S05.E08: No Show

[OnceSane]

Quote

Scheana questions going on a birthday trip with Stassi and Katie following a vicious fight with them. Also, Lala begins to dread Ariana's Sonoma birthday getaway upon discovering she'll be stuck with Jax, and James pleads to get his DJ job back.

[dosodog]

Nickoli  should replace Andy for all reunion specials from this moment on.  Keep it real kid.  You're the only one that does. 

I think I would find his take on Bravo drama feuds, fascinating. Imagine his conversations with Vicki Gunvalson.  Bethanny.  Eileen, Lisa Rinna and Lisa Vanderpump.  He would have shut down an entire season of stupidity.

Bless him.

[Primetimer]

The season's most consistent episode sadly finds the SURvers table setting.

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[FlyingEgret]

The tea towel announcements/invitations were better than I expected, but that's not saying much...

Also, aren't tea towels supposed to be much smaller?  They looked like dish (or even bath) towels instead - no wonder they were so expensive...  

Edited December 27, 2016 by FlyingEgret
holiday calories

[chick binewski]

Was I just in a hurry to get back to the Breaking Bad marathon or was this episode a whole lot of nothing? I mean except for reiterating this cast has a very loose interpretation of the word "sober". And that Stassi's mom shops for rompers at Kyle by Aileen Too.

I hated the tea towel as much as I hated Pandora's boxed invite. I might see the towel as a wedding favor featuring the date & location, but $18.50 each for an invitation from a couple with bubba graffiti art & bad hair extensions? Why?

[ivygirl]

Nickolai was the best part of this episode. Well, that and DJ Applebee's getting shut down by Lisa.

I suppose they felt it was ok to show a boring episode right after a holiday. Bring on next week, I guess?

ETA I didn't think those were too large to be tea towels. I've seen them that large.

Edited December 27, 2016 by ivygirl

[cincivic]

Is Lisa the only one with central air on this show? Stassi doesn't have it. Scheana, who lives in a house, doesn't have it. Tom and Ariana don't have it. Is it really expensive to have central air in LA? I really have no idea about that. 

Also, the invitation tea towel  is not a tea towel. Tea towels are quite small. 

[biakbiak]

11 minutes ago, FlyingEgret said:

The tea towel announcements/invitations were better than I expected, but that's not saying much...

Also, aren't tea towels supposed to be much smaller?  They looked like dish (or even bath) towels instead - no wonder they were so expensive...  

Tea towels and dish towels are used interchangeably. 

[ivygirl]

Is this tea towel discussion going to be the hottest topic this week?

[WhosThatGirl]

Did anything even happen this episode? It felt ridiculously boring. 

[itsadryheat]

Yes, new fan favorite Nickoli! 

[ScoobieDoobs]

From now on I'm tuning out Stassi's babble about breaking up & getting back together with Patrick every 2 seconds because it sounds so ridiculous & idiotic.  She sounds like a combo of an extreme moron & a crazy person when she babbles this shit.  Have no patience or interest in it.

Why would Lisa even agree to see Muppet?  That scene made no sense.  And he was still being disrespectful to her.  She shoulda had Pete throw him out.  Arrogant little fucker just doesn't know the score.  Loser.

[itsadryheat]

DJ Muppetbaby on the receiving end of another smackdown from Lisa. 

Can’t say I don’t enjoy seeing an entitled narcissist, regardless of their age, get what they deserve.

[Petunia13]

What nationality or heritage is Stasi? That's an unusual name and she has unique features

[Rosiejuliemom]

32 minutes ago, Petunia13 said:

What nationality or heritage is Stasi? That's an unusual name and she has unique features

Isn't she descended from a Swedish princess or something like that?

[njbchlover]

6 minutes ago, Rosiejuliemom said:

Isn't she descended from a Swedish princess or something like that?

I don't know who Stassi's long ago descendants are, but I do know that she comes from one of the worse "actresses" I have ever seen.  Her mother couldn't have been worse if they were feeding her lines through a ear piece.  

Nickolai was kind of cool, but I wonder if he, too, had been fed what he should say, and just was more natural about it.

Edited December 27, 2016 by njbchlover

[heatherchandler]

14 minutes ago, njbchlover said:

I don't know who Stassi's long ago descendants are, but I do know that she comes from one of the worse "actresses" I have ever seen.  Her mother couldn't have been worse if they were feeding her lines through a ear piece.  

