S11.E07: Why Not One Home?

[Fostersmom]

1 hour ago, Kyanight said:

Yeah THAT would never happen!  She had to get her virginity back you know.  (Seriously).  So she's "never" slept with anyone but Kody.  She's such a fruitcake!

How does that work when she had kids by the first husband? Do they not exist in the eyes of the religion? And if first husband had died, would the rules be the same? 

[Natalie68]

On 2/18/2020 at 5:01 PM, DakotaJustice said:

Oh please be snarky 😂

Don't forget the tortillas! It's a yellow palate. 
 

I always notice those HUGE cans on most of the shelves - I think their "fabulous food pantry" consists primarily of those "survival rations" like Costco sells online. 

And canned corn.

I always thought it was from the Bishops Storehouse or some other LDS thing but the plyg version.  

[Kyanight]

6 minutes ago, Fostersmom said:

How does that work when she had kids by the first husband? Do they not exist in the eyes of the religion? And if first husband had died, would the rules be the same? 

This has nothing to do with ANYTHING except Robyn's warped mind.

[Fostersmom]

1 minute ago, Kyanight said:

This has nothing to do with ANYTHING except Robyn's warped mind.

Thats even more messed up then if she just made it all up herself. I could almost go with it if it was actually a faith based idea. 

[monagatuna]

11 hours ago, Roslyn said:

Actually...the Mormons (LDS) have their own food pantries, like bulk food stores.  Part of their religious teachings is to always be prepared for the end times when they will need to survive after "the end of the world as we know it".  Long before people started calling themselves "preppers" or "survivalists" the Mormons were requiring members to have several years of basic foods stocked in pantries.  They have online calculators where you can determine exactly what you need on hand depending on the size of the family.  Some of these pantries are open to non-church members or you just need to have a church member shopping with you. More than likely in Utah, Christine shopped at her local Mormon bulk pantry, that's what the labels on the #10 cans looked like to me. I believe this is how the FLDS also got into food stamp fraud since the members would just turn in their food stamps to the church market and then only get a ration of food. 

These days you can just order from websites and have palettes of #10 cans of all kinds of bulk foods brought to your door.

When I was growing up, we lived next door to our monogamous Mormon uncle, and once we went over to borrow some syrup and came back with a giant gallon jug. My mom told me they have to have a year's worth of food stockpiled in case of an emergency so they could help their neighbors. My uncle's family was not otherwise weirdos so that's the version I choose to believe.

[DakotaJustice]

1 hour ago, Natalie68 said:

I always thought it was from the Bishops Storehouse or some other LDS thing but the plyg version.  

I'm a Presbyterian, so the only place I've seen those giant cans is at Costco. My local one had the Giant Armageddon Can Pyramid on display a few years ago and that's when I got to try the food. Some sort of beef, I think. 

[KateHearts]

20 hours ago, b2H said:

Not so sure about that - Robyn was going to lose her kids to her ex, unless Kody could make an honest woman out of her. 

I don't recall that there was ever an imminent threat that Robyn's ex was going to take their kids. The discussion in earlier seasons, as I recall, was that Kody being legally married to Robyn would protect her kids from that threat; also hers were the youngest of the clan so Meri "offered" the divorce as a way to protect Robyn.

Meri and Robyn had a very close relationship early on; Meri introduced her and suggested the courtship; they talked on the couch in season 2 about their bond and closeness. I am not sure how this all unraveled but that's why I'm watching old seasons with a close eye to see where things started to turn.

[laurakaye]

5 hours ago, KateHearts said:

I don't recall that there was ever an imminent threat that Robyn's ex was going to take their kids. The discussion in earlier seasons, as I recall, was that Kody being legally married to Robyn would protect her kids from that threat; also hers were the youngest of the clan so Meri "offered" the divorce as a way to protect Robyn.

My take - after watching Robyn send ice-cold chills straight down my spine for the past few years - is that Robyn went to Kody and cried about her doomsday scenario where her awful meanie cookie-stealing-ex-husband could take her kids away, then carefully explained, so his pea-brain would understand, that the only way that couldn't happen is if she was his legal wife - but that she'd never ask him to do that to Meri.  Then she locked away her cache of Victoria's Secret lingerie until Kody went to Meri and dropped several anvil-sized hints that she needed to divorce him for the sake of Day'un/Aurora/Brianna, and harped on her until she relented.  Then Kody went to Robyn and told her that not only did Meri agree to the divorce, it was actually her idea (absolving both he and Robyn of any actual subterfuge).  Robyn gave Kody the key to her special locked cookie drawer (ew) and everyone lived happily ever after except Meri, who basically had a nervous breakdown IN FRONT OF KODY on the way to the lawyer's office, which he roundly ignored in an effort to get her out the door before she changed her mind.

Oh, and then Robyn sent her three kids to visit with the evil cookie-stealer for two weeks.

Does this sound about right?

[Soaper410]

I only know one Morman family (enough to go to their home) and yes they are 100% Costco lovers.  They have a large walk in pantry with stockpiles of food (can, boxes,etc.) and a place in both their attic and first floor that has identical toiletry items in bulk (soaps, toilet paper, basic medicines, water filters, seeds, starter logs for fires, feminine hygiene products,  etc.) 

