Jill, Derick & the Kids: Moving On!!

[JoanArc]

Quote

I'm amused by the conversation about states that don't allow people to pump their own gas.  I've lived in Oregon since before I learned to drive, and I've never pumped my own gas.

I have an electric car. I forgot what a chore getting gas can be!

2 hours ago, GeeGolly said:

On another note, Derick's mom Cathy is a dressed up, toned down version of JillR.

Thank you! This describes her perfectly. Everything was about her first husbands death, to the point of warping Derick.

[Minivanessa]

1 hour ago, JoanArc said:

I have an electric car. I forgot what a chore getting gas can be!

Thank you! This describes her perfectly. Everything was about her first husbands death, to the point of warping Derick.

She must have worked hard to warp him about his father's death. Derick was 19 years old and I think already in college in Oklahoma when Rick Dillard died. 

[GeeGolly]

1 hour ago, JoanArc said:

I have an electric car. I forgot what a chore getting gas can be!

Thank you! This describes her perfectly. Everything was about her first husbands death, to the point of warping Derick.

Cathy, much like JillR, has a way of making everything about herself. Being adopted, losing her husband and having cancer are all significant life events. And any of the three could actually be internalized as trauma for some, but Cathy seems to carry them to infinity and beyond.

It took me a while to see it and I was actually aghast that Jill and Derick set a wedding date while she was being treated for cancer, but then I began to wonder about Cathy herself. Was she exaggerating her level of illness? Or was it hard for Derick and his brother to actually know, because Cathy has always been a low key martyr?

I would think nothing about the way they continue to honor Mr Dillard, but it fits into a pattern.

And then Izzy's birth. As far as Cathy was concerned, Izzy was put on this earth to give her blood relations beyond her sons.

Like I said above all these life events are significant and there's no wrong way to navigate them, but with Cathy, again, there's a pattern. 

Kind of like with JillR, IRL the birth of a first grandchild is a big deal and according to my mother, even more of a big deal when a daughter gives birth. But because of JillR's patterns, we see how she takes it to another level, to make it about herself.

[GeeGolly]

2 hours ago, lascuba said:

To put it more bluntly, I don't care about the financial security of bigots. And ensuring ones children are functionally literate is such a low bar that I give no one credit for that.

I've wondered about this for a while. As a cancer survivor, I don't compare my treatment or how I handled things with others because, relatively speaking, I had a fairly "easy" time of it compared to all the cancer treatment horror stories out there. I'm also not at all spiritual and I don't like attention, so I'm not into the "inspirational" side of having cancer in public, so to speak. Cathy, though? I wonder if her illness was truly that bad or if just the word "cancer" was enough to get her and everyone around here constantly seeing death over her shoulder (which I get because a cancer diagnosis is scary). Being on tv no doubt exacerbated things even more, because even if Cathy wasn't that ill and was chill about the whole thing, TLC would insist on dramatizing for the cameras. But, yes, setting the wedding date when they did, and Cathy self-publishing that book about having cancer and insisting she would be dead without Jesus because her prognosis was so grim? 

Like you said, it's a pattern with her. We all go through various things in life. Some people are just much more dramatic about it than others.

The whole TV thing was a big red flag to me. Derick and Jill weren't even married yet. I'm not even sure if they were engaged. No way, no how, would most folks I know allow their treatment to become a superficial storyline in a TV show. Most would be focusing on staying alive and nothing else.

I remember the first time my son was really sick. Short of the basics of living life and making sure my other kid had a 'normal time' nothing else mattered. I imagine I would feel the same way if I was fighting for my own life.

 

Edited September 28, 2021 by GeeGolly

[Suzn]

1 hour ago, lascuba said:

To put it more bluntly, I don't care about the financial security of bigots. And ensuring ones children are functionally literate is such a low bar that I give no one credit for that.

I wish I could like this a thousand times!  Because Jill and Derick are appearing more mainstream, they get so much credit and praise.  No matter what they are showing in their performances, they are the same people they've always been.

[Ohiopirate02]

3 minutes ago, Suzn said:

I wish I could like this a thousand times!  Because Jill and Derick are appearing more mainstream, they get so much credit and praise.  No matter what they are showing in their performances, they are the same people they've always been.

