S13.E06: Stop and Throw the Roses

[Hangin Out]

20 hours ago, Cosmocrush said:

Isn't Lourdes in her early 20s?   Why is she hanging out with a  38 year old who is a mother to a 12 year old?   On the other hand, why is someone 23 hanging out with such an immature crazy bitch?

BTW, where is this twelve year old during all of this.  With Rob?  The kid must be watching and mortified.

[hypnotoad]

Quote

Racism is real, but I don't want to hear about it on a show that I watch to escape the real world. The same storyline is happening on BH, which makes it feel like bravo is very intentionally trying use racism for a controversial plot. 

I do understand this point of view. I really do. But. But the moment a black woman was added to the cast, it was bound to come up. These housewives don't exactly come across as ... enlightened. I mean I was over the whole 'our gays' or 'my gays' thing years ago. I was also over Ramona's continued use of 'the help.' There are plenty of people out there who do not watch the news or chose to be unaware. So maybe this is a forum for some awareness. I don't think that's a bad thing for the housewives themselves or the viewers. Though I am sure Bravo is just here for controversy not actual awareness.

 

Quote

It’s not any of our jobs to educate anyone else. Read and listen. Educate yourself! If I’m telling you something is racist or micro aggressions, then you’re not learning that for yourself nor do you understand why we feel how we feel. You just know what someone told you.

I am a white woman. I would never view being told I am angry as something other than a comment on my mood. I would never view being told I am articulate as something other than I am well spoken. But I have learned over the years what these things mean to black people. And if Eboni (or anyone else) is telling someone 'this is a micro aggression' then it is. Whether I think it is or not.

Are some of these things uncomfortable to hear? To learn about? To discuss? Oh well. But I'd also point out, if Ramona said something to Luann that hurt Luann's feelings - she'd say something to Ramona. Why can't Eboni point out that calling a black woman angry is an issue - whether you say the black part or not?

Now I don't want Eboni stuck in this role for the entire season - I'd like to see her just have fun.

Leah. Uggghh. I don't want to see or hear her anymore - she is simply the worst.

[Cosmocrush]

1 minute ago, hypnotoad said:

Why can't Eboni point out that calling a black woman angry is an issue - whether you say the black part or not?

She didn't really have time since Th Countess told her to leave HER HOME!  Which was interesting because her talking head interviews were all, "I woke up sick to death to think I might have hurt someone."  

[geauxaway]

1 hour ago, Hangin Out said:

BTW, where is this twelve year old during all of this.  With Rob?  The kid must be watching and mortified.

Or her non catholic (since Leah HATES us) private school would be too.  Maybe she goes to public school since Leah is so woke.

[Kiss my mutt]

It seems like they are treating Eboni more like a curiosity than a cast mate. 

[geauxaway]

12 minutes ago, Kiss my mutt said:

It seems like they are treating Eboni more like a curiosity than a cast mate. 

I mean, IDK how I would feel if someone came at me saying I don’t usually hang out with people like you and proceeded to make everything ugly.  Leah makes Eboni a curiosity. She is her puppet.  

[Feech]

1 hour ago, hypnotoad said:

Now I don't want Eboni stuck in this role for the entire season - I'd like to see her just have fun.

Unfortunately this her job. She is a professional black person. It was the role she played on Fox as well.

Eboni’s job is to be a grievance monger and to take offense at everything and blow it up to an incident that will provide a teachable moment to unwashed masses.

She is very good at her job.

[Mothra]

On 6/8/2021 at 10:20 PM, HotHW said:

So Eboni gets to go around forever assuming to know the intent behind every word everyone else says, never having to listen herself and maybe learn and grow....like she insists others do? Nahh not buying it.

