S04.E03: Risky Business

[DEL901]

Omg.  So much to unpack.   Usman’s buddies can’t keep straight faces.   Big Ed is going to freak out when he realizes just how crazy the idea of 1000 thread count sheets are and that all his gifts have been sold since they weren’t suitable for how RoseMarie lives.  It probably didn’t occur to him that western plumbing was out of reach for someone living in poverty.  
 

Edited March 9, 2020 by DEL901

[Eme]

So Lisa didn’t bother to dye her hair before seeing her boyfriend who is 20 years younger?  What is wrong with her?  
Same for Ed who didn’t bother to either shave off the Grey beard or dye it.  Then he insists she be In Love with his lying a$s when she finds him way shorter and fatter than he’s represented himself. She’s out of his league looks-wise so he needs to lay low and see if his Sparkling Personality wins the day! 
 

Edited to add: Usman’s roommates Give Me Life!  Those Nigerian Wingmen are no joke!

Edited March 9, 2020 by Eme

[Callaphera]

The closed captioners deserve hazard pay for having to do that Lisa/Usman kissing scene. "Mmm. Mwah."

This week's 90 Day Fiancé: Before The 90 Days brought to you by all natural ginger Gravol. 

[Colfrmb2]

First of all I am actually impressed by the relationship between Darcy and her twin sister. There is sibling rivalry but they actually have compassion for each other and can have conversations which I didn’t see last season.

Usman’s roomies are hilarious.  Can I hug her - no! I laughed out loud.  They all live in one room, are you kidding me??

And Rosemarie, what a sad, sad living situation. Big Ed is worried that he Misrepresented himself and Rose is desperate to save herself and her son and probably eventually the rest of her family. Ed’s dog lives better than Rose’s entire family.  Bless them all.

[Adeejay]

“Despite the fact that she is not the kind of woman I am usually attracted to, she has the lady part and I have the guy part, so we will be grooving.”  Oh to be a fly on the wall when Lisa saw that.  

[Kiss my mutt]

I got irritated with Ed for not taking an “okay” about his looks from Rose. That’s about the most sincere compliment she can give and then he admits to lying about his height because he wanted her to like him. Don’t get butthurt when you have to open your wallet at the market, dude. You can’t be that naive. 

[Hangin Out]

On 3/7/2020 at 10:05 AM, Persnickety1 said:

Darcey furiously pounding on that treadmill as if her very life depended on it was EVERYTHING.  😂😂😂

She can exercise all she wants.  She has zero personality or smarts.  I’ve NEVER heard a decent conversation coming out of her mouth.

[Callaphera]

I love how the rest of the show is normal 90D stuff... and then there's Darcey, living out an 80's Judith Krantz melodramatic mini-series on ABC in her head. Never stop being you, Darcey. One day, your prince will come and leave and come and leave and come.

[Toodleoo]

On 3/7/2020 at 9:05 AM, Persnickety1 said:

Darcey furiously pounding on that treadmill as if her very life depended on it was EVERYTHING.  😂😂😂

I’ma need to get the address of the fortress that was holding her breasts in place, there was some serious engineering going on there.

[DEL901]

4 minutes ago, Toodleoo said:

I’ma need to get the address of the fortress that was holding her breasts in place, there was some serious engineering going on there.

It is probably assisted by the underlying silicone infrastructure.  

[humbleopinion]

46 minutes ago, Adeejay said:

Usman:  "We are going to see the most beautiful woman in the world."

Friend: To absolutely no one with any vision in either one or both eyes think nothing short of seeing her as a wrinkled old hag, even seeing eye dogs whine and led their masters far from Lisa  she is so frightening looking"To you."

Usman:  "Lisa physically is not what I expected.  She has more belly than I was expecting."

Santa Claus is jealous of Lisa’s Bowl full of Jelly.....
She can hold a small dog With no hands under her belly fat.

 

Some extra extras from the episode...

[Toodleoo]

Heeeey Rosie baby, do I look like what you thought I’d look like hmmmmmmmm?

[humbleopinion]

27 minutes ago, Callaphera said:

The closed captioners deserve hazard pay for having to do that Lisa/Usman kissing scene. "Mmm. Mwah."

This week's 90 Day Fiancé: Before The 90 Days brought to you by all natural ginger Gravol. 

The editors of the episode that had to watch it over and over to remove Lisa’s manhandling, groping, grasping, stroking Usman’s soon to be worn to a nub knob....

Barf bags for everyone....

Edited March 9, 2020 by humbleopinion

[Cammi]

Rosemarie’s demeanor is kinda... trashy. Sits like a real lady that one 🙄 Bet she was in the game. 

[sainte-chapelle]

Fucken Geoffrey, that dish looked delicious. Already aggressive and defensive when Varya asks about his kids. I hope she has a big brother that will meet him in his hotel room one night, because intimidation and violence  is all he seems to understand.

i spend nights in my late teens early 20s with guys añd gals in hotel rooms. I even shared a bed ...fully clothed...,with male friends.  They were lovely and we were all respectful and had a great time. I don't think there is anything wrong with sharing a hotel room with male friends but maybe I'm a slag 😂 

Edited March 9, 2020 by sainte-chapelle

[talktoomuch]

1 hour ago, lasandi said:

Wait, didn’t Lisa say he saw her naked body and we better believe he was turned on.  Wonder whose naked body he saw because if he’s just seeing her belly now, then what did she show him. Lol 

Gigantic ring light and mega filters

[nutella fitzgerald]

Angela 100% would have caught Friends Sojaboy unsuccessfully hiding their laughter and forced them to walk home.

Abuja Goofballs were absolutely the highlight of an otherwise unremarkable episode for me. Why was Lisa bitching about their presence? Not only are they completely hilarious (I can only paraphrase the “Can I hug Lisa?” “No.” “But I want to hug her.” “You can’t.” “Oooohhhh, Lisa!” exchange because I was laughing too hard to catch the exact words) but she wouldn’t have gotten to check all his teeth with her tongue if he’d had to drive them to the hotel.