I think that the snarkers are so desperate for one of the Duggar daughters to break free as it were that we overlook the fact whatever changes we have seen in Jill or Jinger have been superficial.  We just want one of the 18 to do something that will make JB's head explode so every time Jill or Jinger flashes a knee we think it pushes the needle a bit when in reality they are pretty much the same as before (Jill's much needed therapy aside).  I don't think it's an accident that the two biggest threads here are the Jill and Jinger threads.  Jill's thread has twice the number of posts than Jessa's and they were created at roughly the same time.  Jessa is firmly in the conservative Christian camp and is never leaving.  There is only so much there for us to comment on.  Of course, a lot of posts on the Jinger thread are because she married an absolute douche.  

[Westiepeach]

I totally forgot about/blocked it from my brain/ Cathy’s book on how Jesus saved her from cancer because he loved her the most. Sorry.

[JoanArc]

Quote

She must have worked hard to warp him about his father's death. Derick was 19 years old and I think already in college in Oklahoma when Rick Dillard died. 

You think that stopped her? Look at how she dealt with it, and still brought it up on her son's reality to show. Wasn't he 18, too?

[SMama]

Looks like Jill slowed down her vacation video posting. 

[Temperance]

Cathy's cancer was very real and scary. She had Hodgkin's Lymphoma, and was saved by an experimental treatment. I can honestly say it's always scary when you know the person will live (experience talking).

It is my opinion that yes her diagnosis made her scared to die and she was eager and anxious to see one of her children married and have a grandchild. I don't know if I can blame her entirely for that, since Derick seemed willing to wed. 

As for self-centered, she seems way less in love with herself than Mechelle and JB, but that's a low bar.

[GeeGolly]

5 hours ago, Temperance said:

Cathy's cancer was very real and scary. She had Hodgkin's Lymphoma, and was saved by an experimental treatment. I can honestly say it's always scary when you know the person will live (experience talking).

It is my opinion that yes her diagnosis made her scared to die and she was eager and anxious to see one of her children married and have a grandchild. I don't know if I can blame her entirely for that, since Derick seemed willing to wed. 

As for self-centered, she seems way less in love with herself than Mechelle and JB, but that's a low bar.

I agree. My dad had two different cancers decades a part. Very scary times for him, my mom and us kids. My son has a chronic illness, that will most likely contribute to an earlier death. But IRL, well at least in my experience, most share their health issues on a need to know basis.

To me Cathy's behaviors felt a lot like attention grabbers. At one point TLC was even going to feature an adoption story about her. Jill and Cathy were promoting it on SM. It never materialized after some online sleuths brought out that Cathy was lying and already knew the facts of her adoption even though she and Jill made it seem Cathy was flying blind.

And then there's Cathy's book. My dad would never have considered writing a book promoting his specialness for beating cancer twice. Because there was nothing special about it. He was lucky that years of science produced treatments, and his body responded positively to them. They're are plenty of folks who aren't that lucky, but that doesn't mean they didn't pray hard enough, or God thought them unworthy. 

Having cancer and beating it, is both awful and wonderful as the millions of folks who have lived through it know. Cathy is just one of those lucky millions.

 

[lascuba]

1 hour ago, GeeGolly said:

 

To me Cathy's behaviors felt a lot like attention grabbers. At one point TLC was even going to feature an adoption story about her. Jill and Cathy were promoting it on SM. It never materialized after some online sleuths brought out that Cathy was lying and already knew the facts of her adoption even though she and Jill made it seem Cathy was flying blind.

 

 

I had completely forgotten about that! Jill and Cathy were all over sm promoting it, and hadn't Cathy, at that point, already spoken about tracking down her birth mother and being upset that she wasn't interested in meeting Cathy? It became a big part of her motivation for fundamentalism, iirc. "My birth mother would have aborted me if she could have!"

I don't know if fundamentalism encourages over-dramatizing ones life or if those prone to it are drawn to fundamentalism, but Cathy's behavior doesn't seem that different from any one of the Duggar kids talking about how sinful they were at four and how Jesus saved them from that, because they want to have a compelling story to tell. Except Cathy actually has some life experiences that fit neatly into popular culture's favorite narratives, so she gets a lot of external validation and she ramps it up even more.

 

[BetyBee]

8 hours ago, Temperance said:

Cathy's cancer was very real and scary. She had Hodgkin's Lymphoma, and was saved by an experimental treatment. I can honestly say it's always scary when you know the person will live (experience talking).

It is my opinion that yes her diagnosis made her scared to die and she was eager and anxious to see one of her children married and have a grandchild. I don't know if I can blame her entirely for that, since Derick seemed willing to wed. 

As for self-centered, she seems way less in love with herself than Mechelle and JB, but that's a low bar.

