Jill, Derick & the Kids: Moving On!!

[Barb23]

1 hour ago, Luvmy300zx said:

and.....if the wives have all those rules to go by, where are the rules for the husbands on how to treat their wives???

I thought the same thing after I read it.  I hope someone asks Jill what Derek does for her.

Jill, your ideas are geared towards the SAHM. What are the rules for the working outside the home moms/wives? Im not sure they have time to make themselves beautiful or to track their husbands as soon as they walk in the door holding a crying baby & a toddler clinging to their legs while thinking about what's for dinner.  What happens if you have a husband that doesn't want to talk or make out as soon as they get home? 

Yes, Jill, when I worked, I did take my daily shower in the evening after homework & household stuff were done.  It was was mainly to wash away the germs & such  after working all day at a doctor's office & to let my longer hair dry thoroughly before bed & not to please Mr. Barb (even though I'm sure he appreciated my daily showers, you know what I mean.)

I can't believe she mentioned seeing a doctor or  getting professional help a few times.  Maybe she needs to suggest that idea to her parents.  Especially after what her older brother did.

[lulu69]

15 minutes ago, IndianPaintbrush said:

You know Jill's "advice" is the exact same b.s. Anna received after the Joshley Madison scandal. Surely Josh would not have strayed if Anna had only rubbed lotion on herself  on another woman and let him watch more often. 🙄

Fixed it for you 😉

[Ohiopirate02]

1 hour ago, DangerousMinds said:

And if you want a corn dog, Sonic is expensive!

ETA - Coldstone is even more expensive. They were already at sonic but had to get ice cream elsewhere?

I figure that they must have used a giftcard to Coldstone.  I love ice cream, but Coldstone is expensive and I rarely go there.  If all 4 of them got ice cream, then their total would be around $25 which is a lot for a family with no visible income.

[galaxychaser]

14 minutes ago, Ohiopirate02 said:

I figure that they must have used a giftcard to Coldstone.  I love ice cream, but Coldstone is expensive and I rarely go there.  If all 4 of them got ice cream, then their total would be around $25 which is a lot for a family with no visible income.

Cold stone is expensive. I think only D and J got ice cream. Maybe they gave boys some from their portion. 

[HooHooHoo]

After reading Jill’s blog I realized I am a horrible mother who is not teaching her children to grow up to be proper wives. So I guess it is time to have a talk with my daughter. She is 16 and has been with her first serious boyfriend for almost a year. She never dresses up for him or wears makeup.  They rarely go out on “dates”. They love to hang out around the house and watch Netflix, walk their dogs, and go to the gym.  I can’t really attest to the making out part because I am a terrible mother who doesn’t chaperone them all the time. How is she going to become a Godly wife someday?  I will have to talk to her about changing her plans to go to medical school. Lastly, the competitive swimming will need to end. Nike!!!

Seriously though Jill,  my teenage daughter doesn’t act this clingy and desperate.  

[Lisa418722]

Jill is definitely stalkerish in all of this, but I'm waiting for a post from Dickweed as to how to keep his "wifey" happy. 
I'm on a Christian singles board (don't laugh, I stay on it for the snark) and I can see some of the people thinking if the wife does all of this, then the husband won't stray.  The men would expect the wife to do all of this for them.

[Madtown]

1 hour ago, Natalie68 said:

Mr. Natalie and I will have been married 28 years in a few weeks.  I used to wear makeup all the time, even on days off and he said to me early on that it was just him, he thinks I am beautiful so don't bother unless you want to.  Took that and ran with it.  In fact, he sees me often in jammies, hair on top of my head, no makeup.  Not taking advice from a 5 second married unemployed weirdo that times her kisses.

Mr. Madtown said the same thing. He always told me I never needed makeup and I too, ran with it years ago. Saved us a ton of money too..lol I don't miss it at all.

Edited June 3, 2019 by Madtown

[Temperance]

 The whole thing reeks of Michelle. And Jill wrote it.  And then Cathy's comment which seems to throw Rick under the bus "I treated him the way I wanted my sons' future wives to treat them." What! You couldn't just be nice to him, beause you loved and respected him or because you wanted him to treat you a certain way.

As for the contents itself, you're supposed to arrange your whole life/marriage around your husband and pleasing him.  It doesn't matter if the house is a mess and the boys are bored, it matters that you smell nice. Anyone can make him a sandwich.... 

