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  1. It seems this show is losing popularity even here, since there are so few posters and discussion ends hours within airing. Not like there's anything to talk about. I've realized that putting in effort for a show I hate to watch, hate to talk about, and for people whose Primetimer avatars aren't naked selfies is self torture for no reason. As you can tell, I had nothing to say at all and writing this crappy post wasn't enjoyable. /// John Wines - A bite sized summary for Gen Z would be "slay Queen", an actual summary would be it was alright. Probably won't go very far. Brynn Cummings - I must have a hidden talent for ventriloquism, as during these acts my lips as well as eyeballs and every muscle in between fails to respond. The drawn out delivery was annoying. Roland Abante - Asking how he got into the country is redundant at this point when the money alloted for the wall will be spent on a 1000 mile wide welcome mat. After what feels like pride decade, I had to assume the lyric "When a man loves a woman" was a Weird Al parody of a song meant to brainwash kids. I got nothing to say. Riccardo Pace - The squeaky fart sound is what would come out upon opening the U.S. Treasury purse. Anyway, I used to obsess about people's height, but now I obsess about age - I thought he looked pretty old for 21. Ahren Belisle - He looks like me when I actually have to back up my Facebook threats. He was pretty good for the first half before he started talking about race; it's a sensitive topic when it has anything remotely to do with me. Grace Good - Well she looked decent Alfie Andrew - It was alright David Rush - I don't mean he's fearless when I say Howie is afraid of nothing, as I asked a well respected scientist for any proof confirming the idea of germs wasn't a lie and he hung up. Nothing to say of course. Alexandr Leshchenko - I think the applause they got for being from Ukraine was louder than for the actual performance. Herwan Legaillard - Didn't look cause I was grossed out; a reaction usually reserved for overweight singers Chioma & The Atlanta Drum Academy - It was alright. /// This show is trash.
  2. This show really flu bye, as in it was so long I became ill and had to turn the TV off. It was actually probably better than last week's, though. /// Christopher (Lambros) Garcia - Since most martial arts focus on attacking the air leading to helplessness in a real fight, the transition to dance isn't as much of a dent to one's masculinity as one might think. I was initially judgmental of his choice, before my extremely poor memory kicked in and recalled that Bruce Lee invented KPop. Anyways, the act was boring and I don't know who it's for. He says he is bullied at school, which makes me feel as though shaping your behavior for others' approval isn't such a bad thing, although when I'm told adult men are supposed to work and contribute to society has me spouting off ideas about being a lone wolf while simultaneously holding out my hand for the allowance I should've stopped receiving 20 years ago. Oh yeah, the act. Boring. Sainted Trap Choir - They said in their intro to watch your mouth because they're from the south, which I will interpret as staying out of the whole city to avoid being on the receiving end of the knockout game after the hostile activity of minding your own business. Another quip was the leader saying AGT puts people on the map, which to use that metaphor, Forte are like the Bermuda Triangle of relevance. Overall it's an interesting idea, especially since rap is the biggest genre (if going by BMI, that'd be gospel) but doing nothing but covers would be pretty unfulfilling. The version that aired on TV included them doing Bad and Boujee, which isn't on the YouTube upload, possibly because the phone call threatening legal action from the 5 foot 2 featured artist Lil Uzi Vert was possibly answered by a 4'11 Filipeno receptionist and thus taken seriously. Ramadhani Brothers - This act was probably born out of their Father telling them "I'm sure if you put your heads together you can come up with something". Anyways, an actual good act is rarer than a sighting of the downright false Halley's Comet, but this was actually entertaining. When they posed on top of the ladder, I figured they were imitating the star decoration on top of a Kwanzaa tree, even though that is based on nothing as usual. Due to their last name, you would figure they've been fasting all month to get such lean physiques. Good act for once. Virginia Stone - She called for a husband that didn't come, probably because he's hanging out with teenagers like a normal old man. AvantGardey - I wonder if there will be any temptation to switch the language of this act after it's realized that the United States is a Chinese-owned company. Anyways, I liked the act, though not knowing how old they are makes me unsure of whether to clap for only their talent or their appearance as well. Putri Ariani - I was thinking that Kodi Lee got a gender and ethnicity surgery to top up a level of relevance that dwindled to near zero 5 minutes after his season ended. Stupidity aside, they do seem pretty similar. We were treated to two songs in a row, which described in the most journalistic styling I can muster "stunk". She said her goal was to win a Grammy, which is the most meaningless metric these days, which is odd for her to be 17 and somehow not realize. Mandy Muden - Wanting to be complimentary as well as rude, I was thinking "I wish she was my great great grandmother". For once I will say a woman this old made me rock hard, which is to say a stone statue, since I was expressionless the entire time. I don't even know why that is, since looking at everyone in the audience act so lively while I look freshly exhumed certainly doesn't make me think my behavior is correct. The act was what you already saw coming. Never much to say. Zoe Erianna Cuí - She's apparently big on TikTok, which means up to 0.01% of her following will be tuning into this. Born This Weigh is a nice fat acceptance anthem for overweight Americans to blame their doughy physiques on various glands they can't name or locate. No one wants to see this. Muhamed Kahrimanovic - I don't know if it's this month's festivities or my own neuroses that made the sight of large nuts being smashed into a pulp so satisfying, but I thought it was a joke that he supposedly fell so short of his own record, but I guess not. I heard Guinness presented a certificate to commemorate the record for "longest perpetuated lie" to the inventor of the globe after the show. Good for him. Mitch Rossell - I haven't lost a family member, so I have no idea, but does a loss from 25 years ago still affect you that much? The song was pretty decent, so I have nothing bad to say other than him saying how he was more into sports made me think this song was originally written on a tennis racket. *ahem*. Anyways, Howie said the song will be the #1 most downloaded song by tomorrow, which much like Americans wearing "only" size 40 jeans is a measurement that lost meaning long ago. Ray Wold - This act was pretty good. I was pretty sure I had seen knives being thrown while on fire on TV before and then I remembered that iconic game show called the Minneapolis riots where the grand prize of negative $500 million was given to the community. Yep. There's never anything to say when the act actually delivers. Props to his Mom for participating, even though she probably secretly hopes for one of the knives to hit her, since despite turning 30 this year, I still think life is over after high school. /// Not terrible. Not good. NEVER good. That's about all you can hope for.
