S04.E11: Private Eyes

[Mercolleen]

NM wrong forum

Edited May 4, 2020 by Mercolleen

[Gobi]

1 minute ago, Mercolleen said:

Friends! I am eating my delicious Blue Apron steak dinner as I settle in to the show, but I am not sure if I cut it on the bias????

Join the live chat.

[spunky]

Ash has tantrum and runs away because his nothing box is empty. 

Producer out of ear shot: If you want your check, you better act right,(Speculation).

Ash: Scurries back to his spot. 

Side note: Is this the same producer from MAFS?

Edited May 4, 2020 by spunky

[Baltimore Betty]

How does David have a full trash can if he was in Russia?

Nothing about David's place says he had or has extra money to spend on on line chats with bots.

Compared to his place Debbie and Colt's place looks like a cover of Architectural Digest.

[Gobi]

Just now, Baltimore Betty said:

How does David have a full trash can if he was in Russia?

Mix-up in meeting plans, Lana went to Las Vegas by mistake.

[Baltimore Betty]

All of his shelves are empty, nothing on the shelves...WTF?

[spunky]

Usman's song reminds me of that annoying song from last year by Davido. Lisa there's this amazing search engine called Google , use it! Same goes for you Yolanda and David. Especially you David.

Edited May 4, 2020 by spunky

[Pixilicious]

Love Erica's parents...and how cute was her dad when he asked if anyone wanted more fried rice?

[suzywallis]

3 minutes ago, Pixilicious said:

Love Erica's parents...and how cute was her dad when he asked if anyone wanted more fried rice?

I LOVE her parents!  They were awesome!

 

[Pixilicious]

It was great seeing Rose tell off that disgusting pig 😁

[suzywallis]

18 minutes ago, Pixilicious said:

It was great seeing Rose tell off that disgusting pig 😁

Totally!  She was like, "I am woman, hear me roar!"  Go girl!

[Adeejay]

If David has a family, I hope they stage an intervention.  He is either a lunatic or a fool.

When Ash asked Avery, “don’t I make you feel like a woman?” I wanted to throw something at the television.  What the heck does that even mean? For a guy who is a relationship coach, he doesn't seem to know anything about being in a relationship.  

Edited May 4, 2020 by Adeejay

[Hangin Out]

OMG .. Hours of watching this, and they give you hardly nothing.

Rose:  When Rose gets mad or doesn’t like something, she gets this weird look on her face .. not good either.  I know he’s a creepy guy, but i think Rose and her Sister are in kahoots.

[Hangin Out]

My husband is still watching in the living room .. I caved and went in the bedroom to watch a movie.  I can’t take that one cooking in the wok .. she is sooo LOUD.  Although, I do like what she’s cooking on there, especially the ribs, and rice, and veggies, everything, lol.

How dumb can one be?  David, there is no Lana.

[Lily247]

4 hours ago, iwasish said:

So let’s see how the Ed thing plays out. How serious is Rose about more kids vs going to the USA. If she figures out that he hasn’t done the snip snip yet, she can still get pregnant before he does. All it takes is a box of condoms and a needle. Sadly I know a couple of women who had “just one more” via that method. She could even be pregnant after the one or two times they’ve had sex. Or will Ed back off his stance and agree to more children? 

 

 

I highly doubt Rose wants more children - at least with Ed. Shes probably been harping about kids to make herself seem more authentically into him, and is acting all disappointed that he doesnt want more kids. I see her doing the K1, coming to the US, then leaving him stat when her 2 years or whatever long it takes her to get the GC comes, finding friends here and creating a life for herself and Prince on her own. But I see Ed withholding on doing paperwork for her as a sort of power control thing to convince himself the marriage is not transactional. Ed goes back to Phillipines to seek another K1 bride, rinse, repeat. 

Edited May 4, 2020 by Lily247

[Alonzo Mosely FBI]

You GO fierce Rose ! Woot!!! 

Her hair was blown out perfectly, beautiful dress and pendant necklace. Simple. Screw your hero complex Ed. She is poor but she was fierce &  proud....Money can't buy you class. Elegance is learned my friend! 

Edited May 4, 2020 by Alonzo Mosely FBI

[Hangin Out]

On 4/30/2020 at 8:41 PM, mamadrama said:

I'm a writer who's worked from home for the past 10 years. My 13 yo son has cancer and has been homeschooled since August. My husband teaches for a state university, but all his classes have been online since last summer. He has a part time job at the dollar general, but it was deemed essential since our county doesn't have any other grocery stores besides the DG and Save a Lot. Absolutely nothing has changed for us. Last fall we complained about being home all the time, but now we see that it was actually an advantage. Because of his illness, we've been wearing masks in public, spraying ourselves down with Lysol, and disinfecting every day for months. We haven't eaten out since before Christmas. He only leaves for doctor appointments. For once I feel like our disadvantage has been helpful because life has gone on as usual. It's been a really challenging year for us, but at least I feel like we were prepared for the pandemic. I will be as glad as anyone when all this is over, though. For a year we've lived in fear that even a cold would kill our son. We never expected an actual pandemic. Also, I miss restaurants. 

