Jessa, Ben and Their Brood: Making a (Diaper) Mountain out of a Mold House

[ginger90]

The picture wasn’t taken by Jessa, she’s on the other side of the room. It’s from Ben’s parents Instagram.

[Madtown]

I'm hoping Spurg was praying to get the hell out of Dodge and that family.

[Lady Whistleup]

Serious question: do you think Jessa has anhedonia?

It doesn't seem like she enjoys much. Not her husband, not her own kids, not her family, not even food or movies or sports or anything else that might brighten up a day.

She was always like this too -- in 19 Kids and Counting she was the grim and efficient packer. 

She rarely smiles. If she does, the smile doesn't reach the eyes.

[awaken]

Maybe it’s depression?

[Zella]

I think it's just her natural personality combined with her upbringing. 

[emmawoodhouse]

37 minutes ago, Zella said:

I think it's just her natural personality combined with her upbringing. 

Agreed. She's just a sour person.

[GeeGolly]

23 minutes ago, emmawoodhouse said:

Agreed. She's just a sour person.

And I really don't think Jessa is unhappy. Not everyone is always 'on' - even on SM. With SM we get inundated with gaping smiles, oohs and ahhs over nothing and everyday life set to music, we forget that most folks are just keeping on, keeping on, and are very content.

[lovesnark]

On 6/4/2022 at 4:58 PM, Dimi1 said:

how do you do them Scandinavian? to last instead of poly ??

It's a three step finish process they apply to the sanded and filled floor. I don't know what it is, but the fumes are bad while it's going on so you have to bug out for three days while it's being applied. It's really durable, though. There are low traffic areas in my house that still look new after 31 years.

[lascuba]

14 hours ago, Lady Whistleup said:

Serious question: do you think Jessa has anhedonia?

It doesn't seem like she enjoys much. Not her husband, not her own kids, not her family, not even food or movies or sports or anything else that might brighten up a day.

She was always like this too -- in 19 Kids and Counting she was the grim and efficient packer. 

She rarely smiles. If she does, the smile doesn't reach the eyes.

Nah, I just think she's not a smiley, perky person and doesn't feel the need to pretend. It's like when tabloids post pictures of a celebrity couple in their car, pointing out how clearly unhappy they are, when in reality they're just sitting there with neutral faces, because normal people don't have perpetual smiles on for no reason.

One of the reasons I can rarely get into "influencers" even if they produce content that I would normally find interesting is because of the constant upbeat perkiness. There was one youtuber I really liked, who spoke in her normal tone of voice and didn't do any upspeak, and she once talked about how polls showed that perky people got a lot more views, regardless of the quality of their videos. I think we've generally become hardwired to prefer big, happy expressions, and when people see someone on a screen with a neutral expression, it feels off.

[lascuba]

I just realized that the perky/not-perky on screen thing is probably a big reason why I always preferred Jessa to Jill. 😁

[emmawoodhouse]

3 hours ago, lascuba said:

I just realized that the perky/not-perky on screen thing is probably a big reason why I always preferred Jessa to Jill. 😁

They were the extremes in the Duggar clan. Jill definitely bought into Gothard's dictum to "keep sweet." Jessa was sour (as I noted above), defensive, and unfriendly. I recall the episode when she got engaged and had to gather a dozen roses from complete strangers in a town square. Jinger had to really coax Jessa to get going. I think Jinger ended up getting some of the roses herself. 

[lascuba]

2 hours ago, emmawoodhouse said:

They were the extremes in the Duggar clan. Jill definitely bought into Gothard's dictum to "keep sweet." Jessa was sour (as I noted above), defensive, and unfriendly. I recall the episode when she got engaged and had to gather a dozen roses from complete strangers in a town square. Jinger had to really coax Jessa to get going. I think Jinger ended up getting some of the roses herself. 

To me Jessa looked extremely uncomfortable about approaching strangers, which was #765478 on the list of reasons why Ben was such a tool. He planned "a romantic engagement" and not something Jessa--a real life person he'd spent over a year getting to know  and not some generic girl he'd fantasized about--would like. 

