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S04.E03: Cannes You Cook?

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The crew comes to terms with Mila's controversial views; Capt. Sandy's friend, Dr. Jennifer Berman, returns with the expectation of leaving the dock this year; Joao struggles to motivate Jack; Colin wonders if the new crew is too bawdy for him.

Airs June 17, 2019.

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This episode hasn't aired yet on the West coast but I must say: Yuck, Capt. Sandy is back. I guess I'll watch anyway.

ETA! I don't know how I got the DISH TV set on "stretch" mode but I have to say, seeing these crew members looking like a bunch of Wide Glide Harley's is pretty funny!😁

Edited by chenoa333
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All I can say is that Joao was looking mighty fine at dinner.  Of course after they went to the bar he looked toasted.

Hannah should also go over menus with Mila before hand.  I think she did that with Chef Matt.

Edited by Emmeline
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 A pretty good episode.  I'm still liking the interior crew and the outside, except for Jack.  He kind of bugs me with his lazy attitude.

Mila - just yuck.  I'm having a hard time taking her seriously as chef.  It's got to be an act!  No?

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50 minutes ago, pieinmyeye said:

Going into this season after not caring for Hannah past seasons, I had high hopes for her after the first couple of episodes. After about 20 minutes of this episode, not so much. She acts like she’s in middle school. I don’t agree with what Mila said at all, but Hannah is spreading what she said like wildfire.  Her lack of decorum doesn’t say chief stew to me.

I didn't see this at all. Yes, Hannah told Joao but he was literally the last to hear. Hannah wasn't running around telling people, she wasn't even in that van and only learned about it when Anastasia told her.  

Also not sure how her position as chief stew somehow means she shouldn't have an opinion on Mila's comments. Are bosuns held to the same standard? 

Literally loving the crew aside from Mila. 

Spoiler

Hope the Ven rumors are true. I can see him getting right in. 

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Mila's next job will be making pb&j's ( that's peanut butter & jelly you daft girl) with Pringles (R) and Flavor aid (R) with no sugar on a chum boat on the Bering Sea off the coast of Kamchatka or Magadan.

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I seriously can't figure out what Le Cordon Bleu training Mila had (if any at all, other than reading or watching Youtube videos) because she can't even make a decent grilled cheese sandwich.  When Hannah came in and asked for a replacement lunch of grilled cheese sandwiches, Mila immediately started putting bread in the toaster.  Now, I don't know, but I'm assuming that even in France, where she supposedly trained, a grilled cheese sandwich should not start out with toasted bread.  The bread on the sandwich is spread with butter (or, sometimes, mayonnaise) and toasted slowely in the saute pan while the cheese melts, correct?  That's the way I was taught.  Something tells me Mila would have toasted the bread, pulled the plastic wrap off a couple of slices of processed "cheese food", slapped that crap between the toast and shoved the whole thing in the microwave to melt the cheese.  

Anastasia saved Mila's ass with that dinner salad, but Mila's so full of herself, she wouldn't listen that keeping the steaks in the pan would continue to cook them?  The guests complained that there was no flavor and the steaks were stringy.  As far as I could see, they looked a little on the well done side.  

Last week, I didn't think she was a plant, but now, I'm not so sure.  I still can't understand how anyone would allow themselves to look so bad on a reality show if she's faking it, so I'm all confused about this.  It's obvious that Mila won't be long for this show, so I guess we all wait to see how it plays out.  But, I really hope to see Mila get the takedown she deserves - in the kitchen (not because of her opinions on lifestyles).  I want to see pots flying and tempers flaring!!  🙂  Something tells me Anastasia can go head to head with Mila and come out winning!  

I'm also not too sure how I feel about Aesha.  I mean, she's funny at times, but I wonder if her crude comments and odd conversations are more for shock value, or she's just a "really out there" personality.  She seems to be very intelligent, and not afraid to laugh at herself, but sometimes, she seems like an 11 year boy with her conversation choices.

And, Jack, while he is entertaining and makes me laugh, just seems to be supremely lazy.  He is, just as Hannah says, the type that will do as little as he can just so he doesn't get fired.  But, he does make me giggle with all the ways he tries to get out of work - and, at least, he's upfront and honest about it!  

Not minding the rest of the crew so far.  I still love Colin, and Travis is okay at this point-my opinion may change on him, though, given the previews.  Joao is not irritating me, Hannah seems to be worker harder this season and is not being super condescending, Sandy isn't micro-managing.....yet!  I'm waiting to see what is was that gets Sandy annoyed with the interior crew (as seen in the previews).  It's still early in the season, and things can change as quickly as the tide.  