I had my husband watch this preview and he was disgusted by Ed and Dave. He said that if Dave truly is faking this storyline then his friends should all drop him for putting them through this. 

They really went all out finding assholes for this season, didn't they?

OMG, my tears are flowing.  I’m praying for 100 per cent recovery for your dear Son. Xoxo to him.

[Rabithed]

I’m sure it’s been said before, but I can’t with Ash and those eyes! 👀👀 If he were a normal decent guy I wouldn’t bring it up but...he’s not. 
There is not one likeable person in this lot. 

[Ucross]

On 5/1/2020 at 11:48 PM, kendi said:

I'm an essential worker - a civilian at the PD and everyday I am emotionally drained. The stress on people's faces, the disrespect to officers and orders...it's really quite sickening.

Thank you for your post, and my sympathies. Because you wrote this, I promise I will go out of my way to smile at and thank officers.

I am an older woman living alone and overlook a West Hollywood city park that is closed at the moment. Most everyone is respectful although they miss it. I am in an extremely exposed location and fear guys jumping the park fence and getting into my place, so I made a fortress with cameras and alarms. 

But this afternoon, some WeHo yuppie asswipe jumped the fence to do yoga in the park. No biggie, that, but it sets a precedent, as he is the first person to do that and now others will. I called the sheriff and she firmly escorted him out. Navel-gazer. 

I so appreciate our local cops and can only imagine their stress. 

 

But back to the show! Whoever casts should get an Emmy. This bunch of people are golden. I love Varya and her mom. I think they caught on early but are just going through the motions. -- and now Varya has some good footage to use in her career ongoing.

Ed is a walking BLT, but if Rose can attach to him to get out, I hope she does it. I'm sure she couldn't care less about future kids. She just WANTS OUT. Please get her out. If he's actually thinking she's privileged enough to choose kids or not, he's a good candidate for the loony bin. "Prince," who real name is obviously not that, was probably the product of a rape. One has to scratch one's head that any American cannot comprehend that obvious fact. And she probably is fairly shy of 18, if not 15 or under.

[HorrrGoodnight]

Yes Rose read Bob Goblin the riot act!!  He's fucking gross. Also I didn't realize he had tattoos on his shoulders and...... whatever that space is between his shoulders

[Ucross]

It appears Rose and Maria are collaborating to get ONE of them to the US, so they can get some dough flowing back to the family. I would not be surprised if there are many more siblings.

The kid could be Maria's or Rose's, or frankly anyone's as a pawn actor. Kid could be a nephew or a friend's kid. If I were in that position, f***ing a guy who can only last 30 seconds really wouldn't be a problem if doing so could support my family. I think this is a joint effort.  And I do not blame them one bit. Get him, gurls!

[Frozendiva]

BGV and Usman: That's right, Lisa, storm out and throw a tantrum because you are not getting your way. You are hoping to marry a man from another country and culture and religion. You should have asked what is expected of you and then made a decision about 'marriage'. And you should have looked in to any documents you would need for a legal marriage in Nigeria. And ask yourself why this guy is determined to marry you. I would walk away, Usman. She is not worth the misery you will experience til you get the Green Card.

David and Lana: Maybe someone was housesitting for you and looking after your cat or cats? Who knows who Lana really is, if she even exists. The profile sites can be using a stock photo of just about anyone who did some modelling shots. You blew a lot of money on a fantasy woman who may not exist. And now you are looking to spend more. You haven't been extorted so you have only yourself to blame and put an end to it and spend your money elsewhere. The PI is not going to help you unless you spend even more money.

Yolanda and Weeyums: You could have saved yourself a lot of cash and heartache by doing a Google search on your athletic 'Englishman'. Since the scammer has asked for money and is doing some blackmail, you can go to the Vegas cyber crimes office to report it. There are a lot of naïve people and you are one of them. Farewell, Yolanda.  You're not even really a cat fish because there was never exactly a fish involved.

Erika and Steph: Steph, you really want Erika to dump you. You could have asked Erika what her mum and dad like and then bought a hostess gift for them. Erika's parents are really cool and Erika is very lucky to have parents who are understanding, don't judge her and don't kick her out of the house for who she is. They love her. Erika is deserving of someone a bit more lively and not someone who goes on and on about her debilitating illness.

Geoffrey and Varya: I did not need to see the sauna and nude stuff. Varya should have beaten him much harder with the branches. If the camera crew wasn't there, I would have expected Geoffrey to maybe be a bit more aggressive to her. And him proposing? Really?

Ed and Rose: Good for Rose for standing up for herself and calling out Mr. Mayo on his crap behaviour to her. Maybe she and her sister were in cahoots to get some money out of him. He certainly hasn't been a gentleman to her - one seriously looking for a wife. Just someone to be a semi servant to him. Let Rose find some other mark. Rose may not be honest herself - Prince may or may not be her son. She may not be 23 and may be just around 18 or so. The relationship is unbalanced. And yeah, Ed, she does not see you as her soulmate. Just an escape from poverty.