[farmgal4]

6 minutes ago, lascuba said:

To me Jessa looked extremely uncomfortable about approaching strangers, which was #765478 on the list of reasons why Ben was such a tool. He planned "a romantic engagement" and not something Jessa--a real life person he'd spent over a year getting to know  and not some generic girl he'd fantasized about--would like. 

I think Ben has no idea how to effectively interact with and/or read people.  I’m shocked that he’s a pastor, because IMO he’s not a skilled “people person”.

[Albanyguy]

1 minute ago, farmgal4 said:

 I’m shocked that he’s a pastor, because IMO he’s not a skilled “people person”.

Unfortunately, a lot of pastors really aren't.

[GeeGolly]

30 minutes ago, lascuba said:

To me Jessa looked extremely uncomfortable about approaching strangers, which was #765478 on the list of reasons why Ben was such a tool. He planned "a romantic engagement" and not something Jessa--a real life person he'd spent over a year getting to know  and not some generic girl he'd fantasized about--would like. 

Yup. Jessa is the boss bitch of Fundies and a wallflower in the real world.

[lascuba]

1 minute ago, GeeGolly said:

Yup. Jessa is the boss bitch of Fundies and a wallflower in the real world.

I'd lessen the scope even more and say she's the boss bitch of the immediate Duggar family. 

[Nysha]

1 hour ago, lascuba said:

To me Jessa looked extremely uncomfortable about approaching strangers, which was #765478 on the list of reasons why Ben was such a tool. He planned "a romantic engagement" and not something Jessa--a real life person he'd spent over a year getting to know  and not some generic girl he'd fantasized about--would like. 

I agree. I think if Jessa had had anything close to a normal life growing up she would have gone on to be a very private person. She probably would have had a career she excelled in and was pleasant at work then went home and shut off all contact to the outside world unless it was on her terms. And there is nothing wrong with that type of life.

Unfortunately, she is uneducated and has no practical life skills, plus she has lived in front of a camera her whole life. I doubt she is in touch with her emotions and mental health enough to realize she hates having her life on public display. It's honestly the only way she knows to support her family. 

[lascuba]

4 minutes ago, Nysha said:

I agree. I think if Jessa had had anything close to a normal life growing up she would have gone on to be a very private person. She probably would have had a career she excelled in and was pleasant at work then went home and shut off all contact to the outside world unless it was on her terms. And there is nothing wrong with that type of life.

Unfortunately, she is uneducated and has no practical life skills, plus she has lived in front of a camera her whole life. I doubt she is in touch with her emotions and mental health enough to realize she hates having her life on public display. It's honestly the only way she knows to support her family. 

Imagine the hell it will be for her to be a pastor's wife, especially if Ben ever gets more than a dozen congregants. 

[Cinnabon]

8 hours ago, lascuba said:

Nah, I just think she's not a smiley, perky person and doesn't feel the need to pretend. It's like when tabloids post pictures of a celebrity couple in their car, pointing out how clearly unhappy they are, when in reality they're just sitting there with neutral faces, because normal people don't have perpetual smiles on for no reason.

One of the reasons I can rarely get into "influencers" even if they produce content that I would normally find interesting is because of the constant upbeat perkiness. There was one youtuber I really liked, who spoke in her normal tone of voice and didn't do any upspeak, and she once talked about how polls showed that perky people got a lot more views, regardless of the quality of their videos. I think we've generally become hardwired to prefer big, happy expressions, and when people see someone on a screen with a neutral expression, it feels off.

I’m with you - constant upbeat perkiness makes me stabby. No way I will voluntarily watch those types of people.

[Cinnabon]

55 minutes ago, Nysha said:

I agree. I think if Jessa had had anything close to a normal life growing up she would have gone on to be a very private person. She probably would have had a career she excelled in and was pleasant at work then went home and shut off all contact to the outside world unless it was on her terms. And there is nothing wrong with that type of life.

Unfortunately, she is uneducated and has no practical life skills, plus she has lived in front of a camera her whole life. I doubt she is in touch with her emotions and mental health enough to realize she hates having her life on public display. It's honestly the only way she knows to support her family. 

