S01.E01: Everything's Bigger In Dallas

[Tara Ariano]

Cary hosts a benefit at her home, but social maven Leanne fumes over inappropriate behavior, in the series premiere of this reality show tracing the well-pampered lives of Southern socialites from Dallas. Also: Tensions spike at a high-end charity event.

[Bronzedog]

These women are trying to hard. "She farts on command and then I dance in her fart." yeah. Bye, ya'll.

[FlyingEgret]

Good lord, I'm going to need a gallon of Jesus Juice to get through the rest of this episode.

[SCS]

The endless wine-swilling visuals coupled with Brandi's baby voice actually made my head heavy. Seriously, Bravo, this is the best you could do?

[Bronzedog]

Well, that was an hour of my life I'll never get back.

[JellyBean77]

Only one show in and I'm already bored with the Dallas housewives. The powers-that-be need to ditch babydoll Brandi and ditzy blonde Stephanie. They're not even fun or entertaining to watch. Surely the casting folks at Bravo could have done better?

[autumnh]

Good lord, I'm going to need a gallon of Jesus Juice to get through the rest of this episode.

 

amen and pass the biscuits!!

 

This is painful...

Well, that was an hour of my life I'll never get back.

 

 

SO bad....worse than Miami...if that is possible.

Riding around on little kids bikes after "jesus juice"...........really? come ON.

[CSunshine76]

This show is awful. What an embarrassment to Dallas. Charities? More like dinner parties. And from what I can tell, most of these women don't live in Dallas (the Dr's wife does); I assume they are in the suburbs like the rest of the common folk (including me).

I immediately recognized LeeAnne's boyfriend as a Dallas SWAT officer who appeared on Dallas SWAT on A&E. Reality whore much?

Their voices? I can't even. A few of them sound like 13 yr olds.

[Primetimer]

Sarah Beckham ranks the players. God bless Texas!

Read the story

[Sun-Bun]

Oh Lord, this dour beast Leanne is every bit as delusional, self-righteous and bitchy as Karen from RH of Potomac...which means I already can't stand her.

And then her creepy obsession with charities? And her constant mention of manners?? And her laughable statement that she's living the life most people dream of???

Good lord...get over your damned self, lady.

The rest of these gals seem a bit interchangeable, just typical big-haired, big-boobed/skinny former cheerleader/model types...I actually didn't mind the giggly redhead joking about farts and mimicking people. At least she's more fun than creepy Leanne and the equally bitchy Botoxed former model married to a scuzzy Keith Urban lookalike.

[autumnh]

I agree....and Karen from Potomac is bad...like really bad.

[mbaywife123]

Holy blush batman!

I'll give this one more time around the hot walker next week to decide if I'm in or out.

[SCS]

Based on the "this season on..." trailer it looks like one of the wives actually flips and punches the camera, which I don't think has happened yet on any franchise and should be good for a few giggles.

[Lola43]

I'm a Texan and I just can't with this. I tried.

Edited April 12, 2016 by Lola43

[autumnh]

Jesus Juice plays way too much of a role...I think I might need a gallon just to get through this horrible show

[Chrissytd]

This is what I expected Potomac to be like with the charity/etiquette angle. It was kinda better than Potomac but not by that much.

Please, no more poop/fart jokes.

I kept thinking that Stephanie(?) was Whitney for The Bachelor.

[tabloidlover]

Anyone else get a negative vibe around Stephanie's husband?  "I thought you said you packed the kid's suitcases... where is the ski jacket?"....

[Rina99]

I'm about half-way through.  This seems like the worst.

 

ETA:  Oh god, some douche is singing!  Will this never end?

Edited April 12, 2016 by Rina99

[mbaywife123]

How do I say this without sounding mean (but they put them on camera) Brandi and Bryan's girls are "interesting" looking.

[JAYJAY1979]

perhaps the first episode could have just featured the women on their own, living their day to day lives...giving the viewer a chance to know them before throwing them into conflict?