Darcey and Tom: Darcey, don't waste the postage on the key. You just want Tom to contact you again. Throw the key out. Tom, go back to Trawna to see your 'Shannon'. How you treated Darcey will be how you treat Shannon or whoever comes in to your life.

Avery and Ash: Ash, you never answer a question without your relationship coach babbling and turning things in to constructs and such. Avery really wasn't being that hard on you. Far too defensive. Throwing an adult tantrum because Avery wasn't agreeing with your POV and that she needed to be treated as a woman was garbage. Who is going to take any advice from you? Leaving in a huff because your tricks didn't work is immature and manipulative. Avery has your number and area code now.

 

[LaLaLaLa]

I'm pretty sure Darcey made a copy of that "key" before she sent it back to Tom. 

[Dobian]

I hate it when you hire a private investigator and he goes and lies to you like that.  Those damn Ukrainian P.I. scammers!  Don't let them destroy your relationship, David!

[Auntie Anxiety]

1 hour ago, Frozendiva said:

Yolanda and Weeyums: You could have saved yourself a lot of cash and heartache by doing a Google search on your athletic 'Englishman'. Since the scammer has asked for money and is doing some blackmail, you can go to the Vegas cyber crimes office to report it.

Eh, I think it was all producer driven. No blackmail, just play acting (and very bad acting it is). No one could be that stupid.

[RealReality]

9 hours ago, Mrs. Hanson said:

I agree!! I never need to see Darcy, Stacy, Tom or Jesse ever again!!!

If they try to make Tom and his Canadian squeeze happen I'm gonna nope right out.  Like no, I don't really even want to see Tom, and now he is trying to make this girl happen too? 

No thanks.  

52 minutes ago, Dobian said:

I hate it when you hire a private investigator and he goes and lies to you like that.  Those damn Ukrainian P.I. scammers!  Don't let them destroy your relationship, David!

LOL, that PI got paid to do a two minute reverse image Google search.  Ha ha, like everyone in that country is fleecing David.  

[RealReality]

3 hours ago, Alonzo Mosely FBI said:

You GO fierce Rose ! Woot!!! 

Her hair was blown out perfectly, beautiful dress and pendant necklace. Simple. Screw your hero complex Ed. She is poor but she was fierce &  proud....Money can't buy you class. Elegance is learned my friend! 

This.  I'm proud of her for standing up for herself even though it means she has to live in squalor and poverty.  

 

[xls]

8 minutes ago, RealReality said:

If they try to make Tom and his Canadian squeeze happen I'm gonna nope right out.  Like no, I don't really even want to see Tom, and now he is trying to make this girl happen too? 

No thanks.  

LOL, that PI got paid to do a two minute reverse image Google search.  Ha ha, like everyone in that country is fleecing David.  

She's even more fakey-looking than Darcey !

[RealReality]

3 hours ago, Adeejay said:

If David has a family, I hope they stage an intervention.  He is either a lunatic or a fool.

When Ash asked Avery, “don’t I make you feel like a woman?” I wanted to throw something at the television.  What the heck does that even mean? For a guy who is a relationship coach, he doesn't seem to know anything about being in a relationship.  

LOL, he is weird.  He wants to bark about being a man, but he is a self employed "relationship coach" maybe gigalo.  

At 38 he cannot afford a plane ticket for his gf to visit him and he was denied entry due to a bankruptcy.  He is living with his brother and I suspect his brother pays the mortgage/rent.  

Avery has a solid job and career in the medical field.  Yeah dental assistants may not be rolling in the dough, but from where I sit, she would likely be the one bringing home the bacon.  Especially when the economy takes a dump and people cannot afford luxuries like their relationship coach/gigalo. 

Like if you wanna talk all this mess about traditional roles and how you're the man, get a solid gig. 

6 minutes ago, xls said:

She's even more fakey-looking than Darcey !

I noticed that.  I guess Tom has a type?

[RealReality]

5 hours ago, Baltimore Betty said:

How does David have a full trash can if he was in Russia?

Nothing about David's place says he had or has extra money to spend on on line chats with bots.

Compared to his place Debbie and Colt's place looks like a cover of Architectural Digest.

His place looks like the furniture section at a goodwill.  

Maybe he was waiting for Lana to move in and spruce up the place?  

5 hours ago, spunky said:

Ash has tantrum and runs away because his nothing box is empty. 

Producer out of ear shot: If you want your check, you better act right,(Speculation).

Ash: Scurries back to his spot. 

Side note: Is this the same producer from MAFS?

That producer was not here to play!  His "what's going on here?" was very clearly a "where the hell do you think YOURE going?"

[nutella fitzgerald]

8 hours ago, iwasish said:

So let’s see how the Ed thing plays out. How serious is Rose about more kids vs going to the USA. If she figures out that he hasn’t done the snip snip yet, she can still get pregnant before he does. All it takes is a box of condoms and a needle. Sadly I know a couple of women who had “just one more” via that method. She could even be pregnant after the one or two times they’ve had sex. Or will Ed back off his stance and agree to more children? 