Nickolai was kind of cool, but I wonder if he, too, had been fed what he should say, and just was more natural about it.

Her mom was trying REALLY hard.  I think she wants a spot on the show.

[MVFrostsMyPie]

2 hours ago, cincivic said:

Is Lisa the only one with central air on this show? Stassi doesn't have it. Scheana, who lives in a house, doesn't have it. Tom and Ariana don't have it. Is it really expensive to have central air in LA? I really have no idea about that. 

Also, the invitation tea towel  is not a tea towel. Tea towels are quite small. 

I live in norcal (but where I live it does reach the 90s/occasional 100s in the summer) and none of the multiple apartments I lived in had central air (although my window unit looks less janky than Stassi's did) and have lived on the central coast as well, and didn't have central air there either (I still remember this one truly miserable day that it was 107, and all my roommates and I could do was sit on our couch with multiple fans pointing at us with ice packs on our heads), and most of the other apartments I looked at or have lived in don't have central air either. I wouldn't be surprised if most older apartments in CA, regardless of location, don't have it. Whoever built them didn't take global warming into account. :P It's not so much the central air that's pricey (although it can triple your electricity bill...), it's paying the rent for an apartment that has central air that's even more pricey than a crappy apartment in a prime location. The price of living in CA is pretty freaking depressingly expensive in general. (So what I really need to do is find a sugar daddy a la Lala). 

Edited December 27, 2016 by MattDuffysCat

[biakbiak]

Kristen looked so pleased when Jax said that Scheana was scared of the coven and would do anything to get back on their good side.

James girlfriend's nose bothers me.

[ScoobieDoobs]

Ah, this show.  Nikolai is an 11 year old with the sense of a 30-something, & the chucklefucks are 30-somethings with the sense of 11 year olds.  Ah, this show . . .

Edited December 27, 2016 by ScoobieDoobs

[Petunia13]

I think the word Stasi and name Nikolai are Russian. And she looks slightly Russian 

[ivygirl]

1 hour ago, heatherchandler said:

Her mom was trying REALLY hard.  I think she wants a spot on the show.

Both Stassi's mom and Scheana's mom remind me of Amy Poehler's "cool mom" character from Mean Girls... which, come to think of it, is kinda fitting...

[ghoulina]

So THOSE are tea towels. Never seen one before. Honestly, I don't get the point. They're HUGE. What do you do with them? Are Katie's friends the type to use tea towels? Stassi seemed completely confused by them. If I received one of those, I'd have literally no idea what to do with it. And at $18/piece, I'm totally team Schwartz on this one. Ridiculous waste of money. 

Shay is dead on balls accurate about one thing - Scheana should just quit talking to the coven, after they have treated her so horribly. But where he's 100% wrong is that ignoring them will make them miss Scheana and realize THEY were in the wrong. Ha. Hahahaha. No. Those girls will never given in. Scheana will have to eat crow or it's all over. 

Stassi's brother is back! Make that kid a permanent addition to the cast. I just love him. He truly knows what's up. Stassi DOES need to stay out of other people's business. The whole thing with Lala, Katie, and Scheana has nothing to do with her. Sure, I get that Katie is her BFF (who SHE was horribly mean to just a few years ago) and she wants to defend her, but this basically involves how to deal with Lala at work. And she doesn't WORK at Sur anymore. Scheana is really just trying to create a comfortable workspace and I don't get why everyone is giving her so much fucking shit. 

I don't want to waste too much time on James because he's a total lifesuck. Of COURSE he's going to come begging for his job back. What else is he going to do? Sure, he may get a few other jobs, but this one is on TV. Duh. Oh, and I liked how he was bragging about getting a gig in between the Whiskey a Go Go and the Roxy. IN BETWEEN. Not AT either of those places. Hell, any crappy dive bar could be situated between those places. Let's get real. I mean, this is the dude who takes his girlfriend out to a nice lunch wearing his struggle tank top, like a douchey fifteen-year-old. He's just too pathetic for words. 

Don't care about Jax and his man boobs. 

