Favorite Quotes: "What the hell goes on at night in this house?!"

[AndySmith]

Big Daddy:   Well, now I don't want you to get too excited, but Margaret and I are planning on walking down the aisle together.

Blanche :     OHHHHHHH!

Big Daddy:   Is she happy or sad?

Rose:           I'm not sure, I've never heard her make that sound before.

Dorothy:       No, I once heard her make that sound, and I assure you, she was happy.

 

Rose:          Oh, don't give up, Dorothy. If the ancient Egyptians could move twenty ton stone blocks to build the pyramids, we can move a toilet.

Dorothy:      Fine, Rose. Get me twenty thousand Hebrews and I'll see what I can do.

 

Blanche:      He is so sophisticated and charming and rich and handsome. He fairly screams Blanche. At least, he will when I'M through with him.

 

Blanche:      What was your first impression of me?

Rose:          I thought you wore too much makeup and were a slut. I was wrong. You don't wear too much makeup.

 

Blanche:     Oh girls... I'm just in ecstasy. My body is tingling all over. You will never guess what just happened.

Sophia:       We know what happened. Let us just guess what part of the Middle East he's from.

 

Rose:         You know, I've been thinking...

Blanche:     Oh, that would explain the beads of sweat.

 

Dorothy:     Ma, I'm never playing cards with you again!

Sophia:       Yes you will. You're just too competitive. It's always been your worst feature. No, wait-your ears are your worst feature.

Dorothy:     Can you believe that?

Blanche:     No, I always thought your bony feet were your worst feature.

 

Dorothy:     Aw, Rose, did you have a leak in your room too?

Rose:         No, Dorothy. I was just milking the cow I keep in my closet. Wow, with only three hours of sleep, I can be as bitchy as you!

 

Edited January 18, 2016 by AndySmith

[FormerMod-a1]

"Nothing sounds idiotic if it's wet enough" - Blanche.

[Bastet]

Sister Rose and Sister Blanche, when Dorothy and Stan are pretending to still be married to spare Uncle Angelo's heart, are on right now.

 

"We're here collecting lingerie for needy sexy people."

 

"Oh, Jesus! ...  Please protect us and watch over us during this our time of need."

[JellyBean77]

"I feel like crawling under the covers and eating Velveeta right out of the box!" - Rose Nylund

"I'm Catholic. I can't spread a Wise Man on a Ritz cracker." - Sophia Petrillo

"You bought pantyhose in 'petite.' Anybody can see you couldn't get those past your knees!" - Rose Nylund

"His klingenschpritzer's showing!" - Rose Nylund

"You know these peas taste just like fresh? But you can't mix them with the mashed potatoes. They should have a tunnel running from the pea compartment to the mashed potato compartment." - Sal Petrillo

"Think about it in your room, Your Highness. I need to use the throne." - Sophia Petrillo

[wanderingstar]

Quote

"Oh, Jesus! ...  Please protect us and watch over us during this our time of need."

Amen!

[AndySmith]

Sophia: Alright, everyone get ready for temple!

Dorothy: But Ma, it's Tuesday and we're Catholic.

Sophia: In that case, bacon and eggs?

 

Blanche: What's the matter with [Rose]?

Dorothy: She's upset.

Blanche: Is it about Arnie?

Dorothy: No, Blanche. She's upset because they keep changing the taste of Coke!

 

Rose: Didn't you ever do the bills, Dorothy?

Dorothy: No, Stanley always did. He always had to take his clothes off to count to twenty-one.

 

Blanche: [referring to her brother and his lover visiting] My goodness, what would the neighbors think if they saw two men lying in my bed?

Sophia: They'd think it's Tuesday.

 

Sophia: If I met a man who was over seventy but still looked half-way decent, I'd be on my back faster than you could say, "I've fallen and I can't get up!"

 

Dorothy: Rose, do I look like I just fell off the turnip truck!

Rose: No, but you do look the woman who used to drive it.

