S26.E01: Week 1

[JenE4]

The one who told him to talk to Clare got the first rose! Interesting. 

So many desperate voiceovers—they’re all crying and still get roses. Jeesh. This is their ONE chance to become a mother!! Two women are embracing like they’re childhood best friends and one of them is moving away! Well it’s BRIGHT out that window. I guess if I were drinking all night and awake until broad daylight the next day, I’d be a mess, too.

Uh, nevermind. After THAT preview, I’m not blaming lack of sleep and too much alcohol. Those tears and glimpses of insecurity was just the beginning of this amazing (Wrong Reasons) journey! I think this is going to be the best (worst) season we’ve seen in many, many years! 

[TheFinalRose]

Somewhere, Ben Higgins is sobbing tonight watching Jesse Palmer's debut. 

[kristen111]

This thread was better than the show! Lol.

[TomGirl]

1 hour ago, meatball77 said:

WTF was with giving Sally camera time at all.  Is she going to come back later in the season? 

Oh, you just know she is!

[kristen111]

2 hours ago, tennisgurl said:

What are the odds that Salley returns in her wedding dress by the end of the season? 

Who dumped who on Sally’s wedding day?

[ECM1231]

1 minute ago, kristen111 said:

Who dumped who on Sally’s wedding day?

She said they mutually decided to call it off.

[Real4real]

I see Jesse is putting his stamp on the show...it wasn’t ‘the final rose this evening’ but ‘the last rose tonight.’  Or maybe he just forgot his lines!

[Bluesky]

36 minutes ago, ECM1231 said:

She said they mutually decided to call it off.

That’s usually not the case.  It was a trust issue she said.  Someone was lying or cheating and someone else called it off. 

[nickp1991]

I know people were upset with Clayton being chosen as the bachelor but this season looks good

[chocolatine]

I can tell from Salley's ten minutes of screentime that she's a conniving bitch. One minute she was acting conflicted, then smiling from ear to ear when Clayton brought the rose, then remembering her script and acting conflicted again. She's going to be back mid-way through the season, and most of the crying shown is probably when Clayton inevitably lets her stay (not a spoiler, just speculating).

There's a woman there, one of the bleached blondes, whose age is stated as 32 but whose face looks at least 42. She won't get another rose after Clayton sees her in daylight.

It's creepy how much Clayton and Jesse look alike, and I find Jesse by himself also creepy. His Bachelor season was before I started watching - did he always give off that vibe?

4 hours ago, rlc said:

Bar Mitzvah Dancer

BAR MITZVAH DANCER!!!!

Does she also do Bat Mitzvahs? Inquiring minds want to know.

[JenE4]

Ok, so I’m reading articles that mention that Clayton met 31 women. Because the standard count of 30 women still emerged from the limos, that means production always planned for Sally to quit the show before it started—and was cast specifically to do so.

Edited January 4, 2022 by JenE4

[Suzysite]

6 hours ago, chocolatine said:

It's creepy how much Clayton and Jesse look alike, and I find Jesse by himself also creepy. His Bachelor season was before I started watching - did he always give off that vibe?

Jesse hosts the Holiday Baking Championship on the Food Network and I've always found him to be fun and personable.   He definitely gave off a much more serious vibe here.  Maybe he'll loosen up as the season goes on.

[Rightside]

11 hours ago, tennisgurl said:

Clayton and Jessie look enough alike that it’s going to be distracting. 

So distracting!! Having them dressed alike almost made them look like twins.

When Jesse came out to announce the final rose, I truly thought it was Clayton!

Edited January 4, 2022 by Rightside

[Rightside]

.

Edited January 4, 2022 by Rightside

[WahooLAH99]

1 hour ago, JenE4 said:

Ok, so I’m reading articles that mention that Clayton met 31 women. Because the standard count of 30 women still emerged from the limos, that means production always planned for Sally to quit the show before it started—and was cast specifically to do so.

They have extra girls as back-ups, just in case. This is just the first time they have shown someone leave before the limos. So the question is why did we see her? She could have just left and we never would have known about her at all! She is totally coming back.

[Rightside]

14 hours ago, chocolatine said:

It's creepy how much Clayton and Jesse look alike, and I find Jesse by himself also creepy. His Bachelor season was before I started watching - did he always give off that vibe?