It didn't occur to me it had anything to do with their religion.  But the wife told me about the Morman food and supply banks. She said it has been ingrained in her head from childhood that one hurricane (we live in the south), one winter storm, etc. could knock off access to supplies and food for weeks if not months & also that if they ever fell on truly hard times, they would be able to make it.  She explained growing up, they always had enough stuff to get her whole family for 6-9 months.   So she did the same with her family. 

 

 

 

 

[Kyanight]

56 minutes ago, laurakaye said:

My take - after watching Robyn send ice-cold chills straight down my spine for the past few years - is that Robyn went to Kody and cried about her doomsday scenario where her awful meanie cookie-stealing-ex-husband could take her kids away, then carefully explained, so his pea-brain would understand, that the only way that couldn't happen is if she was his legal wife - but that she'd never ask him to do that to Meri.  Then she locked away her cache of Victoria's Secret lingerie until Kody went to Meri and dropped several anvil-sized hints that she needed to divorce him for the sake of Day'un/Aurora/Brianna, and harped on her until she relented.  Then Kody went to Robyn and told her that not only did Meri agree to the divorce, it was actually her idea (absolving both he and Robyn of any actual subterfuge).  Robyn gave Kody the key to her special locked cookie drawer (ew) and everyone lived happily ever after except Meri, who basically had a nervous breakdown IN FRONT OF KODY on the way to the lawyer's office, which he roundly ignored in an effort to get her out the door before she changed her mind.

Oh, and then Robyn sent her three kids to visit with the evil cookie-stealer for two weeks.

Does this sound about right?

Yep!  It sounds right!  And don't forget about how, when TLC filmed this scenario AFTER the fact in the Judge's chambers, Meri cried and cried - while Robyn looked like a fat cat that swallowed the canary and SMIRKED - and Kody just stared/smiled/mooned at Robyn and freaking ignored Meri.   OMG my blood boils.

[aimlessbird]

Yeah, and Robyn wanted them to throw another wedding celebration for her Kody for their new legal marriage.  Thankfully, Kody said no to that.  (At least on camera they probably had a party anyways that they did not televise.)  Robyn was over the moon in her triumphant glee.  I actually felt bad for Meri.

Edited February 21, 2020 by aimlessbird
Repeated myself

[b2H]

Never mind.

Edited February 20, 2020 by b2H

[Kyanight]

7 minutes ago, b2H said:

Never mind.

Feel free to disagree - at least with me!  I can always try to look at other people's sides!!

[b2H]

8 minutes ago, Kyanight said:

Feel free to disagree - at least with me!  I can always try to look at other people's sides!!

No, it wasn't that.  I had a diatribe - a moment of insanity - on the previous poster's discussion about the stockpiling of food in the event of a natural disaster.  Decided the better for it.  🙂

[65mickey]

4 hours ago, laurakaye said:

My take - after watching Robyn send ice-cold chills straight down my spine for the past few years - is that Robyn went to Kody and cried about her doomsday scenario where her awful meanie cookie-stealing-ex-husband could take her kids away, then carefully explained, so his pea-brain would understand, that the only way that couldn't happen is if she was his legal wife - but that she'd never ask him to do that to Meri.  Then she locked away her cache of Victoria's Secret lingerie until Kody went to Meri and dropped several anvil-sized hints that she needed to divorce him for the sake of Day'un/Aurora/Brianna, and harped on her until she relented.  Then Kody went to Robyn and told her that not only did Meri agree to the divorce, it was actually her idea (absolving both he and Robyn of any actual subterfuge).  Robyn gave Kody the key to her special locked cookie drawer (ew) and everyone lived happily ever after except Meri, who basically had a nervous breakdown IN FRONT OF KODY on the way to the lawyer's office, which he roundly ignored in an effort to get her out the door before she changed her mind.

Oh, and then Robyn sent her three kids to visit with the evil cookie-stealer for two weeks.

Does this sound about right?

Bingo! And therein lies the reason behind Meri seeking out Sam. She was most likely so hurt and betrayed by Kody that she was willing to trust a stranger on the internet for attention and the promise of affection from someone that she assumed was a male. Pe I always felt empathy towards her afer what Kody put her through. She has been humilated by this and treated horribly by her daughter. 

[TurtlePower]

30 minutes ago, 65mickey said:

Bingo! And therein lies the reason behind Meri seeking out Sam. She was most likely so hurt and betrayed by Kody that she was willing to trust a stranger on the internet for attention and the promise of affection from someone that she assumed was a male. Pe I always felt empathy towards her afer what Kody put her through. She has been humilated by this and treated horribly by her daughter. 

And I’d be okay with ALL this had Meri just come out and said she was lonely, felt hurt and sought out attention. 

But, no. She blames it all on “Sam”. She took zero responsibility. 

