother, their dad, kept it a a pet for a couple of years until my brother passed.  He named it Spaghetti.  LOL

I heard they have no bones, so can get thru and under anything.  Yuk and yikes!

[emma675]

Big hugs to this entire group. We span a multitude of generations, states, countries, life experiences, etc. and yet we still come together here to vent, support, laugh, grieve, and advise. That's pretty special. 

[Jeeves]

Good morning, frenz. I have the next four days off work! YAY! I'm going camping tomorrow night and Saturday night. YAY!

I just made a list of things to do today. HOLY HELL! Why am I sitting here with my coffee at the computer? Well, because I have to check in on the fundy/Duggar snark and the Prayer Closet.

Sending good wishes to all, and virtual hugs. I'm tired and feeling emotionally fragile but happy to have the next four days to myself. Grateful for the temp job that just keeps on going . . . and going. Nice people, nice money. But it is WORK that keeps me sitting or standing at the company laptop in my home office all day long M-F, and a break from that is nice.

I'm so glad I "splurged" on an adjustable desk for my home office 8 years ago. It's simple, not electric, just essentially a table with a hand crank. Makes so much difference to be able to stand for awhile, then sit for awhile. Actually I ended up getting two of them. I had the smaller one at right angles to the bigger one, to make an L shaped workspace. After I brought the company laptop home and COVID hit, I moved the tables so they are side by side. The company laptop is hooked to a monitor and that's at one end. My personal computer is on the other side. And, yes I also have two chairs so this dual setup is fine. I can move between them and don't have to shove things around.

Take care, folks. 

[rue721]

Hello everybody! I mostly lurk, but after reading this board for so long, I feel like I know you all — and realized that meant it was time I introduced myself!

[Scarlett45]

Sending all the warmth and love to every one right now. We have been through it. 
 

After my adventure to the dentist my mom and I had an early dinner at an outdoor restaurant, and I went to the local pet place (not a chain but an independent store) to get food for Blake. The cashier said “Scarlett did you have a special order?” And I said “Mr Norris died in June so I just need a five pound bag.” (I normally order a 15lbs bag). That bag of cat food felt so light y’all. 😔

 

Blake is doing well as an only cat, and I promised my god mother (who has bile duct cancer and is doing her second chemo treatment- things aren’t looking the best) that I would keep a space for her Great Pyrenees Cosmo. 

[marypat57]

Scarlett45:

You might want to try the Sonic Fusion—it’s a combo toothbrush and water flosser.  I bought mine a little over a year ago.  At my first visit to the hygienist after I started using it, she was amazed at my progress.  I had the beginnings of a gum problem, and this seems to have made a big dent in taking care of it.  I’ve found you can use water or mouthwash to floss with.  It’s a bit messy, but well worth it.  Only downside is the price—which runs in the $150-$160 range.

[Mindthinkr]

@Jynnan tonnix I wish you didn’t have the pressure of feeling judged. Mother’s can be brutal, and it doesn’t help when you are not getting any support from your husband. I hope after your hernia repair that you feel better and are able to find something to do that gives YOU satisfaction. Please don’t worry what other’s think about it. 
@Scarlett45 Despite everything you have gone thru you still are so caring. Bless you for giving your God Mother the peace of mind about Cosmo. 
I’ve got some big worries right now, but have to sort my mind around them before I can talk about them. The first part was realizing that I couldn’t control these things, but I could control my reactions and what I was going to choose to do or not do about them. I don’t think I know of a single person who doesn’t have some issue going on in their lives. Covid times are rough. The worst part is not seeing the light at the end of the tunnel yet. Hugs to all. 

[lookeyloo]

14 hours ago, Jynnan tonnix said:

Miserable again. I'm so sorry to keep dumping feelings here, especially since so many people in this forum have problems way worse than mine, but I just don't have anyone else to talk to...