[Spike]

Ed is totaling picturing Rose taking on five guys at once.  Five taller guys. 

[Gigi G3]

There was no chemistry between Varya and Geoffrey. They seemed like strangers. They were on different planets, as far as I'm concerned. In the car ride from the airport, he seemed eerily calm, like he was checked out of the situation, after seeing her and realizing they don't have a connection. I don't see this one working. He struck me as a whiny baby and she was having none of it. She seemed annoyed by him, and he was just gobsmacked at the lack of connection. 

Edited March 9, 2020 by Gigi G3

[mmecorday]

This is what Geoffrey thought was so disgusting: https://letthebakingbegin.com/layered-beet-salad-with-herring-shuba/

[Spike]

11 minutes ago, mmecorday said:

This is what Geoffrey thought was so disgusting: https://letthebakingbegin.com/layered-beet-salad-with-herring-shuba/

Yeah.  Didn’t she call it herring under fur coat?  I think Elena on Little Women LA served this to her friends as well.

Edited March 9, 2020 by Spike

[nutella fitzgerald]

15 minutes ago, mmecorday said:

This is what Geoffrey thought was so disgusting: https://letthebakingbegin.com/layered-beet-salad-with-herring-shuba/

Huh. Well. I can’t lie, I would eat the  lechon Jenny’s family made for Larry a million times before that.

[Ucross]

Since Varya seems reasonably successful and self-sufficient, I'm surprised it got this far with Geoffrey. She doesn't seem particularly interested in migrating to the US, and certainly not not desperate in the usual (understandably) economically-deprived way. She certainly should not be forced into sex with someone she just met -- ICK! I hope she disappears ASAP after fulfilling her TV deal. He'd have a hard time finding her with no Russian language skills. And ew, he's holding her hand IN HIS CROTCH!

Avery's ex, who picked up "baby girl" (urp, do we have to call children these names; doesn't the kid have an actual name) seems to have a car that has gone through a war zone so I'm guessing he's not rolling in cash. Let me guess...she will come home preggers. In all honesty, she may not know how pregnancy happens?

I kinda like Ed, but he is in for a big surprise! I hope if the arrangement is mutually acceptable, he can bring Rose to the states. There's something in it for both of them, and he seems a decent guy (not a Geoffrey).

Oh, Yolanda. It's good that her kids are all adult and theoretically not dependent on her. She'll get an interesting international experience in a place she at leasts speaks the language! As usual, the kids seem pretty darn great. One assumes she's already sent him dough and he's done with her, so I hope she doesn't actually follow through with buying a ticket.

And Usman...if he's sharing a bedroom with multiple guys, how on earth is he affording to pay for studio space? But I think this arrangement will benefit both of them...not to mention a major snarkolicious return for us VIEWERS! And this band of goofballs is indeed entertaining.

And if the trailers are any indication...God, please pull the plug on the Jazz series. This is something to resolve in private. Unless that kid is a phenomenal actor, this seems like a disturbing personal issue that should not be public, and probably not great PR for the trans community either. 

 

[IvySpice]

Sure, I want to try distinctive Russian dishes...as long as they’re what I want to eat! I have no use for people who travel and then are grossed out by the local food. Oh yeah, he’s so adventurous. He’s not going to have any patience with Varya if she makes it to Knoxville and acts disgusted by grits. (Not that she would. She clearly wants to explore.)

[RealReality]

1 hour ago, sainte-chapelle said:

Fucken Geoffrey, that dish looked delicious. Already aggressive and defensive when Varya asks about his kids. I hope she has a big brother that will meet him in his hotel room one night, because intimidation and violence  is all he seems to understand.

i spend nights in my late teens early 20s with guys añd gals in hotel rooms. I even shared a bed ...fully clothed...,with male friends.  They were lovely and we were all respectful and had a great time. I don't think there is anything wrong with sharing a hotel room with male friends but maybe I'm a slag 😂 

I was just grossed out by his defensive non-answers.  He doesn't want to talk about his past

Spoiler

Because he might end up in jail for it!

 

23 minutes ago, IvySpice said:

Sure, I want to try distinctive Russian dishes...as long as they’re what I want to eat! I have no use for people who travel and then are grossed out by the local food. Oh yeah, he’s so adventurous. He’s not going to have any patience with Varya if she makes it to Knoxville and acts disgusted by grits. (Not that she would. She clearly wants to explore.)

It's was exactly that arrogance that makes people around the world have a distaste for us.  

It's can't just be "oh well, it wasn't for me" it had to be "who would even put that together and call it food?"

MF'er, I promise you it's better than what you were eating in prison and creative protein game going on in the backwoods of TN.  

[Frozendiva]

Geoffrey and Varya - she is so not in to him. Or super shrewd and cautious and not falling for his BS. I don't like food surprises as I have allergies and intolerances. That fancy herring and beet dish would not work for me. I would take him to his hotel and spend the night at a friend's. Until I was more sure of him. Maybe her Spidey Senses were tingling.

Stephanie and Erika - how does one make a lot of money on social media? Lots of kids are considered 'weird'. These days with a lot of ESL, she wouldn't have really stood out much. Her mom and family must have some idea that she may be bisexual or if she is experimenting or whatever it is. It really isn't any of mom's business that she goes on a trip to meet a friend. People do it all the time. Australia may be very eye opening for her or she will come back rather disappointed.

Avery and Ash - more cute dogs! Is Ash paying for any of this trip - i.e. some of the plane ticket or hotel accommodation for her? He's a 'relationship coach'? With mostly female clients? Sounds like an easy way to get women and not really have to do anything. Would love to see his florist bill.

