Jill, Derick & the Kids: Moving On!!

[Zella]

2 minutes ago, Growsonwalls said:

Derick probably is the most mainstream of any of the in-laws. We might not like him but he went to a public high school, a public university, and is getting a law degree at another public university. His family goes to a fairly mainstream Baptist church in Arkansas. Derick's mother lives a fairly mainstream life -- short hair, pants, works for a living. 

Yes, his upbringing was actually more mainstream than even Jeremy since Jeremy was homeschooled until high school. 

[Mojitogirl]

32 minutes ago, Namaste said:

Jill was one of the earliest marriages. Her younger siblings have married people slightly more mainstream than Derick. I’ve often wondered if she’d married after her siblings if she would have chosen someone more mainstream too and would she have agreed to the covenant marriage. 🤷‍♀️

ETA: oops, posted and saw all the responses similar. 
I don’t think her siblings except for Jinger, have married anyone more mainstream.  Derrick is the only one with a regular, crappy job delivering Grubhub, he has a college degree from a large public university, and is now in law school in a large public university. I actually think that after Jill, JB tightened up the screws and the spouses of the younger ones come from families that are committed to the JB ideology. Ben could perhaps have guided Jessa to break out of her Gothard cave, but JB tied him down and made them VERY dependent on JB. 

Edited January 20, 2020 by Mojitogirl

[dariafan]

I don’t see it as controlling, I see it as she’s not responsible enough to do it her self and he is looking out for her.  He may be a douche canoe, but I feel he does love her.    Jill is just so clueless at life.  And as a person who suffers from anxiety and depression I understand those feelings. 

[yogi2014L]

On 1/18/2020 at 2:20 PM, BigBingerBro said:

"the library to play" really irritates me.  

 Most libraries have large kids sections with numerous toys meant for kids to play...I take my daughter to the library to play all the time!! 

Edited January 20, 2020 by yogi2014L

[leighdear]

11 minutes ago, Mojitogirl said:

 I actually think that after Jill, JB tightened up the screws and the spouses of the younger ones come from families that are committed to the JB ideology. 

Yeah, that obviously never worked for Jeremy.  He is most definitely on a very different path from the JB way, though he may have pretended at the beginning to buy into their cult.  

[JustRosie]

I guess I didn’t express my thoughts clearly. Unlike the rest of her siblings, Jill married a guy she met online and spent two weeks hanging around with in Nepal along with JB. He was actively working as a missionary in Nepal, hadn’t showered or had a haircut in god knows how long (not criticizing, just saying). Their initial contact was a lot of texting bible verses to each other. Her siblings married people who lived/worked in the US, lived more common US fundie lifestyle (except Jer), courted in a more normal fashion, and had access to showers. There is a difference. That is all I’m saying. 

[JoanArc]

20 minutes ago, Growsonwalls said:

Derick probably is the most mainstream of any of the in-laws. We might not like him but he went to a public high school, a public university, and is getting a law degree at another public university. His family goes to a fairly mainstream Baptist church in Arkansas. Derick's mother lives a fairly mainstream life -- short hair, pants, works for a living. 

Don’t forget pushing 30 and still wearing his high school letter jacket.

[Zella]

3 minutes ago, leighdear said:

Yeah, that obviously never worked for Jeremy.  He is most definitely on a very different path from the JB way, though he may have pretended at the beginning to buy into their cult.  

With the mooching off of other people and affiliation with an extremist seminary, I'd say Jeremy is a lot more similar to JB than he ever wants to admit. 

[Oldernowiser]

17 minutes ago, JoanArc said:

Don’t forget pushing 30 and still wearing his high school letter jacket.

Didn’t he turn thirty a while ago?

[JoanArc]

3 minutes ago, Oldernowiser said:

Didn’t he turn thirty a while ago?

 He’s over 30? Oh dear, that makes it so much more pathetic. 