  3. Unless I wasn't paying attention (I wasn't), I recall the story being essentially "a bad thing happened a long time ago to people who aren't even here". Maybe emotional to the pregnant women demographic, but sounds like a pretty low bar for a sob story.
  4. My lord, that was hell. The last season still feels like a fresh wound, so that would explain why there was zero anticipation for this. Usually I wait until the 18th year to say how I really feel about a "bitch" to avoid backlash, but this show is the exception, as I've been complaining for a decade. I'm not satisfied with what I wrote, but what can you do when the show is a genuine 0/10. /// T-Rex Flips - On an as always unrelated note, it seems every Asian named Patrick is guaranteed exempt from the Chinese military due to the 5'3 height requirement, I laughingly say while refusing to take off my Father's thickest loafers when leaving the house to avoid being pointed at. Anyway, the act was boring. It's hard to tell whether the American audience was cheering at a rarely seen 90 second burst of cardio or if it's confirmed that anything suggesting existence beyond a short 6000 year window is deemed pure entertainment. I got nothing to say, about this act or any other, which is basically the whole point. Philip Bowen - Since he's from Detroit, I'm guessing the original owner of that violin is 50 robberies removed. He should really think of moving to the slightly better but still terrible Gary, Indiana if he wants to feel safe in comparison but still not safe at all. Hmm..anyways, there's nothing to say as usual, as this act has been done many times before, such as that violin playing kid from last year(?) whose name I genuinely don't remember - the epitome of fame. Steel Panther - I kept going back and forth between thinking this was actually them or not, but my level of care for both options remained at zero. Insert picture of me itching my ass. Allan Reinikka - Old men are getting sexier by the day. Yum. Nancy LaFancy - I was surprised that this unhinged rainbow makeup covered being wasn't charging into an elementary school. Three G - All of them looking healthy made me think they must be from the unaffected part of Ukraine, which in my imagination made me picture a map of the entire country blooming with posies, despite the new national flower being the money tree. I can say this with some fire in my voice, as my donations to the cause have ceased as girls stopped calling me a nice person for doing it. It was pretty rare for them to show the act fail several times without some grand redemption, which made it slightly more interesting, even though if they were 35, I'd have fallen asleep with my mouth open. Trigg Watson - With the amount of times I've wished to be able to touch (or taste) TikTok, he's really wasted this opportunity. The audience was clapping when augmented reality was on the screen, which reminded me of the past several years of people in masks overreacting to something that wasn't really there. *snooze* Kozo - The audience claps every time someone is from a different country, almost as if bypassing a useless border security is an accomplishment. I got nothing. D’Corey Johnson - Calling him "d'cor" for short implies that this would be pleasant for the senses, but as expected it was boring. If you thought I would somehow misinterpret him singing the song "Open Arms" to imply him endorsing the second amendment and me chucking a full smoothie at the TV in idiocy, you'd be right. If he wants to be in Hamilton in several years, I guess Broadway is the only entertainment where productions have any sort of staying power, since everything these days is so transient. Of course as the collective attention span continues to dwindle, by the time he's old enough to join, there's a possibility that Broadway will turn into the cast reacting to a previously filmed performance. Shadow Ace - He made me feel a little less obsessed about height as I laughed at the TV "He's probably only 5.35866656 feet tall!". Due to his effeminate voice, I wonder if his Father is concerned with what he's doing with his fingers in the dark, although I appreciate the shoutout to Beyonce, as I also idolize attractive women who like men way older and uglier than themselves. I found it a little hard to follow as the only puppets I am familiar with are the ones masquerading as world leaders, a truth I seem to forget come election season when a family member doesn't support the same stooge. Orlando Leyba - It got boring really quick. Mzansi Youth Choir - They claim to be from "beautiful" Johannesburg, which I guess when having to drive through urine soaked Skid Row to get to the AGT venue, anything would look good. They said the choir's founders were carjacked 20 years ago, which is a long time to hold onto any non-girl related issue, I write as I dab the tear from my aged and withered cheek remembering a certain unrequited middle school valentine. Singing was boring. /// It was so hard to think of anything to say about this, since I don't talk about the actual acts. I'm in pain.