Jesse's season was so focused on him as the backup NY Giants quarterback. That is all I remember!

Edited January 4, 2022 by Rightside

[JenE4]

2 hours ago, WahooLAH99 said:

They have extra girls as back-ups, just in case. This is just the first time they have shown someone leave before the limos. So the question is why did we see her? She could have just left and we never would have known about her at all! She is totally coming back.

Are they on-site like alternate jurors? I can understand if someone backed out or got COVID a day or more beforehand to call in the reserves. But this was 5 hours before the limo entrances. The extra was already on site with her evening gown and luggage ready to swoop in? The dramatic moment of turning down a first rose offered before the show even started is dramatic enough to be the Why.

[LBS]

I would like recognition for not throwing my remote at the tv when the 33 year old called herself a ‘cougar’ and the stupid show made sure they highlighted her age.   

[LBS]

4 minutes ago, JenE4 said:

2 hours ago, WahooLAH99 said:

 

Are they on-site like alternate jurors? I can understand if someone backed out or got COVID a day or more beforehand to call in the reserves. But this was 5 hours before the limo entrances. The extra was already on site with her evening gown and luggage ready to swoop in? The dramatic moment of turning down a first rose offered before the show even started is dramatic enough to be the Why.

Reality Steve said it was actually 3-4 days before.  But regardless, so manufactured to create drama.  Also Clayton you don’t have to do exactly what the producers say.  Like don’t eat the yellow snow in Iceland just because they say so.

[Alexander Pope]

13 hours ago, rlc said:

Bar Mitzvah Dancer

BAR MITZVAH DANCER!!!!

 

Reporting from LA: this is an actual job.  They come along with the DJ.  Get up and move so the kids don't feel so awkward.

Edited January 4, 2022 by Alexander Pope

[phlebas]

So, Clayton is tall?  You'd think someone would have mentioned that.

[Alexander Pope]

14 hours ago, rlc said:

Bar Mitzvah Dancer

BAR MITZVAH DANCER!!!!

 

Reporting from LA: this is an actual job.  They go with the DJ.  Get up and move so the kids don't feel so awkward.

Also did anyone notice that one of the blondes, who did a lot of talking heads, looked like a blonde Tia?  That's what I am going to call her from now on.

[DEL901]

I think hand buzzer Suzy looks like Hannah  B. 

Edited January 4, 2022 by DEL901

[jade.black]

I can't believe I'm watching this. Was fully intending to boycott, because Clayton.

Why is age treated like a disease on this franchise? He could have had some fun with Holly, flirted a little, instead of looking like a deer in headlights at seeing an older woman step out of the limo. It was obviously part of a gimmick, chill out. Did they cancel the senior Bachelor?! I'm totally bummed if they did.

The blonde pilot reminds me of an annoying actress with a baby voice who played mean girls on (I think) early 00s shows - someone help me out if you make the connection. 

Looks like they removed the post-Corinne alcohol restrictions from the show! Let's party.

[TheFinalRose]

5 minutes ago, jade.black said:

The blonde pilot reminds me of an annoying actress with a baby voice who played mean girls on (I think) early 00s shows - someone help me out if you make the connection. 

Blonde Pilot definitely reminds me of someone and it's driving me crazy. She is one of the most affected and fake-seeming contestants I've seen in a long time. 

[Bookish Jen]

I usually don't watch The Bachelor, but I decided to check this out because I was too lazy to change the channel. 

Clayton and Jesse look so much alike, I kept mixing them up. They're both so beige.

And so many inter-changeable blondes.

Sally, the previously engaged girl? Yep, she's coming back.

[Crashcourse]

14 hours ago, Kiss my mutt said:

Did Tessa say, “What do I have that these other women don’t have?” 

Yep, she said that and I said "whaaaat???"

I can't take a whole season of drama and crying and "wrong reasons" so I'm gonna watch again with the Final Four contestants.

[jade.black]

Oh, I meant to mention that at the start, Clayton said to Jesse Palmer something like "you and me are going to have a great time," to which Jesse immediately and emphatically responded "You and I will (such and such)". I support the instruction of proper grammar on this show. You can stay, Jesse Palmer, you can stay!