If you're tracking someone's phone, it's an invasion of privacy. 

I can see with all the things you're doing for them why it's important to to remember you're not a parent to your spouse and they aren't your parent. 

Finally Jill  put this bible quote in her essay “You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength and with all your mind, and your neighbor as yourself.” Yes, you should love God with your mind and think through the advice other people have given you, rather than blindly following or repeating it. 

Edited June 3, 2019 by Temperance

[Sew Sumi]

I'm shocked that she didn't have the Pearls' "Created to be His Helpmeet" on her reference list. Her "advice" is right up their alley. Be joyfully available at all times!!!!!11

[Temperance]

2 minutes ago, Sew Sumi said:

I'm shocked that she didn't have the Pearls' "Created to be His Helpmeet" on her reference list. Her "advice" is right up their alley. Be joyfully available at all times!!!!!11

Maybe it's too liberal. There's stuff about family planning or birth control in there. I know, because Chelsy Bontrager Maxwell was reading it before she married. It was the one thing she disagreed with. (She mentioned this in the comments in her blog.)

Edited June 3, 2019 by Temperance

[farmgal4]

2 hours ago, DangerousMinds said:

And if you want a corn dog, Sonic is expensive!

ETA - Coldstone is even more expensive. They were already at sonic but had to get ice cream elsewhere?

But it’s worth the money, because it helps to keep that marriage fresh and alive, y’all!  He probably bought her Coldstone because she’s so hot in the bedroom!  Excuse me while I go puke...🤢

[Suzn]

Another thought:  How the fuck is it MODEST to give details of your sex life?

[ginger90]

Just now, Suzn said:

Another thought:  How the fuck is it MODEST to give details of your sex life?

Mind boggling, isn’t it?

[Mojitogirl]

This post shouldn’t be surprising to anyone who frequents this forum; the post lays out exactly what every single Duggar and Duggar adjacent woman believes she has to do for a successful marriage. I bet the Bates and Maxwells and all the other various fundies feel the same way, too. And not one of these ladies has demonstrated any kind of initiative to define their marriage in a way that deviates from these “rules”. 

In a way, there’s a certain amount of “bravery” by Jill to put this out there so explicitly and publicly especially since by now she has to know that lots of the people who comment on her photos and blogs do it to snark at her.  For all her faults, Jill’s public persona is probably the most real of any of the Duggar clan. 

[Suzn]

6 minutes ago, ginger90 said:

Mind boggling, isn’t it?

I shouldn't waste my few remaining brain cells on this nonsense, but the hypocrisy, inconsistency and lack of logic combined with smugness just makes me crazy.  They are pathetic people who promote a harmful world view. 

[GeeGolly]

I don't know. If you pick away the bullshit and made Jill's post about a partnership rather than a wife's role, some of what she posted makes sense.

Unfortunately the way Jill and her Bible study friends understand relationships is all kinds of fucked up. Jill feels empowered, when really she has no power at all. And when the chips fall, Jill-the Empowered-Woman, will shoulder the blame.

Part of me is happy that Jill is so clueless. The other part of me wants to shake the stupid out of her.

[Sew Sumi]

1 hour ago, Temperance said:

Maybe it's too liberal. There's stuff about family planning or birth control in there. I know, because Chelsy Bontrager Maxwell was reading it before she married. It was the one thing she disagreed with. (She mentioned this in the comments in her blog.)

I consulted my copy, and all that is said is the wife has to follow the husband's wishes. It IMPLIES that they limit family size (no methods given) if that's what HE wants. Debi's example was of a woman who had several children while the husband (who left her) only wanted a couple. SHE blasphemized God by not following her husband. 

That's the only real mention of family planning. Yes, she throws in the quiverful verse, and glorifies large families as the ideal, but in the end, the wife must obey her husband's wishes. 

[McManda]

8 hours ago, Ohiopirate02 said:

But, is she telling her readers to give their hubby a BJ when they are riding the crimson wave?

Who in their everloving mind is going to take advice about sex from Jill? Just ... no. No. No. 

Also Jill, if it's that important to you man up and throw down a towel. 

[xwordfanatik]

4 hours ago, Luvmy300zx said:

I.cant.even.  That is the biggest crock I ever read. If she actually does all that she must never think of anything but derelict. How does she ever find time to take care of her kids?

ive been married 40 years and that is not a normal marriage. That is a stalker/victim relationship.

and.....if the wives have all those rules to go by, where are the rules for the husbands on how to treat their wives???