I'm ready for the show down of the dueling birthday parties. As much as I'm not a race car fan, I think the vibe on Ariana's trip will be a lot more fun. I hope Lala just doesn't show up at all. I wonder what her deal is? Slept too late? Mystery boyfriend forbade her to go? Too intimidated by Jax? Accidentally gouged her eye out with one of those giant fucking claws on the end of her fingers???

[ghoulina]

10 hours ago, cincivic said:

Is Lisa the only one with central air on this show? Stassi doesn't have it. Scheana, who lives in a house, doesn't have it. Tom and Ariana don't have it. Is it really expensive to have central air in LA? I really have no idea about that. 

I was wondering about that as well. It seems crazy to me that places in California just wouldn't have central air. I've lived a lot of places. In Oregon it's very common not to have central air. Summer can be hot, but it's short. I live in the midwest now and a lot of older houses don't have central air either. My husband had to install a brand new system when we bought our house (that's what he does for a living, thankfully). But when I lived in FL and southern GA - everywhere had central air. I lived in some SHITTY apartments, places that I rented for around $350/month and were one step up from a hovel. But they all had central air. It's just weird, to me, that such a hot locale wouldn't have AC in every building. 

[esco1822]

8 hours ago, biakbiak said:

Kristen looked so pleased when Jax said that Scheana was scared of the coven and would do anything to get back on their good side.

James girlfriend's nose bothers me.

James's girlfriend's everything bothers me. Her hairline, her gigantic caterpillar eyebrows, her voice, her mouth.  So yeah, pretty much everything. 

[SuzWhat]

18 minutes ago, esco1822 said:

James's girlfriend's everything bothers me. Her hairline, her gigantic caterpillar eyebrows, her voice, her mouth.  So yeah, pretty much everything. 

Her conversation, her attitude, her taste in men...

[bichonblitz]

I was in LA and San Diego once in August, we wore long sleeves and sweaters at night, during the day it was perfect with NO humidity. I thought I died and went to heaven because I live in Fl. where there is 1,000% humidity every month of the year and everybody everywhere even the poorest neighborhoods have A/C, it's a must!  I think sweltering hot days in LA are very few so once in a while when it happens, everybody freaks out. Of course, these chucklefucks all live in older apartments, they don't live in modern buildings, so that could be a reason for no A/C. I'm sure you wouldn't catch the RHOBH women without it.

As for Stassi's brother, I cheered when he told Stassi that people are going to get tired of her having to be right all the time! Go Nickolai! 

[zoeysmom]

Those wedding invitations/tea towels are just ridiculous.  For $5.00 a piece they could have gotten really nice invitations, instead of a gag gift.  I suppose the recipients can use the to wipe the counter tops down.  Why not a potholder?  

[ghoulina]

12 minutes ago, bichonblitz said:

I was in LA and San Diego once in August, we wore long sleeves and sweaters at night, during the day it was perfect with NO humidity. I thought I died and went to heaven because I live in Fl. where there is 1,000% humidity every month of the year and everybody everywhere even the poorest neighborhoods have A/C, it's a must! 

Ah okay, that makes more sense. I've only ever been to NorCal and that was in the late spring for a wedding; it was actually quite cold. I didn't realize humidity wasn't as much of a factor. 

[snarts]

I could've happily lived my whole life without seeing the piece of moob the surgeon removed from Jax.  Thx Bravo. Also, if the supplements give him breasts why is he still taking them?

Too much James in this episode.  Too many tank tops.

In terms of trips, Montauk sounds so much more appealing that a Nascar race anywhere.  What a waste of trip to wine country.  Surprised that Katie didn't have issue with Schwartz going on the trip with Lala.  

[zenme]

Shallow, but this IS VPR so, I concur with some of our fellow posters.  James' girl is not nearly as cute now that I've gotten a good look at her, and Schwartz, if Katie's mom and grandma are any indication of future Katie...sheesh. Keep up with the Botox etc.

Ugh. Now that I've insulted a seemingly nice mom and grandma, I'll go make my coffee.

[ghoulina]

21 minutes ago, snarts said:

 

I could've happily lived my whole life without seeing the piece of moob the surgeon removed from Jax.  Thx Bravo. Also, if the supplements give him breasts why is he still taking them?

 

I'm guessing because they provide some other benefit that outweighs the cysts he's getting. This is Jax we're talking about. He's so vain. I would guess they help him achieve larger muscles, increase his stamina to work out, etc. Nevermind the bulges in his chest. He'll just go see his trusty plastic surgeon and get them removed twice a year. 

