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S05.E02: Polygamists in a Shark Tank


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Ratings for what seemed to me to be completely producer driven filler and blatant MSWC promo were not great.  They were 1.568 M viewers and a .5 rating.

Pretty bad I'd say.  Have they had any (first-run) new episodes in the past that ranked that low?

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1) I wonder if all the jewelry "gifts" they have given each other (ie the arm bands at the commitment ceremony) are included in their sales numbers.

2) when Kody was whining about having never been in charge... Isn't that the whole premise of their family structure, aren't they always preaching about how they all submit to him? At the ceremony he was all "I'm the head of the family, I run this" but now that things are less than perfect all of the sudden he never gets a say in anything?

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but now that things are less than perfect all of the sudden he never gets a say in anything?

 

I guess that's his way of saying none of the "bad" is his fault? I guess he's only in charge when things turn to gold, LOL!

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Google  sisterwivescloset. If you click on the top portion in the advertizing section, I believe they have to pay a small amount for the click onto their site. If you run into these ads, just start clicking.

 

Many might have read this article  - last year - but it still is current!

http://www.inquisitr.com/862225/my-sister-wives-closet-sister-wives-season-premiere/

 

Here is the funniest pic of Kody!  Did no one check before posting?
http://closetjewelry.wordpress.com/comment-page-1/#comment-2

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Holy crap was that PAINFUL!  There's no way that pitch could have been real. $2.5M for 20% of a business doing $180K in sales? There isn't an investor in the land who would want to be in bed with these jokers.

 

The numbers don't lie, people look their website and don't buy anything. The company name is cluncky & stupid, as are the product offering.

 

When I hear Meri say "going back to college," I picture her moving into the dorms at UNLV.

 

And Kody, if eveything you touched turned to gold, I'm guessing there'd be a few less bankruptcies in your past...

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(edited)

 

Paradise.  But then he just added more points to his total jackass score with the tantrum.  :”When have I ever been in charge? I never get to make any of the decisions.”  Seriously?  How about deciding to come up with that whole bogus “the boogeyman is after us” crap that sent you all fleeing in the middle of the night just so you could fulfill your lifelong dream of living in Sin City.

 

He is such a douche. He leads every meeting and group discussion - every.single.time. Wasn't it just last episode that he made a big production of moving Christine and her dining room chair so that he could literally sit at the head of the table and be in charge? I can't think of a single decision made that Kody disapproved of. Yet Meri was overruled about Mariah staying in Utah to finish high school. Christine was overruled about courting Robyn.  Janelle wasn't allowed to pursue the idea of owning a gym because Kody wanted to divert that money to his pyramid scheme. They were all overruled in moving to Vegas. None of the women ever get their way unless they happen to agree with Kody (like Robyn always does, for example, choosing Kody's favorite flavor of wedding cake and letting Kody choose the wedding dress). 

 

Kody's lack of awareness of his patriarchal power in the family is almost as delusional as Brady calling himself a feminist.

Edited by WimminWinning
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For any other Portlandia fans here, the MSWC merch/website reminds me of the "Put a bird on it!" and "We can pickle that!" bits. For the Browns, it's "We can pimp that on the web!" each time they meet someone new who'd like to sell something. It's the crappy flea-market approach to online sales--with old blog posts by Christine thrown in for fun. Yay!!

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(edited)

I just visited the MSWC Facebook page and now have a headache from trying to read all of the incoherent replies on the most recent status. However, some of what I could understand was rather amusing. Did anyone read the post by someone who bought a set of earrings and their "ears rotted off" and they had to go to the ER. LOL WTF And there was also the fan who traveled all the way to Vegas from the Netherlands to go to the Brown Compound to purchase jewelry! She showed up at the gate and was pissed because they wouldn't let her in and because one of the producer's returned a gift that she tried to give them!!! Kinda creepy! 

 

ETA: I can't believe how many people are spending hours of their lives trying to get the MSWC page to load. These people are determined to purchase that cheap, overpriced jewelry merely because they like the Browns. It reminds me of buying something from a child--like a horrible tasting lemonade from a lemonade stand--just to make a little kid happy. Only the Browns aren't little kids and their crap costs a hell of a lot more than a quarter.