  5. Everyone on the forum should get together and present a "F*ck You" cake to the show for another season of "why did I do that to myself". The show wasn't even that bad, but the finale went on so long, it made me feel total relief that this is the last one. Since The Black Eyed Peas' heyday were back before their name described the government's new food pyramid of protein, it's not surprising that the younger generation falsely accredits Tekashi 69 with pioneering "music(?)". I wondered where Fergie was, since my knowledge of women is so limited, I assume she should still be trying to prove she is young and hot at age 47. On a serious note, the Peas must be one of the most hellish acts to perform live since they just jump in place with no instruments talking about having a good time, even though the members' definition of that has probably changed to reading a good book and lights out at 8:30 now that they're all like 50. Skipping over unimportant crap, that roast was so bad and you'd think the applause was turned up in the production truck or the whole audience just got released from a work camp and had hypersensitive amygdalas, since I don't think there was a single good line. The Mayyas winning was expected, though I still hugged the TV like a confused old pervert. Now that the credits have rolled, the memories of the contestants' names will leave faster than a rocket that was claimed to have left the atmosphere but actually only went up a few hundred feet (read a banned history book, would you). Anyways, spending 30 hours watching this season and 30 hours of typing about it has been very unenjoyable unpaid labor, I'd rather give mass murderers funky haircuts as the respected prison barber, at least respected until they learn why I'm there and impale me with my own tools.
  6. Damn, it feels like I got nothing to say, probably because my attachment to which person who isn't me winning a million dollars is extremely low - either that or shitting on people who are more talented and better looking than me stopped being fun when I realized how pathetic I am. /// Kristy Sellars - With her dancing in front of rapidly changing screens of flashing noise, this act just may hold the youth's attention span for 30 seconds. The opening act curses anyone who gets it, so all this will get is her giving fake applause at the news of receiving 7th place. There could've been text flashing across the screen describing in detail the physical exertion required to perform this and I still would've been fixated on imagining what the sweaty poles taste like. Nicolas Ribs - I don't know if his name is an allusion to him being a starving artist, which would make him more American, since 99% of the nation's creative people have no idea that they are starving because their crap isn't worth paying for, though Americans have a very different idea of what starving means. Anyways, even though I stared at the TV with full attention while my Game Boy was locked in a Houdini-esque box, I barely had any idea what was going on. He opened the act by saying more English than the typical Texan hears in a month. He ends the act by saying the real magic is family, which I'm sure he believes so long as his daughter is one of the few people who didn't have to wait until age 40 to move out. I haven't even touched 30 yet and upon getting up at 6pm, my parents force me outside to spend all night in the yard like a dog who pissed on the rug. Chapel Hart - It's a little annoying that it's evident the thought process of "Hmm...now that we're getting more exposure, perhaps I should take my health more seriously" never crossed the main singer's mind, even though the stained track pants I have on are more symbolic of my commitment to staying away from the gym, so who am I to judge (unless on my fake Facebook account). The vocal quality was really bad for most of it and the subject material seemed to suggest the song had been stuck in creative hell since before they were born, as the only thing Americans can be proud of is how a country with no money can keep going another day. Mike E. Winfield - Most of the material was funny, especially the ongoing joke in the background of him being seriously involved with an older woman, I kept having to pause the show to let out noises of hysterics mixed with condolences. He had a remark about the mall, which I legitimately didn't understand, possibly because the only thing to do at the mall is walk from the food court and count the number of vacancies until you get to the Ross store that is one bad weekend away from closing. Metaphysic - I was prepared to be underwhelmed at the "big name" they were teasing, since on shows like The Masked Singer, the hosts lose their mind over someone whose album peaked at 196 for a lone week in 2002. Anyways, I guess underwhelmed is what I felt, since modern sightings of Elvis filled to the gills with adrenochrome are common among the communities of paranoid men who went bald in middle school. Since the camera didn't show the guy standing in for Elvis, you had no idea how much the camera was doing, although you'd have to go back to the beginning of his career for the camera to only add 10 pounds. Mayyas - It felt like I was actually in Lebanon with how in heat this performance made me. Even being a fan of Kpop where most of the groups consist of 20+ nameless performers, it seems like they keep adding new members, especially since their performances from other shows in 2019 have a completely different roster. Perhaps the troupe