InternetToughGuy

It seems this show is losing popularity even here, since there are so few posters and discussion ends hours within airing. Not like there's anything to talk about. I've realized that putting in effort for a show I hate to watch, hate to talk about, and for people whose Primetimer avatars aren't naked selfies is self torture for no reason. As you can tell, I had nothing to say at all and writing this crappy post wasn't enjoyable. /// John Wines - A bite sized summary for Gen Z would be "slay Queen", an actual summary would be it was alright. Probably won't go very far. Brynn Cummings - I must have a hidden talent for ventriloquism, as during these acts my lips as well as eyeballs and every muscle in between fails to respond. The drawn out delivery was annoying. Roland Abante - Asking how he got into the country is redundant at this point when the money alloted for the wall will be spent on a 1000 mile wide welcome mat. After what feels like pride decade, I had to assume the lyric "When a man loves a woman" was a Weird Al parody of a song meant to brainwash kids. I got nothing to say. Riccardo Pace - The squeaky fart sound is what would come out upon opening the U.S. Treasury purse. Anyway, I used to obsess about people's height, but now I obsess about age - I thought he looked pretty old for 21. Ahren Belisle - He looks like me when I actually have to back up my Facebook threats. He was pretty good for the first half before he started talking about race; it's a sensitive topic when it has anything remotely to do with me. Grace Good - Well she looked decent Alfie Andrew - It was alright David Rush - I don't mean he's fearless when I say Howie is afraid of nothing, as I asked a well respected scientist for any proof confirming the idea of germs wasn't a lie and he hung up. Nothing to say of course. Alexandr Leshchenko - I think the applause they got for being from Ukraine was louder than for the actual performance. Herwan Legaillard - Didn't look cause I was grossed out; a reaction usually reserved for overweight singers Chioma & The Atlanta Drum Academy - It was alright. /// This show is trash.

This show really flu bye, as in it was so long I became ill and had to turn the TV off. It was actually probably better than last week's, though. /// Christopher (Lambros) Garcia - Since most martial arts focus on attacking the air leading to helplessness in a real fight, the transition to dance isn't as much of a dent to one's masculinity as one might think. I was initially judgmental of his choice, before my extremely poor memory kicked in and recalled that Bruce Lee invented KPop. Anyways, the act was boring and I don't know who it's for. He says he is bullied at school, which makes me feel as though shaping your behavior for others' approval isn't such a bad thing, although when I'm told adult men are supposed to work and contribute to society has me spouting off ideas about being a lone wolf while simultaneously holding out my hand for the allowance I should've stopped receiving 20 years ago. Oh yeah, the act. Boring. Sainted Trap Choir - They said in their intro to watch your mouth because they're from the south, which I will interpret as staying out of the whole city to avoid being on the receiving end of the knockout game after the hostile activity of minding your own business. Another quip was the leader saying AGT puts people on the map, which to use that metaphor, Forte are like the Bermuda Triangle of relevance. Overall it's an interesting idea, especially since rap is the biggest genre (if going by BMI, that'd be gospel) but doing nothing but covers would be pretty unfulfilling. The version that aired on TV included them doing Bad and Boujee, which isn't on the YouTube upload, possibly because the phone call threatening legal action from the 5 foot 2 featured artist Lil Uzi Vert was possibly answered by a 4'11 Filipeno receptionist and thus taken seriously. Ramadhani Brothers - This act was probably born out of their Father telling them "I'm sure if you put your heads together you can come up with something". Anyways, an actual good act is rarer than a sighting of the downright false Halley's Comet, but this was actually entertaining. When they posed on top of the ladder, I figured they were imitating the star decoration on top of a Kwanzaa tree, even though that is based on nothing as usual. Due to their last name, you would figure they've been fasting all month to get such lean physiques. Good act for once. Virginia Stone - She called for a husband that didn't come, probably because he's hanging out with teenagers like a normal old man. AvantGardey - I wonder if there will be any temptation to switch the language of this act after it's realized that the United States is a Chinese-owned company. Anyways, I liked the act, though not knowing how old they are makes me unsure of whether to clap for only their talent or their appearance as well. Putri Ariani - I was thinking that Kodi Lee got a gender and ethnicity surgery to top up a level of relevance that dwindled to near zero 5 minutes after his season ended. Stupidity aside, they do seem pretty similar. We were treated to two songs in a row, which described in the most journalistic styling I can muster "stunk". She said her goal was to win a Grammy, which is the most meaningless metric these days, which is odd for her to be 17 and somehow not realize. Mandy Muden - Wanting to be complimentary as well as rude, I was thinking "I wish she was my great great grandmother". For once I will say a woman this old made me rock hard, which is to say a stone statue, since I was expressionless the entire time. I don't even know why that is, since looking at everyone in the audience act so lively while I look freshly exhumed certainly doesn't make me think my behavior is correct. The act was what you already saw coming. Never much to say. Zoe Erianna Cuí - She's apparently big on TikTok, which means up to 0.01% of her following will be tuning into this. Born This Weigh is a nice fat acceptance anthem for overweight Americans to blame their doughy physiques on various glands they can't name or locate. No one wants to see this. Muhamed Kahrimanovic - I don't know if it's this month's festivities or my own neuroses that made the sight of large nuts being smashed into a pulp so satisfying, but I thought it was a joke that he supposedly fell so short of his own record, but I guess not. I heard Guinness presented a certificate to commemorate the record for "longest perpetuated lie" to the inventor of the globe after the show. Good for him. Mitch Rossell - I haven't lost a family member, so I have no idea, but does a loss from 25 years ago still affect you that much? The song was pretty decent, so I have nothing bad to say other than him saying how he was more into sports made me think this song was originally written on a tennis racket. *ahem*. Anyways, Howie said the song will be the #1 most downloaded song by tomorrow, which much like Americans wearing "only" size 40 jeans is a measurement that lost meaning long ago. Ray Wold - This act was pretty good. I was pretty sure I had seen knives being thrown while on fire on TV before and then I remembered that iconic game show called the Minneapolis riots where the grand prize of negative $500 million was given to the community. Yep. There's never anything to say when the act actually delivers. Props to his Mom for participating, even though she probably secretly hopes for one of the knives to hit her, since despite turning 30 this year, I still think life is over after high school. /// Not terrible. Not good. NEVER good. That's about all you can hope for.

Unless I wasn't paying attention (I wasn't), I recall the story being essentially "a bad thing happened a long time ago to people who aren't even here". Maybe emotional to the pregnant women demographic, but sounds like a pretty low bar for a sob story.

My lord, that was hell. The last season still feels like a fresh wound, so that would explain why there was zero anticipation for this. Usually I wait until the 18th year to say how I really feel about a "bitch" to avoid backlash, but this show is the exception, as I've been complaining for a decade. I'm not satisfied with what I wrote, but what can you do when the show is a genuine 0/10. /// T-Rex Flips - On an as always unrelated note, it seems every Asian named Patrick is guaranteed exempt from the Chinese military due to the 5'3 height requirement, I laughingly say while refusing to take off my Father's thickest loafers when leaving the house to avoid being pointed at. Anyway, the act was boring. It's hard to tell whether the American audience was cheering at a rarely seen 90 second burst of cardio or if it's confirmed that anything suggesting existence beyond a short 6000 year window is deemed pure entertainment. I got nothing to say, about this act or any other, which is basically the whole point. Philip Bowen - Since he's from Detroit, I'm guessing the original owner of that violin is 50 robberies removed. He should really think of moving to the slightly better but still terrible Gary, Indiana if he wants to feel safe in comparison but still not safe at all. Hmm..anyways, there's nothing to say as usual, as this act has been done many times before, such as that violin playing kid from last year(?) whose name I genuinely don't remember - the epitome of fame. Steel Panther - I kept going back and forth between thinking this was actually them or not, but my level of care for both options remained at zero. Insert picture of me itching my ass. Allan Reinikka - Old men are getting sexier by the day. Yum. Nancy LaFancy - I was surprised that this unhinged rainbow makeup covered being wasn't charging into an elementary school. Three G - All of them looking healthy made me think they must be from the unaffected part of Ukraine, which in my imagination made me picture a map of the entire country blooming with posies, despite the new national flower being the money tree. I can say this with some fire in my voice, as my donations to the cause have ceased as girls stopped calling me a nice person for doing it. It was pretty rare for them to show the act fail several times without some grand redemption, which made it slightly more interesting, even though if they were 35, I'd have fallen asleep with my mouth open. Trigg Watson - With the amount of times I've wished to be able to touch (or taste) TikTok, he's really wasted this opportunity. The audience was clapping when augmented reality was on the screen, which reminded me of the past several years of people in masks overreacting to something that wasn't really there. *snooze* Kozo - The audience claps every time someone is from a different country, almost as if bypassing a useless border security is an accomplishment. I got nothing. D’Corey Johnson - Calling him "d'cor" for short implies that this would be pleasant for the senses, but as expected it was boring. If you thought I would somehow misinterpret him singing the song "Open Arms" to imply him endorsing the second amendment and me chucking a full smoothie at the TV in idiocy, you'd be right. If he wants to be in Hamilton in several years, I guess Broadway is the only entertainment where productions have any sort of staying power, since everything these days is so transient. Of course as the collective attention span continues to dwindle, by the time he's old enough to join, there's a possibility that Broadway will turn into the cast reacting to a previously filmed performance. Shadow Ace - He made me feel a little less obsessed about height as I laughed at the TV "He's probably only 5.35866656 feet tall!". Due to his effeminate voice, I wonder if his Father is concerned with what he's doing with his fingers in the dark, although I appreciate the shoutout to Beyonce, as I also idolize attractive women who like men way older and uglier than themselves. I found it a little hard to follow as the only puppets I am familiar with are the ones masquerading as world leaders, a truth I seem to forget come election season when a family member doesn't support the same stooge. Orlando Leyba - It got boring really quick. Mzansi Youth Choir - They claim to be from "beautiful" Johannesburg, which I guess when having to drive through urine soaked Skid Row to get to the AGT venue, anything would look good. They said the choir's founders were carjacked 20 years ago, which is a long time to hold onto any non-girl related issue, I write as I dab the tear from my aged and withered cheek remembering a certain unrequited middle school valentine. Singing was boring. /// It was so hard to think of anything to say about this, since I don't talk about the actual acts. I'm in pain.