I agree. I can't fault her for telling her story. She's had two very big deals that shaped her adult life and I would guess that being adopted was a big deal to her too. I don't go along with her ideal of spanking her children or some of her other beliefs. She was very frail at J&D's wedding. I don't know that she needed to write a book. I had a friend who wrote a religious book about her battle with breast cancer. I think it was cathartic for my friend to write the book.  Unfortunately, she passed away shortly after her book was written. If I had to guess, I'd say that Cathy is grateful for every day of life and especially grateful to live to see her grandchildren when she probably didn't expect that. I know many women like Cathy. I don't especially like her, but I don't despise her either. And I believe that I understand some of her actions. 

[Lady Whistleup]

Derick's lost a lot of weight. I think failing the bar must have stressed him out.

[cereality]

12 hours ago, Lady Whistleup said:

Derick's lost a lot of weight. I think failing the bar must have stressed him out.

I can't tell if he's lost weight but he 100% must be stressed. Along with failing the bar it's very likely he lost any job he had lined up too. Many (most) legal employers aren't super forgiving about that; they're not going to let someone on board (which at the latest happens in the last week of Sept/first wk of Oct) knowing they've failed the bar. If you're lucky, they'll "hold" the job for you for when you pass the next one in February 2022. But these days most employers don't even care that much. They'll tell you "good luck to you. Once you pass the bar, feel free to reach out and we can see if we have any openings then [and then you can go thru the whole interview process and maybe get an offer or not]." I mean maybe he has some super generous employer who will let him start working - and his start date is next week so we don't know it - PLUS take it easy on him work-wise so he can focus on studying. While that used to be common 15-20+ years ago, it's not now.

It's also possible he had no job lined up. IDK that Arkansas is the type of school where 99% of people graduate with a job offer in hand but I doubt it. In that case, you job search starting in late July/mid August (after his bar trip) after you've taken the bar and you can honestly say you took the bar but don't know the results yet. BUT if you don't land a job or are still in an interview phase when the bar results come out, 100% interviewers will ask - you passed right, and you can't lie bc it'll take them 2 seconds to check the publicly available list.

So yeah he's kind of screwed and unlike many law students he's not 25 and single and can just live with roommates or move in with mom and dad. He's got a wife and kids and sure it seems like they have some money which enabled them to buy the house etc, IDK if the house has a mortgage, there are bills like car insurance, utilities etc. and the kids need to eat. So yeah good luck Derick. Maybe start hitting the books 40-50 hrs/wk. I know it's 5 months away which may be too far out, but for someone who didn't pass the first time - certainly by 3 months out ~Nov 22, start studying full time. And since that falls right at Thanksgiving and then there's the whole celebrate Jesus daily around Christmas which Jill will frown upon cutting back, maybe start a few weeks early - knowing you'll take time off for Thanksgiving and your Christmas studying will be Jill sitting next to you wrapping presents.

[Dehumidifier]

They should put the little one in nursery school, Jill should get a job in Walmart and Derek should spend the quiet day hours studying. A few hours together at the end of the daytime and Derek can do Door Dash at night while she gets the kids to bed.

[StaceyNotStacie]

5 hours ago, Dehumidifier said:

They should put the little one in nursery school, Jill should get a job in Walmart and Derek should spend the quiet day hours studying. A few hours together at the end of the daytime and Derek can do Door Dash at night while she gets the kids to bed.

While in theory this would be a good idea, I can only imagine the news articles about a Duggar daughter working at Walmart along with fans or gawkers showing up at the store to get a view of her working. 

[YupItsMe]

Or Derek could just go to the library for a few hours each day if he needs a quiet place to study.

[CalicoKitty]

Question, since I do not know how he bar works.  Do you know the content of the parts that you missed so you can make sure to study and learn those parts, or is it just "you failed".

[Rootbeer]

1 hour ago, CalicoKitty said:

Question, since I do not know how he bar works.  Do you know the content of the parts that you missed so you can make sure to study and learn those parts, or is it just "you failed".

I know that the Arkansas bar exam has 3 parts to it.  The exam is in accordance with the National Conference of Bar Examiners who developed the test.  Parts are multiple choice, parts are essay. Everyone who takes the exam receives their results broken down into scores for the 3 parts of the exam..  Each section counts for a percentage of the final score; but it is the cumulative total that determines pass or fail.

From what I can see at Arkansas' site; the exam scores are not transferrable from one exam to the next, so anyone who fails has to take the entire exam again even if they got a top score in one of the areas.

The Bar association does have old bar exams on their site as well as the correct answers and it appears they encourage those who don't pass to look at their exams in order to develop a strategy to study for the next time.  So, once the initial shock is over, Derick should be able to sit down and go through the questions and figure out what areas he specifically needs to work on.

