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Callaphera

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  1. Callaphera

    S01.E13: Recovering the Satellites

    As a Canadian, that gun buying scene is pretty much how I picture the U.S. Deus Ex Machina Pod? I really wish those pods weren't around. They seem to be the shortcut bullshit answer to everything that ails you on Roswell, New Mexico.
  2. I think that every time the opening plays and Teddi bleats her line about "never doing your dirty work". Bitch, you did do someone's dirty work in the beginning of this season with the "Is that Dorit's dog?" moment. Physician Accountability Coach, heal account for thyself.
  3. Callaphera

    S01.E13: Recovering the Satellites

    Welp. That happened. Let's unpack some shit! Isobel lied in the dream? head? Isobel's fantasy land?scape when she told Noah that she never loved him. Even though we made such a big point about no one being able to lie in Isobel's special dream? head? Isobel's fantasy land?scape last episode. Called it. Also do you know how to get rid of the evil POC lower class alien and the Nazi alien prison? Just kill 'em. It's cool. It'll be like it never even happened. Poor Liz's dad. I know he was there to give her a home base to come back to - otherwise there would be no reason for Liz to ever come back to Roswell (population: 47,775 in real life, population: 200 on the show. It looks like the size of frickin' Mayberry) but Noah and Liz are banging around downstairs, yelling and screaming through an industrial walk-in freezer door and he's still peacefully sleeping? Yes, Kyle, go get the needle and thread from my horrible mom's sewing kit to patch me up but don't wake the man that just slept through a fucking hurricane happening downstairs. Liz and Max do not feel earned, I just don't buy it, but they gave me two of the best laughs this episode: the glowy hand orgasm (I'm sorry, that was bad) and the fact that they first started undressing each other in Max's living room, moved to his bedroom, and had glowy hand orgasms and sex. Meanwhile, he's missing the wall to his living room, left the door open to his bedroom which is not only a straight shot down the hallway from the missing living room wall but also the room that they had Noah tied up in while they let him slowly die. Romance, y'all! Another laugh? Michael is bloody ("It's not my blood" BULLSHIT, GUERIN!) and goes back to his vintage Airstream to exchange his shirt... for a white or cream coloured one while still covered in dried blood. I weep for his laundry. Another laugh? Max being The Saviour and ending the episode in a Jesus-on-the-cross pose and his arms thrown out as he lays dead on the ground. Seems fitting, what with Easter having just happened. Also Max being Thor and powering up with some of the cheesiest lightning bolts outside of an MCU movie. Gimme Chris Hemsworth any day. Another laugh? Michael's cheeseball with extra nuts guitar playing. Not so funny, on the other hand, was how they wrote Maria. Okay, I'll give you that maybe you can't control who you love. But you can control who you fuck. You can have feelings for someone but not act on them. We are not slaves to emotion. We can choose to act like adults and look at someone and say "You know what? There's this guy - you may know him - he's kinda had a thing for you for years. And that's cool, that's his thing. And I may be late to the game and I have a thing for you now. And that's cool, that's my thing. But that other guy and me? I called him one of my best friends two episodes ago and you know, this would really hurt him so maybe, just maybe, we should take a step back and think about this." But no. Who cares? Pretty people making out with pretty aliens! It's fine! At least I expect this bullshit behaviour from Michael, who is a complete cad. C'mon, Maria, be better than a horny fifteen year old. I'm Team "The Show Could End There".
  4. Take note, Denise. You may mention Charlie Sheen ("Did you know I was married to him? My ex-husband, Charlie? Charlie Sheen? I was married to him. S-H-E-E-N. My ex. Has the Tiger's Blood. Charlie. Charles. Mr. Sheen, if you're nasty.") and you've gotten his voice on the show once but Dorit can not only deliver Boy George for two backstage segments plus concert footage, she, P.K., and her CHA and NEL earrings can get him to pretend that he actually keeps up with and cares about the LVP drama. That is how you name-drop some fame-whores. Also: props to LVP for being the most talked about thing on the show and never having to lift a finger, darling.
  5. Callaphera

    S07.E20: Brittany and the Beast

    I didn't pay attention to whatever the dude's caption said so I thought he belonged to Jax's side and that his constant wide-eyed stare was him trying to psychically get across the "ABORT! ABORT! ABORT!" message to Jax when he was talking. Ooh, I love this game. Fame... whisks? No, that can't be right. Fame-wipers?
  6. Callaphera

    S07.E20: Brittany and the Beast

    Scheana's drunk, horny, and desperate act is... not quite as fun to watch as I thought it would be. Kristen's maybe drunk and but definitely desperate act is... expected.
  7. Callaphera

    S08.E02: A Knight of the Seven Kingdoms

    Worked for me. I'd still do him. Might ask him to take a bath first, though. Stale ale, ugh.
  8. Callaphera

    S08.E02: A Knight of the Seven Kingdoms

    I mean, part of me wonders if they mean for the North to come off that way or if they just mean for them to glare at anyone from Dany's side of the army. These are the same people who gave us that super cringe-y Dany the White Saviour scene at the end of S3. But it's certainly coming off as the North being racist as fuck.
  9. Callaphera

    S08.E02: A Knight of the Seven Kingdoms

    Tormund Giantsbane: clumsy seducer of big women, ruiner of heartfelt moments, and the best fucking thing ever.
  10. Callaphera

    S01.E12: Creep

    Heh. I'm using this show to warm up my outrage muscles for the BB21 live feeds. Gotta keep that shit limber so I don't pull something during one of my multi-day rants.
  11. Callaphera

    The Perfectionists

    I paid close attention. I had the closed captioning on. I even rewound on a few parts when I wasn't 100% sure. There was peanut brittle. Whiskey. Italian takeout. Ava's white girl special pumpkin spice latte. No. Fucking. Pie. PLL: TP, I am disappoint.
  12. Callaphera

    S07.E16 Lashanta's Story

    Tonight's episode pairs well with hidden fried chicken and 2 Can Dine for $10.99 coupons at the drive-thru. But not Tupperware, bathroom or otherwise.
  13. Callaphera

    S07.E16: Lashanta's Story LIVE CHAT

    LaShanta about Dr. Now: "I'mma show him!" Dr. Now,a month later: "Well, we'll round up..."
  14. Callaphera

    S07.E16: Lashanta's Story LIVE CHAT

    In the last two minutes, she finally almost loses the month goal that Dr. Now set for her. I mean...
  15. Callaphera

    S07.E16: Lashanta's Story LIVE CHAT

    She might have to take some *gasp* responsibility over her failing out of the program she never started. ... Nah, just kidding, it's totally Dr. Now's fault.
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