Yes!  Where does Dillweed post what his rules as a Godly (yeah, right) husband are?  Reading that list gives me a headache.  Another decades-married individual here.  All the effort for nurturing the relationship has to be done by the wife?  GTFOOH.

[madpsych78]

44 minutes ago, Mojitogirl said:

This post shouldn’t be surprising to anyone who frequents this forum; the post lays out exactly what every single Duggar and Duggar adjacent woman believes she has to do for a successful marriage. I bet the Bates and Maxwells and all the other various fundies feel the same way, too. And not one of these ladies has demonstrated any kind of initiative to define their marriage in a way that deviates from these “rules”. 

In a way, there’s a certain amount of “bravery” by Jill to put this out there so explicitly and publicly especially since by now she has to know that lots of the people who comment on her photos and blogs do it to snark at her.  For all her faults, Jill’s public persona is probably the most real of any of the Duggar clan. 

Other than maybe Jessa on some aspects. I don't buy that Jessa is nearly as clingy with Ben as Jill seems to be with Dillhole.

[babyhouseman]

5 hours ago, ginger90 said:

Guard against fulfilling sexual desires alone.

Does this mean no masturbation?

My parents have been married 50 years. The internet was not available for most of it, and they have flip phones. I can see them taking quizzes(ha). And my mother doesn't wear makeup. 

A new show for the Dullards could be 6 second kisses and counting. 

Edited June 3, 2019 by babyhouseman

[EmeraldGirl]

Even June Cleaver is rolling her eyes. You could tell that that gal wasn’t always in the mood for Ward 

Google the 60s song Wives and Lovers by Jack Jones. Jill really nailed it 50 years too late. 

Found it! 

https://genius.com/Jack-jones-wives-and-lovers-lyrics

Edited June 3, 2019 by EmeraldGirl

[GeeGolly]

My husband and I have been together for over 35 years. Thank God for fulling sexual desires alone. No couple can always be on the same page, all the time, over an extended period of time.

[Oldernowiser]

16 minutes ago, GeeGolly said:

My husband and I have been together for over 35 years. Thank God for fulling sexual desires alone. No couple can always be on the same page, all the time, over an extended period of time.

But, but...wives don’t get a page! That’s what makes them godly!

I am honestly disturbed by that manifesto. It’s one thing to have some snark fun about the hypocrisy and lies about money, clothing, recipes, etc. It’s another to see something that turns women into simpering dependent brainless asskissers as a matter of policy.

 I am...nonplussed.

[Ohiopirate02]

I have one question about Jill's mindboggling blog post, what happens if Jill is in the mood but not Derick?  Does he have an obligation to righteously fulfill her desire even if he is not really feeling it?  Or is Jill SOL?  I know it has probably never crossed her mind that she could take care of this herself.   Can Derick as the husband buy her a vibrator and shuffle her off to the bedroom while he studies for law school?  If she names her BOB after Derick,  is this alright?

[JoanArc]

I'm studying for an huge exam Tuesday and I take a break to this? THIS? Jill Dillard telling me to wash my skanky pussy before my husband gets home, tackle him in the driveway like a starving dog, suck up every possible oxygen molecule between you, be his sole social outlet, then lock my starving, untried kids in their room, chained to their beds, and fuck like awkward virgins all night long. Ugh...

This whole thing reads like Jill asking Derick to pay attention to all the things she does for him. He won't. "3 or 4 times a week" is the new "More in love than ever". I still think Benessa is most likely to divorce some day...but now I think Jerrck will too.

Everyone's responses have been great. Back to the books.

[Oldernowiser]

16 minutes ago, Ohiopirate02 said:

I have one question about Jill's mindboggling blog post, what happens if Jill is in the mood but not Derick?  Does he have an obligation to righteously fulfill her desire even if he is not really feeling it?  Or is Jill SOL?  I know it has probably never crossed her mind that she could take care of this herself.   Can Derick as the husband buy her a vibrator and shuffle her off to the bedroom while he studies for law school?  If she names her BOB after Derick,  is this alright?

Women don’t have feelings that aren’t preapproved by their headships.

Seriously. This is making me stabby.