[ouinason]

Derrick probably fills the tank after Sunday church and other activities where they have the kids and her car is easier to take.  Stopping off on the way home to get gas isn't some grand inconvenience, and probably gives him peace of mind.  I'm sure Jill can, and does, get gas if she does a great deal of driving, but she mainly stays in a pretty small area and probably doesn't go through more than half a tank a week or so.  Lots of men put gas in their wife/girlfriend's car for them.  Lots of women expect the man to pump no matter who is paying for the gas.  Sometimes a full tank is just a full tank.

[Absolom]

19 hours ago, leighdear said:

She got sucked into the whole Covenant Marriage scam.  

No choice.  He's hers for LIFE.  Again, there is NO other option for her.  Making those statements meaningless.  

She or he could still get a divorce.  It just takes moving to another state or waiting it out, and getting some counseling.  

Scary thought occurred to me this weekend and I'm not sure why it took me years to see it.  Israel turns 5 next spring which means he's the same year for starting public kindergarten as my granddaughter.  They act about three years different in development!  I guess that's the difference in being home schooled by Jill and two years of Montessori.  

Edited January 20, 2020 by Absolom

[Growsonwalls]

Honestly all of the Duggars' SM run into the same issue: for wannabe influencers their lives just aren't interesting enough to provide the steady stream of content necessarily to be an "influencer." They don't do much. They don't have much interesting to say. They're totally separated from any pop culture events -- no movie reviews, no concert pictures. None of them seem to be animal people so we don't even get cute puppy/kitten pix. So what we get is ... Derick pumping gas. 

[sleepysuzy]

7 hours ago, Absolom said:

She or he could still get a divorce.  It just takes moving to another state, waiting it out, and getting some counseling.  

Scary thought occurred to me this weekend and I'm not sure why it took me years to see it.  Israel turns 5 next spring which means he's the same year for starting public kindergarten as my granddaughter.  They act about three years different in development!  I guess that's the difference in being home schooled by Jill and two years of Montessori.  

I'm kind of hoping Jill ends up sending them to a nearby Christian school. I actually think it would be a great fit for Jill to get a job as a classroom aid at an early learning program and use the discount and her pay to enroll the boys. She seemed to do pretty well in a large group setting where she was in charge of specific tasks. She struggles with being in charge of everything all day at home, though.

[kokapetl]

16 hours ago, ginger90 said:

 

Is this one of the many things that makes Jill anxious? 
ETA: I’m being serious. 

Edited January 20, 2020 by kokapetl
I’m being serious

[Lisa418722]

7 hours ago, ouinason said:

Derrick probably fills the tank after Sunday church and other activities where they have the kids and her car is easier to take.  Stopping off on the way home to get gas isn't some grand inconvenience, and probably gives him peace of mind.  I'm sure Jill can, and does, get gas if she does a great deal of driving, but she mainly stays in a pretty small area and probably doesn't go through more than half a tank a week or so.  Lots of men put gas in their wife/girlfriend's car for them.  Lots of women expect the man to pump no matter who is paying for the gas.  Sometimes a full tank is just a full tank.

When I was a kid, my dad always filled up the car for my mom.  She worked, she would sometimes go to see her parents without my dad, but that was something he would do without thinking about it.  After he got sick, she had to start filling the car up herself. She always said she could do it, but she missed having my dad take care of that.  There would be times I would go home to visit them for the weekend and he would fill my car up and I was always grateful when he would take care of that for me.  I think for Derick and Jill, it's the same sort of thing.  This time Jill posted about it and people are making a bigger deal out of this than I think it is.   Our weather is cooler and windy today and I need to stop by the gas station after my eye appointment today.  I would be appreciative if someone would fill my car up for me.  I'll even pay.  LOL 

Edited January 20, 2020 by Lisa418722

[andromeda331]

10 hours ago, Mojitogirl said:

ETA: oops, posted and saw all the responses similar. 
I don’t think her siblings except for Jinger, have married anyone more mainstream.  Derrick is the only one with a regular, crappy job delivering Grubhub, he has a college degree from a large public university, and is now in law school in a large public university. I actually think that after Jill, JB tightened up the screws and the spouses of the younger ones come from families that are committed to the JB ideology. Ben could perhaps have guided Jessa to break out of her Gothard cave, but JB tied him down and made them VERY dependent on JB. 

