Josiah and Lauren: He Has To Marry Somebody

[DragonFaerie]

1 hour ago, Westiepeach said:

Sooooo, with that said, what do you the the Duggars, et al, give for wedding gifts to their fellow fundy peeps? I can’t imagine they give anything near a reasonable amount. Even assuming the marrieds give their own gift (I know, I had a glass of wine) they would still have double-digit people attending. 

What do you think?

They give them a copy of their books.  

[Fuzzysox]

I had a funeral luncheon for my Uncle. I had about 28 people at an Italian restaurant. I  had a family style plate and it cost about $24 a plate. So the luncheon ended up costing $990 with tax and a built in tip. I hardly doubt Lauren's parents can fork out that amount to serve 1,000 people from what we are seeing.

I agree, if you can't afford it don't invite way too many people. Not only will they walk away starving but you will look incredibly CHEAP! 

[Ohiopirate02]

45 minutes ago, sixlets said:

Mr. Six & I come from the semi-famous land of the cookie table.  We were married in October 2002, had 234 invited, and 161 (excluding bridal party) show.  It was a 300pm ceremony, and the reception was about 20 minutes away at a hotel.  It was very, very common for a mid-afternoon ceremony with an evening reception that included a full meal and cake.  A punch and cake reception would be very outside of the norm in our area, and may not be heavily attended.  

We attended a family wedding last August, and they had a candy bar set up.  It had very traditional options with 'penny candy' sweets-fireballs, Pixie Stix,  rock candy, etc.  They also had stations with appetizers, bar, full meal, and cupcakes.  It was all very tastefully done and didn't scream tacky.  Tacky also seems to be the theme with this family though.

I love a good cookie table.  My aunts on my dads side are excellent bakers.  I would rather have homemade cookies than cake. 

[3 is enough]

I guess it just comes down to what you and your family are used to with regards to weddings.  When I got married, and then when my daughter got married there was absolutely no question that there was going to be a full meal and an open bar.  That said, we didn't have a huge amount of guests- about 100 at mine and 140 at my daughter's. 

Nothing wrong with cake and punch, if that is what is traditional with your family or in your area.  And I definitely do not believe in breaking the bank over a wedding.

I just get the impression that the Duggars invite lots of people to get more gifts but don't feel they have to go out of their way to be good hosts.  Almost as if it is a privilege to be invited, so don't expect to be fed. 

[Fuzzysox]

Weren't Lauren's parents on the hook for the wedding?

I think the Duggars did the indoor bbq for the reception. At least they had food at the rehearsal.

The cupcakes just looked sad. They probably were made by volunteers and the wedding cake was something I expect at an engagement party. I feel bad for all the people that go out of their way to go to these things.

Edited July 15, 2018 by Fuzzysox

[mynextmistake]

50 minutes ago, sixlets said:

Mr. Six & I come from the semi-famous land of the cookie table.  We were married in October 2002, had 234 invited, and 161 (excluding bridal party) show.  It was a 300pm ceremony, and the reception was about 20 minutes away at a hotel.  It was very, very common for a mid-afternoon ceremony with an evening reception that included a full meal and cake.  A punch and cake reception would be very outside of the norm in our area, and may not be heavily attended.  

We attended a family wedding last August, and they had a candy bar set up.  It had very traditional options with 'penny candy' sweets-fireballs, Pixie Stix,  rock candy, etc.  They also had stations with appetizers, bar, full meal, and cupcakes.  It was all very tastefully done and didn't scream tacky.  Tacky also seems to be the theme with this family though.

Wow. That seems kind of... cold. (Not you, six, but the idea that people would skip a wedding reception because it wasn’t fancy enough for them.) I was brought up that you graciously accept hospitality when it is offered with the understanding that what people are offering is usually the best they can do. I’ve been to wedding receptions with candlelit sit-down meals and wedding receptions with a Costco cake and plastic cups of Hawaiian Punch and everything in between, and they’ve all been equally joyful and loving occasions. Maybe i’m old-fashioned, but when I go to a wedding it’s because I want to show love and support to the couple getting married, not because I expect a meal that is exactly equal to the cost of the cheese platter or whatever I got them as a gift. When did everything become so calculated and mercenary? 

[Jynnan tonnix]

Back in the dark ages when Mr Jyn and I got married, we had a small reception - pretty much just family and some close friends. I think there were about 40 people including us, my parents, his, and the maid of honor/best man. It was a nice, sit down dinner, but no shenanigans afterwards...everyone ended up going back to my parents' house for a bit more munchies/drinks, and some records on the record player with the dining room furniture shoved out of the way to make a bit of a dance floor if anyone wanted it. 

