Small Talk: The Prayer Closet

[skipnjump]

20 hours ago, Zella said:

Um, I have never been able to afford a separate pair of prescription sunglasses and really don't know anyone who has that kind of money. I have transitions lenses, and if I still need sunglasses, I just buy oversized sunglasses off the rack and wear them over my regular glasses. 

My mom who wears glasses all the time, just had lenses tinted from an older pair of glasses that still corrected her to be legal to drive or when possible, did the clip ons.

[GeeGolly]

I've been recording the Chauvin trial. The prosecutors are really skilled at crossing examining the defense witnesses.

[emma675]

1 hour ago, ozziemom said:

Also in some states you can prepay for your funeral, choosing exactly what you want. These prepaid expenses are allowed by Medicaid, which can be vital if nursing home care uses up all your other assets.

My grandmother did this (she also wrote her own obituary years before she died, but that's another story). Everything was already planned and paid for, basically all we had to do was pick the funeral date, bring the clothes she wanted to be buried in, and let people know when to show up. It sounds maudlin to preplan your own funeral but it guarantees it goes exactly as you wish and it takes so much stress off of your loved ones.

[doodlebug]

8 hours ago, Zella said:

 

Ultimately, he got the funeral that I think he would have wanted. He was a very proud retired Navy vet, and he got a Navy funeral. He was a very devout Catholic, and he got a funeral mass conducted by his favorite priest. I'm not mad at anyone over it because there was nobody really at fault, but I am still angry it turned into such an ordeal because it didn't have to. It should not have been as hard to arrange as it was. 

I guess my bit of advice to the board is when you are doing end of life planning, include funeral planning, and make sure people know where you have made arrangements. You can actually work with a funeral home to have your plan on file and to have everything paid for, so nobody has to try to guess what you would have wanted while they are distressed and bereaved. 

Absolutely.  My mother pre-deceased my father by nearly 10 years.  We used the same funeral director, a friend of one of my sisters, both times.  When we got together for the planning session for my dad, our friend pulled out a folder and said, 'your father said to tell you he has already decided on everything and you'd better go along.  After your mom died, he called me and we did all the planning.'  It was actually kind of a relief, he'd picked the casket, decided on what he wanted as far as visitation and other details.  No decisions to be made.  One of my sisters was a big spender and Joe made sure to tell her that my father specifically wanted to be sure she didn't waste money on his casket.

I went with my dad to pick out the stone after my mom died.  They had a joint plot, so we got a double stone.  My father wanted it to be plain except for names and dates, no embellishments.  The monument guy finally talked him into a small cross with wedding rings.  When the guy asked my dad how he wanted his name to appear on the stone; my father told him that he wanted 'his' side of the stone to be blank because 'there will be no previews of coming attractions'.   So, it was blank for a decade.

[crazy8s]

my mom has her funeral service planned in minute detail. She actually has typed her own worship folder/bulletin and has it on file with her church. She endlessly updates after she goes to funerals and sees things she doesn't like.

her pastor died of covid last week. second time he had it. since "god would protect him" he and his family made no changes in their behavior and he died on a vent in the hospital alone.

anyway, my mom watched the live stream funeral with my sister. sister says mom spent the entire time complaining the one teen granddaughter at the service was wearing jeans. So of course mom has updated her actually obituary this week to say visitation/service to be held........  dress code for service no blue jeans.

my sister, brother and I, as well as all the adult grandkids, are having a good laugh thinking it will be a full on everyone in denim funeral service

[Ohiopirate02]

1 minute ago, crazy8s said:

my mom has her funeral service planned in minute detail. She actually has typed her own worship folder/bulletin and has it on file with her church. She endlessly updates after she goes to funerals and sees things she doesn't like.

her pastor died of covid last week. second time he had it. since "god would protect him" he and his family made no changes in their behavior and he died on a vent in the hospital alone.

anyway, my mom watched the live stream funeral with my sister. sister says mom spent the entire time complaining the one teen granddaughter at the service was wearing jeans. So of course mom has updated her actually obituary this week to say visitation/service to be held........  dress code for service no blue jeans.

my sister, brother and I, as well as all the adult grandkids, are having a good laugh thinking it will be a full on everyone in denim funeral service

If I read that in the obit, I would have to fight the urge not to show up in the full Canadian Tuxedo.