 

Stan: Hey girls, you really should keep that back door locked, any idiot could walk in.

Sophia: Any idiot just did.

 

Dorothy: Ma, I'm never playing cards with you again!

Sophia: Yes you will. You're just too competitive. It's always been your worst feature. No, wait. Your ears are your worst feature.

Dorothy: Can you believe that?

Blanche: No. I always thought your bony feet were your worst feature.

Edited May 16, 2016 by AndySmith

[MaggieG]

Dorothy: Face it Rose, your daughter moves faster than Marcus Allen. 

Rose: I can't face it. I don't even know who Marcus Allen is. 

When I was younger I also had no idea who Marcus Allen was but after watching People vs OJ Simpson, I'm better informed lol

[Blergh]

Sophia- Absolutely! It would break Rose's heart if she found out  Danny Thomas's lesbian!

[wanderingstar]

Rose: Did I ever tell you about my cousin, Vigdof Fricken? He tried to go it alone in a two-legged race. Well...

Dorothy: Rose, please, I don't wanna hear about your fricken cousin!

[Marsupial]

Sophia, telling the girls about her friend who just died:

Rose: What did she die of?

Sophia: She was fighting fires on an oil rig and it exploded. She was 88 years old! What do you think she died of?

Rose: It's nice she was able to keep working right up until the end.

 

When they're looking at scratchoff tickets and Dorothy is sure she's won:

Dorothy: I have three palm trees!

Sophia: No you don't. You don't even know what a palm tree looks like.

Dorothy: I certainly do know what a palm tree looks like.

Sophia: And you know what a handsome doctor looks like. Doesn't mean you've got one.

And later...

Blanche: Now I don't feel so bad about spending all this money on this aviator jacket. And I can afford some accessories for it!

Rose: Like a purse?

Blanche: Like an aviator.

[Madding crowd]

Sophia: In Italy, $5.00 gets you a woman, a massage, a cappuccino and a box of Milano to take home to the wife. 

[Lesia]

At the telethon for the McKinley Lighthouse:  (All paraphrasing as my memory is going but this got me each time...)

Rose at the piano:  Here's one of my favorites, "I Never Thought I'd Grow a Hair There.."  playing- "Oom pah pah..oom pah pah...oh what the hell is that hair..."

Blanch on the phones at the telethon: "We just got a pledge for $50!!"

Cut to Sophia on the phone, "If you get Rose to shut up I'll give you another $50."

[legaleagle53]

Since she just passed away today, here's a bit of dialogue from Debbie Reynolds when she played a prospective new roommate:

(Talking about Rose):  Crazy or stupid?

Blanche:  We think it's a combination.

[Kiddvideo]

2 hours ago, legaleagle53 said:

Since she just passed away today, here's a bit of dialogue from Debbie Reynolds when she played a prospective new roommate:

(Talking about Rose):  Crazy or stupid?

Blanche:  We think it's a combination.

LOL. I'd forgotten she was on the show.

Blanche trying to figure out Debbie's age (paraphrasing): How old were you when your husband died?

Debbie: About as old as you.

Blanche: <tsking> To lose a husband that young

[Michel]

On ‎12‎/‎28‎/‎2016 at 8:16 PM, legaleagle53 said:

Since she just passed away today, here's a bit of dialogue from Debbie Reynolds when she played a prospective new roommate:

(Talking about Rose):  Crazy or stupid?

Blanche:  We think it's a combination.

The new roommate's name was Truby, and Blanche actually said, "We think it's a mix."

[Madding crowd]

One of my favorites: after Rose reveals she had 56 boyfriends before meeting Charlie. Dorothy: The slut is dead, long live the slut!

[Aja]

Blanche: I've never been so embarrassed in all my life!

Dorothy: What about the time you lost the key to your handcuffs and had to go with that guy on his mail route?

[Cobalt Stargazer]

On 1/12/2017 at 2:19 PM, Aja said:

Blanche: I've never been so embarrassed in all my life!

