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Callaphera

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  1. I watched this with a migraine and half asleep and missed the first eight minutes but this is what I got from it: One: Chasen's stock has really taken a nosedive since his name buddy Jason left. It's like he's lost without him. Let this be a lesson to never separate the rhyming name buddies. Two: Where is the GoFundMe for Chapstick/herpes medication for Tayshia and the boys grown-ass men? That was a lot of kissing. Like, one dude barely said hello and they were already tongue dancing. Not judging but... yeah, judging a little. Three: Bennett can bring me beignets in bed any day. Not mornings because I hate mornings and I especially hate sweet things in the morning but I will totes climb into bed at any time from 2 pm to 10 pm for some Bennett beignet. Four: I gather that the couple hosting the Grown-Ass Man Games were former Bachelor/ette people but it's not cute to spray your snot around and then screech that "I WAS TESTED!" Did the swab kill the last three brain cells floating around up there while testing her and that's why she forgot to COVER. HER. MOUTH. WHEN. EXPELLING. A FINE. MIST. OF. MUCUS. Ew. Five: Grown-Ass Men is the new show(ed) up.
  2. I don't think the judges score actually counts for that much in the end was basically my point. Because at it's core, this show is a popularity contest, not a dance contest. Even if they had given Nelly 9s across the board instead of 10s, he's clearly pulling in the voting numbers from the public just like Bobby Bones did. In the end, it doesn't really matter if you learned the most technique and displayed it the best - it's who can get America voting for them.
  3. It's practically in the rule book that the final dance of every competitor in the semi-finals gets a perfect score so long as they don't fall on their asses. And even then, they would probably play it off as part of the choreography so long as one arm gets flung artistically or a foot is properly flexed. I wouldn't read too much into the perfect score for that last round. There are a few times they deviated from that over the years (usually it was Len throwing out a 9 instead of a 10) but for the most part, they all get the same score in the last round so long as they can stay on their feet through the whole thing.
  4. Nev and Nelly. MTV claims that they investigated the claims against Nev (the accuser says otherwise) and decided the matter was closed. Nelly reached a settlement in two (civil) cases in the U.K. and one (civil) case in Washington State. They're both on redemption tours on this show. I don't know about anything with Johnny - I just know about the two listed above.
  5. Tyra's voice never raised, she never pushed him to give an answer right now, and she was making noises of agreement with Derek at this point. I get that Tyra isn't popular with y'all but at no point did she yell for him to make a decision. If you're gonna give her shit, at least be accurate about it.
  6. I couldn't help laugh-snorting that the three safe finalists announced were two people with sexual abuse/assault scandals... and a former Bachelorette. Way to go, ABC.
  7. This is the most amazing show ever and I hope they didn't blow their wad on this premiere episode and it's going to go downhill from here. I mean. Good Time Girl? Mary's talking head about "what do you want me to do, your aunt already lost her legs"? (The husband and I did an almost synchronized gasp and reach to clutch our non-existent pearls at that one. It was art.) Whitney pole dancing at her own vow renewal and her dad who looks like the fifth Beatle fourth member of Green Day cheering her on while she did it? The drunk friend who swanned into Jen's boudoir to wish her a happy birth... day? to... yoooou? with the most confusion and tequila breath ever? "You smell like hospital" is the main drama so far - that's the most petty, Housewivian thing ever. How can you not love that shit? I mean, okay, yes. If you close your eyes when certain cast members are talking, you think it's an episode of Sister Wives but it's rilly not that big of a dill.
  8. DAMN IT, ANNOUNCE YOUR KID'S NAME ALREADY. YOU'VE HAD MONTHS OF GESTATION TO MAKE UP YOUR MIND. WTF WERE YOU DOING ALL THAT TIME? Oh wait, I know what Rachel was doing - trash talking Franzel on social media. Hee! I really just want to know if it can compete with big sister Adora Borealis Villegas. Andromeda or GTFO (Andy for short, natch). ETA: Yes, I know, it's also the name of a greek goddess but it's 2020, fuck the rules.
  9. ...where the hell did Ivan and Brendan come from? They were there all along and they never SHOWED UP for Clare? I'm a little torn between Bennett and Spencer. I feel like they could be slightly douchey but still nice guy besties. I bet Spencer would appreciate an evening spa water and aromatherapy face mask bro-date with Great Value Clark Kent. If not, I'd be willing to take Spencer's spot.
  10. Dear Dancing with the Stars band, No. Just... please no. Stop. Thanks, the entire fucking audience
  11. Didn't she get a big-ass Neil Lane ring from the Winter Games guy? Are all the rings on this show fugly takes on something that looks like it came from the bottom of the Crackerjack box?
  12. Also I would like to thank Bennett for sticking around because we could all use some more metrosexual Clark Kent in our lives. More face masks and evening spa water for all!
  13. I keep seeing references and jokes about the "right reasons" and I'm guessing that's the opposite of how I'm watching this show because I was BOOOORED through the whole Clare and Dale schmoopy "we totally did it but we totally staged this wake up scene and are now fully clothed" portion of the episode. Also that proposal took fooorever. So much talking. As a side note, Clare's eyelashes were tragic the whole episode (and yet Straitjacket Jay's white high tops with his suit pants were the most tragic part of this episode. WTF, dude?). I was in it to see Clare crush some souls. Rip some hearts from their chests and stomp on them. The husband and I started chanting "Ralphie! Ralphie! Ralphie!" whenever it got slow and (gag) "romantic". I wanted to see this GIF come to life. The poor guy who went on the date intense therapy session with Dr. Clare was as close to Ralphie as we could get. Boo.
  14. I guess I'm the only one who really liked Tyra's first dress. I've been seeing some poofy tulle dresses showing up here and there lately (usually short). It could have used more cinching in the middle to show off the extreme proportions of it but the yellow looked fantastic on her and I loved the drama of it. I did think that it would have been more appropriate on Disney night because it immediately reminded me of Belle's yellow ball gown but it was still fun. The second one was oddly fitted on the bottom but that first one? I wish she had worn that the entire night.
  15. Probably but that's not as fun to imagine. I also played with the idea of the eliminated pros being chained up during non-show times and Tyra marching up and down the row of them with a whip as they painstakingly cut all those pieces of paper into confetti. It's like a confetti sweatshop creating carefully curated handmade bespoke organic grass-fed confetti - only the best for this show.
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