Big Ed and Rosemarie - welcome to a developing country, Ed, with heat and mosquitoes/insects and not so great sanitation. Rosemarie wasn't going to find you when you were hiding in the plant. You are in for a major culture shock when you see your nice little life in San Diego is a luxury for her. You will not like sleeping on the floor with no mattress, no nice sheets covering your sensitive skin, having to do laundry outdoors, using a large pail/barrel for your morning shower. Hope you have a phone and your travel agent or some other person on speed dial to make a reservation for you. Nope, you are not quite what she expected or would be normally attracted to her. She would make do for you and maybe get you on the road to some healthier meals. Maybe you will see the poverty and make a better life for her because you genuinely do have some affection for her and not just importing an impoverished wife and be her savior.

Lisa and Usman - Lisa, Usman is not rich and famous and does not have a mansion - he is not some major A list type person. If he was well known and can draw an audience, he would be signed to various international versions of his record label and would be doing the festival circuit in summer and doing some performances and touring. You are insecure about yourself and how you fit in to his world - you don't. Jealous of any female fan? Seriously? They buy the music and maybe would be better for him. You will need help from a stylist and maybe some manners coach. Usman lives with his buddies and one appears to be the house husband - also named Usman. His accommodation is not what you like or want and he probably cannot afford to fund your three week stay at a nice hotel. You will see the basic accommodation. The PDA was gross with you and no one wants to watch the tongue and smacking. Not his friends. There are women in their 50s who do maintain themselves better - good hair, nice makeup, decent skincare, no 5 pack a day habit. Right now, he is barely attracted to you - you misrepresented yourself to him, used a lot of filters, editing on your photos. I am a little older than you and look a decade or more younger. And not as ugly on the outside or inside - not crass, not disrespectful, etc.

Yolanda and Williams or whatever he is called now - go to England, have a nice trip. Introverts can travel too. Maybe you didn't have the opportunity to go anywhere in the past, but now that your kids are grown, you can explore things in life. How convenient that the catfish you think you have got a new name. This whole story just smells.

[monagatuna]

3 hours ago, bravofan27 said:

Stephanie is SO PRETTY. I love her hair and face and everything. It's really hard to be a lesbian-- BUT, I do think she's on the show because her agent told her too. It's real, but strategic, to get camera time and promote herself.

 

Shes bi. It's a different kind of difficult. (I assume, I'm not lesbian.)

I wanted to like her--finally, a member of our tribe on this horrible show! We're not all calm and comfortable and happy and functional and making good decisions! But she's SO tiresome. I spent about 30 seconds on her youtube channel and was bored out of my mind. She is just in it for the attention, and her GF is a manic pixie dream girl if I've ever seen one.

[HunterHunted]

33 minutes ago, IvySpice said:

Sure, I want to try distinctive Russian dishes...as long as they’re what I want to eat! I have no use for people who travel and then are grossed out by the local food. Oh yeah, he’s so adventurous. He’s not going to have any patience with Varya if she makes it to Knoxville and acts disgusted by grits. (Not that she would. She clearly wants to explore.)

Geoffrey is about as open and adventurous as his 90 Day Fiance: Before the 90 Days doppelganger, Paul. Geoffrey is also just as controlling and defensive about his sexual wants, past, and bullshit as Paul was/is.

[Frozendiva]

3 hours ago, Eme said:

So Lisa didn’t bother to dye her hair before seeing her boyfriend who is 20 years younger?  What is wrong with her?  
Same for Ed who didn’t bother to either shave off the Grey beard or dye it.  Then he insists she be In Love with his lying a$s when she finds him way shorter and fatter than he’s represented himself. She’s out of his league looks-wise so he needs to lay low and see if his Sparkling Personality wins the day! 
 

Edited to add: Usman’s roommates Give Me Life!  Those Nigerian Wingmen are no joke!

I would have touched up my roots and bought a flatiron to get rid of the fried curly look. Maybe invested in some skincare and a facial.

Big Ed, get some Just for Men Beard colour and make himself look a bit younger and more interesting. Also cut that hair and get a style.

No one is really out of anyone's league looks-wise. Beauty is only skin deep - it gets you the same five minutes and maybe a couple of more before the person sees who you are on the inside.

[TrininisaScorp]

The Abaju roomies/goofballs made us howl in our house.  When Lisa arrived and Usman took 1 look, I asked my husband a question:  Is the American dream worth this trauma?

RoseMarie's place broke my heart.  I hope Ed and her have some real good intentions, b/c I want the little boy to have a better life.  Ed is in for a real awakening.  I'm from a 3rd world country, but I was on the front side of that.  When I was little, we would multiple times a year go deliver and serve food and bring supplies to some of the less privileged areas.  Little kids like me with barely anything to their name...it was jarring, but my parents wanted me to learn a lesson about if you have, you have to be grateful, work hard, and help those without your advantages. 

Avery and Ash seem physically well matched to me, but she makes terrible decision about men and homeboy is a player who isn't remotely ready to hang it up. Ash is def model hot, but the second he started talking, I clocked him for the fuckboi he clearly is (at 38!).  You know he'll cheat, and when he does the excuse will be something along the lines of "Oh baby, our souls are still one.  Those girls, they were a test.  They mean nothing".  Fuck outta here with that shit, man. Avery is going to regret this mess.

Varya seems like a cool chick. Way too cool and confident for Swole Pole.  He always looks barely not enraged, and I totally agree that the mask slipped when she told him she wouldn't be staying with him.  Like Anfisa from back in the day, I appreciate that at no point is Varya lying:  She wants to get to America and he may be her ticket.  I also call total bullshit for Geoff not even telling Varya he has any kids.  He didn't have to go into detail, but, damn, mention them!

I was excited for the representation of a LGBTQ couple, but they couldn't get anyone more exciting than boring ass Stephanie?!  30 seconds in and I got bored.  Her gf in Australia seems like way too much.  Stephanie is very pretty, though.  Striking, even. 