[iwantcookies]

37 minutes ago, crazy8s said:

my mom has her funeral service planned in minute detail. She actually has typed her own worship folder/bulletin and has it on file with her church. She endlessly updates after she goes to funerals and sees things she doesn't like.

her pastor died of covid last week. second time he had it. since "god would protect him" he and his family made no changes in their behavior and he died on a vent in the hospital alone.

anyway, my mom watched the live stream funeral with my sister. sister says mom spent the entire time complaining the one teen granddaughter at the service was wearing jeans. So of course mom has updated her actually obituary this week to say visitation/service to be held........  dress code for service no blue jeans.

my sister, brother and I, as well as all the adult grandkids, are having a good laugh thinking it will be a full on everyone in denim funeral service

Your mom is a trip 🤣. I like her.

[crazy8s]

22 minutes ago, iwantcookies said:

Your mom is a trip 🤣. I like her.

she is at that. Her other peeve about her pastor's service was it had a stationary camera and she couldn't identify all people who were there. (limit was 50 pre registered and widely spaced in seating) so she has been calling around to people she could identify to ask them who all was there.🤣

In real life she is just a mean 80yr old lady who is a control freak pain in the ass.

[peppergal]

19 hours ago, crazycatlady58 said:

Well yesterday after my 2nd vaccine I felt ok so sore joints butI put that down to arthritis.  Today is another matter.  Low grade fever that Tylenol will not reduce ( which is not unusual for me I rarely have  fever but whenever I do Tylenol does nothing to reduce it) body and joint pain and where I received my shot is swollen and painful. This to shall pass and it is better than Covid. 

Me too.  I got my second dose Tuesday and felt fine the rest of the day but woke up around 2am Wednesday with the fever and a headache.  Fortunately work was fine with me logging on long enough in the morning to tell them I was taking a sick day and then going back to bed.  I could have worked through the fever and just been uncomfortable, but the headache was bad enough there was no way I could have faced a computer screen for hours at a time.  I feel fine today.  Hopefully you've recovered too!

[BetyBee]

My next door neighbor called this morning and she is such a busybody! She's 80 yo and in frail health. She's the type who has always complained about her health, so I'm not sure how frail she actually is. She's got plenty of energy for spying on all the neighbors and seems to know everyone's business, even though she seldom leaves her house. I usually end the convo when she starts in with racist comments. This is a condominium community and she is forever complaining about the HOA, which does a pretty good job, imo. I'm so tired of crabby people (btw, that includes my curmudgeon husband - today anyway!)

[iwantcookies]

I have a MR. Gossip who lives across the street from my building. He knows everyone’s business. He hates gay people and accuses the single neighbors of being gay and uses horrible language. I avoid him as much as I can! 
 

I am sure he makes fun of me behind my back because I live alone and cut my hair. 

Edited April 15, 2021 by iwantcookies

[louannems]

5 hours ago, ozziemom said:

Also in some states you can prepay for your funeral, choosing exactly what you want. These prepaid expenses are allowed by Medicaid, which can be vital if nursing home care uses up all your other assets.

My husband and I, in addition to having wills, also purchased prepaid cremations, even though we were only in our sixties. It's such a relief to know our kids won't have to make those decisions.

[Minivanessa]

3 minutes ago, louannems said:

My husband and I, in addition to having wills, also purchased prepaid cremations, even though we were only in our sixties. It's such a relief to know our kids won't have to make those decisions.

I also purchased prepaid cremation at the tender age of 59, and I've made sure my family knows where to find the information. It is a relief to know that's taken care of.

[frenchtoast]

1 hour ago, peppergal said:

Me too.  I got my second dose Tuesday and felt fine the rest of the day but woke up around 2am Wednesday with the fever and a headache.  Fortunately work was fine with me logging on long enough in the morning to tell them I was taking a sick day and then going back to bed.  I could have worked through the fever and just been uncomfortable, but the headache was bad enough there was no way I could have faced a computer screen for hours at a time.  I feel fine today.  Hopefully you've recovered too!