I think the problem is that these white women are trying their best to be welcoming to a new cast member who is a woman of color, but they are not able to take information about such a relationship without feeling threatened.  Part of being welcoming is to accept information that they are unaware of, in this case that "angry black woman" is a tired and distasteful response to a black woman's trying to get her point across.  It's dismissive and disrespectful for black people to hear this tired old put-down, although it may not at all meant to be rude.  These white women didn't realize what "angry black woman" meant to black women, and I hope that they'll stop being so defensive about learning something they didn't know--and that I would think they'd want to know.

Ditto "articulate" btw--did you see the look that passed between Eboni and the dreadful Leah over that one?

[biakbiak]

3 hours ago, Hangin Out said:

BTW, where is this twelve year old during all of this.  With Rob?  The kid must be watching and mortified.

I mean most likely they have stated they have 50/50 custody and though it seems this has been going on forever it’s probably 4 days max! 

[b2H]

On 6/8/2021 at 11:19 PM, Momager said:

And u better believe my white counterparts were never complimented for being “articulate”.

To be honest, just today, my project manager complimented me on being a good communicator.  I am a 65 year old white woman; my PM is a much younger AAP.  I thought it was odd, but I didn’t go off my rocker on it.

[Coltee Gal]

Leah is truly awful. She adds nothing to the show. She takes away from its entertainment value. Eboni is too uptight for this show. She does add any fun or interesting. She looks like she doesn’t even know how to have fun. She’s so serious and dry. I’m black but definitely not in the least bit interested in exploring the black experience via this platform. Just stop already. It’s everywhere and I understand why it is but I don’t watch this show for race lectures and such. Everybody get off the soapbox. Enough already - sheesh.

[BrownBear2012]

5 hours ago, Hangin Out said:

BTW, this was @ Film Noire’s post and it was fantastic.  Does anyone think he reads this?

I did not write that post…how did this happen?

[Momager]

44 minutes ago, b2H said:

To be honest, just today, my project manager complimented me on being a good communicator.  I am a 65 year old white woman; my PM is a much younger AAP.  I thought it was odd, but I didn’t go off my rocker on it.

Please believe me when I tell u that when black people are  called “articulate”, that is a well-worn racist dig. Note I didn’t say “good communicators”, I said “articulate”. Unfortunately this is a common experience among black people - believe it or not. That’s why when Heather used the word, Eboni rolled her eyes. She’s heard it before, as have so many of us. Why is that specific word used over and over again by some white people as a descriptor for a well-spoken black person? It’s b/c black people are assumed to be less well-spoken than white people. 

[Thumper]

5 hours ago, hypnotoad said:

I do understand this point of view. I really do. But. But the moment a black woman was added to the cast, it was bound to come up. These housewives don't exactly come across as ... enlightened. I mean I was over the whole 'our gays' or 'my gays' thing years ago. I was also over Ramona's continued use of 'the help.' There are plenty of people out there who do not watch the news or chose to be unaware. So maybe this is a forum for some awareness. I don't think that's a bad thing for the housewives themselves or the viewers. Though I am sure Bravo is just here for controversy not actual awareness.

 

I am a white woman. I would never view being told I am angry as something other than a comment on my mood. I would never view being told I am articulate as something other than I am well spoken. But I have learned over the years what these things mean to black people. And if Eboni (or anyone else) is telling someone 'this is a micro aggression' then it is. Whether I think it is or not.

Are some of these things uncomfortable to hear? To learn about? To discuss? Oh well. But I'd also point out, if Ramona said something to Luann that hurt Luann's feelings - she'd say something to Ramona. Why can't Eboni point out that calling a black woman angry is an issue - whether you say the black part or not?

Now I don't want Eboni stuck in this role for the entire season - I'd like to see her just have fun.

Leah. Uggghh. I don't want to see or hear her anymore - she is simply the worst.

Yes! I am a white woman too, and I am reading, listening, and trying to learn. Thank you.  Just because we don’t experience it  doesn’t mean it isn’t happening.  We (whites) need to be less defensive.