[Alexander Pope]

1 minute ago, jade.black said:

Oh, I meant to mention that at the start, Clayton said to Jesse Palmer something like "you and me are going to have a great time," to which Jesse immediately and emphatically responded "You and I will (such and such)". I support the instruction of proper grammar on this show. You can stay, Jesse Palmer, you can stay!

thank you for mentioning that! it was one of my favorite moments of the night!

[Recyclorette]

15 hours ago, Lamb18 said:

The snake next to the rose is funny! Is The Bachelor using visual symbolism - there's a serpent in the Garden of Eden?

Interesting symbolism you picked up on there, but what is with the popularity of snakes everywhere?  I almost had to turn the show off!  Not amused.

[Honeycombs]

43 minutes ago, TheFinalRose said:

Blonde Pilot definitely reminds me of someone and it's driving me crazy. She is one of the most affected and fake-seeming contestants I've seen in a long time. 

She looks to me like a blonde Demi Moore....

 

[dizzyd]

It always surprises me that the Bachelor always gets higher ratings than the Bachelorette. I personally prefer the Bachelorette because more male eye candy and less eye rolling drama and if I think the Bachelor lead is a dud, I don’t see the point, like with Clayton. Granted significant drop 3.8M compared to Matt’s season’s premier 5.2M but still higher than Michelle’s at 3M. I didn’t watch but reading the feedback, I don’t think I missed much besides some increasingly moronic producer scripted drivel. 

[Jayohgee]

1 hour ago, Alexander Pope said:

Also did anyone notice that one of the blondes, who did a lot of talking heads, looked like a blonde Tia?  That's what I am going to call her from now on.

Yes! That was Lyndsey W.

[call me ishmael]

4 hours ago, WahooLAH99 said:

They have extra girls as back-ups, just in case. This is just the first time they have shown someone leave before the limos. So the question is why did we see her? She could have just left and we never would have known about her at all! She is totally coming back.

My guess is that not onlymis she coming back but that they showed so much of it because it showed Clayton making fun of himself.  Self-deprecating and sincere.  This year’s theme.

[Rainsong]

As the covid days overlap and blend together, can it really be that long ago that the human incarnation of Mr Snuffleupagus, one Matt James, was casting his droopy eyes at the ground, floor, carpet and deck in various claustrophobic locations at the Nemacolin Resort as he moaned incessantly about what a burden it was to squire attractive women?

Well, if we consider the fortunes of one Chris Harrison and have the occasional peek at the Bachelorette and Bachelor In Paradise we might paraphrase the master thespian (that’s an in-joke, the lads might get it first) himself, Judge Reinhold, in the cinematic classic Vice Versa: ‘Well, a lot’s happened since then!’

In an instance of bitter cosmic irony, perhaps it really WAS the Most Dramatic Bachelor Season In History! But with Harrison banished, paid off and playing $100 Nassaus at Riviera Country Club with Joe Pesci and Denzel Washington, it seems the producers are keen to reboot with a traditional male host in former Bachelor, social media gadfly and college football pundit Jesse Palmer and his drainpipe trousers. Perhaps Jesse likes the scruffy whisker look, or perhaps he just doesn’t have time to shave with his many jobs.

Publicity is a two-edged sword and after the last season the blade cut deeply and drew gallons of blood from all the wrong people, including the presenter/producer. Those now in charge of the program have resolved not to join Harrison in exile. They know fake controversy, the kind that can be directed, reshot, PR’d, edited and scored, is preferable to the real thing which threatened to destroy the entire enterprise.

And so, as the marketing blurb makes clear: ‘Midwesterner Clayton Echard is a throwback romantic looking for a partner, a great love and a best friend.’ That’s about as generic as it gets. Those social-climbing, instafamous LA & NY types may be easier to locate and recruit but they are as cynical as the producers themselves and invariably derail The Journey™ by playing to the cameras with a view to post-Bachelor notoriety. The little horndogs won’t even use the fantasy suite because their agents have told them to avoid the suite in order to avoid uncomfortable questions from the media after. Better to get the corn-fed farm boys back on the set – the ones whose physiques are from actual work or athletic pursuits, not hours of iron-pumping onanism opposite a gym mirror.