My son and husband got their second Pfizer shot on Tuesday and Mr. Toast  woke up at 1 with body ache and chills (no fever). Son felt bodyaches. they are mostly better this afternoon but son's arms still hurt this morning. I had told them about all anecdotal experiences so it wasn't a shock. I will definitely be preparing for a day of doing nothing after I get my second shot. 

[zoomama]

good morning, friends. my husband had surgery for a deviated septum and other issues earlier this week. the next day, he started in with a TERRIBLE cold. he is full of packing and it wont be removed for another week. he has been miserable. so, guess who woke up with a cold today? me.  its weird -- i haven't been sick for so long. it just happened so fast - literally fine in the morning but sat down to get a pedicure and WHAM!  so taking it easy today.

glasses....i wear them full time and cant see without them up close or far away.  i wear the same type of over-the-glasses sunglasses as mentioned above. i found when i spent the $$$ to get rx sunglasses, i would forget to take them off when i exited the car (since i am used to glasses on my face all day). it was a hassle. 

to the lawyer who wrote above about helping his clients and not himself -- my husband is the same way. we always come last. about 20 years ago we did make a trust (i think) but i have never heard it mentioned again. i guess this is something we need to address. 

[Jenniferbug]

I'm finally getting a fence built again! 

The backyard privacy fence our house had when we moved in was destroyed in the derecho storm last August. The contractor intended to fix it in the fall when he did the other repair work, but said between the derecho, hurricanes, and wildfires across the country that lumber was really hard to get and if he could, it would probably cost us about $3K more than he had originally quoted us. So we decided to wait and spent all winter taking the dog out on a leash. 

The contractor reached out a couple weeks ago to check in about the fence and did another quote for us. Still about $1K over what he had originally quoted because lumber prices are still a little high but much better than it would have been in fall. They cleared away the old fence and dropped off materials for the new fence and are going to build on Monday! 

[CalicoKitty]

For anyone who is thinking about a DPA or Trust and isn't comfortable with who to make power of attorney, you can have it written into the trust that you want a paid fiduciary to handle all directions in your trust.  You can have a financial fiduciary and/or one for health.  That is written in my trust if anything happens to my brother.  I don't have any other family member that I would trust to make any kind of end-of-life decisions for me, even if they were written down.  The fiduciary gets a payment from the estate.  That way it is written into any documents, and family members cannot argue.  Sometimes it is cleaner to have an outsider in charge.

[emma675]

1 hour ago, Jenniferbug said:

I'm finally getting a fence built again! 

The backyard privacy fence our house had when we moved in was destroyed in the derecho storm last August. The contractor intended to fix it in the fall when he did the other repair work, but said between the derecho, hurricanes, and wildfires across the country that lumber was really hard to get and if he could, it would probably cost us about $3K more than he had originally quoted us. So we decided to wait and spent all winter taking the dog out on a leash. 

The contractor reached out a couple weeks ago to check in about the fence and did another quote for us. Still about $1K over what he had originally quoted because lumber prices are still a little high but much better than it would have been in fall. They cleared away the old fence and dropped off materials for the new fence and are going to build on Monday! 

Congrats! I'm still waiting to replace part of my fence that was damaged in a hail storm in 2019, lol. It's a vinyl fence and the hail was being blown sideways by the wind and it just went through the vinyl like a machine gun. I've put it off since the ugliest side faces my neighbor's backyard, but it's embarrassing. Then 2020 hit and the vinyl fence industry is now in a major shortage and prices have skyrocketed. I need to decide what to to do with it at some point. 

[Jenniferbug]

1 hour ago, emma675 said:

Congrats! I'm still waiting to replace part of my fence that was damaged in a hail storm in 2019, lol. It's a vinyl fence and the hail was being blown sideways by the wind and it just went through the vinyl like a machine gun. I've put it off since the ugliest side faces my neighbor's backyard, but it's embarrassing. Then 2020 hit and the vinyl fence industry is now in a major shortage and prices have skyrocketed. I need to decide what to to do with it at some point. 

Wow! That is an intense hail storm! Seems like so many building materials are in a shortage. There are a lot of people still waiting to replace fencing and decks and things like that that were damaged but not essential. 