Dorothy: What about the time you lost the key to your handcuffs and had to go with that guy on his mail route?

Which brings us to:

"Don't speak to me, Rose, what you did was terrible! I've never been so embarrassed!"

"That's not true! What about the time you got caught with the Orkin man?"

[StaceyNotStacie]

The episode where they thought Dorothy was switched with another baby was on over the weekend. She said something like "Does it say Kmart on the back of my nightgown?" during the episode.  It amused me and made me sad at the same time knowing how popular Kmart was back in the day and how downhill they have gone. Today that quote would have had Walmart or Walgreens substituted for Kmart. 

[Hotchgirl18]

You only gonna sit in an inch of water? 

Blanche: She's jealous because she can't get any. 

Rose: Any what?

Dorothy: Chocolate chip cookies, Rose! 

[ZuluQueenOfDwarves]

On 2/27/2017 at 3:59 PM, Stacey1014 said:

The episode where they thought Dorothy was switched with another baby was on over the weekend. She said something like "Does it say Kmart on the back of my nightgown?" during the episode.  It amused me and made me sad at the same time knowing how popular Kmart was back in the day and how downhill they have gone. Today that quote would have had Walmart or Walgreens substituted for Kmart. 

"As a matter of fact it does, you cheapskate!"

[Aja]

Blanche: Have you ever heard of dirty dancing?

Dorothy: Sure, they did it in that movie.

Rose: What movie?

Dorothy: Lawrence of Arabia, Rose!

[Maherjunkie]

I found this in the bitter children of celebrities section.

[ShadowSixx]

Dr. Warren : Okay Mrs. Pitrillow, let's see if we can get you patched up huh. Thank you Rose. Why is a woman your age moving furniture?

Sophia: For food.

Dr. Warren: Right this way. (To Dorothy) You make me sick!

 

Blanche: Dorothy, wait up, will you wait a minute, you just walk so fast.

Dorothy: I am in a hurry!

Blanche: It's not sexy. Well it's not. A woman should take little delicate steps as if to say, 'Yes I may be slower than you but maybe I'm worth waiting for.'

Dorothy: Blanche, it's the middle of the night, my mother is missing, and I'm scared to death, and I'm trying to find a doctor. You'll have to excuse me if I don't have the rolling gait of a nymphomaniac. 

Blanche: Well now look Dorothy, I'm scared too, I'm terrified. Sophia is practically my mother too. If we don't find her I don't know how I'm going to respond, but I like to think that I'm not gonna be any less sexy.

Dorothy: You're just a great big pile of estrogen aren't you?

[moonb]

Blanche: Not all my dreams are sexual. I also dream about food. Course I'm usually naked while I'm eating the food. 

 

Blanche: Since the funeral, I've been with other men. Many, many men. Always felt like I was cheating on you.

George:  Everyday I was gone I always wished you could find someone to make you happy.....how many men?

Blanche: Two

 

Lesser known, but still great. All in the delivery, as always.

[camom]

Blanche did have some really great lines:

I'm jumpier than a virgin at a prison rodeo.

There is a fine line between having a good time and being a wanton slut.  I know.  My toe has been on that line.

One year after your spouse dying isn't anything.  Why, I've had people call me when their wife was in intensive care.

[Aja]

One of my top 5 Blanche moments is a very small, small one, but again, just slayed by Rue's delivery. The episode where Big Daddy shows up with his new wife, and Blanche was shocked by how young she was... During the awkward introduction, the lady said "I'm sorry we're so late, traffic was terrible" and Blanche says "Well, the important thing is you got here SAFE-LAY." Her barely-contained rage is a hoot.

Edited March 28, 2017 by Aja

[AndySmith]

Blanche: How do I look in this dress?
Sophia:  What's it matter? In half an hour it'll be crumpled on the floor next to an empty bottle of Jack Daniels.