I've wondered that about Derick and Jeremy both causing JB to tighten the screws. He anticipated they'd tow the line and let him dictate their lives. Derick did for awhile before going off the rails and Jeremy never really did but JB can't really do anything about it because their still doing the show and fans love Jinger. Since then everyone after Jeremy seems to young, meek, or too likely to just go along with whatever JB wants and not rock the boat. Its hard to imagine Kendra, Lauren or Abbie putting their foot down or anything. Austin doesn't seem to like it but he seems to just go along with it. I doubt that's an accident. 

[Zahdii]

1 hour ago, Lisa418722 said:

I would be appreciative if someone would fill my car up for me.  I'll even pay.

Well, if you live in Oregon or New Jersey, state laws will prevent you from filling your own tank.  In fact, I've never filled a gas tank.  

Every time I travel out of state, I'm not allowed to do it.  I can get the gas cap off, but as soon as I ask the attendant or another customer if I need to do anything else other than put the nozzle in the hole and press the lever, I get funny looks.  I tell them I'm from Oregon and have never pumped gas before.  They fall over themselves to do it for me.  They always say that they don't want me to break my record, but sometimes I wonder if they think I just can't handle it.  

I've even had attendants grab my money out of my hand and run inside to pay for me, returning with my change and a receipt.  That sucks when I was intending to go inside to use the restroom or buy a snack, but they always look so proud and happy, I just give them a tip and go somewhere else for that other stuff.

[Minivanessa]

1 hour ago, andromeda331 said:

I've wondered that about Derick and Jeremy both causing JB to tighten the screws. He anticipated they'd tow the line and let him dictate their lives. Derick did for awhile before going off the rails and Jeremy never really did but JB can't really do anything about it because their still doing the show and fans love Jinger. Since then everyone after Jeremy seems to young, meek, or too likely to just go along with whatever JB wants and not rock the boat. Its hard to imagine Kendra, Lauren or Abbie putting their foot down or anything. Austin doesn't seem to like it but he seems to just go along with it. I doubt that's an accident. 

Back when Josh was the only married Duggarling, and three or four of his sisters were 20 or older and unmarried, I speculated that JB was resisting marrying them off for a few reasons.

First, the older J'slaves were an essential source of household labor since the next younger bunch were males and thus useless around the house. So JB wanted to let the Lost Girls get closer to useful J'slave ages before letting go of the Jana-to-Joy group.

Also, JB obviously got off on hauling the whole group of kids around for appearances, and marrying them off could break up the set. Especially the daughters, since technically they would be under new headships. With Josh married, they could sort of toss in his obedient bride, but adding more spouses would get awkward.

These days I also think that despite JB's high opinion of himself, his daughters weren't generating marital interest in young men he thought desirable. And I'll give him this, I don't think he forced any daughter to marry a man she didn't want to. There were some public comments, maybe in THs on the show, about guys who were interested but just not okay. I got the idea they would have said "creepy," but were being careful with their comments. Also, he may have expected to marry them off neatly in order of age, and nobody was appealing to Jana. 

So eventually, JB had four daughters in their 20's and not yet married - which is old maid status in fundiedom. Ben and Derick came knocking at the door, and then Jinger met Jeremy via the Seewalds. I absolutely agree that JB expected his sons-in-law to toe his line, although by the time Jinger married Jeremy I think JB was having his doubts about that one. 

I think the way Jill's and Jinger's marriages have worked out is just evidence that JB's idea that if he just indoctrinates his kids with the right doctrines and controls their lives enough, their lives and marriages and everything will go according to his (JB's) plan - is wrong. He's not the first, nor will be be the last, control freak who lives to learn that he's not God, nor is he above the rest of us by knowing exactly what God wants. (Which is often, quite conveniently, what JB wants, but that's a bigger discussion.) 

OTOH he picked out, as noted, nice girls from fundie families for his sons, and they're no more likely to rock the boat than the Duggar sons are. And Ben seems to be keeping quiet and sticking to the Duggar line so far, while Austin is from a thoroughly Gothard/fundie family and I'm sure JB is very smug about the success of that dynastic union. 

[PradaKitty]

I live in California and would gladly pay extra to have someone fill my gas tank! 