[tabloidlover]

*Raises hand*   Jill, Mr Tab has already been on me four times this week and is hinting at it AGAIN.   I’ve met my quota, so can I tell him no?  Thanks in advance

[Lunera]

No way in hell are Jilly and Derk having sex that often, at least not fulfilling sex for either of them. When she said 'always be available' I just imagine her ready for Derdick in bed with one of those old timey sheets with the sex hole. 

If you have to try that hard to make your husband interested in you then he's not interested! 

[cmr2014]

7 hours ago, ginger90 said:

⚠️

Long.............my apologies.

To anyone who has felt ill after reading something by the Dillards , do not read this!

 ⚠️ 

More Than Sex: How To Love Your Husband

Jun 3, 2019 | Life Matters | 5 

By Jill Dillard

I attend a monthly book study with some girlfriends of mine and right now we are reading a book, “His Needs, Her Needs,” by Willard Harley. At a recent meeting, a sweet friend of mine was in town and she shared some good advice with us younger wives. I took notes and thought I’d share some of her advice, combine with some of my own thoughts on marriage. I know I personally love learning more about how to have a healthy marriage and reflecting on advice I’ve been given, so I hope you’ll be encouraged and even check out some of the things I mention toward the end and then comment below! 

Five years ago this month, I married the man of my dreams, Derick Michael Dillard. Some of you may have watched our love story unfold on TV…if you want to read our love story you can click here. Anyways, like most couples when they get married, we were head over heels for each other…and now, nearly five years later, I can happily say that we are still very much in love. 

One thing I got so tired of people saying when we were just getting to know each other, and then as newlyweds too, was stuff like, “Oh you just wait”…or…”You’re just in that newlywed phase.” Although I do realize that sometimes things may change slightly due to life changes (e.g. kids, work schedules, etc.), one thing I think we need to recognize is that the fire in your marriage doesn’t have to die out! But like a fire, sometimes, and more so during some seasons than others, you need to be intentional, proactive and work hard to keep the fire going. I don’t claim to know everything about marriage, or to be presenting some solve-all advice, and I’m only really speaking to wives here, but I hope you find some of these tips to be encouraging!

When my friend’s mom shared her advice with us young wives, she started with a couple Bible verses (Mark 12:30-31 & Luke 10:27), which say essentially the same thing…in Luke, when Jesus was asked how someone could inherit eternal life, he pointed to the religious law of the time which said, “You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength and with all your mind, and your neighbor as yourself.” Jesus’ advice to the young lawyer who had asked the question was, “do this and you will live.” 

So first, we must recognize that in order to love someone fully, we must understand how much we are loved by God and in turn love him with all that we are by repenting of our sin, turning from it, accepting through prayer his free gift of salvation and asking him to take charge of the rest of our life. (If you want to learn more about what I mean by this, click here.) Secondly, if we truly have made Jesus the “Lord” of our life, then that means there should be some fruit to show for it…like the second part of the verse says, “[love] your neighbor as yourself.” And this includes our husbands! 

Here are some ways we can love our husbands: 

-Have sex often! You both need this time together regularly (3-4 times a week is a good start. lol). And when you may not be able to actually have intercourse for a period of time or for health issues, find other ways to have fun and be intimate. Let your spouse know that you’re aways available. Guard against fulfilling sexual desires alone. Be open with your spouse about your desires and change things up to keep it exciting! (Philippians 2:3-4; 1 Corinthians 7:5) If you’re struggling with sex with your spouse, GET HELP! See a doctor and/or licensed counselor and don’t be afraid to get second opinions! 

-Be open about everything: past, present and future! You need to be able to trust each other with the easy and the hard! Secrets are seeds for destruction! (1 Corinthians 10:13) Sometimes there may be seasons of difficulty or you may have to rebuild broken trust. Ask God to help you and get outside help if needed. We aren’t meant to live life in isolation! We need support and community! (Ecclesiastes 4:9-12; Galatians 6:2)

-Tell your spouse when they hurt you or when you have a problem with something and be quick to forgive!Speak up in love or else the problem will just linger and you may suffer unnecessarily and resentment might build up. See a licensed counselor or get help if problems persist! (Eph. 4:25-27; Matthew 18) However, if you are in an abusive relationship, do NOT stay! Report immediately to the authorities, get help and find a safe place to stay and get counseling from a licensed christian counselor!