Standard disclaimer: this writer rarely watches The Bachelorette, for a few reasons: 1) Female indecision is hardly a novel or dramatic concept, as any male who has watched incredulously as a date, a girlfriend or a spouse send the waiter away three times before simply ordering a drink or an entrée can attest. 2) Despite this indecision, the body language blasts out at about 120 dB when she meets the guys, revealing who the contenders are and are not immediately thus ruining much of the suspense. 3) Bachelorettes (plural) in captivity eventually bring out the claws and fangs but there is a high entertainment quotient. Bachelors in captivity are like caged lions or primates. Most of them studiously ignore each other until there is a rare challenge, a five-minute dustup usually featuring actual dust, and then they go back to ignoring each other. Downtime is VERY down among the Bachelors. Comatose. Unfortunately, a generation of Sensitive New Age Guys (SNAGs) means that the downtime is also filled with floods of tears. In fact, it now seems that Bachelors in Paradise or in the LA mansion are more prone to turning on the taps than the Bachelorettes who hiss, growl and claw and only seem to cry (briefly) as a post-traumatic reaction. The vocabulary also seems to have shifted 180 degrees as the males now talk about validation, feelings etc. while the women now swear like sailors.

Anyway, the ABC suits want to knock 10 years off the calendar in the minds of the public and we’ll play along for now.

Speaking of throwbacks, West Coast people regard the Midwest as a time warp. The establishing shot could have been anything wholesome like a football stadium or a town square...instead it’s a mundane view of a mundane subdivision complete with wheeled garbage cans, bricked-in mailboxes and those Lego-style split-level houses. A quiet residential street has bike lanes? The next shot, a Bachelor staple, is of a bird – a hummingbird. The only surprise is that they didn’t overlay the sound of a hawk screaming as they usually do.

Clayton and his half-n-half haircut are carrying a camera. Dad is carrying a camera. Does the union know about this? Clayton’s jaw juts out past his belt buckle when he smiles. Has he dipped into the HGH supplies in the trainer’s room? I suppose we’ll have to get used to it. Maybe the beard is the male version of contouring for that big mug. And the women will have to get used to Clayton’s chin bumping up against their throat when they’re kissing him. Which appears to be often based on the previews. This man is sucking face like a teenager in a game of spin-the-bottle.

Was that first shot of the preview the old jump-off-the-boat routine? Yes, yes it was. But it wouldn’t be The Bachelor – modern version – without launching immediately into footage of the women tearing strips off each other and the inevitable crying jags – all taken out of context of course.

One familiar Midwestern/Appalachian expression is ‘doesn’t have sense to come in out of the rain.’ Unfortunately this seems to apply to Clayton in a preview shot of the finale as he stands outside with suit being soaked. Clayton shouts ‘I am falling in love!’ and we can almost hear the ‘Dude!’ appended to every sentence. So far, Clayton seems about as deep as a layer of Reynolds Wrap. It isn’t hard to imagine Clayton being an enthusiast of this horrific country-rap hybrid that has wrought more damage than coronavirus over the last few years.

Quote

 

Musical aside: for those interested in such things, the origins of this country-rap with its plodding tempo, good for nothing more than bouncing slightly in place in one’s cowboy boots, can be traced to…AC/DC. AC/DC? The Scotland-born, Australia-bred hard rock act with the crazy scrawny guitarist in schoolboy shorts? Yes. The producer of their biggest albums was one Robert John ‘Mutt’ Lange. He became a hot property in the industry and turned his attention to a pop-metal band from Sheffield, England: Def Leppard. Their first album together skillfully surfed the MTV wave of video promotion to sell many millions of records. Then Leppard’s drummer wrecked his car and had his arm severed (it will all make sense, promise).

A drummer with one arm was…what? Useless? Instantly retired? No, said the drummer and the band. Fortunately, the technology of the day allowed them to create an elaborate electronic drumkit that utilized both feet to ‘trigger’ electronic drums, including the snare, and keep the one remaining arm free to hit cymbals and the occasional tom-tom and sound mostly like any other drummer. However…with such a physical limitation and such a kit there were some concessions to make and they came in the form of slower pound-it-out tempos, lots of empty spaces in songs filled by vocals, hand claps, chanting, etc. It became the epitome of ‘arena rock’ with singalong choruses – ‘Pour Some Sugar On Me’ is probably the best and most familiar example.