[tabloidlover]

How do I say this without sounding mean (but they put them on camera) Brandi and Bryan's girls are "interesting" looking.

I don't want to sound mean either, but YES!!!!

[Emerald City]

Lee Ann's comment about Plano made me laugh, and I'm from here. And it's not a small community. It's population is about 200,000. In the 90s, Troy Aikman lived here. It's one of the wealthiest cities in Texas.

[crgirl412]

I was hoping this would be good!  I was wrong!  No Dallas Ho'wives for me. 

[parisprincess]

The Potomac women can't get through a conversation without bringing up etiquette, and with the Dallas broads (especially Leanne) the word is charity. It would make a good drinking game if I found any of these self absorbed twits in the least interesting. Since I found every one of them totally boring, I'm going to pass on this franchise.

[mbaywife123]

Leeann, after 6 years if Rich hasn't married you he's not going to.

Most male friends I know and have talked to about this know within 6 to 12 months if they are going to shack up or wife up.

[Irritable]

Brandi looks like completely different people depending on what kind of lighting she stumbles into.  Harsh lighting is NOT her friend.

 

That's all I got from the first hour.

[movingtargetgal]

 

Anyone else get a negative vibe around Stephanie's husband?  "I thought you said you packed the kid's suitcases... where is the ski jacket?"....

YES!  He really creeped me out when he said that.  Very controlling like the husband in "Sleeping with the Enemy".  I felt a little afraid for Stephanie. 

[scenicbyway]

The jewelry party could count towards charity a bit. Didn't they say it was 10% of the sales that day? But all of these other "charities" look like little dinner parties. How do they raise any money when it's all the same people showing up. I also don't think the most popular lady, who is clearly not in the same socioeconomic group as everyone else would be constantly on the invite list just because she can recommend a caterer and rental company...

[bref]

Wow, thanks to all of you who took the bullet and watched this. Sounds like taking a pass was the right decision. Frankly, I think my love affair with all of the RH shows is at that stage of "dead but cant quite let go."

[mbaywife123]

Good gravy, these women and their "charity" parties.

If I want to help one our local charities I just donate direct and email my trusted other donors to contribute direct with services or cash donations.

No need for parties ect., 100% to the charities and no stupid vanity events.

Most people who want to help don't need any type of recognition and have private foundations set up with certain guidelines for giving.

[JasmineFlower]

I have a friend that lives in Dallas, moved a couple of years ago for a great job, and she hates it. I know this isn't real Dallas, but man does this show why she just may not be exaggerating as much as I wish she was about having trouble meeting down to earth people there.

 

So, this started off shaky and continued throughout, equal parts boring and disturbing.

 

Brandi. She got with her middle school boyfriend, now husband because she wanted to make him jealous and that seems like a good story to tell? I mean. This chick is way too ditzy for me. And then her best friend Stephanie is performing "chores" to make money from her husband. I don't know why but that sounded so bad to me, like I would have been less disturbed if she said these were sex games they played and that's how she earned her allowance or something. It was all rather disturbing that they thought it was funny and only made more so once when they showed the husband. Cause I don't think they were actually laughing, more like smiling through the repressed tears. Their laughs were so fake, I wasn't buying their "good time" drinking their 'Jesus Juice."

 

Carni kid? I don't even know what to say about that, it made me think of some not as scandalous version of The Riches, but nothing that great. I didn't mind LeeAnne in a general sense, the women were inappropriate to the extreme talking about just off-color topics at a charity event. That would have to be your own private party for that to be okay talk to me. Her boyfriend seems fine from what I watched, whatever. She's like the Alex from RHNY it seems, wants to be in the mix, but isn't living the actual high life. I like that she says she worked for where she is.