-Pray and fast for your husband. Ask him how you can pray for him and let him know when you do (e.g. send him text messages &/or write a little note). 

–Look for ways to encourage your hubby, serve him and meet his needs. (God creates us all with a desire to be wanted!) Take the 5 Love Languages quiz together to find out the top ways you each receive love, then look for ways to show it! 

-Try to get at least 15-20 min. of uninterrupted time to talk every day! (Time to talk is important!) When he is talking, be quiet and listen, don’t interrupt and draw conclusions or offer advice right away. 

-Look nice for him. It’s easy to get home and throw on the frumpy pjs and wash your makeup off, but make sure that a few times a week you enjoy time together looking like you would hanging out when you were dating! Plus, even if you work from home, just getting fixed up in the morning can give you a boost to your day! 

-Go to bed fresh! It’s easy to just want to shower in the morning to wake ourselves up, but showering in the evening (and sometimes before he gets home if you arrive home before him!), and even putting on fragrant lotion in front of him can be another way to say “I care” and “you’re important to me,” and lets him know you’re up for fun whenever he is.  

-Don’t gossip or name call, even if joking. Be careful not to speak down about one another to each other and/or in the company of others! My parents have been good examples of this to us kids. They would say that “put-downs can plant seeds for divorce in the future”! Beware and ask your spouse to point out to you if you slip up! This can be an easy trap to fall into, especially if you’re hanging out with people and they’re all telling stories or making jokes about their spouses. “If you can’t say somethin’ nice, don’t say anything at all!” (Thumper from Bambi)

-Never allow your husband to think you’re his mother! Whether it’s making demands, delegating, or licking your finger and wiping something off his face…if he says “I feel like you’re my mother when you…”, then pay attention to that and ask him what you can to do change/how to handle the situation the next time! 

-Expectations: Be careful not to develop an entitlement mindset, e.g. “I deserve you,” or overlook things he does because, “Well, that’s just something a good husband is supposed to do.” Always be grateful and look for ways to praise him directly and in front of others! 

-Be open about money and spending habits with your husband! It’s vital that you are on the same page about your finances! Consider taking Financial Peace University (FPU) together! There are so many helpful things they discuss in this class, and you’ll learn so much even if you’re not in debt or have financial trouble! We have been through it twice now and enjoyed it both times! 

-Be a good listener! Husbands need to know that we value their interests too! Sometimes it can be hard to stay awake at the end of the day when talking in bed, or hard to avoid working on a project while he shares his heart with you or just talks about his day, but if its’ important to him that he has your full attention (ask him!) then do your best to give it to him! I’m working on this too since I know that when I’m distracted while my husband is talking to me it can send the message to him that I’m not super interested in what he has to say. I’ve found for myself that sometimes drinking an afternoon cup of coffee can be helpful so I’ll be more awake in the evening when he wants to talk. And if you really can’t afford the time/energy for the a long conversation in the moment, communicate this to your husband and let him know that you really want to hear what he has to say, but setting a later time to pick up the conversation may make it easier for you to be all in! Just try not to make this a habit! 

-Don’t be disrespectful. While security for wives is usually of utmost importance, respect is probably most important for most husbands! Ask your hubby what you do that makes him feel respected, and ask him in what other ways that he thinks you could show him more respect. 

-Make time with your family a priority. Look for ways to spend time together with your kids and husband. You may have to cut out some activities that are taking away from family time. 

-Wait to talk till you’re not angry. When things heat up, and you want the last word, recognize that you might say things you’ll regret in the moment, so sometimes it might be good to wait till you both cool down to properly work through it. 

-Don’t let the sun go down without making things right! In line with the last point, always try to work through things, or at least start working through them, before bed. You don’t always have to agree, but you don’t want to just “brush things under the rug” either. Problems don’t just disappear and will likely resurface later unless properly dealt with. 

-Call him by a fun or sweet name!Save his name/contact in your phone with a sweet name and don’t forget to use emojis!  

-Remember, your husband is not your dad. You are teammates and he is your God-given protector. Keep this in mind and let it shape the way you relate. 