Mutt then turned his attention in more ways than one to a nominally country singer from Canada named Shania Twain whom he later married (and later divorced). Twain’s sex appeal eclipsed her talent by a comfortable margin but that was hardly a rarity or a liability in showbiz. Mutt, for the most part, simply took out his shopworn Def Leppard arena rock recipe, added some fiddle and steel guitar and produced the Come On Over juggernaut, copies of which filled those sun visor CD caddies in cars in every state next to Mardi Gras beads or plastic Hawaiian leis swinging from a rear view mirror.

Suddenly country music had a very different market identity and actual country acts weren’t happy about it. But, bands have little choice but to give the people what they want and acts began popping up in the wake of Twain’s success. With the pop charts soon almost totally consumed by hip-hop, it was probably inevitable that the Twain/Lange formula would morph into the country-rap hybrid with its insipid, repetitive lyrics that stay within some rather tame, strict PC boundaries: trucks, mud, dirt roads, river banks, beer, moonlight, tan legs, jeans, and trucks. Oh, and trucks. Genuine and heartfelt blue-collar laments from genuine blue-collar musicians about genuine blue-collar concerns like alcoholism, divorce, crimes of passion and the resulting prison terms, death, menial/dangerous jobs or poverty are rarely if ever addressed in favor of mindless exhortations to partaaaaay! 

Notable exception: the revenge song. Think Lambert’s ‘Kerosene’ or Underwood’s ‘Before He Cheats.’ Arson, vandalism and other destructive, if passive-aggressive, acts are detailed and celebrated. You go girl! If a male had sung about burning down the house of his ex or smashing her taillights he might be jailed on the spot as a predator or at least banished to social media purgatory. Hell, the songwriter might face criminal charges. But anything goes in the tough-girl stakes. A jarring double standard, one must agree, no matter which side you’re on.

In sum, if you’ve wondered how this unbearable drum-machine monotone drunken karaoke punch-the-air shoutfest exemplified by Dierks Bentley or Florida-Georgia Line came to be and how it might have become the soundtrack to Clayton’s Bachelor intro, now you know.

 

Jesse tells us Clayton is sincere. Like really really sincere. Great Pumpkin sincere. Clayton’s getting a hero’s welcome from some people who probably own a Shania Twain CD or two in Eureka MO for, um, being Clayton. Eureka means ‘I have found it’ which is what Clayton aims to do.

A brief review of Clayton and outgoing Bachelorette Michelle is shown. Michelle’s students have written letters of consolation, because primary school kids are experts in adult relationships. Clayton is getting very choked up reading them. Or perhaps he’s just struggling with words of two syllables or more.

Clayton is driving a Ford Bronco on a highway in LA. The OJ Simpson jokes write themselves.

Shanae’s small-town credibility is unassailable as the nearest city over 10,000 souls is…Tiffin OH. Gabby is keeping it light but her tight end pun thuds immediately to ground in the thin Denver air. Rachel’s from FL but ended up in…Athens OH? That’s quite the safety school. Her native tongue is Vocal Fryese.

Daria is a New Yorker attending Ivy League law school. Haven’t we seen the bolshy East Coast lawyer type before in Rachel Abosolo (I looked it up)? Chip on shoulder, you-will-respect-my-intellect? Happy to be proved wrong. Clayton will need to use what football quarterbacks call ‘eye discipline’ to stop himself from staring at Daria’s impressive pair of Yale Elis. The cameras leer shamelessly. Susie is a pageant girl but trained in martial arts in Japan. I do hope we see her hip-toss one of her rivals.

Elizabeth’s a realtor and on the wrong side of 30. Uh oh. The Dangerous Type, as The Cars once sang. She no doubt has a stiletto in the handbag and isn’t afraid to use it. Those legs go all the way to the floor. Teddi and her mane and…her virginity…are committed to the fantasy suite. Only two of the three may survive. And there goes my theory about CA girls keeping their knickers on to ensure future entertainment gigs.