[SweetieDarling]

Bonus points for those of us who guessed Lu's Partridge Family Bus patterned jumpsuit was Jovani!

https://www.couturecandy.com/products/jovani-1194-multicolored-sequined-halter-jumpsuit?variant=29412513972307

[Hangin Out]

11 hours ago, BrownBear2012 said:

I did not write that post…how did this happen?

Who knows with this thread.  No offense to you of course.😀

[hoodooznoodooz]

3 hours ago, Hangin Out said:

Who knows with this thread.  No offense to you of course.😀

I think this website glitches when it’s extremely active?

ETA: Ack! Sorry, @PrincessPurrsALot. I was going to post what you posted, but began to doubt my memory. Thanks for clarifying!

I will stop discussing this now.

Edited June 11, 2021 by hoodooznoodooz

[Teriacky]

Maybe Eboni will take the ladies on a walking tour of Harlem…

[Rlb8031]

On 6/8/2021 at 11:45 PM, Shannah Banana said:

Eboni can quit being the victim and take responsibility herself, for her own trigger words.  If you have trigger words, then work on yourself and quit blaming other people for your angry reactions to a fucking WORD.  It's a WORD, used a million times a day, in different settings and different ways.  It's not rocket science, it's personal responsibility and the victim card does not work with me with any of these HoWives.  She actually had the opportunity to be the bigger person and apologize to Luann, in consideration of Luann's feelings, but Eboni isn't nearly as confident as she thinks she is. 

 

 

Why should Eboni apologize to Luann? She stated a fact - that she has more degrees than any of the other women on the show. It was Luann who was triggered by the implication she was uneducated, when the fact that she does not have as many degrees is indisputable. If Eboni is going to be asked to swallow her discomfort, Luann should do the same and not expect an apology for something that Eboni has no control over. If Luann wants to be thought of as highly educated, there are literally hundreds of schools in NY she could attend to fix that. Pot. meet kettle...

[PrincessPurrsALot]

There is a known issue with the site.  It often happens that if you quote something that was quoted within another post, the incorrect user is assigned to the quoted post.  The best thing is to find the original post and use the multi-quote option as needed.  

If you have questions regarding site functionality, please PM a mod directly or go to the Site Business > Bugs, Questions and Suggestions forum.  These discussions do tend to take the threads off topic.  Thanks! 

[AnnMarie17]

On 6/10/2021 at 2:43 PM, PrincessPurrsALot said:

I agree with others that her family likely did not want her around when grandma was dying.  Leah would take all the energy.  There is a saying in emergency medicine when managing a critical scene, "Take care of the crazy first."  Why? Because they will keep you from helping others.  If Leah was at grandma's death bed before the last minute, the family would have to spend all of their time caring for her and would miss precious time talking to the person dying and being able to support each other. 

This is my hunch, as well.  I can't imagine the frustration of trying to deal with Leah as your loved one is dying...it's just too much. Leah ALONE is too much for me, there's no way I could tolerate her in the midst of my grief, and I suspect her family felt the same.

That being said, does anyone know if her grandmother actually passed away?  I could absolutely see this all being a big lie concocted for attention.  Perhaps they said on the show, but I'm not watching because I do not find the "I Love Leah" shit-show entertaining.

I love "take care of the crazy first"...I think it applies to teaching, and parenting, as well! 

[Boo Boo]

On 6/10/2021 at 2:33 PM, ladle said:

How does Sonja sound so rational and erudite in her talking heads??  I never thought I'd be nodding along with her as she described the landscape of race in America, and yet...  So, is her zany persona a put-on for the show?  Is it the difference between Drunk Sonja and Sober Sonja?  I'm so confused.  

Ohhhh Heather.  Noooo.  *cringe*

I've been meaning to ask, what's up with LuAnn's statement necklace that's emitting an aura in her talking head?  Is it supposed to be doing that?  So distracting. 

I think ever since the Gray Gardens comparison hit (which was more about her townhouse than her personality) that she decided to pretend that she's an eccentric.  Complete act IMO.