Everyone on the forum should get together and present a "F*ck You" cake to the show for another season of "why did I do that to myself". The show wasn't even that bad, but the finale went on so long, it made me feel total relief that this is the last one. Since The Black Eyed Peas' heyday were back before their name described the government's new food pyramid of protein, it's not surprising that the younger generation falsely accredits Tekashi 69 with pioneering "music(?)". I wondered where Fergie was, since my knowledge of women is so limited, I assume she should still be trying to prove she is young and hot at age 47. On a serious note, the Peas must be one of the most hellish acts to perform live since they just jump in place with no instruments talking about having a good time, even though the members' definition of that has probably changed to reading a good book and lights out at 8:30 now that they're all like 50. Skipping over unimportant crap, that roast was so bad and you'd think the applause was turned up in the production truck or the whole audience just got released from a work camp and had hypersensitive amygdalas, since I don't think there was a single good line. The Mayyas winning was expected, though I still hugged the TV like a confused old pervert. Now that the credits have rolled, the memories of the contestants' names will leave faster than a rocket that was claimed to have left the atmosphere but actually only went up a few hundred feet (read a banned history book, would you). Anyways, spending 30 hours watching this season and 30 hours of typing about it has been very unenjoyable unpaid labor, I'd rather give mass murderers funky haircuts as the respected prison barber, at least respected until they learn why I'm there and impale me with my own tools.

Damn, it feels like I got nothing to say, probably because my attachment to which person who isn't me winning a million dollars is extremely low - either that or shitting on people who are more talented and better looking than me stopped being fun when I realized how pathetic I am. /// Kristy Sellars - With her dancing in front of rapidly changing screens of flashing noise, this act just may hold the youth's attention span for 30 seconds. The opening act curses anyone who gets it, so all this will get is her giving fake applause at the news of receiving 7th place. There could've been text flashing across the screen describing in detail the physical exertion required to perform this and I still would've been fixated on imagining what the sweaty poles taste like. Nicolas Ribs - I don't know if his name is an allusion to him being a starving artist, which would make him more American, since 99% of the nation's creative people have no idea that they are starving because their crap isn't worth paying for, though Americans have a very different idea of what starving means. Anyways, even though I stared at the TV with full attention while my Game Boy was locked in a Houdini-esque box, I barely had any idea what was going on. He opened the act by saying more English than the typical Texan hears in a month. He ends the act by saying the real magic is family, which I'm sure he believes so long as his daughter is one of the few people who didn't have to wait until age 40 to move out. I haven't even touched 30 yet and upon getting up at 6pm, my parents force me outside to spend all night in the yard like a dog who pissed on the rug. Chapel Hart - It's a little annoying that it's evident the thought process of "Hmm...now that we're getting more exposure, perhaps I should take my health more seriously" never crossed the main singer's mind, even though the stained track pants I have on are more symbolic of my commitment to staying away from the gym, so who am I to judge (unless on my fake Facebook account). The vocal quality was really bad for most of it and the subject material seemed to suggest the song had been stuck in creative hell since before they were born, as the only thing Americans can be proud of is how a country with no money can keep going another day. Mike E. Winfield - Most of the material was funny, especially the ongoing joke in the background of him being seriously involved with an older woman, I kept having to pause the show to let out noises of hysterics mixed with condolences. He had a remark about the mall, which I legitimately didn't understand, possibly because the only thing to do at the mall is walk from the food court and count the number of vacancies until you get to the Ross store that is one bad weekend away from closing. Metaphysic - I was prepared to be underwhelmed at the "big name" they were teasing, since on shows like The Masked Singer, the hosts lose their mind over someone whose album peaked at 196 for a lone week in 2002. Anyways, I guess underwhelmed is what I felt, since modern sightings of Elvis filled to the gills with adrenochrome are common among the communities of paranoid men who went bald in middle school. Since the camera didn't show the guy standing in for Elvis, you had no idea how much the camera was doing, although you'd have to go back to the beginning of his career for the camera to only add 10 pounds. Mayyas - It felt like I was actually in Lebanon with how in heat this performance made me. Even being a fan of Kpop where most of the groups consist of 20+ nameless performers, it seems like they keep adding new members, especially since their performances from other shows in 2019 have a completely different roster. Perhaps the troupe leader has realized that the girls are disposable after their 2-3 year shelf life expires - I can only imagine how he'd treat me after learning my presence in his country would be dependent on sucking up the nation's tax dollars while contributing nothing. The performance wasn't as good as the others, probably because only having a week isn't enough time to practice synchronizing 80 moving parts of a leaf, but nonetheless their genre still makes such a thing disappointing. Avery Dixon - Having heard the news that the NAACP are demanding Avery and Mike be made co-winners, it feels like this performance is more of a victory lap than having to prove something (OK, angry Twitter accounts are not a reliable source). While not knowing much about music, I can say Dix did a great blow job (a rare time I'm giggling) and this would be a much more worthy Vegas show than someone paying $500 to watch a no name sing covers. Avery playing something that looks like it's made of solid gold when the economy is on the verge of collapse is also a bold move. Celia Munoz - It's hard to believe there could be an act consisting of opera music and forgotten souls that isn't Forte, but here we are. She's one of the more likeable acts, possibly because a lot of the competition is just flat out annoying like usual. The spirit making the apple levitate and then her biting into it of her own volition makes the typical American unsure of whether to categorize this as a horror film or self harm. Obviously not much to say other than it was good. Sara James - Having read about this performance earlier, I had been anxiously awaiting a sight of Kate's bush, despite knowing me misreading the description was far more likely than the network teasing an FCC violation in advance. As far as covers go, it was alright. It's odd a song so old could still resonate today, especially when its title describes physical movement not taking place in a car. I don't know who would pay several hundred dollars to see this in person, especially me, since 5 minutes in and I'd be waiting for an adult to help secure my Playstation Portable to my face like an oxygen mask. Yu Hojin - With how popular it is, the average person probably does think Korean GDP is 95% Kpop, which is why a magician being from there seems a bit odd, although kudos to him for finding a career that doesn't have a dozen members fighting over the remaining 10% of money that the abusive manager forgot to steal. His trick was a definite downgrade from before, as it seemed like everything was happening on the light-free table - a scene reminiscent of what the earth looked like at night before the moon was installed in the 1950s. Overall boring. Drake Milligan - Due to the collective attention span being in the toilet, 90% of the viewing audience probably thought this was his first time on the show, so a repeat performance of a song didn't hurt him at all. The screen behind him showing cars trying to ram each other off the road reminded me of how me and my adult nephew behave during midterms (relatively civil), since we save our full blown brainwashed behavior for the real election. The acoustic guitar is never audible in the mix, so I never understand what the point is, especially since Drake is so far away from the audience, unlike The Wiggles, he doesn't have to keep his hands busy to avoid accusations (that is actually why they pose with their hands in photos). His last name being Mill-again suggests he won money in a previous season, which was my main paranoid complaint in my routine Tuesday night harassing phone call to a clueless NBC receptionist. /// It's depressing that this is the last performance, even though another dozen episodes of this show has only made me hate it more, while simultaneously praying it gets another spinoff season in Winter.