 

 

Rose took a third option, and I am here for it.

[Chilly]

I can't believe how irrational Ash is. Avery needs to run away, he has legit crazy eyes and is trying to break her down by calling her mean and uncaring. All because she challenged his opinions and called him out on his bullshit gender roles.  

[Chippings]

I keep wondering about David, he keeps saying "They don't know her like I do, we talked for seven years".  But he never says what she ever said that convinces him that he 'knows' her.    When I correspond with people, I'll eventually mention what I have been doing, or what I've been interested in, and the people around me.  What did she tell him, ever, about anything?  Except the candy store .  that.  If he "knows" her, what does he know? ?  It can't have all been emojis and 'You look pretty today' and 'I miss you Baby' -- can it?   The story is completely bizarre and he's mad as a hatter, but the story has this empty center, too.   

[nutella fitzgerald]

2 minutes ago, Chippings said:

I keep wondering about David, he keeps saying "They don't know her like I do, we talked for seven years".  But he never says what she ever said that convinces him that he 'knows' her.    When I correspond with people, I'll eventually mention what I have been doing, or what I've been interested in, and the people around me.  What did she tell him, ever, about anything?  Except the candy store .  that.  If he "knows" her, what does he know? ?  It can't have all been emojis and 'You look pretty today' and 'I miss you Baby' -- can it?   The story is completely bizarre and he's mad as a hatter, but the story has this empty center, too.   

You forgot the “yes, mmmm”.

[bravofan27]

I'm not sure what Avery and Ash are arguing about. Ash feels that his job is to make his woman feel sexy and desired, take her out, and wax poetic about how amazing she is. That stuff doesn't help Avery feel secure, and she wants him to open up and confide in her and discuss the logistics about him moving to the US. They just aren't compatible. Also, I think Ash was cool with coming to the US when he thought he could continue his same mojo in the US as he does at home (maybe having a girlfriend, but also having lots of action on the side and feeling like it's okay because he says nice things to everyone), but Avery is not about to let him work with single women in the US-- let alone spend all day talking to them "one-on-one."

I was surprised that David insisted that Lana was not getting paid for talking to him. She must have told him that she was using the agency because she was too shy to give out her real phone number. Or maybe because she didn't have a phone, but she was too shy to get one. I don't know. David seems convinced that she is some virgin Russian princess who cowers around men and he is the only man she ever talks to. It also surprised me that he insisted that Lana had her picture stolen and was being used by scammers on different sites. He  must have known that and questioned her about it before.

I was very happy that Rose told off Ed. He would be the biggest pain in the ass to be in a relationship with-- constantly micromanaging while at the same time being extremely high maintenance.

[MajorNelson]

So many crash and burns, all at once.  Good!

[JocelynCavanaugh]

Usman: I have serious cultural differences with my American girlfriend and her very American attitudes about gender roles.

Also Usman: I must live in America. I will not be happy until I live in America with Americans. 

Ash's response to Avery very diplomatically pointing out some issues with his stupid talk was to gaslight, accuse her of cruelty, and whinge about his "pain." She handled it much better than I would have, but I can't figure out why she even stuck around to have the conversation. It's obviously not going to work out with the bug-eyed caveman plagiarist, so why waste her time? She should go enjoy MelbOURNe on her own without having to navigate the minefield that is Ash's extremely addled, "feminine" brain.

I guess I don't see how Ed is that much worse than Rose. They're both in this for something other than romantic love between two people of comparable age, looks (?), and socioeconomic status. Yes, he should have definitely brought up the kid thing sooner. Rose is entitled to have a few more kids she can't afford, I guess. If her plan was to get a "rich" (LOL) American to bankroll that dream, well, that's a plan with tradeoffs, my chick. Maybe aim higher than 4'10" next time.

If someone in an equally matched relationship wrote to an advice column to ask what to do about their partner's atrocious breath, I imagine the columnist would suggest the person bring it up calmly but directly, and perhaps offer a solution, such as mouthwash. Ed shouldn't have done this on camera, but he had a right to mention it. Is he just supposed to deal with it because...? To intuit that a young woman has an ulcer, and know that ulcers cause halitosis? (I didn't know that until this show.) These are two kind of gross people who are unwilling to change for each other. Shut it down. "Take the L," as Robert said to David on Pillow Talk.

David and Yolanda are obviously meant for each other, but they both feel entitled to imaginary young hotties from sexy lands. Neither can see that they're both just decent looking, middle-aged Americans with marshmallows for brains.

Someone upthread (or previous thread?) mentioned another, similar Catfish episode, but it reminded me of the guy who was absolutely positive that Katy Perry had been messaging him from a Canadian phone number since before, and throughout, her marriage to Russell Brand. Even after Nev dragged that fool to England and introduced him to a woman who said "Hi, I'm so-and-so, and I'm the one you've been texting. Here's proof," that guy was like, nah. He actually believed the woman was conveying a secret message from Katy through symbolic language. This man is the only one who ever came close to the Vegas Idiot Twins' delusions.