Mr Jyn says that I "shut down his life" when I told him I thought he should move back home from his job in Virginia, going on a couple of years ago. I had no idea he was going to react the way he has to being retired again...When he took the job, it was with the understanding that it was going to be for two or three years, mostly because it was good money which would enable us to really zonk away some decent cash towards doing some much-needed updates to our house, and pad the nest egg for some vacations and whatnot...He seemed to really not be enjoying having to be away from home for all that time, but he had promised them at least two years, and, frankly, what with having to maintain basically two households, it was eating up at least half of the extra salary. Then after my dad passed away, and my mom needed more care, plus our granddaughter coming along, I guess I pressured him to come back home before he was strictly ready for it. The first year wasn't too bad, but most of this year, he has been doing basically nothing...Well, I guess to a point none of us are with the quarantine and all...But we have a huge vegetable garden which has seen very little care, despite our putting a bunch of money into it in the spring between one thing and another. I have not been able to help too much because of the hernias I mentioned a little while back, which it doesn't look like I'll be getting fixed until sometime in September. He just has no ambition to do anything else with it, because he says he didn't retire to be a full-time gardener (though he had been adamant that we get property with at least two acres so that we could be pretty much independent, at least when it came to produce, including freezing stuff for over the winter - and that does take serious time and effort any way you slice it)

In the meantime, my mom has been spending at least every weekend with us, and sometimes a few weeks at a clip, depending on how things are going for her, and she alternates between being worried that Mr Jyn and I are depressed (which, yes he definitely is, and he's dragging me down there as well), and nagging us about all the things we need to get accomplished. And neither of us reacts well to being constantly reminded of what all we haven't gotten around to - or even, first thing in the morning, what she has noticed that she thinks needs attention. I try to tell her all the time that we don't need the reminders - that we are aware of the things that need attention, and her answer is, "and yet you don't do them". Well, yeah. And I hate that we're in that rut right now, but her nagging about it doesn't do anything toward making us more ambitious. 

I told her that, frankly, the more she nagged, the less likely it was that things were going to start getting done faster, so her answer was, "Oh, so I guess you are just like Trump. Acting like a couple of 5-year olds". At which point she basically said she was going to arrange for full time care so she wouldn't have to bother us anymore, and that she would be spending our inheritance, but "if you don't care, I don't care."

So despite the fact that she still calls every morning so we know she is OK, she has basically stopped talking to me because I don't want her constant unsolicited advice. 

And I'm not going to confide any of my current issues to her in any case, because it would only lead to another cycle of her worry and criticism...

So I have no one to talk to. 

I told Mr Jyn that he should maybe think about seeing a therapist or something, but he says that there's nothing wrong besides his life being basically over, and that I just need to relax. So I got to the point of actually saying that maybe we needed to talk about splitting up, because I don't even know how to be happy anymore with him in the completely apathetic state he's in, with no interest in anything. So he went to hide in the other bedroom as well. I have no idea where things are going to go. I don't want a divorce after 35 years... I'd have no idea how to fend for myself at this point.  But I want to be happy again as well, and it's not as though life with him has ever been exactly easy to start with. Not that I'm any prize either...I know I'd never find anyone else at this point, and I don't think I know how to be independent.

Totally agree with other posters.  You find yourself a therapist.  There are telehealth options I'm pretty sure.  Someone posted a hotline for you at one point.  You could start there.  As Dr. Joy Browne used to say "the only person's behavior you control is your own".  When the first Mr lookeyloo was getting ready to leave me I found me a therapist.  I thought I would bring him and she would tell him how to behave. Well, no, it didn't work that way.  But, she helped me regain my power and many other things.  I will be eternally grateful to her.  You go girl!!!  We all want to know when your appointment is!!

[Scarlett45]

18 minutes ago, marypat57 said:

Scarlett45:

You might want to try the Sonic Fusion—it’s a combo toothbrush and water flosser.  I bought mine a little over a year ago.  At my first visit to the hygienist after I started using it, she was amazed at my progress.  I had the beginnings of a gum problem, and this seems to have made a big dent in taking care of it.  I’ve found you can use water or mouthwash to floss with.  It’s a bit messy, but well worth it.  Only downside is the price—which runs in the $150-$160 range.

Thank you. Given I just spent $157 on this cavity- I am not opposed to spending the same amount to never have another one!!

(yes i know I’m being a dramatic baby but teeth do not grow back!!!!!! I need my teeth!)

[Oldernowiser]

Keeping your gums healthy helps keep your heart healthy. A Sonic Fusion is more than justified!

[Suzn]

@JYNNAN TONNIX  I given your post quite a bit of thought.  In many of your posts, you write about the tremendous weight you carry of the judgement of others.  You constantly cater to the feelings of those around you and absolutely no one caters to your feelings.  You are every bit as entitled to being understood and supported as everyone else in your life.  I would not presume to give you specific advice except this one thing: Do not put off getting some help from a therapist.  You need someone who will hear you without judgement and who can help you take better care of yourself and help you make decisions about your life.  You need the support now, please don't put it off.