leader has realized that the girls are disposable after their 2-3 year shelf life expires - I can only imagine how he'd treat me after learning my presence in his country would be dependent on sucking up the nation's tax dollars while contributing nothing. The performance wasn't as good as the others, probably because only having a week isn't enough time to practice synchronizing 80 moving parts of a leaf, but nonetheless their genre still makes such a thing disappointing. Avery Dixon - Having heard the news that the NAACP are demanding Avery and Mike be made co-winners, it feels like this performance is more of a victory lap than having to prove something (OK, angry Twitter accounts are not a reliable source). While not knowing much about music, I can say Dix did a great blow job (a rare time I'm giggling) and this would be a much more worthy Vegas show than someone paying $500 to watch a no name sing covers. Avery playing something that looks like it's made of solid gold when the economy is on the verge of collapse is also a bold move. Celia Munoz - It's hard to believe there could be an act consisting of opera music and forgotten souls that isn't Forte, but here we are. She's one of the more likeable acts, possibly because a lot of the competition is just flat out annoying like usual. The spirit making the apple levitate and then her biting into it of her own volition makes the typical American unsure of whether to categorize this as a horror film or self harm. Obviously not much to say other than it was good. Sara James - Having read about this performance earlier, I had been anxiously awaiting a sight of Kate's bush, despite knowing me misreading the description was far more likely than the network teasing an FCC violation in advance. As far as covers go, it was alright. It's odd a song so old could still resonate today, especially when its title describes physical movement not taking place in a car. I don't know who would pay several hundred dollars to see this in person, especially me, since 5 minutes in and I'd be waiting for an adult to help secure my Playstation Portable to my face like an oxygen mask. Yu Hojin - With how popular it is, the average person probably does think Korean GDP is 95% Kpop, which is why a magician being from there seems a bit odd, although kudos to him for finding a career that doesn't have a dozen members fighting over the remaining 10% of money that the abusive manager forgot to steal. His trick was a definite downgrade from before, as it seemed like everything was happening on the light-free table - a scene reminiscent of what the earth looked like at night before the moon was installed in the 1950s. Overall boring. Drake Milligan - Due to the collective attention span being in the toilet, 90% of the viewing audience probably thought this was his first time on the show, so a repeat performance of a song didn't hurt him at all. The screen behind him showing cars trying to ram each other off the road reminded me of how me and my adult nephew behave during midterms (relatively civil), since we save our full blown brainwashed behavior for the real election. The acoustic guitar is never audible in the mix, so I never understand what the point is, especially since Drake is so far away from the audience, unlike The Wiggles, he doesn't have to keep his hands busy to avoid accusations (that is actually why they pose with their hands in photos). His last name being Mill-again suggests he won money in a previous season, which was my main paranoid complaint in my routine Tuesday night harassing phone call to a clueless NBC receptionist. /// It's depressing that this is the last performance, even though another dozen episodes of this show has only made me hate it more, while simultaneously praying it gets another spinoff season in Winter.
  7. The show continuing into September is always fake and knowing there's only one week left makes it hard to care - I didn't write anything yesterday due to being sick all week, but while watching, I realized there was nothing to say, which is funny since when do I ever write about what's happening on screen anyways. Howie apologizes to the people of Japan with feigned sincerity, which you'd think they wouldn't appreciate, since they did use their precious 2 minute lunch break to write those tweets. The Mayyas are obviously winning, but the favored treatment they get is making me not like them. Not that I can stay mad at them, since they are pretty much what you'd get if you built the perfect girl from scratch, other than lacking an arm of trashy tattoos and a bad attitude, both of which they'll probably acquire after their first week in America. The & Juliet performance was bad, I hate Roar so much. Having watched this, you'd still have no idea what the play is about, especially me, since the voice I thought I heard at the beginning telling everyone to take out their Game Boys and nod off was probably imaginary. Already knew Celia would go through, so my bored face was as lively as an American who only got 20 hours of sleep last night. The show sucked and I wrote this with zero interest.
  8. Assuming those 2 sentences are related, the comedian was the wild card out of 4 people to get to this round. There should still be one spot in the finals for someone who got eliminated, though I'm sure Terry has said how that'll work a dozen times, I don't remember if it's a fan vote or a judge pick. Putting on a sleep mask and ear plugs as soon as the show starts leads to missing out on those details.
