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Favorite Quotes: "What the hell goes on at night in this house?!"

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Blanche: I do love the rain so. It reminds me of my first kiss.
Dorothy: Ah, your first kiss was in the rain?
Blanche: No, it was in the shower.

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Reading the Small Talk thread reminded me how many great quotes there are.  Whenever I read them, I hear them in the girl's voices.  They are all just so memorable.  

Here's one that often pops in my head when someone greatly annoys me.  "I hate you! I hate you! I hate you! Drop dead!"  It's not even that funny, it just fits so many things.  And I always hear Blanche's voice with it.

I also like "Maybe I am just a mean old lady like the paperboy said."
and "Beat it, you 50 year old mattress!"

And so many more.

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I frequently want to respond to frustrating people with, "I hate you, I hate you, I hate you, drop dead!" and "Eat dirt and die, trash!"  Usually I can restrain myself, but it makes me feel better just to think it in a Southern accent.

"We're here collecting lingerie for needy sexy people."

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"Dorothy, Dorothy, Bo Borothy... Banana Fana, Fo Forothy..."

---Screeeechhhh of tires as Dorothy slams on the brakes---

"Get out, Rose!"

Edited by SunShine Gal
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"I bet you do undercover work". "And I bet he does it damn well".

"I'd rather you shot Lestah"!

"Look here, you withered old Sicilian gecko"...

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"Stan, you naughty boy.  When was the last time you were spanked?"

"Vegas!"

"How many miles does she have on her?"

"Go hug a landmine!"

"Can I ask a dumb question?"

"Better than anyone I know!"

Edited by bigskygirl
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Magda: My sister stab me in back once.
Blanche: What did you do?
Magda: I turn her in to Secret Police.
Blanche: And then what?
Magda: I turn her in to Secret Police! No more to tell!

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"Stan must have slip me something!" 

"Obviously!"

"Ma you're lying!"

"Dorothy, be positive!"

"Okay, I'm positive she is lying!"

"I had the dream where I am in bed with Warren Beatty, and he said this is sick even for him"!

Edited by bigskygirl

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"She's dead! She doesn't need that on her mantle! SHE'S on her mantel"!

"Hey, uh, Puh-fieffer, how'd you like a punch in your puh-face"?

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Rose: "She thinks we're dogs, doesn't she?"

Blanche: "It would be... un-southern."

Blanche: "I have too many earings."

Blanche: "Since when do you care about how you look?"

Dorothy: "Since I came down from the bell tower and had my HUMP fixed!!!"

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*Dorothy askes Sophia to turn up her electric blanket* 

"It's already on 9...on 10 you can cook a Lean Cuisine."  

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"Oh, THAT Great Herring War."

"You'll have to excuse my mother.  She suffered a slight stroke a few years ago which rendered her totally annoying."

"I'm jumpier than a virgin at a prison rodeo."

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"Well, I refuse to believe you have ever read a scientific journal!" / "Believe what you want! See if I care.  ...Hypersexual bitch."

"Oh, shut up! Just shut up you bubble-headed, bleach-blonde, b-, b-, b-" /  "Baboon." / "BABOON!"

"Oh God, here it comes! The honeysuckle mint julips, three-legged dogs, you and Opie and Floyd in the barbershop! Blanche, just get to the point!"

"Sophia, wills are no laughing matter. Charlie tried to be funny with his and left everything to Henrietta, our prize cow. Well, some lawyer got a hold of the will and represented Henrietta on contingency! There I was, presenting my side to a jury of her peers! It took over six months to get the farm back!" / "But you must have been relieved when you won." / "Oh, yeah, we celebrated. With a big, thick steak..." This whole episode just had me on the floor, really.

Probably a lot more that aren't coming immediately to mind.

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"They wanted to arrest me! I'm lyin' on the floor dyhan and they're harassin' me! Murderahs are free! Rapists ah free! But a poor widdah on the floor they try ta lock up"!

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Sophia to Blanche; "Beat it you 50-year old mattress" and then later

Blanche: "I going to go get in the bath with just enough water to cover my perky bosoms"

Sophia: "You're only gonna sit in an inch of water?"

And from the murder mystery episode: "But Blanche, they'll put you in a women's prison!"

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"Would you like to buy a flower"? "BEAT IT, CHROME DOME! And while you're at it, get a job! Get a suit! And get down on your knees and beg your mother's forgiveness"!

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"She could be in a coma. Put a man within five miles of her, she'd roll over and shave her legs." -Dorothy, talking about Blanche

***

(Dorothy and Sophia walk into the house dressed typical funeral garb)

Rose: Why are you both wearing black? Did you just come from a funeral?
Dorothy: No, Rose, we were singing back up for Johnny Cash.

***

Dorothy: I promise that I will say Hail Marys until Madonna has a hit movie.
 

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Sophia is trying to make small talk with her sister, Angela, whom she hasn't seen/spoken to in 30 years:

Sophia: So....still have that cat?

Angela: The same cat I had 30 years ago?!

***

Blanche: Oh, boy, I’d love to put some surprises in my will. Like leaving a small remembrance to each to the men who has brought some special joy or pleasure to my life.

Dorothy: Where would they read that will, Blanche? The Astrodome?

 

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"I'm nobody's little girl anymore".

I like that line, and when Dorothy says, "If she dies, I'll be an orphan" when they think Sophia is having a heart attack.  Losing parents may be the natural way of things, especially at their age, but it's also one of the most profound losses in life.  In both those scenes, the show clearly illustrated that.

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I will say that when Grandma died last fall, and I went to her funeral, I had to bite my tongue to keep from asking if Grandma needed anything for her mantle, or if she was going to be on her mantle.

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Dorothy: Floozy.

Blanche: Tramp.

Dorothy: I, I am a tramp? Blanche, have you heard the latest ad campaigns? "Join the Navy, see the world, sleep with Blanche Devereaux!" "Join the Army, be all you can be and sleep with Blanche Devereaux!" The Marines are looking for a few good men who have NOT slept with Blanche Devereaux!

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With Mickey Rooneys' death, I thought about his episode and this exchange between Sophia and Rose:

Rose: (Knocking on Sophia's door) Sophia?
Sophia: I'm not in. Wait for the beep and leave a message. Beep!
Rose: Hi, this is Rose...
Sophia: Rose, shut up and get in here!

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