Edited by Wok Chop
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Being a Sister Wife to Robyn would be about as rewarding as a root canal. Actually, less so. At least with the root canal the problem would go away.

 

And you would get a few days of pain killers................................

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Kody also tweeted that the investors seemed "too big for their britches." This is just unbelievable to me. Is Mr. Midas Touch so arrogant that he didn't expect pointed questions from people thinking about investing millions of dollars? Were they just supposed to hand over their checkbook and give the Browns a standing ovation for that unprofessional, cringe-worthy presentation?

I think Kody's polygamous thinking, with 4 wives and a gazillion kids all treating him like the King, combined with reality tv fame, has turned him into a delusional nitwit. Fame really does make you think you're all that. I hope that drug is yanked away from them soon.

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Okay, I just went on their FB page and wrote the following (and am now taking wagers for how soon they will REMOVE my comment!):

"In addition to adding serious muscle to your server, I strongly urge you to do five things: 1. Hire a professional to proofread and edit your copy; you have egregious grammar and punctuation errors on nearly every page. 2. Either get rid of the jittery flash elements (pop-up flowers, etc.) as they are wildly distracting, or use a fade in/fade out feature. 3. Completely eliminate the blog post page; if you want to look professional, random blog posts about Truley's day at preschool aren't going to cut it. 4. This is a tough one: Narrow and amplify your marketing focus. There is far too much dilution of purpose on this site--jewelry, an apron, a workout video, a couple of musical CDs, a few watches. The takeaway impression is of an online flea-market. 5. Your merchandise is simply way, way overpriced, and the chatter on the internet is that it is just not very appealing. The same type of items can be purchased on Amazon or at the local Target store for a tiny fraction of the cost; just because there are some specific designs connected to the Brown family does not mean the customers will go nuts for those pieces--that's a poor strategy for long-term viability and repeat business."

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Crap--I went and visited that SWC website--now I've helped them increase their "visitors" numbers but not their "buyers" numbers!  Here are 3 questions that jumped out at me--

I don't understand the names for the charms, such as "Happy Be Values" and "Grateful Be Values"  --  what does that mean???

How can a man with 1 legal wife and 3 not so legal wives sell anything with the word "Faithful" on it?

These people are actually trying to sell charms with the word "Glamorous" on them???

 

And last but not least, I saw that most of the merchandise with the SW letters had been marked down.  

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Just watching for the first time and I just have to vent.

 

Kody: Every decision we make is by committee!!

 

Me:  Yes.  That's what happens when you're in a relationship WITH FOUR OTHER PEOPLE, Douche!

 

Also: That was one of the most fantastically unintentionally hilarious hours of reality TV I've ever seen.

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(edited)
I shit you not, the header on that page is Jewerly Examples.

 

Holy crap.  Well, I guess they just spelled it out the way they say it although that's more like joory.  Plus they can't seem to stick to a name. In one place it's My Sister WIFES closet but the page with the idiotic misspelling is My Sister WIVES closet.

 

Hopeless, just freaking hopeless. 

Edited by Kohola3
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I can't even...these people!

 

First - I looked at their website - if you google it?  On the search results it says "MSWC - Just Another Wordpress Site."  Ok, fine.  You and tons of people use Wordpress but fix that now.  It just looks unprofessional.  Second - the copy on this, dear LORD the copy!  On the front page "Haven't you ever wondered what it would be like to have access to all your friend's closets? My Sisterwife's Closet is a store that will feature the very different styles and tastes of us four sisterwives."

 

WHY GOD WHY don't you have SOMEONE proof read this.  Hell, use one of the kids - I bet they could clean this up in a heartbeat.

 

eyebleach, I finally checked out their website and was just coming here to complain about that very paragraph.

 

After looking at their website, I'm shocked they actually had 500 orders.

 

My DVR messed up and didn't tape this week's episode, but after reading all the comments here, I think that's a good thing. I can't believe the entire episode was about their lame jewelry business.

 

These people need to get real jobs. Btw, does anyone have any idea how much TLC pays them per episode or per season? I haven't seen it mentioned in any articles, but I'm kind of new to watching this show having just checked it out when they were building the houses in Vegas.

