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The Lonely Js Club: James, Jackson & Johannah

SpaghettiTuesdays

By SpaghettiTuesdays
in Counting On

Scarlett45
Message added by Scarlett45,

Discussing the charges against Jana is fine, but do not post any information that reveals her address/contact information- even if said documents are public (i.e. a part of court proceedings.)

Discussing charges against Jana is NOT a jumping off point to speculate on other instances abuse/neglect etc towards the M-children or to elaborate on Josh's conviction and potential victims.  

 

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Ijustwantsomechips
Ijustwantsomechips

Maybe Jana needs her own thread as a token of the respect she’ll never garner as a single woman in Gothardland.  

andromeda331
andromeda331

How about both hop in the plane close the door really quickly and fly off.  Abbie: "Where are we going?" JD: Cayman Islands. We're elope. And we're not coming back! Abbie: Wait we need

BitterApple
BitterApple

Wow, so this is what, the fourth guy to publicly release a statement denying involvement with Jana? That must be doing wonders for her self-esteem.  These guys are starting to piss me off, though

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leighdear

leighdear

(edited)

Jana's hair looks so thin & limp.  It used to be so much prettier.   And those cap sleeves are getting precariously close to sleeveless. 

Though In the past few years, Jana's skirts have inched up to knee-grazing, sleeves have gotten less visible and tops are not quite as roomy.  Maybe Michelle & JB have given up on her making a love connection and just don't care if she follows the modesty rules anymore.  They still have 4 younger girls at home to follow the guidelines, so I think they've washed their hands of Jana.  

Edited by leighdear
  • Love 4
madpsych78

madpsych78

5 hours ago, floridamom said:

There's Jana, his real mother, sitting next to him in the restaurant. Michelle went along for the free meal that she, again, didn't have to cook, serve or clean up.

I thought Jill was his real mother? Where has Jill been for the James pics? (Not that Jana isn't the real mother to a bunch of the younger kids, but Jill was James's buddy.)

  • Love 1
dargosmydaddy

dargosmydaddy

5 hours ago, BigBingerBro said:

There's obviously a rule that once you're married off, the buddy-mother bond is broken.

Except we've been discussing on the Jill thread that she was always the exception to this rule... she continued to be there for her buddies even after her marriage, and seemed more maternal towards them than towards her own children (or at least Izzy). And she was the only sister pictured with Joy in the Annabell photo shoot. So I do find her absence at James's celebration a little odd. Have her parents made her unwelcome now that she's off the show/ making posts about sex? Did she and James have a falling out or a drifting apart (or maybe James doesn't like Derrick?)? James always seems like such a helpful kid when there are babies around, so I'm surprised Jill hasn't taken advantage of that. It does seem like she's drifted away from her buddy group in general lately, and I kind of think it's something out of her control (parents not making her welcome at the big house and/ or Derrick encouraging her to stay away), which is sad.

  • Love 2
ranchgirl

ranchgirl

Can't believe James is 18.  He had been crafty in avoiding the cameras all these years.  (Or ignored and forgotten.)  

Last time I really remember seeing him on any Duggar show is when he would chaperone for Jill and Derrick.  

He looks the most unique out of the kids.  

I also didn't know he had gone to Alert.  

  • Love 1
Ohiopirate02

Ohiopirate02

2 hours ago, ginger90 said:

CA6F0E26-01AC-49B6-86B7-C01C7DF4D9A3.jpeg

I think it is telling that everything is vague except for Alert.  Neither one has completed any accredited training programs that would allow them to actually have a job outside of the compound.  It's just two more boys living off the teat when they should be out working a real job and keeping their money.

  • Love 18
BitterApple

BitterApple

26 minutes ago, Suzn said:

I think if you told me she was forty-something, I'd believe it.

I would too. It isn't so much Jana's physical appearance, there's something about her demeanor that's so worn down. It's like she just lives a flat existence, as if there's nothing to look forward to. It's very sad. 

  • Love 7
Suzn

Suzn

46 minutes ago, BitterApple said:

I would too. It isn't so much Jana's physical appearance, there's something about her demeanor that's so worn down. It's like she just lives a flat existence, as if there's nothing to look forward to. It's very sad. 

She's been a caged bird all her life and even though the door is open now, she either can't see it or is afraid to go through.

  • Love 2
Churchhoney

Churchhoney

(edited)
2 hours ago, Suzn said:

She's been a caged bird all her life and even though the door is open now, she either can't see it or is afraid to go through.

That's about the size of it, isn't it? 

When you're stuck with mega-controlling, abusive people from birth, your brain quickly adapts to the iron laws of the situation because it picks up in infancy the idea that obeying those rules is key to your ability to survive. That's what brains are designed to do. They adapt to the situation they perceive and direct your activities so you'll survive in that situation. 