Quite a few people here post about how they are at the mercy of family members and I find it very sad.  I have no family beyond my daughter and there are times that is painful and times when I think I'm lucky not to suffer what so many do from their families.

[Nysha]

4 hours ago, rue721 said:

Hello everybody! I mostly lurk, but after reading this board for so long, I feel like I know you all — and realized that meant it was time I introduced myself!

Welcome, @rue721! I'm glad you decided to introduce yourself. This has always been a great group, but since COVID the posters here have helped keep me, and probably several others, sane.

[CherryMalotte]

16 hours ago, Jynnan tonnix said:

I told her that, frankly, the more she nagged, the less likely it was that things were going to start getting done faster, so her answer was, "Oh, so I guess you are just like Trump. Acting like a couple of 5-year olds". At which point she basically said she was going to arrange for full time care so she wouldn't have to bother us anymore, and that she would be spending our inheritance, but "if you don't care, I don't care."

Tell mom to go right ahead.  Your peace of mind with her nagging away is well worth that inheritance.  

Def go get some therapy.  We all need help with this shit going on right now, I'm thinking about going myself, just to get some coping skills or to get a different perspective.
 

Quote

I told Mr Jyn that he should maybe think about seeing a therapist or something, but he says that there's nothing wrong besides his life being basically over, and that I just need to relax.

 See, now that shit pisses me off.  I've had a sneak preview of the same with Mr Malotte over here since he was off work from being a school bus driver, maybe it's a married older guy thing.   I think we all deserve a quotient of self pity maybe even daily, it's our regular problems just so multiplied by Covid and politics and general sad state of news right now that it really feels like nuclear fall out.  But I hate that way our husbands think because there are people who lives are over due to AIDS and cancer and Covid and school shootings.  I had to point that out to the mister here, like listen dude I ain't happy about all this either but Jesus H and a bucket of chicken as long as you are drawing breath there's still a fight, there's still paintings to see, and grass to be cut, songs to be listened to, dinners to make, children to teach...there's just so much more to all of us, even the mundane dish washing.  I'm making every chore, even cleaning the damn bathroom, a Mardi Gras if I have to.  There's still joy to be had.  Look at those hummingbirds some of you get to see - what miracles of engineering they are, I'm totally jealous that I don't have any, but the dickrod, excuse me my husband, doesn't want another feeder around. 

I'm sorry, I know I sound like a mean bitchy ass and a half, and I am!  Maybe we can send the husbands off to find Santa at the North Pole and we can get ourselves a nice beach and many drinks.         

[Ijustwantsomechips]

Have fun @Jeeves!

Bienvenue @rue721!

[Westiepeach]

4 hours ago, rue721 said:

Hello everybody! I mostly lurk, but after reading this board for so long, I feel like I know you all — and realized that meant it was time I introduced myself!

Welcome! There are always snacks and drinks in the Prayer Closet!

[Scarlett45]

Hi @rue721!! Thanks for introducing yourself. 
 

@Jynnan tonnix I echo what others say about finding a therapist. You have a right to prioritize your own well being. 

[andromeda331]

5 hours ago, rue721 said:

Hello everybody! I mostly lurk, but after reading this board for so long, I feel like I know you all — and realized that meant it was time I introduced myself!

Welcome to the board!

[Oldernowiser]

2 hours ago, CherryMalotte said:

like listen dude I ain't happy about all this either but Jesus H and a bucket of chicken as long as you are drawing breath there's still a fight

I worship this.

My mantra has been, “Ain’t sick, ain’t broke.” I need to get back to that.

[ChiCricket]

On 8/17/2020 at 8:25 PM, Nysha said:

I'm to the point that if my hair touches my face I almost claw it off because I've had ants crawling on me and it's freaking me out.

Been there..felt that! UGH to all bugs!

[galaxychaser]

I wonder how many partnered up people are miserable together. And how many are content/happy.

 

[GeeGolly]

2 minutes ago, galaxychaser said:

I wonder how many partnered up people are miserable together. And how many are content/happy.

 

I would guess it depends on the day of the week.

[Sew Sumi]

7 minutes ago, GeeGolly said:

I would guess it depends on the day of the week.

Amen, sister. 😂

[Scarlett45]

8 minutes ago, galaxychaser said:

I wonder how many partnered up people are miserable together. And how many are content/happy.

 

It’s been my experience lesbians have the best marriages🤔. 
 

Anyone can get on your nerves that isn’t you, and no we aren’t designed to be stuck with one other person CONSTANTLY, but I think this pandemic just PUSHED all the issues to the forefront. 
 