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Curious5, on 17 Jun 2014 - 1:20 PM, said:

 

Here is the funniest pic of Kody!  Did no one check before posting?

http://closetjewelry...ge-1/#comment-2

 

I shit you not, the header on that page is Jewerly Examples.

I visited that site. It's an odd one--doesn't seem to actually be the Brown's at all--more like someone's odd attempt to mimic them or make them a sample website, or some such oddity (check out the various pages).

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idea how much TLC pays them per episode or per season?

 

TLC doesn't release that information, but based on what has leaked from other shows estimating $20,000 to $25,000 per half hour aired would be reasonable.

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Maybe Meri should save the money she would spend on "going back to college" for one of the other children's education?  No? 

 

Meri has to finish college now to assure she can afford it.  I don't think she spends much time considering any child other than Mariah.

 

I couldn't agree more, Phoenix.  I just can't stand it when she says that polygamists are so special and monogamists suck.  And she says that a lot.  She believes that if Meri goes back to school, Meri will get an outside job and turn away from the family and give up her religion and the whole House of Brown will come crashing down.  If polygamy is so special, Robyn, why would Meri do that?  We've talked about this before but Robyn's insistance that everyone be 100% on-board with the "business" also grates.  Robyn has a dream and it's a really impor-ant dream and everyone in the family must share in this dream or the monogamists win.  *eye roll*

 

For some reason, Robyn's insistence that polygamy is superior to monogamy doesn't bother me.  She's been in both types of marriage, so she's certainly more experienced than I am on the topic.  In monogamy, she often lived in squalor with an unsupportive husband.  In polygamy, she lives in a half million dollar house and is one of the favorites.  She has the luxury to have more children.  She may be incapable of looking at the situation any more in depth than that.

 

I have very little knowledge of the jewelry business, and I am one of the rare breed who doesn't spend hours staring at jewels and coveting them.  Having said that, I'm able to recognize that their marketing should not be aimed at only 18-50.  It seems to me that most of their fans fall above and below that age group.  They need to realize that monogamous women don't look at the jewelry aimed at sister wives, and apply them to their very best female friends - they actually don't see that.  There may be a market in friendship jewelry for adult women - I don't know.  If there is, I don't think jewelry in which each woman can remove their pieces and twist them into  each other to represent some sort of kinship, is going to fly.  There's nothing like polygamy except perhaps polyamory.  It's just not a huge market.

 

 

They trade on their fans affection and a general "family values" lifestyle.  They could probably make a fortune if they focused on purity rings.  They could use birthstones, spiritual or biblical sayings, etc.  They could probably branch out to purity necklaces, bracelets, etc.  I'm only being slightly facetious.  There is a large segment of conservative fathers out there who treasure controlling their daughters' sexuality.  It's strange to me, but meaningful to them.

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I visited that site. It's an odd one--doesn't seem to actually be the Brown's at all--more like someone's odd attempt to mimic them or make them a sample website, or some such oddity (check out the various pages).

 

 

Ok, that's a different webpage than the one I've seen where they actually sell the jewelry, which is here.  Not sure what the other one is.  Maybe this was a blog they were using before they set up the real site?  

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TLC doesn't release that information, but based on what has leaked from other shows estimating $20,000 to $25,000 per half hour aired would be reasonable.

 

Absolom, thanks for the info. From the looks of it, these people are screwed when this show ends. They'll have to give up the four McMansions, scale down, and get jobs.

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Yes, they have no apparent means of supporting those houses without the TV show.  I expect the builder is looking at their payments as rent.  I don't feel for the adults at all over that situation, but I do for the children.  The adults presumably have the ability to figure a budget without the show payments, but the children more than likely won't be prepared for the upheaval.  I fear another round of running out of town in the middle of the night.

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Yes, they have no apparent means of supporting those houses without the TV show.  I expect the builder is looking at their payments as rent.  I don't feel for the adults at all over that situation, but I do for the children.  The adults presumably have the ability to figure a budget without the show payments, but the children more than likely won't be prepared for the upheaval.  I fear another round of running out of town in the middle of the night.

I agree. I think that the work being done to the Lehi house is to make enough room for Robyn and her brood, not to get it ready for the market. The only steady stream of income they've had since arriving in Vegas is the show and I'm willing to bet that the producers have already had the "if the ratings continue to plummet" conversation. 