When will we get the 90DF/Catfish crossover we deserve? I know that one is Discovery and one is Viacom, but if Disney and Warner Bros. could come together for Who Framed Roger Rabbit? then I believe we can make this happen.

[gavinmac]

5 hours ago, Pixilicious said:

It was great seeing Rose tell off that disgusting pig 😁

That was shocking to me. I've never heard of an impoverished  Filipina telling an American boyfriend "I'm done. The green card isn't worth this."

 

[magemaud]

1 hour ago, RealReality said:

His place looks like the furniture section at a goodwil

I thought he was getting rid of his worldly goods in order to move into the $300K RV?

[mamadrama]

20 minutes ago, JocelynCavanaugh said:

Usman: I have serious cultural differences with my American girlfriend and her very American attitudes about gender roles.

Also Usman: I must live in America. I will not be happy until I live in America with Americans. 

Ash's response to Avery very diplomatically pointing out some issues with his stupid talk was to gaslight, accuse her of cruelty, and whinge about his "pain." She handled it much better than I would have, but I can't figure out why she even stuck around to have the conversation. It's obviously not going to work out with the bug-eyed caveman plagiarist, so why waste her time? She should go enjoy MelbOURNe on her own without having to navigate the minefield that is Ash's extremely addled, "feminine" brain.

I guess I don't see how Ed is that much worse than Rose. They're both in this for something other than romantic love between two people of comparable age, looks (?), and socioeconomic status. Yes, he should have definitely brought up the kid thing sooner. Rose is entitled to have a few more kids she can't afford, I guess. If her plan was to get a "rich" (LOL) American to bankroll that dream, well, that's a plan with tradeoffs, my chick. Maybe aim higher than 4'10" next time.

If someone in an equally matched relationship wrote to an advice column to ask what to do about their partner's atrocious breath, I imagine the columnist would suggest the person bring it up calmly but directly, and perhaps offer a solution, such as mouthwash. Ed shouldn't have done this on camera, but he had a right to mention it. Is he just supposed to deal with it because...? To intuit that a young woman has an ulcer, and know that ulcers cause halitosis? (I didn't know that until this show.) These are two kind of gross people who are unwilling to change for each other. Shut it down. "Take the L," as Robert said to David on Pillow Talk.

 

Ed and Rose were both looking for something that the other could provide, that is true. Ed, however, lied by omission and kept vital information from Rose until after he'd slept with her. He knew from the beginning that he didn't want children and she did. This sounds like a deal breaker for her. He could've told her this upfront and maybe she would have gone about it differently. Perhaps she'd have changed her mind and decided that she could let that dream go. But he didn't. Knowing that she wanted kids and that he didn't, he waited to tell her until after she became emotionally involved, after having sex with her and telling the world about it on national (international) television, after meeting her family (including her son), and after he'd already put HER through several tests to ensure that she was good enough for him.

[antfitz]

How many Soulmates has Jeffrey had? Lol.... And he still hasn't told her about his other wives. Such a  douche.

Ed is creepy. He should have told rose 1st . He used her for sex before he told her.  I hope she really is through with him. She can get any guy in America.

Then there's Mr. Crazy eyes. How Did she ever fall for him even on the Internet?

 And there are the scammers. Do they need to be beat over the head? You can tell the guy is fake because only foreigners not familiar with English would say William's instead of William.  And that goofball goes to Russia 4 times and he keeps paying money to some website that charges him just to talk to her. Has it ever dawned on him that she gets part of that money. It's hard to believe there are so many losers on one show.  My bet is that he goes to Russia yet again. Closure is knowing you've been had.

Edited May 4, 2020 by antfitz

[antfitz]

1 hour ago, mamadrama said:

Ed and Rose were both looking for something that the other could provide, that is true. Ed, however, lied by omission and kept vital information from Rose until after he'd slept with her. He knew from the beginning that he didn't want children and she did. This sounds like a deal breaker for her. He could've told her this upfront and maybe she would have gone about it differently. Perhaps she'd have changed her mind and decided that she could let that dream go. But he didn't. Knowing that she wanted kids and that he didn't, he waited to tell her until after she became emotionally involved, after having sex with her and telling the world about it on national (international) television, after meeting her family (including her son), and after he'd already put HER through several tests to ensure that she was good enough for him.

 It is it creepy douche and used her.

[InternetToughGuy]

Thankfully the episode has been reduced from 3 hours back to 2, as I am glad to stomach less crap, which is the complete opposite of the American fast food glutton. In addition to that reason, there being less to type about is also welcomed, as I would like to avoid any comparisons to David by typing up 3000 word essays filled with self deprecation, although at least to my credit, I am not trying to seduce any (alleged) women with them, unless re-examining my questionable value as a partner forces my potential dating pool to shrink to solely pension collectors, please don’t go too far from your computer.