I still can't imagine the use for anything more elaborate, to tell the truth. My daughter's wedding was smaller still, with about 20 people in Mom's backyard, and all the food made between the bunch of us. 

In both cases, checks were received from people who were not even invited, but knew it was going to be a small affair and just wanted to include their best wishes. In no way were they solicited, but were very much appreciated.

[Zella]

My biggest problem with the Duggar wedding receptions isn't what they are serving so much as how they go about it. They're just so flamboyantly tacky and have no shame.

Personally, I don't expect a full meal at a wedding reception, especially for an afternoon reception that isn't clearly at lunch or dinnertime. Most of the weddings I have attended have been for friends my age. I live in a poor rural area, and most of these couples and families don't have a lot of money. Some of them have served lovely full meals and others have instead served finger food. All of them were nice weddings and enjoyable receptions. 

The only reception that really raised my eyebrows is one I didn't attend. It was my college roommate's. She's a sweet girl and we're still good friends, but she has some odd notions about things. She wanted to do a potluck wedding reception, which seemed weird to me, but she said it was a tradition where she grew up and it would save her and the idiot she was marrying money. (I was never onboard with that relationship.) I tried to argue that it was going to be a real pain for guests to have to lug food to a wedding reception and that it was quite frankly rude to expect it, especially if they are also buying gifts. Also what are they supposed to do with all that food during the ceremony? I don't think the ceremony location was even the same as a reception. 

Edited to add: I tried to argue in favor of scheduling a time where the reception could be cake and finger foods and nobody would expect a full meal or that they, you know, wait to get married and save some money so they could put out more of a spread. Both of my ideas were shot down. 

She still argued it wasn't weird, but when I got the invitation, it listed all the things they were allergic to or didn't like and shouldn't be included in the dishes. The damn banned ingredient list was nearly half the invitation and included, among other things, no shellfish, dairy, eggs, nuts, alcohol, and wheat. I have no idea what anyone would bring to that and made my excuses. She later told me attendance was very spotty, and she had no idea why. 

Edited July 15, 2018 by Zella

[awaken]

2 hours ago, Westiepeach said:

Sooooo, with that said, what do you the the Duggars, et al, give for wedding gifts to their fellow fundy peeps? I can’t imagine they give anything near a reasonable amount. Even assuming the marrieds give their own gift (I know, I had a glass of wine) they would still have double-digit people attending. 

What do you think?

Good question!  I’m thinking a plaque from Hobby Lobby with “family” or “in this house we will serve the lord” on it. 

[awaken]

Also, it sounds like you guys have been to lots of weddings!!  I’m 45 and have only been to a handful. So I don’t have much to compare each to! As I grew up fundie, there was no question that the church ladies would volunteer all the decorations and reception food, our mothers made the dresses, and there was of course no drinking or dancing. (Sounds like fun, huh?).

[Zella]

5 minutes ago, awaken said:

Also, it sounds like you guys have been to lots of weddings!!  I’m 45 and have only been to a handful. So I don’t have much to compare each to! As I grew up fundie, there was no question that the church ladies would volunteer all the decorations and reception food, our mothers made the dresses, and there was of course no drinking or dancing. (Sounds like fun, huh?).

I haven't been to one in a few years. All my friends seemed to get married in 2012 and 2014. ;) I've been to my share of no-dancing/no-drinking religious weddings. I don't dance or drink in public, so it was okay with me, but I can see why other folks find them frustrating. 

[doodlebug]

I’ve got no problem with people living within their means and having a limited menu at the reception.  But, I have a real problem with serving stuff that looks awful and not putting any effort into the presentation.  There is also no way the amount of food served at that wedding was enough for a thousand people, even if half of them were kids.  Pinterest is full of inexpensive ideas for creative celebrations. 

[Jynnan tonnix]

16 minutes ago, Zella said:

My biggest problem with the Duggar wedding receptions isn't what they are serving so much as how they go about it. They're just so flamboyantly tacky and have no shame.

Personally, I don't expect a full meal at a wedding reception, especially for an afternoon reception that isn't clearly at lunch or dinnertime. Most of the weddings I have attended have been for friends my age. I live in a poor rural area, and most of these couples and families don't have a lot of money. Some of them have served lovely full meals and others have instead served finger food. All of them were nice weddings and enjoyable receptions. 

The only reception that really raised my eyebrows is one I didn't attend. It was my college roommate's. She's a sweet girl and we're still good friends, but she has some odd notions about things. She wanted to do a potluck wedding reception, which seemed weird to me, but she said it was a tradition where she grew up and it would save her and the idiot she was marrying money. (I was never onboard with that relationship.) I tried to argue that it was going to be a real pain for guests to have to lug food to a wedding reception and that it was quite frankly rude to expect it, especially if they are also buying gifts. Also what are they supposed to do with all that food during the ceremony? I don't think the ceremony location was even the same as a reception. 