[Dehumidifier]

2 hours ago, Stacey1014 said:

While in theory this would be a good idea, I can only imagine the news articles about a Duggar daughter working at Walmart along with fans or gawkers showing up at the store to get a view of her working. 

Gawkers = customers. 

[Absolom]

You can get a copy of the essay questions and your answers and also what are considered good/acceptable answers to see where falling short on essay questions in most states and it appears AR is one that does that.  The multiple choice or multi-state as it's called, you only get a score.  

As long as it's a one thing type miss such as low on multi-state or one kind of essay it's fairly easy to overcome especially if the person gets a bit of help.  The other rather easy fix is if the person barely missed the cut off.  One woman who worked for me was steadily low across the board (went to a low rent for profit law school) and didn't pass in four tries.  I have to admit in the work I saw her do she wasn't all that bright or organized in her writing.  In other words, we barely noticed when she left.  I didn't even bother replacing her.  

My opinion based solely on their instagram accounts, is that Derick didn't put in the effort required.  He needs a solid four hours every morning and afternoon at least 5 days a week, possibly to retake his prep class or try a different one, and do that either in the morning or afternoon, and then put in another couple hours after dinner.  He needs that kind of effort for a solid two to three months or a bit more to do well on the bar.  Since it will be the second try I think he should put three to four months into the prep unless it was nerves and he barely missed passing.  

Edited September 30, 2021 by Absolom

[cereality]

Lawyer here - IDK but I don't think Derick is one of the ones who failed because he didn't have mastery of one section like Evidence or Constitutional Law or something. First of all it's really hard to know that any way. You get a pass/fail, not an analysis of what you did right and wrong. There's no way that 3 months after the fact anyone is going to recall the precise questions that they had trouble on or the precise answers/what answers they picked. I mean I couldn't have told you that when I left the convention center where I took the bar exam (or after any other law school exam either) - it's like I was so focused and in the zone at the moment that if an hour later someone said (as competitive law students are apt to do) hey for that question on rule against perpetuities, I was more apt to be like - wait there was a question on that?? Not because I was being coy but I legit could not remember after the fact due to the hyper focus in the exam.

I just don't see Derick as the type who didn't master 1-2 topics, as much as I see him as someone who was overconfident on ALL the topics. Like I can see him lesuirely studying all the topics evenly - rather than focusing more of his time on areas he found more difficult; or frankly even skipping the areas he found more difficult (which you do to an extent in bar study but VERY calculated. From Barbri if you know that on avg the test asks 1 multiple choice question on x but 25 on Contracts and you can't get x for the life of you, towards the end of your prep time, you let go of x and make sure you know Contracts forward and backwards). But I can see him using that skipping approach on topics where he knew 10 questions would be asked not just 1.

And we've seen his leisurely studying from his exams. I mean it clearly just didn't work for him to study for 1 hr, then have Jill in his office chatting and eating breakfast while he studied for the next hr; then running out to the chiropractor; then 45 min more of studying; then lunch, take out the trash, train the dog; then 2 more hrs of studying oh but with Jill literally sitting over you so her crotch is behind your head and she's massaging your shoulders; and oh then family time. Like WTH this is law school, not 6th grade!? If that's the effort and focus that went into the bar, I'm not at all surprised. It needs to be a 40-50 hour job IN THE LIBRARY where there is nothing to do but study. If he wants family time and/or Jill complains that he's not spending time with her and the boys, fine his choice to then do that 40-50 hrs in 4 days working 10-13 hrs/day and then 3 whole days with his family.

He has 4.75 months. That's typically more time than you need esp if you're doing Barbri - usually people study ~2.5 months from mid May law school graduation until end of July bar. But honestly if I were him I'd be terrified of failing again and just start now. We all know that there will be a week off for Thanksgiving + the wk before Christmas + Christmas/NY week, so really he has 4 months. He's proven 2.5 wasn't enough for him, take the 4 months Derick.

[cereality]

15 hours ago, Dehumidifier said:

They should put the little one in nursery school, Jill should get a job in Walmart and Derek should spend the quiet day hours studying. A few hours together at the end of the daytime and Derek can do Door Dash at night while she gets the kids to bed.

Exactly. Every employer in America is hiring. Jill can get a job even with her dining room table education right now. If she's worried about being spotted, there's lots of ways around that. Maybe don't work at the only Walmart in town. Work for a smaller specialty retailer. Are there tons of Duggar fans routinely coming into your local appliance store or hardware store or warehouse that specializes in lighting fixtures or furniture or countertops? Ask the specialty retailer whether you can have a job that isn't in the front of the house. Right now they need people for everything including stocking shelves to scanning products into inventory. And it's a pandemic still, mask up.