[Absolom]

19 hours ago, Zella said:

Ultimately, he got the funeral that I think he would have wanted. He was a very proud retired Navy vet, and he got a Navy funeral. He was a very devout Catholic, and he got a funeral mass conducted by his favorite priest. I'm not mad at anyone over it because there was nobody really at fault, but I am still angry it turned into such an ordeal because it didn't have to. It should not have been as hard to arrange as it was. 

I guess my bit of advice to the board is when you are doing end of life planning, include funeral planning, and make sure people know where you have made arrangements. You can actually work with a funeral home to have your plan on file and to have everything paid for, so nobody has to try to guess what you would have wanted while they are distressed and bereaved. 

I made have told this before, but my MIL was a master control freak and by goodness her funeral was going to be to suit her.  However, it was an immense blessing to the family.  She had booked it, paid for it, and made a book for it.  Everything was detailed down the eulogy by the minister already having been written and agreed to by her.  She had photos or sketches of flower arrangements.  She had even detailed the funeral lunch down to table decorations and which of her friends were to bring which dish.  

My kids' favorite tale of grandma is her funeral and how absolutely nothing was left to chance.  She had even pre-purchased her urn for her ashes and had arranged to have it hidden in a large flower arrangement.  One daughter said she thought that was the kindest thing of all as they didn't realize the urn was there until after the service.  

[Jynnan tonnix]

Just a short note on my second Pfizer vaccine last week. My only real concern at the moment was trying to keep my arm extra relaxed, which seems to have worked in regards to not having the vague ache I had in my upper arm after the first jab. And as far as any other side effects, not a sausage! I was able to do the biggest chunk of yard work yet this year without a thought of it. Mr Jyn had some body aches the day after his, but on the other hand, it was after a day of lifting all the foundation plantings in our front yard to fit in with the new stone walls we had built back in October, and that would probably be enough to give any of those Marvel superheroes (which I know next to nothing about) an excuse to take it easy the next day. So we are both calling it a win. Actually went out to a local semi hole-in-the-wall restaurant for dinner yesterday, and had a wonderful meal. Lots of spaces between available tables (and even the available booths were probably 3/4 empty. Was impressed to see the staff cleaning every available surface including the light fixtures around us while we were there! We left generous tips including the chefs. Sooooo nice to put out a feeler into the "old world!"

[GeeGolly]

Crazy. Mother Nature decided to blast New England with snow showers rather than rain showers.

[whydoiwatch]

Will try to be as concise as possible - During the escalating Covid numbers and deaths in nursing homes last summer a friend of mine moved her nearly 100 year old aunt  with mild dementia and general aging problems from nursing facility to her home with permission of aunt's son and grandson who live many states away and are in charge of her affairs. Both relatives said they would compensate my friend for her generosity and hire private caregivers. Nothing was put in writing  other than an occasion email reference. Nether of those things has happened.

Money is deposited periodically in the aunt's checking account, but only enough to pay for the few caregivers my friend has managed to hire. It is a weekly worry if there is enough money to cover the costs. Care is a full time job, 24 hours a day and my friend is worn out and suffering physical symptoms from the physical care she does herself on the days no hired help is there.This has been repeatedly relayed to family members.

My friend works part time away from home and is self employed part time at home. This situation has impacted her income - she can neither accept additional hours of work or take on any new clients. 

She has contacted her aunt's family and given them a deadline to find another living situation, that deadline has passed. She has asked for compensation for medications she has purchased, food, etc and received nothing. She has called adult protective services but was told they normally deal with elder abuse (in a reverse sort of way, isn't this neglect?) She has called local nursing homes to check bed availability and had admissions person call son with information. He asked for additional information to be emailed and emails returned as undeliverable to address given. The nursing home where aunt was originally moved from will not take her back until "monies due are paid" and hinted monies due equals mid to high five figures.

Any ideas, suggestions? Who can get things moving? The aunt needs to be back in nursing home and my friend who has given 9 months of care without any compensation needs to recover her health and finances. 

[ginger90]

39 minutes ago, whydoiwatch said:

She has called adult protective services but was told they normally deal with elder abuse (in a reverse sort of way, isn't this neglect?)

Is the money your friend is asking for, her aunt’s money? If so yes, that is financial abuse by her son and grandson if they have access to it. If not, then the family members unfortunately have the choice of contributing, or not. What a sad situation.