But she’s not supposed to be the one supporting her family, according to how she was raised. Her headship is.

[Nysha]

5 minutes ago, Cinnabon said:

But she’s not supposed to be the one supporting her family, according to how she was raised. Her headship is.

Yes, but unfortunately Jessa doesn't trust Ben enough to take care of her and their children. Ben doesn't seem to like conflict, so he's pretty much given up being the head of the house.

[MargeGunderson]

13 hours ago, Albanyguy said:

Unfortunately, a lot of pastors really aren't.

Went to divinity school, can confirm. A weird combination of social awkwardness and righteousness.

[emmawoodhouse]

Ivy's birthday week. No cake so far, only sour cream out of the package.

Edited to note that she did finally get cake at Guinn's. 

Edited June 9, 2022 by emmawoodhouse

[SMama]

Spurgeon is bored out of his mind. That kid is in bad need of socialization outside the cult. Typical neglect from Jessa leads the kids to forage for food. 

[GeeGolly]

Ivy got a brush!

[Madtown]

36 minutes ago, SMama said:

Spurgeon is bored out of his mind. That kid is in bad need of socialization outside the cult. Typical neglect from Jessa leads the kids to forage for food. 

Right?!?!?!
His cough was so fake and for attention. I feel so sorry for that kid.

Jessa grates on my every nerve. I can't stand her voice.

[louannems]

20 minutes ago, Madtown said:

Right?!?!?!
His cough was so fake and for attention. I feel so sorry for that kid.

Jessa grates on my every nerve. I can't stand her voice.

I wonder if Spurgeon has developed a nervous tick, of sorts, with that fake caugh.

 Eating sour cream straight from the container is disgusting.  It was obviously not the first time Ivy’s done that.

[auntieminem]

Ivy seems like a bright little girl, too bad she will probably not get the education and mental stimulation she needs. She has had a good vocabulary early on and you can see how she thinks and reasons stuff out. It was nice to see her so happy when everyone was singing happy birthday to her. Spurge also seems bright but he wants to please and get positive attention by trying to be helpful or saying what he thinks his parents want. Ben and Jessa's kids are all so cute, I just wish their world was larger and they had more educational opportunities. Happy Ivy got a real birthday cake. 

[Tuxcat]

I always thought the unwrapped gift idea was Jessa's thing. But Ben's parents gave Ivy an unwrapped slinky, notepad, chapstick and a brush sooo...?

Edited June 9, 2022 by Tuxcat

[GeeGolly]

I wondered if the kids had been sick because Henry was missing the first day and Spurgie was laying down and coughing. Then on day 3 Ivy was on the couch with a bedroom pillow and a blanket.

If I'm remembering correctly didn't Ivy get a toy horse and a princess dress last year for her birthday? Or maybe for Christmas?

[Lady Whistleup]

Jessa's such a pill. She can't even make Ivy's birthday even somewhat nice. Nasty food, unwrapped presents.

[Tdoc72]

8 hours ago, louannems said:

 Eating sour cream straight from the container is disgusting.  It was obviously not the first time Ivy’s done that.

I like sour cream on a baked potato or in dip, but I’ve never seen someone just eat a bowl of it. 

[emmawoodhouse]

8 hours ago, louannems said:

I wonder if Spurgeon has developed a nervous tick, of sorts, with that fake caugh.

 Eating sour cream straight from the container is disgusting.  It was obviously not the first time Ivy’s done that.

She knew where to find the plastic spoons. Definitely not her first time at that rodeo.

[SMama]

33 minutes ago, Tdoc72 said:

I like sour cream on a baked potato or in dip, but I’ve never seen someone just eat a bowl of it. 

Imagine how hungry that child was to grab a spoon and go to town. Jessa is such an outright failure at the job she was bred to hold. I was LMAO when I saw the brush. Well played, Gwin. 

[Joan of Argh]

I didn’t think it was possible but these birthday weeks seem to be going downhill.. this one was just plain sad and what’s up with Spurgeon, that kid needs to go to school and he also needs some physical activities like sports.