Edited to add: I tried to argue in favor of scheduling a time where the reception could be cake and finger foods and nobody would expect a full meal or that they, you know, wait to get married and save some money so they could put out more of a spread. Both of my ideas were shot down. 

She still argued it wasn't weird, but when I got the invitation, it listed all the things they were allergic to or didn't like and shouldn't be included in the dishes. The damn banned ingredient list was nearly half the invitation and included, among other things, no shellfish, dairy, eggs, nuts, alcohol, and wheat. I have no idea what anyone would bring to that and made my excuses. She later told me attendance was very spotty, and she had no idea why. 

Geez! I'm a pretty good cook and have singlehandedly catered quite a number of parties for up to 30 or 40 people...I always mke sure to have offerings free of the most common allergens, but I can't even come up with a single dish off the top of my head that has none f those things. Maybe that explains some of Jill and Dreck's romantic dinners consisting of a slab of beef on a plate..

[Zella]

Just now, Jynnan tonnix said:

Geez! I'm a pretty good cook and have singlehandedly catered quite a number of parties for up to 30 or 40 people...I always mke sure to have offerings free of the most common allergens, but I can't even come up with a single dish off the top of my head that has none f those things. Maybe that explains some of Jill and Dreck's romantic dinners consisting of a slab of beef on a plate..

LOL I am not a cook with a wide repertoire, but I couldn't think of a single thing I had ever eaten at a potluck that would qualify. At the time, I asked my grandmother what she would bring if invited. She's a wonderful cook and also just a marvelous example of Southern hospitality. I read the invitation to her, and her exact words were "What the hell?" 

Maybe they could have had an Atkins reception? 

[BitterApple]

5 minutes ago, doodlebug said:

I’ve got no problem with people living within their means and having a limited menu at the reception.  But, I have a real problem with serving stuff that looks awful and not putting any effort into the presentation.  There is also no way the amount of food served at that wedding was enough for a thousand people, even if half of them were kids.  Pinterest is full of inexpensive ideas for creative celebrations. 

That's my gripe as well. I don't expect the Duggars to serve a huge meal if that isn't their cultural norm, but the receptions should reflect at least some consideration for their guests. A limited budget and light menu doesn't mean things have to be slapdash, poorly presented and tacky. 

When Chelsy Bontrager blogged about her reception she said she chose taco soup, cheesecakes and a coffee bar because they would be warm and filling for a December wedding. Meanwhile Jessa made everyone eat ice cream in a frozen parking lot. The Duggars just have no concept of social grace.

[Bridget]

41 minutes ago, Zella said:

LOL I am not a cook with a wide repertoire, but I couldn't think of a single thing I had ever eaten at a potluck that would qualify. At the time, I asked my grandmother what she would bring if invited. She's a wonderful cook and also just a marvelous example of Southern hospitality. I read the invitation to her, and her exact words were "What the hell?" 

Maybe they could have had an Atkins reception? 

If your grandmother is still with us, why hasn't she created a PTV account yet?

If she is not still with us, I have to say that in only two sentences, you described a wonderful woman who sounds like an incredible role model. You were both so very lucky to have each other in your lives. 

[Zella]

6 minutes ago, Bridget said:

If your grandmother is still with us, why hasn't she created a PTV account yet?

If she is not still with us, I have to say that in only two sentences, you described a wonderful woman who sounds like an incredible role model. You were both so very lucky to have each other in your lives. 

Thank you! She helped raise me, and she's an absolute jewel of a person. :) I actually spent the day with her today. 

She is not comfortable with making online accounts other than her personal email, but I think she'd have a lot of fun on here if I could ever convince her to give it a try. 

Edited July 15, 2018 by Zella

[Bridget]

2 minutes ago, Zella said:

Thank you! She helped raise me, and she's an absolute jewel of a person. :) I actually spent the day with her today. 

She is not comfortable with making online accounts other than her personal email, but I think she'd have a lot of fun on here if I could ever convince her to give it a try. 

Maybe you could take notes and/or be her scribe for the forum while she shares her thoughts about the absurdity of all things Duggar? She doesn't have to create an account and it's an excuse for you to spend more time with her! It's a win-win! :)

I'd LOVE to hear her two cents about those fools, especially after that classic reaction to the wedding invitation from your friend! 