***

You’d think Lisa is wearing such a thick covering over her to prevent any more sun damage to her skin, but when you appear to be the age of a maxed out odometer, why even bother. Lisa’s trash talking sounds like an angry promo on the microphone between professional wrestlers, though I think Usman wants to hit her for real. The remark of Usman and Lisa meeting “50/50” sounds more like her dividing her true age of 100 in half to sound less senile. Usman may pack on several decades of premature aging within a few weeks of married life to this banshee.

***

It’s odd how Ed doesn’t want to swim in the ocean, when he’s already salty about so many things. Ed would be one of the few grown men in this world that I would feel comfortable confronting in real life, unless when the doctor told me what my actual height was, I was just pretending he said 5’2 to conform to my delusions of masculinity - I'm sure being shorter than Ed of all people is one way to get doctor support for legal euthanasia.

Rose responding to Ed’s compliments sounds like a primitive A.I. program, since being complimented by him should magically summon a cease and desist order from your shirt sleeve. Ed didn’t say anything about wanting kids before because he got too overconfident by the toughness that being behind a computer screen can cause - in fact after every one of my posts, I run to my front door and safely bolt all 10 locks and latches shut, just in case Geoffrey finds my address. I spent most of this segment typing because Rose’s lobotomized voice makes me rather hear Ed grabbing the boom microphone and wet farting on it in comparison.

***

Erika in that still photo looks like an insane clown, although more dedicated than most party clowns, since few clowns make their costume a permanent part of their appearance. With that many self inflicted doodles and piercings, I’m sure her Dad will be thrilled that she’s only bisexual - this plot will really be lost when she inevitably declares herself to be a femme butch nonbinary soulsexual next year. I don’t know how this coming out schtick is supposed to be an actual “plot” due to how Erika looks; if I showed up at the dinner table with pink hair, I’m sure my Dad would be holding a funeral for his son despite me standing beside him.

***

Has anyone noticed Yolanda’s face in these still photos seems to be getting angrier? Also, I guess nobody has questioned how he’d take those photos of himself unless he had a friend who was such a gigantic loser that he had nothing better to do than snap shirtless pics of another man. I made the mistake of taking what I thought were muscular photos after I bench pressed my birth weight (with great difficulty) - I promptly received several emails from interested scientists who wanted to know if the cadaver was for sale.

Seeing Yolanda get depressed over the fantasy unraveling is hilarious. Since he’s muscular, could Williams be using stocky photos? With Yolanda in this saddened and vulnerable state, perhaps she wouldn’t even notice my scummy ass crawling in through the living room window to do a drum solo on Karra’s rear. I applaud the courage of Yolanda’s son to wear the Primitive shirt, as if to subtly suggest his Mother’s brain failed to evolve past the Cro Magnon stage.

***

Seeing that Varya is 30, that means I only have 3.5 years to become a woman - it’s a terribly slow rate of progress when I measure improvement by the crowd reaction of going into female department stores from getting laughed at to only being given looks of deep pity. Seeing Geoffrey take his shirt off, I was compelled to make some remark about how his muscles make me stupid in some way, but my eye was automatically drawn to his gigantic package - comparing mine with his makes me confident that I have at least some Japanese ancestry.

With Varya’s reservations about Geoffrey’s drug smuggling past and Geoffrey's disdain for her talking to other men, it makes them have more in common than they realize, as they’re both uncomfortable by the thought of each other cramming things in their holes. Then again the thought of Varya even hugging a man before the age of 40 made me put my foot through my Playstation like a psycho.

***

Ash’s unwillingness to talk in public is a pretty smart idea, considering the clouds are giant microphones put in the sky by the government for the sake of eavesdropping - I wrap a full roll of tin foil around my head just to check the mailbox. Does Ash have any social skills with women at all? I say this as someone who refers to women by their cup size, which is probably why my telemarketing job never worked out, as I couldn’t see who I was talking to.

***

With how relentless he’s pursuing this illusion, you’d think his name was Avid. With how long and embarrassing his endeavor has been, all history books should revise the Seven Years War to refer to David’s battle with his own psychoses. It seems his friend is walking on egg shells (the ones from the egg on his face) as if he cannot outright vocalize how moronic he thinks David is. How stupid David must feel if he knew how many wild whoopees with 18 year olds $100,000 could’ve bought him. Him dropping dead from a boner pill induced heart attack while surrounded by strippers sounds like the most respectable way he could’ve gone out.

***

It’s odd that Darcey is from Middle-town, while her emotional outbursts constantly swing from high to low. Darcey’s fake nails look like they belong to a homeless leper; do they serve any purpose aside from makeshift scalpels, lest she notice another defect in the mirror? Tom saying “hey baby” will be blaring through my sound system on repeat while I speedwalk on the treadmill in women’s underwear. This is in my basement, as I have been banned from all exercise facilities in town.