The show continuing into September is always fake and knowing there's only one week left makes it hard to care - I didn't write anything yesterday due to being sick all week, but while watching, I realized there was nothing to say, which is funny since when do I ever write about what's happening on screen anyways. Howie apologizes to the people of Japan with feigned sincerity, which you'd think they wouldn't appreciate, since they did use their precious 2 minute lunch break to write those tweets. The Mayyas are obviously winning, but the favored treatment they get is making me not like them. Not that I can stay mad at them, since they are pretty much what you'd get if you built the perfect girl from scratch, other than lacking an arm of trashy tattoos and a bad attitude, both of which they'll probably acquire after their first week in America. The & Juliet performance was bad, I hate Roar so much. Having watched this, you'd still have no idea what the play is about, especially me, since the voice I thought I heard at the beginning telling everyone to take out their Game Boys and nod off was probably imaginary. Already knew Celia would go through, so my bored face was as lively as an American who only got 20 hours of sleep last night. The show sucked and I wrote this with zero interest.

Assuming those 2 sentences are related, the comedian was the wild card out of 4 people to get to this round. There should still be one spot in the finals for someone who got eliminated, though I'm sure Terry has said how that'll work a dozen times, I don't remember if it's a fan vote or a judge pick. Putting on a sleep mask and ear plugs as soon as the show starts leads to missing out on those details.

I thought I knew something about stretching something past the point of comfort as last year's national jelqing champion, but these results shows are brutally long for what is roughly 7 minutes of real material. The Riverdance opening seemed ill fitting and once again convinced me every man involved was gay, since the sound of tap shoes send some sort of signal to the gaydar, yet the Kpop boy bands who dance, wear makeup, and share a dorm where they spend the night tickling each other and giggling doesn't raise any suspicions (OK, maybe not that last part). In the modern attention-based economy, for the kids who start gasping for air if the next video on their YouTube playlist takes 2 seconds to buffer, saying this tour won't start until January means it will be forgotten the second they get off the stage, which it was no matter which demographic was watching. The 3 minute recap from last night felt like a life review, since I'm guessing more than a few people died in their sleep while watching yesterday. The time wasting segment of asking judges questions was numbing. Unless she was a paid stooge, I don't know what a middle aged woman would be doing looking at Sofia's Instagram stories and I don't know why Sofia would be posting them anyways. Instagram should be for 18 year olds and those who want to manipulate 18 year olds, which explains why my vocabulary is extremely large only when thinking of synonyms for search queries related to father issues. I never liked Piff and his tricks are usually the magic drag-on, as he makes 5 minutes feel like 20, though the trick was OK. Explaining who got eliminated and when like I'm quietly discussing athlete stats on PGA commentary is unneeded, so for the final 2, I don't see why anyone would vote for the boring opera act, even though I know the real answer is that they didn't, as votes in any scenario don't do anything, so there is no need to mold my personality (and fighting stance) out of delusional loyalty to an on-screen character. Anyway, it was surprising to see Mike go through, though I expected Lily to win and then like an old choose your adventure computer game, Mike to claim racism and the camera cuts to Mike holding the million dollar check, which of course would make me freak out and demand that money go to bailing out a crooked CEO. Next week looks good, which looking up in my AGT to English dictionary means that it may be slightly tolerable when drowned out by 4 Xbox consoles on at the same time.

I somehow didn't realize there were 5 episodes of this round, so the several week long countdown for the Mayyas to perform (which could be just standing there for all I care) has been all for nothing. Tonight's wasn't too bad (I said that before typing the post: it was bad). /// Bayley Graham - I could've sworn his name was Baileys Gram, since I need a drink and a smoke to stay awake and the show's only been on for 30 seconds, mercy me. I'm guessing the show's unofficial tagline of "the world's biggest stage" doesn't apply to this, since this act only needs enough space for the size of a broom closet, a plus if he wants to do birthday parties in San Francisco's $5000 a month apartments. As usual, the first act of the night is pretty much their swan song, so there's no reason to care. The Ed Sheeran song Shape of You (stylized "Out Of Shape Ew" in America) didn't enhance the act at all. Boring. Acapop! - It started off alright, though I realized that my chronic headaches only come on when someone who isn't a girl is speaking. The song was decent, though the seemingly ambiguous topic made me confused as to which multicolored flag I'll have to hang from my car in hopes of receiving pats on the head for being a good person. Howie buzzing was funny, especially since it didn't seem much better than something you'd see at a high school, unless they're all in middle school, in which performing at a high school would be a big deal. Jannick Holste - Another gay guy who was a weird obsession with Heidi, I guess as his best imitation of a straight man's behavior in a relationship with a 50 year old, which is a bond with intimacy so ice cold, a whole box of Viagra is only enough for the man to offer a cordial hug before complaining of his aching back and retiring to the other room. He says he grew up in a small town in Germany, which made me shed a tear due to the town probably only consisting of 70% Nigerian immigrants. Not like he would've gone through anyways, but broadcasters having already gotten a taste of his flambuoyant mannerisms, the performance has probably been preemptively banned in all red states, thus missing out on millions of votes. I don't even remember what happened during this. Lee Collinson - Odd of him to sing a song about flowers when hailing from England, a place where they can't grow due to the sun being an urban legend on the caliber of Bigfoot. The song was OK, as are most of these young female emotional venting ballads (that are probably written by a team of 60 year old perverts), but I still felt like I was trapped in a snowy cave and had to do jumping jacks to stay awake. Jack Williams - He wins the prestigious award of straightest face I've given out this season, which I guess is mild praise, since the stinkeye is usually the expression given and this was as neutral as you can get. The material could've been written better, like the quote "Terry Fator is crying right now" didn't make a lot of sense due to it being within the act that was good, though he probably is crying having likely realized by now that ventriloquism is the most ineffective way to get hot young women to go back to his dressing room. I got nothing. Metaphysic - The technology to misrepresent reality on television is clearly already here, yet not integrated to this degree on the nightly news (the thing I attack my neighbor with blunt objects to defend its' accuracy). The way the preceding video made it seem was as if they were going to do something different, but it's the same boring crap. Terry being given the high voice to suggest his physique is the result of copious steroids and not a shred of discipline made me let out a sigh of relief. As is usually pointed out, how would this fill up a whole show? The Lazy Generation - They really live up to their name, since it's obvious they didn't plan this out enough, though since they didn't immediately shift blame to their parents, they really are from a time where being suicidal on Twitter wasn't normal. This just looked like they were all randomly flopping around on stage, so it was terrible. I'd like to think all the self mutilation to their genitals is some sort of profound statement on being unable to afford having kids, but every man is driven to have a stepson of his own, so cost or anything else won't stop that. Sigh. Merissa Beddows - She looks so much more mature than 23, though anyone who doesn't appear to whine to their Father for money daily causes me to raise my eyebrows in concern. I don't see why anyone would go see an impressionist, since there's the quick "oh!" and then having to sit there for 5 minutes while they drag the same voice out. The Celine Dion and Amy Lee voices were good, as the music they made back when they were taut and 20 years old filled with me joy and hope, which has since given way to refusing to listen to Amy and having been convinced that Celine has been dead for several decades. I got nothing. Harper - A surprisingly conservative move for her to go by a mononym in an era where parents can't sleep unless their Instagram photos of their kids are tagged with their full name and exact geolocation. This performance was pretty decent. There is actually a metal remix of this song with the Bring Me The Horizon singer, in case you wanted to hear a man in his 30s sound like he's having a childish tantrum for some reason. Was OK. Mike E Winfield - In what most men under 20 consider an act of intense mental stamina, he went an entire 3 minutes without identifying as a woman, since he was actually good. Despite around half of the jokes landing, his delivery was solid enough for it to be consistent all the way through. I guess not having a physical handicap allows him to clearly communicate without issue, though him seeking out an older woman qualifies as some sort of mental impairment. If he does well, he'll probably land a couple side pieces and stay with his wife for joke material. Lily Meola - Other than me wanting to act like a butterfly and cram my face in her flower, I'm struggling with any vague parallels that would suggest I paid much attention. You know I'm thoroughly brainwashed by medical school when I conclude the real cause of cancer related deaths is not enough poisons masquerading as treatment - a stark contrast to the Indian gurus who say they can induce instant healing while simultaneously claiming that showing proof is just ego. If I ever get sick, the method in which I waste my life savings will be determined by loudest audience cheer 👏. Song was boring, I clearly have nothing to say. /// I don't know if it was just this episode, but there was nothing to say, it was just totally unremarkable in every regard.