Though to be clear I don't think it's Jill's issue at all that Derick failed. He's a grown man who has gone to college and law school. He knew what he needed to do to study and he just didn't. But I do think she 100% cannot entertain herself even still and if he's home, she does feel like it's fine to go sit in his office and eat breakfast or go sit next to him on the couch because after all, he's just reading. AND when she does this, it's not like she is also reading something challenging and she simply wants to sit there but not be interrupted. She's eating her bagel looking around the room and then of course the chit chat begins and there's the distracted studying. This isn't like doing homework where you can talk but as long as you solve the problems, you're done. This is studying like understanding logic and reasoning and committing things to memory, which is hard to do if you're chatting.

But again he's a grown man, if he knew he couldn't concentrate at home -- he could've been at the library full time. If he opts to study for round 2 at home, he needs to be very clear with Jill and the kids - when his office door is shut, he is studying. No one is to come interrupt him for anything unless it's an actual emergency. If he misses a meal, eat without him and he'll grab something when he next has a break. Do they watch TV? He also needs to get Jill hooked on a book - even a kids series like Babysitters Club that she could read over months - and/or a TV show/soap opera to occupy her downtime.

 

[Ohiopirate02]

9 hours ago, cereality said:

But again he's a grown man, if he knew he couldn't concentrate at home -- he could've been at the library full time. If he opts to study for round 2 at home, he needs to be very clear with Jill and the kids - when his office door is shut, he is studying. No one is to come interrupt him for anything unless it's an actual emergency. If he misses a meal, eat without him and he'll grab something when he next has a break. Do they watch TV? He also needs to get Jill hooked on a book - even a kids series like Babysitters Club that she could read over months - and/or a TV show/soap opera to occupy her downtime.

 

I will defend Derick a bit here.  Libraries in the time of Covid are different animals.  We have occupancy limits and then limit the amount of time a single person can be in the library.  Derick most likely did not have the option of spending 8 hours a day studying in the library.  He would have been lucky to get 3 hours in most public libraries.  And academic libraries are not allowing people who are not current students or faculty to even step in the building.  I just looked up and the law library at UA has been doing reservations for studying.  I cannot tell if alumni can even make a reservation to study there.  

[GeeGolly]

Where there's the will, there's the way. I'm not saying the LICSW exam is as hard as the bar, but the pass/fail rate is about the same. When I sat for mine I was a married mom, with a full time job. I studied all different ways. At home after everyone was in bed. On weekends I'd meet a friend who was also studying, at a park. On a few things I got hung up on, I made flash cards and would study in waiting rooms. I carried a pocket sized DSM with me and would pull it out whenever I could. But most of my studying was done on evenings and weekends. 

I was fairly confident I would pass, but I knew too many folks who didn't, to be cocky about it. After actually taking the test I'm 100% sure I would not have passed without studying.

As has been discussed before, Derick seems like the kind of dude who finds school easy and comfortable. With something like the bar, that can work against you. I think he felt the bar was going to be easy and comfortable to him, and found out he was wrong. He might find it easy to absorb narrow topics but find it harder to absorb and retain wide ranging information.

Edited October 1, 2021 by GeeGolly

[Rootbeer]

2 hours ago, Ohiopirate02 said:

I will defend Derick a bit here.  Libraries in the time of Covid are different animals.  We have occupancy limits and then limit the amount of time a single person can be in the library.  Derick most likely did not have the option of spending 8 hours a day studying in the library.  He would have been lucky to get 3 hours in most public libraries.  And academic libraries are not allowing people who are not current students or faculty to even step in the building.  I just looked up and the law library at UA has been doing reservations for studying.  I cannot tell if alumni can even make a reservation to study there.  

If Derick is unable to find a library where he can sit and study as needed, then, he and Jill need to work out a strategy where she and the kids will clear out of the house for 8 hours every day, no exceptions, to give him uninterrupted study time.

I never took a bar exam, and medical licensure boards are mostly multiple guess and, if you've been paying any attention at all in med school and residency; they are not terribly difficult to pass with much less studying that described for the bar.