[Zella]

1 minute ago, Bridget said:

Maybe you could take notes and/or be her scribe for the forum while she shares her thoughts about the absurdity of all things Duggar? She doesn't have to create an account and it's an excuse for you to spend more time with her! It's a win-win! :)

I'd LOVE to hear her two cents about those fools, especially after that classic reaction to the wedding invitation from your friend! 

LOL it's a thought!:)

The only real conversation I've ever had with her about the Duggars was when Jessa announced Spurgeon's name. I asked her if she had any thoughts on that, and we basically had an Abbott and Costello routine of "Why would you name a kid after a fish?" "It's not Sturgeon. It's Spurgeon." "Well, that's not any better." 

[GeeGolly]

One of the reasons I believe the wedding receptions for Fundies really are speed dating receptions is because families drive far distances to attend them. With the exception of the Bates and Duggars, some of these families must barely know the bride and groom. They're going to weddings for someone that maybe they see once at year a the school conference thing they have. I imagine when they get the invites they spend a fair amount of time trying to figure out who the invitation is from.

I can't believe, no matter how kind and caring someone is, that they'll pack up their kids and drive through a state or two, to join in the joyous occasion of someone they've barely met without an ulterior motive. And they're certainly not attending for mints and punch.

Also, I'm guessing many don't even give gifts. I doubt even Jessa is going to take the time to compare the names on her guest list to names on the gifts she receives.

JB carried around invitations and gave out them last minute to random people. How thoughtful.

I really think a large number of the guests go to connect with other like minded folks in hopes of making a love connection for their isolated kids.

[floridamom]

The issue I have with these types of receptions is that they can't seem to put proper foods together. It's not expensive to have finger sandwiches, cheeses, olives, crackers, potato, pasta salads, cole slaw, etc. One can go to Sam's/Costco's and purchase there or make finger sandwiches themselves. They seem to have a ton of volunteers. Why can't these volunteers put proper foods together? The closest to that was Jinger's reception as they actually had HOT meatballs and cheeses. Of course, we all know that came from the minds of the Vuolos.

[Quof]

14 hours ago, mynextmistake said:

I am going to break with most folks and say i don’t think it’s a requirement that guests be served a full meal at a wedding reception

If your reception is at meal time, yes, it is. Don't want to serve a full meal? Have your reception at 2:00 (as you did).  If your ceremony is at noon, and your reception starts at 1, you damned well better feed me, because I've been getting ready and travelling since about 11.  Same thing with a ceremony at 5 or 6 - I've devoted a large chunk of my late afternoon to getting ready for and attending your wedding, and it's going to be several hours before I can get home, or to a restaurant. 

Edited July 15, 2018 by Quof

[GeeGolly]

8 minutes ago, floridamom said:

The issue I have with these types of receptions is that they can't seem to put proper foods together. It's not expensive to have finger sandwiches, cheeses, olives, crackers, potato, pasta salads, cole slaw, etc. One can go to Sam's/Costco's and purchase there or make finger sandwiches themselves. They seem to have a ton of volunteers. Why can't these volunteers put proper foods together? The closest to that was Jinger's reception as they actually had HOT meatballs and cheeses. Of course, we all know that came from the minds of the Vuolos.

For a typical wedding that's true. Feeding 500 to 2000 guests is expensive no matter what you feed them. So if they toss some random themed goodies on a table it doesn't matter if there's enough. I'm guessing mostly the adults go without and let the kids snatch up the goodies.

[andromeda331]

9 hours ago, 3 is enough said:

I just get the impression that the Duggars invite lots of people to get more gifts but don't feel they have to go out of their way to be good hosts.  Almost as if it is a privilege to be invited, so don't expect to be fed. 

This is the impression I've gotten too.  I've been to big weddings and small weddings, some with food and some without. Duggars despite actually having more then enough money that they could spring for food don't. The could go expensive or cheep and go buy a bunch of deli trays. They throw these huge big weddings where a thousand people come. They know a thousand people are coming. But don't bother to rent tables or chairs for them to sit.  Who make guests stand in a parking lot in November to eat ice cream.  With as many weddings as their expected to throw they could buy tables and chairs and used them nine times. Its not that they don't have the money to spring for this stuff is that they won't. Then walk away with a ton of gifts.  I probably shouldn't be surprised they put the bare minimum into everything they do. It shouldn't be surprising they do the same with weddings. 

[Caracoa1]

As little money Boob and Michelle put into the weddings, I bet he makes the happy couple reimburse him right to the penny out of their gift money.