He’s turning into a soft, chubby goofball that spends all his time trying to upstage his siblings and the fake cough is all part of his bogus personality… he’s doing what he thinks Ben and Jessa want instead of just being a kid and screwing up once in a while.

[Madtown]

10 hours ago, Tdoc72 said:

I like sour cream on a baked potato or in dip, but I’ve never seen someone just eat a bowl of it. 

The last child I watched would drink ranch dressing out of the bottle if I let her. She would drink them out of the cups it comes in in restaurants. She would dip strawberries in sour cream(gross..lol). Never did she just take a tub of it out of the fridge and eat it with a spoon. Though, the kids I watched never were in the fridge without me knowing. 

[AgathaC]

Yeah, kids can eat strange stuff. I’ve known more than one small child who would eat straight butter. My mom used to fix me a little bowl of apple butter (I knew better than to just take a container out of the fridge). And it usually has nothing to do with hunger level. Most toddlers/children I’ve known will scarf down something they love if it’s within reach. My stepson got plenty to eat as a preschooler but we had to put peanut butter out of sight/reach because no matter how much he ate for meals and snacks, if he could see it or reach it, he would try to sneak spoonfuls out of the jar.

None of that is to defend or excuse Jessa. Her kids are under stimulated and feral from what I can see.

[GeeGolly]

My kids had set(ish) meal times and could open the fridge and access the snack cabinet - but they didn't, without asking first. Even my daughter, who has always loved food, never foraged around for food in between meals, so I don't really understand Ivy always helping herself to food.

I can just imagine Jessa putting the uneaten leftover sour cream back in the fridge to be used later - blech. 🤢

[Absolom]

Some young kids will eat sole items like sour cream.  I hadn't run into it directly until my granddaughter.  But she wasn't allowed to eat from the container like Ivy.  My daughter would give her a tablespoon of peanut butter left on the spoon so granddaughter could eat it.  She'd put a couple of spoons of sour cream on a plate and granddaughter had to at least make the pretense of putting it on a bit of tortilla.  They do outgrow it so in a couple of years, Ivy probably won't be doing it any more.  At least that's what would happen in a normal household.  Who knows with Jessa.  She may have another infant or two by then and completely ignore the older children.  

Sturgeon does not look to be on a good path.  I agree kindergarten would do him wonders.  He'd get exercise, fresh air, and mental stimulation.  I expect after a school year, he'd look and act like much differently.  Some kids just cry out to be educated away from home and I think he's one of them.

[ranchgirl]

It was a depressing video.  Ivy did not look good when Jessa gave her the box with her shoes in it.  She does seem sweet and intelligent.   She seemed to really like all her gifts.  The sour cream was interesting.  

In theory, the one day a week gift is a pretty good one.  The child can appreciate the gift for a whole day and not be overwhelmed.  But it's just sad to see how they are presented to the birthday child.  

I wonder if Jessa will perk up some when she finally moves into her new home.  She seems stagnant and bored with life.  For the children's sake, I hope a new home and environment will help.  I don't hold out much hope.  I don't think Spurg does either.  

[Madtown]

They opted for no ceiling fans in the house as they never use the ones at the old house. She asked if those are a thing..Really? She said she hopes she didn't make a mistake. Going with white appliances. There is a stove installed, but she explains that I believe, the door panal will be white on the one they are getting. I may have understood that wrong. Those appliances will be nothing put dirty hand prints.

The pantry in the "living room" would make me insane. Though, i'm going to bet that it will be filled with toys.

 I will say that I like the countertops and some of the hardware. I love me some black hardware.

Edited June 10, 2022 by Madtown

[sagittarius sue]

15 minutes ago, Madtown said:

They opted for no ceiling fans in the house as they never use the ones at the old house. She asked if those are a thing..Really? She said she hopes she didn't make a mistake.

I love my ceiling fans.  They definitely cut down my use of the air conditioners, particularly in the bedroom.