[LibertarianSlut]

If Christine wanted to be the last wife...that’s nice.  Did she do anything to protect that interest?  Ok, so she met Kody when she was 18 or 19 and she was brainwashed into this lifestyle...I guess.  But what is she doing to protect herself now that she is a fairly worldly woman?  She has been on TV for 10 damn years.  I think it’s a bitch move to just gulp down the bitterness of polygamy and try to do monogamy within polygamy.  That’s not what you bargained for.  Kody will only give her scraps until she asserts herself.  She used to be my favorite, and I actually thought she believed in this and she was getting happier and happier, and now she is clearly unhappy.  Do something about it that is not half-assed.  Leave, like Janelle did, but only come back if Kody meets your needs or don’t come back at all.  She is still cute.  I could so see her with a divorced man in his 50s who has grown children (for some reason, in my mind, he is bearded) and they can make each other happy for the rest of their days.

I do not advocate for divorce lightly, especially when there are children involved, but one of the biggest reasons is because it’s sad for kids to come from broken homes.  In this case, they’re already in broken homes, so what do they have to lose?  It wouldn’t even be a divorce, since they’re not married to him, it would be a renegotiation and a break from a “romantic” relationship that is hanging by a thread

As far as Kody and the divorce from Meri so that he could marry Robyn, so that he could get her kids, I just wanted to add that this was done as a pretext for adoption.  And Kody said it was all and only about the fact that if Robyn died and he didn’t adopt her kids, they would go to her ex-husband.  Alright, then why did you have that psychotic portrait made up of you, Robyn and the kids “as if you had been together since day one,” ya freak?  

But I will stand up for Kody for one second.  After the adoption, people always asked, especially since the Browns claim they only consider marriage a piece of paper, “Kody, now that you adopted the kids, will you divorce Robyn and remarry Meri?  Or marry Christine, the only one who’s never been legally married?”  Kody never said this (that I know of), but I can understand why he wouldn’t get the divorce, get the marriage, adopt the kids, get another divorce, and (re)marry another woman.  He’s already living a polygamous lifestyle on TV.  Getting a series of divorces to manipulate himself into the best position for “this lifestyle” could look like he’s thumbing his nose at the system (because he is) and if the government can’t find a specific tort or crime that he committed, like fraud, he could very likely find himself audited by the IRS, which is one of the worst things that can happen to a person, so I’ve heard.  

Which is why I posted that anyone who went along with this—and apparently it was at least Meri—deserves what they get.  People were responding, when I asked, that Kody was pushing for it hard, but...what are the rules?  Two or three other wives couldn’t band together and put their feet down and just say, “no”?  How does this work?  Is there a group conscience thing, is it a democracy, or does Kody get the final say?  I think—and I only started watching around the time that Christine was giving birth to Truely, so maybe I’m wrong—but I think they all three eventually went along with it.  None of them were freaking 19 at that point!  What was their excuse?

No matter what, no matter how much they were bamboozled, the fact is that they let a woman in with three preexisting young children and no one discussed adoption, and the ramifications it would have on the family dynamic.  And now they are all extremely unhappy.  They’ve been unhappy at least since Christine said she was “jealous as can be,” but wouldn’t say more, since Meri fellated a banana and since Janelle doubled in size.  Robyn’s not happy, but I am far from concerned about Robyn.  Robyn will put a switchblade to your throat in an alley to get a crust of bread.  

But as for the first three wives, at least Meri and Christine?  Fucking do something, anything, to take your power back.  If Janelle was as mentally healthy and strong as she’s sometimes given credit for, she never would have pulled that poor high school junior out of school, and away from his sports and girlfriend to follow “the faaamily” to Arizona. They’re making me sick.  Is this like a domino effect, like someone needs to take action first and they all will?  Because I will book a flight to Flagstaff and take the planks out of their eyes so fast that the floppy-haired man-child will be in the fetal position, sucking his thumb, FaceTiming Nancy, and texting Caleb Branch (who has blocked him) in a feckless attempt to hold on to his identify as Stupendous Man.  

In all seriousness, maybe they do need a professional intervention.  I don’t care what your childhood was like, or whether you were taught that monogamists are evil.  Every generation should be better than the last, they have access to the outside world, and if Mitch takes a second wife or any of these kids get fucked up because their parents were too scared to take up for them, I’m going to be pissed.  I’m already pissed about the junk science they were buying into about Ysabel’s spine, when the medical doctor told them it was not working.  Grow up and take some responsibility, if not for yourself, for your kids.  

It’s easy for me to place the blame with Kody and Robyn, but they’re all sort of awful people right now.  

[Kyanight]

17 minutes ago, LibertarianSlut said:

And now they are all extremely unhappy.  They’ve been unhappy at least since Christine said she was “jealous as can be,” but wouldn’t say more, since Meri fellated a banana and since Janelle doubled in size.  Robyn’s not happy, but I am far from concerned about Robyn.  Robyn will put a switchblade to your throat in an alley to get a crust of bread.  

Bravo on your entire post!  It was great!!   And as for this small part that I quoted - SO TRUE - and I laughed out loud at the bold.

[LabScientist]

On 2/17/2020 at 7:56 AM, bichonblitz said:

I didn't realize the new big house would only have one main kitchen. Was I hearing that right?

No, each wife/apartment would have its own kitchen, but there would also be a kitchen in the common area that they could use when they have their big gatherings.

[LuvMyShows]

22 minutes ago, LabScientist said:

No, each wife/apartment would have its own kitchen, but there would also be a kitchen in the common area that they could use when they have their big gatherings.

What's funny is that the common kitchen, as pictured, is far too small for a big gathering!