Salley confirms that ‘trust issues’ are a euphemism for ‘boyfriend/fiancé playing away.’ Salley is a good example of someone with delicate features who would be a traffic-stopping, Charlize Theron-style knockout if she had a cropped hairstyle. Instead, it’s the ongoing curse of the Clairol Herbal Essence center-parted waterfall with or without extensions. Salley’s intro video features some neck-snapping edits between SC as in South Carolina and SC as in Southern California. In one shot she’s under a tree with Spanish moss, which doesn’t grow in CA. In the next she’s looking out at rocky, unmistakably California hills and on a rocky, undeniably California beach. She’s got a case of cold feet and it has nothing to do with the Pacific tide.

We’re already getting a sidebar? A stealth visit? Tears? The episodes have been shuffled on us! Between the shaky video camera work and the stilted conversation between two shapely young people in a hotel room it’s also starting to look like one of THOSE videos. Ahem.

Clayton’s libido, I mean, sense of empathy has been stimulated. He’s already laying on the hands. A rose given before kickoff? Before the coin toss even? Cheeky beggar. Salley is pacing in front of the ice machine. A metaphor perhaps. She bails. Clayton is left alone with his substantial underbite. Cheer up, mate, you aren’t even dressed yet.

Clayton’s suit needs two more inches in the shoulders and an inch at the cuffs. Sarah is first. Petite but maybe she can still reach his tie and fix the knot. Then Lyndsey. Or is that Elizabeth? Are they twins? Sisters? In a season long ago Genevieve might have billed herself as a personal trainer but is now proudly and openly a bartender. Nice red dress but she appears to have borrowed some sparkly platforms from the band KISS, however.

Ency is half Persian, half Korean, which means she gets two rental spaces in the mall food court for the price of one. The language lesson is dragging on and Clayton’s polite smile is frozen. Will this be on the test, wonders the ex-jock? Clayton is also admiring the backs of all the beaded dresses as the ladies enter the house. Perhaps he has an undeclared interest in fashion. Susie goes for the prop-reliant introduction with a joy buzzer. Claire is a spray tanner, which edges bartender for brutal vocational honesty.

Serene means quiet and still. But she’s a teacher, which may trigger some serious PTSD in Clayton. Please don’t write him any letters yet, kids. Teddi & Tessa arrive. Tessa gives an anagram of her name, which causes Clayton’s gears to grind to a halt as he juggles five whole letters in his mind.

We’ve had a Lyndsey W and now a Lindsay D. As in cup size. Clayton can’t tear his eyes away from the red sequins. Apparently this halftime pep talk is standard on arrival night and Clayton ducks inside for a moment.

Kate’s another 32 year old realtor. Which means she knows where the best cocktail lounges are after a long hard day of two 30-minute showings. Location location location etc. Slim bordering on bony, Kate may have had a Marlboro 100 or two in her time but is trying to quit. By vaping. Forget the animals, trucks, toys & taglines. Kate has the booze.  My advice to Clayton: propose immediately.

Lyndsey W is already getting the stalker edit. I’m getting vibes of crazy old Melissa as in ‘I just ate like three pieces of pizza with onions’ Melissa. To be fair, she correctly observes that there are some questionable decisions being made in the introductions.

You can hear the wind whistling through Hailey’s ears as she asks for her pickle jar to be opened. Dr Freud call your office. Jane arrives in a roadster and helpfully informs us it’s a vintage car in case we mistook it for a 2022 Tesla. Jane’s a social media director, which means she has a Twitter account.

63 year old Holly is here in her comfortable shoes. Now it’s getting weird. Maybe she’s been locked out of her tract home in The Villages and needs a big strong man to force a window open. No, it’s all an elaborate ruse. Lame, with a lamer pun, but elaborate. A bar mitzvah dancer? They don’t have any of those in Missouri.

Kira arrives to play doctor. More groan-inducing personal branding taglines follow. Rianna has a cowboy hat. You know I approve. Eliza from Germany brings a sausage. Of course she does. Dr Freud call your office again.

‘I think we got off to a good start.’ No, honey, the durty gurlz never do. Neither do the girls bringing live animals, especially a damned snake. You don’t have to be a theology student to connect Adam, Eve and a serpent and the problems that follow.

The black thong-covering box has been imported from Mexico for Samantha. Do the ABC suits realize we’ve seen far more – or make that far less – on Instagram every day? Toy trucks, big trucks. Here’s Shanae who is already annoying for her Northern Ohio tendencytotalksuperfastlikethiswithnospacesbetweenwords.