 

BUT, then a second ago after writing this I quickly looked up LeeAnne and she's not quite what she says, but again, maybe that's just a quick first impression after checking. I don't mind it, but I don't think she's as into charity as she is saying, more like she wants to be famous or rich anyway she can. She has an IMDB profile with like acting credits and a host of reality stuff (one of which I absolutely remember though I don't recall her - Big Rich Texas on Style Network). That's not someone who is just in it for charity on the surface. Now, also I'm now picturing her Carni Kid days as half The Riches and half Toddlers and Tiaras, because she's a former beauty pageant winner, including placing in the Top 10 of Miss USA.

 

I'm embarrassed to say Tiffani looks semi familiar, so I believe her when she says she was a model and hosting. I'm guessing it's the hosting where I saw her a time or two. Totally on board for her husband, you know, not performing again on here...

 

The nurse married to the plastic surgeon. She feels like snoozeville more than anything, but at least she barely offended.

 

All in all. Not my cup of tea, may try it again depending on what I see in this thread, but yeah all in all, feels like they should have tried a lot harder on casting.

 

Also, let me just say, this felt like a whole lot of Jesus talk from women who....okay, I'm not going to say what I really want to, but I don't think these are the most pious women, let's just say that based on what I'm seeing from what they say and life choices...they need to dial that back BIG time.

Edited April 12, 2016 by JasmineFlower

[Irritable]

It almost feels like something is going unsaid about LeeAnn, with all her "contacts" and "power" when it comes to "helping" put all these charity "events" together, and then playing the role of head sycophant to whomever is hosting each one.  When I try to piece together the puzzle of a "carny girl" who has never been married, lives with a cop and has not mentioned having a career or job of her own, being so involved and welcomed into these little galas that let the wealthy people gather, eat, drink and give some money to a good cause... the only total picture I can guess at is that this IS her job.  As in, she's really an event coordinator who specializes in these local charity soirees, but for the sake of this show that tidbit of reality is being kept out so that she can be presented as just another lady of luxury.  Is that too far fetched?  I can think of no other reason, based on the information we have been given so far, why she would be able to spend so much of her time doing these things, and why the other women would treat her as anything more than a hanger-on who is trying to sit with the cool kids at lunch by sharing her snacks and catering contacts, unless she is the one they all hire to pull shit together when it's their turn to play host.

 

I'm a little confused about Tiffany's situation.  Are we to assume she is wealthy from all of her (catalog) modeling work?  Did we see her mansion yet?  Clearly, her husband isn't making any money if he's still trying to get discovered (huge eyeroll) at this stage of life.  Her face is so jacked up with fillers and botox, I have to avert my eyes when the camera gets too close.  If anything, this franchise helps me to understand how truly difficult it is to look good on HDTV, and that the women from the other cities are doing a much better job of looking good than I thought they were.

[swankie]

The endless wine-swilling visuals coupled with Brandi's baby voice actually made my head heavy.

 

 

The vocal fry alone between her and Stephanie makes me hate this show! 

Edited April 12, 2016 by swankie

[Juneau Gal]

Brandi is a two face ala the Seinfeld episode. Talking heads she looks fine. Out in the real world, yikes, like something out of The Planet of the Apes.

[yourmomiseasy]

The nurse is the only one that didn't bother me, but the carnie girl was the worst.  I don't understand why everyone is afraid of her striving ass except she does seem like kind of a bully, but what is she actually going to do?  

 

There's always a jewelry party for charity on RHOB.  The one this season was at Camille's.  It seemed a little different than the Chloe & Isabel party we saw tonight.

 

Man, they all look so surprised.  I wonder what their eyebrows used to look like before all the "touch ups". 

 

Not that there's anything wrong with it, but have we ever seen a ho'wife shopping at a consignment store before?

Edited April 12, 2016 by yourmomiseasy

[cooksdelight]

I couldn't keep straight who was who, they all looked alike. Or had at least one lookalike. Brandi's voice will drive me to join you all with some Jesus Juice. I need to watch one more time to figure out if this is a watchable train wreck.