I thank my mom for being such a pleasant sport during this entire thing- but she’s still going to work 2 days a week and my sister’s caregiver is still coming 5 days. We have less change to our “house routine” than most people. And my sister has no idea what’s going on, and she has Disney+. 
 

Im thankful those in my building are not working my last damn nerve although my sister’s noises run me more crazy lately. And my Mom says sometimes I don’t answer her questions in the kindest way- but we all love each other and we are trying. I know how fortunate I am that my home life is so stable. 

[skatelady]

19 hours ago, Jynnan tonnix said:

OMG....I hear you! I have fantasized SOOO many times over the past few months about just getting in the car and driving. Though the COVID pandemic does kind of limit where one can or should go. I guess that from here, I'd best just go North. Maine might be nice! LOL

I had similar fantasies. So, two months into the lockdown, I decided to retire and.... leave. Except instead of driving, I walked. I Forrest-Gumped (if you'll pardon the verbing of a proper noun) from New York to Connecticut to Massachusetts and back, staying in dumpy motels, airbnbs, and friends' homes. It was incredibly therapeutic - and there was so little traffic at the time that there wasn't much problem walking on main roads. Books, music, podcasts, and just one foot in front of the other for eight-ten hours a day. Highly recommend. Even after returning, I continued to walk 3+ hours a day, and it has been very helpful - have decided not to strangle my husband after all. Over 1200 miles walked since March, and currently wearing out my 4th pair of shoes. For the record: I was not a walker before, with the exception of my 10,000 steps a day (which was easily achievable daily because I was a teacher). My children are married and on their own, and I'm old enough to be able to afford to retire, so this may not be a solution for everyone... but it worked for me. This isolation is HARD. Walking got me out of the house, and the rhythm of the movement was very soothing. It put me into a trance. 

[MargeGunderson]

@CherryMalotte, I’ll bring the sunscreen and little umbrellas for the drinks! I’m of a similar mindset as you. At some point, you have to make a choice if you are going to be a miserable sad sack or do something about it. 
 

@Jynnan tonnix, you’re getting good advice from everyone else, so I’ll just add that I hope we here can be a source of support for you. We’re rooting for you!

@rue721, jump right in with us! The more the merrier.

@skatelady, WOW! That is really amazing! 

Edited August 21, 2020 by MargeGunderson

[ChiCricket]

On 8/19/2020 at 6:44 PM, galaxychaser said:

Off Kendra/Joe topic

I met many older people who came from large families and who chose to be child free. 50% or less of siblings had kids of their own. Not one had more than 3. I find it interesting how family size shrink in the last 50 years.

That's EVERY person I personally know from Puerto Rican or Mexican families.

They're not childless, but not one family had more than 3, most had only 2. 

And they all came from HUGE families.  My husband is one of 14, and none of his siblings have more than 3. We have the "big" family of five.

Amazing what birth control can do. 😁

(kind of sad to go to Puerto Rico and not see ANY little kids around my husband's farm though)

[Scarlett45]

54 minutes ago, skatelady said:

I had similar fantasies. So, two months into the lockdown, I decided to retire and.... leave. Except instead of driving, I walked. I Forrest-Gumped (if you'll pardon the verbing of a proper noun) from New York to Connecticut to Massachusetts and back, staying in dumpy motels, airbnbs, and friends' homes. It was incredibly therapeutic - and there was so little traffic at the time that there wasn't much problem walking on main roads. Books, music, podcasts, and just one foot in front of the other for eight-ten hours a day. Highly recommend. Even after returning, I continued to walk 3+ hours a day, and it has been very helpful - have decided not to strangle my husband after all. Over 1200 miles walked since March, and currently wearing out my 4th pair of shoes. For the record: I was not a walker before, with the exception of my 10,000 steps a day (which was easily achievable daily because I was a teacher). My children are married and on their own, and I'm old enough to be able to afford to retire, so this may not be a solution for everyone... but it worked for me. This isolation is HARD. Walking got me out of the house, and the rhythm of the movement was very soothing. It put me into a trance. 

Oh wow how adventurous!!!!  
 

You will have to tell us more of your stories. Did you feel safe?

[emma675]

I feel y'all about the idea of being trapped sometimes--I live alone so I'm not having to deal with anyone else's craziness firsthand, but the walls of my house get to be a bit much at times. I haven't traveled since mid-February and even that was just a long weekend. I'm someone who is fortunate to travel on a big trip at least once a year (and usually overseas) and this has driven me crazy. I'm thinking about driving down to the beach in my state for a week and staying at my aunt's condo, just to get away for a few days and breathe in the ocean air. I have over a month of vacation left since I haven't been able to go anywhere this year and we can't roll any of it over. 