  9. I thought I knew something about stretching something past the point of comfort as last year's national jelqing champion, but these results shows are brutally long for what is roughly 7 minutes of real material. The Riverdance opening seemed ill fitting and once again convinced me every man involved was gay, since the sound of tap shoes send some sort of signal to the gaydar, yet the Kpop boy bands who dance, wear makeup, and share a dorm where they spend the night tickling each other and giggling doesn't raise any suspicions (OK, maybe not that last part). In the modern attention-based economy, for the kids who start gasping for air if the next video on their YouTube playlist takes 2 seconds to buffer, saying this tour won't start until January means it will be forgotten the second they get off the stage, which it was no matter which demographic was watching. The 3 minute recap from last night felt like a life review, since I'm guessing more than a few people died in their sleep while watching yesterday. The time wasting segment of asking judges questions was numbing. Unless she was a paid stooge, I don't know what a middle aged woman would be doing looking at Sofia's Instagram stories and I don't know why Sofia would be posting them anyways. Instagram should be for 18 year olds and those who want to manipulate 18 year olds, which explains why my vocabulary is extremely large only when thinking of synonyms for search queries related to father issues. I never liked Piff and his tricks are usually the magic drag-on, as he makes 5 minutes feel like 20, though the trick was OK. Explaining who got eliminated and when like I'm quietly discussing athlete stats on PGA commentary is unneeded, so for the final 2, I don't see why anyone would vote for the boring opera act, even though I know the real answer is that they didn't, as votes in any scenario don't do anything, so there is no need to mold my personality (and fighting stance) out of delusional loyalty to an on-screen character. Anyway, it was surprising to see Mike go through, though I expected Lily to win and then like an old choose your adventure computer game, Mike to claim racism and the camera cuts to Mike holding the million dollar check, which of course would make me freak out and demand that money go to bailing out a crooked CEO. Next week looks good, which looking up in my AGT to English dictionary means that it may be slightly tolerable when drowned out by 4 Xbox consoles on at the same time.
  10. I somehow didn't realize there were 5 episodes of this round, so the several week long countdown for the Mayyas to perform (which could be just standing there for all I care) has been all for nothing. Tonight's wasn't too bad (I said that before typing the post: it was bad). /// Bayley Graham - I could've sworn his name was Baileys Gram, since I need a drink and a smoke to stay awake and the show's only been on for 30 seconds, mercy me. I'm guessing the show's unofficial tagline of "the world's biggest stage" doesn't apply to this, since this act only needs enough space for the size of a broom closet, a plus if he wants to do birthday parties in San Francisco's $5000 a month apartments. As usual, the first act of the night is pretty much their swan song, so there's no reason to care. The Ed Sheeran song Shape of You (stylized "Out Of Shape Ew" in America) didn't enhance the act at all. Boring. Acapop! - It started off alright, though I realized that my chronic headaches only come on when someone who isn't a girl is speaking. The song was decent, though the seemingly ambiguous topic made me confused as to which multicolored flag I'll have to hang from my car in hopes of receiving pats on the head for being a good person. Howie buzzing was funny, especially since it didn't seem much better than something you'd see at a high school, unless they're all in middle school, in which performing at a high school would be a big deal. Jannick Holste - Another gay guy who was a weird obsession with Heidi, I guess as his best imitation of a straight man's behavior in a relationship with a 50 year old, which is a bond with intimacy so ice cold, a whole box of Viagra is only enough for the man to offer a cordial hug before complaining of his aching back and retiring to the other room. He says he grew up in a small town in Germany, which made me shed a tear due to the town probably only consisting of 70% Nigerian immigrants. Not like he would've gone through anyways, but broadcasters having already gotten a taste of his flambuoyant mannerisms, the performance has probably been preemptively banned in all red states, thus missing out on millions of votes. I don't even remember what happened during this. Lee Collinson - Odd of him to sing a song about flowers when hailing from England, a place where they can't grow due to the sun being an urban legend on the caliber of Bigfoot. The song was OK, as are most of these young female emotional venting ballads (that are probably written by a team of 60 year old perverts), but I still felt like I was trapped in a snowy cave and had to do jumping jacks to stay awake. Jack Williams - He wins the prestigious award of straightest face I've given out this season, which I guess is mild praise, since the stinkeye is usually the expression given and this was as neutral as you can get. The material could've been written better, like the quote "Terry Fator is crying right now" didn't make a lot of sense due to it being within the act that was good, though he probably is crying having likely realized by now that ventriloquism is the most ineffective way to get hot young women to go back to his dressing room. I got nothing. Metaphysic - The technology to