[Sandy W]

2 minutes ago, LuvMyShows said:

What's funny is that the common kitchen, as pictured, is far too small for a big gathering!

I think the common kitchen would just be mainly for serving, keeping things warm in the oven etc.  I can't see them all bustling about in a common kitchen preparing meals or for that matter, Kody cooking a family meal.

More likely Christine would be cooking in her own kitchen, foil containers of mock ravioli, tater tots and mock tapioca pudding, checking to make sure the coast is clear in the hallways before rushing down to the Lion's Den, hoping she doesn't encounter another wife enroute with her own contribution to the family meal.

[Meowwww]

On 2/19/2020 at 8:06 PM, Pegasaurus said:

In the end, Kody will be left with his good buddy, Janelle.  And a few kids who stop by to visit once in a while. Maybe he should be looking for  wife #5 after all.

Heh.  Janelle will be in her (messy) RV by then. 

[Tabbygirl521]

On 2/19/2020 at 11:05 AM, Joan of Argh said:

Ohhhh yes we've noticed it and snarked it.... I think we should give it a name. 😂

I think the bottom tooth is new. The one we’ve been noticing is on top, yes?

[the-grey-lady]

Egads, fellow snarkers. This week's recap is finally ready. Send brownies c/o The Grey Lady. Please.

Spoiler

I’m sorry for the lateness of this recap, but in my defense, I had to watch last week’s episode first, and…well, have you seen how boring these people are? It’s a wonder I didn’t have to gnaw my own arm off to get away.

 

Previously on “Sister” “Wives”…Kody ruined Christmas with his never-going-to-happen “we should all live in one house idea.” Less than content with destroying the fambly holiday, Kody brings up the idea again in his typically modest, unassuming style. Meanwhile, the “wives” complained about having to see Kody so much as acknowledge the existence of the other “wives”…or, you know, polygamy. Meri wore a parade of increasingly hideous, hilariously small jackets.

 

Oh god, Robyn is going to cry during this episode. Do I really have to do this? Can’t I play Sudoku instead? Pleeeeeease? Fine, fine. I’ll suffer for my art.

 

And here we go. Meri has invited the other “wives” over, and she and Robyn are going to make dream boards. Snork. Meri is actually interacting with the fam, undoubtedly due to the snarking of various message board posters, myself included. So anyway, Robyn loves vision boards, ‘cause she’s made them before and her visions always come true, like becoming a plural wife. Christine believes in vision boards religiously, and I’m temporarily relieved that she believes in something religiously. Janelle is…there. She doesn’t give a shit about vision boards, or about anything, really. So, the usual. Seriously, she must’ve used up the energy from the morning sludge shake on the drive over.

 

Christine doesn’t want to live in one house. Remember that now, because she’s not going to say it again.

 

Cue lameo flashbacks of the fambly in Lehi, which was apparently the greatest way to live ever, even though everyone was miserable and jealous all the damn time. The wives debate the one home idea, and I’m not sure why the entire discussion doesn’t end immediately when Christine says she isn’t interested. So they keep debating the idea. At some point, I fall into a coma and have to be revived by a group of hot paramedics. So there’s that.

 

Robyn thought she’d have another baby, but now…she probably won’t? She doesn’t say for sure.

 

JANELLE TALKS ABOUT THEIR RELIGION. HOLY SHIT. Their views on children involve predestination, or the idea that their kids were “meant” to come to them. Which means that Meri pissed someone off big time, and Robyn may or may not be ignoring a spirit destined for her fambly.

 

Christine is all, “I only have one opinion! That doesn’t mean the giant monstrosity won’t happen!” conveniently ignoring the fact that every “wife” in one house won’t happen without her because she is ONE OF SAID “WIVES.”

 

Remember how Meri and Janelle hate each other? Yeah, that’s still a thing. Maybe they should paint cans to strengthen the bond they don’t have. Janelle points out that being a fambly means…you know, acting like a fambly.

 

Blah blah more one house talk blah blah we all know this isn’t going to happen blah blah remember how great it was when we were all up in each other’s biz all the damn time blah blah it was not fucking great blah blah

 

Janelle comes a hair’s breath away from admitting that building a huge house is a bad idea because there so close to not needing all that space as their kids get older and move out, but TLC interrupts this refreshing dose of sanity with a talking head by Robyn, who bemoans how much easier her “sister” “wives” have it because their kids are no longer little. So basically, Robyn complains about a) her own choices, and b) the nature of biology. Cool.

 

The “wives” are suspicious about the idea that Kody is talking to the other “wives.” Such a healthy dynamic here. Nothing to see here.

 

Things are really haaaaaard for Kody, guys. He has so much to doooooooo. He’s so put upooooon. He neeeeeeeds his very own space. Won’t someone save Kody from the consequences of his own actions?! This is what the “wives” spend their ultra-depressing get-together discussing: the many woes of Kody Brown and how sorry for him they feel. Puke.

 

Janelle is moving again, and she’s gonna be closer to the fambly. We suffer through a giggly, barely-decipherable moving montage, but there’s no commentary on Kody’s ass, thank the maker for that. Kody’s hair makes him look like some kind of Geico caveman dressed as Shirley Temple. What is seen cannot be unseen.