[telemachus2]

Hmm...so far, whatta BOMB - no culture, absolutely NO class, no wit, & no real eye-candy (human or housing.)  Quel Texas-sized bore!

[cooksdelight]

The kid picking up dog turds and putting them in the family pool was disgusting. Not to mention, could make him ill.

[cherry slushie]

Oh Lord, this dour beast Leanne is every bit as delusional, self-righteous and bitchy as Karen from RH of Potomac...which means I already can't stand her.

And then her creepy obsession with charities? And her constant mention of manners?? And her laughable statement that she's living the life most people dream of???

Good lord...get over your damned self, lady.

The rest of these gals seem a bit interchangeable, just typical big-haired, big-boobed/skinny former cheerleader/model types...I actually didn't mind the giggly redhead joking about farts and mimicking people. At least she's more fun than creepy Leanne and the equally bitchy Botoxed former model married to a scuzzy Keith Urban lookalike.

 

YES!  The guy obviously has a thing for Keith, being a fellow Aussie and all, but unlike Keith, he can't sing.

I have a friend that lives in Dallas, moved a couple of years ago for a great job, and she hates it. I know this isn't real Dallas, but man does this show why she just may not be exaggerating as much as I wish she was about having trouble meeting down to earth people there.

 

So, this started off shaky and continued throughout, equal parts boring and disturbing.

 

Brandi. She got with her middle school boyfriend, now husband because she wanted to make him jealous and that seems like a good story to tell? I mean. This chick is way too ditzy for me. And then her best friend Stephanie is performing "chores" to make money from her husband. I don't know why but that sounded so bad to me, like I would have been less disturbed if she said these were sex games they played and that's how she earned her allowance or something. It was all rather disturbing that they thought it was funny and only made more so once when they showed the husband. Cause I don't think they were actually laughing, more like smiling through the repressed tears. Their laughs were so fake, I wasn't buying their "good time" drinking their 'Jesus Juice."

 

Carni kid? I don't even know what to say about that, it made me think of some not as scandalous version of The Riches, but nothing that great. I didn't mind LeeAnne in a general sense, the women were inappropriate to the extreme talking about just off-color topics at a charity event. That would have to be your own private party for that to be okay talk to me. Her boyfriend seems fine from what I watched, whatever. She's like the Alex from RHNY it seems, wants to be in the mix, but isn't living the actual high life. I like that she says she worked for where she is.

 

BUT, then a second ago after writing this I quickly looked up LeeAnne and she's not quite what she says, but again, maybe that's just a quick first impression after checking. I don't mind it, but I don't think she's as into charity as she is saying, more like she wants to be famous or rich anyway she can. She has an IMDB profile with like acting credits and a host of reality stuff (one of which I absolutely remember though I don't recall her - Big Rich Texas on Style Network). That's not someone who is just in it for charity on the surface. Now, also I'm now picturing her Carni Kid days as half The Riches and half Toddlers and Tiaras, because she's a former beauty pageant winner, including placing in the Top 10 of Miss USA.

 

I'm embarrassed to say Tiffani looks semi familiar, so I believe her when she says she was a model and hosting. I'm guessing it's the hosting where I saw her a time or two. Totally on board for her husband, you know, not performing again on here...

 

The nurse married to the plastic surgeon. She feels like snoozeville more than anything, but at least she barely offended.

 

All in all. Not my cup of tea, may try it again depending on what I see in this thread, but yeah all in all, feels like they should have tried a lot harder on casting.

 

Also, let me just say, this felt like a whole lot of Jesus talk from women who....okay, I'm not going to say what I really want to, but I don't think these are the most pious women, let's just say that based on what I'm seeing from what they say and life choices...they need to dial that back BIG time.

 

The ones who yell the loudest about Jesus/forgiveness/love one another/so blessed, etc, are usually the nastiest, most vicious, unforgiving hypocrites you'll ever meet. They'd put a hit out on you if they could get away with it.  Think Texas cheerleader Mom.