Rose: Ned was sort of the town idiot.
Sophia: When? On your days off?

Blanche: You know, Sophia, this birthday thing kinda has me depressed as well. You think you could help me, too?
Sophia: Sure. No matter how bad things get, remember these sage words: you're old, you sag, get over it!
Blanche: Sophia!
Sophia: So what if you knew Jesus personally? Wake up and smell the coffee, ya fossil!!
Blanche: My mistake. I thought since you looked like Yoda, you were also wise.

Sophia: Make way for the victors!
Rose: You won?!
Sophia: No, we lost and all changed our names to 'Victor'.

Stan: Hey girls, you really should keep that back door locked, any idiot could walk in.
Sophia: Any idiot just did.

Blanche: I once tried to go cold turkey.
Dorothy: You don't mean...?
Blanche: That's right. I tried to give up sex.
Dorothy: Well, you obviously fell off of the wagon...
Sophia: And onto a naval base!

Blanche: Dorothy, since when do you care about your looks?
Dorothy: Ever since I climbed down from the bell tower to have my hump fixed.

[TaraS1]

On 3/27/2017 at 7:14 PM, moonb said:

Blanche: Since the funeral, I've been with other men. Many, many men. Always felt like I was cheating on you.

George:  Everyday I was gone I always wished you could find someone to make you happy.....how many men?

Blanche: Two

Lesser known, but still great. All in the delivery, as always.

I can hear Rue's delivery of "Many, many men..." in my head just as clearly as if I was watching the episode lol

[scarynikki12]

I can spends days quoting the Girls. They're the best. 

In no particular order: 

Blanche: Saturday, pfft. Get lucky on a Tuesday morning and then call me. 

 

Dorothy: Why do I even ask you? 

and 

Dorothy: Eleven hundred dollars. 

are two I use in real life. 

 

Blanche: So I sent my fiancé off for some punch, walked over to you and said "may I have this dance?"

George: And I said "the pleasure would be all mine"

Blanche: And I said "I know it" 

 

Sophia: Who?

Rose: A Hungarian artist we've all been posing nude for. 

Sophia: In the future a simple "none of your business Sophia will suffice"

 

Rose: Hypersexual bitch. 

 

I'm stopping there cause, again, I can go for days. 

[BitterApple]

Blanche after kicking Dorothy out of the Elvis fan club:

"Maybe you should join an organization that is a little less fanatical in its' devotion."

Dorothy: "Like what, Blanche? The PLO?"

Gets me every time, lol.

[TudorQueen]

Quote

 

Blanche: Since the funeral, I've been with other men. Many, many men. Always felt like I was cheating on you.

George:  Everyday I was gone I always wished you could find someone to make you happy.....how many men?

Blanche: Two

Lesser known, but still great. All in the delivery, as always.

I can hear Rue's delivery of "Many, many men..." in my head just as clearly as if I was watching the episode lol

 

 

Me, too, my little magnolia!

[tribeca]

On 3/9/2017 at 11:25 PM, Maherjunkie said:

I found this in the bitter children of celebrities section.

Bitter children of celebrities?   How did I miss this 

 

quote what do you wear on a cruise?

the life jacket and a smile 

[bettername2come]

On 3/28/2017 at 3:52 PM, camom said:

Blanche did have some really great lines:

I'm jumpier than a virgin at a prison rodeo.

Dorothy: That's pretty jumpy.

[stonehaven]

Sophia:"Jealousy is an ugly thing, Dorothy....and so are you in anything backless"..

[ShadowSixx]

Dorothy: Cheesecake Rose?

Rose: Let's tase it and find out.

 

Sophia: What are you doin' up? You have school tomorrow.

Dorothy: Oh, I'm just too smart for my own good. I feel as trapped and isolated as Soren Kierkegaard in his final days.

Rose laughs

Dorothy: What?

Rose: That's such a funny name.

Dorothy: Oh, Rose, dear, sweet, single digit IQ Rose. 