I got nothing to say, which I guess has been my schtick since the beginning, but I just don't care today. This was another time of confusing AGT with WWF due to the outcomes likely being predetermined as well as boredom making me wrestle with the idea of ending it all, though being that dramatic over a TV show that isn't Degrassi is a bit much. The results show always feels twice as long due to nothing happening, this new format is terrible. If the performance shows were as long as the 3 minute recaps they show on the results shows, they might actually be tolerable, though due to loss of advertising revenue, Terry would have to scream "Drink Coke!" over the whole thing, thus rendering it unwatchable. There's not really anything to say for most of these shows, since breaking down who got eliminated and when like I'm analyzing stats on ESPN SportsCenter would be pointless. The Simon and Howie segment was funny, though I may be influenced due to them being in their 60s and thus the peak of male attractiveness. Seeing Kodi Lee's mother brought me back to the fond memories from a few seasons ago of watching her segments with my hand in my pants like Al Bundy. Treasure those moments. To be vaguely serious for a moment, Kodi's career seemed pretty exaggerated, since I remember checking his site months ago and he played at a winery in the middle of nowhere and that was about it, so without the AGT banner reuniting a dozen people no one would care about on their own, he doesn't seem very big. The Journey guitarist looked great for 68, he might be able to get a hot young wife whose reason for being with him was only 97% for the money. He did look way better than the guy covered in shitty tattoos, which kind of goes without saying. It's funny how you'd have to assume this song is like 70 years old due to how he makes being on a Detroit train at midnight sound relaxing. The modern reality is the odd dichotomy of being afraid of getting murdered at every moment while being convinced that 99% of the city's population is in prison. Nicolas deserved his spot, while Sara is being given the undeserved worship, which makes me huff like a teen girl who won't say what's wrong. 5 days off from this crap sounds great.

Oh sweet apathy... /// MPLUSPLUS - The name of the act vaguely alludes to my fantasy of making a Japanese girl double pregnant, despite the amount of parenting I'd contribute would remain zero. All of these light show acts seem to act like they have invented it, yet their concepts seem nearly identical. It seems this act could only tour outside of Japan, as these frantic displays of neon are required in Tokyo for the employees in skyscrapers to distract their minds from the idea that still being at work at 4am is anything abnormal. Overall the act wasn't that good. Even if this was an all-female production, I would still blame the nearest man. JoJo and Bri - The guy's name sounds like me calling out to the waitress at the diner for two cups of coffee to try and stay awake during this crap. It's hard not to call this act a gimmick, since there's no one more important in a girl's life than her uncle - the awkward side hugs given at family gatherings are essential to their development. I was bored. Cline Twins - Anticipating this performance to not live up to their audition, I've spent the past few weeks referring to them as "De-Cline Twins" in a German accent, as cyber crimes have caused me to flee to Berlin (I accidentally called a 17 year old girl pretty, Lord help!). Anyway, this is an activity that most Canadians have probably indulged in before due to the country being frozen solid for 8 months a year, though the dedication to pursue excellence in such a limited field is commendable. It's hard to imagine this getting any bigger, so they probably won't go through, but it was OK. Amanda Mammana - I wanted to give the poor girl a hug, not only to gulp the scent off her neck like an emphysema patient, but she seemed depressed that a reason for her stutter wasn't found, likely unaware that doctors' days are filled with prescribing poisons and coordinating fundraisers to cure problems that were solved 50 years ago. Her initials being AM is no coincidence, as this is probably where a large portion of the audience fell asleep. Too many damn singers tonight. XOMG POP! - As a fan of girl groups who look and act like they are 10 (as in KPop), this almost feels like a cheap rip off, perhaps because an adult caricature of annoyance can't compare to the migraine of the real thing. I find it hard to believe the oldest member (15) would want to hang around 10 year olds due to the large difference in maturity, I say while typing in my childhood bedroom pushing 30. Even though the only fans are kids (and those on a certain publicly accessible database), I can still say their audition was better. Nicolas Ribs - I'd love to leap into the air to hug his daughter, naively assuming the language barrier somehow prevents him from knocking me out in an instant. Anyway, this act was one of the extremely rare ones where I understood the intention of this show was for you to actually look in the direction of your TV instead of at the floor. I have nothing to make his act about me since it was actually good. Mia Morris - Due to how rough the punk lifestyle is, in 5 years, the pet name of Morris-y I originally gave her will likely become a way of saying she looks like a 63 year old Englishman. Then again, punk nowadays is demanding you do what the government says with some expletives sprinkled in to trick you into thinking it's rebellious. Anyways, the song wasn't that good, but it became kind of charming at the end. It goes without saying Ed Sheeran is way better at using a loop pedal on stage, but since the idea of pulling his pants down has never crossed my mind, they may be tied for overall musicianship. Hayden Kristal - If any of these female comediennes wanted to bring their best material, they would briefly transition to an FTM to allow a smidge of male humor to come through. This routine reminded me of the droning on smalltalk (with a woman who does not possess a grossly unrealistic porn physique) where you're just tapping your foot and going "yeah, uh huh, hehe". Not much to say, though the remark about Facebook hearing her conversations makes me like to think she reads this forum. Celia Muñoz - Apparently she was imitating Olivia Newton John, which I had no idea, and I wouldn't expect the American crowd to know a "Grease" other than the one clogging their arteries. It was a pretty decent act. She seems to be one step ahead of the bald gold-hoarding tin foilers in making sure the government can't read your lips from afar. Funkanometry - I'd love to go backstage and ask if the boxed F on their shirts was a nod at the periodic table of elements likely being bullshit, at least before they called me an idiot and I ran away in tears. Their audition was better than this and this one was kind of hard to sit through, perhaps because since their audition I've added another screen to my 20+ monitor setup and am that much more lacking in attention. When they're eliminated tomorrow, their being forced back to Canada will feel more like watching judicial punishment, as I am aware of how terrible a fate it is to live there. Sara James - Seems like a real odd choice in giving her the prime spot, since these boring singers seem to have little appeal aside from random old women tweeting out "what a voice" to their zero followers. Between the song Rocket Man and Elton constantly wearing star-shaped sunglasses, he seems to get a real kick out of taunting the public about the voyage that never was. I never know what song these acts do since it all sounds like boring moaning. A better song choice would have been Benny (as in Ben Bernanke) And The Jets (as in chemtrails) - oh how I'd like to spend $5000 on Elton tickets to yell these unfounded accusations at him from the front row. Of course me doing that and seeing me get the lifetime ban from the venue that would inevitably follow would be way more entertaining than this crap. /// I can't wait to falsely reminisce on tonight when the results show makes me pick imaginary mites out of my skin.

Finally, a scenario where the public's votes aren't immediately funnelled from the ballot box directly into a garbage can, though that also means I won't get to wrestle my brother in law in the driveway over political ideologies that we don't actually understand. This was boring crap, though. Having such a lengthy recap from last night makes sense due to so many people losing consciousness, but having to relive it is annoying. Fusion Japan was obviously not going to make it, but still depressing - good thing the group has so many men to put the blame on. I'd say they should be punished with working in the coal mines, but Japan's only world export is anime for perverts, so 1000 hours of low paid keyframe drawing should be enough. The Sonic lounge seems utterly pointless, especially since it seems everyone was just pretending to eat it. Hearing the brand name did make me have a eureka moment in concluding "the speed of sound" is fake. As usual, no explanation will be given. Jon Dorenbos was an act that once again made me feel as if I was really there, not due to sensory immersion, but because I felt like a baby crying out for my Game Boy needing to be distracted, since the setup took forever. The current date trick with 4 lockers could be done at any time in the future, as I believe the years will go until 6000 and then start over, at least that's the conclusion me and my pastor made while wearing horse blinders at the dinosaur exhibit and destroying any display piece that didn't attribute a scientific discovery to Christ. The cheerleaders coming out was a nice touch, although made me feel inferior, as the women I keep caged in my cellar never look half as lively. Shortly after they emerged, the TV closed captioning mistakenly said one of the girls was only to turn 18 next week, which made me look away with my eyes covered and then issue an apology to the miserable Twitter mob. Online subservience in the pursuit of retweets is normal behavior compared to that, I say as my unwashed ass judgingly glares out the window at my young neighbors with a 2 year age gap relationship. The top 2 were exactly who you'd think. Someone in Chapel Hart must be sleeping with a producer to get so much preferential onscreen treatment, possibly one whose fetish is eating several hundred pounds of chocolate in bed (the other kind, since the term for the usual definition would simply be "American"). Boring show, but next week's torture looks decent.