[Feech]

2 hours ago, Teriacky said:

Maybe Eboni will take the ladies on a walking tour of Harlem…

Harlem is much too gentrified. It is the physical equivalent of Heather’s claims of authenticity by knowing rich rappers.

Eboni should take them to East New York or Brownsville if she wants to really educate them. Specifically around New Lots Avenue. She should also take them on the train.

That I would like to see.

[PrincessPurrsALot]

Folks,

Let's remember that Black Americans exist across all areas of the country and have both same in some aspects and varied life experiences.  With that in mind, let's not generalize.  The show's focus was based on "Puffy" and Beyoncé living well outside the norms of the vast majority of Americans.  Let's keep this perspective.  Thanks!

[Baltimore Betty]

1 hour ago, AnnMarie17 said:

"I Love Leah"

I am praying that this title does not get out to the universe and lands in Andy's brain, if it does we might have "I Love Leah," as the next spin off from RHONY, it would just be so horrible.

 

[Hiyo]

But then she’d be off the show, right?

[Cosmocrush]

3 hours ago, Teriacky said:

Maybe Eboni will take the ladies on a walking tour of Harlem…

I thought she lived in Tribeca. 

[Hiyo]

“Maybe Eboni will take the ladies on a walking tour of Harlem…”

These women can barely stomach a trip to Brooklyn, going to Harlem might have them reaching for the vapors...

[Baltimore Betty]

5 minutes ago, Hiyo said:

“Maybe Eboni will take the ladies on a walking tour of Harlem…”

These women can barely stomach a trip to Brooklyn, going to Harlem might have them reaching for the vapors...

They might clutch their pearls.

[chlban]

1 hour ago, Hiyo said:

But then she’d be off the show, right?

That's what I was thinking. Go for it, give her a spin off.

[65mickey]

4 hours ago, AnnMarie17 said:

This is my hunch, as well.  I can't imagine the frustration of trying to deal with Leah as your loved one is dying...it's just too much. Leah ALONE is too much for me, there's no way I could tolerate her in the midst of my grief, and I suspect her family felt the same.

That being said, does anyone know if her grandmother actually passed away?  I could absolutely see this all being a big lie concocted for attention.  Perhaps they said on the show, but I'm not watching because I do not find the "I Love Leah" shit-show entertaining.

I love "take care of the crazy first"...I think it applies to teaching, and parenting, as well! 

Her grandmother died last October. 

[Kiss my mutt]

Heather being the white spokesperson for black issues bugged me this episode. 
I’m really enjoying Eboni and find her quite warm and genuine and is such an effective communicator compared to the rest of this bunch. I’m sure her experience as an attorney and media career certainly plays a part. 
Leah is a pain in the ass. 

[Glama]

On 6/9/2021 at 5:07 AM, Stats Queen said:

The receiver may receive something that they perceive to be a microagression which for the sender was a comment. Eboni may experience it as a microagression but Heather may have been trying to put things into context.

Eboni receiving it as a microagression and was how she interpreted the message, what Heather said and meant may have been the opposite but may have thought she was helping build a bridge.

This is what happens in communication, be it couples, friends, work teams - the intent behind the communication vs. the intent. In order for it to be resolved, the parties involved need to actual listen to each other and not divine intent- that’s a lazy way out and leads to labeling people, preventing people from learning from each other, and basically “you’re bad, I’m good” - Me Tarzan, you Bad.

I’m sorry but the ascribing labels unto people or groups of people leads to more and more divisiveness which is the last thing we need.

l 
 

Statsqueen, you were replying to eleanorofaquitain's comment, and I was trying to find that original comment because I want to read more on this miggroaggression topic. Could you possible point me where to find the original comment? 