Edited by njbchlover
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Mila is not a chef. Well maybe she's a chef of canned food cuisine.  Chef Boy-u-suck-ee  She's not much of a human being either. I'm appalled by her views on homosexuality, and her general attitude. The girl always looks like she's sniffing a fart. 

I''m not sure why Colin isn't comfy with the new crew. They all seem pretty decent. He really doesn't seem his usual goofy rapping self. I thought for sure he'd be rapping bad tunes to Aesha. 

Aesha. I kinda get her. I'm very much a weirdo. I've toned it down a lot over the years. Especially at work. I couldn't imagine talking about poo, or asking for a vibrator in front of my boss! But with my close friends it is a different story. Anyway. I like her. 

Travis. He's sexy, but a smoker. Yuck. Maybe he and ashtray Hannah can deep throat the nicotine out of each other. 

Anastasia rocks. Amazing work ethic. Super nice. Professional. 

Jack. He funny.  He's a lazy ass, but sexy af. 

Jwow really pulled up his socks this year. I'm getting get turned on. 

Hannah. Snob. Mean girl. Acts very superior. Immediately turns into the town gossip as soon as she finds dirt on someone else. She lucky she's got an awesome crew this season. 

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3 hours ago, pieinmyeye said:

Going into this season after not caring for Hannah past seasons, I had high hopes for her after the first couple of episodes. After about 20 minutes of this episode, not so much. She acts like she’s in middle school. I don’t agree with what Mila said at all, but Hannah is spreading what she said like wildfire.  Her lack of decorum doesn’t say chief stew to me.

Hannah has always been passive aggressive and gossipy. Though the person who actually lit the match was Anastasia who immediately shared it with Aesha, who was in that van, and then ran to the bathroom to share it with Hannah. Hannah comes back with standoffish body language. Hannah pulls Travis aside to chat with him about the incident. Hannah and Travis come back to the table. She asks Joao to move because she can't sit at Mila's end. Hannah sits down and shares it with Colin. At the same time, Aesha, Jack, and Travis start openly discussing it at the table. Hannah shares it with Joao when they go to the second bar. I feel like Anastasia and Hannah are equally guilty. Is a lying incompetent bigot owed decorum?

That dry mop on Mila's head is a PSA for tolerance. That hair is what happens when gay people are raised in bigoted repressive environments. If you don't care about human rights, at least care about your hair. This message is brought to you by GLAAD, the HRC, and Pantene.

In the getting ready for the charter montage, Mila is once again smelling things in the pantry. Why? They restocked the boat 3 days ago. This suggests that she is using old produce and didn't have the sense to move it forward and use it first. Though it's possible those could be the truffles too. Canned shrimp and crab though. In my best Tom Colicchio voice, "If you know the product is no good, you don't have to use it and you certainly don't have to serve it." For fucks sake.

Spoiler

Hannah said on WWHL that a google image search of Mila's dish reveals that they were someone else's. I am unsurprised.

Sexy Hitler. Jack might be the biggest fuckboi on tv right now.

3 hours ago, terrymct said:

Sandy’s friend is a piece of work, a loud and demanding person who gets more rude as she drinks more and more.  She was right about the crummy food but I swear she’s like a cast member of The Jersey Shore.  

She was sooooooooooooo trashy. Just a loud drunk trashy mess.

Edited by HunterHunted
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How can Mila live in France and wherever else she learned English and hold on to such small-minded views?

And in hospitality, she must have encountered some gay people that she got along with?

Those guests, obviously egged on by the producers to be blunt about sex.  They had to mention the primary is the leading expert in LA of vaginal rejuvenation?

Why the fuck is that relevant to how their charter goes?

Because obviously she wanted that advertised as part of her compensation for appearing on the show and then doing a poor imitation of Dr. Ruth.

Hannah was too eager to spread the news, like trying to get everyone to hate Mila.

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7 minutes ago, scrb said:

e guests, obviously egged on by the producers to be blunt about sex.  They had to mention the primary is the leading expert in LA of vaginal rejuvenation?

She was like that last season as well, I don’t think she needs to be prodded to be like that.

7 minutes ago, scrb said:

Hannah was too eager to spread the news, like trying to get everyone to hate Mila.

But why shouldn’t she be? Her views aren’t acceptable and should make her a pariah.

Edited by biakbiak
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8 hours ago, Emmeline said:

Hannah should also go over menus with Mila before hand.  I think she did that with Chef Matt.

That was actually Kate on the mothership. Kate always has a bit of a chat with the chef before the meals to go over menus, but she had to take an extra firm hand with Matt because Bruno, the most junior deckhand, ended up doing a lot of menu planning with/for Matt. Matt was almost completely lacking in imagination, but he could cook unlike Mila.