misrepresent reality on television is clearly already here, yet not integrated to this degree on the nightly news (the thing I attack my neighbor with blunt objects to defend its' accuracy). The way the preceding video made it seem was as if they were going to do something different, but it's the same boring crap. Terry being given the high voice to suggest his physique is the result of copious steroids and not a shred of discipline made me let out a sigh of relief. As is usually pointed out, how would this fill up a whole show? The Lazy Generation - They really live up to their name, since it's obvious they didn't plan this out enough, though since they didn't immediately shift blame to their parents, they really are from a time where being suicidal on Twitter wasn't normal. This just looked like they were all randomly flopping around on stage, so it was terrible. I'd like to think all the self mutilation to their genitals is some sort of profound statement on being unable to afford having kids, but every man is driven to have a stepson of his own, so cost or anything else won't stop that. Sigh. Merissa Beddows - She looks so much more mature than 23, though anyone who doesn't appear to whine to their Father for money daily causes me to raise my eyebrows in concern. I don't see why anyone would go see an impressionist, since there's the quick "oh!" and then having to sit there for 5 minutes while they drag the same voice out. The Celine Dion and Amy Lee voices were good, as the music they made back when they were taut and 20 years old filled with me joy and hope, which has since given way to refusing to listen to Amy and having been convinced that Celine has been dead for several decades. I got nothing. Harper - A surprisingly conservative move for her to go by a mononym in an era where parents can't sleep unless their Instagram photos of their kids are tagged with their full name and exact geolocation. This performance was pretty decent. There is actually a metal remix of this song with the Bring Me The Horizon singer, in case you wanted to hear a man in his 30s sound like he's having a childish tantrum for some reason. Was OK. Mike E Winfield - In what most men under 20 consider an act of intense mental stamina, he went an entire 3 minutes without identifying as a woman, since he was actually good. Despite around half of the jokes landing, his delivery was solid enough for it to be consistent all the way through. I guess not having a physical handicap allows him to clearly communicate without issue, though him seeking out an older woman qualifies as some sort of mental impairment. If he does well, he'll probably land a couple side pieces and stay with his wife for joke material. Lily Meola - Other than me wanting to act like a butterfly and cram my face in her flower, I'm struggling with any vague parallels that would suggest I paid much attention. You know I'm thoroughly brainwashed by medical school when I conclude the real cause of cancer related deaths is not enough poisons masquerading as treatment - a stark contrast to the Indian gurus who say they can induce instant healing while simultaneously claiming that showing proof is just ego. If I ever get sick, the method in which I waste my life savings will be determined by loudest audience cheer 👏. Song was boring, I clearly have nothing to say. /// I don't know if it was just this episode, but there was nothing to say, it was just totally unremarkable in every regard.
  11. I got nothing to say, which I guess has been my schtick since the beginning, but I just don't care today. This was another time of confusing AGT with WWF due to the outcomes likely being predetermined as well as boredom making me wrestle with the idea of ending it all, though being that dramatic over a TV show that isn't Degrassi is a bit much. The results show always feels twice as long due to nothing happening, this new format is terrible. If the performance shows were as long as the 3 minute recaps they show on the results shows, they might actually be tolerable, though due to loss of advertising revenue, Terry would have to scream "Drink Coke!" over the whole thing, thus rendering it unwatchable. There's not really anything to say for most of these shows, since breaking down who got eliminated and when like I'm analyzing stats on ESPN SportsCenter would be pointless. The Simon and Howie segment was funny, though I may be influenced due to them being in their 60s and thus the peak of male attractiveness. Seeing Kodi Lee's mother brought me back to the fond memories from a few seasons ago of watching her segments with my hand in my pants like Al Bundy. Treasure those moments. To be vaguely serious for a moment, Kodi's career seemed pretty exaggerated, since I remember checking his site months ago and he played at a winery in the middle of nowhere and that was about it, so without the AGT banner reuniting a dozen people no one would care about on their own, he doesn't seem very big. The Journey guitarist looked great for 68, he might be able to get a hot young wife whose reason for being with him was only 97% for the money. He did look way better than the guy covered in shitty tattoos, which kind of goes without saying. It's funny how you'd have to assume this song is like 70 years old due to how he makes being on a Detroit train at midnight sound relaxing. The modern reality is the odd dichotomy of being afraid of getting murdered at every moment while being convinced that 99% of the city's population is in prison. Nicolas deserved his spot, while Sara is being given the undeserved worship, which makes me huff like a teen girl who won't say what's wrong. 5 days off from this crap sounds great.
