Welp. That happened. Let's unpack some shit!
Isobel lied in the dream? head? Isobel's fantasy land?scape when she told Noah that she never loved him. Even though we made such a big point about no one being able to lie in Isobel's special dream? head? Isobel's fantasy land?scape last episode. Called it. Also do you know how to get rid of the evil POC lower class alien and the Nazi alien prison? Just kill 'em. It's cool. It'll be like it never even happened.
Poor Liz's dad. I know he was there to give her a home base to come back to - otherwise there would be no reason for Liz to ever come back to Roswell (population: 47,775 in real life, population: 200 on the show. It looks like the size of frickin' Mayberry) but Noah and Liz are banging around downstairs, yelling and screaming through an industrial walk-in freezer door and he's still peacefully sleeping? Yes, Kyle, go get the needle and thread from my horrible mom's sewing kit to patch me up but don't wake the man that just slept through a fucking hurricane happening downstairs.
Liz and Max do not feel earned, I just don't buy it, but they gave me two of the best laughs this episode: the glowy hand orgasm (I'm sorry, that was bad) and the fact that they first started undressing each other in Max's living room, moved to his bedroom, and had glowy hand orgasms and sex. Meanwhile, he's missing the wall to his living room, left the door open to his bedroom which is not only a straight shot down the hallway from the missing living room wall but also the room that they had Noah tied up in while they let him slowly die. Romance, y'all!
Another laugh? Michael is bloody ("It's not my blood" BULLSHIT, GUERIN!) and goes back to his vintage Airstream to exchange his shirt... for a white or cream coloured one while still covered in dried blood. I weep for his laundry.
Another laugh? Max being The Saviour and ending the episode in a Jesus-on-the-cross pose and his arms thrown out as he lays dead on the ground. Seems fitting, what with Easter having just happened. Also Max being Thor and powering up with some of the cheesiest lightning bolts outside of an MCU movie. Gimme Chris Hemsworth any day.
Another laugh? Michael's cheeseball with extra nuts guitar playing.
Not so funny, on the other hand, was how they wrote Maria. Okay, I'll give you that maybe you can't control who you love. But you can control who you fuck. You can have feelings for someone but not act on them. We are not slaves to emotion. We can choose to act like adults and look at someone and say "You know what? There's this guy - you may know him - he's kinda had a thing for you for years. And that's cool, that's his thing. And I may be late to the game and I have a thing for you now. And that's cool, that's my thing. But that other guy and me? I called him one of my best friends two episodes ago and you know, this would really hurt him so maybe, just maybe, we should take a step back and think about this." But no. Who cares? Pretty people making out with pretty aliens! It's fine! At least I expect this bullshit behaviour from Michael, who is a complete cad. C'mon, Maria, be better than a horny fifteen year old.
I'm Team "The Show Could End There".