Jenniferbug, I hope you're enjoying the power and internet being back on and the insurance process has started. 

[louannems]

Jyn, my local Senior Activity Center (which is 50 plus so no need to be old!!!) teams up with the county public health mental health clinics.  They offer free mental health counseling.

[Scarlett45]

51 minutes ago, ChiCricket said:

That's EVERY person I personally know from Puerto Rican or Mexican families.

They're not childless, but not one family had more than 3, most had only 2. 

And they all came from HUGE families.  My husband is one of 14, and none of his siblings have more than 3. We have the "big" family of five.

Amazing what birth control can do. 😁

(kind of sad to go to Puerto Rico and not see ANY little kids around my husband's farm though)

M, my sister’s caregiver, she came to work for us after her father died. He was 1 of 17 (all full siblings, born in PR). He only had two kids and had them LATE, 40+. 

[Absolom]

@Jynnan tonnix, I agree with everyone who has said get counseling.  It sounds like  your mother has used emotional blackmail to control or attempt to control you through your entire life.  It's a lot to unpack and unlearn and even to always recognize it in time to deal with it.  My MIL was a master.  Then she met me.  I had the advantage of my mother having gone to the same high school different grade.  She told me to begin as I meant to go on so counter the woman from the get go.

It made for a rather nasty family meeting right after we got engaged.  MIL and her brother tried to ambush me and force me to agree to her version of the wedding.  They didn't know what hit them when I responded to their threats with well I guess you'll miss your first son's wedding and to his uncle you're assuming a lot that you think you'll be invited after treating me like this.  

She did show up and he was not invited.  

But you have to be prepared for the attacks and threats and know that you can live with the results.  That's why you need someone to talk to to help you recognize the blackmail in all forms and role play handling it and discuss possible reprisals.  At her age mama isn't going to change much so defense mechanisms may be the key.  I worked for a guy who kept a list of non-committal phrases and I learned from him to say things like thank you for your input, thank you for the information, I appreciate you caring enough to bring that up, etc.  Then he went and did as he pleased.  

Edited August 21, 2020 by Absolom

[Hangin Out]

So, 20 lashes for me.  Where are my manners?  A very nice person and friend told me about this thread, so I came on here and have been babbling for awhile and didn’t introduce myself.  I’m sorry.  My name is Silver Bells ... pleasure to meet you all.  I’ve said before, this is the kindest and nicest thread with wonderful caring people.  I can come on here without judgement and spill my guts out.  Things I wouldn’t dare tell my friends or relatives, I can say on here.  It’s a go- to when you are feeling down and out.  A special place.  Luv you all.  Hello to everyone. ❤️

[awaken]

@skatelady that’s amazing!  Did you map your route ahead of time and plan where you’d sleep, or just go day by day!  I’m obsessed with walking, but that takes if to another level!  

[Hangin Out]

@Jynnan tonnix .. I’m so sorry for your troubles.  I am married a long time.  It wasn’t easy.  Men are weird and lots of times selfish to our needs.  This pandemic is making everyone crazy.  I asked the husband a hundred times this summer “let’s take a ride upstate” for a few days.  He replies “I’m tired” or “ I don’t feel that great”.  But, when his buddy calls him, he goes out in 95 degree weather and plays 18 holes of golf.  Thank God we have a Gardner and a Son who takes care of the grounds or else the greenery and flowers would be dead.  I can’t do it anymore due to back problems.  If the husband didn’t have golf, he would be on the sofa in a depression and just give up.  Hope you can find an answer to your problem. 😻

[Sweeneyswt]

On 8/13/2020 at 5:41 PM, Happyfatchick said:

You people!!!  I’d never seen anything about them, so I chased that rabbit down it’s hole.  And of COURSE had to watch them for THREE HOURS.  Absolutely worth it, and I’ve successfully managed to hook several more suckers.  I loved the Phill Collins when the drum segment (one of the most recognized drum segments in recorded history, I’d venture) breaks in.  Their faces!!!  But I gotta tell you, Jolene stole my heart!!!  Those two hip hoppin black boys loved Dolly!!!  I wish I could’ve been a fly on the wall when Dolly watched that video of them listening to her.  I bet she loved it!!  The other one that tore my skin a little was Sound of Silence [by the man/band I can never recall the name of but looks like he eats kittens and babies for breakfast].  What a reaction!  I thought the one might cry.  And he kept saying “he’s SAYIN something right there!!”   We were driving down the road and my husband had his iPod hooked in the first time I heard that.  I was STUNNED.  First, the version is ridiculous beautiful.  Second, MY husband knew of this song???  Stunned, I say.  

you know, I’ve been hearing that song for 40(?) years and Ive always loved it, but have never been quite sure of the message, myself.  He was saying SOMEthing though. 