  12. Oh sweet apathy... /// MPLUSPLUS - The name of the act vaguely alludes to my fantasy of making a Japanese girl double pregnant, despite the amount of parenting I'd contribute would remain zero. All of these light show acts seem to act like they have invented it, yet their concepts seem nearly identical. It seems this act could only tour outside of Japan, as these frantic displays of neon are required in Tokyo for the employees in skyscrapers to distract their minds from the idea that still being at work at 4am is anything abnormal. Overall the act wasn't that good. Even if this was an all-female production, I would still blame the nearest man. JoJo and Bri - The guy's name sounds like me calling out to the waitress at the diner for two cups of coffee to try and stay awake during this crap. It's hard not to call this act a gimmick, since there's no one more important in a girl's life than her uncle - the awkward side hugs given at family gatherings are essential to their development. I was bored. Cline Twins - Anticipating this performance to not live up to their audition, I've spent the past few weeks referring to them as "De-Cline Twins" in a German accent, as cyber crimes have caused me to flee to Berlin (I accidentally called a 17 year old girl pretty, Lord help!). Anyway, this is an activity that most Canadians have probably indulged in before due to the country being frozen solid for 8 months a year, though the dedication to pursue excellence in such a limited field is commendable. It's hard to imagine this getting any bigger, so they probably won't go through, but it was OK. Amanda Mammana - I wanted to give the poor girl a hug, not only to gulp the scent off her neck like an emphysema patient, but she seemed depressed that a reason for her stutter wasn't found, likely unaware that doctors' days are filled with prescribing poisons and coordinating fundraisers to cure problems that were solved 50 years ago. Her initials being AM is no coincidence, as this is probably where a large portion of the audience fell asleep. Too many damn singers tonight. XOMG POP! - As a fan of girl groups who look and act like they are 10 (as in KPop), this almost feels like a cheap rip off, perhaps because an adult caricature of annoyance can't compare to the migraine of the real thing. I find it hard to believe the oldest member (15) would want to hang around 10 year olds due to the large difference in maturity, I say while typing in my childhood bedroom pushing 30. Even though the only fans are kids (and those on a certain publicly accessible database), I can still say their audition was better. Nicolas Ribs - I'd love to leap into the air to hug his daughter, naively assuming the language barrier somehow prevents him from knocking me out in an instant. Anyway, this act was one of the extremely rare ones where I understood the intention of this show was for you to actually look in the direction of your TV instead of at the floor. I have nothing to make his act about me since it was actually good. Mia Morris - Due to how rough the punk lifestyle is, in 5 years, the pet name of Morris-y I originally gave her will likely become a way of saying she looks like a 63 year old Englishman. Then again, punk nowadays is demanding you do what the government says with some expletives sprinkled in to trick you into thinking it's rebellious. Anyways, the song wasn't that good, but it became kind of charming at the end. It goes without saying Ed Sheeran is way better at using a loop pedal on stage, but since the idea of pulling his pants down has never crossed my mind, they may be tied for overall musicianship. Hayden Kristal - If any of these female comediennes wanted to bring their best material, they would briefly transition to an FTM to allow a smidge of male humor to come through. This routine reminded me of the droning on smalltalk (with a woman who does not possess a grossly unrealistic porn physique) where you're just tapping your foot and going "yeah, uh huh, hehe". Not much to say, though the remark about Facebook hearing her conversations makes me like to think she reads this forum. Celia Muñoz - Apparently she was imitating Olivia Newton John, which I had no idea, and I wouldn't expect the American crowd to know a "Grease" other than the one clogging their arteries. It was a pretty decent act. She seems to be one step ahead of the bald gold-hoarding tin foilers in making sure the government can't read your lips from afar. Funkanometry - I'd love to go backstage and ask if the boxed F on their shirts was a nod at the periodic table of elements likely being bullshit, at least before they called me an idiot and I ran away in tears. Their audition was better than this and this one was kind of hard to sit through, perhaps because since their audition I've added another screen to my 20+ monitor setup and am that much more lacking in attention. When they're eliminated tomorrow, their being forced back to Canada will feel more like watching judicial punishment, as I am aware of how terrible a fate it is to live there. Sara James - Seems like a real odd choice in giving her the prime spot, since these boring singers seem to have little appeal aside from random old women tweeting out "what a voice" to their zero followers. Between the song Rocket Man and Elton constantly wearing star-shaped sunglasses, he seems to get a real kick out of taunting the public about the voyage that never was. I never know what song these acts do since it all sounds like boring moaning. A better song choice would have been Benny (as in Ben Bernanke) And The Jets (as in chemtrails) - oh how I'd like to spend $5000 on Elton tickets to yell these unfounded accusations at him from the front row. Of course me doing that and seeing me get the lifetime ban from the venue that would inevitably follow would be way more entertaining than this crap. /// I can't wait to falsely reminisce on tonight when the results show makes me pick imaginary mites out of my skin.
  13. Finally, a scenario where the public's votes aren't immediately funnelled from the ballot box directly into a garbage can, though that also means I won't get to wrestle my brother in law in the driveway over political ideologies that we don't actually understand. This was boring crap, though. Having such a lengthy recap from last night makes sense due to so many people losing consciousness, but having to relive it is annoying. Fusion Japan was obviously not going to make it, but still depressing - good thing the group has so many men to put the blame on. I'd say they should be punished with working in the coal mines, but Japan's only world export is anime for perverts, so 1000 hours of low paid keyframe drawing should be enough. The Sonic lounge seems utterly pointless, especially since it seems everyone was just pretending to eat it. Hearing the brand name did make me have a eureka moment in concluding "the speed of sound" is fake. As usual, no explanation will be given. Jon Dorenbos was an act that once again made me feel as if I was really there, not due to sensory immersion, but because I felt like a baby crying out for my Game Boy needing to be distracted, since the setup took forever. The current date trick with 4 lockers could be done at any time in the future, as I believe the years will go until 6000 and then start over, at least that's the conclusion me and my pastor made while wearing horse blinders at the dinosaur exhibit and destroying any display piece that didn't attribute a scientific discovery to Christ. The cheerleaders coming out was a nice touch, although made me feel inferior, as the women I keep caged in my cellar never look half as lively. Shortly after they emerged, the TV closed captioning mistakenly said one of the girls was only to turn 18 next week, which made me look away with my eyes covered and then issue an apology to the miserable Twitter mob. Online subservience in the pursuit of retweets is normal behavior compared to that, I say as my unwashed ass judgingly glares out the window at my young neighbors with a 2 year age gap relationship. The top 2 were exactly who you'd think. Someone in Chapel Hart must be sleeping with a producer to get so much preferential onscreen treatment, possibly one whose fetish is eating several hundred pounds of chocolate in bed (the other kind, since the term for the usual definition would simply be "American"). Boring show, but next week's torture looks decent.