-Don’t let habits become problems. For example, if you start and then get used to always asking your husband permission to do something (different than getting his take on something or discussing something together)…more like the dad role, then he could start to expect it just because he is used to it. It might be easy to make a habit of this, especially if you don’t want to take responsibility for the possible consequences of a choices you make, and would rather have someone else make them for you so they bear the weight of the decisions if it doesn’t work out, but we are also responsible to God for our lives. It’s good for your husband to know you have a good head and can make your own decisions. (And I do believe you should be open with each other and try to be on the same page with decisions and work together as a team! Our husbands should know us best and their counsel should be valued above everyone else’s, as long as it’s consistent with the Bible!)

-Let him know you miss him and you can’t wait to see him/can’t wait till he gets home! Send texts for him to read when he can, or if you know he has specific times during the day when he can talk, give him a quick call or FaceTime him for a minute to tell him you love and miss him. 

-When he leaves and comes, be the last thing he remembers and the first person he sees when he gets home…run to him (like you may have done when you were first dating). And if the kids are gone, have fun with it! Be crazy with your hubby! If your kids are there, get them excited about daddy coming home and make sure distractions are put away for a bit, so everyone greets him at the door! Stop whatever you’re doing at the time when he arrives!

-Give at least a 6 second kiss when coming and going. 

-Spend the first 15 min. or so together as a couple in the evening without phones or other distractions. After the initial greeting with everyone, if your kids are young, you can turn on a movie or give them something to distract them….or if they’re a little older, send them outside to play so that you and your hubby can have a some quality time to talk.

-Don’t answer the phone during your first little bit together in the evening, and tell people to call you later if your hubby just got there. It’s good for others and your hubby to hear you say something like, “I’m sorry, I’ll have to let you go now, my hubby just got home!” It lets them know your priorities and can be encouraging to others. (The “Find My Friends” app or other tracking apps for phones can be helpful so you can see when he is almost home. You can also ask him to text or call you with an ETA when he is headed home.)

-Be confident about your body.Chances are, he is less concerned about the things you’re worried about him not liking than you are. He will be happier when you are confident about yourself. And if there are things you can change or do to be more confident about yourself, then maybe it’s worth doing, or setting a goal to eventually get there! 

-Don’t let your children control the house. Keep a routine and make them go to bed early so you can have quality time together (especially if you don’t have family or close friends around to babysit regularly!) 

-Figure out what he likes and do it with him! Give him your undivided attention…and if it’s hard, pray for grace to be able to give undivided attention to him. Be open with your hubby if it’s a struggle and keep striving toward your goal till you find out what works…keeping in mind that you want to continue to be the one he enjoys hanging out with and spending his chill time with! (This doesn’t mean y’all can’t ever enjoy time without each other, just that you want to work hard to enjoy some of the same things!)

-Do what you can to make your home a haven or place of rest and relaxation to come home to! Set little goals for yourself with cleaning, e.g. Monday is laundry, Tuesday dishes…tidy up bathrooms while bathing kids, etc. Turn on a cartoon or send the kids out to play for a little while before your husband arrives home/before dinner if things start to get crazy! 

-Make the most of the time you’re both off work and try to keep the calendar free for family time. For example, if he is gone from 6am-6pm, then run your errands during that time &/or hang out with friends, then save most of the time after that for time together (and sometimes that might mean not inviting guests over in the evening!). Talk about it together as a couple and see what you can cut out to allow more family time. 

-Show affection in the home and in public! Your kids need to see you happy and having fun together as a couple! It provides a little extra security for everyone! 

-Get new lingerie (online is an easy way to buy!) as a surprise gift for birthdays, holidays, vacations or whenever! 

-Ask God to give you ideas of how you can surprise your husband or do things that will mean a lot to him. 

-Be intentional!

-Reflect often! (e.g. Think about fun times you’ve had together, your wedding, honeymoon, before marriage/dating season, etc.)

-Take the challenge to spend every night together during your first year of marriage…and be intentional about minimizing the nights you have to spend apart in the future! 

-Make weekly date time a priority!Even if you can’t go out, you can put the kids to bed early, have a candlelit dinner and watch a marriage video on YouTube and then discuss it together or read a marriage book together or take fun personality quizzes online! Anything to learn more about each other and strengthen your marriage! We have enjoyed listening to Ted Cunningham on YouTube. If you don’t have family close by and can’t spend money on a sitter/would rather put the money towards dinner, etc., consider swapping childcare every week with friends or another couple so you both get to have regular date times! 

-Book a kid-free weekend getaway once or twice a year! 