You are here, @Happyfatchick. You have been missed.

[Sweeneyswt]

On 8/19/2020 at 9:02 PM, doodlebug said:

It is rampant.  I am seeing so many women who are completely overwhelmed with depression and anxiety to the point where they are getting physical symptoms or symptoms they already had are getting worse.  We're living in very uncertain times and we don't know what is going to happen and I think many of us don't feel like anyone has the answer at this point and we don't see it ending anytime soon.

I've been in practice for over 34 years and have never encountered so many people so emotionally on edge.  I cannot remember the last time I worked a day where no one cried in my exam room (and not because of the exam, either) as they told me what was happening in their lives.  Most days, it's 2 or 3 women.  I feel like I should invest in Kleenex, we're going through it by the case.

I've had teens with tremendous anxiety over going back to school; afraid to decide between on-line and in-person, worried about how to take the SAT, choose a college, let alone submit applications in the midst of the pandemic.

I've seen women on the verge of making major life decisions: take a job in another city, purchase a bigger or smaller home, or even file for divorce whose plans got put on hold and now they're living in limbo.  One woman and her husband had agreed to divorce and, just as she was going to file; he lost his job and insurance.  Now, he can't afford to move out and, although the marriage is over, he is the father of her kids and they are trying to be amicable and she doesn't feel like she can file as long as he needs a place to live and health insurance, which, thankfully, her job provides.  Another woman's husband was seriously injured in a car crash in June and has not had the full use of his arms since then, he is facing multiple surgeries including skin grafts to repair the damage.  Meanwhile, he can't button his pants.  So many people facing multiple personal difficulties on top of the dam*ed pandemic.

ETA: The above examples were all from TODAY.  Lord only knows what tomorrow will bring.

My thoughts go out to you. I'd honestly be one of those examples if I spoke, but I hear you. 

[latetotheparty]

On 8/19/2020 at 4:40 AM, galaxychaser said:

I put 3 masks to wash. Came home and only 1 is in the bag. Guess the washer/dryer ate the other 2.

Lured away by the untrustworthy socks, no doubt. 

[andromeda331]

5 hours ago, skatelady said:

I had similar fantasies. So, two months into the lockdown, I decided to retire and.... leave. Except instead of driving, I walked. I Forrest-Gumped (if you'll pardon the verbing of a proper noun) from New York to Connecticut to Massachusetts and back, staying in dumpy motels, airbnbs, and friends' homes. It was incredibly therapeutic - and there was so little traffic at the time that there wasn't much problem walking on main roads. Books, music, podcasts, and just one foot in front of the other for eight-ten hours a day. Highly recommend. Even after returning, I continued to walk 3+ hours a day, and it has been very helpful - have decided not to strangle my husband after all. Over 1200 miles walked since March, and currently wearing out my 4th pair of shoes. For the record: I was not a walker before, with the exception of my 10,000 steps a day (which was easily achievable daily because I was a teacher). My children are married and on their own, and I'm old enough to be able to afford to retire, so this may not be a solution for everyone... but it worked for me. This isolation is HARD. Walking got me out of the house, and the rhythm of the movement was very soothing. It put me into a trance. 

Wow! That's amazing!

[ChiCricket]

17 hours ago, rue721 said:

Hello everybody! I mostly lurk, but after reading this board for so long, I feel like I know you all — and realized that meant it was time I introduced myself!

[ChiCricket]

5 hours ago, Silver Bells said:

So, 20 lashes for me.  Where are my manners?  A very nice person and friend told me about this thread, so I came on here and have been babbling for awhile and didn’t introduce myself.  I’m sorry.  My name is Silver Bells ... pleasure to meet you all.  I’ve said before, this is the kindest and nicest thread with wonderful caring people.  I can come on here without judgement and spill my guts out.  Things I wouldn’t dare tell my friends or relatives, I can say on here.  It’s a go- to when you are feeling down and out.  A special place.  Luv you all.  Hello to everyone. ❤️

[GeeGolly]

How are all you Californians doing with the scary crazy fires?