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(edited)

I'm not a business person and have never had to write a business plan or dealt with anything like that but in a funny coincidence yesterday I happened to see the business plan for a new gymnastics place that will be opening in our area in a few months. First, I have to point out that the business plan was written a FULL YEAR before the business is slated to open, not 2 years after it's been running. But the details in it show the insanity of what the wives are trying to pull off. It included pricing, costs, detailed information on their competitors including their prices and discounts etc, their perceived competitive advantage, qualifications to own and operate such a business (this one cracked me up since I can't imagine what the wives would write for something like that), marketing strategy, growth plan etc. It clearly took time, planning, research etc. It was not done the night before LOL


I agree. I think that the work being done to the Lehi house is to make enough room for Robyn and her brood, not to get it ready for the market. The only steady stream of income they've had since arriving in Vegas is the show and I'm willing to bet that the producers have already had the "if the ratings continue to plummet" conversation. 

I will have to say that if this is the case it's the first planning ahead they've ever done.

Edited by 3girlsforus
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This episode was just uncomfortable to watch.  I cringed during the presentation, I was fuming while Kody had his little temper tantrum about not being able to play god in his little kingdom on earth, and I was troubled by Robin's reasons for not wanting Meri to go back to school.   It's like watching the early days of the Office with poor idiotic Michael Scott trying to be cool. 

 

These people are so used to flying by the seat of their pants but apparently they've not had many people actually confront them about their lack of planning. They spent all kinds of time, money, and other resources to create a mission statement for their family (which includes college students for fuck's sake!!!) but can't be bothered to put in any work to planning their business, their supposed main livelihood, until 2 years into it. Sounds about right, but for those of us in the real world, who haven't operated in a bubble surrounded by inbred polygamists, that is not a luxury we have.  

 

And Robyn worrying about Meri actually being exposed to people and ideas outside of the family was really troubling.  What's wrong with wanting to expand your world?  What's so bad about having new experiences?  Her comment that she's afraid Meri will neglect the family relationship because it is a difficult one was very telling.  I am suspicious of any group (religious or otherwise) who tries to limit your interaction with outsiders.  That to me means they are afraid that you will be enlightened and begin questioning their dogma. 

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I agree. I think that the work being done to the Lehi house is to make enough room for Robyn and her brood, not to get it ready for the market. The only steady stream of income they've had since arriving in Vegas is the show and I'm willing to bet that the producers have already had the "if the ratings continue to plummet" conversation. 

From what I gathered in the first ep this season, there was water damage (or as Meri/Kody termed it "flood" damage) to the Lehi home.  I'm guessing a washer overflowed or something.

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Browsing the site it seems like there's very little difference in quality between the stuff marked $12.99 or the stuff that's near or even well over $100. Could it be they actually did think they could charge such massive mark ups and people would pay for the privilege of buying from them? And snerk, they are having a sale on the stuff that's branded as SisterWife, sorry "StrongWoman" SW.

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I'm wondering, as someone pointed out above I believe, if the reason for the "shipping delays" as well as the outrageous prices is because the pieces are created as they are ordered, kinda like printing on demand (which can be hugely expensive).  I mean, otherwise they would have to have tons of inventory (or at least some) on hand.  And if that's true, and they have only sold 500 units in two years then. . . .yikes.  They would have a lot of money tied up in product.  So I'm guessing it's an on demand kind of deal, or at the very least they create small batches at a time.

 

I was irritated that, at least in what we saw, they made no attempt to explain to the investors exactly how they would spend the 2.5 mil.  I mean, maybe it was in their crappy written report, who knows?  But all they would say is some variation on using the money "for marketing," "customer service," etc.  They didn't specifically say something like, "We would use $100,000 to redesign the website and another $50,000 a year for a webmaster to maintain it" (or something, I don't know how much those things cost). 

 

I'm guessing they've not put the smallest amount of thought into how they would specifically spend the money.  They're just thinking, "Oooh, an infusion of cash will save us!"  I also agree that it's not impossible they are planning for that money to pay their mortgages.

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otherwise they would have to have tons of inventory (or at least some) on hand.