[njbchlover]

2 hours ago, ghoulina said:

So THOSE are tea towels. Never seen one before. Honestly, I don't get the point. They're HUGE. What do you do with them? Are Katie's friends the type to use tea towels? Stassi seemed completely confused by them. If I received one of those, I'd have literally no idea what to do with it. And at $18/piece, I'm totally team Schwartz on this one. Ridiculous waste of money. 

 

 

52 minutes ago, zoeysmom said:

Those wedding invitations/tea towels are just ridiculous.  For $5.00 a piece they could have gotten really nice invitations, instead of a gag gift.  I suppose the recipients can use the to wipe the counter tops down.  Why not a potholder?  

I just saw a segment on the Today Show w/Kathie Lee and Hoda, where they said that your tea towel/dishtowel is one of the germiest things in your kitchen--so, for a wedding on this show, it's kind of an appropriate weddding invitation, LOL!!!  

$18.00 a pop, though, is ridiculous.  They looked like cheap, huge bar rags.   Don't you think when a guest opens the box, they'll be thinking "WTF"??  I also wonder how many times you can wash it before the printing becomes faded and the towel just looks shabby...just another stupid prop for this "elegant wedding in the woods"....

[zenme]

Yea. I agree young Nicolai holds more wisdom than any of those 20 something/30 something cast members, but am I the only one who thinks kids should be kids? He's privy to too much...

[The Mighty Peanut]

I haven't watched yet. Does anyone use the correct pronounciation of supplements which in Jax's case is "steroids"? It just seems obvious to me.

[bichonblitz]

13 minutes ago, The Mighty Peanut said:

I haven't watched yet. Does anyone use the correct pronounciation of supplements which in Jax's case is "steroids"? It just seems obvious to me.

Obvious to me, too. Supplements my ass. Which answers the question we all had last season as to why he was always so sweaty and greasy looking, and very high strung ready for a fight,  with severe mood swings. He seems a little more calmed down this season but I think he's really trying to rein it in for the camera after looking like such a jerk. Why is Brittney with this loser?  

[ghoulina]

Yea, I think we need big air quotes around the word "supplements". 

[tvfanatic13]

I am somewhat intrigued by the Lala exit. In interviews she said that we would see a different (perhaps better???) side of her in her exit and I cannot imagine how that could be. Something is definitely up with the "no show".

[Duke2801]

8 hours ago, ivygirl said:

Both Stassi's mom and Scheana's mom remind me of Amy Poehler's "cool mom" character from Mean Girls... which, come to think of it, is kinda fitting...

Ha ha so much of this!  Ok, well actually, Scheanna's mom doesn't bother me TOO much, but Stassi's mom is the absolutely worst.  She actually managed to make Stassi look like less of a pathetic hot mess in their scenes together.  And that, my friends, is saying something.  Her dad (stepdad...?  I had a hard time deciphering her family situation) that appeared in season 1 or 2 was pretty terrible too, iirc. 

But yes, at 11 years old, Nickoli was definitely the most sage of the group.  He's a real cutie too. 

1 hour ago, zenme said:

Shallow, but this IS VPR so, I concur with some of our fellow posters.  James' girl is not nearly as cute now that I've gotten a good look at her, and Schwartz, if Katie's mom and grandma are any indication of future Katie...sheesh. Keep up with the Botox etc.

Ugh. Now that I've insulted a seemingly nice mom and grandma, I'll go make my coffee.

Yes-thank you!  I think his girlfriend suffers from a raging case of Monet syndrome (Clueless shout out!).  From further away she looks good, but up close?  Yikes.  And - her looks aside - the fact that she willingly dates and has sex with (urg...oops sorry just threw up in my mouth a little) James makes me question her sanity altogether.

[itainttippithebird]

Quote

Oh, and I liked how he was bragging about getting a gig in between the Whiskey a Go Go and the Roxy. IN BETWEEN. Not AT either of those places. Hell, any crappy dive bar could be situated between those places.

If it truly is strictly between the two, the only options are an Irish "rock n roll pub", a tiki lounge, and a deli, according to my quick perusal of google maps. Yikes.

[ghoulina]

11 minutes ago, itainttippithebird said:

If it truly is strictly between the two, the only options are an Irish "rock n roll pub", a tiki lounge, and a deli, according to my quick perusal of google maps. Yikes.