  14. Good lord, I am in pain - not the kind where I'd be charged $1000 just for walking past the front doors of an American hospital, but still uncomfortable. I can't believe there are still like 4+ weeks left. Interest in typing this was low. /// The Pack Drumline - I like cheering up my PTSD-ridden veteran neighbor by playing Katy Perry's song Firework on drums and playing hard enough for each note to sound like a C4 going off, so I was quite interested to see what they would do. The performance was alright, but being the opening act is a guaranteed sendoff. The background on stage was so distracting, but there's really nothing else you can use to describe their act other than the name in various pulsating fonts. The Brown Brothers - They went from (assumedly) hitting themselves to destroying entire villages overseas - isn't treatment for autism supposed to lessen the amount of harm caused? I guess they made it better, but after all of the imitations were in place, I guess they just finished with being themselves which was a real boring way to end it. Mr. Pants - I'm guessing this act was born out of being mugged of everything except his bottoms in Brooklyn, which is something New Yorkers seem awfully cavalier about, possibly because the Rockettes' trademark kicking dance was derived from kicking all the feces you encounter on the streets off of your loafers. The act was terrible as expected, but knowing from his perspective he hopes it goes well and likes doing it made me feel empathy. Fusion Japan - Lord, I worship women. Since they're Japanese, I'd switch my place of worship to a Shinto temple, fairly confident that I won't receive any divine punishment due to believing neither God is real. I thought it was a good performance, although they have little chance of moving on. I'd say they'd be disappointed in the 90 hour work week they put in to make this routine, but that much work is called Summer holidays over there. Freckled Zelda - She spoke of how much effort she put into practising this number, so rather than let my dislike of her previous act color my perception this time, I tried to imagine her work ethic, but unsurprisingly, my brain was only trying to picture her naked. I wonder if AGT fandom or TikTok viewership is more fleeting - I'd imagine TikTok viewers feel more loyalty due to the platform being portable and hence they will never have to face the horrors of being unentertained for a whole 30 seconds while fetching the newspaper ("oh boy, I wonder what they made up this week!"). Duo Rings - Damn, they make marriage look so sexy and exotic instead of the reality of spending 50% of all hours together bitching over whose turn it is to take out the trash. Having recently put my life savings into several cryptocurrencies I know for a fact are in a race to the bottom, I paid a bit more attention to this act as to how I should hang from the ceiling in the inevitable future when my false confidence is proven to be false for a reason. Other than that, the act was boring. Wyn Starks - When he said his brother died unexpectedly, my nostrils flared as I prepared to spout the "truths" that have gotten me locked out of my Twitter account 10 times. Anyway, he sang, that's about it. Aiko Tanaka - Perhaps the only woman over 40 that doesn't make me hiss like a feral ocelot, she is quite the spicy kimchi (not Japanese, I know), but the material was super bad. Despite her being Japanese, she walked out to a BTS song, who are Korean - the producer probably shared in the common public sentiment of not knowing the difference, even though KPop fangirls would take that as a declaration of war. Possibly even worse than Mr. Pants, who is another act that would be a lot better by not wearing trousers. Madison Taylor Baez - Despite having a fully grown brain, I interpreted the song Higher Love to be about women refusing to date me over my height and I attacked the TV. This was a good act to stare at the wall to. Any commentary about the vocal "runs" would equate to talking shit, so I have nothing to say. Yu Hojin - There's been so many Asian acts this episode, it makes me feel like the country is being taken over, which may be a good thing, as the dilution 125 million thin Japanese citizens would provide may bring the average BMI down to something almost resembling health. Anyway, as boring as magic usually is, this was pretty entertaining. For his ability to sell himself to so many people in one evening, I will shorten his name to just "Yu Ho". Chapel Hart - Interesting the group was named after the other girl bringing pictures of Dave Chapelle and Kevin Hart to the hairdresser, even though it's false and stupid. I wonder how many times that Hart will need defibrillating if high energy concerts become a regular thing. Of course I have to get in a jab before acting like I'm concerned, but I'd be pissed if I were the other 2 girls and her health eventually became a great detriment to the act. They seem like one of the few acts ever that seem like they could have a career, though I'd sing the lyrics as "the girl (singular) is back in town" since I wouldn't even notice the other two. /// Damn that was hard to sit through.
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