Yolanda, girl...chile...NAH.   This isn't going to happen. Do we even think she is going to meet the catfish at this point?!  

[alotmorestupider]

The awkwardness between Geoffrey and Varya was physically painful to watch. My face was scrunched up like the time I watched my toddler put a mud-covered rock on his eye. For a semi-attractive middle aged man, Geoffrey is WEIRD. I get that first meetings can be a bit awkward but how can you not have something to talk about? How about “my flight was ___ and this happened on it” or “are there restaurants close to your apartment you’d recommend” or “I’m hoping to see ___ before I go”. He’s in a brand new country for the first time and tells her she has lipstick on her teeth. He wants to try traditional Russian food but only stuff he’d like to eat. Okay, buddy. I think that herring thing actually looked pretty good. He’s starting to creep me out. I can’t believe you can call someone your girlfriend but you have never discussed where you’d both stay when you visit or who cooks in your home. Does anyone else think Varya looks cross-eyed? 
 

Aww Yolanda and her ramblings. I almost felt bad for her but then she said “I was trying to build a life with this man” and called him yet again and I just wanted to slap her. Really, lady? You can’t think of ONE reasonable explanation for a disappearing IG account and a Manchester man who doesn’t know the name of the Manchester airport? 
 

Stephanie’s storyline is soooo, so boring. I’m sure she’ll gain a few thousand more YouTube followers from this, so good for her. The whole bisexual thing seems so overblown, especially the fake tears at the tennis court about how close she is with her mom. Mom is worried you’ll touch the wrong door handle and die on your trip. I don’t think she minds so much who you date. 
 

Ash has a nice apartment and drives an Audi. How much is he charging for these coaching sessions?! His crazy eyes are a off-putting but he seems pretty decent if a little slick with the ladies. 

HOW are these ancient ladies like Lisa and Angela feeling so attractive for these 30 year old men? I’m 33 and feel old and frumpy after a day of work. I cannot even imagine wanting to do the deed after 15 hours of travel and looking like...that. And omfg the kissing. Are men really able to get erections for women they’re not attracted to? I can’t even get in the mood when my husband belches in the bedroom. 

[magemaud]

1 hour ago, alotmorestupider said:

Ash has a nice apartment and drives an Audi. How much is he charging for these coaching sessions?! His crazy eyes are a off-putting but he seems pretty decent if a little slick with the ladies

Was my closed captioning correct that the client he was working with was also named Avery? Could he specialize in Averys? 

[MajorNelson]

15 hours ago, LennieBriscoe said:

Why would anyone watch Bi-Girl singing a dumb song in a mediocre voice? 🙄

 

Well I checked her channel out, she has 351K subscribers, and few videos, thankfully, are of her singing.  Mostly she seems to talk about body parts and sex, and nearly every video highlights her breasts,    Also she has videos where she goes through her shower routine and also her pooping routine.

Edited March 9, 2020 by MajorNelson

[InternetToughGuy]

Between spending 6 evenings a week watching other men have sex with women and spending the other evening writing about it, I have finally realized how pathetic my life is. I'd say at least I don't donate money to webcam models, but we'll have to see if I can resist when I get my inheritance.

I always pray to the God I repeatedly called nonexistent in edgy Facebook statuses from when I was 14 that I will be able to come up with another long post, but nothing is guaranteed, since it is dependent on how embarrassing and worthy of laughing at the people on this show are. The asterisks in my post are to separate the couple/person being talked about, as well as to denote when I filled up my swear jar. Hopefully the paragraphs are broken up enough, because this post is super long.

****

My God that Russian weather looks depressing - I'm sure even Geoffrey getting news of a dying family member would "lift his spirits", which he would also do if this relationship not working out drives him to alcoholism. The awkward atmosphere of needing to break the ice only reinforces how cold Moscow is year round.

I don't know how untalkative and distant girls usually are when they have giant TV cameras pointed in their faces, but then again the kind of "entertainment" I watch where that happens is the kind that would greatly disappoint their Fathers if the videos were discovered, so being standoffish is to be expected.

Geoffrey's talk of nature is just trying to remind himself that a season other than eternal winter still exists. Damn this smalltalk is embarrassing; at least I am so unaware of social cues, I would've already whipped it out upon entering the car, even if only Geoffrey was in it. Knowing that the girl (whose name I'm already forgetting, since I tend to assign women names based on cup size alone) already needs to ditch Geoffrey to have an unfiltered shit flinging about him speaks volumes about how this is going to work out.

****

God damn, that close up of Lisa makes me glad that I have chopped up nausea pills beside me to snort whenever she's on camera. That face would make a seasoned plumber stumble in a drunken stupor. In Africa and Asia, do they have any traffic rules besides horn honking in seeming morse code patterns?

SojaBoy taking his shirt off to reveal that he's in decent shape and isn't covered in disgusting back sores like myself makes me seethe in rage - the only thing keeping me from throwing the TV across the room in a tantrum is due to my extremely emasicated muscle tone.

Anyone who knows rappers knows that they're on drugs nearly 24/7; there's no way he has had a sober look at Lisa, but when he does, I hope Snoop Dogg can hook him up with a pound of stomach soothing marijuana. Do these guys know how to speak English or have they only rehearsed enough to have this exact conversation?

If you want to add some extra letters, it's no error that her name backwards is "ass ill", which he must've seen, since even entertaining wanting her indicates his thinking is backwards to begin with. I get why Lisa would be jealous of any love emojis, but my ex girlfriend broke up with me out of jealousy when I sent a selfie to my female relative - my severe birth defect of having hearts where my eyes are made my emotions look much more sinister than I intended.

****

A girl singing a song about pizza - Christ, I swear this is the only sense of "humor" they have. As someone who is deeply interested in the human anatomy, I do have to thank them for helping me discover my brain's laughing reflexes are connected directly to my dong, since I laugh at anything they say from ages 18-30 and can't muster a chuckle past that.