[BetyBee]

10 hours ago, mynextmistake said:

Wow. That seems kind of... cold. (Not you, six, but the idea that people would skip a wedding reception because it wasn’t fancy enough for them.) I was brought up that you graciously accept hospitality when it is offered with the understanding that what people are offering is usually the best they can do. I’ve been to wedding receptions with candlelit sit-down meals and wedding receptions with a Costco cake and plastic cups of Hawaiian Punch and everything in between, and they’ve all been equally joyful and loving occasions. Maybe i’m old-fashioned, but when I go to a wedding it’s because I want to show love and support to the couple getting married, not because I expect a meal that is exactly equal to the cost of the cheese platter or whatever I got them as a gift. When did everything become so calculated and mercenary? 

I agree 100%.  Also, when I was a bride and when my 3 daughters were brides, we didn't consider gifts as a requirement for attending.  We invited those we loved to share our special day.  Personally, I prefer small weddings.  They are more intimate.  Duggars apparently don't feel the same way, or more likely aren't allowed to have preferences.  Most of their weddings are circuses.  

[Jeeves]

11 hours ago, mynextmistake said:

Wow. That seems kind of... cold. (Not you, six, but the idea that people would skip a wedding reception because it wasn’t fancy enough for them.) I was brought up that you graciously accept hospitality when it is offered with the understanding that what people are offering is usually the best they can do. I’ve been to wedding receptions with candlelit sit-down meals and wedding receptions with a Costco cake and plastic cups of Hawaiian Punch and everything in between, and they’ve all been equally joyful and loving occasions. Maybe i’m old-fashioned, but when I go to a wedding it’s because I want to show love and support to the couple getting married, not because I expect a meal that is exactly equal to the cost of the cheese platter or whatever I got them as a gift. When did everything become so calculated and mercenary? 

I agree, and thank you for posting that! 

5 hours ago, GeeGolly said:

One of the reasons I believe the wedding receptions for Fundies really are speed dating receptions is because families drive far distances to attend them. With the exception of the Bates and Duggars, some of these families must barely know the bride and groom. They're going to weddings for someone that maybe they see once at year a the school conference thing they have. I imagine when they get the invites they spend a fair amount of time trying to figure out who the invitation is from.

I can't believe, no matter how kind and caring someone is, that they'll pack up their kids and drive through a state or two, to join in the joyous occasion of someone they've barely met without an ulterior motive. And they're certainly not attending for mints and punch.

Also, I'm guessing many don't even give gifts. I doubt even Jessa is going to take the time to compare the names on her guest list to names on the gifts she receives.

JB carried around invitations and gave out them last minute to random people. How thoughtful.

I really think a large number of the guests go to connect with other like minded folks in hopes of making a love connection for their isolated kids.

@GeeGolly, another good insight. I imagine that the fundy/Quiverfull world is pretty connected, especially these days with the internet, but the families may be scattered around and somewhat isolated from other like-minded people in their daily lives. The chance to socialize with "safe" fellow believers - and their kids - must be worth piling the family into the minivan and making the long drive to wherever the wedding is. If it's a Duggar wedding, there's the whole "getting to socialize with a Famous Godly Blessed Successful (Rich) Speshul Family!" bonus. I think that the strict gender-role, fundy Quiverfull families are in many cases struggling financially, so the "successful independent businessman" image of JB must be inspirational/aspirational for many of those fundie men (and their wives). If it's true, as Jill said in the immediate swirl of Joshgate, that they know lots of families with incest problems, even the Josh squick factor wouldn't tarnish the Duggar's image very much in that crowd. JB and MEchelle are back as featured speakers on the Gothardite/IBLP circuit which I think bears that out.

[Fostersmom]

14 minutes ago, Jeeves said:

I agree, and thank you for posting that! 

@GeeGolly, another good insight. I imagine that the fundy/Quiverfull world is pretty connected, especially these days with the internet, but the families may be scattered around and somewhat isolated from other like-minded people in their daily lives. The chance to socialize with "safe" fellow believers - and their kids - must be worth piling the family into the minivan and making the long drive to wherever the wedding is. If it's a Duggar wedding, there's the whole "getting to socialize with a Famous Godly Blessed Successful (Rich) Speshul Family!" bonus. I think that the strict gender-role, fundy Quiverfull families are in many cases struggling financially, so the "successful independent businessman" image of JB must be inspirational/aspirational for many of those fundie men (and their wives). If it's true, as Jill said in the immediate swirl of Joshgate, that they know lots of families with incest problems, even the Josh squick factor wouldn't tarnish the Duggar's image very much in that crowd. JB and MEchelle are back as featured speakers on the Gothardite/IBLP circuit which I think bears that out.

This is pretty much what the Amish do. I used to work in one of the world's largest Amish communities. The Amish would hold weddings on Thursdays. There would be a normal reception after and then on Friday they would have what was basically an Amish mixer for all the younger Amish to get together and see who was available. Granted, this was back in 2000-2001, so things might have changed a bit but I'm going to go out on a limb and just assume that's pretty much still the traditional Amish way. 