Susie gets pulled aside first, which has to be a large hint. She’s got pageant girl patter, eye contact and she’s excited to be here. Oh, and she hopes to solve world hunger. Clayton’s eating out of her hand.

Don’t give away precious family heirlooms or photos, dear. You might not get them back. Teddi has graciously offered her thigh as a resting place for his hand. She’s got a prominent chin too. I fear any children from the union might resemble Dudley Do-Right. But fear is absent as they go in for the kiss and the stirring string music (well, synthesizer strings) builds up.

The other Bachelorettes are doing their best imitation of meerkats as they peer at the first-night lip-locking. Kira is the only doctor in history who is punctual for an appointment. But wearing only underwear must be quite a time saver.

Can I steal him away from the cornhole & wings? Yes, please do. Oh wait, it’s for more food. ‘Oh you got a little something right there.’ Yes, and it’s because Mara smeared his face with the spoon. Can someone explain why women are intentionally messy and giggly when it comes to food tasting? Is it merely to give them an excuse to rub fingers over the face and lips? How about offering a napkin instead of a facial massage? Is this some baby-feeding instinct?

Claire is drunk. Or is getting the drunk edit. And while that may have been annoying or provocative in the past it’s perfectly fine now. And that’s because after the horrorshow that was Queen Victoria we are inured to these antics. Be obnoxious. Combative. Rude. You can’t bother us as long as Victoria is elsewhere, comfort eating a tray of Oreos. Claire has been turfed out. Tsk tsk. Clayton’s got the hump temporarily but the rest are staying put.

Teddi gets the First Impression Rose, which has been retitled The Golden Tonsil Award for Teddi’s prowess in soul-kissing. ‘She must have made a good first impression’ one other Bachelorette sagely notes. Well yes, as Teddi’s gameplan was rather simple and straightforward. It wasn’t as if they were discussing their favorite 17th century Latvian poets.

A long night gives way to daybreak. Lots of tired, drawn faces but that may be due to 30 women in sleek gowns and tall heels having to wait in line for a single bathroom after a flute or two of champagne.

Rose ceremony surprises:
Serene
Cassidy
Mara
Genevieve – the new Ashley Iaconetti. Fewer tears, more Fatal Attraction
Tessa

Rose ceremony non-surprises: 
Susie - they waited all the way til the second rose!
Rachel – she’s had more camera time than Clayton
Ency and her Persian/Korean cleavage possibly enhanced by Western hemisphere doctors
Sarah
Kate and her mini-bottles.
Kira and her lab coat -specifically what’s underneath it
Shanae – already previewed as the villain of the piece

Alas, Lindsay D has been passed over. The D could have been for drama. Hailey is leaving but probably won’t remember any of it tomorrow anyway. Daria was a massive red herring and is on her way back to New Haven. Let’s be honest – it wouldn’t have worked out between a lawyer and Moose from Archie Comics.

Edited January 6, 2022 by Rainsong

[dizzyd]

Missed you, Rainsong!!! Lol on your entire post and thanks for enlightening me on why the Bachelor may attract more viewers than the Bachelorette. 

 

[OldWiseOne]

17 hours ago, Bluesky said:

Too big, you can see every tooth, and there are many, in his mouth. I don’t think he’s attractive at all. 

He looks like a mouth breather, he doesn't (can't?) close his mouth when he smiles.

 

2 hours ago, jade.black said:

Why is age treated like a disease on this franchise? He could have had some fun with Holly, flirted a little, instead of looking like a deer in headlights at seeing an older woman step out of the limo. It was obviously part of a gimmick, chill out. Did they cancel the senior Bachelor?! I'm totally bummed if they did.

It seemed to me there weren't nearly as many 23 year olds as usual, mostly late 20s early 30s.

I really liked Jesse Palmer as host. He was a total tool as the Bachelor, but he was also way too young and obviously not looking to get married at that point. He's good on the baking show too.

[jade.black]

20 minutes ago, OldWiseOne said:

It seemed to me there weren't nearly as many 23 year olds as usual, mostly late 20s early 30s.

This I did notice and was excited to see. Although a woman my exact age referred to herself as a cougar, and I did not appreciate that.

[EllenB]

Did anyone else get terrified when Flying Blondie was described as a student pilot AND a flight instructor? 