Oh I would just die if it were the deli. Please, make it be so. 

[ivygirl]

3 hours ago, ghoulina said:

So THOSE are tea towels. Never seen one before. Honestly, I don't get the point. They're HUGE. What do you do with them? Are Katie's friends the type to use tea towels? Stassi seemed completely confused by them. If I received one of those, I'd have literally no idea what to do with it. And at $18/piece, I'm totally team Schwartz on this one. Ridiculous waste of money. 

Shay is dead on balls accurate about one thing - Scheana should just quit talking to the coven, after they have treated her so horribly. But where he's 100% wrong is that ignoring them will make them miss Scheana and realize THEY were in the wrong. Ha. Hahahaha. No. Those girls will never given in. Scheana will have to eat crow or it's all over. 

Stassi's brother is back! Make that kid a permanent addition to the cast. I just love him. He truly knows what's up. Stassi DOES need to stay out of other people's business. The whole thing with Lala, Katie, and Scheana has nothing to do with her. Sure, I get that Katie is her BFF (who SHE was horribly mean to just a few years ago) and she wants to defend her, but this basically involves how to deal with Lala at work. And she doesn't WORK at Sur anymore. Scheana is really just trying to create a comfortable workspace and I don't get why everyone is giving her so much fucking shit. 

I don't want to waste too much time on James because he's a total lifesuck. Of COURSE he's going to come begging for his job back. What else is he going to do? Sure, he may get a few other jobs, but this one is on TV. Duh. Oh, and I liked how he was bragging about getting a gig in between the Whiskey a Go Go and the Roxy. IN BETWEEN. Not AT either of those places. Hell, any crappy dive bar could be situated between those places. Let's get real. I mean, this is the dude who takes his girlfriend out to a nice lunch wearing his struggle tank top, like a douchey fifteen-year-old. He's just too pathetic for words. 

Don't care about Jax and his man boobs. 

I'm ready for the show down of the dueling birthday parties. As much as I'm not a race car fan, I think the vibe on Ariana's trip will be a lot more fun. I hope Lala just doesn't show up at all. I wonder what her deal is? Slept too late? Mystery boyfriend forbade her to go? Too intimidated by Jax? Accidentally gouged her eye out with one of those giant fucking claws on the end of her fingers???

- Tea towels: If I were to go through with this idea (not for a wedding, but perhaps a shower or, I don't know, a tea party?) I would've purchased white ones and ironed on a more minimalist design. The iron-on stuff isn't cheap but I'm sure it's cheaper than $18 a pop... They are really good for drying dishes as the texture can be soft enough to not hurt/scratch glass, but not plush like a terry towel (so they aren't as linty and don't get soggy as quickly).

- I LOL'ed at James' comment about the bar being between the famous Whisky and Roxy. "At some point in their careers, Jimmy Page, Vince Neil, and The Doors all WALKED BY this place!"  

- My theory is that Lala, who's "too good for commercial" planes, freaked out about the flight and either drives up, or gets on Mystery Date's private jet. That or yeah, this is her last stand.

3 hours ago, ghoulina said:

I was wondering about that as well. It seems crazy to me that places in California just wouldn't have central air. I've lived a lot of places. In Oregon it's very common not to have central air. Summer can be hot, but it's short. I live in the midwest now and a lot of older houses don't have central air either. My husband had to install a brand new system when we bought our house (that's what he does for a living, thankfully). But when I lived in FL and southern GA - everywhere had central air. I lived in some SHITTY apartments, places that I rented for around $350/month and were one step up from a hovel. But they all had central air. It's just weird, to me, that such a hot locale wouldn't have AC in every building. 

As MattDuffysCat noted, a lot of Northern California places don't have central air because it's only needed like one or two days a year. (And that's when all the fans, which otherwise sit forlornly on the summer aisles of Target, all get sold, LOL). And along the central coast, central air="open the window" because the air current off the ocean will come in. ;)

[Trace]

I lived in San Diego for years and there was no need for either a/c or heat.  Perfect weather all the time.  The only time it was hot (or what they called hot - being from the humid south it was nothing to me), was when the Santa Ana winds blew through.  But even then, no humidity. There was no winter.  A couple extra blankets at night would suffice.  Gawd I miss that place!!!!