Good lord, I am in pain - not the kind where I'd be charged $1000 just for walking past the front doors of an American hospital, but still uncomfortable. I can't believe there are still like 4+ weeks left. Interest in typing this was low. /// The Pack Drumline - I like cheering up my PTSD-ridden veteran neighbor by playing Katy Perry's song Firework on drums and playing hard enough for each note to sound like a C4 going off, so I was quite interested to see what they would do. The performance was alright, but being the opening act is a guaranteed sendoff. The background on stage was so distracting, but there's really nothing else you can use to describe their act other than the name in various pulsating fonts. The Brown Brothers - They went from (assumedly) hitting themselves to destroying entire villages overseas - isn't treatment for autism supposed to lessen the amount of harm caused? I guess they made it better, but after all of the imitations were in place, I guess they just finished with being themselves which was a real boring way to end it. Mr. Pants - I'm guessing this act was born out of being mugged of everything except his bottoms in Brooklyn, which is something New Yorkers seem awfully cavalier about, possibly because the Rockettes' trademark kicking dance was derived from kicking all the feces you encounter on the streets off of your loafers. The act was terrible as expected, but knowing from his perspective he hopes it goes well and likes doing it made me feel empathy. Fusion Japan - Lord, I worship women. Since they're Japanese, I'd switch my place of worship to a Shinto temple, fairly confident that I won't receive any divine punishment due to believing neither God is real. I thought it was a good performance, although they have little chance of moving on. I'd say they'd be disappointed in the 90 hour work week they put in to make this routine, but that much work is called Summer holidays over there. Freckled Zelda - She spoke of how much effort she put into practising this number, so rather than let my dislike of her previous act color my perception this time, I tried to imagine her work ethic, but unsurprisingly, my brain was only trying to picture her naked. I wonder if AGT fandom or TikTok viewership is more fleeting - I'd imagine TikTok viewers feel more loyalty due to the platform being portable and hence they will never have to face the horrors of being unentertained for a whole 30 seconds while fetching the newspaper ("oh boy, I wonder what they made up this week!"). Duo Rings - Damn, they make marriage look so sexy and exotic instead of the reality of spending 50% of all hours together bitching over whose turn it is to take out the trash. Having recently put my life savings into several cryptocurrencies I know for a fact are in a race to the bottom, I paid a bit more attention to this act as to how I should hang from the ceiling in the inevitable future when my false confidence is proven to be false for a reason. Other than that, the act was boring. Wyn Starks - When he said his brother died unexpectedly, my nostrils flared as I prepared to spout the "truths" that have gotten me locked out of my Twitter account 10 times. Anyway, he sang, that's about it. Aiko Tanaka - Perhaps the only woman over 40 that doesn't make me hiss like a feral ocelot, she is quite the spicy kimchi (not Japanese, I know), but the material was super bad. Despite her being Japanese, she walked out to a BTS song, who are Korean - the producer probably shared in the common public sentiment of not knowing the difference, even though KPop fangirls would take that as a declaration of war. Possibly even worse than Mr. Pants, who is another act that would be a lot better by not wearing trousers. Madison Taylor Baez - Despite having a fully grown brain, I interpreted the song Higher Love to be about women refusing to date me over my height and I attacked the TV. This was a good act to stare at the wall to. Any commentary about the vocal "runs" would equate to talking shit, so I have nothing to say. Yu Hojin - There's been so many Asian acts this episode, it makes me feel like the country is being taken over, which may be a good thing, as the dilution 125 million thin Japanese citizens would provide may bring the average BMI down to something almost resembling health. Anyway, as boring as magic usually is, this was pretty entertaining. For his ability to sell himself to so many people in one evening, I will shorten his name to just "Yu Ho". Chapel Hart - Interesting the group was named after the other girl bringing pictures of Dave Chapelle and Kevin Hart to the hairdresser, even though it's false and stupid. I wonder how many times that Hart will need defibrillating if high energy concerts become a regular thing. Of course I have to get in a jab before acting like I'm concerned, but I'd be pissed if I were the other 2 girls and her health eventually became a great detriment to the act. They seem like one of the few acts ever that seem like they could have a career, though I'd sing the lyrics as "the girl (singular) is back in town" since I wouldn't even notice the other two. /// Damn that was hard to sit through.

*crap - damn autocorrect 😅

Can "this show is good" be called a conspiracy theory if absolutely no one believes it? Last night's show was actually OK, but somehow a show half as long felt like 3 hours. There's no impulse to try and write anything (only I believe is) humorous since nothing happened at all. The first 10 minutes are spent rehashing what we already saw and further killed any good will yesterday's episode might have had. With the slogan "America runs on Dunkin" likely being found to be false advertising due to most of the population being unable to run or even get off the sofa, I guess Dunkin pulled out - either that or the show's viewership has been halved. Being serious, I don't get why Sonic or anyone would want to advertise on here, since Americans don't need to be coaxed or subliminally fooled into craving junk food, though I guess spending a few million means nothing to them. Skipping all the dreck of narrowing down the acts, I blissfully forgot I didn't watch AGT last year so I have no idea who this magician is. Unlike the usual AGT acts, he gave a real taste of what a performance at one of his shows would be like with the extremely drawn out setup. Everyone's attention spans are so fried, I'd hope every seat at the venue he performs at has a Playstation built in, because even sitting at home I felt like wriggling. The pretentious coat of paint (no pun intended) all magicians incorporate into these acts are so irritating since these wax poetic speeches sound nice in a Rumi book, but nobody really thinks in these metaphors, so it's just pretentious. Sarah Hyland (annoyingly) joined the act and promoted Love Island, which unless it is floating in lawless international waters is probably far too tame for a country so addicted to porn. Breaking down who got eliminated like I'm a hockey commentator screeching in overtime is pointless since everyone already watched, so just to comment on the top 2: Drake always has an annoying facial expression along the lines of "It's all given to me", unless I am just confusing that with being unceasingly attractive. He's good, but the aura of being spoiled or having the unofficial title of the anointed one that every season seems to have one of ruins the appeal. Since black don't crack, I am confused why (assumedly) 45 year old Avery is always being followed around by his 45 year old Mother. Idiocy aside, I have no idea how old he is, especially since sob stories from 30 years ago on this show are treated just as serious as ones that are still ongoing. I would have rather had Don, so I feel total apathy about this. Mercy what a boring show.