 

Kody seems to think that his desires equal reality. Like, if he wants his houses in Vegas to sell, then that’ll happen. He is absolutely gobsmacked to realize that there is not, in fact, some Plyg Genie ready to grant all his wishes. Speaking of wishes, Kody wants answers on the one house idea, and he wants them now. Well, really – he wants to hear the answer he wants, which isn’t going to happen.

 

But before we can effectively kill Kody’s ill-advised dream, we have to listen to the wives prattle on about inheritance, and then they apologize to Kody about having fucking feelings. Snooze. Meri doesn’t want to live in one house because Kody doesn’t want anything to do with her, and it’s easier to pretend things are okay between them if they live separately. Kody blames Christine for torpedoing his shitty idea, and then he whines about how he’s so irresistible which means that the wives simply cannot handle their own jealousy.

 

Did you know that it’s technically illegal to marry more than one woman? Well, it is, and Robyn is here to explain it to you. She just haaaates being the only legal wife. It’s just aaaaawful.

Robyn remembers the halcyon days of the cuddle-sac in Vegas. She cries, snotty nose, eye boogers, and all. Janelle lectures the viewing audience on how the fambly was closer in Utah, when they all lived together, because they had to work out their crap. Like, you know, Meri and Janelle’s antipathy. They totally worked that out decades ago.

 

Kody wants to know why his fambly doesn’t have the functionality to live in one home. I’m off to draft a treatise about his dysfunctional fambly. Meanwhile, Kody is preparing yet another godawful PowerPoint presentation. This isn’t over, folks. Batten down the hatches. A storm is brewing.

 

[Joan of Argh]

1 hour ago, Tabbygirl521 said:

I think the bottom tooth is new. The one we’ve been noticing is on top, yes?

Yes you're correct, sorry I thought it was the top front tooth being discussed.

I can't keep up with their hillbilly dentistry plan.  😬

 

[Yeah No]

So Janelle moved to be closer to the fam. and wants to live in one big house while Christine wants to live separately so no one can see her being all lovey dovey with the K-douche.  Yeah, Janelle's not gettin' any.  Too bad being closer isn't going to change anything for her.  So two wives are not in the "rotation", at least not for sex.  It looks like Christine and Robyn are the only ones still in it.

[neh]

5 hours ago, Joan of Argh said:

Yes you're correct, sorry I thought it was the top front tooth being discussed.

I can't keep up with their hillbilly dentistry plan.  😬

 

Yep, I never noticed the bottom tooth before either. It looks worse than the top one. 

[Kyanight]

49 minutes ago, neh said:

Yep, I never noticed the bottom tooth before either. It looks worse than the top one. 

She's going to look just great when her neglected teeth start falling out.  Sell an ugly legging and go to the dentist already!

[DaphneCat]

9 hours ago, the-grey-lady said:

Egads, fellow snarkers. This week's recap is finally ready. Send brownies c/o The Grey Lady. Please.

  Hide contents

I’m sorry for the lateness of this recap, but in my defense, I had to watch last week’s episode first, and…well, have you seen how boring these people are? It’s a wonder I didn’t have to gnaw my own arm off to get away.

 

Previously on “Sister” “Wives”…Kody ruined Christmas with his never-going-to-happen “we should all live in one house idea.” Less than content with destroying the fambly holiday, Kody brings up the idea again in his typically modest, unassuming style. Meanwhile, the “wives” complained about having to see Kody so much as acknowledge the existence of the other “wives”…or, you know, polygamy. Meri wore a parade of increasingly hideous, hilariously small jackets.

 

Oh god, Robyn is going to cry during this episode. Do I really have to do this? Can’t I play Sudoku instead? Pleeeeeease? Fine, fine. I’ll suffer for my art.

 

And here we go. Meri has invited the other “wives” over, and she and Robyn are going to make dream boards. Snork. Meri is actually interacting with the fam, undoubtedly due to the snarking of various message board posters, myself included. So anyway, Robyn loves vision boards, ‘cause she’s made them before and her visions always come true, like becoming a plural wife. Christine believes in vision boards religiously, and I’m temporarily relieved that she believes in something religiously. Janelle is…there. She doesn’t give a shit about vision boards, or about anything, really. So, the usual. Seriously, she must’ve used up the energy from the morning sludge shake on the drive over.

 

Christine doesn’t want to live in one house. Remember that now, because she’s not going to say it again.

 

Cue lameo flashbacks of the fambly in Lehi, which was apparently the greatest way to live ever, even though everyone was miserable and jealous all the damn time. The wives debate the one home idea, and I’m not sure why the entire discussion doesn’t end immediately when Christine says she isn’t interested. So they keep debating the idea. At some point, I fall into a coma and have to be revived by a group of hot paramedics. So there’s that.

 

Robyn thought she’d have another baby, but now…she probably won’t? She doesn’t say for sure.

 

JANELLE TALKS ABOUT THEIR RELIGION. HOLY SHIT. Their views on children involve predestination, or the idea that their kids were “meant” to come to them. Which means that Meri pissed someone off big time, and Robyn may or may not be ignoring a spirit destined for her fambly.

 

Christine is all, “I only have one opinion! That doesn’t mean the giant monstrosity won’t happen!” conveniently ignoring the fact that every “wife” in one house won’t happen without her because she is ONE OF SAID “WIVES.”