-Invest in counseling sessions a few times a year or as a birthday gift or Christmas present, just to learn helpful tips, keep tabs on your marriage and be constantly striving for better! 

A few helpful books: 

-“The 5 Love Languages” by Gary Chapman

-“His Needs, Her Needs” by Willard F. Harley, Jr.

-“Intended for Pleasure” by Ed Wheat, M.D.

-“Letters to My Daughters” by Barbara Rainey

-“Boundaries” by Dr. Henry Cloud and John Townsend 

-“The Total Money Makeover” by Dave Ramsey 

Other great resources:

–Family Life Today (podcasts, books, “Weekend To Remember” getaways)

-Ted Cunningham books and fun marriage videos on YouTube

–Focus on the Family books and podcasts

-Marriage Retreat at Fort Rock Family Camp

These lists are not all encompassing, but I hope they’ve provided you with some fun ideas! 

OMG!

Jill becomes more and more unlikable every day. She's a bossy know-it-all who knows virtually nothing, and yet she fills her SM with "advice" for everyone else. Her personal hygiene habits are poor and she dresses like she pulled something out of the hamper in the dark -- but she's selling clothes. She's a horrible cook who presents revolting looking food that is comically unhealthy -- but she's posting recipes. She has two children, and she's completely overwhelmed by them, and shows little affection toward them -- but she's giving parenting advice.

Now she's going to give marital advice. In all fairness, they seem much happier together now than they did a couple of years ago, but that's hardly a ringing endorsement. I assume that she got this list of banal tripe from a "wisdom booklet" or some other patriarchy-approved reading list. It might be less offensive if she posted a list of things she had learned in righting the ship of her own troubled marriage, but that would require some thought and introspection on her part -- not an option. Instead she's going to assume that we don't have internet access, or a library card, and are unable to uncover our own list of marriage pointers if we're so inclined.

It's all just so offensive, and she is just so dumb. If she were open to taking advice instead of giving it all the time, she could take a look at Jessa's SM which is pretty strictly limited to cute pictures of her toddlers, or Joe and Kendra's minuscule SM presence featuring pictures of their baby, or Jeremy and Jinger's carefully curated feed. She won't, though, because she's a Duggar and already knows everything there is to know, and she has no need to learn anything new.

[BradandJanet]

Jill's slop sounds like the godly relationship treacle Audrey and Jeremy Roloff (Little People, Big World) spout. The difference is that both Audrey and Jeremy have money, education, good clothes, competent dental work, and some sense of social media. They also write books. Sort of. 

Like Audrey and Jeremy, Jill and Derick don't have jobs, so there is lots of time to take themselves very seriously. They all seem to "protest" just a wee bit too much.  

[QuinnInND]

So I read that crap to Mr Quinn when he got home tonight. He asked if it was satire. I had to tell him no. He shook his head in disbelief.  

He was deployed 4 times during the last 5 years. If I wasn't able to fulfill my sexual desires alone, it would have been awful. I assume Mr Quinn did likewise during those times.  Jill would die if derkwad was away from her for 6 months or more at a time. 

[Westiepeach]

4 minutes ago, QuinnInND said:

So I read that crap to Mr Quinn when he got home tonight. He asked if it was satire. I had to tell him no. He shook his head in disbelief.  

He was deployed 4 times during the last 5 years. If I wasn't able to fulfill my sexual desires alone, it would have been awful. I assume Mr Quinn did likewise during those times.  Jill would die if derkwad was away from her for 6 months or more at a time. 

Jill would die if Derkwad was away from her for one day! Sheesh, when he worked at Walmart she couldn’t handle him being away from her for 8 freaking hours!

[babyhouseman]

Publications like People and US Weekly have picked up Jill's blog. Since they aren't on the show anymore, what's the PR angle for this? Derek is trying to embarrass the Duggars by having Jill talk about sex? 

[FizzyPuff]

2 hours ago, JoanArc said:

I'm studying for an huge exam Tuesday and I take a break to this? THIS? Jill Dillard telling me to wash my skanky pussy before my husband gets home, tackle him in the driveway like a starving dog, suck up every possible oxygen molecule between you, be his sole social outlet, then lock my starving, untried kids in their room, chained to their beds, and fuck like awkward virgins all night long. Ugh...