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I'm with Colin on this one: "I like everyone just fine but they're not really mu kind of people I'd hang out with." TOTALLY! 

I find them all to be caricatures. I don't think any of them could get a date or a job after this type of behavior. Anastasia is the most "normal" one. But they all fit the gossip thing with Mila and the van ride convo. 

Aesha is annoying as all hell with her stupid "sense of humor." I've always found over the top sexual and toilet humor to be so un-funny. Give me a witty retort or a clever pun and I'm all about it. I just don't like any of them this year...bleh.

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8 hours ago, VagueDisclaimer said:

I’m wary to say it, but...i’m really enjoying this season? Last season was such a mess, I couldn’t even finish it out. But it seems some kind of peace and understanding was found between Capt. Sandy and Hannah and I truly believe that helped set the tone. Plus Joao must’ve entered some kind of douche rehabilitation program and has been shockingly helpful. 

I was a bit worried during the segment at the bar when Joao said that he had to be careful not to let his drunk self (forgot the name he gives his drunk alter ego) come out.   If this was fiction, that'd be a big old Chekhov's Gun plopped right down in the middle of the table.  Hopefully if he does slip it won't be until right at the end of the season.   I also hope the stews are smart enough not to start having sex with the deck hands.  That never, ever goes well.  I've said this in past seasons, but it bears repeating.  I work on boats.  I have relatives who manage high end charters.   In neither case is fraternization among the crew allowed.  Nor is bringing a one night stand back to the boat allowed.  You'd lose your job on the spot.

Edited to add an additional thought.  In addition to not being able to cook, Mila isn't meal planning and ordering off that plan.   Is someone going to notice all that extra food?  The fresh stuff that's going to waste?  If she planned, she could order fresh seafood...or order very high quality frozen seafood.  That is actually a thing.  Any provisioning company in these ports can get you pretty much anything for a price.  Instead of using her budget to buy high quality items, Mila is ordering everything but the kitchen sink and hoping something occurs to her.  Those deliveries look like she did her ordering at 2am when she was drunk and hungry.

Edited by terrymct · Reason: added another thought
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10 hours ago, pieinmyeye said:

Going into this season after not caring for Hannah past seasons, I had high hopes for her after the first couple of episodes. After about 20 minutes of this episode, not so much. She acts like she’s in middle school. I don’t agree with what Mila said at all, but Hannah is spreading what she said like wildfire.  Her lack of decorum doesn’t say chief stew to me.

Exactly.  I also felt my loathing for Hannah Honaaayyy wavering until this episode.  She is so unprofessional and such a bully.  Of course what Mila said was repugnant and I find it personally offensive, but Hannah behaves in such an unprofessional manner, I find it hard to believe that anyone takes her seriously.  Just like the resume incident last season, she can not wait to spill the tea.  She is extremely immature and I think a comparison with a middle schooler is about right, if not a little optimistic.  Of course I have no problem with her speaking to others about Mila's idiotic rant but I think she handled it poorly.  

Edited by nr65000
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6 hours ago, Barbara Please said:

Mila is not a chef. Well maybe she's a chef of canned food cuisine.  Chef Boy-u-suck-ee  She's not much of a human being either. I'm appalled by her views on homosexuality, and her general attitude. The girl always looks like she's sniffing a fart. 

She's teeeeeeeerrible.

Thanks Aesha.

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This is so silly, but I'm proud of Joao.  I think he really did watch and evaluate his life after last season and is working at being a better person.

If he continues this season with the same attitude as the first 4 episodes, we may have the first reality tv show participant, that shows actual, real growth!

Although there could be a JezeBob appearance at some point....as long as it's an appearance. 

Because once in a blue moon, my evil alter ego, Cathy with a C, makes an appearance too.....

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45 minutes ago, nr65000 said:

 she can not wait to spill the tea

THIS!  That irked me how she couldn't wait to tell someone.

And Aeysha (or however you spell it) her voice grates.

Just now, dosodog said:

Because once in a blue moon, my evil alter ego, Cathy with a C, makes an appearance too.....

Haha I too have an alter....Cherie...she's best kept far away from everyone.  lol

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Ha!  Recently I saw a quote on Facebook that I could have used during the Cathy with a C years:

Don't come at sober me over what drunk me did.  Sober me wasn't there and has no idea what you're talking about!

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15 minutes ago, dosodog said:

Don't come at sober me over what drunk me did.  Sober me wasn't there and has no idea what you're talking about!