[doodlebug]

1 hour ago, Fostersmom said:

This is pretty much what the Amish do. I used to work in one of the world's largest Amish communities. The Amish would hold weddings on Thursdays. There would be a normal reception after and then on Friday they would have what was basically an Amish mixer for all the younger Amish to get together and see who was available. Granted, this was back in 2000-2001, so things might have changed a bit but I'm going to go out on a limb and just assume that's pretty much still the traditional Amish way. 

I live in the area and they still do it. Of course, the Amish have less internet access than fundies, but, even out here in the real world, aren't weddings often the place for singles to mingle?  I know at least 3 couples who met at the wedding of a friend or family member.  It's a pretty common thing, and, for fundies and the Amish, who live in a rather circumscribed world, it is probably one of the best ways to find like minded potential mates

As far as inviting a 1000 to the wedding to maximize the gifts; I suspect most of these fundie families don't have a lot of disposable income and their gifts for weddings are likely to be stuff like those biblical quotes on plywood we see on their walls.  I don't picture JRod and family buying a Kitchen Aid mixer for anyone.  I suspect that Nurie is tasked with printing up a quote from one of the pamphlets they peddle on a piece of scrap plywood and adding some of the leftover beads from her Etsy projects and calling it a day.

Edited July 15, 2018 by doodlebug

[Jules59]

It is interesting how wedding receptions differ in various parts of the country. I am from the midwest and every wedding reception I have attended, with the exception of one, a meal was provided, and usually hors d’oerves with a cocktail hour. The first time I heard about a “nuts and punch” reception was from a neighbor.  She said her and her husband had one because she saved herself for marriage and wanted to get out of the reception quickky (sounds familiar).

[Spencer Hastings]

I think part of the issue is that within their culture punch and cake is the norm and stepping out of that might rub some people the wrong way.  I can just hear the little old ladies in my family asking “Who do they think they are, serving food like that?”  “All you need for a reception is _______, why are they trying to be all fancy?” There’s a strong air of bitterness/resentment towards people who are better off, and having a better reception than the next fundie might be seen as showing off.  It works out for the Duggars because they’re cheap but they can also say they don’t want to make anyone uncomfortable by having more. 

[3 is enough]

Quote

As little money Boob and Michelle put into the weddings, I bet he makes the happy couple reimburse him right to the penny out of their gift money.

I can see this happening, although I suspect that TLC foots the bill as part of the deal to allow them to film the festivities.

In the late 50's-early 60's there was a large influx of Italian immigrants to Montreal and Toronto.  When their children reached the age  to get married, the weddings were quite elaborate- open bar, 7 course meal, and then around midnight, sandwiches, and pastries, just in case anyone was hungry. 200+ guests was the norm. This was how weddings were done, period. If the parents (both sets- it was split) could not afford it, the bride and groom gave the envelopes they received to their parents to pay for the reception.  If the newlyweds got to keep some or all of the money they were thrilled, and this fact was was broadcast throughout the community. They also had engagement parties that were basically a smaller version of the wedding, and the showers were huge affairs where the bride got complete 12 piece place settings of her china and silverware, full cookware sets, small kitchen appliances, linens, and baby clothes thrown in for good measure.  I was appalled by the latter, but those Catholic Italian mammas wanted grandchildren ASAP!

I did not have this type of wedding because I am not Italian (oh the horror!)  38 years later, we are still married, and the cousins who married "nice Italian girls/boys" and got all of this stuff are divorced.  Go figure.

But I do remember my mother-in-law dreading the wedding season because she knew she was going to have to fork out a ton of money she really could not afford to spend...

[Fostersmom]

6 minutes ago, Spencer Hastings said:

I think part of the issue is that within their culture punch and cake is the norm and stepping out of that might rub some people the wrong way.  I can just hear the little old ladies in my family asking “Who do they think they are, serving food like that?”  “All you need for a reception is _______, why are they trying to be all fancy?” There’s a strong air of bitterness/resentment towards people who are better off, and having a better reception than the next fundie might be seen as showing off.  It works out for the Duggars because they’re cheap but they can also say they don’t want to make anyone uncomfortable by having more. 

Ive always suspected this was exactly the reason they tend to registers for gift cards along with 900 towels. Sure, they'll have families like the various Bates branches who can afford a bit of a pricer gift from Gil and Kelly and each of the marrieds and then you'll have families like the Rodriguez clan who can't afford to feed their own kids and you might get a $25 gift card to Chick-Fil-A or a couple of towels from all 15 of them. 