However, in medical school. during the first 15 months which were 100% didactic classroom work, we had exams every 6 weeks and there was a minimum passing score overall for the various areas as well as a cumulative pass.  We got 4 days out of class to study prior to the exams which were an 8 hour block on a Friday.  This doesn't count the 4-5 hours of daily study needed just to keep your head above water in order to have some hope of passing the eventual exams.  Starting on the Saturday before the exam, EVERYONE (at least those of us who wanted to pass) was studying literally 12-16 hours a day, every day.  And, I mean intense studying.  

I lived with a room mate who was a year ahead of me in med school, she had a boyfriend who spent a fair amount of time in the apartment because he lived with his parents.  I would close myself up in the bedroom to study and I discovered that, due to the anxiety, the very detailed and involved subject matter as well as my own distractibility; I was unable to tolerate even minimal noise, like the sound of them quietly talking or watching TV in the living room.  Forget about it if they decided to make a meal or take a shower.  After the first exam, I realized I was going to have to bite the bullet and spend all my study time at the med school.  And so, I did.  Derick needs to realize the same and do whatever he has to do to get the studying done so he can pass the bar.  

Derick needs to study like his life depends on it, because it does.

[lascuba]

I think Jill still deeply believes that her parents' marriage is ideal, and living up to that ideal means spending most of her time with Derick. If Derick has to work outside of the home (something she complained about early in her marriage), then she's going to be on top of him whenever he's home, no matter what he's doing. I had assumed at first that the video of a typical day for them was just a fabrication for the cameras, because of course a law student isn't going to spend so few consecutive hours studying, right? But now I really think that if they spend too many hours apart, Jill starts freaking out that they'll end up having major problems if she doesn't nip in the bud immediately. I imagine that overall, Derick likes having Jill fawn over him, and because he's always been good in school, he underestimated just how much studying he'd have to do for the bar. I wonder how it would go if he sat her down and explained that he needed to study like it was a full time job--a REAL full time job--meaning she can't interrupt him every 5 minutes.

[MargeGunderson]

Derick would be well served to figure out how to balance his work and family time. There are some types of law practice that are 9-5, but they are the minority. The lawyers at the pharmaceutical company I work at have crazy hours and workloads. I don’t think Derick is going into a practice that is like that, but most lawyers don’t have strict 9-5 jobs.

[libgirl2]

3 hours ago, Ohiopirate02 said:

I will defend Derick a bit here.  Libraries in the time of Covid are different animals.  We have occupancy limits and then limit the amount of time a single person can be in the library.  Derick most likely did not have the option of spending 8 hours a day studying in the library.  He would have been lucky to get 3 hours in most public libraries.  And academic libraries are not allowing people who are not current students or faculty to even step in the building.  I just looked up and the law library at UA has been doing reservations for studying.  I cannot tell if alumni can even make a reservation to study there.  

We opened up to the public late July 2020. We had no patron time limits but we did have an occupation limit which we never hit. The only thing we had for several months was a policy that we were open as a come in and browse, get your materials and leave. Our study rooms were closed, all our tables and chairs were put away. After about a couple of months, we put back the seating. We are a public library so I know its a whole different animal to an academic. 

37 minutes ago, Rootbeer said:

If Derick is unable to find a library where he can sit and study as needed, then, he and Jill need to work out a strategy where she and the kids will clear out of the house for 8 hours every day, no exceptions, to give him uninterrupted study time.

 

 

 

There had to be somewhere he could go! 

[BigBingerBro]

I was going to say, even when and if he passes the bar and gets a job, it's most likely going to be long hours and somewhat stressfull.  Jill needs to get over the clingy-wife thing sooner than later.  Hopefully she's still going to therapy and working on this.

[cereality]

I understand what people are saying about Covid but let's be real, this is Arkansas, I don't think the state had the same covid measures as the northeast and certainly not from May-July 2021 when things were looking pretty good and restrictions were lifted everywhere as the vaccine rolled out and Delta hadn't spread yet. 

But even if there WERE restrictions in Arkansas, reality is law schools are VERY concerned about their students passing the bar, not because they care but because it is a reportable stat which directly affects law school rankings. So if in May of his 3L year, he had said to the Library or the Dean of Students office - I'm planning my bar studying but thing is I have a wife and 2 little kids and don't have the appropriate study set up at home, 100% guarantee the school would have reserved a library study room for him 40 hrs/wk. Or if they had some capacity restriction and couldn't, they'd give him a classroom for his use or reserved him a room in another library or academic building on campus. This is a large university which is largely empty starting in May once the undergraduate year ends; if there are too many law students around in the law library bc they're all studying for the bar, they can spread them out across campus. Certainly they would not say no to helping him out if he had said I NEED SOMEPLACE TO STUDY.