Also anyone calling YouTube videos "content" like they're speaking in sophisticated media terms that the common folk can't understand - oh shut up! I will have to study that footage of her on the toilet, though. She is evidently not any different from any other basic bitch who makes videos; their audience always consists of girls like her and men who need to itch themselves for 5-10 minute intervals. YOU. ARE. NOT. DIFFERENT.

Why does everybody speak of immigration like "I just moved here and it was that easy"; from what I've seen when looking into it, it looks ridiculously complicated (and yes, I have deliberately omitted the parts of countries wanting people with good careers and not worthless bums like me). That "woman" looks like a fully grown baby that was donated to an art class for everybody to slather in paint.

I'm hoping most of the women here are too old to really relate to the dumb photo captions, etc. but this girl (who has a goddamn pizza shirt on...ugh) also has a cookie cutter sense of humor. I know I'm in the extreme minority of people who actually "care" about contributing material in every situation, which is why I find people repeating the same things over and over to be annoying.

I didn't catch the name of that fat and bald guy - that isn't a girl is it? At least that would be the most progressive thing I've seen in a while. I hope there is no pathetic simp who would consider this 29 year old ho a trophy worth sharing his doctoral salary with. The frickin tears - as someone who has watched hundreds of sob story sympathy acts on America's Got Talent, I have zero tolerance, although my willingness to console depends on gender, age, and hottiness.

****

That dude with the kettleball looks like my Dad trying to toss me out of the house - after he robotically told me for the 50th time "get a job" like a pissed off pullstring doll, I scurried under the bed like a cat when the vacuum gets turned on.

Tom looks different in every shot; it's possible his face starts melting any time he has to look directly at Darcey, despite Tom having the rock solid alibi of the time difference being the reason for him looking tired and irritable. I wouldn't call the girl with Tom "another woman", more like "a non wax statue".

I guess Darcey getting such gigantic plastic knockers was a way of literally guarding her heart, assuming all the botox and lip fillers aren't damaging it from the inside. With such prominent knockers that you'd usually refer to as "the twins" on top of their owner being a twin, it makes one question if sleeping with both of them counts as a threeway or something more. I'm a twin myself and I've considered telling him to watch this show so he can also post about it, since we compete for the funnier post for America's Got Talent, but I like watching it by myself, so I don't know.

****

I wonder if the pilot pitied Ed enough to land the plane as the sun was coming up, since you are at your tallest first thing in the morning. "I know I'm not attractive" has gotta be the sexiest thing I've ever heard a man say; I'm not even gay and I've torn my button up shirt open which wafted a big gust of Dior perfume around my room.

If I could ever bed Rose, I wish she would let me call her Mommy, which would suggest she had me when she was -3. How is their house supposed to be squalor? It looks more than what the majority of Vancouver or Toronto residents could afford (Americans won't get it, but people are willing to pay through the roof for tiny dilapidated shitheap houses).

It's probably a good idea that Ed tries to raise her son, since at least he will be big enough to forcibly evict Ed by the time he turns 8. I guess Rose is really conscious of time's passing, which is why she wants Ed to give her a baby; after all, any baby containing Ed's DNA will have almost finished growing when born, thus shaving many years off of the project.

Damn; can you imagine a woman only liking you because you have money? With a deadbeat, 2 digit bank account, midget looking ass like me, you know a woman's intentions couldn't be anything other than pure, unless they want to bust a gut laughing at me having to get a running start to vault myself into the driver's seat of my car, despite it only being 18 inches off the ground.

With their names initialized together being E.R., it's a sure sign that this relationship is already flatlined before it has begun. Expecting a "big" family with Ed is surely her misspeaking. Having stopped growing since before Y2K myself, I know all the low blows about height to go for, so I'm never bothered by anyone saying anything, especially since I am at the beautiful size where anyone commenting on it is equivalent to bullying a handicapped kid.

****

Avery is such a sexy woman; if she reveals all her tattoos are temporary, I'd probably leap to my knee with a boxed ring in front of my television. "Can you say rue rue?" sounds like she is at least self aware that she will regret this relationship. I hope nobody will think any less of me that I use Ash's "I love you babe" message as my ringtone - these nights get lonely.

Looking at the toys in Avery's apartment, that's one smart baby, since I do my income taxes on that plastic cash register. Then again, all of my cashflow equates to near zero, so there isn't a whole lot of work to do. "It's OK, baby girl" - uhh, could you say that again, but closer to my professional grade microphone? Thank goodness we live in times where it's nearly illegal to not address me according to my delusions.

I managed to convince myself that Avery was talking to me before she said "Wow, that's big" - even with a clip of arousal medications draped around my waist that make it sound like I'm a maraca wielding mariachi man when I walk, it's as small and limp as a pea pod. I'm going to be outraged if I am not credited for that camera footage of the quick zoom in on her ass.

****

If Varya's not going to stay with him, he may be referring to the building as a "Ho tell", as in letting her have it as to her bitchy behavior, though I cannot put myself in the shoes of a woman, as the ideas of strange muscular man coming onto me sounds like something out of a horror movie, especially knowing that me trying to punch my way out of the situation would be like throwing 2 wet spaghetti noodles at his head.

My God this small talk is excruciating. I'm going to have to play back Geoffrey saying "I'm intimidated by you" so I can throw around my 5 pound dumbbells with a little more confidence. I know my relationship experience is minimal, but certainly the appropriate response in this situation is for Geoffrey to smash everything in the room when she doesn't obey his every command? Can someone let me know if that's right?