***

Even if Lisa looks 100 years old, I would still ask her about what life was like before the invention of soap, as her scent takes me back to the days before running water and standard hygiene protocol. Luckily nobody will claim Lisa as their husband; not even on the worst post-wisdom tooth removal drug trip. If Usman possesses a functional brain, you’d think anything affecting the plans of having to bed Ogopogo would make him start singing angelic hymns. I’d like to see a before and after of the complexion of Lisa’s ex husband; I’m sure after the divorce was finalized, a beam of light shone down as the clouds of Lisa’s b.o. parted and he looked 30 years younger.

***

My God, Erika’s Mom is fat. Walmart fat. I hate sharks since the name “Great White” suggests racial supremacism. Her Dad asking if they’re having a ball is trying to gauge if testicles are still on her mind in any capacity. Have to applaud her Dad for suggesting rice by literally going against the “grain” instead of yelling. I’m sure her Dad would genuinely go into a rage while the camera is filming him, knowing a Twitter lynch mob would come after him - then again there’s not much threat there, since most users on there are on the extreme ends of being twiggy bitches and (some days yes, some days not) women whose weight is the same as their year of birth. This segment is so long. I am in pain.

***

David’s female friend kinda looks hot despite being old, which is a compliment I never NEVER give out - I will proceed with caution, though, as a single hard thrust may turn her into dust. Damn, this is hilarious. Imagine me of all people, who watches this show while in a diaper pointing and laughing at him like I rank any higher on the social totem pole. I hope at least one person entertains his delusions so the entertainment can keep coming.

***

In the still image, Ed looked kind of like a mob boss, but with the next shot of him being shirtless, I say he is more of an authority on moobs. How paradoxical Ed wants to be with “Rows” when this relationship is without a paddle. If Rose wants a baby, I just happened to be taking my regression fetish to a disturbing level - I’m taller than Ed and probably smell better even when sitting in crapped pants, so I am a natural step up.

***

Do people really Facetime in public? Do people really leave their house? Asking anymore questions will reveal me to be far more mentally crippled than I’ve let on. I’d like to know how old Shannon is, since she looks at least 10 years younger than Tom. If Tom could blame all the relationship trouble with Darcey solely on her being old, I would believe every word. Somehow even when being sworn at by a supple 18 year old sounds like a heavenly symphony.

***

Not that his body really suggests it, but Ash has the face and temperament of someone with extreme roid rage. I say his physique is pretty lame and would taunt him with “do you even lift, bro?”, though if I were called out on my own body, I’m sure I’d be asked if I can even life my own arms above my head. Even the name Ash suggests the flame of their relationship has burned out, just like this tired pun I abuse in every post. Ash sucks at talking, how is he supposed to be a dating coach, unless he also refers to dating success as 5 minute bursts with a woman’s poo place. I would just shut up and bask at Avery’s feet. After that emotional spat, I’d comfort her with a hug, although knowing Ash had recently plowed her, I would be encased in saran wrap.

***

Ending on Varya and Geoffrey is a sour note. They’ve had a really fast dating time frame, as in they’ve crammed a decade’s worth of arguments into around an hour of total screen time. One can only pray they both blow their voices out to provide each other some respite from bickering. Geoffrey saying he came all the way to Russia to “meat” her sounds like the ultimate fratboy remark - since she didn’t recoil, I guess you can get away with saying anything when you have muscles. I was about to laugh at Geoffrey’s sudden proposal before realizing him on one knee is still taller than me on a stool. I am worthless.

////

Ed saying “I fell on love with you on Facebook” sounds like something a 14 year old boy would later recount in total horror. I don’t get why Ed wants to try so hard to get Rose since it would be a loveless marriage and he’d be emptying his pockets to support a son who isn’t his and will probably be able to subdue him with headlocks when he’s 12 and usurp the position of “man” of the house.

I am glad to see David has stopped (or started) taking his Big Pharma medication, as the poisons are rotting what was already a fragile mind. I haven’t decided on what the best outcome of this would be, but whatever makes him act delusional is a win.

Ash trying to man-ipulate Avery shows that he’s once again resorting to subtle male chauvinism. Avery saying she doesn’t want her partner to be “worked up” made me gleefully tear up my resume, thinking that she fantasizes about seeing me sleep til 4pm while constantly outstretching my hand for money I refuse to earn myself.

Usually I’d condemn any proposal where the woman actually thinks about it, but upon second thought, with how many people eagerly want to surrender control of their relationship to the government, it makes me glad my girlfriend only exists in cartoon form.

With her appearance, you’d think Erika coming out would be out of a jack in the box. You’d think Stephanie saying she was bye-sexual, she’d be referring to the total loss of libido as a side effect from one of her many medications. Of course they have another big fight - with how eager they are to throw down, I’d be surprised if they both didn’t have shaved heads. Erika looked better without all the pastel smearings on her face. Whose side I would take depends on who would offer me pity sex - now that’s a modality much needed in today’s justice system.