[leocadia]

7 hours ago, Rightside said:

When Jesse came out to announce the final rose, I truly thought it was Clayton!

I was only half-watching and at one point during the limo introductions they showed Jesse onscreen talking to Clayton and I truly thought they had a same gender contestant that was a mirror image of Clayton.

I also missed the part where Sally explained that her wedding had been called off.  With all the tears and drama I was expecting to hear that her fiancé had died in a horrible accident.

Guess I need to pay closer attention! 

[milkyaqua]

17 hours ago, kristen111 said:

This thread was better than the show! Lol.

Just a part-time lurker but thanks to this forum.  I'm sitting here are my desk eating lunch and laughing, trying not to choke on my sandwich.

Back to the background now...

[Blintzie]

I thought Jesse's Bachelor season was pretty meh. My favorite part was the outtake shown on one of the very last episodes. Jesse did an amazing Gollum impression with the Neil Lane ring, calling it "my precious"!! It was spectacular!

[Rightside]

45 minutes ago, leocadia said:

I also missed the part where Sally explained that her wedding had been called off.  With all the tears and drama I was expecting to hear that her fiancé had died in a horrible accident.

 

And they just happened to have a pic of her wearing her wedding dress!!

[TheFinalRose]

13 minutes ago, Blintzie said:

I thought Jesse's Bachelor season was pretty meh

All I remember were the looks of absolute disgust on some of the ladies' faces when Jesse talked about having more than a few one night stands. I think one of the ladies self-eliminated right then and there she was so grossed out by him.  

[Bookish Jen]

2 hours ago, jade.black said:

This I did notice and was excited to see. Although a woman my exact age referred to herself as a cougar, and I did not appreciate that.

Was that the 33 year old? If she's a cougar, then I'm a Saber Tooth Tiger.

Edited January 4, 2022 by Bookish Jen

[kristen111]

3 hours ago, OldWiseOne said:

He looks like a mouth breather, he doesn't (can't?) close his mouth when he smiles.

The girl with the long black hair he gave a rose to looks to have the same chin and underbite as him.  The one he kissed.

[seacliffsal]

Okay, when Jesse came out to announce the last rose I had flashbacks to "The Patty Duke Show" when Patty and Cathy would stand on opposite sides of the scene to allow for Patty Duke to film both roles (come on, I can't be the only one to remember that show...).  It really seemed like it was one person playing both roles (okay, maybe the "Parent Trap" movies is a better example [and, yes, I have seen the original one with Hayley Mills]).

And, no, not everyone looks good as a blonde.  I don't understand why so many women dye their hair a color that does not complement their skin tone (and yes I am female).  Some of those "blondes" looked rough.

I may not watch this season-but I will certainly be here for the comments!

[JenE4]

3 hours ago, milkyaqua said:

Just a part-time lurker but thanks to this forum.  I'm sitting here are my desk eating lunch and laughing, trying not to choke on my sandwich.

Back to the background now...

I hope you stick around!

3 hours ago, EllenB said:

Did anyone else get terrified when Flying Blondie was described as a student pilot AND a flight instructor? 

Haha! If it helps alleviate your concerns, I knew someone who ran a flight simulator firmly on the ground. I don’t think it required any actual airtime to run because the simulator basically does it all. Maybe she does that?

[Hip-to-be-Square]

So many make outs on the first night- I felt like I was watching "Rock of Love" for a second! I can't tell any of the blondes apart, some of them have differing jawlines which helps a little to differentiate- but the hair extensions, false eyelashes, drawn on eyebrows and lip injections are throwing me off.  The tail gate girl won points from me for looking dejected while polishing off hot wings alone- I've got that technique down pat! 😄  I'm looking forward to seeing the full scene in the previews where some random girl is sobbing hysterically on a loveseat next to a Gatorade bottle.  Tears the season!

[Jax7917]

22 hours ago, JenE4 said:

This is so stupid. He had no clue you were coming, Sally, so you could have just quit the show before it started and he never would have known the difference. Now you’re going out of your way to make him offer you a rose when you were going there to tell him you’re quitting the show before it starts. Get the f— out of here! He’s going to be rejected and then start the show with his confidence shaken when this has nothing to do with him!!

He had “ no clue “ she was coming . Except I bet he had a clue from the producers .