I get what Varya's saying about the online/offline dichotomy, as when on the internet, I come off as an aggressive prison warden when barking my criticisms of everyone and everything who don't conform their entire lives to my ideals, which is in stark contrast to me timidly mumbling offers of shining people's shoes to avoid an asskicking. I'm only halfway done the episode, Christ 😫

****

The name Williams is so retarded, you'd naturally overlook the short form of "Will" is written proof that he is deceased. Isn't 300 pounds considered rather trim for Americans these days? I'd imagine Canadians aren't much better, but since the weather is so depressing for 9 months of the year, there's almost nobody outside anyways.

It's a bold move for Yolanda to just outright ask "baby??" when she is 50 years old and likely infertile. Doesn't her big family already prove that a baby can't save a relationship? The day and age of being able to send infinite text messages is nice, but nothing can compare to a girl getting creeped out by my increasingly depressive and needy voice clogging up the tape on her answering machine - the feeling of a police officer at my door physically handing me the restraining order is an emotion that most youth won't ever get to experience, which I pity.

Yolanda is straight up stupid if she's never Facetimed him or anything, if she's just solely relying on Instagram photos. For real, when it comes to the odd one woman a year who messages me on YouTube to flatter my humor or whatever, when they don't have a photo and won't give one, it's a telltale sign that they are gross, so I block them and am scared for weeks that they'll angrily track me down.

A few years ago there was one woman who was I think 33 and looked 60, unless interpreting her as that old was my brain's way of converting the sight of someone so ugly into a more understandable language who after messaging her for like an hour was talking about plans of me coming to Minnesota to help raise her son. She was obviously completely insane. Anyways, back to hating on others. How ironic Williams keeps dropping out mid conversation when Yolanda is the one with the relationship hangups.

****

A grown woman treating her dogs like children is a sure sign of mental imbalance, though me doing the same to my stuffed animals is cause for immediate placement in an asylum. What does being eastern European have do with bringing food? I blame all my personality quirks on my parents like a normal person.

I can relate to her having bone problems, though I was referred to the urologist for mine. Any man would boast "splitting a woman in two" as a testament to his sexual prowess, though in her case it may be a literal occurrence, which is possibly why she's playing for the team that doesn't possess such a blunt instrument.

I get hounded for blood tests everyday, since people commonly greet me with "prick" when I walk past. This carefully scripted conversation is really tense; you can really feel the Dad's authentic emotion, especially with the giant camera in his face. Her parents can always watch this episode if they want to know her orientation, assuming she hasn't uploaded a YouTube video with a teary faced thumbnail, as if the video wouldn't receive 99.9% approval and a barrage of asskissing.

****

The average Nigerian IQ being 84 is the only reason I can think of for why Usman could have any interest in her, unless he thinks this is his only opportunity to break into the U.S. music market with this TV appearance, despite all street cred being destroyed, since if these are the kinds of women he gets, his rap boasts should be more along the lines of how they leave him alone.

Unless I heard what he just said wrong, I thought his name was Usman? His Mother must've made contact with a very intelligent celestial body if she had the foresight to name her son a rap appropriate stage name. Thank God we don't live in the future era of taste-able television, as those close ups of Lisa make me emit loud demon dog noises.

I hope his instructions for being able to find him were more detailed than "I'm the black guy", though I guess the diamond watch separates him from the crowd. Since women's body fat accumulates around their hips and ass (at least from what I've seen when eating cake in front of the aerobics class window), a woman being fat around her abdomen shows true commitment to letting oneself go.

"Her heart is beautiful" - judging by her size, I'm sure any cardiologist would just shake his head in pity. How tall does someone in Africa have to be to be called Giant? I'd assume I could at least go to the Philippines without being laughed at. Damn, with SojaBoy licking Lisa, I'm surprised the back end of the car isn't completely weighted down with his iron stomach.

****

I don't believe Avery requires someone with a rich intellect and an eloquent way of expressing himself, so looking at Ash gives me a goal of putting on 50 pounds of muscle and sitting in a tanning bed until it looks like English is my second language.

"The man that's weighting for me" - I thought getting in shape for women was pathetic, but her acknowledging it with a straight face has reignited my commitment to doing pushups until I shart myself.

Is the didgeridoo music really required for us to know this is Australia? I'd think showing a $10 Big Mac would've been equally useful. "I'm a very spiritual person" - uh oh, keep away. Usually it's women in tank tops talking about the present moment or guys in long disgusting dreadlocks sipping from a straw poking out of a coconut, but all these people are seriously annoying.

It's odd how despite apparently being a spirit, punching their physical head would bring more satisfaction than several hours of meditating. A relationship coach sounds like the biggest scam going, especially since a true connection wouldn't require you to spout one liners and the sort. How hypocritical for him to use a device with wifi for his work if he believes we are "wired" to want "connection".

The long distance would be tough to deal with, but Avery is such a knockout, I'd be willing to take it on the chin for her, no boxers - count the entendres in that sentence. I think him getting Avery flowers is more symbolic of their relationship lasting a week before being thrown in the garbage - I think I used that one for the last episode, but for Rose.

It's hard to really call that an insult, since I would love to drag every piece of rubbish from Rose and Avery's garbage cans under my nose and let out a perverted high pitched giggle. You have to wonder if that shop owner is a true friend or just wants to "petal" his product.

****

Even with the awkwardness and all that aside, Geoffrey's relationship is so boring to watch and comment on - one can only shit on Russian weather so much before I start to view my Pacific Northwest weather in a positive way, which I don't want to do.

"Is that white stuff mayonnaise?", damn Geoffrey's dry spell must have been decades long, as I didn't even ask such stupid things when in sex ed 15+ years ago. Dating single Mothers must have been predestined for me, since my palette is equivalent to that of a small child - if it's not covered in a deep fried batter or written on a menu with a clown on it, I'm likely to cross my arms in a huff and stare at it, which looks very weird when someone covered in facial hair is that adamant about trying something new, thus indicating a profound mental retardation. 

