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Callaphera

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  1. I've never watched BBCAN but I was too stoned to change the channel after the news. The house apparently doubles as an airplane hanger in its off season? There's some dude who probably prays at the altar of the Holy Kurts (Cobain and Vonnegut)? And pinnies! The things that smell like 20 years of B.O., mildew, and broken dodgeball dreams. They had them! 'Scuse me while I deal with my lingering gym class PTSD. I don't know if I'll continue to watch but it was definitely a good after dinner smoke-and-chill show.
  2. Do we think Mother told Tyler to propose? I'm not sure he can do anything without a signed permission slip from her. Also I'm not saying that every proposeé (yes, I'm making up words) needs to fall onto the ground in histrionics shouting "YES!" but she gave about as much energy as she always does in that moment. Many happy years and ramen headed children to you - now please go away kthx
  3. I watched this with a migraine and half asleep and missed the first eight minutes but this is what I got from it: One: Chasen's stock has really taken a nosedive since his name buddy Jason left. It's like he's lost without him. Let this be a lesson to never separate the rhyming name buddies. Two: Where is the GoFundMe for Chapstick/herpes medication for Tayshia and the boys grown-ass men? That was a lot of kissing. Like, one dude barely said hello and they were already tongue dancing. Not judging but... yeah, judging a little. Three: Bennett can bring me beignets in bed any day.
  4. I don't think the judges score actually counts for that much in the end was basically my point. Because at it's core, this show is a popularity contest, not a dance contest. Even if they had given Nelly 9s across the board instead of 10s, he's clearly pulling in the voting numbers from the public just like Bobby Bones did. In the end, it doesn't really matter if you learned the most technique and displayed it the best - it's who can get America voting for them.
  5. It's practically in the rule book that the final dance of every competitor in the semi-finals gets a perfect score so long as they don't fall on their asses. And even then, they would probably play it off as part of the choreography so long as one arm gets flung artistically or a foot is properly flexed. I wouldn't read too much into the perfect score for that last round. There are a few times they deviated from that over the years (usually it was Len throwing out a 9 instead of a 10) but for the most part, they all get the same score in the last round so long as they can stay on their f
  6. Nev and Nelly. MTV claims that they investigated the claims against Nev (the accuser says otherwise) and decided the matter was closed. Nelly reached a settlement in two (civil) cases in the U.K. and one (civil) case in Washington State. They're both on redemption tours on this show. I don't know about anything with Johnny - I just know about the two listed above.
  7. Tyra's voice never raised, she never pushed him to give an answer right now, and she was making noises of agreement with Derek at this point. I get that Tyra isn't popular with y'all but at no point did she yell for him to make a decision. If you're gonna give her shit, at least be accurate about it.
  8. I couldn't help laugh-snorting that the three safe finalists announced were two people with sexual abuse/assault scandals... and a former Bachelorette. Way to go, ABC.
  9. This is the most amazing show ever and I hope they didn't blow their wad on this premiere episode and it's going to go downhill from here. I mean. Good Time Girl? Mary's talking head about "what do you want me to do, your aunt already lost her legs"? (The husband and I did an almost synchronized gasp and reach to clutch our non-existent pearls at that one. It was art.) Whitney pole dancing at her own vow renewal and her dad who looks like the fifth Beatle fourth member of Green Day cheering her on while she did it? The drunk friend who swanned into Jen's boudoir to wish her a happy birth... da
  10. DAMN IT, ANNOUNCE YOUR KID'S NAME ALREADY. YOU'VE HAD MONTHS OF GESTATION TO MAKE UP YOUR MIND. WTF WERE YOU DOING ALL THAT TIME? Oh wait, I know what Rachel was doing - trash talking Franzel on social media. Hee! I really just want to know if it can compete with big sister Adora Borealis Villegas. Andromeda or GTFO (Andy for short, natch). ETA: Yes, I know, it's also the name of a greek goddess but it's 2020, fuck the rules.
  11. ...where the hell did Ivan and Brendan come from? They were there all along and they never SHOWED UP for Clare? I'm a little torn between Bennett and Spencer. I feel like they could be slightly douchey but still nice guy besties. I bet Spencer would appreciate an evening spa water and aromatherapy face mask bro-date with Great Value Clark Kent. If not, I'd be willing to take Spencer's spot.
  12. Dear Dancing with the Stars band, No. Just... please no. Stop. Thanks, the entire fucking audience
  13. Didn't she get a big-ass Neil Lane ring from the Winter Games guy? Are all the rings on this show fugly takes on something that looks like it came from the bottom of the Crackerjack box?
  14. Also I would like to thank Bennett for sticking around because we could all use some more metrosexual Clark Kent in our lives. More face masks and evening spa water for all!
  15. I keep seeing references and jokes about the "right reasons" and I'm guessing that's the opposite of how I'm watching this show because I was BOOOORED through the whole Clare and Dale schmoopy "we totally did it but we totally staged this wake up scene and are now fully clothed" portion of the episode. Also that proposal took fooorever. So much talking. As a side note, Clare's eyelashes were tragic the whole episode (and yet Straitjacket Jay's white high tops with his suit pants were the most tragic part of this episode. WTF, dude?). I was in it to see Clare crush some souls. Rip some he
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