 

Remember how Meri and Janelle hate each other? Yeah, that’s still a thing. Maybe they should paint cans to strengthen the bond they don’t have. Janelle points out that being a fambly means…you know, acting like a fambly.

 

Blah blah more one house talk blah blah we all know this isn’t going to happen blah blah remember how great it was when we were all up in each other’s biz all the damn time blah blah it was not fucking great blah blah

 

Janelle comes a hair’s breath away from admitting that building a huge house is a bad idea because there so close to not needing all that space as their kids get older and move out, but TLC interrupts this refreshing dose of sanity with a talking head by Robyn, who bemoans how much easier her “sister” “wives” have it because their kids are no longer little. So basically, Robyn complains about a) her own choices, and b) the nature of biology. Cool.

 

The “wives” are suspicious about the idea that Kody is talking to the other “wives.” Such a healthy dynamic here. Nothing to see here.

 

Things are really haaaaaard for Kody, guys. He has so much to doooooooo. He’s so put upooooon. He neeeeeeeds his very own space. Won’t someone save Kody from the consequences of his own actions?! This is what the “wives” spend their ultra-depressing get-together discussing: the many woes of Kody Brown and how sorry for him they feel. Puke.

 

Janelle is moving again, and she’s gonna be closer to the fambly. We suffer through a giggly, barely-decipherable moving montage, but there’s no commentary on Kody’s ass, thank the maker for that. Kody’s hair makes him look like some kind of Geico caveman dressed as Shirley Temple. What is seen cannot be unseen.

 

Kody seems to think that his desires equal reality. Like, if he wants his houses in Vegas to sell, then that’ll happen. He is absolutely gobsmacked to realize that there is not, in fact, some Plyg Genie ready to grant all his wishes. Speaking of wishes, Kody wants answers on the one house idea, and he wants them now. Well, really – he wants to hear the answer he wants, which isn’t going to happen.

 

But before we can effectively kill Kody’s ill-advised dream, we have to listen to the wives prattle on about inheritance, and then they apologize to Kody about having fucking feelings. Snooze. Meri doesn’t want to live in one house because Kody doesn’t want anything to do with her, and it’s easier to pretend things are okay between them if they live separately. Kody blames Christine for torpedoing his shitty idea, and then he whines about how he’s so irresistible which means that the wives simply cannot handle their own jealousy.

 

Did you know that it’s technically illegal to marry more than one woman? Well, it is, and Robyn is here to explain it to you. She just haaaates being the only legal wife. It’s just aaaaawful.

Robyn remembers the halcyon days of the cuddle-sac in Vegas. She cries, snotty nose, eye boogers, and all. Janelle lectures the viewing audience on how the fambly was closer in Utah, when they all lived together, because they had to work out their crap. Like, you know, Meri and Janelle’s antipathy. They totally worked that out decades ago.

 

Kody wants to know why his fambly doesn’t have the functionality to live in one home. I’m off to draft a treatise about his dysfunctional fambly. Meanwhile, Kody is preparing yet another godawful PowerPoint presentation. This isn’t over, folks. Batten down the hatches. A storm is brewing.

 

This is a masterpiece!  Not only were you able to stay awake, you even made coherent sentences (something the Browns don't tend to do.)  Kudos!

[Kohola3]

8 hours ago, Joan of Argh said:

I can't keep up with their hillbilly dentistry plan.

Motto:  Peroxide and Pliers

[xwordfanatik]

OT:  Did anyone ever watch Extreme Cheapskates?  There was a woman on that show that claimed she pulled teeth with pliers when they were rotten!  Hillbilly dentistry for rill!

BTT:  @the-grey-lady, terrific recap.  Does anyone know how many more episodes until the end of season?  Luckily we have @ginger90 to keep us posted on the Brown (Ass) Clowns' latest SM hijinks.

[Tabbygirl521]

12 hours ago, the-grey-lady said:

Egads, fellow snarkers. This week's recap is finally ready. Send brownies c/o The Grey Lady. Please.

  Reveal spoiler

I’m sorry for the lateness of this recap, but in my defense, I had to watch last week’s episode first, and…well, have you seen how boring these people are? It’s a wonder I didn’t have to gnaw my own arm off to get away.

 

Previously on “Sister” “Wives”…Kody ruined Christmas with his never-going-to-happen “we should all live in one house idea.” Less than content with destroying the fambly holiday, Kody brings up the idea again in his typically modest, unassuming style. Meanwhile, the “wives” complained about having to see Kody so much as acknowledge the existence of the other “wives”…or, you know, polygamy. Meri wore a parade of increasingly hideous, hilariously small jackets.

 

Oh god, Robyn is going to cry during this episode. Do I really have to do this? Can’t I play Sudoku instead? Pleeeeeease? Fine, fine. I’ll suffer for my art.

 

And here we go. Meri has invited the other “wives” over, and she and Robyn are going to make dream boards. Snork. Meri is actually interacting with the fam, undoubtedly due to the snarking of various message board posters, myself included. So anyway, Robyn loves vision boards, ‘cause she’s made them before and her visions always come true, like becoming a plural wife. Christine believes in vision boards religiously, and I’m temporarily relieved that she believes in something religiously. Janelle is…there. She doesn’t give a shit about vision boards, or about anything, really. So, the usual. Seriously, she must’ve used up the energy from the morning sludge shake on the drive over.