[Misslindsey]

I do not think I would really use or even display a tea/hand towel with someone else's wedding date on it. That is just my opinion. Maybe if they were a close relative, but even then it really isn't my style. 

[Sun-Bun]

17 minutes ago, Misslindsey said:

I do not think I would really use or even display a tea/hand towel with someone else's wedding date on it. That is just my opinion. Maybe if they were a close relative, but even then it really isn't my style. 

THANK YOU. What a complete waste of money, not to mention how the idea of it comes off as rather tacky and tasteless---it just reeks of desperation to appear classy and refined to me, like new money try-hard. Which is hilarious when one realizes that this is a couple that has Bubba graffiti art hanging in their Urban Outfitters-style apartment. 

Just saying, if I had a dollar for every cheesy wedding trinket/personalized couples crap I've gotten over the years that promptly went straight to my junk drawer unused, well, I could comfortably pay some necessary bills here.

Damned shame that Schwartz didn't have the balls to put the kibosh on Katie's ridiculously pointless overspending---I completely agree with his aversion to the waste of a big stupid wedding. Wish Princess Katie weren't such a bitchy bridezilla idiot; I'd much rather have watched a relaxed and far more low-expense destination wedding((hello, beach weddings are a blast!)) than the typical goofy nouveau riche mess we'll end up treated to instead. But I'm sure her cheetah spots tattoo will look extra classy with her overpriced wedding gown. I just hope they included more of that elegantly refined Bubba graffiti art at the reception!

Edited December 27, 2016 by Sun-Bun

[Jennifersdc]

58 minutes ago, itainttippithebird said:

If it truly is strictly between the two, the only options are an Irish "rock n roll pub", a tiki lounge, and a deli, according to my quick perusal of google maps. Yikes.

Well - his hot NYE gig is at a Mexican restaurant in Dallas - so Deli is a strong possibility!

[ScoobieDoobs]

Well, I guess I can sorta see the point of the tea towels as a unique presentation.  As a keepsake?  No.  Just no.  I can get my own towel (uh, rag) for a buck or 2 & I'd rather it have nothing printed on it.  Lisa said it's different.  Sure, but not in a way that's worth 18 bucks a throw.  And almost 3 thou in total for this bullshit?  Sheesh, did Bravo give Katie an unlimited budget?

I can't rip too much on James' girl -- but she is a pageant girl, so she's gotta be used to being judged.  Something is just off about her.  Her hair & body look good.  But her voice & the way she speaks & something about her face is not a good fit for TV.

Other observations in this ep?  James in a stringy tank is really ew, ick, yuck & gross.  Make it stop, producers!  Jax's surgeon is handsome. But in that LA created-handsome kinda way.  Meh.  And Nikolai has THE best haircut I've seen on this show EVER!!!!  Take note, FI -- cuz I've had quite enough of your crappy hairdos.  Oh, didn't Nikolai make more sense than ANY of the vast array of idiot therapists we've seen on the show?

Edited December 27, 2016 by ScoobieDoobs

[zoeysmom]

Who would have guessed James' Godfather was George Michael:  http://www.bravotv.com/the-daily-dish/george-michael-dies-at-53-celebrities-react-twitter-instagram  RIP George Michael.

[Princess Sparkle]

12 hours ago, Petunia13 said:

What nationality or heritage is Stasi? That's an unusual name and she has unique features

I know she's talked about being descended from Swedish royalty, but I'm pretty sure she's Russian - "Stassi" is short for Nastassia (she says her real name in the first season when she's checking into a hotel).  

[HunterHunted]

52 minutes ago, zoeysmom said:

Who would have guessed James' Godfather was George Michael:  http://www.bravotv.com/the-daily-dish/george-michael-dies-at-53-celebrities-react-twitter-instagram  RIP George Michael.

We found out last season that James' dad was George Michael's first manager and maybe cousin too. It's hard for me to take a tribute seriously when it's posted by White Kanye.

I think the tea towels might have been cheaper if Katie had them made at a t-shirt place. Still dumb.

Supplements have the potential to be incredibly dangerous because the industry is basically unregulated. Who knows what's in the ones Jax takes.

Ariana has had botox. Her eyebrow furrow is gone.

Nikolai has always been smarter and more together than nearly every castmember on this show.