 

Rose: I guess you don't feel like Sorten Kareerdybarten now.

Dorothy: That's Soren Kierkegaard.

Rose: I got her to say it again.

 

Blanche: I can't sleep. I don't know what I'm gonna do about Jason. He's reached a point in his life where he's anxious to settle down. He wants us to have another child right away. Well, frankly, I don't know if I want another baby so soon.

Dorothy: I understand. Wait a couple years, and Medicare will pay for it.

Sophia: Why wait? Have it now and The Enquirer will pay for it.

[Mrs. Hanson]

When Al and Bobby are going undercover and an attraction grows between Al and Dorothy:

"C'mon!!!  Who do you think you are?  Lady Di?"

"You know some manners go a long way.......OH MY GOD I AM CRAZY NUTS ABOUT THIS GUY!"  

The way Bea Arthur delivers that line is too funny!!!

On 4/18/2017 at 8:36 AM, TaraS1 said:

Blanche: Since the funeral, I've been with other men. Many, many men. Always felt like I was cheating on you.

George:  Everyday I was gone I always wished you could find someone to make you happy.....how many men?

The pause when he says "How many men?" is just too perfect.

There are too many lines in the one where Rose is dating Dr. Jonathon Newman, so I will stick with this one from Sophia:

"Let the man out of the pillowcase.  It is okay that he sleeps over."  

Okay, a few more:  "Dorothy, tell me.....is that man a m*****?"  "Yes ma." "Thank goodness, I thought I was having a stroke!"

[ShadowSixx]

Blanche: Oooh crush on the teacher. I had those. Of course I had to hide them from the principal because they made him jealous.

 

Blanche: I am tired of you lurking around outside my house and tailing me at the supermarket. Now enough is enough. You have an unhealthy obsessive love for me. Honey, you need professional help.

David: Mrs. Deveraux, I don't have those feelings for you.

Blanche: Oh.

 

David: My mother passed away recently and I found out that for years that she had been receiving child support checks from a trust fund in Miami. Well I was always told that my dad died before I was born. Then I found my birth certificate and there listed as my father was George Devereaux. 

Rose: Well maybe there was another George Devereaux in Miami.

David: And this was the address in my mom's old book.

Rose: Who also lived in this house.

Edited October 27, 2017 by ShadowSixx

[mmecorday]

Because of the recent death of a rock n' roll legend, I was thinking about a line Dorothy says in the episode about Blanche becoming engaged to a millionaire named Richard, who has young children, one of whom is named for him. He takes Blanche and the kids to the Bahamas for a weekend and Blanche mentions something about little Richard. Rose says, "Little Richard was in the Bahamas?!?" And Dorothy replies, "Yes, Rose. They were burying Fats Domino." 

[ShadowSixx]

Rose: Thor, ever since you got here, you've been talking about things we did and things we said, and I don't remember any of it.

Thor: So you don't remember every little detail. At least, you remember what's important. You remember the kiss, our first kiss.

(Rose shakes her head)

Thor: Well, this doesn't make any sense. Rose, maybe you don't remember because you've suffered some brain damage.

(Blanche Laughing)

Rose: Thor, the one thing I do remember is that I only went out with you because of Charlie Nylund. I used you to make Charlie jealous. It was Charlie I loved, not you.

Thor: Oh, I feel so stupid, so incredibly stupid. Do you know what it's like to feel this stupid?

(Blanche Laughs. Rose pushes the kitchen door on Blanche)

Blanche: Ow.

[One Tough Cookie]

Dorothy has been dating  Beatle impersonater and he decided to leave the band and writes  a song about her. {Dot, Dot What a Girl I Got} She's all excited and says to her mom You know what makes me?  Sofia says Yoko Zbornak?  No ma I'm his  muse.  Cracks me up every time.

 

~small voice~  I guess you have to be  a certain age to get that one.........

s

Edited November 4, 2017 by One Tough Cookie

[Emma C]

Father Leahy: You look lovely this evening.