****

Thank God (whose existence I will furiously debate until blue in the face in this comment section) the show goes back to Ed and Rose, since they're probably the most entertaining couple, with their respectively amusing traits being Ed's self deprecation and over eagerness towards relationships and Rose's......sexiness.

Never mind, I got the destitute landscapes mixed up, this is Lisa's segment with Usman, which is apparently his name now - was he referring to himself in third person before? Damn this scene is grossing me out. I don't know if anyone here is familiar with Pokemon, but in the video games, getting licked by anything that old gets you paralyzed - Williams had the right idea, since he's the type to ghost.

Usman needs to take a before and after photo of those 3 weeks; poor guy is probably going to age 20 years from osmosis, not to mention possibly developing an intervention-worthy Gravol addiction.

His friends discussing proper kissing etiquette is interesting to me, as the only kind I am familiar with is plunking down the hundred dollar bill and going at it as many times as I can before the hour is up. I don't know how Lisa's suitcases can be so heavy when everything needed to make her look pretty is contained in a bottle of absinthe.

Since Nigeria uses the metric system, his willingness to "go the extra mile" only further proves his desire to become American. His gentle way of saying he's not attracted to Lisa proves that he is not too far gone; I think the best thing he could hope for is quickly pounding her into a coma and then disappearing into the night (but not before becoming violently ill). Perhaps after his experiences, he can lend his expertise into creating the next Saw movie.

****

After a long wait, finally back to Ed. If these last few minutes shows Rose's tight bod, I can go to bed creepily satisfied. Is it worse to self insert as someone as short and fat as Ed or to pretend I'm an Asian girl? Since I like Kpop, at least I've done the latter several times, despite it ending in loud cries of despair.

Damn, I've never been called "big but short", since if my desperate need for Chinese limb lengthening surgery isn't pointed out, people usually take pictures with the walking corpse. It's nice watching Ed embarrass himself, since it makes it way easier to imagine she'd find me sexy in comparison, even if her jumping into my brittle bitch arms would likely mean shattering them into a thousand pieces, I think I'd still be preferred.

Ed's lack of jawline looks like he's constantly cocked his head backwards in fear like an ostrich. Ahh, a woman's past is the thing I love to mention a few dozen times in every conversation, especially with a beet red face and judgmental tone of voice.

***

I know this show has to stretch out as much as possible, but how the majority of the couples haven't met yet is annoying, though I do look forward to seeing which cardboard cutout will be at the airport to greet Yolanda.

The more dishonest Usman is with Lisa, the more I like him, as I know a marriage to her would likely shave off decades of his lifespan, as well as developing possibly permanent indigestion.

Wow, a new guy who has spent over $100,000 on what appears to be a picture of a girl - with my effeminate proportions, I need to throw on a wig and take some guy to the cleaners for that much money so I'm up $25,000 (I'm $75,000 in the hole after being conned by a Japanese girl....oh Haruhi, how could you lie?).

Women complaining about lack of relationships inspires as much sympathy as the alleged woes of a tall man (tall meaning anything above 5'9). Damn, Darcey was in today's episode for like 2 minutes; her relationship seems boring as hell.

With Ed's willingness to give Rose all his money, it reinforces his lack of a backbone, which is yet another double entendre about his height - finding anyone shorter than me is rare, so I will play it for all it's worth. Good episode, but I've been typing for over 3 hours, so I indirectly hate the show.

Edited March 9, 2020 by InternetToughGuy
So much rephrasing, since despite the entire thing being a joke, I still imagine someone interpreting some little thing as me being serious and getting offended.

[RealReality]

4 hours ago, TrininisaScorp said:

 

 

 

 

Yolanda, girl...chile...NAH.   This isn't going to happen. Do we even think she is going to meet the catfish at this point?!  

What a blow we must prepare to be dealt!

The best part of the catfish is the reveal.  That storyline will be hot garbage and will end with the whimper if Yolanda just boringly comes to her senses.  Since when has that been a part of this show?

[Mu Shu]

On 3/5/2020 at 6:28 PM, Spike said:

Well it is an upgrade from Siberia. Also that town she is in an hour from Moscow may not be that big.

The weather alone would be worth the move. She better be able to make some rubles if she wants big city living in the US. It ain’t cheap. They’re all sophisticated until they get here and turn out to be rubes. Though she is more intelligent than the Paos of the world.

[humbleopinion]

8 hours ago, talktoomuch said:

Gigantic ring light and mega filters

The light of a thousand suns and the filtration powers by the best camera experts in Hollywood can’t help make online Lisa look anything that what she is...a rough looking and tough acting woman head over heels in love with her online rapper fiancé.

Usman is a charming and jovial cast member who is guilty of nothing more than looking beyond his one bedroom hovel shared with multiple buddies to a life in America funded by his fiancé.

Usman Two, Giant and the others will make a fine Greek chorus, not as mean spirited as Michael’s friends and Angie’s tormentors.

Enhancing the sounds of Lisa feeding on  kissing her soul mate was more sickening than the visuals....as if that  was possible....

 

 

 

[Gobi]

8 hours ago, nutella fitzgerald said:

Huh. Well. I can’t lie, I would eat the  lechon Jenny’s family made for Larry a million times before that.

Lechon is delicious! Anthony Bourdain said it was the best roast pork he had ever had.

[humbleopinion]

Vegetarians and other non meat eaters aside...if you are a meat eater and have ever had the rare opportunity to partake in a meal of open pit roasted lechon and not be in hog heaven, pun intended, then we will never be friends.

Lechon is a cultural treasure as elevated by Uncle Tony Bourdain.

Me and Gobi will be fighting over the crispy crackling skin.....

[ava111]

9 hours ago, Colfrmb2 said:

First of all I am actually impressed by the relationship between Darcy and her twin sister. There is sibling rivalry but they actually have compassion for each other and can have conversations which I didn’t see last season.