[cdp73]

14 hours ago, awaken said:

Good question!  I’m thinking a plaque from Hobby Lobby with “family” or “in this house we will serve the lord” on it. 

And you know they used a 40% off coupon for it.

[Temperance]

In the real world, I don't know anyone who met at a wedding. Possibly because a lot of my friends have lived in different areas of the country and have people coming in from all over. I think that's particularly less common among millennials, although I'm sure there are exceptions. (I also don't know an older people who met at a wedding).

In the fundie world, trying to meet people at weddings does seem to be part of why  they are willing to go.  

[Wishing Well]

Have you guys ever been to or seen a traditional Chinese wedding? It’s sort of like the Duggar weddings in that we invite a bajillion people, and there’s no dancing.  But that’s because we’re too busy shoveling in food and 53% white liquor to dance lol.  Many people are no longer viewing weddings like this, but my family is very old fashioned (and materialistic and honestly kinda awful).  

Basically your wedding is for your parents.  The bride and groom aren’t the center of attention.  The parents pick nearly the entire list and it’s expected that the guests bring red envelopes filled with (a LOT) of lucky money.  In my family, they expect $300 USD minimum.  Otherwise, you will never be spoken to again and your name will be trashed everywhere as cheap. That part isn’t tradition lol, it’s just my family being assholes.  But the trade off is - even if you are 2 pennies away from being broke, you better have big platters of meat and seafood there for the guests.  Then when their kids get married, you will be paid in kind.  Meanwhile, no one knows where TF the bride and groom are because n1crr.

My aunt and uncle recently had a banquet to celebrate my new cousin’s 100 day birthday.  They had lobster, abalone, fish, roast pork...I legit thought they were going to have to file for chapter 7 bankruptcy but they surprisingly made it all back in red envelopes.  But, their favorite gift was the Minnie Mouse romper I got them. 

Yeah, my family knows that when I get married they get no say in the invites, it’s going to be 100 people, and we’re having a taco and donut bar.  

[Fuzzysox]

5 hours ago, Jules59 said:

It is interesting how wedding receptions differ in various parts of the country. I am from the midwest and every wedding reception I have attended, with the exception of one, a meal was provided, and usually hors d’oerves with a cocktail hour. The first time I heard about a “nuts and punch” reception was from a neighbor.  She said her and her husband had one because she saved herself for marriage and wanted to get out of the reception quickky (sounds familiar).

I live in the Chicago area and indeed this is the kind of wedding I"m used to going to. Lots of food, drinks and *shudder* dancing! My wedding included.

Back in the 80's it was a big deal to have huge weddings here. The biggest I went to was 500 people.  They had to have it in two halls that opened up into one. I will never forget how huge it was (sit down dinner included). The bride worked in an office, the groom was an engineer but on the weekends he was part of a popular Italian band that played at everyone's wedding that could afford them. It was just the way things are done within the Chicago-Italian community. No cheapness allowed or you would be talked about f.o.r.e.v.e.r.

[3 is enough]

40 minutes ago, Fuzzysox said:

It was just the way things are done within the Chicago-Italian community. No cheapness allowed or you would be talked about f.o.r.e.v.e.r.

I guess Italians have similar expectations everywhere.  It was the same in Montreal.  It became quite the competition, and they all tried to outdo each other.  If someone upped the ante and served lobster then it became the new "must have" menu item.  The owners of the reception halls were laughing all the way to the bank. It wasn't just weddings either- there were baptisms, First Communions, Confirmations, engagements, silver and gold anniversary parties.  Not to mention if you were invited to multiple events over the course of a few months you could not wear the same dress twice!  I do not miss those days.  It's really sad when an invitation to what is supposed to be a joyful event leaves you worried about how much it is going to cost you.

Edited July 15, 2018 by 3 is enough

[sixlets]

19 hours ago, mynextmistake said:

Wow. That seems kind of... cold. (Not you, six, but the idea that people would skip a wedding reception because it wasn’t fancy enough for them.) I was brought up that you graciously accept hospitality when it is offered with the understanding that what people are offering is usually the best they can do. I’ve been to wedding receptions with candlelit sit-down meals and wedding receptions with a Costco cake and plastic cups of Hawaiian Punch and everything in between, and they’ve all been equally joyful and loving occasions. Maybe i’m old-fashioned, but when I go to a wedding it’s because I want to show love and support to the couple getting married, not because I expect a meal that is exactly equal to the cost of the cheese platter or whatever I got them as a gift. When did everything become so calculated and mercenary? 