Your friend’s aunt should be seen, in person or by teleconference, by her physician and evaluated for her needs. Hopefully that will lead to a place for her.

[Jynnan tonnix]

7 hours ago, GeeGolly said:

Crazy. Mother Nature decided to blast New England with snow showers rather than rain showers.

I know! Crazy, but I did get some nice photos! Spring was really springing in our yard the past week!

[whydoiwatch]

20 minutes ago, ginger90 said:

Is the money your friend is asking for, her aunt’s money? If so yes, that is financial abuse by her son and grandson if they have access to it. If not, then the family members unfortunately have the choice of contributing, or not. What a sad situation.

Your friend’s aunt should be seen, in person or by teleconference, by her physician and evaluated for her needs. Hopefully that will lead to a place for her.

Thank you for your reply, I appreciate it. Yes, the money is the aunt's and managed  by her son and grandson. The aunt was seen in person once by physician and since by teleconference several times (arranged by friend) Each time the doctor has said nursing home placement warranted. At that point, my friend called local nursing homes and asked they call son and he talks to them and doesn't follow up. Emails returned as undeliverable. My friend has no legal standing to admit aunt herself.  

Edited April 16, 2021 by whydoiwatch
misspelling

[ginger90]

3 minutes ago, whydoiwatch said:

Thank you for your reply, I appreciate it. Yes, the money is the aunt's and managed  by her son and grandson. The aunt was seen in person once by physician and since by teleconference several times (arranged by friend) Each time the doctor has said nursing home placement warranted. At that point, my friend called local nursing homes and asked they call son and he talks to them and doesn't follow up. Emails returned as undeliverable. My friend has no legal standing to admit aunt herself.  

With that information, it is neglect, financial exploitation/abuse, abandonment, and just wrong. I’d relay all of this to the physician. They are mandated reporters and can get things going. The person she spoke to who brushed her off, should be terminated, IMO.

[emma675]

Not to beat a dead horse, but this site upgrade sucks. Where did all of our personal preferences go? It's hard to remember what shows I followed, I almost lost our forum here for a while, lol. 

[Jenniferbug]

I'm struggling with it too. It's not sorting my follows to what has recent posts anymore so I have to scroll to find them.

[emmawoodhouse]

I put up a thread on the  Bugs forum letting them know that the homepage has disappeared. It's a pain scrolling through those huge lists to find the stuff I follow. 😵

Edited April 16, 2021 by emmawoodhouse

[BitterApple]

Ugh, I was wondering why my followed shows disappeared. Scrolling through the entire list is a pain.

[Minivanessa]

20 minutes ago, BitterApple said:

Ugh, I was wondering why my followed shows disappeared. Scrolling through the entire list is a pain.

No kidding. I've given up on reading the forums on my phone, too hard to find what I want.

On my laptop, if I go to  the "follows" tab and then click on  "Manage Forum Follows," it brings up the forums I'm following. But it's a raging PITA. Hope they get it fixed.

 

Edited April 16, 2021 by Jeeves

[DangerousMinds]

46 minutes ago, emma675 said:

Not to beat a dead horse, but this site upgrade sucks. Where did all of our personal preferences go? It's hard to remember what shows I followed, I almost lost our forum here for a while, lol. 

I was just about to address this. My home page doesn’t even show my shows anymore. I’m not sure how to fix this.

[GeeGolly]

And what's with the thread details on the side of the page? We're all going to be traumatized in the Sweet Fellowship thread with pictures of JillR popping up.

[emmawoodhouse]

Just now, GeeGolly said:

And what's with the thread details on the side of the page? We're all going to be traumatized in the Sweet Fellowship thread with pictures of JillR popping up.

What? I mostly post from my phone, so I don't have that. 

8 minutes ago, Jeeves said:

No kidding. I've given up on reading the forums on my phone, too hard to find what I want.

On my laptop, if I go to  the "follows" tab and then click on  "Manage Forum Follows," it brings up the forums I'm following. But it's a raging PITA. Hope they get it fixed.

 

And not feasible if you're on a phone. 

[Absolom]

Using Manage Followed Content is working fairly well for me to see the forums I follow.  If they're bold clicking on them works.  Earlier today there was an error coming up clicking on the home page.  I think that got "fixed" by killing something else.  