Ultimately, your brain creates a perfect model of those people and their rules in your brain. So your brain enforces the rules on you before the external controllers even get a chance, all day every day.

Individuals vary widely, of course. And other parts of your brain contribute other things -- like being able to perceive a wider situation and conceive of the possibility of surviving by moving or rebelling, for example. 

But, based on what I've experienced and read, I'd say that, while a lot of people ultimately get those jailers in their heads to back off to some degree, very very few are able to shut them down entirely, at least without therapy. It's your actual wiring, after all. You have to reconstitute your brain to get past it. 

JB and M have been incredibly successful in shutting down everybody. And I wonder whether that isn't because they've passed on to their kids their own fearful and none-too-bright brain wiring.

So the kids mostly can't even see open doors and they're scared of everything so even if they glimpse one they're terrified to even imagine going through it. (I think JB and M were attracted to Gothard and to their overall xenophobic approach to life because they're just naturally fearful and madly self-protective. Plus dumb. Kids like that would keep the wiring they developed early on, probably.) 

That's why I think marriage is probably the only possible means of escape and change for Duggarlings (at least the ones who've come of age so far....Maybe a differently constituted kid is lurking down in the 18-and-under set somewhere.) With somebody else driving or at least helping to drive the train, they have a much better chance than they'll ever have in the compound to see some of those potentially open doors. Once they've linked up to somebody else, they may even have to walk through a door that leads to some change or enlightenment. 

Of course, depending on who you marry, that person might be so much like the jailer-parents in your head that you'd just end up handing over your controls to a new control freak while keeping your self-suppressing wiring intact....I'd say Jana's stuck for life. I hope she finds some things in it that can give her at least a little enjoyment somewhere. 

Edited by Churchhoney
  • Love 9
Suzn

Suzn

1 hour ago, Churchhoney said:

That's about the size of it, isn't it? 

When you're stuck with mega-controlling, abusive people from birth, your brain quickly adapts to the iron laws of the situation because it picks up in infancy the idea that obeying those rules is key to your ability to survive. That's what brains are designed to do. They adapt to the situation they perceive and direct your activities so you'll survive in that situation. 

Ultimately, your brain creates a perfect model of those people and their rules in your brain. So your brain enforces the rules on you before the external controllers even get a chance, all day every day.

Individuals vary widely, of course. And other parts of your brain contribute other things -- like being able to perceive a wider situation and conceive of the possibility of surviving by moving or rebelling, for example. 

But, based on what I've experienced and read, I'd say that, while a lot of people ultimately get those jailers in their heads to back off to some degree, very very few are able to shut them down entirely, at least without therapy. It's your actual wiring, after all. You have to reconstitute your brain to get past it. 

JB and M have been incredibly successful in shutting down everybody. And I wonder whether that isn't because they've passed on to their kids their own fearful and none-too-bright brain wiring.

So the kids mostly can't even see open doors and they're scared of everything so even if they glimpse one they're terrified to even imagine going through it. (I think JB and M were attracted to Gothard and to their overall xenophobic approach to life because they're just naturally fearful and madly self-protective. Plus dumb. Kids like that would keep the wiring they developed early on, probably.) 

That's why I think marriage is probably the only possible means of escape and change for Duggarlings (at least the ones who've come of age so far....Maybe a differently constituted kid is lurking down in the 18-and-under set somewhere.)

And, of course, depending on who you marry, that person might be so much like the jailer-parents in your head that you'd just end up handing over your controls to a new control freak while keeping your self-suppressing wiring intact....I'd say Jana's stuck for life. I hope she finds some things in it that can give her at least a little enjoyment somewhere. 

It's a little like Stockholm Syndrome, isn't it?

It is always possible that something intense, disruptive, even traumatic could happen that could loosen the hold on the kids, but my expectations are very low.  And it is also possible that some illumination could shine in their damaged minds - always a chance.

  • Love 6
GeeGolly

GeeGolly

Jana is not only a product of her environment, as we all are to some degree, but half the country thinks very much like the Duggars, give or take a few beliefs.

I imagine Jana would feel very sorry for a woman, say like, Mary Tyler Moore, if the Mary Tyler Moore Show was a reality show.

It would be interesting to know what Jana really thinks and feels. But I'm guessing Jana wouldn't know her own true feelings separate from what she's been taught to feel.

  • Love 6
Scarlett45
Message added by Scarlett45,

Discussing the charges against Jana is fine, but do not post any information that reveals her address/contact information- even if said documents are public (i.e. a part of court proceedings.)

Discussing charges against Jana is NOT a jumping off point to speculate on other instances abuse/neglect etc towards the M-children or to elaborate on Josh's conviction and potential victims.  

 

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