Dorothy: I look like the mother of a Solid Gold dancer.

[Snow Apple]

When Blanche's fear of flying and her recurring dream of the plane crashing:

Dorothy: Your dream's not coming true. You don't hear the voice of God.

Pilot: This is Captain Lord speaking.

[Marsupial]

Stan, breezing into the house:

You girls really shouldn't leave your doors unlocked. Any idiot could walk in.

Sophia: Any idiot just did.

[Marsupial]

It's always the right time for a St. Olaf story!

Rose: We had a lady like that in St. Olaf. We called her Mean Old Lady Hickenlooper.

Blanche: Kids can be so cruel.

Rose; No that was her name. Mean Old Lady Hickenlooper. She said everybody called her that, so she had it legally changed.

Blanche: Why isn't yours Big Dummy?

Rose; There were already three people with that name in town.

[BlancheDevoreaux]

There are so many quotes in The Break In that crack me up every time. Two that come to mind:
 

Blanche: Only surprise.  It wasn't hairspray.  It was mace.  You had mace! Your hairspray was mace! I maced myself right there in the police station! I almost died! I fell to the floor blinded and writhing in pain! Couldn't move for 20 minutes!

Rose: Well what do you know? It works!

Blanche: Works?! They thought I was on angel dust! They wanted to arrest me! I'm lying there dying and they're harassing me.  Murderers are free. Rapists are free. But a poor widow  on the floor they try to lock up! Who'd I hurt? ME!


Blanche: With George, whenever I'd hear a noise I'd wake him up and he'd take out his gun and then he had to find the bullets because I always hid the bullets and then once he found the bullets, we'd make love.

Sophia: Boy can you tell a story.

[babyhouseman]

11 hours ago, BlancheDevoreaux said:

There are so many quotes in The Break In that crack me up every time. Two that come to mind:
 

Blanche: Only surprise.  It wasn't hairspray.  It was mace.  You had mace! Your hairspray was mace! I maced myself right there in the police station! I almost died! I fell to the floor blinded and writhing in pain! Couldn't move for 20 minutes!

Rose: Well what do you know? It works!

Blanche: Works?! They thought I was on angel dust! They wanted to arrest me! I'm lying there dying and they're harassing me.  Murderers are free. Rapists are free. But a poor widow  on the floor they try to lock up! Who'd I hurt? ME!


Blanche: With George, whenever I'd hear a noise I'd wake him up and he'd take out his gun and then he had to find the bullets because I always hid the bullets and then once he found the bullets, we'd make love.

Sophia: Boy can you tell a story.

Blanche : [Enters covered in flour]  They got my jewels.

Dorothy : But I see they didn't get your cocaine.

Rose : Oh my God, Blanche has cocaine?

Blanche : This is flour! I hid my jewels in the flour!

Rose: [The robbers] were probably looking for drugs.
Dorothy: We have Maalox and estrogen. And how many junkies have gas and hot flashes?

[Bastet]

And, of course:

You shot my vase!
Well, I didn't shoot Lester.
I'd rather you shot him.
[Lester makes noises about leaving]
Oh, go on, you old fool.

The dramatic part of the episode is an epic fail for me, for the way Betty White plays it, but there sure are some hilarious sequences that make up for it.

[mmecorday]

Sophia fires on all cylinders in the episode about the jewel thieves next door (aka hunky young George Clooney guest stars as a rookie cop). I love it when Al scolds Sophia for opening her door before asking who was there and she says, "Fine." And slams the door on them. I also love that it doesn't occur to Rose that when the jewel thieves are talking about the noodlehead in the red dress she doesn't know they were talking about her.

[rubaco]

"If you don't mind, Al, I'd like to write that one down."

I can't remember what come-on line Blanche says before that, but I love that Bobby appreciates it enough to want to note it. Plus Clooney's delivery is so dry.