But that would have required some self awareness from him, which he didn't have, bc as people say he's always easily been a solid B student in school so he figured he'd comfortably pass the bar too. But as @Rootbeer describes med school exams - this is like that; there is no comfortable studying, it is 12 hrs/day of intense no distractions studying to pass.

I do agree with whoever above that said that Jill gets this from her parents and family. She has NEVER been in a household where a man leaves 40 hrs/wk for work. I mean JB was probably gone a few hrs/wk if that checking on rental properties; and now she's sees all of her married brothers and BILs basically home all the time except the few hours/wk they have a manual labor job for dad; are preaching someplace (though the wives usually go with); get a text and need to show up at the car lot for 15 min to show a car; or are flying to some small city an hr away (JD). I think when she saw Derick leave at 8 am daily for his 6 months at Walmart, just the concept was upsetting to her.

She's further along than that now, as he went to law school full time and she dealt with it, but in her mind in order for their marriage to be good, they STILL have to be together AS MUCH AS POSSIBLE, which I think means if he's home they MUST be together. Even if that means he's studying, she at least must sit on the couch with him or sit across from his desk looking at him. And having never studied before, she doesn't understand things like intense studying vs. casually doing busy work while chatting.

But this is on Derick here. He either needs to get her used to the idea that it's fine to be home and doing their own thing esp now since he has to study from home. Or if he can't get her used to that - then leave the house as he used to for law school and will be soon for work. I honestly don't think she's as bothered by him being gone as she used to be. I think she even likes it - making her Youtube videos; doing housework; gardening; etc. I think she probably secretly likes that downtime but then when he comes back she feels she MUST smother him with constant attention in order to be a good wife/have a good marriage. And I think Derick loves the doting wife following him around. 

[SMama]

Derick can go to Cathy’s to study. I’m a SAHM (by necessity not part of original plan) and since we returned home from China SGirl and I have had plenty to keep busy. Mommy and me swimming, “gymnastics”, music , our daily 5 mile walks (I miss the stroller days), then we ended at the Turtle Bay Aquarium, and exploring different parks. Jill has two kids and is allegedly homeschooling Sam. She has plenty to keep her busy. 
 

Once SGirl started kindergarten I volunteered at school and with DV organizations. There is so much to do every day. Derick should encourage Jill to take an Online community college class(es), she really needs a lot of remedial classes. That should keep her busy.  

[BigBingerBro]

2 minutes ago, SMama said:

Derick should encourage Jill to take an Online community college class(es), she really needs a lot of remedial classes. That should keep her busy.  

I completely agree with this, but I think it would cause more of a disturbance to Deertick.   Imagine all the "How do I do this??", "Can you help me??", "Let's study together". that would go on?

[BitterApple]

I'll give Jill the benefit of the doubt. I think Derick (presumably) failing the bar had more to do with him overestimating his abilities rather than Jill distracting him from his studies.

[emmawoodhouse]

14 minutes ago, BitterApple said:

I'll give Jill the benefit of the doubt. I think Derick (presumably) failing the bar had more to do with him overestimating his abilities rather than Jill distracting him from his studies.

I agree. Derelict has seemingly whizzed through school without incident and a high enough GPA to get him into law school. Law school apparently came easily as well. I totally believe he underestimated the rigors of the bar. 

[Zella]

2 hours ago, cereality said:

I understand what people are saying about Covid but let's be real, this is Arkansas, I don't think the state had the same covid measures as the northeast and certainly not from May-July 2021

It depends on the individual organization. Just because the state isn't doing something statewide doesn't mean it is a free-for-all everywhere. The Arkansas library I work at maintained COVID restrictions during that time and still does. He would not be allowed to stay longer than 2 hours, then or now, and we have restrictions on numbers of people at any given time, so that 2 hours is not guaranteed. 

Edited October 1, 2021 by Zella

[Zella]

1 hour ago, BitterApple said:

I'll give Jill the benefit of the doubt. I think Derick (presumably) failing the bar had more to do with him overestimating his abilities rather than Jill distracting him from his studies.

Agreed. He's an adult who made his way through both an undergraduate program and law school. He should know his study habits by now. There are study solutions that don't involve leaving the house. (I personally never could study at libraries or coffee shops. I get too distracted.) I needed to be home to get anything done, and I was a big fan of studying at night when I was living at home and going to college because I lived with a bunch of early birds, and Dracula and I keep similar schedules when left to my own devices. But if he's a morning person, he could get up earlier than the rest of the house if staying up later is unworkable. Or he could split the difference and do smaller sessions of both. 