No, I totally agree with you 100%.  My maid of honor got married in 2010. She asked me to her MOH, but distance prevented that.  Originally, her wedding was supposed to be at her home church with a reception at a park lodge. I think she had roughly 100-120 invited.  Something drastic occurred somewhere, and the reception was moved to the church fellowship hall.  She had less than 50 people attend, and not everyone stayed for the reception.  I felt so bad for her, and I knew she was hurt.  I truly don't think it's a matter of fanciness as it's just so far outside of the norm.  Familial traditions stick from one generation to the next, and this is the kind of town where everyone knows everyone.  Hers was the only wedding I've ever attended in my life that was 'different'.  It was still lovely, and I know they had a lot of love from the people that did attend.  

[marypat57]

This is in reply to Temperance, who said she never knew anyone who met at a wedding.  My mom and dad met at a wedding in the fall/early winter of 1950.  

The bride was a high school classmate of mom's.  The groom was a friend of dad's, and had converted to Catholicism so he could marry my mom's friend.  My dad was the 'godfather/sponsor.  As my grandmother told the story, she had to convince my dad to go to the wedding--"Who knows J***, you might meete a nice girl there."  My parents were engaged in December of 1951, and were married in June of 1952.  They had 6 sons and 2 daughters (I'm the oldest), and were together until my dad died in 1983.  My mom died in 1994 on their wedding anniversary.  

I don't know of anyone else that met at a wedding, though

[ginger90]

The Dillards posted pictures, and videos from the wedding on their blog. Cha Ching!

 

Video 

 

 

Edited July 16, 2018 by ginger90

[3 is enough]

My daughter and her husband did the shoe game but they each took off one shoe.  I know I am nitpicking but that looks odd.  Still, it does seem more "mainstream" than previous Duggar weddings.

 

ETA: I stand corrected.  On closer inspection I see that Josiah is, in fact, holding one of Lauren's shoes.  Not sure about the wheels and numbers are for though.  Given the fundie aversion to gambling I can't imagine they spun the wheel and got guests to pay if they got the right or wrong answer.

Edited July 16, 2018 by 3 is enough
I obviously can't see very well

[cmr2014]

I will have to give props here. Jill, Derick, and their kids all look nice. The tables at the reception look nice, too.

Oh, and I think the bridesmaids look nice, too. I know that some people didn't think the style was flattering for some of the bridesmaids (Joy), but I like them. Compare and contrast with the hideous bridesmaids dresses that Jill and Jessa chose, and they are especially beautiful.

I don't know what kind of "gameshow" style game they were playing, but that seems unfortunate. I think they do things like this because no one has an actual thought in their head, and they can't converse with one another for more than about 20 seconds.

Edited July 16, 2018 by cmr2014
One more thing . . .

[latetotheparty]

Another family photo. Sam in his carrier. No one can be bothered to hold him. He’s like a piece of luggage to them 

[rue721]

25 minutes ago, ginger90 said:

The Dillards posted pictures, and videos from the wedding on their blog. Cha Ching

Everyone looks very pretty -- but wow, what a bunch of weird facial expressions.

[Scarlett45]

I think Jill looks nice in the red- I wouldn’t have expected it from her. 

@Temperance I know quite a few people that have met at weddings and then gotten married. It seemed popular among my older cousins (now in their mid to late 50s) who got married the first time pre-internet dating. The wedding was a great way to expand your social circle and meet other people of similar age that 1. Weren’t related to you and 2. In a relationship with someone in your social circle. 

[Ijustwantsomechips]

Now that I see the bridesmaids‘ dresses, they seem too long. Or maybe they just came out of their heels.

[Temperance]

23 minutes ago, 3 is enough said:

My daughter and her husband did the shoe game but they each took off one shoe.  I know I am nitpicking but that looks odd.  Still, it does seem more "mainstream" than previous Duggar weddings.

My friends play the two shoe version. The bride holds one of her shoes and one of his shoes and the groom hold one of her shoes and one of his shoes.  They sit back-to-back and are asked questions like "Who is the better singer?"  They each hold up a shoe in the air. Holding the bride's shoe in the air means that that person (either bride or groom) thinks the bride sings better. Holding the groom's shoe in the air means that that person(either bride and groom) think he sings better. If they think they sing equally well, that person (either bride or groom) can hold up both shoes. Since they're back-to-back, they can't see what the other person says unless they look over their shoulder. It's a mild form of entertainment, especially seeing how the opinions line up or don't. 

Edited July 16, 2018 by Temperance

[Quof]

The goal is to "match", showing how well they know each other.  Because, you know, people who get married should know each other. 

[BitterApple]

Jill needs a better bra, but other than that she looks really pretty. The red dress looks nice on her. 

Jana and Anna did a nice job on the bridesmaid's gowns.