Kind of torn on if the show overall was bad or tolerable - the latter perhaps being an award that has never been handed out. The formatting of there being another 4 weeks of 11 acts performing just makes it seem like everyone is going to be forgotten about, although there's not a lot of good will anyways. // Amoukanama - I know Africa is a terrible place to live, but come Winter in the miserable Pacific Northwest, I can't help but look at travel brochures of Djibouti since getting sunshine outweighs living at the dump. Whichever act is doomed by performing first pretty much guarantees that they won't move on and they just serve as the means to get the audience to clap and "start the show off right". I am afraid of just how many future generations the debt acquired from paying for all of their flights home will extend, since it seems certain that they won't make it. Like I've mentioned in the past, those custom set designs with the act's name written on some object are always so embarrassing. Amazing Veranica & Her Incredible Friends - "Easily impressionable mutts" I whisper, totally oblivious to my lack of reasoning several minutes prior when cancelling my Christmas flight home over my parents' politics. As far as dog acts go, this was pretty decent, but it's obviously limited as to what they can do. She mentioned Olate Dogs who seem to have achieved a level of irrelevance few non-opera acts ever get to touch, but I do wonder about them as well as Veranica what they'll do when all the dogs die - I doubt her strictness is anywhere near that of Joe Jackson who commands his son to earn him money beyond the grave. Ava Swiss - I had a standing ovation when I remembered she was 18 and then was quite serene with boredom throughout the performance. Even though practising singing myself has revealed the old notion of "anyone who can sing was born with it!" as being idiotic, it's just incredibly rare for any musical acts to not be boring. Ben Lapidus - Just like last time, it became funny during the last few seconds after forcing the joke for a few minutes. Since Americans describe their portion sizes in acres, I can understand the upset at anything less than infinite cheese. Lace Larrabee - I am trying to come up with a reason for disliking all female comediennes beyond that lone middle school girl rejecting my valentine 20 years ago leading to a white hot misogyny that refuses to die. I guess female jokes are tailored too much to women and men generally don't pigeon-hole the material, but either way I could see all the punchlines coming and she lacks the youthful looks that would make me laugh automatically in hopes of being the guy picked to buy her things. Simon nonsensically calling her a southern Bell (Biv Devoe, I assume) confirmed he was exhausted and not thinking clearly. Drake Milligan - I figured more than halfway into Summer without wearing sunscreen would put him closer to his goal of being confused with the other Drake, but no progress has been made with that. He started off as an Elvis impersonator, which made me confused, as I thought you could only offer tribute to people who were dead and not the subject of a flimsy conspiracy I admit the only evidence I have supporting it are backmasked words on his albums that sound like nothing. Anyway, the act was pretty good. Usually the only c***-tree music acts I like are the female ones who have a visible bush growing out of their shorts, but this guy is solid. Oleksandr Yenivatov - Him being from a place where there is (allegedly) something going on guarantees the applause won't stop until society is collectively bullied into feigning care about something else. I sound a little peeved, but the photo I took of myself donating to the cause broke my all time record of Facebook likes and made me feel altruistic even when I immediately sent an angry email to the site's webmaster demanding a refund. Anyways, the story of this act, whatever it was, was so weak and boring. He really should've auditioned a decade ago, since ballbusting is becoming "stepsister" levels of popular in porn and hence this act has little thrill to offer. Players Choir - I can't help but think the song choice of Can't Stop The Feeling was an attempt at raising public awareness for the chronic neuropathy that plagues all of them after spending a decade diving onto their heads. It's a little funny that with recruitment to the military being at an all time low due to no longer believing in pointless violence, the American passion of grown men literally trying to kill each other over a football still resonates. In my head, I'd be extremely polite throwing a jersey at them mid-performance demanding they all sign it right then and there, along with my sworn guarantee as a man that it would be going immediately to eBay. I have nothing real to say. Stefanny and Yeeremy - The girl seemed to drop the "Ste" part of her name, as this was an act I could actually smell through the TV. America seems to be the only country where you're encouraged to be patriotic to every country other than your own, whereas my allegiance lies with whichever nation gives me the most free shit that I don't deserve - definitely not Canada, since the health care system only works if you're psychic and can alert the doctor that you'll be breaking your arm 5 years from now as to not die waiting for treatment. Anyway, the act was 99% about her rump, which should be the standard, but it was still pretty boring. Don McMillan - I've noticed that there is rarely any joke material for good acts, usually because there are never good acts, but he's been the only funny comedian in what seems like years. I hope he can settle down with someone 40 years his junior. Avery Dixon - Terry introducing him as being bullied seems to have made any chances of getting girls dead in the water, though you can manage to salvage that depending on how you spin the stories of adversity. I can still impress girls by divulging the insane shit I've somehow survived at my own hands, though further revealing that setting myself on fire was over the stress of a meaningless high school Spanish quiz sends them running again. The performance was pretty good, though I don't know what the ceiling is for these acts other than the pinnacle seeming like getting 2 seconds of screen time when the camera cuts to the house band on Conan giggling. I had no idea he was doing actual songs, especially as I thought all jazz was essentially freestyled depression. As a saxophone player, he is great at "reeding" the room 🤓. There's no way to end this post. /// It may be a good thing or a hell having to write a post tomorrow, even though the whole thing may be one line long, as what would there be to say about 9 acts who you have little attachment to doing a teary wave goodbye.

The old one was every act that got a yes in the auditions would get to perform again, even though the majority of them would get eliminated after that. The new one makes it so half of the acts that got a yes are getting eliminated without being seen again and also the acts in the semi (?) finals will have performed 3 times instead of 4.

Damn, more auditions really saps even more morale from the already empty reservoir, so obviously I'm not in the mood to write this, even though the desire to be idiotic never stops. At least the show has anti-aging properties as it made me revert to the mindset of a teenager thinking "I hate everything". /// Emily Bland - She really loves Garth Brooks, whom I wonder if he saw Morgan Wallen's career spike after saying that slur on camera and is ever tempted to yell it into a stage microphone while raising his cowboy hat, unaware he'd have a 99% chance of being cancelled on the spot, but she did manage to make me think she was the one singing, thus ending my decade long streak of not believing anything shown on NBC. Seeing as how I pretend to sound like an adult male everyday, I really didn't see what the talent was and don't get what the act is supposed to be about. Mind2Mind - These acts are always hell to sit through, since they'll spend the first 30 seconds describing what they'll do while you spend the next 5 minutes impatiently scratching your ass while waiting for them to deliver on exactly that. I'm going to assume Terry was concealing a full script in his suit, because how else would these work. If I bumped into the girl in public and she didn't instantly run away after sensing the filth in my head, she would be instantly exposed. Aubrey Burchell - Despite her looking like the kind of person to screech if you called her a girl, this was a pretty decent performance. Of course the autism diagnosis had to be shoehorned in there, even though girls having impairments like that never affect the opposite sex from worshipping them, while a man with even a minor case of it is somehow cursed with loving Thomas The Tank Engine well into his 50s. I kind of thought I was on the spectrum before a team of doctors concluded that I just medically cannot stop touching myself in public. The Lads - This was a pretty good act. The one handed handstand on the other guy's head reminded me of just how hard I have to press the pomade against my crown to give the illusion that I have a Norwood 5. On a more serious note, I'd like to know why all of these artistic types feel the need to litter their body in crappy tattoos, just like the guys who feel the need to tattoo knives on the side of their face just because they are a chef, it seems idiotic. Penny Starr Sr. - What does it say about the health of the current dating market when a crowd is eagerly cheering to pay a million dollars to see an old woman naked? Not a real act. Somewhere in the middle of the show, Howie probably tried to outrun the specks of dust in the air and left. Mr. Moo Shakes - This might have been a good act if it wasn't done to this song which is another one everyone pretends to like. Bay Turner - As for his tumors, I was wondering why instead of surgery he didn't consider an expensive lifelong twice a day pill that at best did nothing and at worse would fatally injure him. Song was alright. Waffle - I am confused why Double Dutch featured five Japanese unless like what most of what I say, the correlation is flimsy at best. It was a fun little act and can only get better due to assuming the four guys are all willing to cripple themselves in the quest to outdo each other to win the girl's attention. With how dense Japan is, I'm wondering where they even found the 2 square meters to practice. Unreal Crew - This was a good act. They won an Indian dance contest, which I find interesting because of the high population, some of those shows probably get like 100 million viewers yet you never hear of it, possibly because of the disparity in societal advancement where cable is irrelevant in America and running water in India probably has its own talk show. Camille K - She looks so mature, I don't get how there isn't a collective gasp in the audience when she said her age, meanwhile everyone who is old gets applause just for still breathing. I thought both performances were boring. The Nerveless Nocks - The guy being named Michelangelo sounds really douchey, though it's hard to know what to make of it when he was born in an age where ruining your kid's life with a quirky name wasn't done for the fleeting high of Facebook likes. The premise of the act is good, but I just thought it was boring. Michelangelo called AGT the greatest stage on Earth, possibly unaware that the production set for the moon landing was somewhere in California. // It's hard to write these posts with any enthusiasm when the show has already turned into pure suffering. The new formatting for the next round is kind of confusing - why say yes to acts when half of them aren't going to go on any further? I can't imagine what the executive was thinking if his idea for shaking things up was ripping off the format of American Idol, whose ratings are even more in the dump than this one.

That was a good laugh 😂. For the love of God it better not be number 2, as the idea of him of all people outperforming me in the dating pool would be too embarrassing to go on living.