[antfitz]

On 4/30/2020 at 7:41 PM, mamadrama said:

I'm a writer who's worked from home for the past 10 years. My 13 yo son has cancer and has been homeschooled since August. My husband teaches for a state university, but all his classes have been online since last summer. He has a part time job at the dollar general, but it was deemed essential since our county doesn't have any other grocery stores besides the DG and Save a Lot. Absolutely nothing has changed for us. Last fall we complained about being home all the time, but now we see that it was actually an advantage. Because of his illness, we've been wearing masks in public, spraying ourselves down with Lysol, and disinfecting every day for months. We haven't eaten out since before Christmas. He only leaves for doctor appointments. For once I feel like our disadvantage has been helpful because life has gone on as usual. It's been a really challenging year for us, but at least I feel like we were prepared for the pandemic. I will be as glad as anyone when all this is over, though. For a year we've lived in fear that even a cold would kill our son. We never expected an actual pandemic. Also, I miss restaurants. 

I had my husband watch this preview and he was disgusted by Ed and Dave. He said that if Dave truly is faking this storyline then his friends should all drop him for putting them through this. 

They really went all out finding assholes for this season, didn't they?

 I am so sorry to read about your son. I hope he improves and that he can beat this cancer.  I lost my mother to an incurable cancer so I do understand. I have a much better attitude than most people would.

Yes they brought on a lot of douches for the show.  So many losers.  Where do they find these pathetic males that won't believe their being scammed when it's some young good looking woman.

 As always Darcy is Darcy. Another pathetic American. It's embarrassing to see people from your country acting like this.

[antfitz]

On 5/2/2020 at 3:27 AM, RealReality said:

I cannot even begin to imagine.  I think I saw a picture the other day of some unmasked deranged looking guy right in an officers face. 

I won't get too far into the weeds but it's disappointing that people seem to be getting away with blatantly violating lawful orders. 

No constitutional right is absolute.   I cannot think of a single one. 

Good for you.  I feel the same way, and I really reacted to that ignorant guy yelling in the officers face.

Everyone take a little time to remember Kent state. If you do not know it read about it. It was 50 years ago today, when the government randomly opened fire on college students .  The students were un armed, 4 were killed and some have been paralyzed. Just a reminder of how crazy things can get.

Edited May 4, 2020 by antfitz

[Alonzo Mosely FBI]

4 hours ago, RealReality said:

His place looks like the furniture section at a goodwill.  

This is exactly what it looks like crooked lampshades none matching and faded 80s furniture.  Does he only own one pair of those black pants?

2 hours ago, JocelynCavanaugh said:

When will we get the 90DF/Catfish crossover we deserve? 

100% agree that David IS a job for Nev.

Before David literally hurts someone. He is not ok.

[cynicat]

3 hours ago, JocelynCavanaugh said:

If someone in an equally matched relationship wrote to an advice column to ask what to do about their partner's atrocious breath, I imagine the columnist would suggest the person bring it up calmly but directly, and perhaps offer a solution, such as mouthwash. Ed shouldn't have done this on camera, but he had a right to mention it. Is he just supposed to deal with it because...? To intuit that a young woman has an ulcer, and know that ulcers cause halitosis? (I didn't know that until this show.) These are two kind of gross people who are unwilling to change for each other. Shut it down. "Take the L," as Robert said to David on Pillow Talk.

I don't think his mentioning her breath was so much the problem as it was for him to imply that she doesn't brush her teeth or even know what a toothbrush is.  My take is that's what she was most insulted about.

 

3 hours ago, gavinmac said:

That was shocking to me. I've never heard of an impoverished  Filipina telling an American boyfriend "I'm done. The green card isn't worth this."

Wow.

[DEL901]

7 hours ago, Dobian said:

I hate it when you hire a private investigator and he goes and lies to you like that.  Those damn Ukrainian P.I. scammers!  Don't let them destroy your relationship, David!

If the PI was going to defraud or play him, he would have said he was on her trail, send more money.    And don’t shoot the messenger.   She was just translating. 

5 hours ago, Chippings said:

I keep wondering about David, he keeps saying "They don't know her like I do, we talked for seven years".  But he never says what she ever said that convinces him that he 'knows' her.    When I correspond with people, I'll eventually mention what I have been doing, or what I've been interested in, and the people around me.  What did she tell him, ever, about anything?  Except the candy store .  that.  If he "knows" her, what does he know? ?  It can't have all been emojis and 'You look pretty today' and 'I miss you Baby' -- can it?   The story is completely bizarre and he's mad as a hatter, but the story has this empty center, too.   

Yes, what exactly does he know about her?   Her mother’s name?   What she does for a living?  What about the names of her friends?  What does she do for a living?  What does she do for fun besides bowling, horse back riding and scamming gullible Americans?

Edited May 4, 2020 by DEL901

[My Girls]

6 hours ago, RealReality said:

I noticed that.  I guess Tom has a type?

I hope that "type" is Crazy Ass Bitch - I'd pay to watch that action!  

[Gobi]

I think both Yolanda's and David's stories are fake. There may be a grain of truth in them, such as being catfished/scammed at some point in the past, but this looks and smells like BS. As I've commented before, David has far too much experience dating real Ukrainian women for this to be true.