I haven't watched the whole episode yet. I think they had a great conversation and I thought all was good but then Heather came to get her bag and there was miggroaggression. I thought it was a compliment, what she said, but Eboni attached a different meaning to it and I wnat to know more. I'm learning so much from these shows! I didn't come for the education but now I'm here for it! 

 

Edit: I've now been reading the thread and someone posted a link to the 'articulate' thing and I know get it. I need to read the stuff in the link. I'm not from the US, or even a native English speaking country so this isn't something I could learn in my everyday life, and that's why I'm asking all these questions. 

Edited June 12, 2021 by Glama

[RHOSingapore]

On 6/10/2021 at 5:57 PM, Hangin Out said:

BTW, where is this twelve year old during all of this.  With Rob?  The kid must be watching and mortified.

[Kdawg82]

I can't even read through the forums here. You've all pretty much said all I would've said or thought. I might be out for the season on this one. It's summer & I have better things to do than tune into an adult having childlike tantrums. We know who I'm referring to.  Afraid typing the name will render her rehired next season. 

[Hiyo]

Quote

I have better things to do than tune into an adult having childlike tantrums. We know who I'm referring to.  Afraid typing the name will render her rehired next season. 

She's like the Candyman of HWs. Say her name 3 times and she shows up, in some truly strange fah-shun outfit, ready to cause havoc and terrorize people with her antics.

[Boo Boo]

On 6/10/2021 at 1:12 AM, maggiemae said:

Eboni's resume is impressive. Media personality and lawyer.

Yet she chose to be a housewife.

I think Andy is crazy these days, Leah and Eboni - racism and anger and no fun on the show....

What is his point?

I would like to thing he could have given Leah time off for her dying grandmother except neither seemed to discuss that.

 

 

I know people in the media that are selling cars now.  Very few are able to maintain long careers in the media, especially when you're a woman and start aging out.   It's a really, really tough biz.  Same with lawyers.  I know a lot of broke lawyers.  

And most of the HWs are in it for either fame or promoting what they are doing.  Eboni has her own late night show on Sean Combs station Revolt with a couple of others.  And isn't she doing a podcast as well?

I'll be honest: I had no idea who she was before this show.  I'm guessing I'm not the only one.  So she's probably getting paid well enough and it's raising her profile.  Seems like a very smart career move for her unless she starts doing the Leah/Sonja vulgar drunk act.  

[Bluesky]

On 6/10/2021 at 8:17 PM, Feech said:

Unfortunately this her job. She is a professional black person. It was the role she played on Fox as well.

Eboni’s job is to be a grievance monger and to take offense at everything and blow it up to an incident that will provide a teachable moment to unwashed masses.

She is very good at her job.

To be fair what housewife hasn’t blown up incidents, exaggerated and made mountains out of molehills?   It’s the “teachable “ moments I can do without.  

[ladle]

I realize that the options were limited with Covid and all, but this "pageant" may be the most nonsensical "event" in RHW history.  

[Otherkate]

I've given up after this episode and turned back to RHoBH. It's not perfect, but at least Leah isn't there.

When she said she was going straight to her family when she left, I was overwhelmed with pity for her parents. She's ruined this show, I can only imagine what she's done to her family. Will check back in when/if she goes. Will miss Luann and the noodle, but that's what repeats are for.

[emmawoodhouse]

It's still sitting on my DVR unwatched. Nothing said here has tempted me into trying to slog through it.

[film noire]

 

On 6/12/2021 at 2:05 AM, Glama said:

Edit: I've now been reading the thread and someone posted a link to the 'articulate' thing and I know get it. I need to read the stuff in the link. I'm not from the US, or even a native English speaking country so this isn't something I could learn in my everyday life, and that's why I'm asking all these questions. 

Wow - how cool, Glama - as Ramona would say (using a word that does not exist in any language) Kadooz!

[Glama]

8 hours ago, film noire said:

 

Wow - how cool, Glama - as Ramona would say (using a word that does not exist in any language) Kadooz!