Not related to the show, but has anyone felt the climate change from mildly pleasant in Spring to hot in Summer? My favorite networks with extremely poor track records of truth telling may be right to demand we live more miserable lives to combat this issue. /// Bayley Graham - He won the New Zealand (one of the few countries with the esteemed distinction of being more irrelevant than Canada) version of America's Got Talent called 60 Seconds, which sounds like the retooled version of 60 Minutes for the next generation who prefers to be fed fictitious stories in bite sized doses. I thought it was extremely boring and looked like how he'd wake up his legs from standing in line all night for the new iPhone, so obviously it wouldn't translate to a Las Vegas act, which so few of these acts do, which may explain why AGT success is rarer than water in that part of Nevada. The backing track's singer proclaiming "this is the greatest show" obviously comes from an entitled punk who has never suffered through a single moment of this crap. Freckled Zelda - Her name is derived from the Zelda games, which are named after the princess who literally does no work while a man risks his life to save her multiple times. Even as a kid I was pissed over that, despite refusing to see the irony in my adult self sitting on the couch waiting for some hard working female doctor to come scoop me up and spend her earnings on a giant waterslide for me - I'm like Mackenzie Bezos, but without breasts (another issue to be resolved by the money). Anyways, the opening of the act was embarrassing, though I guess the average BMI of the viewer went up for any obese sons who waddled out of their rooms to see where the ocarina was coming from. Song was bad, everything was bad. Maxence Vire - A Frenchman from France is pretty rare indeed nowadays, though his voice reminds me of the imitation I devote myself to when I hear girls like foreign guys, at least before I realize they mean everything beneath the beret is tall and muscular. This was another act where he thinks being annoying as all hell is supposed to be endearing, but judging by the applause, it apparently works, assuming the audiences aren't all made of holograms, which is a conspiracy that can't be written off, lest I realize having a deep scowl carved in ones face while others enjoy themselves isn't normal. In France or any other civilized country, it would be taken as a harmless prank, but for the typical fat American, finding milk in a can of soda would lead to the largest lawsuit in U.S. history. It was annoying. RCC Aruba - Southern Florida seems to be like a soccer net with no goalie, since millions of South Americans and Cubans, etc. seem to just come into the US from there and it's all good. I guess writing several hundred pages of legislature on the importation and possession of Kinder Surprise eggs was a more pressing matter. Pointing out the writing on their shirts seemed like a Holloway (my condolences) to introduce the group, since it said exactly what the initials stood for. Anyway, it was a rare time where the act was pretty decent. The compulsion to take their shirts off is a western thing where Americans are so in denial of their health woes that they won't believe you are in good shape even if you are standing in front of them. I always thought the collective "woo!" of the audience to include a member who is covered in shitty tattoos was odd and it happens all the time. Gina Stahl-Haven - The first in the typical series of subpar acts before introducing someone who usually just gets more screen time to suck. Obviously it goes without saying that young women are hilarious, even when my only evidence is having seen the back of a girl's head from across the room. Youthful beauty makes me invent all sorts of qualities that mysteriously vanish with time. That female delivery of wide eyes and high pitched voice to describe the jokes is so grating. I don't really know how to describe it, since my only communication with women is the diametric opposites of nervous nodding and fidgeting in person and me yelling commands of dominance to prerecorded adult entertainment on the computer. Kim Evey - Her first name being Kim instead of her last name has just dramatically narrowed down the amount of Asians I have to look through to find her Instagram. I know the editor trims down the whole routine, but you would never give out praise for just two jokes that would elicit a nose whistle on the best day. Don McMillan - I always flip flop between wanting to credit the invention of comedy to men or young women for just existing, but the male comedians are better every single time. About half of his routine was funny, which is more that can be said about all the others, so it's good enough. Ava Swiss - I waved and talked at the TV in an infantile tone due to mistakenly thinking she was 17 years and 11 months old. Just like 99.9999999% of the modern world and the millions of years of previous generations who I'm sure secretly wrestled with similar shame, I couldn't live with myself if I thought someone that young was pretty. Obsessive fixation on a woman's past is my specialty, but the story colored the performance way too much and it was just boring, but I naturally shift blame to the male stagehand. Ciara Hines & Trey Rich - These types of dance pairs always seem to be a special way from the boy's therapist telling him to communicate that he is gay without using words in case his non-accepting Father is nearby. As far as dancing goes, it was actually pretty good, which is quite the compliment. Some people may say a young interracial couple dancing together is groundbreaking, which I may or may not agree with, but I am all in favor of what some perceive as unconventional arrangements, at least for the sake of normalizing my conviction that my future (gold digging) wife hasn't even been born yet. Auzzy Blood - With how much I looked away from the TV in disgust, you'd think this act was a troupe of overweight Mums trying to be sexy. I did look away for most of it, but it was still pretty entertaining. It's getting harder to let people know you are a sideshow freak with appearance only, as it seems the Fathers of teenage girls have begun allotting their college funds towards getting as many shitty flower and Sanskrit tattoos as possible on their 18th birthdays - if only I could find myself a nice Christian girl who didn't fall for this, while knowing I'd have to endure decades of silently loathing the religious engagements I'd be forced to participate in. Duo Mico - I appreciate the crowd giving a loud clap for her and a silent and not too stimulating clap for him upon hearing he's from Montreal - I can attest that Canadian heritage is tantamount to having a learning disability. Howie jumped out of his seat and said "we've never seen anything like this", automatically outing himself as a replacement Howie and simultaneously proving the original can indeed fatally overdose on hand soap. It wasn't really anything special. The modern western man seeks purpose and strength from KPop which is obvious by how the guy protected the Asian girl with his life. You can only imagine how lacking in care he would be if his partner was a complainy white girl with a raging "me" attitude (like the one I just casually Venmo'd my whole paycheck). Debii Dawson - Thinking she was that dark while being from Minnesota made me think she holds a world record for greatest sensitivity to sun before eventually cluing in that she was actually Indian, possibly due to me being convinced that half of the countries on any given map are made up, which coincides with my tendency to terminate FaceTime calls when anyone provides easily accessible proof of the contrary. The performance was pretty decent, helped of course by her being a poopy pie. You know I have a problem when upon hearing the lyrics "Young and sweet, only seventeen" instinctively made me toss my laptop into the dumpster, despite having done nothing wrong. The Big Apple - The old adage of an apple a day keeping the doctor away doesn't make sense in America when the doctor himself would probably count making a housecall via car as a month's worth of exercise. I was already mentally checked out here, so I can't say I mind the show ending on an extremely crappy note. I do wonder if this guy's repeated appearances on this show have translated into attractive girls wanting to have sex with him, since I imagine that's the main reason why men would want to do anything. This guy wriggling around on the floor is abhorrent here, yet perfectly normal behavior when I'm frantically begging the town bike to take me back after I caught her cheating on me on my birthday (it helped that the guy was wearing a party hat while pounding her better than I ever could, I was touched). Act was shit obviously. /// This could be a record for least commentary on the actual show being given, but I only care about me, so what does it matter. At least the auditions are finally over.

If there's any validity to that, it would make sense how music acts seem to make up an unusually (and unbearably) large amount of the final round, though I can't think of anyone from this show who has succeeded at all, so unless Simon accidentally got botox injected into the rational thinking part of his brain, it doesn't seem like he'd concern himself with that. It's crazy to think that 15 years ago, the popular American Idol acts would take 6-12 months to release an album and it would sell 6 figures or more. Compare that to most people forgetting the AGT winner's name the next day; investing in that would be such a waste of money.