[Nysha]

17 hours ago, leighdear said:

Yeah, that obviously never worked for Jeremy.  He is most definitely on a very different path from the JB way, though he may have pretended at the beginning to buy into their cult.  

I think Jeremy is on a parallel path as JB. He was older and more worldly, so instead of his family submitting to JB like the others he is the ultimate authority over Jinger and Felicity. Derick and Jill only broke away when Derick decided the cons outweighed to pros under JB. However, I think he is a lot less controlling than Jeremy. Jinger's public life is all a facade to facilitate Jeremy's desire to be a modern Christian influencer. Derick seems to accept Jill as she is, allowing her to grow at her own pace.

[sixlets]

Maybe Derick decided to go to law school so he has a leg up on getting out of his covenant marriage.  I have a feeling he spends most of his time thinking he has three kids.  Jill appears to be...a lot.  A lot of work, effort, and just a lot.  She's a fragile human being, and that's through no fault of her own.  Between the way she was raised and the molestation, she didn't have a fighting chance, and that just sucks.

I can see JB regretting "allowing" Jill to marry Derick at this point.  He was semi-mainstream, he had an education, and just more life experience.  He had to tighten the list of who could marry in after Derick.  He couldn't take another chance that someone could open up one of the other kids' mind.  JB needs to be in control.  I think he met his match with Derick to an extent, and he can't handle the thought of 'losing' another kid, even though they are just a number.  Regardless of what is happening between JB & D, Sam & Izzy (and to an extent, Jill) are the ones suffering.

[Sew Sumi]

I doubt JB is suffering. He's the one imposing rules on Jill that don't exist for any other adult child. Jill, OTOH, is suffering. She's into self-help to get her through the fact that she's been essentially shunned by her family. 

[QuinnInND]

Catching up here. My phone died and I couldn't remember my login info. Too much fun around here.

Jill.. That dress... Ewww. Looks OK from the waist up. But that's all. To the poster who said the grass in that picture is dead. It's not dead. Just dormant for winter. 

The boys looked like they were having fun in the little snow that fell. 

I'm glad Jill is taking them to the library. They need it. 

Wonderful they get to spend time with grandma. My kids love it when grandma comes. Since we're easier to get to now, she's coming more often. She's their only grandparent, and makes the most of it. I've got pics of her reading to them, just like Cathy is. 

While it's nice of Deertick to fill her tank for her, it's not Instagram worthy. 

I feel bad for Jill being shunned by the rest of the family. Asshole JimBlob. 

[Spencer Hastings]

I mean...JB deserves whatever he gets out of Derick.  He basically found him, passed him off to Jill by strongly suggesting they talk (I still think Jana politely declined), and arranged it so that they could leap frog past Jessa and Ben every step of the way because he thought he was better than the Seewalds and wanted to control Benessa.  He thought Derick would continue to worship him and fall in line but he didn’t factor in Derick’s ego.  It would be amusing if Jill wasn’t suffering because of it. This is why we can’t have nice things. 

Edited January 21, 2020 by Spencer Hastings

[GeeGolly]

I see JB as a goofy guy who found a set a "faith based" rules to follow and has a wife who enforces them.

I'm not sure JB (or Michelle) has kept Jill from their home. I'm guessing they have kept Derick away. Derick saying Jill had to get permission to go to the TTH to help out Jessa was probably about him and not Jill. Maybe he needed to give her a ride because one of their cars weren't working. It's not like Derick has a record of truthfulness.

Even if Derick is telling near (or complete) truths about the Duggar parents, he's doing it on social media, so If I was JB and M, I wouldn't feel comfortable with Derick coming to my home until we came to some sort of understanding with each other.

I'll be curious to see what Derick says, if and when he addresses the 'TTH ban' at a later date on SM. He has a history of changing up his stories. 

Even if Jill is onboard with Derick's feelings about her parents, I agree with you all, it's likely hard for her. One of the reasons many folks keep their head in the sand in regard to toxic environments is because there is a plethora of uncomfortable emotions and decisions that come with the alternative.