[Chicklet]

Ok i almost have to defend the sour cream kid- sour cream, strawberries and brown sugar are excellent as a dessert. Try it some time. 

But no you don't eat the whole container of sour cream.

[SMama]

I was really surprised they are getting white appliances. But that is completely on brand, the Duggar lack of awareness. 
 

When talking about the ceiling fans Jessa said when they move maybe the next owners will wonder why no ceiling fans. Have they bought the house then? Maybe the word owner is not that important.

That has been one slow process, Fern will be a year old by the time they move. Bigger house but same dysfunctional dynamics. Is Ben ever involved or is he pretending to be busy? And FFS get those kids age appropriate stimulation. 

[jacourt]

I like the backsplash. She’ll have lots of cabinet space. I hope none of the bazillion kids don’t hit those cabinet pulls. They are sharp and hurt. Speaking from experience. 

[CalicoKitty]

1 hour ago, sagittarius sue said:

I love my ceiling fans.  They definitely cut down my use of the air conditioners, particularly in the bedroom.

Yes, I think she made a mistake.  I use my ceiling fans all the time, and they do cut down on the AC use.  I bought expensive ceiling fans for my new house, and one of my cats decided she was terrified of them.  She didn't mind them in the old house, but she kept ducking and leaving the room in the new house.   She finally has come to terms with them, and is not afraid anymore.  Thankfully, because mine run a lot.  I would think Jessa could figure out how a ceiling fan works.  Does their new house have A/C or room coolers?  I wish I had white appliances.  My new house came with stainless steal, and they show every single fingerprint.  I only have "stainless" because I had no choice.  I really do not like them.

[Nysha]

On 6/9/2022 at 11:22 AM, SMama said:

Spurgeon is bored out of his mind. That kid is in bad need of socialization outside the cult. Typical neglect from Jessa leads the kids to forage for food. 

Henry is starting to show the same blank look. It's like watching a child sink into despair in real time. Poor Spurgeon doesn't even know what's wrong because everyone in his life is just as boring. 

That said, Ivy was sweet and enthusiastic about her toys even if she didn't know what it was, like the slinky. Are Ben's parents having financial problems? I'm not sure about the tiny backpack, but everything else was from a Dollar Store. Although, I do that sometimes with my grandchildren in-between Christmas & birthdays because they're still young enough to think the number of gifts is more important that the quality and my daughter walks through the house after they go to bed and throws their toys in the trash. 

[MargeGunderson]

@CalicoKitty, one of my cats (the calico) randomly gets scared of the ceiling fan! She goes weeks without noticing, then one day looks up, sees the fan, ducks, and slinks away. We have to leave it off for a few days until she stops looking at it.

Topic - I agree, she should have put ceiling fans in. It gets hot in AR and they presumably can use all the cooling they can get. Cheaper than running the AC, and they don’t have to worry about the kids knocking over a floor fan.

[irisheyes]

Jessa’s an idiot for not installing the ceiling fans, especially in Arkansas. We have one in our family room, and we can keep our AC at 78 in the summer because of it. (I know, because our living room doesn’t have one, and it gets hot in there.). We also have one in each bedroom. I bet she just didn’t want to dust them. We have to dust ours every couple of weeks. 

[riverblue22]

5 hours ago, Madtown said:

They opted for no ceiling fans in the house as they never use the ones at the old house. She asked if those are a thing..Really? She said she hopes she didn't make a mistake. Going with white appliances. There is a stove installed, but she explains that I believe, the door panal will be white on the one they are getting. I may have understood that wrong. Those appliances will be nothing put dirty hand prints.

There is a white panel available that they will stick on the stove that is already installed.  I thought the stove looked awesome the way it was.

I did not like the drawer pulls she selected, and I liked them even less after they were all installed.  Looks like it would be easy to get caught or scratched by those things.

Jessa is a VERY boring designer.  White, black, white, white, black. The wood cabinets are nice, and I was looking for the one Ivy marked up.  Anybody see it?

ETA: We use our bedroom ceiling fan all year long.  It's nice to have some air movement in the winter too.

Edited June 11, 2022 by riverblue22