But if she's so disruptive and clingy that he can't get anything done at home, that's a problem that's going to follow him past the bar exam. 

Edited October 1, 2021 by Zella

[CalicoKitty]

I'm curious to see what Derick's  next venture will be.  He seems to quickly move on to something else when his plans go awry.  What degree will he get next?  Maybe medical school?  I will not be surprised if he does not take the bar again.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[cereality]

Lol definitely NOT medical school. He could make it thru law school but not med - and I say that as a lawyer myself. He can't pass the bar which is ONE test. IDK how he passes the first 2 years of medical school where they have to pass exams every 6 weeks. Law school has finals at the end of every semester but it's just not the frequency of tests that they have in med school. Not to mention I assume his undergrad major was accounting. Who is going to pay for him to go back to college for at least 2 years to get all the science requirements + how is he going to study for the MCAT with Jilly sitting over him massaging his shoulders + what happens if the only med school he gets into is in Ohio or Florida, would they move??

I do agree though that he may not work in law. I assume he'll take the bar again - if he doesn't pass, career is over anyway. If he does pass, I can see him picking up some job at the Law Office of Joe Schmoe and doing some random small practice law for 1-2 years and then getting bored of it and moving on. IDK what he moves on to at the point but I assume it'd be a more general business or non profit type job and he'd just hold his law degree as a graduate degree, rather than using it as a practicing lawyer. I could see him ending up as an insurance broker or working for some non profit that aligns with his values or working for a university in an administrative type job (like the 1000s of roles they have for people working in everything from the registrar's office to the Dean of Students Office doing god knows what). Incidentally his brother has held each of these types of jobs.

[Insert Username]

For those wondering how he paid for law school, I may have solved the mystery. In most Division 1 schools, the mascot gets a full scholarship, including Oklahoma State. So he may have had the money his parents set aside/from his father’s death for further education

[Rootbeer]

On 10/1/2021 at 3:57 PM, BitterApple said:

I'll give Jill the benefit of the doubt. I think Derick (presumably) failing the bar had more to do with him overestimating his abilities rather than Jill distracting him from his studies.

Oh, absolutely.  Derick, like many of his in-laws, most likely suffers from the delusion that he is able to accomplish big things with less effort than the little people.  Hard work is for people who aren't as special as he is.

If they're lucky, both Derick and Jill have learned from this experience and he has developed a strategy to put in the work necessary to pass the exam next time around.

[iwantcookies]

He can always be a social media influencer. Did Jill stop posting on SM?

[ozziemom]

55 minutes ago, iwantcookies said:

He can always be a social media influencer. Did Jill stop posting on SM?

Jill seems to stop posting then after a bit, it’s a deluge. Like a separate video for every day of their 10 day road, yawn. They were asking for questions in advance of a Q& A, maybe too many questions about Dreck and the bar exam???

[Heathen]

On 10/1/2021 at 2:08 PM, libgirl2 said:

We opened up to the public late July 2020. We had no patron time limits but we did have an occupation limit which we never hit. The only thing we had for several months was a policy that we were open as a come in and browse, get your materials and leave. Our study rooms were closed, all our tables and chairs were put away. After about a couple of months, we put back the seating. We are a public library so I know its a whole different animal to an academic. 

There had to be somewhere he could go! 

My public library had and has occupancy and time limits. It's one hour, and they ask you to leave. This was and kind of still is a covid hotspot. 

Topic: I hope Derick gets his butt in gear. It must have been emotionally painful to flunk the bar exam, and to know that everybody knew he failed. 

[iwantcookies]

Local library has no time or occupancy limits. Before it was 2 hours and 18 people. 

[Temperance]

On 9/30/2021 at 2:58 PM, Stacey1014 said:

While in theory this would be a good idea, I can only imagine the news articles about a Duggar daughter working at Walmart along with fans or gawkers showing up at the store to get a view of her working. 

I doubt too many fans and gawkers would show up in Arkansas especially after the first week. This is Arkansas. These people know the Duggars and have seen around their whole lives, and most people not in Arkansas won't drive there to get photos of someone working at Walmart.

[Spazamanaz]

I just saw that Jill posted on Instagram that they were expecting their third child but she had miscarried. Titled " Well wanted to give you the early but you got heaven instead". River Bliss Dillard safe in the arms of Jesus. We love and miss you River Bliss.

[anyasmom]

Depending on the timeline, that could be why Derick didn't pass his bar exam.  That's a lot for a couple to go through.

[BitterApple]

I'm sorry to hear that. Did Jill give any indication as to how far along she was?