The things you can admit when you have no fear of getting banned 😂

I have a hard time believing Howie was out for 2 weeks with you know what since 90% of cases consist of 24 hours of feeling fine - I really hope this Winter I can be forced to foreclose on my business again over it. /// Amoukanama - I've said this before, but I don't get how supposedly starving men end up having a normal or even good body composition, much like prisoners in jail somehow getting ripped when the food is apparently deprived of nutrition. Anyway, leave it to men of a nationality 7000 miles away to bring back the tradition of speaking English in America, never mind me forgetting half of my own vocabulary due to immersing myself in Japanese porn 23 hours a day. As for the act, I'm pretty sure there are at least 5 of these identical acts in just this season, so I don't know how you are supposed to feel about seeing it again. Sam Cieri - I really do feel bad for anyone pursuing music these days, since now that everything is online, you need to hope your songs get 100,000 daily streams by the time you get to Starbucks to afford the whipped topping upgrade. Maybe not that bad, but without the modern Lou Pearlmans of the world to push talent based on amount of possible alone time he'll have with you, you really do need to live out of your car and play bars everyday and all that crap that would take away the idea of it being glamorous. Anyways, a rare time I liked his voice and the song was decent. Wenzl McGowen - Apparently he was born in Spain and lives in New York. Serious question, why does it seem like people can just choose to move to the US whenever they want? The many times I've looked at it, it seems way more complicated than that, despite the innumerable examples of the contrary. I thought it was pretty pointless. Maytree - The old woman who said she was kicked out of the other group, I don't know if it's because women older than 23 become invisible to me, but I don't think I saw her do anything, though I guess pretending to be included in here is better than rotting away in a nursing home. (edit - I guess she was just the translator, I was somehow confused). I was pretty neutral about the actual act and now that they've used up a good amount of known theme songs and modern entertainment is copying old entertainment, I wonder if they'll have to resort to humming the theme of the all-black Wonder Years reboot, in which the crowd will be obligated to clap along to so they aren't cancelled. Ballet After Dark - Seeing as how this is a group for survivors of violence in Baltimore, I'm wondering if the other 600,000 members had to work that day. From what was shown, it looked as impressive as Neil Armstrong's supposed accomplishments, though to give this act a leg up, this actually happened. I don't see what the big deal was. Svitlana Rohozhyna - The intro made me tear up so much, I donated $100 to the relief fund and then immediately traced the money's whereabouts to the bank account of a government official completely unrelated to the cause. A good deed indeed. I was totally off about the apparent story trying to be told by this act, other than naively assuming that her hanging from the ceiling with something around her neck had to be over an online relationship with someone she's never met having ended. Sometimes my patheticness astounds me. It was another copy of the act we've seen 1000 times. Jack the Whipper - I didn't think this was that great, though Simon made a better stand in than Howie for communicating the fear of having your sack hit, due to most men in North America being totally numb down there from the totally normal procedure of getting part of it cut off when you're a day old. Already hovering in the dangerous 95th bottom percentile of size myself, I can only count my blessings that I was spared. Sing Harlem - With the U.S. plummeting ever faster into a third world slum, there are probably more Harlems in America than Springfields, which is why the leader probably couldn't specify which one they were from. Supposedly they have performed with a lot of celebrities and for some reason MJ's Big Blog has added that 2020 American Idol loser winner Just Sam to that esteemed list, when in reality they were probably doing a concert in a venue while Sam panhandled outside and referred to it as a duet in an Instagram post the group nor anyone else saw. I honestly think Landau Eugene Murphy is a more household name, even if it's just the more family-friendly term you yell instead of shit when you stub your toe. Anyways, I don't get why people would pay to see a cover. **Howie returns after likely washing his hands down to the bone and/or discovering he was fine the whole time. John Glenn High School Dance Team - Seeing as how they are all girls but you couldn't tell, I am not sure if I should still overrate the act to the umpteenth degree. The "Mr. Flat Earth" song was a good fit; I can never tell if Pitbull or his music style is still popular, possibly because the economic prosperity that caused everyone to celebrate with nightly partying has given way to depressed drinking in isolation. It seems dance teams aren't too common anymore, at least the ones that aren't foreigners backflipping over each other, so this could be a mild favorite, whatever that means for a show that feels like waterboarding 95% of the time. Amanda Mammana - I find it hard to feel much sympathy when even girls born without a head are still sung to and adored by the Troy Boltons of the world (anyone young enough to get the reference?), while even handsome men with so much as an ingrown toenail are forced to spend prom slow dancing with their stuffed animals at home. I don't get why people in the audience were crying unless performances happen in the same order in which they air and they realized there was still a good 30 minutes of crap left. Alex & Daria - A short clip, though the brief reminder of climate change with them skiing in July makes me excited for when I am forced to surrender my right to drive. We must save the Earth (the one whose shape has yet to be fully confirmed). The Lazy Generation - They look pretty old to be a part of the actual lazy generation, never mind the fact that none of them audibly cried over being separated from their iPads for 5 minutes. The concept of the act was good, but the stunts were pretty boring. If this group is like the majority of male friend groups these days, the feeling of the violence towards each other being real would be increased if the overweight single mother they were all vying for were allowed to be on stage. Seems promising. Professor Murat’s Flea Circus - This is an act that could be on TickTok, not just for the stupid pun, but the entertainment value is probably about 15 seconds maximum. I don't even know if it was supposed to be real. Sergio and Lucy - A likely gay guy pretending to be a man and a woman at the same time is somehow seen as entertainment instead of concern for where society is headed. I pretend to wag my finger, but this collective behavior helps drive down the price of estrogen on the black market, which I buy in bulk after being filled with nonsensical ideas of my true self after repeat viewings of the new Sailor Moon movie. Yu Hojin - South Korea is a country of magicians due to them not being at war yet pulling reasons to continue conflict out of thin air. Since every man there is required to serve in the military, it'd be the worst country for me to engage in stolen valor, since I would feel disrespected that my falsified stories of heroism wouldn't be thought of as special. Anyways, I thought it was pretty boring, since it had that usual pretentious touch to it and was way too slow. The multiple uses of feathers made me remember that chicken is made from birds and not peapods mashed up into a nutrient-less paste - of all the conspiracies I spot (and straight up invent) how could I not see? Chapel Hart - They reminded me a lot of Destiny's Child, a group where the most attractive member had all the talent and your only exposure to the other 2 members was when their music videos occasionally had a half second cut away of them doing a "tsk tsk" gesture to the camera. As far as this act goes, I will merely say the main girl is no Beyonce Knowles, though you'd more likely make association with the other BK abbreviation. The other 2 members seemed to contribute nothing, despite one of them being pretty good looking and still getting near zero camera time. Even though country doesn't emphasize being a bikini model, I can't think of any genre where looks don't matter at all other than indigenous music in Arctic Canada where no one knows what anyone looks like due to even a millimetre of exposed skin being potentially fatal, all album covers are just an ambiguous figure wearing a dozen coats of caribou, with the thickness of pelt being continued on the back of the CD case. Having talked about absolutely nothing this whole time, I actually liked the song. /// The show was pretty bad. Can auditions end so we can see the people we already decided we hated perform again to confirm what we already knew?

Much like what employees say about their holidays (at least I hypothesize), one week off wasn't enough. Whole post is going to be nonsense, I assume, cause the show was boring as sin. /// Travis Japan - Not sure if they explained what the name meant, but it sounds like they just went with the only American name they could think of off hand. I'm sure a lot of people will think they are KPop and despite me wanting to lick both countries' female performers' sweaty armpits equally, they're not really similar and Japanese pop is not popular in the west at all, so auditioning seems like a big waste of time, even though the idea that another super complicated language somehow found an audience is confusing in its own right. Anyways, it wasn't bad per se, but it was kinda boring, along with the obvious demerit of them not being women. Dino Don - In all these 6000 years I've never seen such nonsense. The act was terrible. Parrot Man - I was pretty annoyed at the idea that I should listen to a bird babble nonsense, totally unaware of the irony of me repeating word for word what is recited on NBC Peacock news as gospel. It was nothing. Shenay Kloss - I felt grossed out, as the only place some disgusting insects should be is on my dinner plate, assuming meat is banned to make the made up number of greenhouse gases on a chart no one is allowed to see go down. I didn't think this was a real act. Ben Waites - They could have made a teary video package to milk the fact that he's bald, but they didn't, so I was proud of the editing team. It was OK, but when are singing acts not not-boring. Duo Forza - Barely registered they were on the screen, can't say anything. Duo Rings - They mentioned they were from Argentina, which made me yell "why are you here?!" at the TV (only at the man). The amount of applause they received before doing anything must explain why Americans get a full dopamine rush for making New Years Resolutions that they know they won't act on. On a serious note, I always think husband/wife acts must be incredibly boring to be a part of, especially when they have this sexual tint, since the idea of the man being "driven wild" when rehearsing the same thing for weeks all the while being with her 24/7 makes it very hard to believe blood even remembers how to flow down there. Acapop Kids - Male or female, I've gotten to the age where even just seeing someone younger than me causes me to cross my arms in a passive aggressive huff. Song was OK, but it seems like any mass appeal will leave when the cloud of sympathy parts. Henry and Klauss - It was a decent act, though the barrels were too large to inspire a sense of claustrophobia especially in a country where renting out bathtubs in San Francisco to live in is being seen as increasingly normal. I'm going to assume the gimmick was that they waved their hands on the cameras to give the impression that the cameras were always on and then the feed changed when they were inside. Erica Glenn - I didn't see it, so probably the act of the night. Adam Winrich - I'm guessing the comedy portion of this was that the suggestion of Americans only needing one whole roll of toilet paper at a time was too hard to believe. It didn't look very impressive. Stefanny and Yeeremy - More foreign contestants making me feel like a Days Of Our Lives character coming out of a coma asking bystanders what country am I in, which I guess is double stupid since I don't even live there. These acts are super boring. Alex Rivers - Perhaps my disdain for this act comes from viewing doing anything other than vegetating in front of a computer screen as a waste of time, but violin acts make me go into a mild stewing (or a dull-simmer, heh). With how many flamboyant acts come on here, I'd ask what's in the water, but Alex Jones-induced paranoia makes me boil even bottled Aquafina for 10 minutes in a pot like I'm lost in the rainforest. Balla Brothers - What's remarkable other than the fact that it was an actual good act was that there were 2 men of their nationality and neither were named Dmitry. It was good. Wyn Starks - I assume his first name is just spoiling the outcome of the finale, which is boldly assuming anyone will stick around long enough to see if that nonsensical theory is going to happen. I'd say the idea of losing a twin would be extremely painful had I not realized I wouldn't have to crossdress behind a locked door, so I am conflicted. Song wasn't that good. /// Damn the show was so bad, which is why I didn't feel like making this either.