You won't be saying that anymore when you realize this show has clawed its way into so many different countries, and this morning I read in the news that Scott Disick had posted a questionable picture of his girlfriend on Instagram or whatever. It said the girlfriend is Amelia Gray, Rinna's spawn. This is how I start my mornings! This is how I spend my time! I could be doing so much more with my life 🤯😅

[Bluesky]

On 6/10/2021 at 10:00 PM, Momager said:

Please believe me when I tell u that when black people are  called “articulate”, that is a well-worn racist dig. Note I didn’t say “good communicators”, I said “articulate”. Unfortunately this is a common experience among black people - believe it or not. That’s why when Heather used the word, Eboni rolled her eyes. She’s heard it before, as have so many of us. Why is that specific word used over and over again by some white people as a descriptor for a well-spoken black person? It’s b/c black people are assumed to be less well-spoken than white people. 

It’s too bad that one can’t be let go because it is a big deal to be articulate for a young person who’s going out in the real world.    It’s a skill that can come naturally or someone worked very hard at it.  I’m been awed at listening to young people of all races who have great speaking skills and wished I had that skill. But to praise an older person can be very insulting.  

[hoodooznoodooz]

59 minutes ago, Bluesky said:

It’s too bad that one can’t be let go because it is a big deal to be articulate for a young person who’s going out in the real world.    It’s a skill that can come naturally or something one worked very hard at it.  I’ve been awed at listening to young people of all races who have great speaking skills and wished I had that skill. But to praise an older person can be very insulting.  

My parents were immigrants from China; I was born here. Someone marveled that I spoke English so well.

Another person asked me if I owned a restaurant.

Even a close friend asked me to recommend a good Chinese restaurant in Manhattan. I told her that she could ask anyone walking down the street for a recommendation that would be superior to anything I could think up.
 

I don’t mind anymore, but I used to cry when I was under the age of 18.

Residents in Hoboken, NJ, often confuse me with another Asian mom and call me by her name. I don’t care, but my sister thinks that I should correct them so as not to perpetuate the laziness.

[Teriacky]

…or stupidity.

[film noire]

2 hours ago, hoodooznoodooz said:

Residents in Hoboken, NJ, often confuse me with another Asian mom and call me by her name. I don’t care, but my sister thinks that I should correct them so as not to perpetuate the laziness.

I'm so sorry, Hoodooz. That kind of erasure must be painful and beyond difficult to handle. 

On 6/14/2021 at 2:13 AM, Glama said:

You won't be saying that anymore when you realize this show has clawed its way into so many different countries

The infamous CoRamona Virus - it's everywhere! ; )

[SweetieDarling]

23 minutes ago, film noire said:

The infamous CoRamona Virus - it's everywhere! ; )

Symptoms include bulging eyes:

 

and convulsions:

[retired watcher]

On 6/10/2021 at 9:07 PM, b2H said:

To be honest, just today, my project manager complimented me on being a good communicator.  I am a 65 year old white woman; my PM is a much younger AAP.  I thought it was odd, but I didn’t go off my rocker on it.

Being articulate is different from being a good communicator. Saying a black person is articulate means they talk like a white person.

[Bluesky]

7 hours ago, hoodooznoodooz said:

My parents were immigrants from China; I was born here. Someone marveled that I spoke English so well.

Another person asked me if I owned a restaurant.

Even a close friend asked me to recommend a good Chinese restaurant in Manhattan. I told her that she could ask anyone walking down the street for a recommendation that would be superior to anything I could think up.
 

I don’t mind anymore, but I used to cry when I was under the age of 18.

Residents in Hoboken, NJ, often confuse me with another Asian mom and call me by her name. I don’t care, but my sister thinks that I should correct them so as not to perpetuate the laziness.

Yeah, saying you speak English so well is insensitive.   Half my family is so inarticulate that I appreciate when I hear a well spoken teen.   I don’t remember ever telling a young person that but I’ve thought it a lot.