This is why upgrades are normally tested offline before going live.  :) 

Edited April 16, 2021 by Absolom

[emmawoodhouse]

3 minutes ago, Absolom said:

Using Manage Followed Content is working fairly well for me to see the forums I follow.  If they're bold clicking on them works.  Earlier today there was an error coming up clicking on the home page.  I think that got "fixed" by killing something else.  

This is why upgrades are normally tested offline before going live.  :) 

Not an option on a phone. And I have looked everywhere.

Okay, I found it, but it shouldn't be that difficult. And to go back to that page after I am done with one forum is a major PITA.

Edited April 16, 2021 by emmawoodhouse

[Minivanessa]

2 minutes ago, GeeGolly said:

And what's with the thread details on the side of the page? We're all going to be traumatized in the Sweet Fellowship thread with pictures of JillR popping up.

No kidding! What a waste of bandwidth that is. Right now it's showing me a post by Churchhoney from 2018, and lookeyloo's sad news of her son's passing last December. Not that anything posted by either of them is ever unwelcome, but why would we want to revisit old and/or sad news? Just because those posts got lots of clicks and reactions?

And there are also random photos - from this forum? I dunno.

But that sidebar sh*t is stupid. Good to know it doesn't show up on a phone, but OTOH I've given up trying to find this forum on my phone. 🤣

What a FAIL.

[emmawoodhouse]

Plenty of people have complained in the Bugs forum. They have no choice but to fix this. 😁

[QuinnInND]

I haven't noticed any huge changes in my phone. I don't post from my computer. Just a couple cosmetic changes. Hopefully they listen to everyone who's having problems with the update. 

This made me laugh today. Any doxie owner can relate. 

[Minivanessa]

5 minutes ago, emmawoodhouse said:

Plenty of people have complained in the Bugs forum. They have no choice but to fix this. 😁

I went to the Bugs forum and didn't see any current posts. Do you have a link to it? Maybe I didn't find the correct forum . . . ? Thanks.

[emmawoodhouse]

1 minute ago, Jeeves said:

I went to the Bugs forum and didn't see any current posts. Do you have a link to it? Maybe I didn't find the correct forum . . . ? Thanks.

Mods have to approve threads that you see there. They are probably swarmed with complaints right about now and NOBODY'S thread has been approved (see the Pet Peeves forum; I am not alone). 

[GeeGolly]

And the 'jump to top' button is missing.

[Jeanne222]

I’m kind of still finding my way around this forum. 

Can I ask who owns it?  I notice a lot of mods and wonder how they are chosen. 

[emmawoodhouse]

4 minutes ago, Jeanne222 said:

I’m kind of still finding my way around this forum. 

Can I ask who owns it?  I notice a lot of mods and wonder how they are chosen. 

At the bottom of the page, it says copyright by Snugglefish Media. Not sure if that's the ownership company though.

[Madtown]

I will say this more and more...Change the theme to IPS default. It's been a lifesaver for me for over a year. No ads either. I did notice the detail stuff on the side of the page, but not until well after I was caught up with all the threads.

I also have my page with the forums I follow bookmarked so as soon as I click it, it takes me to all my forums. The only thing changed for me with this theme, is font(bigger)and the forums are on the right of the page instead of the left.

Edited April 16, 2021 by Madtown

[emmawoodhouse]

My phone "bookmark" takes me to the new "home" page. This is how most access the forums, so I do expect them to fix it.

[emmawoodhouse]

The newest message states that the developers are still working on the customized homepage, but there is no ETA as to when it might be fixed. 

At least they know it's an issue. 

[QuinnInND]

So we had career day one day this week, where the kids came dressed as what they want to be. In my class, we had one teacher, one vet, one basketball player, one policeman, one firefighter, 2 NASA engineers, a radiologist, 2 nurses, a pilot, a plumber, and 3 astronauts. The tiny humans had great costumes. 

Edited April 16, 2021 by QuinnInND

[Jynnan tonnix]

I tried to edit my post earlier, as the first photo came out so big that you couldn't see the entire thing without scrolling, but I don't see an edit button anymore. Don't know whether one ever showed up, as I just came back here after dinner, but it does sound as though they have an abundance of bugs with this update...