What??? I saw them have conversation but there was no compassion whatsoever. Only Stacey pushing buttons.

[humbleopinion]

Varya is a smart cookie who is using Geoffrey from Podunk, USA(in Varya’s mind she sees it far removed from the energies of a big city like NYC or LA..Knoxville is a great place to visit if you ever get the chance) to showcase her personality to parlay into furthering her broadcasting career, her social media platforms, blah blah blah.

What she is not....a woman in love.

Edited March 9, 2020 by humbleopinion

[nr65000]

On 3/7/2020 at 6:41 PM, RealReality said:

Example - "I love you, Lisa" "I love you, Nancy" "I love you, Patricia"

Leave me out of this....

Nancy.

[RealReality]

5 minutes ago, nr65000 said:

Leave me out of this....

Nancy.

I will pray for you.  😂🤣😂🤣

Edited March 9, 2020 by RealReality

[FurBabyMama]

So I’m russian and the herring under a fur coat (that’s literally what it translates into) is really good. It’s a dish that we normally only have on holidays because it’s rather time consuming to make. Not hard just time consuming. And us russians love our mayo and sour cream. But if you’re not used to it, I guess you may not like it. My son was crying when they had their first meeting so I maybe missed something but why were they already talking about how things were awkward between them on the first day? Course it’s going to be awkward! Really creepy vibes. 
 

big Ed... I feel bad laughing at him but when I saw him running in the airport wearing baggy shorts and his compression socks... he looks like sponge bob. Very boxy upper body and thin little legs. And why not just wear pants if you’re wearing compression socks up past your knee? And dude couldn’t shave or brush his “long sexy hair” before meeting the love of his life? 
 

snd my other question for this show... does no one get jet lag? Flying to the other side of the world, i would be exhausted and honestly I probably wouldn’t want my true love meeting me for the first time at the airport. I want to get to a hotel, take a nap and shower so I won’t be a complete beeyotch meeting someone. But maybe I’m just old. 

[RealReality]

12 minutes ago, FurBabyMama said:

So I’m russian and the herring under a fur coat (that’s literally what it translates into) is really good. It’s a dish that we normally only have on holidays because it’s rather time consuming to make. Not hard just time consuming. And us russians love our mayo and sour cream. But if you’re not used to it, I guess you may not like it. My son was crying when they had their first meeting so I maybe missed something but why were they already talking about how things were awkward between them on the first day? Course it’s going to be awkward! Really creepy vibes. 
 

big Ed... I feel bad laughing at him but when I saw him running in the airport wearing baggy shorts and his compression socks... he looks like sponge bob. Very boxy upper body and thin little legs. And why not just wear pants if you’re wearing compression socks up past your knee? And dude couldn’t shave or brush his “long sexy hair” before meeting the love of his life? 
 

snd my other question for this show... does no one get jet lag? Flying to the other side of the world, i would be exhausted and honestly I probably wouldn’t want my true love meeting me for the first time at the airport. I want to get to a hotel, take a nap and shower so I won’t be a complete beeyotch meeting someone. But maybe I’m just old. 

I agree, I just spent like $1000 on a plane ticket to see my true love, but I don't wanna spring for an uber to the hotel?  

All of these people KNOW they are stale after a long flight which leads to birdbaths and Angel perfumigations in the airport bathroom. 

Go to the hotel, shower, nap and meet up for dinner when you can look your best.....this is DOUBLY true if you've been fudging your appearance with filers and light rings.....you're gonna need all the help you can get when you finally meet in person.  

I never care which way the plane is going and I'll never understand why, but I'm beat after a long flight.  When I travelled for work, I always flew in the night or day before a conference or meeting.  

That the Russian dish isn't to the American taste is fine.  If I'm searching my heart, I don't understand how anyone puts liver and onions on a plate and calls it food.  But I'm not going to say that on national TV.  In fact, I probably have no place shittalking anyone's cusine since we eat hot dogs, which are delicious but technically disgusting. 

 

[ava111]

I'm surprised Usman is not happy with Lisa's figure. Isn't being fat sign of wealth in Africa? The fatter the more money in the bank. We didn't hear Michael complain about Angela's weight. I guess times and taste is changing even there thanks to the internet. Lisa had to discover some special filter that functions like funny mirrors. Made her big on top and in hips and skinny in the middle. (Since she told us Usman had seen her naked. Sorry for the visual.)

[Hangin Out]

10 hours ago, mmecorday said:

This is what Geoffrey thought was so disgusting: https://letthebakingbegin.com/layered-beet-salad-with-herring-shuba/

He was in Russia.  What did he expect, Chicken cutlet Parmesan with pasta on the side?

[DiamondGirl]

12 hours ago, Adeejay said:

Usman:  "We are going to see the most beautiful woman in the world."

Friend:  "To you."

Usman:  "Lisa physically is not what I expected.  She has more belly than I was expecting."

Heh!

Surprise!  I think he said he had only seen her top half, hence the belly shock.

[My Girls]

Green card scam aside, I kinda like Usman (Sojaboy), and I might feel a little sorry for him too.  He's paying one helluva price to get out of Nigeria.  Does he even stand a chance?  Anyone know if the spousal visa will actually work?  OMG, to go through all of that for nothing...lol

[Eme]

Geoffrey wanted Varya to be Overwhelmed with him at first glance.  He immediately wanted to have The Upper Hand (Seinfeld) so he criticized her lipstick on the teeth.  Really?

He acted like she  “owed” him the right to sleep with him immediately and he was not sure if he could get over it.  Seriously?  She owes him Nothing, and I hope her interest in getting to the US doesn’t blind her to his personality.  
She was 100% right in waiting to see if he showed any emotion....or any facsimile of their internet “connection.”  Looking at this episode, it’s become crystal clear that the “ex-gf from lunch” who lamented Geof  not picking her....dodged a bullet.  Run gurl!