 

As for the show, is anyone other than Leanne older than 40?  It's looking like a pretty young bunch for this franchise.  Other observations; YAWN.

Edited April 12, 2016 by cherry slushie

[JenFromCincy]

I think if Brandi and Stephanie tone it down and stop saying "Jesus Juice" every five seconds, they could be fun.  Brandi was on WWHL (Stephanie was in the audience) and she seemed sweet.  I like when the HW shows have a legitimate friendship in the cast.

 

Not sure if Cary is fence sitting or roiling the waters.  If only Stephanie and Cary knew about the Leanne impression that Brandi does, then one would have to guess that Cary spilled it.

 

Tiffany seems familiar to me, but doesn't look comfortable in a rocker head scarf or cocktail attire.  Both felt like she was playing "dress up."

 

Leanne is over the top aggressive.  I'm blunt and will speak honestly, but I'm not going to lean in on people and try to physically intimidate them.  That was a little carny....which is way worse than Plano you judgmental nit.

 

Could be a fun watch once I get past the baby voices and PlayDoh Fun Factory faces.  (Is this really what qualifies as attractive these days? It seems so weird to me.)

[Baltimore Betty]

This incarnation make the rest of the RH shows look like Mensa meetings.

[bosawks]

I think HoWive's casting directors should automatically throw out anyone named Brandy who spells it with an i, just as a matter of course......

[Baltimore Betty]

Oh, boy another Housewife begging for an engagement ring!  We all know how those situations end.

 

The wives with their botox, truly a cautionary tale.

 

"Charity" will be my drinking word game if I have to watch this show. 

 

I got the impression that the girls that were shopping for dresses for all the upcoming events were in a resale shop, what if they bought a dress previously worn by one of their rich society mavens and then seen at an event? Heavens to Betsy!

 

Was that guitar player Keith Urban? LOL.

[answerphone]

With all the talk about poop, farts, and turds, I thought I was eavesdropping on kindergartners.

[Slider]

Do these women seriously want to be known for poop?!  It's a shit show. Literally. 

[Bronzedog]

There was a wife on RHOC, Lizzie, whose first season was consumed with her kids diapers. Is it full? He wants his diaper changed! Poopy diaper! It grossed me out then, and, now we have farting, string of turds and pants peeing. Eww. I'll give this one more week, but, I don't think I'll be sticking around.

[ivygirl]

Stuff like this gets made, yet I am still bereft of the beloved Gallery Girls.

Not in.

Also, let me just say, this felt like a whole lot of Jesus talk from women who....okay, I'm not going to say what I really want to, but I don't think these are the most pious women, let's just say that based on what I'm seeing from what they say and life choices...they need to dial that back BIG time.

I noticed this too, and it made me ill. I hear it on other shows (cf. RHOA and Phaedra), but it it was really amped up here.

[njbchlover]

The kid picking up dog turds and putting them in the family pool was disgusting. Not to mention, could make him ill.

 

I said the same thing to my husband (who was unfortunately sucked into watching this with me), not to mention that these two women (I can't remember their names yet) seem to have an unusual obsession with bodily functions.  

[Boofish]

If I had to guess I can only assume they could not get any actual women from Dallas society to participate in this dreck.

 

Dear Leanne

 

I have never dreamed of living anywhere the kitchen, dining and rec room are all in arms reach. With the treadmill in the kitchen. Where appliances do not match. With my boyfriend who has married everyone he has met except for me. Eating take out 10 feet from the dog dish. And that black leather starter furniture. So no, you don't live a life most people dream of. Your life is my nightmares

 

If anyone is interested I will be filing a class action lawsuit against Bravo for the hour of my life that was wasted.

[Neurochick]

I have a feeling Bravo didn't think too much of this show.  Most HW shows air at 8 or 9pm east coast time; but this show aired at 10pm, maybe they realized it sucked.