 

Christine doesn’t want to live in one house. Remember that now, because she’s not going to say it again.

 

Cue lameo flashbacks of the fambly in Lehi, which was apparently the greatest way to live ever, even though everyone was miserable and jealous all the damn time. The wives debate the one home idea, and I’m not sure why the entire discussion doesn’t end immediately when Christine says she isn’t interested. So they keep debating the idea. At some point, I fall into a coma and have to be revived by a group of hot paramedics. So there’s that.

 

Robyn thought she’d have another baby, but now…she probably won’t? She doesn’t say for sure.

 

JANELLE TALKS ABOUT THEIR RELIGION. HOLY SHIT. Their views on children involve predestination, or the idea that their kids were “meant” to come to them. Which means that Meri pissed someone off big time, and Robyn may or may not be ignoring a spirit destined for her fambly.

 

Christine is all, “I only have one opinion! That doesn’t mean the giant monstrosity won’t happen!” conveniently ignoring the fact that every “wife” in one house won’t happen without her because she is ONE OF SAID “WIVES.”

 

Remember how Meri and Janelle hate each other? Yeah, that’s still a thing. Maybe they should paint cans to strengthen the bond they don’t have. Janelle points out that being a fambly means…you know, acting like a fambly.

 

Blah blah more one house talk blah blah we all know this isn’t going to happen blah blah remember how great it was when we were all up in each other’s biz all the damn time blah blah it was not fucking great blah blah

 

Janelle comes a hair’s breath away from admitting that building a huge house is a bad idea because there so close to not needing all that space as their kids get older and move out, but TLC interrupts this refreshing dose of sanity with a talking head by Robyn, who bemoans how much easier her “sister” “wives” have it because their kids are no longer little. So basically, Robyn complains about a) her own choices, and b) the nature of biology. Cool.

 

The “wives” are suspicious about the idea that Kody is talking to the other “wives.” Such a healthy dynamic here. Nothing to see here.

 

Things are really haaaaaard for Kody, guys. He has so much to doooooooo. He’s so put upooooon. He neeeeeeeds his very own space. Won’t someone save Kody from the consequences of his own actions?! This is what the “wives” spend their ultra-depressing get-together discussing: the many woes of Kody Brown and how sorry for him they feel. Puke.

 

Janelle is moving again, and she’s gonna be closer to the fambly. We suffer through a giggly, barely-decipherable moving montage, but there’s no commentary on Kody’s ass, thank the maker for that. Kody’s hair makes him look like some kind of Geico caveman dressed as Shirley Temple. What is seen cannot be unseen.

 

Kody seems to think that his desires equal reality. Like, if he wants his houses in Vegas to sell, then that’ll happen. He is absolutely gobsmacked to realize that there is not, in fact, some Plyg Genie ready to grant all his wishes. Speaking of wishes, Kody wants answers on the one house idea, and he wants them now. Well, really – he wants to hear the answer he wants, which isn’t going to happen.

 

But before we can effectively kill Kody’s ill-advised dream, we have to listen to the wives prattle on about inheritance, and then they apologize to Kody about having fucking feelings. Snooze. Meri doesn’t want to live in one house because Kody doesn’t want anything to do with her, and it’s easier to pretend things are okay between them if they live separately. Kody blames Christine for torpedoing his shitty idea, and then he whines about how he’s so irresistible which means that the wives simply cannot handle their own jealousy.

 

Did you know that it’s technically illegal to marry more than one woman? Well, it is, and Robyn is here to explain it to you. She just haaaates being the only legal wife. It’s just aaaaawful.

Robyn remembers the halcyon days of the cuddle-sac in Vegas. She cries, snotty nose, eye boogers, and all. Janelle lectures the viewing audience on how the fambly was closer in Utah, when they all lived together, because they had to work out their crap. Like, you know, Meri and Janelle’s antipathy. They totally worked that out decades ago.

 

Kody wants to know why his fambly doesn’t have the functionality to live in one home. I’m off to draft a treatise about his dysfunctional fambly. Meanwhile, Kody is preparing yet another godawful PowerPoint presentation. This isn’t over, folks. Batten down the hatches. A storm is brewing.

 

BROWN-ies...?

7 hours ago, Yeah No said:

So Janelle moved to be closer to the fam. and wants to live in one big house while Christine wants to live separately so no one can see her being all lovey dovey with the K-douche.  Yeah, Janelle's not gettin' any.  Too bad being closer isn't going to change anything for her.  So two wives are not in the "rotation", at least not for sex.  It looks like Christine and Robyn are the only ones still in it.

Is it possible that their “beliefs” only condone sex for procreation? Did Kody stop sleeping with Meri when they decided for sure not to keep trying for more kids? And Janelle doesn’t seem to want more. No idea about Christine. 

[Pickleinthemiddle]

29 minutes ago, Tabbygirl521 said:

BROWN-ies...?

Is it possible that their “beliefs” only condone sex for procreation? Did Kody stop sleeping with Meri when they decided for sure not to keep trying for more kids? And Janelle doesn’t seem to want more. No idea about Christine. 