If you think about it, it doesn't really matter if Jill is breaking, or being forced away from the Duggars, because Derick is just as hateful as they are.

Quietly sending robocalls to deny trans folks rights or calling a trans female he on SM. They're both awful.
 

[kokapetl]

12 hours ago, sixlets said:

Maybe Derick decided to go to law school so he has a leg up on getting out of his covenant marriage.  I have a feeling he spends most of his time thinking he has three kids.  Jill appears to be...a lot.  A lot of work, effort, and just a lot.  She's a fragile human being, and that's through no fault of her own.  Between the way she was raised and the molestation, she didn't have a fighting chance, and that just sucks.

I can see JB regretting "allowing" Jill to marry Derick at this point.  He was semi-mainstream, he had an education, and just more life experience.  He had to tighten the list of who could marry in after Derick.  He couldn't take another chance that someone could open up one of the other kids' mind.  JB needs to be in control.  I think he met his match with Derick to an extent, and he can't handle the thought of 'losing' another kid, even though they are just a number.  Regardless of what is happening between JB & D, Sam & Izzy (and to an extent, Jill) are the ones suffering.

A covenant marriage divorce just has long legal separation periods, like 2 years.

Regarding JimBob‘s control over courtships, Derick is the one he had the most control over. Derick is the only one who approached JimBob and let him basically assign Derick a wife. Derick is a weird person. 

[Suzn]

4 hours ago, GeeGolly said:

 

If you think about it, it doesn't really matter if Jill is breaking, or being forced away from the Duggars, because Derick is just as hateful as they are.

Quietly sending robocalls to deny trans folks rights or calling a trans female he on SM. They're both awful.
 

Exactly! She may appear to be living a more mainstream life, but that is only a very shallow surface.

[lascuba]

On 1/19/2020 at 5:09 PM, xwordfanatik said:

I'm missing the point here.  Is pumping one's own gasoline worth documenting?  Damn, I've been doing it wrong, then.

As as resident of New Jersey...yes, yes it is.

 

On 1/20/2020 at 2:35 PM, Nysha said:

I think Jeremy is on a parallel path as JB. He was older and more worldly, so instead of his family submitting to JB like the others he is the ultimate authority over Jinger and Felicity. Derick and Jill only broke away when Derick decided the cons outweighed to pros under JB. However, I think he is a lot less controlling than Jeremy. Jinger's public life is all a facade to facilitate Jeremy's desire to be a modern Christian influencer. Derick seems to accept Jill as she is, allowing her to grow at her own pace.

I completely agree. Derick's a hateful bigot but I don't think he's controlling of Jill.  I think they're on the same page on pretty much everything and whatever issues Jill has, Derick's treatment of her isn't one of them (well, I mean other than the enabling).

[libgirl2]

On 1/19/2020 at 7:23 PM, queenanne said:

Yeah, it's... not that anymore, in the overwhelming majority of public libraries.  (Source:  Master of Library Science degree granted 2016) . They call this, "Library 2.0", because nobody can be bothered to tell their kids that any public place should be quiet anymore; or that anyone should put down their cell phones.  The goal is then to get people "using" the library, which they weren't doing anymore when it was the stuffy source of "SHHHHHHHHH!"s and mean looks.  Nowadays, this method of getting butts in library seats is done with Story Time, DVD lending, 3D printers, Starbucks (!), my local library was advertising a teen Wii tournament a few years back, etc., etc.  As somebody who can't concentrate with extraneous noise anywhere, I pay an annual fee for membership to an academic library.

I work at a library. We have a Studio where patrons can record music or create videos as well. We lend video games, blu-rays, Rokus (for streaming services), barbies, American girl dolls..... some libraries in our area lend cake pans, musical instruments and fishing poles!

The goal is to get people in the library, the goal is to make them happy, the goal is to have them support their library the next time a referendum comes around..... give them as much value for their tax dollars. We had a referendum pass for a new building 10 years ago. Our building is huge and our patrons love it. Many libraries around us were not able to get referendums approved, they too have had to offer more to make patrons realize how valuable a resource we can be. We still have books and people still check them out. 

I do agree that the library isn't as quiet as it used to be. Come early in the day or on the weekends.... avoid after school! 