This whole thing reads like Jill asking Derick to pay attention to all the things she does for him. He won't. "3 or 4 times a week" is the new "More in love than ever". I still think Benessa is most likely to divorce some day...but now I think Jerrck will too.

Everyone's responses have been great. Back to the books.

@JoanArc you’re so funny, I was laughing so hard I had tears running down my face 😂 

[Heathen]

9 hours ago, Oldernowiser said:

If he’s getting some that often and still manages to be such a grumpy putz, that doesn’t bode well for the future.

It's not the quantity, it's the quality...ew. 

[irisheyes]

Who in the world has the energy to have sex 4 nights a week?  I mean, once you have kids and jobs, there’s just not enough energy left. My alarm goes off at 5 in the morning! 

And, no, I don’t run to the door when he gets home. If I did, he’d probably think one of the kids were dead or the house was on fire. Yet, it’ll be 24 years at the end of this month!

[Sew Sumi]

Was Jilly giving up the muffin 4x/week when she has been big pregnant? I can see Derelict demanding sex like that.

[Heathen]

11 minutes ago, Sew Sumi said:

Was Jilly giving up the muffin 4x/week when she has been big pregnant? I can see Derelict demanding sex like that.

He probably couldn't figure out how. ewwwwww 

Damn you, N, I can never look at a muffin of ANY type ever again. You've spoiled blueberry muffins for me for life! 

[Oldernowiser]

Well  I can only assume that it’s thanks to Jill and her buying lingerie online advice, but the ads I see on this page have changed from cheap-ass oversized clothing to cheap-ass sleazy lingerie that I do NOT need to be looking at.

[awaken]

I can’t stop laughing at “putting on fragrant lotion in front of him so he knows you’re ready for fun” and “make sure to use emojis!”.  It all sounds so exhausting to keep up with all the time.  Is she allowed to just not feel like it sometimes?

this is basically husband worship. I felt sick reading how her whole life is devoted to pleasing him. She can’t work because just worshiping him is a full time job. I need to see HIS manifesto on how he spends every moment pleasing Her. Ha. 

[DangerousMinds]

4 minutes ago, awaken said:

I can’t stop laughing at “putting on fragrant lotion in front of him so he knows you’re ready for fun” and “make sure to use emojis!”.  It all sounds so exhausting to keep up with all the time.  Is she allowed to just not feel like it sometimes?

this is basically husband worship. I felt sick reading how her whole life is devoted to pleasing him. She can’t work because just worshiping him is a full time job. I need to see HIS manifesto on how he spends every moment pleasing Her. Ha. 

Who knew men enjoyed emojis so much?

[galaxychaser]

1 hour ago, Sew Sumi said:

Was Jilly giving up the muffin 4x/week when she has been big pregnant? I can see Derelict demanding sex like that.

I’m laughing so hard! Yes muffins are ruined forever 

[Temperance]

3 hours ago, Sew Sumi said:

Was Jilly giving up the muffin 4x/week when she has been big pregnant? I can see Derelict demanding sex like that.

I can't. 

There's a screenshot of Jill replying to someone on Twitter? Instagram? (not sure). She says something to the effect of she loves sex.  It's floating around the internet if you care to look for it. I wouldn't be surprised if Jill is the one who initiates a lot of their intimacy. 

[Lunera]

15 minutes ago, Temperance said:

I can't. 

There's a screenshot of Jill replying to someone on Twitter? Instagram? (not sure). She says something to the effect of she loves sex.  It's floating around the internet if you care to look for it. I wouldn't be surprised if Jill is the one who initiates a lot of their intimacy. 

[Lunera]

Jilly learned from the best. Mullet taught her that being joyfully available and having constant sex equals a happy marriage. Her little list makes her seem completely pathetic. Like she's at home all day readying herself in case Derk feels like sex tonight. She probably only likes sex because she thinks shes making her headship happy, I doubt she has ever found it pleasurable. 

[Temperance]

@Lunera Is that from Instagram or Twitter or something else?

[MsJamieDornan]

She is such an idiot.

[Rabbittron]

3 hours ago, Lunera said:

I doubt she has ever found it pleasurable. 

OMG where is the fainting couch? You're telling me that sex can be and is pleasurable. 

[floridamom]

Go to bed ….fresh???Jill's post implies that she was unaware that she needed to shower, wash her face and brush her teeth before going to bed when she was single. I wholeheartedly believe that.