My guess would be both Christine and Janelle probably got fixed after their last children.

[Kyanight]

3 minutes ago, Pickleinthemiddle said:

My guess would be both Christine and Janelle probably got fixed after their last children.

Surely you jest!  That would mean a doctor's visit which would mean $$.  It's POSSIBLE that Christine got spayed when she had Truely because Kody's eyeballs and tongue were hanging out over Robyn and he insisted - since she was already there in the hospital... but since Kody was probably done visiting Janelle, there was no reason to do anything with her.

[Kohola3]

46 minutes ago, Pickleinthemiddle said:

My guess would be both Christine and Janelle probably got fixed after their last children.

I would imagine that there is some Straight To Hell clause in their cockamamie religion that forbids that.  These polygirls seem to run on spawning as their only purpose in life.....well, that and servicing the stud in the process.

[Chris Knight]

9 hours ago, xwordfanatik said:

OT:  Did anyone ever watch Extreme Cheapskates?  There was a woman on that show that claimed she pulled teeth with pliers when they were rotten!  Hillbilly dentistry for rill!

 

I liked that show and I remember that lady. Her at home dentistry looked ao horribly dangerous and painful.  They had some real nutcases on that show, but then after awhile, I think people made up stuff just to get on the show.

[RubySoho]

I meant to post this earlier in the week, but life got in the way. Anyhow. I have a habit of pausing the TV at the most awkward moments & managed to catch a great shot of K’s plugs. 
 

Upon a closer inspection of said moment, I noticed Janelle’s piano bench & zoomed in. How in the hell does that thing end up looking as nasty as the bottom of her feet?!?! 
 

(Apologies if the image quality is low. I had to choose a smaller file size in order for it to load)

[Sandy W]

11 minutes ago, RubySoho said:

I meant to post this earlier in the week, but life got in the way. Anyhow. I have a habit of pausing the TV at the most awkward moments & managed to catch a great shot of K’s plugs. 
 

Upon a closer inspection of said moment, I noticed Janelle’s piano bench & zoomed in. How in the hell does that thing end up looking as nasty as the bottom of her feet?!?! 
 

(Apologies if the image quality is low. I had to choose a smaller file size in order for it to load)

I think I can offer an explanation for the condition of the piano bench. 

Maddie, Caleb and Axel were visiting for Kody's birthday and after a hearty lunch of canned cabbage, grandma Janelle sat wee Axel down to make music.  OOPS!!!

[RubySoho]

12 minutes ago, RubySoho said:

I meant to post this earlier in the week, but life got in the way. Anyhow. I have a habit of pausing the TV at the most awkward moments & managed to catch a great shot of K’s plugs. 
 

Upon a closer inspection of said moment, I noticed Janelle’s piano bench & zoomed in. How in the hell does that thing end up looking as nasty as the bottom of her feet?!?! 
 

(Apologies if the image quality is low. I had to choose a smaller file size in order for it to load)

And here are said plugs. More obvious than the Capitan himself.

Actually... I don’t know if these are plugs or not, but I do know that what’s happening here ain’t natural. 

5 minutes ago, Sandy W said:

I think I can offer an explanation for the condition of the piano bench. 

Maddie, Caleb and Axel were visiting for Kody's birthday and after a hearty lunch of canned cabbage, grandma Janelle sat wee Axel down to make music.  OOPS!!!

🤢

[Pingaponga]

I'm confused. If all children are predestined, then when Meri was unable to have another child, doesn't that just mean she wasn't supposed to have more than 1 child? Why even discuss fertility treatments and surrogacy, or how unfair it all is, if your children are predestined?

[Kohola3]

30 minutes ago, Pingaponga said:

I'm confused. If all children are predestined, then when Meri was unable to have another child, doesn't that just mean she wasn't supposed to have more than 1 child? Why even discuss fertility treatments and surrogacy, or how unfair it all is, if your children are predestined?

Don't attempt using logic on any of their goofy beliefs.  The whole planet thing can make your head explode when you start throwing in widows, divorcees, etc.  They just make things up as they go along anyway.  

[suomi]

Yeah but ... those are original mainstream tenets, they don't come from the AUB or from Kody. Ruling your own planet and predestination of souls come from Joseph Smith. For example: we're living on an exalted being's planet, which is proof that the teaching is true. 

[Soaper410]

Ugh this thread reminded me about the totally awkward Robyn talking about her first husband taking her precious innocence from her and stomping on it. 

Then of course, you realize after getting pregnant, this terrible human married her and had 2 more kids with her.  

And clearly the kids didn't listen. 

Still waiting for Janelle to talk about how she also slept with someone else prior to Kody.  Would love to see the therapy session after Janelle talks about how crappy Meri's brother was as a husband. 

[LAMMA]

I made it to the point where meri painted those stupid trees for kody.  Lol. 

She should have called Robyns bluff on the surrogacy thing and done it. Things would be so different.

[mythoughtis]

On 2/19/2020 at 2:01 PM, Adeejay said:

Perhaps Janelle had a second job, because she also worked as an Accountant for the State of Utah.  

Yes, the accountant position was full time and an hour from home.  The pantry stuff was her side gig.