Edited January 21, 2020 by libgirl2

[sixlets]

23 hours ago, Sew Sumi said:

I doubt JB is suffering. He's the one imposing rules on Jill that don't exist for any other adult child. Jill, OTOH, is suffering. She's into self-help to get her through the fact that she's been essentially shunned by her family. 

Perhaps I should have worded my post differently.  I don't believe for one second that JB is suffering, hence my original statement.  It's becoming more obvious that something is going on between Derick and JB.  We only get bits & pieces, and what D decides to allude to on social media.  Behind closed doors, I don't think these two guys give two hoots about each other.  But, the longer this rift continues, it's going to be Jill, Izzy, and Sam that pay the price.

10 hours ago, kokapetl said:

A covenant marriage divorce just has long legal separation periods, like 2 years.

Regarding JimBob‘s control over courtships, Derick is the one he had the most control over. Derick is the only one who approached JimBob and let him basically assign Derick a wife. Derick is a weird person. 

Someone needs to come up with a solid way to define sarcasm on the internet.  I didn't mean to imply his reasoning for law school was literally to get divorced.  I do think he did it as a way to skirt adult responsibilities by being a perpetual student.  I'm with you the weird person though.  Perhaps that Pistol Pete head was on a little too tight.

[ginger90]

 

[ginger90]

 

 

 

[ginger90]

 

 

 

[JustRosie]

5 minutes ago, ginger90 said:

 

 

 

Well done Jill!  Preschool is next, right?

[madpsych78]

I'm trying to figure out the little statues on the piano. They look like mini Derick/Jills in various poses.

[ginger90]

26 minutes ago, madpsych78 said:

I'm trying to figure out the little statues on the piano. They look like mini Derick/Jills in various poses.

I’m pretty sure they are Willow Tree figures.

[QuinnInND]

2 hours ago, Namaste said:

Well done Jill!  Preschool is next, right?

I hope so! I'm so happy to see the boys using those. Very nice! 

[BigBingerBro]

Too bad it's not a video, I'd like to see how well Israel knows his phonics.  

[Westiepeach]

3 hours ago, Namaste said:

Well done Jill!  Preschool is next, right?

OMG. I thought you meant Preschool for Jilly... my bad. Carry on...

[Natalie68]

On 1/19/2020 at 5:20 PM, cmr2014 said:

I agree. I think it's far more likely that Derick has to encourage Jill to go out and do more on her own, and that Jill tells him - in excruciating detail - about every moment of her day.

Just because Jill is submissive and easy to control, though, doesn't mean that Derick isn't controlling.

Look lady, you have a full tank of gas.  Get out of the freaking house for gods sake!

[Sew Sumi]

Apparently, it snowed today, (Jill posted about it in her stories) so I can see them staying in.

[lulu69]

Forgive me if this has already been discussed. I'm assuming Santa Claus (or whoever they believe in) did not bring a new puppy for Iz and Sam as we surely would have seen 100 posts about it.

As a dog lover I say THANK GOD for small miracles. 

[Oldernowiser]

1 hour ago, lulu69 said:

As a dog lover I say THANK GOD for small miracles. 

Amen.

Derick is all wrong to be a dog owner and Jill is clueless.

[Growsonwalls]

Wow real educational learning tools! So happy to see them. And they're regular educational tools. No Bible verses attached. To use Jilly's favorite word: "Yay!"

[awaken]

Yeah-  I was going to say, pretty typical and age-appropriate learning activity- “yay”!!

[Sew Sumi]

 

[crazy8s]

23 minutes ago, Sew Sumi said:

since Jill lashed out at a comment suggesting she was unhappy at home on Instagram. we are now going to see a bunch of happy/how much I love my life as #boymom pics

Edited January 23, 2020 by crazy8s

[drafan]

14 minutes ago, Sew Sumi said:

 

Does she have a photo of (Olympic-era) Bruce Jenner in her bible?

[kokapetl]

Just now, drafan said:

Does she have a photo of (Olympic-era) Bruce Jenner in her bible?

It’s one of the runners up to Christa McAuliffe.