I remember they talked about this during one of their "business" meetings or when they were placing the joory at Guilt. They were going with a new supplier (the woman who went to Guilt with them) and they had to buy a fair number of units from her to get a decent price. I remember one of the wives was freaking out over having so much product on hand, knowing they don't sell jackshit. I seem to remember Robyn talking about making $500 or so after "minusing out" costs during the first year. Doesn't jive with the $45,000 amount they gave to the VC group. 

 

 

I was irritated that, at least in what we saw, they made no attempt to explain to the investors exactly how they would spend the 2.5 mil.

Janelle said they should just tell them to read their hand-out and find whatever information they were looking for in there. Real professional.

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Browsing the site it seems like there's very little difference in quality between the stuff marked $12.99 or the stuff that's near or even well over $100. Could it be they actually did think they could charge such massive mark ups and people would pay for the privilege of buying from them? And snerk, they are having a sale on the stuff that's branded as SisterWife, sorry "StrongWoman" SW.

Glad I'm not the only one that caught the SW switcheroo. 

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The cheap stuff is pewter, the more expensive is sterling silver.  All equally ugly.

Last time I checked, pure silver was selling at something like $19 an ounce.  There's almost certainly less than an ounce in those pricey but fugly pieces.

I took another random tour of the MSWC site (gotta keep those hit numbers up!) and things are just as lame as always. First, those flash graphics are SO AWFUL. If there must be flowers popping up and photos jumping around, can't they at least use a fade-in/fade-out to prevent the goofy, twitchy factor. Second, pretty much EVERY PAGE has grammar and/or punctuation errors. = tacky. On the customer service page:

 

At our sole discretion after 30 calendar days, we may offer an exchange, store credit or refund. Items must be in “new, unaltered and unused condition”.

 

1. Never, never, never use quote marks for emphasis. By slapping them around this verbiage, you have essentially said that the items don't actually have to be in new, unaltered and unused condition.

2. In the U.S., periods and commas go inside the quote marks at the end of a sentence. Always.

 

This is pretty basic stuff; I teach it in freshman comp classes. Maybe after Meri gets an education, she can fix the egregious and slipshod copy on the site.

oh and incidentally, credit card companies would NOT consider that "refund policy" proper disclosure, so if you bought a piece, changed your mind and wanted a refund and the Browns opted not to "at their discretion", then you could charge it back through your credit card issuer.  Which would end up costing the Browns should they choose to fight the chargeback.

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In the Jewelry Collection, the default sort mixes the expensive and the cheap pieces in a random way so a $19 piece shows up next to a $139 piece. The effect is jarring because the stuff all looks the same. Sterling silver pieces are identified if you bother to dig around for the information, but other pieces are also called silver because of the color. My favorite items are the Genuine GOLD and Genuine SILVER watches for $26.99 each. Apparently, Genuine is the line or model name and is simply stuck in front of the metal color. There's no product description. That's deceptive and confusing. And tacky to boot.

 

How can an online retailer expect to sell without accurate, detailed specifications for every product? Amateur hour. Sadly, I think even if the Browns got the venture capital, the core problems wouldn't get fixed. There would be just more of the same.

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I could care less about the business, babymaking or Kody's sad hair, I want some financial details. Even if they are receiving $20-25K an episode as a family, I still do not see how they can maintain 4 mortgages and living expenses for so many people. Plus they have to pay the mortgage on the Lehi house. They seem to do about 20 episodes a year. After taxes and agent/manager fees, I just don't see how they are surviving. We know that Jon & Kate were roughly making that amount and they had way better ratings so I don't see the Browns making more money. I suppose they make a little more money from various schemes but I just don't see how it is possible even with TLC money. The bills for the AC in Vegas and feeding so many teenagers must be enormous. There is such a desperation from them on the show.. I am sure they are living episode paycheck to paycheck. 

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I said this on CJs blog but I'm certain the Browns are using their LLC and their TLC $$ to get more credit through both Brown Family Entertainment and MSWC. It's ridiculously easy to get business credit cards. That as well as more than likely having interest only loans with a low down payment on the four fugly homes. The Browns aren't exactly forward thinkers. Except when they're trying to figure out ways to keep the TLC $ coming in.