Yesss!  I've used this quote on my FB page before and it's so TRUE!  

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Joao really did a 180!  Good for him.  And honestly, Hannah is off to a good start.  Captain Sandy is still a camera whore and I really just miss Captain Lee when she is on.

Thus far the stews are pretty great.  

We knew at bottled ranch dressing that the chef was a fraud.  

They’re lucky to have Anastasia, but they really need a true trained chef.  

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1 hour ago, dosodog said:

This is so silly, but I'm proud of Joao.  I think he really did watch and evaluate his life after last season and is working at being a better person.

If he continues this season with the same attitude as the first 4 episodes, we may have the first reality tv show participant, that shows actual, real growth!

Although there could be a JezeBob appearance at some point....as long as it's an appearance. 

Because once in a blue moon, my evil alter ego, Cathy with a C, makes an appearance too.....

Tiffany from Season 1 Top Chef saw herself and did a 180. She said so and you could see the change in her when she came back for a later season.

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3 minutes ago, Giselle said:

Tiffany from Season 1 Top Chef saw herself and did a 180. She said so and you could see the change in her when she came back for a later season.

50 minutes ago, AttackTurtle said:

Joao really did a 180!  Good for him.  And honestly, Hannah is off to a good start.  Captain Sandy is still a camera whore and I really just miss Captain Lee when she is on.

Thus far the stews are pretty great.  

We knew at bottled ranch dressing that the chef was a fraud.  

They’re lucky to have Anastasia, but they really need a true trained chef.  

Season 1 Ben was speaking with a guest about her preferences and ended with "I make everything from scratch."

I don't think that phrase was ever uttered by the Siberian Slop Slinger.

Edited by Giselle · Reason: Sorry forgot to clear a wrongly quoted self-post before this post.
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2 hours ago, dosodog said:

This is so silly, but I'm proud of Joao.  I think he really did watch and evaluate his life after last season and is working at being a better person.

If he continues this season with the same attitude as the first 4 episodes, we may have the first reality tv show participant, that shows actual, real growth!

Although there could be a JezeBob appearance at some point....as long as it's an appearance. 

Because once in a blue moon, my evil alter ego, Cathy with a C, makes an appearance too.....

I don't have an evil alter ego but I do have an inner redhead. 

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One thing I wondered is that Mila said she didn’t want her son to see gay people kissing and I was wondering if it was a hypothetical child or if she has a son.

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24 minutes ago, jmcd44 said:

"Oh but I have a gay friend..."  I've seen your hair Mila-he's not your friend.

LOL.

When she was ascribing expressing her opinions to "free speech" I wish someone had pointed out to her how Putin feels about free speech.

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49 minutes ago, jmcd44 said:

I was annoyed during the gossip scenes last night but not because people were gossiping.  I would be at the front of the line.  But that they didn't know the full story.  It wasn't just that she didn't want to see two men kiss (and I hate PDA but pecks, holding hands, and the like don't bother me for anyone to anyone), but that she compared it to bestiality and then praised a government oppressing people for who they are.  What if her precious Putin had outlawed women working?  Or leaving Russia?  (We wouldn't have her train wreck so...that is actually nice)  She's a hateful shit of a person.  And if I'm going to smack talk and gossip (and I am going to), I need the full list of reasons to dislike you.  I don't even feel bad because she sucks and her "Oh but I have a gay friend..."  I've seen your hair Mila-he's not your friend.

Also I now love Travis.  I might have to cheat on my BD boyfriend Ashton with him.

PREACH!!! I also agree w another poster, I do NOT tolerate this bullshit at all. 

ETA: “crab salad, no claws!” {dead}

Edited by DrSparkles
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10 minutes ago, terrymct said:

Freedom of speech is often misinterpreted.  The First Amendment of the US Constitution (which doesn't apply outside of the US, by the way, Mila) says the US Government can't make a law that abridges the freedom of speech.    It does not say that a person is free to say anything they want without consequences.   If you say something, people are free to react to what you say.

So, Miz Mila is wrong on a whole boat load of levels with that assertion.

Agreed!  People seem to think they have the right to say whatever they want and still, for instance, keep their jobs.

But with regard to Putin, his government actually does crack down on dissenting speech.

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And being gay.

Which could be why her friend doesn't want to hold his boyfriend's hand in public.

It could also just be "PDA" but I think it's more "not going to be fined, jailed or dead".....

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1 minute ago, dosodog said:

And being gay.

Which could be why her friend doesn't want to hold his boyfriend's hand in public.

It could also just be "PDA" but I think it's more "not going to be fined, jailed or dead".....

EXACTLY 

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