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In the Jewelry Collection, the default sort mixes the expensive and the cheap pieces in a random way so a $19 piece shows up next to a $139 piece. The effect is jarring because the stuff all looks the same. Sterling silver pieces are identified if you bother to dig around for the information, but other pieces are also called silver because of the color.

 

Yeah that's what I was thinking. It all looks much the same on the website, even if some of it is allegedly sterling silver. And the jumble in prices and styles is chaotic and tacky. Do they think people won't notice the piece next to a £20 piece is $100+ and buy it without looking closely maybe?

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I said this on CJs blog but I'm certain the Browns are using their LLC and their TLC $$ to get more credit through both Brown Family Entertainment and MSWC. It's ridiculously easy to get business credit cards. That as well as more than likely having interest only loans with a low down payment on the four fugly homes. The Browns aren't exactly forward thinkers. Except when they're trying to figure out ways to keep the TLC $ coming in.

Makes sense to me and they have no qualms about bankruptcy.
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It's honestly not the worst plan if they funnel all the debt to the LLC as long as they use the stolen money to fund assests. If they pay off the houses, or at least two of them, they will be in better shape then before the show.

My opinion is they will use any borrowed funds stupidly. Either chasing this dead business, more over prices colleges, and cars. They will lose everything when the card tower falls.

I say this as someone that attended and paid for an expensive degree from an ivy: total waste of money.

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I just can't get past the emotional vomit and puking on everyone comment.

Ew, that is as offensive as a "brain fart" comment. I always notice when someone throws out that expression he/she pauses for laughter at his/her cleverness. Gross. I'm sure all the wives were rolling on the floor with laughter after the midas man came up with that line.

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(edited)

The book was on the best seller list for 3 weeks back in 2011. Based on research I'd say that at most they received MAYBE a dollar for each copy sold, and even that's pushing it. These days it doesn't take a whole lot of copies sold to get on the best seller lists...especially for just a few weeks. They probably didn't make much after factoring in taxes and agent percentages.

Edit to add - I checked Amazon this morning, and while they still list the book at being for sale for $17  (list price $25) there are lots and lots of Amazon listed sellers who have NEW copies available for around $2.50 - $5 plus shipping.  If those resellers are able to make even a slight profit on selling a book for less than $3, then I'd imagine the publisher isn't wholesaling them at very high prices.  My guess would be that the Browns' royalties on each book the publisher wholesales to an end retailer is probably more like a quarter at BEST. 

Edited by DakotaJustice
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(edited)

The "Be Happy" or whatever their junky stuff says is a TOTAL RIP OFF of the LDS church.  

 

 

Gordon Hinckley did a very popular theme on this. He was a very well known and much loved Prophet of the LDS church. 

 

 https://www.lds.org/liahona/2001/06/the-prophets-counsel-the-six-bs?lang=eng

 

I laugh whenever I see the Brown's "original" work which is so easily recognizable to anyone familiar with the LDS. 

Edited by Marigold
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I finally wandered over to the Web site. I guess they can add me to the number of gawkers who won't buy anything. The pictures on the home page are too big, and I love the My SisterWifes Closet grammar issues. I can't believe they brought that in and asked anyone for $2.5 million dollars. It must have been TLC staging, because even if that investor was their friend, there is no way he would have bothered to call in his colleagues when the site is that unprofessional. Its clear they didn't pay much for the site design, which I would excuse except they found money for 4 huge houses. All those investors got paid by TLC to sit there, guaranteed. If they are even real investors and not actors. The whole thing is ridiculous.

 

Are they ever going to talk about why Logan never comes home?

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It looks like the free, weekly, one-hour infomercials are effective at getting people to scrutinize their merchandise!

Usually when an infomercial does that the merchant is thrilled and it's great news... in this case it just makes the ratio of purchases to internet hits even worse. 

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(edited)

in this case it just makes the ratio of purchases to internet hits even worse.

I don't know about that... I bet it does translate to more sales. I would be shocked if their one-hour infomercials didn't translate to sales.  We're here to snark, but many of their viewers probably aren't, and would buy their stuff, moreso if they have a one-hour weekly reminder.

Edited by Toaster Strudel
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